All language subtitles for The Odd Couple s01e11

Is that you putting a flower on your
buttonhole? Yeah, you like it?

Yeah, but aren't you afraid the jacket
will wilt the flower?

What are you talking about? I just had
it cleaned.

You should have had it pressed while you
were at it. What are you doing in your

pajamas? I thought you had a date with
Geraldine.

Geraldine and I had a tiff. Oh.

We are no more.

A tiff, huh?

Took her to a cocktail party last night.
I ended up taking another girl home.

Why'd you do that?

Because she put a lampshade on her head.
She can't handle a liquor.

Hey, what's Geraldine's phone number?

Oh, I'm only kidding. I got a date with
Gwen Pigeon tonight. When she drinks,

she gets frisky. Oh,

come on. Call Geraldine, will you? Lamb
shades aren't so bad.

When my ex -wife used to have too much
to drink, she'd put on a ballet shoes

do Swan Lake.

Oh, I used to pray for a real lake so
she would fall in. And a hungry

would come along.

Really on a bummer. I'm stuck in Canada
and my photographer copped out on me.

Now, can you catch Canadian flight 306
to Quebec?

For what?

To do a cover for Lifestyle
Publications.

Wow. I left a ticket for you at the
airport.

The plane leaves in 68 minutes.

Tonight? You couldn't have called a
little later?

Hunger. This is a fast -paced happening
world. There are no time for

formalities. Why do you think
advertising has accepted me in such a

Because your father -in -law owns the
agency.

Yeah, but he knows his daughter married
a today guy.

Now, what do you say, Unger? Will you
take the job?

Look, if I'm going to make that plane,
I've got things to do. I've got to pack.

I've got to cancel an appointment. I
have to buy cold pills.

Unger, you stick with me. I will make
you a giant on Madison Avenue.

I'm where it's at, and I want you with
me. It's not exactly where I want to be,

but for a lifestyle cover, I'll do it.

Oh, right on.

Right off.

I'm leaving for Canada right now. Call.

Eight hours.

Cast model for Thursday.

Right away.

This evening by a pet ocelot which was
said to have escaped from a Sutton Place

townhouse. The driver of the car
responsible for the pileup is

sue the owners of the ocelot for
whiplash and possession of a dangerous

Just a minute.

Felix! It's for you!

Wait a minute.

Felix!

Oh, no, he's not.

No. You bet hasn't been slipped yet.

Yeah.

And maybe he got lucky.

Yeah.

I'll tell him.

Come on, man.

Wouldn't you know it, the phone is
snowballing, too.

Oh, that's the topper. I lost my wallet.

I was so rushed, I left it at the
airline counter, along with my toilet

articles, my cold pills.

You know, I once had the Victor Coldfill
account, but they fired me. Said the ad

campaign was too far out.

I remember that ad.

The nude with the runny nose.

Well, that was in questionable taste,
don't you think?

No, it was heavy.

Felix is right. It was in questionable
taste.

I know.

I was the nude.

I thought you looked familiar.

Felix is missing?

He can't be. I just called him in. Just
like that, huh?

He's been gone since Wednesday night. No
phone calls, nothing. That's why I'm

waiting for Murray to get here. Come on,
sit down, Oscar. We can play without

Murray. Speed, for goodness sakes,
didn't you hear? Felix is missing.

Yeah, so we can play with four.

Look, what do you want to bet he shows
up tonight? All I have to do is deal him

a hand and he'll show up.

Speed, somebody deals a hand, you show
up. But if it happens, Felix is the one

that's missing. What about work?

Hasn't he been to work?

That's what worries me.

One of his models called me up today,
told me she had an appointment with him,

and he didn't show up. Now, Felix never
misses an appointment.

Especially with a model.

Are you guys gonna play poker?

Speed, will you hold it a minute?

This is the last time I'm playing poker
at a missing persons bureau.

I'd like Felix to drop out of sight.

Drop out of sight?

Oscar!

Remember that time? The night his wife
walked out on him?

He's gonna jump. You don't think that
he... Come on. Down in the street with

that litter? Felix wouldn't jump down
there.

Yeah. Felix would do it in a cleaner
way.

Anybody beat aces?

What makes you guys think he committed
suicide? Felix didn't commit suicide.

I'm gonna take the pot.

Take the pot. It's your money. Take the
pot. Oscar, how do you know he didn't

commit suicide?

All right.

All right. That proves it. You sound
like... flight, Felix didn't commit

suicide. It's a black suit. What does
that prove?

Well, Felix always wears his black suit
for formal functions like funerals,

weddings, and suicides.

Well, here we are under the worst
possible conditions. We're snowbound, no

no wallet. He's here.

Let's have fun.

You know there must be ten feet of snow
out there. We're really snowbound.

I just don't believe it.

Snowbound. This is really getting me
uptight.

Now, look, I have got people to see and
deals to make. We could be trapped up

here for a week away from everything
that's happening. By the time we get

you won't be happening.

Felix, are you saying we're all going to
be trapped in here?

Yes, that's exactly what he's saying.

My father -in -law will not understand
this. When I get back, I'll probably

my desk in the mail room.

I just don't believe it.

Snowbound.

Well, we have plenty of food, but we're
almost out of firewood. We've got

brandy. That's a great warmer -upper.

All right. freeze.

I haven't said anything up till now. I
think now it's serious. We will not be

able to shoot this layout. Oh, of course
we will. We'll shoot it in here.

We'll pose the girls around the
fireplace in front of the window. We'll

layout Snowbound.

Snowbound?

Unger! That's now thinking!

Go, now, in the other room. Watch Sesame
Street.

I don't think there's a TV.

Pretend.

Could I watch?

Oh, I can watch anything I want. I don't
have to ask you.

What are we going to do when the brandy
and the firewood are gone?

Well, there's always the old Eskimo
custom of huddling close together for

warmth.

Maybe we ought to practice the Eskimo
thing now, in case we have to do it

tonight.

That's now thinking.

Besides, if Felix was going to end it
all, he'd leave a note neatly typed and

three volumes.

He leaves a note when he goes to empty
the trash.

Hey. My wife always leaves a note for me
in the refrigerator on top of the six

-pack. All right, we'll try it. Oscar!
In a minute!

I can't believe it. What?

There's no beer.

And no note either.

Here, here, I found it. Here's a note.
Pick up some tuna, cheese, and a six

-pack of beer.

Dad! I finally won once.

Can you believe this, man?

What about your bedroom?

No, Felix never goes into my bedroom and
makes him sick. He could have left a

note on your pillow. I'm telling you, he
didn't leave a note on my pillow.

I tell you, there's nothing in here.

Nothing here.

Looks like Wall Street after a ticker
tape parade.

I've been so worried about Felix, I
haven't had a chance to clean up. Hey,

what's this?

I think I found it. Hey,

Oscar, this is the end.

We're finished.

I can't stand it another second picking
up after you.

You're running around, you're caught,
loudmouth poker -playing friends.

Of course.

By the time you read this, I'll be in
Reno.

Reno?

This isn't from Felix, it's from my ex
-wife.

What do you know?

Lance left me a note when she walked out
on me.

Oscar, she walked out on you two years
ago.

Yeah, I didn't even know she could
write.

Look, I told you Felix couldn't leave a
note here.

That, that, that's your brains off. Have
you checked with the police?

I'm waiting for Murray to get here.

You think Murray is missing, too?

Will you guys stop playing Dick Tracy
and let's play poker?

Speed, I don't believe you. You'd miss
your own funeral to play poker.

Just bury me with openers.

Murray. Hey. Hi.

Yeah? Listen, I want to talk to you.
Hold it a minute, Oscar.

Felix isn't here, right? Well, that's
what we want to talk to you about. I

How could you know?

I've had a lot of tough assignments
since I've been in the force, but this

the toughest.

Guys?

Men?

I don't know how to say this. Say what?

I got a car downstairs.

I want all of you to come downtown with
me.

What for?

To identify Felix.

Identify Felix? I can identify him. He's
a nice -looking guy, a pain in the neck

about cleaning up. Oscar, this is no
joking matter.

Why are you so upset?

He's in the morgue.

Felix's wallet, all right.

That was once the picture of his ex
-wife and his ex -daughter. And his

cards. Cards?

Oh, credit cards.

You're sure?

Oh, I'd know Felix's wallet anyplace
without the dogs, without the ex -wives,

without... Yeah? And how would you know
that?

Because his name is stamped in gold
there.

Oh, you're right.

It's your ogre's wallet.

Let's see the body.

Benny, come on, boy. You know he looks
like a phantom.

You better get him out of here. You all
right, buddy?

He'll be all right.

Clean

one,

all right.

You hear that, Roy? Clean.

That's Felix.

That's... Felix?

They found him in a river. It changes
people.

I don't care. That's not Felix. How long
was he in the water?

Last night.

Possibly Thursday morning.

I don't care how long he was in the
water. I tell you, that's not Felix.

Poor Felix.

Your little heart is pounding away.

It's hard to believe.

He laid out his last buffet.

That's him!

That's him!

That's Sam, all right!

Poor Sam.

He looked so peaceful.

Like he was lying on a bench, sleeping
it off.

You see, a reliable source agrees with
me. It's not Felix.

But he had Felix's wallet.

He was my best friend.

How long did you know him?

Since about 12 o 'clock last night.

Where'd he get Unger's wallet?

I never saw that before.

Then why did you push your friend Sam in
the river? Who, me?

Now, why would I do that?

He had the wine.

We were pals.

We were going to open a business
together.

Cassette. Take him up.

I want to find out what he knows about
this damn character.

And you, all of you, let's go upstairs.

I want a few answers from you.

To what questions?

Like, where's Felix Unger?

That's a good question.

Oh, here.

This is crazy. We're wasting time. We
should be out looking for Felix.

All of you, sit down here.

Murray, over here.

Hey, Sarge, you don't happen to have an
extra deck of cards for us, do you?

Speed, this is headquarters downtown.

Thanks.

See, he gives me a deck of cards, you
give me the address. That's why he's a

sergeant. Don't be nervous.

I'm not nervous. I'm cold.

You all did pretty well, didn't you?

Uh, yes.

We used to go over to his house to
play... to play poker, right? I know all

about your weekly game. Murray told me.

Why do you think he was in your game?

Because I didn't want him in mine. Until
I get my promotion.

Right, Sarge? We'll see.

Did he have any enemies?

Who? Unger.

Felix? That's who we're talking about.

No one ever threatened him.

Felix?

Oh, no.

Oh, uh, well, uh... Someone did threaten
him. Felix?

Well, uh, not really.

Suppose you tell me all about it. Yeah,
tell us, man. Who threatened him?

Well, it was, uh, just a couple of days
after Felix moved into Oscar's

apartment.

Let's see.

I had just gotten there.

Hi, Vinnie. Come on in. Hi, Felix. Hey,
does that stuff work? Very efficient.

Look at this. Hey.

Hi, Oscar. You notice anything?

What happened to the wall? I scrubbed
it. What do you mean you scrubbed it?

Well, it was filthy.

It was a mess, especially right over
here near the phone. That was not a

Those were my hot numbers. This is no
place to put them down.

Well, some people have little black
books, but you can lose little black

I never thought I could lose a wall. You
know, you scrubbed out Loretta and

Shirley. Keep your hands off there.

Felix, I could kill you!

Felix, I could kill you?

Wait a minute.

Vinnie, you make it sound like I was
sore at Felix.

You were.

Yeah, but tell them we made up later.

They made up later. Yeah, tell them what
good friends we are in spite of our

fights. We're good friends in spite of
their fights. Quit leading the witness,

Madison, and sit down. I'm running this
show. We are good friends. Now!

Better sit down, Oscar.

Remember this, Judas.

Oh, yeah, that copper.

Okay.

What about you?

You ever hear anyone threaten Unger?

Come to think of it, one of the guys did
threaten Felix.

But Oscar didn't mean it.

Oscar didn't mean it? Sit down, Madison.

But... Now!

Tell your story and don't be
intimidated.

Well... I know those two guys like I
know a ledger sheet. And they balance

other.

One night, after the game was over...
What time is the

event?

Order is finished.

Quit so early. Did you see that piece of
paper I had here next to the pickle?

Uh, the score sheet. Yeah, I need it to
settle up. I'm the big winner this week.

No, you're not. I am. This is the first
time I won six weeks. You're out of your

mind. I wonder if you had the part
you're telling me now that I'm not the

winner. Besides,

I threw it away.

You threw it away? Why?

Because it was green with pickle juice.
To you, that was pickle juice. To me, it

was money. Well, who needs it? I
remember who took what.

I don't trust your memory. Now, where is
it?

I threw it down the trash chute.

And that's when Madison wanted to kill
Unger, hmm? No, no, it wasn't until

he ran down to the basement and dug
through all that garbage and found the

paper. Felix remembered everything
exactly right.

Speed was the big winner, Oscar the
loser. That's right, Murray.

But it was an honest mistake.

I've heard that one before.

Inspector Flanagan, you're a poker
player, aren't you? Wouldn't you be

if somebody threw away the score sheet?

Maybe. But I don't think I'd threaten to
murder him. I didn't say that!

Oscar, do what he says.

What about you?

You ever hear Madison threaten to kill
Unger? No, I never heard him threaten to

kill Felix. No, all I heard Oscar once
was threaten to break Felix's neck,

has been proven by medical authorities
not to be fatal in some cases.

Thanks a lot, Speed.

Tell me what you remember about the
incident.

Better tell him, Speed.

Yeah, go on, bury me.

Let's see.

It was during one of our regular
friendly games, you know.

Just trying to decide what to do.

Hello?

Just a moment, please. Oscar, it's for
you.

I'm busy.

It's a girl.

Take my hand, will you? Okay, I think
I'll take three.

Cards.

Hmm.

Felix, you can't draw five cards.

I know that.

I'll take one.

Dealer takes two.

Call you right back.

Felix, what did you do?

Well, I thought... You broke up a pair
of kings to draw to an inside straight?

I remember that. And he drew another
king. I'm gonna kill them!

This is a frame -up.

I'm being framed by myself.

And my ex -best friends.

I don't believe it! All right.

I've heard enough.

So, why, this is the craziest thing
you've ever... Hold it right there,

Not another word.

You didn't make any statement or answer
any questions without your lawyer

present. Thank you. But they didn't
answer their lawyers. They didn't need

Needless to say, Madison, you are my
prime suspect in the case.

Would it be unconstitutional to ask what
case? All you have so far is a wet

wallet. At this point, who knows?

Missing person.

Kidnapping. Maybe even murder.

Murder? But it wasn't Felix down there.
You can't hold me for that.

Well, it can't be too serious.

Didn't ask me not to leave town.

Madison, don't leave town.

Well, you guys did it to me, huh?

When a guy's got friends like you, he
also needs a very good lawyer. Look, you

were always saying things like that,
weren't you?

I mean, we told the sergeant you didn't
mean a word of it, didn't we? Oh, that

made all the difference. Thanks, Roy.
You know it. It makes a difference

first -degree and third -degree murder.

I wonder if Truman Capote would write
this.

It'd be a bestseller.

It's hard to believe that Felix is
really gone.

Felix isn't gone.

I mean, yes, he's gone, but he's not
really gone. I don't know what I mean.

Now, come on, everybody.

Let's play a few hands. Listen to that.

How can he think of cards at a time like
this? You should be thinking of Felix.

I am thinking of Felix.

This could be a memorial poker game.

Who knew?

It's in Felix's memory.

You shouldn't always have been saying
you were going to kill him. No, that was

wrong. It's an expression. I'd have to
be crazy to mean a thing like that.

Hey, got a great idea.

What's a great idea?

Temporary insanity.

You better sit down. I don't think I
forgot, Judas, what you do.

Hey, the winners could chip in for
Oscar's lawyer.

Oscar doesn't need a lawyer.

But Felix isn't dead.

He's missing, that's all.

And I don't want to hear about it
anymore.

I don't even want to hear his name
mentioned anymore.

Remember that funny sound that Felix
used to make when he tried to clear his

ears?

Yeah. I can almost hear it now.

I did hear it.

So did I.

I wonder what causes that.

Mass hypnosis brought on by grief.

It's not mass hypnosis brought on by
grief. It's feelings!

Feelings,

we were worried sick. We thought you
were dead.

Oh, I am. I really am dead.

Absolutely exhausted.

Felix, where have you been? What have
you been doing? What happened to you?

Where haven't I been? What haven't I
been doing? What didn't happen to me? I

lost my wallet. I lost my nasal spray.

Didn't you get my note? What note? You
didn't leave a note. We looked high and

low. We couldn't find the note. No, not
your bed table.

I better call it until we find the body.

Alive and honky.

Tell me I didn't leave you a note.

Felix, you got this out of your bedroom,
not mine. It's my file copy.

Your file?

Murray, I'll give you $200 for your gun.

late, but the meeting with Lifestyle ran
longer than I expected.

That's okay. At least you called.

Well, if I missed you, I was going to
leave a message at the morgue. That's

fair. Look at these pictures.

Yeah. These are the ones you shot for
the magazine? Yeah.

Look at the style. Just look at this
one.

Yeah. See how I used the snow as a
backdrop?

Yeah, that's some backdrop. What are
their names for you?

Priscilla and Jeannie.

Can you ever forgive me? For what? For
trying to find you.