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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,830 --> 00:00:03,830 Okay, Mario, I'm all packed. 2 00:00:06,470 --> 00:00:07,510 Packed yourself, huh? 3 00:00:08,650 --> 00:00:10,270 Hey, hey, Rome sticker. 4 00:00:11,090 --> 00:00:12,270 When did you get to Rome? 5 00:00:12,530 --> 00:00:15,110 I didn't. I went to Chicago. My bag went to Rome. 6 00:00:16,530 --> 00:00:18,830 I hope you and your bag make it to Hollywood. 7 00:00:19,050 --> 00:00:22,970 It wouldn't look good for a movie star to be without clothes. What movie star? 8 00:00:22,970 --> 00:00:26,310 Now, I'm only doing a cameo role. A few lines. They went authentically. 9 00:00:26,790 --> 00:00:27,790 Sportswriters that play themselves. 10 00:00:27,930 --> 00:00:31,110 Dan Jenkins, the famous sportswriter, he's playing himself, too. Oh, yeah. 11 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:34,160 You forgot to pack handkerchiefs. No, I packed one. 12 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:38,040 He's taking one hanky to Hollywood. 13 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:40,640 I'm only taking one nose. 14 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,820 You see the way he packed? 15 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,080 Look at that bag. 16 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:50,040 Did you try to fold your clothes? 17 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,000 Yeah. Yeah, I forgot my ticket. 18 00:00:52,380 --> 00:00:55,100 Better check your room, see if there's anything else you forgot before I have 19 00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:57,600 board it up. When Crazy Roderick gets here, tell him I'll be right back, okay? 20 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:01,580 He's going to Hollywood with crazy Rhoda Zimmerman? 21 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:05,880 Studios sent him two tickets. So he's picking her as his private secretary. 22 00:01:10,620 --> 00:01:14,300 You think you'll ever get to Hollywood, Felix? Hollywood. It's the last place I 23 00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:15,139 want to go. 24 00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:19,420 Land of sham, pretense, plastic people. 25 00:01:21,940 --> 00:01:22,940 Yes? 26 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,100 I'm Rhoda Zimmerman's sister. 27 00:01:25,340 --> 00:01:28,000 And she ain't going no place, no time with nobody. 28 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,400 She's at home, chained to the radiator. 29 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,360 You want to have some fun? Don't count on the Zimmermans. 30 00:01:36,100 --> 00:01:37,100 Oh. 31 00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:42,440 That crazy Rhoda, she always does something like this at the last minute 32 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:43,440 every trip. 33 00:01:43,620 --> 00:01:46,820 I guess you just stuck with an extra ticket, Oscar. Yeah, but I don't want to 34 00:01:46,820 --> 00:01:48,120 alone. I wonder who I should take. 35 00:01:48,820 --> 00:01:49,820 I'd go with you. 36 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:54,780 I'm a policeman, and I can't shirk my duties. My place is here on the streets 37 00:01:54,780 --> 00:01:55,780 New York. 38 00:01:56,460 --> 00:01:57,460 Protecting the... Who asked you? 39 00:01:58,140 --> 00:01:59,140 Think of a girl. 40 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,820 Trouble is all the girls I think of. You've got to give at least an hour's 41 00:02:02,820 --> 00:02:03,820 notice. 42 00:02:04,140 --> 00:02:07,460 Maybe I'll meet somebody nice on standby, okay? You go get the car. Okay. 43 00:02:07,980 --> 00:02:08,980 So long, buddy. 44 00:02:09,460 --> 00:02:10,460 Bye, Oscar. 45 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:14,300 Have a nice trip. 46 00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:15,820 I know you'll be wonderful. 47 00:02:16,020 --> 00:02:17,820 Oh, please take me with you. Please. 48 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:22,320 My life is so boring here. I'm crazy about Hollywood. I'm dying to meet Rona 49 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,860 Barrett. Oh, please, please, please take me with you. 50 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:26,960 Why didn't you say something before? 51 00:02:27,870 --> 00:02:28,910 I have my pride. 52 00:04:21,419 --> 00:04:25,100 Look at that. 53 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:28,620 My feet are the same size as my hands. 54 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,520 Oh, there's his profile. 55 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,860 Put my picture with my face in it. 56 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,720 People think you're in New York. Why not? Will you get up? Come on. 57 00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,360 Is my face in there? Yes. 58 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:41,180 Is my nose in his nose? 59 00:04:42,140 --> 00:04:43,880 Yes. Is my hair in his hair? 60 00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:45,300 Yes. Good. 61 00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:46,940 Take it. 62 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:48,500 You've got your hat in front of it. 63 00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:52,760 Okay. Now, you get down. I'll take your picture. 64 00:04:53,780 --> 00:04:55,280 I'm not going to put my face down there. 65 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:57,220 You're no fun on the trip. 66 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:05,340 Map to the stars. 67 00:05:05,860 --> 00:05:07,040 Map to the stars. 68 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:08,660 Hey, we'll take two. 69 00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:10,500 Who buys these mostly? 70 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:12,120 Bergler. 71 00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:19,200 This is Toluca Lake, so he's got to be around here. Look, it's got Helen, 12 72 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:22,920 Threes, Wallace, Beer. How old is this? No, no, you look for a street. 73 00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:27,260 You never would find it. Look, there he is. Where? There he is. 74 00:05:27,580 --> 00:05:28,580 There's Bob Hope. 75 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:29,920 Right there. 76 00:05:30,900 --> 00:05:33,200 Excuse me. What are you doing? Mr. Hope. Mr. Hope. 77 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:34,420 Hi. 78 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:35,980 We just got here from New York. 79 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,360 Relative? No, we're tourists. 80 00:05:39,450 --> 00:05:40,490 Hope we're not regular tourists. 81 00:05:40,810 --> 00:05:43,930 My name is Felix Unger. This is Oscar Madison. I couldn't find you on the map. 82 00:05:44,170 --> 00:05:45,170 Good, good. 83 00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:49,030 You take out your own garbage, Mr. Holmes? Well, I usually have a gift 84 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:50,830 Isn't that marvelous? 85 00:05:51,170 --> 00:05:54,590 You have a funny joke ready for every situation, haven't you? I have large 86 00:05:54,590 --> 00:05:55,590 garbage piles. 87 00:05:56,450 --> 00:05:58,450 Could I have a piece of your garbage as a souvenir? 88 00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:00,330 Would you like the name for us first? 89 00:06:00,590 --> 00:06:04,490 No, just an... Oh, an orange peel. That would just be perfect. Thank you so very 90 00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:06,490 much. Well, Crosby just squeezed those. 91 00:06:07,930 --> 00:06:10,930 If you find autographing it, people will never believe, they'll never believe in 92 00:06:10,930 --> 00:06:12,670 a million years that I got this from you. Yeah. 93 00:06:12,930 --> 00:06:14,930 Isn't that wonderful? It's just like ordinary people. 94 00:06:16,230 --> 00:06:20,570 Oh, thank you so very, very much. Sorry, would you mind taking a picture with 95 00:06:20,570 --> 00:06:22,630 us? Not at all. I don't have my camera. Do you have a camera? 96 00:06:25,770 --> 00:06:26,770 Next time. 97 00:06:27,570 --> 00:06:30,450 I gotta get a dog. 98 00:06:32,730 --> 00:06:34,650 Garbage! But the garbage! 99 00:06:35,370 --> 00:06:36,370 Dog! 100 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:37,920 Wow. 101 00:06:38,380 --> 00:06:40,040 Okay, imagine. Bob Hope. 102 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:41,259 Who's next? 103 00:06:41,260 --> 00:06:44,560 Me. I want to go back to the hotel where I can look at the pretty girls around 104 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:45,179 the pool. 105 00:06:45,180 --> 00:06:46,039 All right. 106 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:47,040 I'll go shopping. 107 00:07:05,070 --> 00:07:08,730 in a million years guess whom I just saw in the lobby of this hotel standing not 108 00:07:08,730 --> 00:07:09,870 two feet from me. Who? 109 00:07:10,650 --> 00:07:11,650 Cuffee Crab. 110 00:07:13,390 --> 00:07:16,970 Who? Buster Crab's son, Cuffee. He was standing right there. 111 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:20,270 I couldn't have touched him. He was buying shampoo just like a regular 112 00:07:20,270 --> 00:07:24,670 son. I got his autograph anyway. Oh, Oscar, I'll never be able to thank you 113 00:07:24,670 --> 00:07:26,810 enough for bringing me here. It's the most... Guess! 114 00:07:27,710 --> 00:07:31,330 Guess what's going to happen right outside our balcony in 30 minutes. 115 00:07:31,550 --> 00:07:32,750 Cuffee's going to wash his hair. 116 00:07:35,070 --> 00:07:39,130 stay walks her dog. Felix, you've got to stop being so crazy and starstruck 117 00:07:39,130 --> 00:07:42,190 buying maps of movie stars' homes. I'm here on business, remember? 118 00:07:42,510 --> 00:07:43,369 Ah, ah. 119 00:07:43,370 --> 00:07:44,730 I've got to talk to you about that. What? 120 00:07:45,270 --> 00:07:50,690 I also found out that when Dan Jenkins was here for his cameo, the studio got 121 00:07:50,690 --> 00:07:53,190 him a bungalow with a sauna and a bar. 122 00:07:53,450 --> 00:07:54,450 That's great for them. 123 00:07:54,510 --> 00:07:55,570 Well, of course it's great. 124 00:07:56,130 --> 00:07:57,610 You've just got an ordinary room. 125 00:07:57,830 --> 00:08:01,570 Well, nice. Well, look, I'm sure it's only an oversight. Look, I'm not a 126 00:08:01,570 --> 00:08:04,660 troublemaker. But if the studio knew about it... No, no, no, no, no. Don't 127 00:08:04,660 --> 00:08:08,100 call the studio. I'm very happy with what I got. Please, one little call. I 128 00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:09,100 a good view of the diagram. 129 00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:10,500 You don't understand. 130 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:11,759 J .B. 131 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:14,360 Hofstetter, the head of the studio, just called me, see? 132 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:17,100 Everything is terrific. I told him I'm very happy with what I got. J .B. 133 00:08:17,460 --> 00:08:21,520 Hofstetter called you? He wanted to make sure that I had the script and I told 134 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:22,780 him I did have it. Then it's official. 135 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,860 Yeah. You're in flick. That's right, buddy. 136 00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:28,800 You're on your way. Let me see. When do we go to the studio? 137 00:08:29,020 --> 00:08:30,020 No, we don't go to the studio. 138 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:31,439 Why? Why? 139 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:32,440 We're going on location. 140 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:37,700 Oh, that's much better. That's authentic then. I like that. Let me see the... 141 00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:39,480 Home run killer. Home run killer. Isn't that good? 142 00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:43,240 Yes. Wait, wait till you see the part. Let me see the part. 143 00:08:43,780 --> 00:08:48,600 Here it is. See, I go in and I say, tell us about your career, slugger. Yeah, 144 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,400 yeah. And then, oh, there it is. 145 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:51,760 Thanks for the interview. 146 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:57,080 That's it? 147 00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:59,120 They can't treat you this way. 148 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:00,680 You're a New York actor. 149 00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:04,900 Felix, I'm a New York sports columnist. I don't care how many lines they give 150 00:09:04,900 --> 00:09:06,060 me. This whole thing is a lark. 151 00:09:06,340 --> 00:09:07,340 Oscar, baby. 152 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:13,880 Don't let these showbiz heavies push you around. If you're scared, you're going 153 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,700 to be washed up in the business. I'm not scared. 154 00:09:15,940 --> 00:09:16,879 You're not? No. 155 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:19,920 Okay, tell me your part. Do it for me. Oh, come on. Do it for me. I want to 156 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:20,599 rehearse you. 157 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:21,600 See what you've got now. 158 00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:26,880 How are you going to do it? Tell us about your career, slugger. No, wait. 159 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:28,240 I'll do it better. 160 00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,290 Tell us about your career, Slugger. 161 00:09:31,890 --> 00:09:34,270 Tell us about your career, Slugger. 162 00:09:35,190 --> 00:09:37,330 Hey, Slugger, tell us about your career. 163 00:09:38,510 --> 00:09:42,470 Hey, Slugger, you better tell us about your career. You understand, Slugger? 164 00:09:42,570 --> 00:09:45,170 They're going to weigh talent like that. 165 00:10:00,330 --> 00:10:03,850 The locker room clean was kind of choppy, so I padded the part of the New 166 00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:04,789 sports writer. 167 00:10:04,790 --> 00:10:05,950 I gave him another two pages. 168 00:10:06,370 --> 00:10:09,690 That's going to mean an extra day's shooting. We'll have to give Madison 169 00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:11,890 money. Yeah, what do you think we should give him? What? 170 00:10:14,770 --> 00:10:15,770 Yeah? 171 00:10:16,310 --> 00:10:17,310 Who? 172 00:10:18,270 --> 00:10:19,270 Felix Unger? 173 00:10:20,910 --> 00:10:22,830 I don't know any Felix Unger. What does he do? 174 00:10:23,950 --> 00:10:26,910 Oh, Oscar Madison's agent. Good. 175 00:10:28,650 --> 00:10:31,060 Well... Settle this matter right now. Send him in, Pam. 176 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,040 Madison's got an agent? 177 00:10:34,820 --> 00:10:35,820 Not funny. 178 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,160 I know. He's going to want $1 ,000 more. 179 00:10:38,780 --> 00:10:40,200 I'll try to get it for $500. 180 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:46,720 All right. 181 00:10:49,340 --> 00:10:50,340 J .B. 182 00:10:52,180 --> 00:10:54,980 J .B. 183 00:10:57,960 --> 00:10:59,400 My client is not happy. 184 00:11:01,140 --> 00:11:02,440 Now, person to person. 185 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:03,840 Man to man. 186 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:05,540 Agent to mogul. 187 00:11:05,860 --> 00:11:06,860 Captain? 188 00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:38,740 David, what? 189 00:11:39,340 --> 00:11:42,480 Felix, don't tell me that after what I said to you, you had the nerve, the 190 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:46,500 audacity to go down to that studio and embarrass me. Don't tell me that you 191 00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:47,620 down and what did you do? 192 00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:50,880 You got me two extra pages of dialogue? 193 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:55,540 Not only that, I conned them into giving you more money. 194 00:11:56,260 --> 00:11:58,120 I got another $50 out of it. 195 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:35,900 This is the location they wanted. 196 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:38,720 They're going to shoot here. Let's not gripe. When Dan Jenkins went on his 197 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:42,070 location, the studio sent him in an air -conditioned limousine. They did? You're 198 00:12:42,070 --> 00:12:45,070 darn right they did. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. 199 00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:46,730 It's just plain unfair. 200 00:12:47,150 --> 00:12:50,130 Oh, cut it out. Look, all right, Felix, you got me some extra money, you got me 201 00:12:50,130 --> 00:12:52,750 a few extra lines, let's not press the lock. I just don't like it. I'm happy 202 00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:53,669 with what I'm doing. 203 00:12:53,670 --> 00:12:56,830 Hey, everyone, we ship this sequence tomorrow. Let's get the rehearsal going. 204 00:12:57,770 --> 00:12:58,910 Have you got the sports register? 205 00:12:59,190 --> 00:13:00,210 Here you are, Mr. Lennox. 206 00:13:00,570 --> 00:13:01,570 Oh, yeah, Madison. 207 00:13:01,850 --> 00:13:03,810 Madison! Right here. 208 00:13:06,070 --> 00:13:07,070 Are you Madison? 209 00:13:07,210 --> 00:13:09,650 No, I'm Felix Unger. I'm Oscar Madison's agent. 210 00:13:10,510 --> 00:13:14,810 I'm Oscar Madison. How are you? You look like a sports writer. Thank you. Griff, 211 00:13:14,970 --> 00:13:16,750 I want you to meet our star. 212 00:13:17,090 --> 00:13:20,030 Yes. Griff Lockwood. This is Oscar Madison. 213 00:13:21,390 --> 00:13:22,750 He's the one who does the interviews. 214 00:13:23,110 --> 00:13:24,210 Very nice to meet you. 215 00:13:24,750 --> 00:13:26,370 Nice to meet you, Oscar. 216 00:13:26,770 --> 00:13:30,590 I'm a big fan of yours. And I'm a big fan of yours. 217 00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:32,610 Griff Lockwood. 218 00:13:32,930 --> 00:13:33,970 Oh, look. 219 00:13:34,490 --> 00:13:37,570 I saw you in Hotel Romp. 220 00:13:38,070 --> 00:13:39,970 That's the one he made with Ron DeBisk. 221 00:13:40,430 --> 00:13:43,830 Tell me, when you were shooting that, was there something between you and 222 00:13:43,830 --> 00:13:44,830 Rhonda? 223 00:13:46,110 --> 00:13:47,270 Are you in the picture? 224 00:13:47,550 --> 00:13:48,590 No. Good. 225 00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:50,350 Call when you're ready. 226 00:13:50,490 --> 00:13:52,890 Fred, Fred, you're a married man. 227 00:13:53,470 --> 00:13:56,490 Bad enough you read every gossip column in the world, do you have to believe 228 00:13:56,490 --> 00:13:58,090 them? Where there's smoke, there's fire. 229 00:13:58,330 --> 00:14:01,030 So suppose you had a little thing going with Rhonda, will you forget it? 230 00:14:01,250 --> 00:14:04,690 Sure, we can forget it, but Kenneth's wife, lovely Helen Lockwood, driven to 231 00:14:04,690 --> 00:14:07,850 drink by the uncaring extramarital antics of Hollywood's most famous star? 232 00:14:08,370 --> 00:14:11,020 Will you cut it out? That was Rona's biggest scoop. 233 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:14,000 Okay, let's go over the line. Get Griff's standard. 234 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:15,280 Get Griff's standard. 235 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,280 Excuse me just a moment, Oscar. 236 00:14:17,660 --> 00:14:18,660 Talk to me now. 237 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,700 Look, if you're going to use Griff's standard, don't you think you ought to 238 00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:26,380 Oscar's? He doesn't have a standard. 239 00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:28,660 Oh, he doesn't have a standard. 240 00:14:30,460 --> 00:14:32,600 What time does Mr. Madison have to be at work tomorrow? 241 00:14:33,820 --> 00:14:34,820 Six o 'clock. 242 00:14:35,620 --> 00:14:36,640 In the morning? 243 00:14:43,980 --> 00:14:48,080 Oh, no, I don't like that. Look, I'm perfectly willing to work these things 244 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:51,520 reasonably with you people, but don't push Oscar Madison, the man, to lunatic. 245 00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:53,240 One word and he goes like that. 246 00:14:53,540 --> 00:14:54,760 He's a walking volcano. 247 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,380 The man slapped Fellini. What can I tell you? 248 00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,660 He slapped Fellini. 249 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:04,040 Well, Mr. Unger, I think I understand. 250 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,080 I knew I could talk to you. Just let me make one telephone call to take care of 251 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,080 the whole thing. 252 00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:12,220 While you're at it, it might be a good idea. 253 00:15:12,990 --> 00:15:15,450 You get him a trailer. I think he'd like that. A trailer? Yeah. 254 00:15:15,770 --> 00:15:16,770 Something nice. 255 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:21,070 Also, a golf cart. Take him to and from. I think that would be the right thing. 256 00:15:21,090 --> 00:15:22,090 A golf cart. 257 00:15:22,230 --> 00:15:25,050 Susan, get me that sports writer from Chicago. 258 00:15:25,510 --> 00:15:26,650 I'm firing Madison. 259 00:15:30,210 --> 00:15:31,210 You tell him. 260 00:15:34,570 --> 00:15:37,390 Look, this is what they want me to wear. Tell them what you think. 261 00:15:38,630 --> 00:15:39,630 What's the matter? 262 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,200 What's the matter? What is it? 263 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:51,340 Why am I fired? Oscar, you don't know this town. 264 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,820 Parole? Hollywood, the whole business. 265 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:58,240 I asked for a stand -in for you. I asked for a dressing room. I suggest that you 266 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:01,060 don't have to get up so early in the morning. I didn't care about those 267 00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:02,860 Now you tell me! 268 00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:18,520 The joke's really on that studio, isn't it? 269 00:16:19,940 --> 00:16:24,660 They bring us all the way out here to California, all expenses paid, and then 270 00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:25,880 they don't use us in the picture. 271 00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:33,480 Look, there'll be other opportunities. 272 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:35,920 Why should we have regrets? 273 00:16:36,780 --> 00:16:38,420 Look at the 12 new clothes I got. 274 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,180 Saw Doris Day's dog. 275 00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:45,220 What would you be doing in New York now? 276 00:16:45,790 --> 00:16:47,390 unchaining crazy Rhoda Zimmerman. 277 00:16:50,870 --> 00:16:55,170 Look, I... I sense that you're a little down about this. 278 00:16:57,130 --> 00:17:00,450 I can understand that. You're the kind of fellow who's easily depressed, but 279 00:17:00,450 --> 00:17:02,030 don't let things bother you. 280 00:17:02,610 --> 00:17:03,549 Bounce back. 281 00:17:03,550 --> 00:17:04,550 Shrug them off. I do. 282 00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:06,930 Come on, let's see a smile. 283 00:17:07,690 --> 00:17:08,690 A grin. 284 00:17:09,349 --> 00:17:10,349 A smirk. 285 00:17:17,390 --> 00:17:19,490 Desperate times call for desperate measures. 286 00:17:20,810 --> 00:17:25,210 Time I go down to that studio and force their hand. 287 00:17:26,450 --> 00:17:31,370 When I get through with them, you're not only going to have your part back, but 288 00:17:31,370 --> 00:17:33,110 you're going to have another raise. 289 00:17:33,830 --> 00:17:34,830 Fair enough? 290 00:17:35,770 --> 00:17:36,770 Shake. 291 00:17:39,650 --> 00:17:40,650 You got a deal. 292 00:18:02,670 --> 00:18:06,270 A sports writer from Chicago was so glad he got the party dropped dead. 293 00:18:09,770 --> 00:18:13,070 I gotta have Madison back. I got no choice. 294 00:18:16,350 --> 00:18:17,910 Pam, send in Unger. 295 00:18:25,870 --> 00:18:29,330 Now listen to me, J .B., and listen good. 296 00:18:29,530 --> 00:18:31,450 Okay, Madison's back in the picture. 297 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:51,030 constructive criticism, J .B.? You need more backbone. You're a... You're pretty 298 00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,130 much of a marshmallow, fella. 299 00:18:55,370 --> 00:18:56,950 Let me roll all over you then. 300 00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:01,650 I can tell you now, I was ready to squirm five more minutes and you'd have 301 00:19:01,650 --> 00:19:02,650 me on my knees. 302 00:19:03,110 --> 00:19:05,870 You've got a tough enough guy or people will walk all over you. 303 00:19:06,170 --> 00:19:07,170 Will you get out of here? 304 00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:19,350 I'll show them how it's done. 305 00:19:19,610 --> 00:19:20,610 Places, everybody. 306 00:19:20,810 --> 00:19:21,810 Great delay. 307 00:19:22,390 --> 00:19:24,390 Grip, good luck in the sea. 308 00:19:25,450 --> 00:19:26,450 Home wrecker. 309 00:19:28,150 --> 00:19:31,970 Do you mind if I have my chair? If I do anything wrong, please let me know, 310 00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:34,850 okay? Because it's all new to me. Oscar, you're going to be sensational. 311 00:19:35,410 --> 00:19:36,970 We're ready for the mayor. Your Honor? 312 00:19:37,570 --> 00:19:38,570 The mayor? 313 00:19:38,690 --> 00:19:40,550 Yeah, the mayor of Perron. 314 00:19:41,470 --> 00:19:44,510 He wouldn't give us a shooting permit, so I'll let him join the crew. 315 00:19:46,350 --> 00:19:47,350 Your Honor? 316 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:49,720 Roll camera. 317 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:56,640 Muppet. 318 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,640 And action. 319 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:06,520 Tell us about your career, partner. 320 00:20:06,780 --> 00:20:08,560 Now, Oscar, don't rush the line. 321 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:09,679 Take your time. 322 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,220 Start from the beginning. We're still rolling. 323 00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:12,780 Don't be nervous. Don't be nervous. 324 00:20:12,980 --> 00:20:13,980 Take it easy. 325 00:20:14,460 --> 00:20:15,780 Tell us about your career, Felix. 326 00:20:16,020 --> 00:20:17,620 See, it's your fault. From the beginning. 327 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,540 Tell us about your career, slugger. 328 00:20:22,140 --> 00:20:24,020 Well, it all started when I... Ow! 329 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:25,199 Oh, stop! 330 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:25,979 I'm sorry. 331 00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:29,600 I didn't mean to step on it. I stepped on it. I'm sorry. He tripped you? All 332 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:30,860 right, I... No trip. 333 00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:32,640 Art the Preacher did that to Shirley Temple. 334 00:20:34,740 --> 00:20:37,760 Gentlemen, if we can, from the top, we're still rolling. 335 00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:39,640 Tell us about your career, slugger. 336 00:20:40,260 --> 00:20:43,140 Well, it all started when I tried out for the minor league team. 337 00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:44,980 The Fort Worth Blues. 338 00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:46,940 How old were you then? 339 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:48,400 I was 17. 340 00:20:48,940 --> 00:20:49,940 And how old are you now? 341 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:51,760 22. 342 00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:58,360 Well, I was very green then, but I finally made the team. I made the team, 343 00:20:58,640 --> 00:20:59,640 It must have been quite a struggle. 344 00:20:59,820 --> 00:21:00,679 Oh, it was. 345 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,020 It was a real struggle. 346 00:21:02,420 --> 00:21:03,720 Hand me my shirt, will you, please? 347 00:21:26,250 --> 00:21:28,610 You saved that scene. The scene needed a laugh. 348 00:21:28,830 --> 00:21:33,910 You added three feet. Three moves. You go rest, baby. You loosen up and rest. 349 00:21:33,970 --> 00:21:34,970 I've talked to the biggies. 350 00:21:35,170 --> 00:21:36,290 What are we going to do? 351 00:21:36,610 --> 00:21:38,030 J .B., this is impossible. 352 00:21:38,270 --> 00:21:40,750 No, no, no. He'll get the hang of it. Did you get somebody else? 353 00:21:41,430 --> 00:21:45,310 No, don't do that. I don't want to postpone the scene. We're all fed up 354 00:21:45,310 --> 00:21:48,510 you replace him, it has to be here and now. No, don't. Please. I beg of you. 355 00:21:48,550 --> 00:21:51,970 He'll get good. We've got an hour to get another actor up here from L .A. 356 00:21:52,310 --> 00:21:56,430 But, gee, I wish we had somebody here who could... Step in who knew the lines. 357 00:21:56,630 --> 00:21:57,630 I do. 358 00:21:58,810 --> 00:22:00,250 What? I know all the lines. 359 00:22:00,910 --> 00:22:02,810 You can try it. Okay. Try it. 360 00:22:04,110 --> 00:22:05,110 Oscar! 361 00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:06,450 Yeah? 362 00:22:07,670 --> 00:22:10,630 Baby, you're out of the flick. 363 00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:12,830 What happened? 364 00:22:12,910 --> 00:22:14,250 They're going for a younger man. 365 00:22:16,330 --> 00:22:19,810 I fought like a banshee for you, but they wouldn't listen to me. 366 00:22:20,230 --> 00:22:21,550 Who'd they get to replace me? 367 00:22:22,070 --> 00:22:24,090 Give me your hat and your pad and wish me luck. 368 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:36,840 Tell me about your career, Slugger. 369 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:42,080 Well, it all started when I tried out for this team, the minor league team, 370 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:43,019 Worth Blues. 371 00:22:43,020 --> 00:22:43,899 Fort Worth? 372 00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:45,440 Yeah. That's in Texas. 373 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:47,480 Hot wind. 374 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:49,400 Bleeding sun. 375 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:52,860 How old were you then? 376 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:54,620 I was 17. 377 00:22:54,820 --> 00:22:56,700 A boy in a man's game. 378 00:23:06,350 --> 00:23:11,230 It was a struggle, yeah. You grew up in a grimy little cabin in the middle of 379 00:23:11,230 --> 00:23:12,590 the Texas panhandle. 380 00:23:13,710 --> 00:23:15,130 No heat, no food. 381 00:23:15,910 --> 00:23:18,370 For breakfast, you had to suck on a piece of cactus. 382 00:23:19,750 --> 00:23:23,870 You never had a toy to play with. You never had a pair of brown and white 383 00:23:24,030 --> 00:23:26,030 You never even took violin lessons. 384 00:23:26,690 --> 00:23:30,070 But you knew that you wanted to play baseball. 385 00:23:30,290 --> 00:23:31,830 You couldn't afford any equipment. 386 00:23:32,190 --> 00:23:35,650 So you made a catcher's mitt out of a satin pillow reed. 387 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:37,980 Greetings from Yellowstone Post. 388 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:14,380 acting I've ever seen in my entire life, and I appreciate it. But it worked. I 389 00:24:14,380 --> 00:24:18,000 told you Unger had a plan. I killed the hour. Now they've got to use you. You 390 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:19,000 know, I can't figure you out. 391 00:24:19,180 --> 00:24:22,440 One minute you're driving me up the wall, the next minute you do a crazy, 392 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,540 beautiful thing like this. You're a worse pimp than Crazy Rhoda. 393 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,800 Well, don't spread it around that I'm a nice guy. It'll kill me in the business. 394 00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:33,800 Here you go, baby. 395 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:35,019 All yours. 396 00:24:35,020 --> 00:24:36,020 Take a break. 397 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:39,020 Madison? Yeah? Out of the way, please. 398 00:24:40,110 --> 00:24:41,110 Who's going to play the reporter? 399 00:24:41,510 --> 00:24:42,510 None of your business. 400 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:15,020 I dreamed the movie came out and you were such a smash in it. They put your 401 00:25:15,020 --> 00:25:19,840 handprint in Grauman's Chinese. I never got in the picture, remember? I know, I 402 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,560 know, but I won't rest until I see your handprint. 29758

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