All language subtitles for Only Fools and Horses s01e05

Stick a bunny in me pocket.

I'll fetch the suitcase from the bank.

Cause if you want the best things but
you don't ask questions, then brother,

your man.

Cause where it all comes from is a
mystery.

It's like the changing of the seasons
and the tides of the sea.

But here's the one who's driving me
berserk.

Why do...

Yeah, I was watching, eh?

Only Fools and Horses is one of
Britain's most loved shows on TV.

Lovely, lovely.

64 episodes were made between 1981 and
2003, and it's still watched and

laughed at by millions of us every week.

With every line written by just one man.

The success of Fools and Horses can be
summed up with two words, and it's John

Sullivan. The story of Derek Trotter's
life is the story of John Sullivan's

creative genius.

I don't think anybody really touches
John for being able to make you laugh.

And being able to make you cry.

It's time next year.

I've been billionaires.

Celebrating the wonderful comedy world
of John Sullivan.

We'll be getting the inside story on the
Trotters from the horse's mouth.

I was nearly fired because of that
thing.

Oi! I said to John, you can't use this.

Come on, get him off!

We've also recreated some of the fence.

reunited cast members, and have talked
to some of the show's most famous fans.

One of the incredible things about Fools
and Horses is that you can grow up

watching it. I can't remember a time
before I watched only Fools and Horses.

It's really, really, really the best.

Over the next hour, we are going behind
the scenes as we look at how the shows

were put together.

As well as showing you some only Fools
and Horses material, which has never

before been seen on British television.

So sit back and enjoy the definitive
story of Only Fools and Horses, the show

which has given us some of the most
memorable moments in British comedy.

Of course, that's just comedy. I mean,
it doesn't really happen in

real life.

It's not supposed to happen in real
life.

Grandad?

Still hasn't got it right.

Where you go then?

Where I go what? Well, you know, you
know, start the old typing.

Yeah, be creative.

I can't just be creative at the drop of
an egg, can I?

There are certain things a writer needs
before he can actually start writing.

Like a story.

Oh,

what a very pleasant evening.

We, as actors, I know David and I
discussed this once, couldn't wait for

Pools and Horses script to flop through
the letterbox.

When we were in the office waiting for
the next script, you'd have to stop

people else reading it because you
needed to read it first.

But there were people going... Yes,
that's right.

You can't have a laugh.

John Sullivan wrote 64 episodes in
total, which were anything from 30

full feature -length epics.

We're going to Holland, Rodney.

We're going to Holland.

From John Sullivan's imagination to our
TV screens took an army of BBC

production staff and a whole host of
actors.

who had little time to turn each script
into a comedy classic.

When we're doing the read -through, for
me, that was like watching Fools and

Horses for the first time.

And we'd all sit around and we'd read
the script, and the first reading, it

would go to maybe 45 minutes, because
we're laughing so much. Now, this is a

Jaws -type story.

Jaws? Jaws has been done, though. Yeah,
I know, I know, it's been done, but it's

different. It's called There's a Rhino
Loose in the City.

LAUGHTER

It is a ro... Loose in the... As in
rhinoceros.

That's right.

There's a rhino loose in the city.

What's it about, Bill?

John Sullivan, his beamy face at read
-throughs, you know, if you looked up at

him when there was a particularly huge
laugh line...

And he'd just be so chuffed but try not
to show it, you know, because that was

his payoff, was knowing that if we round
a table found it very, very funny, then

it was very likely that the 24 million
people watching it were going to find it

funny too.

I used to watch John a lot and he would
just keep his head down and he'd just

nod quietly to himself.

And I'd think, you clever bugger, you've
just crafted this incredible gag

or joke or situation.

The table is in bed.

We're falling about. Can't breathe in
fast enough.

And you're just there going, yeah,
that's all right, that's all right.

Nobody knows it's escaped.

What about the eight million people
living in London? Don't none of them

it? Yeah, but the ones who spot it,
they're the ones who get trampled to

What about all the others?

The people in offices, the people in
cabs, the people sitting on tops of

It's a rhino, Dale.

He only comes out at night.

What is it, a vampire, I know.

Once the script is written, any untold
number of problems can throw production

into chaos.

We were in the production office one day
and we got a phone call from Patrick

Murray, who plays Mickey Pierce.

And we were about to start rehearsals
for an episode and then found out that

he'd broken his arm.

Mickey Pierce couldn't be on our screens
bandaged up without it being part of

the story. And with rehearsals beginning
the following day, the obvious decision

would be to cut the character from the
script.

What John Sullivan did, he said, tell
him to come in, I'm going to rewrite it.

And what he did, he wrote my injury into
the episode.

Danny Driscoll said this was a friendly
warning.

I'm sorry, Del, we had to tell him you'd
taken the phones.

They've got it in their heads that
you're trying to con him.

They're looking for you, Del.

So it all made sense. So I could do the
episode.

And I turned up at 8 o 'clock in the
morning at the rehearsal rooms and there

was no -one there.

And then suddenly the doors burst open
and all the cast came in wearing false

arms and broken legs from the props
department. You know, you all right,

How's it going? I went, oh.

LAUGHTER

Even with the funniest scripts, you
still need comedy performers to get the

laughs out of the line.

I'm getting married.

And among such a gifted and experienced
cast were a couple of leads who happened

to be two of the finest comedy actors of
their generation.

As Macbeth said to Hamlet in Midsummer
Night's Dream, we've been done up like

a couple of kibbutz.

We were very lucky to hit it off from
day one with professional mutual respect

and, of course, a friendship as well and
brothers in arms.

A very important element was the
relationship which Nick and I had.

He was so easy to get along with. In
other words, we were really good

During rehearsal, I always watched
because I was fascinated by the way the

of them worked together.

And the timing often surprised me.

All right.

It was always just right.

But the comedy chemistry wasn't always
there. In our exhaustive trawl of the

archive, we have found their first ever
on -screen meeting.

Four years before any food, a curiously
Del like David is being interviewed on a

kids' TV show by a familiar -looking 16
-year -old Jonathan Ross wannabe.

I was going to say, did you enjoy... Did
you enjoy doing... Forgotten.

Forgotten? No, I didn't enjoy it.

Well, that is a very good point.

Thankfully for us, Sir David Jason and
Nicholas Lindhurst became masters of

their craft.

Chicks. That scene where I was taking
all the, well, disrobing, it's about the

timing, and it's all down to Davis for
the next reaction.

Because the audience doesn't know, and
he looks like, you know, everybody's

image of a...

It's got to be a series of reveals.

Yeah, well, my name is Derek Trotter of
the Derek Trotter International Stars

Agency, Peckham. You can call me Del.

That make it go... Now, I've already got
a confirmed booking at the

Starlight Rooms with an option on a long
-term... I

don't get many bookings.

LAUGHTER Suddenly, there is no pop star
there at all.

And then the final thing is that the
character Tony Angelina takes out

his codpiece.

LAUGHTER It was that moment, really,
which took the most

choreographing. And I remembered...

David Jason basically says, oh, no, no,
no, no, no, Rod, as usual, you've got to

turn away at that point. So when I turn
around with the sausage, you know, you

haven't seen what's gone before.

It was like

learning with real pros, you saw.

I've arrived. Wait a second, I'll just
turn the sound up.

Rehearsals would take place over two
days before the final recording, and in

search to show you some unseen gems, we
have uncovered some very rare tapes of

the team at work.

Is your name Trotter?

Yes, yes, that's my name, isn't it? Is
that your yellow van, Alice?

What, the one with a trotter written on
the side?

Yes, that's mine. What, the one with a
trotter written on the side?

Yes, that's mine. They worked to, ah, to
perfectionism in the rehearsals

on everything they did, particularly for
the comedy timing.

We're in the process of questioning
Arne's divorce, that's real.

Ah, well, in that case, officers, look
no further.

They would work, work, work till it was
100 % right.

It was me. It's a fair cop.

I've done it.

It's a fair cop.

I've done it.

You disappoint me, Uncle.

Mr. Trotter, either you're not taking
this very seriously, or you don't

understand the full...

The implications of your love statement.

Yes, well, look, I am a bit pushed for
time, sweetheart, so, you know, can we

get on with it?

What do you mean? Well, you know, come
on, hurry up.

Come on, get them off!

Hey!

Come on, get them off!

come up with something a bit more
original to that.

It's got nothing to do with me, son.

It wasn't anything to do with you.

What?

Oh, my God.

Listen.

Coming up in the show, we see when
things behind the scenes don't go

to plan.

So our old skipper, Captain Conway, he
used to... And how the only fools on

Horace's team... hoodwinked an audience
on another classic BBC show.

What do they think they're doing there
on top of the park?

Everyone thought we were a real bed.

Welcome back to the story of Only Fools
and Horses as we take a look behind the

scenes and find out from the cast and
crew what it was really like to make one

of Britain's most loved... Comedy shows.

Studio audience stuff, I'm sure the rest
of the guys have told you, it's the

worst of both worlds, really, because
you've got the technical precision of

camera, you've got the technical
precision of lights, shadows, booms, all

sort of stuff, but you've also got the
audience, and you could hear them

your dressing room door, and that's when
the adrenaline really, really started.

OK, here we go. When the theme tune
comes on to the programme, all I

and all it brings back in me is standing
in the wings at White City in one of

those huge studios, feeling very much
like a first night in the theatre and

thinking, oh, my God. And you knew you
could stop. You knew if things went

wrong, you could do it again. You knew
David particularly was a master at, you

know, making the audience, if a mistake
happened, join in, which, of course...

They just loved even more.

Captain Kenworthy, he sort of allayed
those fears by creating a counter

Like the day he announced there was a
cholera epidemic on the ship.

Oh, did he?

Given that pressure, it's not easy for
anyone.

When we first started to do the show,
bless him or bust her, found that

was huge.

So our old skipper, Captain Conway, he
used to... On one

particular show, he got himself in such
a state that I could see that he was

beginning to lose it completely.

So I stopped the recording and I took
Buster behind the set and

I said, don't worry about it, forget it.
If you go wrong...

I said, the way to get back on song, I
said, is to send yourself up.

They will find that funny and they will
be on your side.

I think that a lot of what I'd said I'd
got through to him.

Because from that moment on, Buster
really started to take off.

And he managed brilliantly and became
the old git that we

loved dearly.

Like one day he announced there was a
cholera epidemic on the fish.

Oh, dear.

Just throwing that in.

Yes, that was a very good ad lib there,
Buster. I like that, yeah.

Under the bright intensity of the studio
lights, the team had years of laughter

with the studio audience, watching their
every missed cue, stumbled line and

dropped prop.

I don't quite understand what you mean,
Mr. Trotter.

No, well, I didn't expect you to
understand straight away, Reverend. I

is a...

But going on location meant freedom from
those constraints, and on one

particular occasion, all the male
members of the cast went filming on a

Boys outing. The Jolly Boys outing was
like five, six weeks filming on

and it was, we just had so much fun.

They had this wonderful fairground there
called Dreamland, and all these

wonderful sort of retro rides, you know,
a scenic railway and all the helter

-skelters and the roundabouts and so on.

And the brief was we had to go on all
these rides while they filmed us.

Should I spill the beans on Paul Barber?

Yeah. Paul, who played Denville, didn't
really want to go on any of the rides.

I thought it might be quite fun.

And as it started to get higher and
swing more and more and more, I can see

gripping his thighs harder and harder.

And when it went over, there is no
soundtrack, thank heavens, but...

The lip -readers amongst us might be
able to see that Paul wasn't super happy

with what was going on.

I know what he was saying because he was
screaming it in my ear, but I'll leave

it for the rest of you to decide for
yourselves.

Alongside the familiar cast members...

There were dozens of one -off characters
coming in and out of the show's 22

-year history.

Among them, many actors familiar to us
for

their long and illustrious careers.

And some who would even go on to win
Oscars.

But given the enduring love the British
public have for the series, even if

you've only been in one scene... Thank
you, waiter.

..you are part of a very special group.

Oi! Why's he getting seen before me?

You know, you can play such a small
role, as I did, and yet still be sort of

recognised for it. Would you please keep
your voice down?

No!

It's a free country, and I can share as
much as I bloody well like. To be fair,

I was quite loud, and I did make a sort
of a statement.

Do you hear that? You're all sodding
useless!

Excuse me, sir.

What?

I was in one episode.

And yet, people come up with their
grandchildren, and, you know...

The granddad will say, do you know who
that is? Do you know who that is? And

little four -year -old going, Tony
Angelino. And you think, I can't believe

this. Come on, Rodney, give us some
cymbals.

Cymbals? Even though that episode was
over 30 years ago, people would come up

and say, Metal Miggy, do the song, do
the song.

One, two, I'll do the one, two, three,
fours.

I told you once, Rodney, I'm not going
to tell you again, son!

I don't know what to do!

I still get quite a lot of that.

One, two, three, four!

Landing a role on Fools and Horses is
good enough on its own, but in his

episode, Daniel Peacock also got to
perform on another classic BBC show.

As a teenager, Top of the Pops was it. I
mean, that was the show to be on, that

was the show everyone talked about.

This is Boys Will Be Boys from a bunch
of wallets.

So to have the opportunity to actually
be on Top of the Pops was kind of

wonderful, and they didn't suddenly stop
the show and say, ladies and gentlemen,

we're now going to do a little bit for
Fools and Horses. They just continued as

if we were a real band, and everyone
thought we were a real band and quite

the song. Actually, it's a good song.

It's a bunch of wallies. What do they
think they're doing? They're on top of

pops. David Thewlis, you know, he's a
big, big, big actor now. He was the

guitarist in the band, and it was a
funny one. When we came off from having

Top of the Pops, we were walking down
the steps, and a Spandau Ballet are

up.

And they said, you're charting?

David Thewlis. Yeah, we're number six.
And they shouted at us, oi, we're number

six. So Spandau Ballet then start
shouting at their management, accusing

management of lying to them.

Because everyone thinks we're a real
band. Now, we're skulking away down the

corridor here.

Spandau Ballet are left having this
argument about are they number six that

or not? Or is it a bunch of wallies?

Coming up, we look into the future of
the Trotters.

Uncle Rodney. We were in make -up for a
long time to make us look old.

Don't need that now.

And we can reveal what really went into
Del's exotic cocktails.

Somewhere in this glass is the Del Boy
dream.

Welcome back to the story of only fools
and horses.

As we go behind the scenes with the cast
and crew to give you access all areas

to find out the secrets of Britain's
most loved comedy show.

The team was always striving for
authenticity.

And when Del and Rekha were having a
baby, John Sullivan wanted it to seem as

real as possible.

Underneath the floor we were filming in
was the actual birth unit.

So they asked mums who just had a baby
if any of them would volunteer. And, of

course, I think they got a lot of people
saying yes. We just walked through the

ward, looked at the babies and chose a
very lovely baby. There were some nice

parents who came in and that was the
baby in that episode.

And I think it really did make a
difference when that, you know, well

scene now where David takes the baby to
the window and talks to mum.

Oh, you are such a lucky little boy.

You really are.

But you've got a mummy and daddy who
think you're the most precious thing in

whole wide world.

You know, having this tiny little thing
in his arms was really very moving. Just

being in the room was moving, let alone
the way it was filmed.

Always on the lookout for a running gag.

When John Sullivan introduced Damien
Trotter to the world, he made sure that

even a newborn would be in on the
comedy.

Let me introduce you to Damien.

Yes, Rodney Trotter hoisted by his own
petard, just by saying the devil child

going to arrive, and lo and behold, he
did.

We receive this child in the
congregation of Christ's block.

And assign him with a sign of the cross.

What is wrong with you?

I can't imagine this flat without
Damien, can you?

No.

Little devil.

Not me.

No!

Just wandered in.

Cassandra, I locked the bedroom door.

He rather grudgingly loved Damien, but I
think he would have done anything for

him if he stopped scaring him fartless
all the time, yeah.

And it was Rodney's fear of the devil
child which led to one of the most

scenes in only Fools and Horses history.

The dream sequence at the top of Heroes
and Villains.

is Rodney's dream, his nightmare about
Damon as he grows older and Trotter's

independent trade -in takes over the
world.

And we filmed at Battersea Power
Station, which was fascinating in

We decided to make it really good and we
actually even shot it on 35mm. We

wanted to make it all look really filmy.

And at the time, the Battersea power
station was a shell.

But it looked amazing.

LAUGHTER Our jet copters arrived,
Wrecko.

I'll summon the maid.

We were in make -up for a long time to
make us look old.

Don't need that now.

There you are, Rodney. Where have you
been?

Damien's home for you. How is it going?

Oh, no. The state transportation workers
have gone on strike.

On strike?

I thought Damien had made strikes
illegal.

Yes. The police were shooting them as I
left.

I thought it was very brave, but then
John was a very brave writer, and why

set a part of a sitcom in the future?

That was brilliant.

That was brilliant. And when we read
that, you thought, oh, my God, how will

this work? What will people think of
this?

But, again, how clever to set things in
the future where Damien's like the devil

and is running the world.

What's going on here? I ordered a
messenger over an hour ago.

He's here, Damien.

Damien's here.

Uncle Rodney.

Such fun doing that. I think we would
have liked to do a whole episode like

that, you know, more of it.

Oh, I loved it, and being the maid was
great.

Sandra?

What are you doing here?

Damien took over my bank and fired me.

It was a really, really interesting
sequence. I mean, for everybody, you

design, make -up, costume, artists, the
whole lot, just because, yes, it was

completely different to anything that we
would normally do.

This isn't fair.

Rodney.

He's not right.

He shouldn't be doing this.

Rodney. Yeah, I mean, what a clever
idea, because I think when an audience

watched that, they would have thought,
well, this isn't the normal only film.

What on earth?

And then it sprung into just being a
dream.

Rodney.

Rodney.

Rodney.

Rodney.

Rodney.

Rodney, wake up, you dipstick!

As well as coming up with fresh and
unusual ideas for storylines, John

also enjoyed long -running gags that
returned each series.

Del's catchphrases.

Lovely jump. His malapropisms.

It was like St. Paul's journey on the
road for Tabascus.

His gift for languages.

Par de calais, as they say in France.

And, of course, his sophisticated taste
for the finer things in life.

You don't like those sort of
surroundings, do you? I mean, champagne,

country clubs?

Oh, no, I hate it, Alan, I hate it. It's
all put on.

I mean, those people just do things for
effect.

Those drinks were always spectacular.

What you want is, uh, you want a shot of
tequila and a shot of coconut rum.

One of creme de menthe. A large drambuie
with lime.

Just a smidgen of Campari.

Topped up with soda, lots of ice. The
merest suggestion of Angostura's

Slice of lemon and a little cherry on
the top.

Two halves of lager, love.

He thought everything gave him the
height of sophistication and put

him like that many cuts above the
average person because his drinks always

an umbrella on it, you know.

Lager top for Rodney and I'll have a
Baileys and Cherryade.

Somewhere in this glass is the Del Boy
dream.

You know, that there, that right there
is like, I don't drink pints.

I don't drink out of a bottle.

I drink these cocktails, mate.

That's what I drink, boy, see?

It just sums it up. In that...

Nag's head, the pub that we all know, he
was like, no, no, no, this is what I'm

going to drink, because one day I'll be
in Miami on a beach drinking this. It

was just brilliant.

See you in a minute.

There was a few of us made the drinks.

They weren't so disgusting that he
couldn't drink them, but there was quite

mix in there, and you don't have quite
the juices that you have nowadays, so it

was like blackcurrant and orange juice
mixed up together, which wasn't very

tasty.

You know, bonnet to douche.

Lovely jubbling.

But of all the recurring props, long
-running gags, and characters'

catchphrases... During the war, huh?
During the war, we pursue the dream

There's one more than any other which
says, only fools and horses.

The van.

Well, I mean, it's a joke in itself,
isn't it, the van?

Couldn't we sell this and get something
more useful?

Like what?

Like a bus pass.

Del Boy was in love with this thing, and
you'd have thought, because of his need

to be a success and a yuppie and a, you
know, that he wouldn't have been seen

dead in that machine. But for some
reason, he didn't see that the trotter's

was an old banger.

Do you reckon you could get one of your
mechanics to have a look at my van?

I know just the bloke. He had a family
bereavement recently. He could do with a

good laugh.

I know because I used to have an old
car.

But when the engines get very warm, they
pull oil up from the sump and the oil

burns and you get grey smoke coming out
the back.

So we got a plastic bottle with a pipe
and I said, I'll sit in.

passenger seat, and I'll press it and
force oil into the carburettor.

You've got to be a bit careful how much
oil you put in, because if you put too

much in, it will jam up the cylinders.

So I've got this rear -view mirror, and
I'm watching the smoke coming out the

back. I'm thinking, ooh, that's a bit
much.

I've got to be careful. No, I could do
it a bit more.

There was often big stunts in Horse and
Horses. One of the biggest, probably,

was the three -wheeler car chase.

It is my jungle, and I'm at the top of
the tree.

It ended up with Rodney driving the
three -wheeler and being chased by these

yobs in an American car.

We had lots of three -wheelers,
actually, in the show.

There were many for different purposes.
They were all made to look the same. And

that particular one that did the jump
had to be specially reinforced

Why are we going so fast?

I love speed.

You said we were going to cruise.

Yeah, but I like to cruise quickly.

You don't tend to fly through the air on
a humpback bridge, as you'll know.

We even had to put ramps round on one
side of it.

And a stuntman managed to get it in the
air as it leapt over the bridge.

It was amazing.

Join us in the final part of the show
where we find out the story behind the

title and theme song. Before I went into
the studio, I had to have that nine

pints to try and calm my nerves.

And we review some behind -the -scenes
footage which has never been broadcast

ever before.

I think he's working now, Del.

All right, come on in. Come and get in
the shop, then. That's it. Stay in

Welcome back.

as we look behind the scenes of Only
Fools and Horses and find out how it

the classic show we all know and love.

Oh, there you go, Chief.

After so many outstanding episodes, we
now take for granted all the show's

larger -than -life characters and
perfect plot lines.

Buenos dias.

But in the beginning, even the name
couldn't be agreed upon.

The title of Only Fools and Horses had
quite a difficult birth.

Originally, John had written it as
Reddies.

That was just really a working title.

He'd wanted to call it Only Fools and
Horses, and that was from the old adage

Only Fools and Horses Worked.

So I used that, and nobody knew what it
was.

The BBC, they tried everything to change
it. I went in one day, and I think it

was the first time I met Gareth
Gwendolyn, and we just had a bit of

drink. I said, they want me to come up
with this other title, and I just can't.

And he said, he gave me the best advice
ever. He said, go in there and just say

to them, I can't think of anything, I'll
leave it with you.

He said, because they won't be able to.

And I did.

And I thought, God, I've really taken a
gamble here, because they might come

back and say, we're going to call it
something really stupid.

And about half an hour later, they
phoned up and said, yeah, all right,

with Only Fools and Horses. So he's
absolutely right.

I'd shot six episodes before I plucked
up courage to say, so what's it actually

mean?

Only fools and horses, dot, dot, dot.

Because at the time they hadn't recorded
the new theme tune, it was just Ronnie

Hazlehurst, sort of generic bit of
sitcom music.

When we did the first series, on the
opening script, I wrote the title music

should be Chad and Dave, Honky Tonk,
that kind of style.

And Ronnie Hazlehurst is a very nice
man.

great composer, but it wasn't right.

But prior to that, I'd done a cassette
of the version now with me singing, and

gave it to Ray and said, well, how about
this one?

And he said, yeah, let's do that.

And he said, well, as you've written
down Chaz and Dave, let's go to them. So

went and asked them, and they said,
yeah, they'd do it.

And then we had it all booked in the
studio, and about four weeks before we

in, They had a number one hit with a
song called Ain't No Pleasing You, and

couldn't get them.

So Ray said, well, you did that, you'd
better come in and sing it.

The first time you find out that's John
Sullivan doing that, you go, is it?

And you're thrilled.

Before I went into the studio, I had to
have about nine pints to try and calm my

nerves.

Nine pints usually I'm on the floor, but
I was stone cold sober because of the

nervousness of actually going to that
studio.

It is the most iconic of sitcom

theme tunes. There's an authenticity
about the words.

There's fun in trying to sing along with
it.

And it is one of the few sitcoms that
has a different beginning to an end

tune.

Trevor France's tracksuits from a mush
in Shepherd's Bush.

It's beautiful, isn't it? I mean,
Shakespeare couldn't have written better

that, could he?

The great song written by John Sullivan
about Hooky Street.

actually epitomises and describes
exactly the world at large at that

moment in time.

Hooky Street

is

John Sullivan's musical homage to the
backstreet deals where shady characters

can get their hands on anything you
want.

What do you do, make Mr Tea?

The British public, as well as fans
across the world, found the Trotters'

dealings hilarious.

But there were certain people in
authority who didn't see the funny side.

Chris Woodhead, who was then the
government chief inspector of schools,

criticised the programme, saying that
the Trotters were poor role models.

And I think John Sullivan was quite
offended by this, as one might expect.

Occasionally, like, you'd get somebody
in the...

the Houses of Parliament, and they would
be saying, oh, you're no better than

Delboy, you're a sort of Delboy. Well,
that paints the image that they were

villains.

That is not the case. John Sullivan sort
of hit back in an article in a

newspaper saying, you know, the Trotters
might not be perfect.

Dal's business deals are clearly not
squeaky clean. But compared to perhaps

activities by politicians and by some
captains of industry, Dal was not a bad

man. Dal had raised his brother, looked
after his elderly grandfather and then

uncle. He, you know, the show was rooted
in family values.

LAUGHTER

It's you, Del Boy.

It's all right. Go out and buy yourself
a crate of odoritas.

Yeah, I've heard they're good.

Oh, they are, they are. Bloody murder to
swallow, though.

But I think because it was so clearly a
comedy world it was inhabiting, I don't

think they ever felt like, well, you
know what, we're encouraging this.

I'm amazed, though. Nowadays, they
probably have a warning at the front,

BBC does not endorse the kind of
behaviour carried out by Del Boy and his

of ruffians.

Apart from the social pariahs some
politicians accused them of being, the

Trotters were in fact upright citizens,
as we are able to reveal with these rare

and previously unseen fools and horses
sketches.

I think it's working now, Del.

All right, come on, come and get in the
shop then. That's it, stand there.

All right.

Sound good?

Good evening, Chet.

This is Derek Trotter talking to you
from a secret location somewhere in

southern England.

It's high... It's high... You dipstick,
Rodney! In the first,

Dales, Rodney and Albert send a message
to the British troops fighting in the

Gulf War.

Written by John Sullivan, this sketch
has never been broadcast before, so

you were at the recording or served in
Iraq, this will be a first.

Right, now, listen, lads, I'm sending
you this freewheel van.

Packed to the gunnels with goodies.

Ooh, that's a nice gesture, Bill. Yeah,
well, I'm a nice sort of person, aren't

I? And I'm selling them to you at knock
-down prices.

Now, what I'm saying is you are actually
selling stuff to our troops in the gun.

At knock -down prices, Rodney.

So there you go. You're going to get a
bargain of a lifetime. I'm doing my bit

for king and country.

Everyone's a winner.

Vent a tear, as they say in Saint
-Tropez.

No, seriously, though.

Boys, we just wanted to say from us, the
Trotters, and all the people back here

in the UK, we're very proud of what
you've done.

I know you've worked hard. We can't wait
for you to come back here safe and

sound, safe and buy us all a pint.

I suppose it's character -led again,
isn't it? We know who they are, we know

what they're talking about, and John, as
usual, has slipped a few gag lines in

which are funny.

The second sketch is a rare treat we
have unearthed from Comic Relief.

as the Trotters do their bit for aid to
Africa, which hasn't been shown on

British TV in 20 years.

You're in a war?

Oh, no.

That's all real hardship.

Refugees, entire families have lost
their homes and didn't know where their

babies' next meal were coming from.

Same thing's happening today.

You think you're all up, Rodney?

Well, think about Africa.

What are you talking about? I mean, if
he can't afford to go to Greece, he

certainly can't afford to go to Africa.

I think he means, you know, all the
starving people in Africa.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's right. We never really
think about that, do we? Well, you know,

think we're hard up, but we've got a
roof over our head, don't we? And we eat

every day.

That's what I've always said, wasn't it?

One man's flaw is another man's feeling.

We couldn't help them people back in
1941 because we didn't have anything

ourselves.

The times have changed.

I'd love to be able to just open my door
and walk back into 1941.

How can anyone just walk back to 1941?

That's stupid.

Yeah, all right. Good night, sweetheart.

Yeah.

Stupid Albert.

I mean, I'm not a detective inspector,
but even I can work that one out.

The nice, lovely little scene.

I did notice that they made a sort of a
quip to Goodnight Sweetheart, which I

thought was clever. I mean, I was
surprised by that. It's kind of one of

rules. You go, well, you know, don't do
that. Why would you do that?

You're kind of breaking the fantasy here
on what this is supposed to be. But I

think if there's ever a time you can do
that, it's for something like Common

Relief. This isn't really only Fools and
Horses. We are working for Comic

Relief. And what we would like to say at
this specific moment in time is give us

some dosh.

Well, they may send it to Comic Relief,
not literally to us. Leave this to me,

will you, Rodney?

I think you'd watch that and you'd send
in your money, wouldn't you?

Because there's two national icons
telling you about...

how other people's lives aren't quite as
good as yours. So yeah, I think it's a

real tribute to John and David and Nick.

And it's also another example of taking
a really, really tricky subject and

making it funny and also working. Yeah.

We were so lucky, we felt, that we got a
part in a lovely show.

I think I'm in love.

My wife always says to me, you'll never
quite understand the phenomenon of this

show because you're there, you're that
close to it. You don't see the big

picture, and I guess not.

I don't think I've worked in anything
which has been so genuinely friendly.

We just all get on.

Such a fantastic time doing it.

My name is Ivor Hardy.

To work with John Sullivan and the team
was a really exciting time in my life.

Everybody smile!

I am smiling.

We wanted it to succeed, and everybody
who was involved in it worked their

rocks off to make that happen. And in
the course of that, because

we all believed in it and because we all
loved it, I hope... History will prove

that I think we did it pretty well.

No income tax, no VAT, no money back, no

guarantee. Black or white, rich or poor,
we'll cut prices that are

strong.

God bless Hookie Street.

Viva Hookie Street.

Long live... This book hits you same
Monday.