All language subtitles for The Odd Couple s03e18

All right, now, all those in favor of
the Lexington Avenue Opera Club starting

our season with Madame Butterfly again,
kindly signify by saying aye.

Aye. Those opposed?

It's unanimous. We're going to have
Madame Butterfly. Oh, great.

Oh, great. Now, what do we do first?
Henry, talk to the man who rented us the

kimonos and wigs last year, but tell him
this time he's going to have to wait

for his money.

Don't you have the money yet? I have it.
Don't worry about it.

As soon as I talk to Oscar, I'll have
the money. Last year, my wig didn't fit.

Don't worry about your wig fit. I had a
headache all through the second act. You

won't have a headache. We'll make your
wig fit. Look who's here, Mr. Madison.

Hi, everybody. Hello, Oscar.

Hello, Oscar.

Hello, Oscar.

I'll make some finger sandwiches.

Hey, buddy.

What's with the singing belligerent?

That's my opera group.

They like you.

Everybody likes you.

All right, Felix, what do you want?

What do you mean, what do I want? I
don't want to talk to you. No, no, no,

not in the mood.

What's the matter?

Well, you wouldn't understand.

Why, of course I would, buddy.

What happened?

I got kicked out of the pool room.

Not much left after you've been kicked
out of a pool room, is there?

Well, I've been shooting so good lately,
they're beginning to call me a hustler.

Are you?

No. And I was counting on winning enough
money to pay my bill.

You're really something. You love to
gamble, don't you? Don't nag me now,

you? I'm not nagging you. It's healthy.
You enjoy it. It's a good outlet. It's

perfectly normal. It's a good outlet?
You better quit the opera club. Too many

high notes. I'm not kidding.

You're an expert on gambling, aren't
you? On gambling, yeah. Not on winning.

Yeah, but you know odds. You know the
games. You know all those things. You

all that. Ladies and gentlemen, I give
you the savior of the Lexington Avenue

Opera Club.

Oscar Madison!

On

November

13th, Felix Unger was asked to remove
himself from his place of residence.

That request came from his wife.

Deep down, he knew she was right, but he
also knew that someday he would return

to her.

With nowhere else to go, he appeared at
the home of his friend, Oscar Madison.

Several years earlier, Madison's wife
had thrown him out, requesting that he

never return.

Can two divorced men share an apartment
without driving each other crazy?

Oscar?

No.

I didn't say anything yet. What do you
say? No. Well, let's start with Noah.

We'll work from there.

My opera club is in desperate trouble. I
know. I've heard them sing.

That's a goodie.

You're some character. You really are.

You made yourself a sandwich and now
you've got my finger sandwiches?

Yeah, they're going to be for dessert.

No, the opera club.

It's been operating for several years at
a steady loss.

So have I.

You know, every year we run a
fundraising event. How much are the

what does the make of the car?

We're not going to have some corny
raffle.

That's for Easter.

You know what we're going to do this
year?

We're going to have a Monte Carlo night.

Gambling for the sake of the opera.

Good. Well, that's all right with me.

Well, there's only one problem.

We don't know much about gambling.

What's to know?

You call your bookie and the lady will
send him a check.

The Monte Carlo night's a lot more
complicated than that.

All right, Felix. What do you want from
me?

Put that down.

Not back in there after spinning you.

All right.

Here's what I want you to do.

You'd know where to rent gambling
equipment. We don't know that. And you

get it at the right price.

Then teach our members how to operate
the equipment. Then set the odds so we

make a lot of money. Then spread the
word around so we'll have a lot of

there gambling. Then on the night of the
event, you run everything.

Can you do that? Sure.

Just let me step into a telephone booth,
change into my cape, break a date with

Lois Lane, and I'll be right out.

No, it's a lot of work, but you've run
out gambling nights before.

Yeah, in Vinnie's garage. I brought the
equipment in my pocket.

Are you trying to say you don't want to
help me?

Felix, I'm trying to tell you that I can
help you. I don't have the time. I

would if I could, but honestly, I really
can't.

It's a swell punch.

All right.

I'm going to have a Monte Carlo night,
that's all.

No law says we have to.

No law says we have to have an opera.

We live without penicillin all these
years. We live without this.

Oh, I'm sure somebody in the club knows
someone who can handle it. They don't

know anybody like that. They're all
decent people.

I didn't mean that. I didn't mean... Oh,
come on. Do it, please. It'll be so

much fun. On the night of the event,
we'll have a special ad featuring your

picture in the program.

Thanks to Oscar Madison.

Without whom, our production of Madame
Butterfly would have been Madame Moth.

You set the odds.

You know, I did have a dream once.

That I was Humphrey Bogart and I was
running a casino. Everybody came to see

Rick, see?

This time, all the money goes to the
opera.

In the dream, I got all the money and
Ingrid Bergman.

Come on, you'll do it, won't you?

All right. I knew you would. I knew you
would.

Grazie. Mille grazie.

Faites le jeu, mesdames et messieurs.
Faites le jeu.

Mes amis, faites le jeu, hein?

Three red.

Trois rouge.

Oh, nobody wins.

Quel dommage. Quel dommage.

Little atmosphere.

Atmosphere. And here we have the wheel
of fortune. Around, around she goes. And

where she stops. Que sera, sera.

And what's that wheel? What do you call
this thing?

This is a show of love, mesdames et
messieurs.

Oh, and you are in the sewer.

Too bad. Maybe you are lucky at love,
monsieur.

When people are losing, they don't like
to be laughed at, especially in two

languages. This is the only game in
town.

What a crowd. You did such a great job.
Where did you get all these people? It

was easy. I told my bookie about it. He
did the rest.

You mean these are, some of these are
professional gamblers? Oh, no.

Oh, no.

How could you do that to me? What's the
matter?

Because professional gamblers know how
to win.

I want people to lose like you.

Professional gamblers spend a lot of
money at places like this. Not like

piccolo players you invited.

Besides, you're winning.

Am I? Oh, the club's way ahead. Are we
really? Oh, thank you.

Wait, whoa. I think we ought to close.

Why? We said we'd close at 12 o 'clock.
Let's not get greedy. It's 12 o 'clock.

No, no, but you said we're winning.
We're getting ahead.

Yeah, but, Felix, listen. You said the
odds are with the house, didn't you? If

we make more money, then we can put on
two odds. Yeah, but the odds can turn on

you. How can they turn when the odds are
with the house? I've seen it happen a

million times.

Eleven. A winner. Pay the man. A million
and one times.

But he's got it all on one number.
Listen,

I'm the house. You could lose your shirt
on this game. Why don't you spread it

around? Let it ride. Spin the wheel.

I'm the house and it's my ball.

Everybody go home.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

All you can say, we're ruined.

I'm ruined. They'll never talk to me
again.

I blame you.

Blame me? Yes, bringing in professional
gamblers, playing numbers nobody ever

heard of.

Eleven.

And that ball was tricky, too. It tasted
funny.

Those are the breaks. That's why they
call it gambling.

Anyway, it's your fault.

I said to close at 12 o 'clock. You got
greedy. You're the one who blew it.

There's no sense in pointing the
accusing finger of blame at anybody.

The point is, what are we going to do
now?

There's nothing you can do now.

Arnold won the money honestly.

Arnold? Yeah.

You know him? Yeah, I know him a long
time. I'm kidding.

Put the 20s over here.

Put the 10s over there.

Singles are here.

Where did you get all that money?

From Arnold. He owed it to me.

What? Yeah.

He owed it to me since the year one.

The Let It Ride guy owed you money?

That's my Arnold.

Well, that's wonderful.

Don't touch the money.

But what a play. I told you not to touch
it.

But now the opera club gets its money
back.

Yay!

Now I know I didn't hear you.

Surely you're not thinking of keeping
that money.

Why not? It's my money. No, it's not.

It belongs to the opera club.

How do you figure that?

Well, Arnold got it from us. You got it
from him. You give it back to us. Then

everybody's even.

I can't be right. See, I'd be out all
this money. No, you wouldn't. You'd just

be back where you started from.

Yeah, but only Arnold wouldn't owe it to
me anymore. I had this money coming to

me. But it came from the opera club.

From them.

To him, to you, to me. It's like an
isosceles triangle.

An isosceles triangle. Now you explained
it properly.

Now, all I have to do is call up Arnold,
see, and I say, Arnold, you know the

money you paid me? Well, I had to give
it to my roommate to put on a production

of Madam Butterfly. So you're going to
have to pay me back again, see?

And then he'll say, I'll twist your
little rigoletto.

I'm not giving you that money!

Boy, talk about selfish!

You're not going to get your picture in
the program.

Now, we're not going to panic. We're not
going to give up. We're just

going to keep on trying. The costumer
says if we don't come up with some money

by this weekend, we can forget about the
kimonos.

What about my wig?

Don't worry about your wig, Vivian. Your
wig is going to be fine.

Felix, you told us you could get that
money back. I'll get it. I'll get it.

I'm wearing him down.

This morning he talked to me. That's
something.

Well, if there's nothing else, I think
maybe we'd better break up the meeting

because I don't want you here when he
comes home. We just started. I know, but

he says the group makes him nervous and
I want to talk to him.

Hey, hi, gang. How are you?

Go and watch the grill and have a beer.

Nothing? Let us know what happens,
Felix.

We'll have a seat somewhere.

Don't worry about your wig, baby.

This is silent treatment.

Well, what do you expect from a group
that's been denied a rehearsal hall? The

landlord asked for the rent. I told him
I don't have the rent. Oscar Madison has

the rent.

Oscar,

if we don't bring up the money for the
costumes, he's got to sell them to a

company of flower drum songs.

In the three years I've lived here, I
have never asked you for one red thing.

The one thing I liked about you. I'm not
asking you for any money now. All I'm

asking for is a loan.

A loan?

What are you going to put up for
collateral? Will you vaporize it?

Oscar, if I... If I don't give the money
back to you in six months, I guarantee

you I'll do anything you say.

Right. I'll even move out. You got it.

Well, I figured out that if we just
charge 35 cents more per ticket, we'll

enough to pay Oscar back.

Well, it just means we won't have our
picnic this year, that's all.

I'll have the money tonight.

Okay, good.

Oh, boy, am I glad to see you. No, not
out of the faucet. Come on.

Tastes better that way.

Hey, you're making cookies, yeah? Making
your favorites.

Yeah, shaped like horses' heads. Ah,
cookies.

That's the least I can do for the man
who's giving us back our opera season.

Look at this.

make the best cookies. King of the
cookies. I'm king of the cookies. Yep.

Did you bring the money?

Yeah, well, I want to give it to you on
Wednesday.

Good. Wednesday?

I don't understand.

Well, see, Wednesday is when I'm going
to win it, so that's when I'm going to

give it to you.

You're going to win it? Yeah. Look,
Felix, I went to the bank this morning,

took out the money, and I just happened
to be passing the pool room.

And you lost it. No, no, I didn't lose
it.

See, I ran into Short Shot Wilson, and
he challenged me to a game. And you lost

the money. I did not lose the money.
Now, this man is the champ of the 34th

Street Pool Room. Now, he challenged me,
Felix. One game, 250 points for the

whole pile.

See, Wednesday, I'll have a lot of
money, and you'll still have your money.

Oscar. Oscar.

Oscar.

See, he challenged me.

Everybody was around. They were looking.
Arnold, all my friends. I mean...

What could I say? If I backed down, if I
chickened out, wow, they probably never

would talk to me again.

Don't you understand?

Understand? Sure. I know you don't want
to be humiliated in front of your

friends. Yeah. See, so I put up the
murder.

What's done is done.

As Macbeth said, what's done cannot be
undone.

Murderer!

Murderer.

Macbeth, I can't talk to you.

Where are you going?

I'm going to the pool room and practice.

Practice? Yeah.

I thought you were supposed to be so
good.

Oh, everybody practices. Even the best
player in the world practices.

I'm going with you. What for?

Well, I have to take my money. I want to
see if you're any good.

You can't go to the pool room. Your
mother won't let you. I won't tell her.

It's a very important part of the game.

I like when the white ball hits and
makes you all go there.

Hey,

bravo. Great.

Very great. You're very good at pool.

I wonder how you say pool in Italian.

La pula.

Do you know how to say pool in Italian?

Pool. Pool's a lake. Lago. Lago. Bravo
in lago.

Would you stand back a little bit,
please?

Back in this kingdom.

Bravo. Bravo, Inago.

How do you know when you're winning if
you play by yourself?

I get the balls in the pockets, I'm
winning.

Ah.

Bravo, bravo, bravo. Let me try one.

All right, here.

Here. I didn't know you played pool.

I don't.

Famous golf, isn't it? You just put a
ball in a hole.

I didn't know you played golf.

I don't. Shoot.

I do? Make the nine ball in the corner
pocket.

How do you know it's a nine ball? Take a
look.

Oh, it's got a little number on it,
hasn't it?

It's clever.

Okay.

Aha! Now, I'm going to put the 14 ball
in that. No, no.

more with? Stop. You can't put it around
the table, make everything a pocket

hanger. Oh, that's much harder that way,
isn't it?

Felix, you want me to win that game? Let
me practice. Leave me alone, please.

Who's that man there?

That's the guy holding the bet, the
money.

Where's he holding it? In the paper bag.

I was asleep. Anybody could come along
and take it.

Is it safe?

I don't believe it. I'm getting wiped
out. You're worried about his call.

Told you the ventilation in here was
terrible.

And that's a miss.

Finally. Your chance. Now, you're going
to win. Now, stay cool.

Concentrate. Concentrate on each ball.
Don't get too excited. Can I shoot

the cue warps? Yes, yes.

Remember, he's going to win. He's my
friend. He's good.

Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.

Bravo. Bravo.

Bravo. Bravo.

Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.
Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.

Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.
Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.

Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.
Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.

Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.
Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.

Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.
Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.

Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.
Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.

Bravo.

cough you've got.

What cough?

Listen to you.

See?

You know what causes that, don't you?

Look, Mac, I'm trying to concentrate on
a game. Will you please cool it?

Try to do someone a favor.

Sit down, sir.

causes it.

Smoking, of course.

But you smoke two packs a day.

Four.

Four?

You smoke four packages of cigarettes a
day. My Uncle Edward used to smoke four

packages of cigarettes a day. He quit.

He died.

Uncle Edward was only 46 years of age.

I'm 45.

Where do you feel it worst?

In your throat or down in your chest?

What difference does it make?

To me, is it important?

The right answer could save your life.

Chest.

Throat. I should have said throat.

When did you last have a

chest X -ray? Chest X -ray?

Sure shot, 240.

Sure shot, sure shot. You know, it used
to get me first in the throat. Sure

shot. And then... Sure shot, sure shot.
Of course. What? Pool, remember?

Oh.

That's bad, huh? Yeah.

I'm naturally elated that my friend won,
but I hope I didn't upset you.

Forget it. You taught me one lesson.

Never shoot bull without a cigarette.

Such a nervous man.

I made him nervous. See, he was shaking.

I told you about my Uncle Edward.

Who?

My Uncle Edward.

The one that was killed in the bus
crash.

He's the bad.