All language subtitles for Only Fools and Horses s01e02

Stick a pony in me pocket.

I'll fetch the suitcase from the van.

Cause if you want the best things but
you don't ask questions, then brother,

your man.

Cause where it all comes from is a
mystery.

It's like the changing of the seasons
and the tides of the sea.

But here's the one who's driving me
berserk.

Why do...

Yeah, I was watching that.

Only Fools and Horses is one of
Britain's most loved shows on TV.

Lovely, doubly.

64 episodes were made between 1981 and
2003, and it's still watched and laughed

at by millions of us every week. What
are you doing? I'm trying to get the

of Athens.

With every line written by just one man.

The success of Fools and Horses can be
summed up with two words, and it's John

Sullivan. The story of Derek Trotter's
life is the story of John Sullivan's

creative genius.

I don't think anybody really touches
John for being able to make you laugh.

And being able to make you cry.

It's time next year.

I've been millionaires.

Celebrating the wonderful comedy world
of John Sullivan.

we'll be getting the inside story on the
Trotters from the horse's mouth.

I was nearly fired because of that
scene.

I said to John, you can't use this.

Come on, get him off!

We've also recreated some of the fets,
reunited cast members, and have talked

some of the show's most famous fans.

One of the incredible things about Fools
and Horses is that you can grow up

watching it. I can't remember a time
before I watched only Fools and Horses.

It's really, really, really the best.

Over the next hour, we're going to be
looking into the Trotters' deal and

misdemeanours. What do you do, mug Mr T?

As well as showing you a real live
sketch the Trotters performed in front

royal family.

See you, junkie!

So sit back and enjoy the definitive
story of Only Fools and Horses, the show

which has given us some of the most
memorable moments in British comedy.

Of course, that's just comedy. I mean,
it doesn't really happen in real

life.

It's not supposed to happen in real
life.

Grandad?

Still hasn't got it right.

Why do only fools and horses work? La,
la, la, la.

La, la, la, la, la.

Come on, girls, the first Spanish orange
is just in from Seville.

They're fresh, then. Fresh? Fresh? They
were playing castanets this morning, my

darlings.

Behind the dodgy deals and hokey
hoodwinking in the show was invariably

Del Boy Trotter.

Authentic French nylon tights, all
right? As worn by Sasha this Del's mum.

From selling trashy tat... Yeah, nothing
but the best.

..to doomed dealings... Trotter definite
choice.

..Del had an eye for turning a quick
pound.

I think it's exuberance for a thing.

Whatever it was. The Inframax Deep
Penetration Massager.

He would be able to sell it, cos this is
it, this is it. This time next year,

we're going to be millionaires. I
thought, you've got to follow me, come

me. Right, Natalie, guess what I've got
here?

No, go on. Ta -da!

Deep! Ha -ha!

Wheeze!

LAUGHTER Well, he was so busy trying to
make a success out of

duff, rubbishy gear.

I remember lots of them because I was
the poor sap who had to go out and sell

them, more often than not. Now, all this
equipment here is manufactured by the

one country that leads the world in
alpine clothing, namely Fiji.

We used to have some wonderful lines,
fire damage walks.

They are China cats that play how much
is that doggy in the window.

Georgian digital alarm clocks.

I will tell anyone who keeps still long
enough, John Sullivan was a genius.

Brought up in Ballam, next door
neighbour of Peckham, writer John

early life was traditionally working
class, something he shared with the man

was to become Del Boy.

John was working class from, say, South
London, and I was brought up working

class in North London. There was an
awful lot of things that John and I

recognised in each other.

There were things like if it fell off
the back of a truck, you know, it was

okay. How would you like to buy a
genuine mink coat for 50 quid?

No, no, it's not bent.

Now, the reason why it's so cheap is
because it's Ethiopian mink.

Ethiopian. Yeah, I got this contact in
Babylon.

Hookie gear.

You know, hookie was like, you know...
Hooking it back. It's a bit hooky. No,

it's not quite straight. It's like, you
know, bit bent really.

What's all this other stuff doing here
anyway?

Oh, we collect things.

It's a really hard thing to do,
criminality, because people are

attached to you about it. But the line
you cross over and they say, well,

not funny.

I think John Sullivan knew where the
line was.

Del Boyd's the victim of most of his own
crimes, isn't he? He doesn't get away

with anything in the end. He's not smart
enough, really.

That's the truth. How do police look at
these things, Trig? No, they're not,

Del. And that's the truth.

Why are you hiding it under the table,
then? Because you never know when

going to start looking for them, do you?

We went to a great deal of trouble not
to overstep the mark.

Come on!

Girls, there's no business like crow
business.

Regular market traders are known for
their attention -grabbing stunts. Every

piece is bonely stoned.

And rapid rattle sales pattern.

Don't waste all your money on food and
clothes when you can have flowers in the

garden. So Dell, selling hooky gear
without a license, had to make sure he

draw a crowd.

John had very cleverly written this
little ditty I used in the show to

the audience round.

I've come here to sell my wares. I
haven't come to be laughed at, chaffed

generally mucked about.

These are guaranteed to cure hardcore,
softcore, and pimples on the tongue.

Right, now, and this is none of your
Japanese or your German rubbish.

No, sir, this is actually made in
Albania.

When I first saw Only Fools and Horses
coming on, the authenticity of it really

hit us. When I was growing up, ten
minutes from Peckham, your front door

go, and somebody would say, um, is your
dad in? Because we've got genes.

Tell him Val's got genes.

Because my dad could knock stuff like
that out.

You know that overcoat you sold me, Dad?
Yeah. It's got a great big lump in the

back. Of course, it's genuine camel
hair, isn't it?

There was always a deal going on. I
mean, even when I was a kid, I remember

used to work in a place called Morgan's
Food Fair, and there was a sugar

shortage at one stage, so the butcher
came to me and said, get me some sugar,

I'll give you some pork chops.

I said, fair enough.

And I was not very good at that. And I
was so panicking, as I went to get the

sugar down, I dropped the bag, the whole
bag of sugar, all of them smashed open

on the floor. I got in trouble for
smashing the sugar anyway, and I never

those pork chops, which I think, looking
back, was sort of a Del Boy moment.

I'd rather have shingles than these
knives and fork.

At least you can get rid of shingles.

I've got many, come on. Come on, quick,
quick.

For Del, the streets of South London are
the shop floor.

The flat in Nelson Mandela House, the
stockroom.

We've got 50 pirated versions of the
Poseidon Adventure.

All on Betamax.

Every time an episode starts of Only
Fools and Horses, you know the latest

because there are the boxes of whatever
it is in the background in the living

room. Del, these dolls ain't called
Barbie or Tindy.

These dolls are called Lusty Linda and
Erotic Is Fair.

You can't have dolls with names like
that.

You can if you go to the right shop.

Margie, help.

We had to doctor them slightly so they
didn't look quite so rude.

I seem to remember sticking sticky tape
over certain areas to make them look a

little bit more pre -watershed.

Rodney, look at this. These things, they
sell for 60 quid each, don't they?

And these ones are self -inflating
deluxe models for the more discerning

It's just casually dropped that it's
self -inflating.

You know, and the line self -inflating
is funny, and you laugh at it.

But because you've laughed at it, you
don't realise you've taken in important

information that will pay off later on.

Let me just have a look at that magazine
now. Just go on, hang on. Don't give me

that!

John used to be very clever at placing a
line or two here, and then

what we call paying it off, like a
couple of pages later.

funny sound i don't know what you're
looking at me for

it's that great description that someone
said of good writing uh it's a

combination of the surprising and the
inevitable

The audience get the surprise of them
doing it, but also the look of them.

So you get a sort of double whammy
there.

Hurry up, then, it's all clear.

While the scene was filmed on location
in Bristol, unfortunately for lusty

and erotic Estelle...

They never made it back to the BBC props
department.

I got back to my hotel room to find
seven inflatable sex toys super glued to

various parts of my hotel room with all
the valves glued in so I couldn't

deflate them. I looked out at my hotel
room, looked up and down the corridor, I

called the lift and I put two in the
lift and I just left them.

Hold up, hold up.

Good evening, Gary. Good evening,
Clayton.

Good evening, Rodney.

Good evening, Mr Cooper.

Good evening, ladies.

What evening?

So, I'm sorry to the hotel chain in
Bristol.

It was me.

Back in the 80s. I'm so sorry about
that. Blame John Sullivan. I just needed

some sleep.

Here we go.

Coming up after the break, we discover a
lock -up full of Del's old hooky gear.

I can't believe it's the original, but
you're going to tell me it is.

And a very special live performance from
the Trotters in front of a very special

audience. Is that you, Chunky?

Welcome

back

to the story of only fools and horses.

Loads of bunts, Rodders, loads of bunts.

Dope bought and sold some dodgy gear
over the years, which kept the BBC props

department busy.

But once filming is over, what happens
to all the Russian camcorders, trotters,

crash turbines and dolls which sing
Chinese lullabies?

Ending up in the storage unit in Bucks
is one likely conclusion.

Chairman of the only Fools and Horses
Appreciation Society, Perry Agajenov,

been collecting props and memorabilia
from the show since 1987 and has the

largest collection of hooky gear in
existence.

Hookery.

How long has it taken you to get all
this stuff?

30 years in the making.

30 years in the making.

Look, it's all hooky gear, isn't it?

Quality objet d 'art, I prefer.

Pull the other one.

Oh, now, look.

I remember this.

This is one of my favourite props. I
don't know why it was my favourite. It's

because it appeared in the foreground of
so many shots. This is a real deal.

Yeah, that is the original cookie jar.

It's one of the few things that's been
in every single episode since 81.

Sorry, go on, you were saying, what was
he saying?

I vaguely remember this.

Some of the stuff was so funny.

The cat here that sang, how much is that
doggy in the window?

This is North Korea's finest porcelain.
And the punchline was, what do you want

for a fiver?

This doesn't work.

Typical devil boy, doesn't work.

I've often wondered how much it hurt
when it went up your nose.

I had to trick that so that you pressed
it and it went... Like that.

The things we've done for comedy, I tell
you.

How many of these bottles have you got?
I've got four.

And I've got two at home. You've got
two. I thought you had one.

No, I've got two. You're in my little
book because I have one. No, two. But I

could only have one if people want to
purchase it.

Now, there's so much fond memories that
you've got collected away here.

There's something that's just caught my
eye.

And I can't believe it's the original.

But you're going to tell me it is.

And it's in a frying pan where I threw
it.

Say that was life's lucky dip. What I
would like to do, I'd love to just go...

Ta -da! There it is, look.

That is going to change our lives.

It won't, will it, eh?

There it is.

This is the one that made them a
millionaire.

The Harrison Leather Watch. There was
actually three in the show, and that's

one that was used in the auction rooms
towards the end of the episode.

That was actually auctioned off early
2000s. I mean, back in the day, I was

only one really collecting all this
stuff, and I was off there like a rocket

won it.

Dare I ask how much you paid for it?

It was quite reasonable at the time. I
would have paid more, put it that way.

So that means, no, he's not going to
tell us, is he?

What exactly did it go for?

Oh, um...

6 .2

million.

So that's just over 3 million each.

Well, we've had worse days.

All of this is, you know, part of Derek
Trotter's style of living,

wasn't it?

Reject stuff, stuff that didn't work,
stuff that wasn't any good, hooky gear.

He did go out and work hard. He'd do
anything to earn a crust for the family.

But he wasn't just dealing in hooky
gear.

Del had lots of fingers in lots of pies
and was always dreaming up new schemes

to get rich quickly.

I mean, this is beautiful, isn't it,
mate?

Bet you've held a few balls in here, my
lady.

What?

In one of the most memorable episodes in
British comedy, he convinces Lord and

Lady Ridgemere that the cleaning of
their two priceless Louis XIV

couldn't be safer than in the hands of
the Trotters.

Now, righto, Grandad, you pop upstairs
and get the floorboards up. Now, you

what you're doing, don't you?

Don't you worry, Jill. Leave it to me.
Right.

Nice. Craftsman.

The chandelier episode.

It's true. It's a true story.

Happened to John's father during the
war.

Oi, Grandad.

Do you want a Gemini?

No. Have one before we leave.

LAUGHTER John was... talking to us about
it in the bar, at the BBC bar,

where, you know, all sorts of ideas were
floated around.

And we were laughing our heads off, and
we said, you've got to write that as an

episode. And I'll never forget it. He
just put his drink down and he went, I

don't think it's funny enough, is it? Is
it funny enough?

And we went, duh, yes, it's funny
enough.

All right, Grandad, we're ready.

You can start undoing it now.

I was nearly fired because of that
scene.

He's coming, dear boy.

I'm a bit of a giggler when it comes to
that sort of stuff.

So Ray Butt, our producer, he came up to
me and he said, this chandelier costs

six grand.

We've only got one. We can only afford
one.

If you laugh, that's the entire thing
blown.

If we blow the thing, the BBC won't buy
the series.

And that will be down to you.

If you laugh, I will fire you.

One more turn, Dale.

All right.

Now brace yourself, little man.

Now for

30

seconds, I'm just looking at David.

Except out of the corner of my eye, just
down there, is Ray, the man who said, I

will fire you. I promise you, I will
fire you.

going like this until he reached into
his big parka

lots of pockets and he pulled out a
handkerchief and this is right where

my eye and he stuffed it down his throat
and so

i held it together for the longest 30
seconds of my life

and then the clapper went down and they
said cut i got down the ladder and the

air went blue

It's the only time I've ever shouted at
a producer, because I'm not stupid.

But he said, we couldn't... I had to
threaten you with being fired, because

would have lost the series.

All right, little boy.

All right?

What do you mean, all right? Look at
him!

He's a drunk, he is.

Could we drop it? We wasn't even holding
it. We was working on that one.

Well, I wish you'd have said something.
I was working on this one.

The joke that John didn't think was
funny enough got his first BAFTA.

Coming up, we reunite David Jason and
Tessa Peake -Jones in the Trotter

You don't marry him, do you? You live in
sin.

And find out how John Sullivan first
imagined Del Boy should look.

John, to be honest, didn't want David to
do it.

This is none of your Taiwan junk. This
was made in Formosa.

Hard to imagine anyone but Sir David
Jason as the wheeling, dealing life

we all know as Dillboy Trotter.

But when John Sullivan created Dell, the
physical image he envisaged was

completely different to that of David
Jason.

So when I said to John, how did he view
Dillboy, he said that he was a

typical market trader, a flat cap and a
large beer belly.

John, to be honest, frankly didn't want
David to do it. Various other names were

mooted. Jim Broadbent, Ayn Rattel, Ray
Bart, our producer, talked him into it.

Del, how do you pronounce that fella's
name on a telly? Sidney Poitier or

Potter? Personally, I pronounce it
Aribella Fonte, but you just leave it

Once John Sullivan was convinced they'd
found the right man for the role... The

next stage in the development of the
character was what would he wear?

I took David out shopping, we went out
shopping together, and found some of the

priceless items that have been
immortalised on screen.

Items of clothing I remember getting,

these... A shirt called Gabicci shirts,
Italian.

All right. A bit sporty.

Really a little bit leery.

No, don't you say nothing to them, you
wally.

I mean, you can't trust the old Bill,
can you?

Look at that time when they planted six
gas cookers in my bedroom.

I've worked in costume for decades now,
and the thing that always happens is

there's this rather magical moment where
if you hit on the right...

Something will happen to the actor's
body language and you can just feel that

the character is beginning to emerge.

Not bad.

I reckon we've done well there. He had
this sheepskin jacket that was all made

up out of sort of patchwork squares.

I thought, perfect, perfect, perfect.

Good afternoon, madam. Can I be of any
assistance?

Oh, that's awfully nice of you. Do you
know anything about cars?

It just seemed to sum up.

His character.

I used to drive for the John Player
special team.

On the Grand Prix circuit?

No, delivering fags round loose.

Del's penchant for sophisticated clobber
was influenced by a real -life Cockney

character who David Jason worked for as
an electrician in the early 60s. This

guy, he was as Cockney as all get -out.
Derek Hockley was his name.

And he thought like that, didn't he? You
know what I mean?

But he dressed like a lord.

That camel hair coat is exactly what my
image of Derek Hockley was.

Morning, Del Boy. Bonjour, Joyce. Two
half pints of your finest low

-carbohydrate beer. Thank you, thank
you, John.

Do you want it in glasses? Yes, please,
otherwise it dribbles through your

fingers. Del, he'd spend more money than
he makes just to keep up his image.

Even when Raquel moved into Nelson
Mandela House, she couldn't dampen Del's

inimitable style.

Oh, my God.

We've reunited Tessa Peake -Jones and
Sir David Jathan where Raquel and Del

spent their most intimate moments.

This room.

was Daryl Boyer's taste.

Yeah. Well, you can sort of see that,
can't you?

I mean, look, you've got false tiger
skin, rags. It was typical

of the wonderful sense of...

of character then I used to I used to
enjoy it so much it was such good fun

that was part of the joy yeah wasn't it
and actually part of the trust of us as

a team was that we could make each other
laugh everybody that we had in the team

not only were they just the best yeah
but they were great yeah people yeah

from you of course you don't mean that
David

Do you know, it says here, a bloke's
supposed to make contact with his

side.

Did you know that geezers had feminine
sides?

Well, I've read about it. Look, I
wouldn't worry. I don't think it applies

you.

So was Raquel, was she the first person
ever to be seen with Dull Boy in this

bedroom? Yes. Really? Oh, yes, cos she
was special. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

He never made an honest woman of her.
No, well, you don't, do you? I mean, you

don't marry him, do you? No.

You know, it's life, isn't it?

That's what we do down there in Peckham
Way. You have a girlfriend.

You live in sin.

John Sullivan may not have made an
honest woman out of

Raquel, but he was forever developing
the characters and evolving the

storylines.

Acutely reflecting the times in which
they were set.

John's writing was never stuck in
Peckham, halfway up a tower block, with

characters just talking to each other.
They all lived in the real world, and

real world was early Thatcher's Britain.

The early 80s, we were supposed to be
aspirational, and I think John Sullivan

sent that up.

I think a lot of people took it very
seriously, and we know now where it led.

You see, I wear a trendy trench coat,
Gordon gecko braces, you wear a

lumberjacks coat and Gordon Bennett
boots.

The creation of the yuppie syndrome in
Britain, Del had to be one of those.

I'm out there on the yuppie tightrope,
me.

Nerves on red alert.

I eat on the move, a mobile phone in one
hand and a pot noodle in the other. I

tried to get you on a mobile phone.
Yeah, that's why Del ended up with an

of noodles.

He loved his green raincoat and his
final facts.

They were out there at the time, we saw
them.

I made a killing today on olive oil.

Gord knows what Popeye will say when he
gets home.

I've got one of these mobile phones, you
know. I smoke cigars and I'm ahead of

the curve here.

Hello. I'm actually a little bit better
than all you people. Well, of course,

there's no better than that, which made
it very, very funny.

Look, Rodney, I want to be successful,
but not for the money.

I want the power and the influence that
success brings.

And what will you do with all this power
and influence?

Spend it.

A native yuppie trend John Sullivan
picked up on was people paying lots of

-earned dosh for something they could
get for free.

What's this? Wait a minute. This is
water, this, isn't it?

You want a bottle of fizzy water? Yeah,
I'll have one. It's two pounds.

Sorry, it's what?

It's two pounds.

Is this what people are spending their
money on nowadays?

No. It's one of the few remaining growth
industries.

Is it?

Well, of course, Dell is going to get in
on that. Of course he is.

People pay money.

for water because you've put it in a
bottle.

Well, I can do that. I can open a tap. I
can fill it up with water, sell it.

It's still water. And technically, he's
100 % right.

They're doing nothing illegal, are we?
We are selling public water to the

public. Because this water used to be
public, and then Maggie, she privatised

it, didn't she? It now belongs to a
board of directors and a load of

They sell it to us.

We sell it on. All we're doing is
repackaging it.

If people weren't buying water out of
bottles, it would never have been as

or as clever.

I could have you under the Trade
Descriptions Act. You call it Peckham

but it ain't from the spring.

Yeah, well, Sainsbury's, they sell
runner beans, but they ain't been round

track three times, have they?

Just at the end.

He made a snatched defeat from the jaws
of victory.

The London borough of Peckham is tonight
without water after a little reservoir

was found to be contaminated by an
unknown chemical.

Had Giles put as much energy into a
proper job or trying to sell things that

weren't quite as dopey as he was selling
them, he would have been an Alan Sugar.

I wouldn't mind betting this time next
week I'll be in all the papers.

Coming up, a unique performance from
Tony Angelino. No one told us he had an

impediment.

And a very rare live performance most
fans won't have seen in over 30 years.

Slowly, slowly, no one will be any the
wiser.

Welcome back to the story of only fools
and horses.

Lovely jubbly.

Del's exuberance for dodgy deals would
often see him talking his way into

situations most people would avoid.

I think you look rather dashy. I look
like a human cannonball who's just

into a washing line.

And when he signs a contract for Raquel
to sing at a nightclub, he thinks it's

goodbye Peckham, hello Hollywood.

Well, I made it worth her while.

Six hundred quid for one nice work ain't
to be sneezed at.

She'll need a backing group.

Dale was now an agent and he was going
to make Raquel a big star and then

they'd go to Hollywood and live the high
life and, you know, that would be the

end of the series.

Well, I've never come in a real
nightclub before.

Yes, you have. What about that poster
you showed us when you were top of the

bill with Otis Redding at Talk of the
Town London?

It was Laurie London at the talk of the
town, ready.

Del is a manipulator and he also wants
to exploit Raquel. What's amazing is

he thinks like Quicksilver. He's so
quick.

It says here they're paying you 600
quid.

You nutty git.

So when he's about to be found out,
whatever it is, he's got an answer for

before the person's even finished that
sentence, questioning it.

I said that because... Because...

Because... I knew that if Raquel thought
she was earning £600 for the show, that

would make her even more nervous than
she is now.

So I decided to take the thing out of
it, soften the edges, relieve the

pressure, by telling her it was only
worth £300.

Thank you.

But I think he justifies it by thinking,
well, this is a break for her. You

know, this gives her a chance on stage.

So it's not just being done to make
money. Del did adore Raquel.

He really did. So I can sort of see it
in his convoluted way of thinking that

perhaps, I think perhaps he really did
believe it.

That means you'll do it for me,
sweetheart.

But who will I be singing with? Don't
you worry about that. I won't put you

wrong. You trust me. I won't say it was
the endearing thing about the character,

but...

That's Del.

Lovely, jubbly.

Del needs a singing partner for Raquel,
and the signature he wants on that

contract more than any other is that of
the singing dustman, Tony Angelino.

Thanks so much.

You get a one for the audience.

Del, you'll never sign that contract.

He'll sign it, Rodney, don't you worry,
he'll sign it.

Hey, Tony, Tony, there you are. Just a
wonderful performance. Really was

wonderful. Thanks. Excuse me, would you
mind, would you please?

Oh, thank you.

I thought it was fantastic.

I thought it was hilarious.

Not necessarily saying that John
Sullivan is the Mozart of comedy

suppose he's probably the closest we've
got.

Del seals the deal and Raquel and Tony
are booked to sing at a birthday party

for a well -known gangster's mother.

I was alright for a while I could smile
for

a while When they first started,
everything's going on and they're

song, it's OK, meaning Raquel is OK.

She's bloody good, isn't she, Rodney,
eh?

Then he starts to sing.

True

to

form, which is John Sullivan again, he

held back that very, very clever sting
in the tail.

No one told us he had an impediment in
his speech.

Tessa Pete Jones' performance was
absolutely brilliant. That look in her

this sort of, I told you so sort of
thing, and sort of biting her lip, even

during the performance.

Once we were actually filming it...

you do think, oh, my God, to have this
chance to perform a song like this with

Philip, you know, knowing it's going to
get this amazing payoff, is, you know, a

real gift as an actor. You know, how
often do you get to do that? It's great.

Through to form, Derek

Trotter throws the song.

This time next year we'll be
millionaires.

We have unearthed some precious footage
from the archives and have for you a

rare live performance from 1986 when the
Trotters were invited by the Palace to

come up west and do a bit of business in
one of London's most famous theatres.

Good evening. Welcome to the 57 Royal
Variety Performance.

Despite in the middle of filming their
Christmas special, ironically called A

Royal Flush, the team felt unable to
turn down a royal command. So John

quickly wrote a sketch the cast would
rehearse at the end of each day's shoot.

And then we're told, well, it's going to
be live outside broadcast as well with

the royal family.

So no pressure there.

Well, are you sure this is Dulaney's
Club?

Of course it is, Rodney. I ain't been
here for years, but I recognise it

anywhere.

Oh, yeah, I remember this. Now you've
got something to talk about.

What's the variety? Do you remember
this?

Here, Albert, this is yours. Take it,
will you?

Produce of Malaysia.

How about that? Come on. For David and
I, that was the scariest night ever.

check, though, and make sure this is the
Dulaney's Club.

Of course it is. Look at the sign there,
look.

Doesn't it say Dulaney, right?

He's got two GCs and he still can't
read.

The letters missing from Drury Lane.

I mean, that's John Sullivan masterly,
masterstroke, how to link it in and they

think they're delivering some... Just so
clever, you know. Come on, Albert, in

you go.

That's it. And you, Rodney.

That's the first person you see. Ask for
the manager, right? Chunky Lewis.

Comedy name.

Chunky, you there?

Where are you?

Rodney, mind that big thing, will you?

You plonker!

Everybody else had come out of a long
-running show.

So whether they were dancers or singers
or whatever, they were really rehearsed

and seen.

The great thing about it was that
everybody knew Fools at that time, and I

think... It was allowed to have a bit of
breathing space, wasn't it? We three

wallies were going on live with a sketch
that we had never done before.

I had no idea where the last were,
except with our instinct.

Chunky!

Chunky!

He's not here, Rodney. There's nobody
here.

He's probably popped out for a doner
kebab or something.

So we worked it out that if I went a bit
wrong, you got to cover me, and if you

went... So we had to learn everybody's
part so we all knew the whole thing back

to front, just in case.

This used to be a tiny little dive of a
place, didn't it, Albert?

Yeah, just a little strip joint, that's
all it was.

George, you can see what old Chunky's
done to it, can't you, eh? I mean, he's

actually opened it up, knocked a few
walls down.

Yeah, spent a bit of money on the old
decor.

You see what I've been trying to say to
you, Rodney? You see little acorns. I

mean, you've got to remember, Marks and
Spencers started with a barrow, didn't

they? Henry Ford, he started in a barn.

Nissans, they started with a hut.

Then the palace get back to us and
saying, we understand you want to make

contact with the royal party.

You can't.

No -one's allowed to make contact during
a performance. At the bow, yes, of

course you can, but not before.

So we thought, well, that's a gag blown.

We can't not.

not look at them.

Anyway, we eventually got permission to
do that. The whole thing is an excuse

for that moment where first Rodney spots
who's in the raw box and then Del Boy

does. I mean, that's priceless.

Junkie!

Junkie, go off you belly, come on!

Who is sitting in the box to you?

Well, he's sitting in the box.

Is that you, Chunky?

Yes,

very brave.

The other box.

The Royal Variety Show, having done it
myself, is one of the toughest gigs to

crack. But the way they kind of
respected the royalty by awkwardly

walking backwards, that piece of
physical comedy is very funny.

All right, just pick up the gear, pick
up the gear, it's all right.

When you move out, move out.

Slowly, slowly, no -one will be any the
wiser.

Very few could get away with addressing
the box. They were in character.

It was respectful, very respectful, very
dignified.

That's always the key.

I mean, we don't want the papers getting
old at this, do we, eh?

We'd look like dipsticks, wouldn't we?

I don't mean that.

I mean, what's Her Majesty doing in
Dulaney's Club?

We had to go back from the Theatre
Royal, back to Salisbury, to start work

six o 'clock the next morning. So we
didn't really get much of a chance to

anyone or see anyone or have a drink
with anyone.

Bill, Rodney and Uncle Albert, onto a
nice little errand.

So Dave and I, we were so relieved, we
made the car stop at a

little midnight shop on the Brompton
Road.

driving back, and we bought a bottle of
whiskey.

And I'm here to tell you that we did it
between London and Pillsbury.

Just out of sheer relief.

Only Fools and Horses is the nation's
favourite comedy.

And the winner of the time of Britain's
best sitcom is... Only Fools and Horses!

But, as Dell himself said of other
success stories from little acorns...

shot series one and the entire nation
had just gone, so what?

And then we started doing series two and
the nation did much the same again.

Come on, let's call it a day.

Normal sitcoms were getting tens of
millions and we weren't getting anything

like it.

We're off and running!

Never entered the job or the show or the
series to win awards.

We all entered the show because it made
us laugh when we read the script.

And because we all loved it, we all
loved what we were doing, that started

shine through.

What a flunker! What a flunker! I don't
think any of us ever realised that we

were going to become quite a success.

the national institution that we became.

Am I brilliant or am I brilliant? It's
not why we did it, but we're all very

delighted that we did.

We've got them off -price crack ties for
miles and miles of carpets. Our TV's

deep -breathed and David Bowie O .P.'s.
Pool games, gold chains, what names? And

Edipus and Ziverfront detectives from a
moose and leopard bush. Bush, bush,

bush, bush, bush, bush. No income tax,
no VAT. No money back, no

guarantee.

Black or white, rich or brown.