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All language subtitles for Only Fools and Horses 1996 4 Comic Relief Special

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:15,600 There you go, Rogers. 2 00:00:16,460 --> 00:00:17,460 All right, champ. 3 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:22,240 Oh, a little holiday to Greece, eh? 4 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:24,660 Yeah, I think it'd be an operative word. 5 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,020 That's very near the place that I went about four years ago. 6 00:00:28,670 --> 00:00:29,670 Horrible, it was. 7 00:00:31,830 --> 00:00:33,330 Mosquitoes the size of sparrows. 8 00:00:33,850 --> 00:00:35,250 They showed up and rode off. 9 00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:38,310 And the place we stayed at, God dear. 10 00:00:38,790 --> 00:00:42,650 The room was never swept, the food was diabolical, and the sheets, they weren't 11 00:00:42,650 --> 00:00:44,130 changed from one week to the next. 12 00:00:44,510 --> 00:00:45,970 You should have gone self -catering. 13 00:00:46,170 --> 00:00:47,170 We did. 14 00:00:48,650 --> 00:00:52,850 I went and got a tummy bug. Dash into the car every five minutes. 15 00:00:53,150 --> 00:00:57,130 Yeah, all right, I'll get a picture. And then Raquel was frightened that Damien 16 00:00:57,130 --> 00:00:58,130 might catch it. 17 00:01:00,330 --> 00:01:01,950 So, when are you thinking of booking your holiday, then? 18 00:01:03,650 --> 00:01:05,129 Yeah, we're not going to book the holiday. 19 00:01:05,730 --> 00:01:08,970 Me and Cass sat down last night and worked out our finances. 20 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:10,770 Well, what's happened to your wages? 21 00:01:11,090 --> 00:01:12,090 My wages? 22 00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:15,210 I usually blow them on a doner kebab on the way home. 23 00:01:15,650 --> 00:01:19,750 I meant your combined wages, didn't I? I mean, Cassandra, like she earns well, 24 00:01:19,790 --> 00:01:20,449 doesn't she? 25 00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:24,690 We've got to pay the mortgage on our flat, the loan on Cassie's car, rates, 26 00:01:24,690 --> 00:01:27,710 insurance, pensions, heating, food and clothing. 27 00:01:28,050 --> 00:01:29,450 That's what I mean. You waste it. 28 00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:33,370 I had a thought last week. 29 00:01:33,950 --> 00:01:36,770 Oh, you should have said something. We'd have had a little celebration. 30 00:01:37,250 --> 00:01:38,790 Don't you get socky with me, Rodney. 31 00:01:39,250 --> 00:01:41,690 This financial situation ain't all my doing. 32 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:46,570 But I have thought of a way of bringing some serious money in. 33 00:01:48,450 --> 00:01:49,450 Modelling. 34 00:01:51,030 --> 00:01:52,030 Modelling? 35 00:01:53,610 --> 00:01:54,630 Photographic modelling. 36 00:01:55,530 --> 00:01:58,410 Clothes, you know, that sort of thing, for magazines and maybe, well, even the 37 00:01:58,410 --> 00:01:59,410 telly. 38 00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:03,540 Hmm? No, not us two, you dipstick. 39 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,160 Albert? 40 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:07,200 Oh, good. 41 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,479 Look at that old duffer bee. Captain Birdseye's stuntman. 42 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:12,240 What do you think, then? 43 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:13,640 Premium. 44 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,040 I don't think that's a very good idea, though. 45 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:20,439 Why not? 46 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:24,300 He's a good -looking kid, and these model agencies, they're desperate for 47 00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:26,880 chavvies to do adverts, like Smarties and all that. 48 00:02:27,340 --> 00:02:28,400 Just think, brothers. 49 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:34,420 This time next year, his little face could be on every television set in the 50 00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:35,420 country. 51 00:02:38,300 --> 00:02:41,780 I don't think it's right, you know, parents pushing kids into show business. 52 00:02:42,260 --> 00:02:44,520 I wouldn't be pushing him, would I? It's in his blood. 53 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,120 I mean, you know, look at Raquel. 54 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:50,520 What about her? Well, she was in show business, wasn't she? She was a stripper 55 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:51,520 grand. 56 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:53,900 Once, Rodney, just once. 57 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:58,300 What I'm trying to say is it's unfair to force Damien to do something he might 58 00:02:58,300 --> 00:02:59,159 not want to do. 59 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:03,600 When he's older, he might choose to take up modelling. He might even enjoy it, 60 00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:04,900 but it would be his decision. 61 00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:08,560 You think the world of that little boy, don't you? 62 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,580 Well... Yeah, I can tell that you do, because I can see it in your eyes. 63 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,440 Yes. There you are, you lucky Damien. 64 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,100 You've got an uncle who loves you nearly as much as your mummy and daddy. 65 00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:28,270 So, anyway, we're still stuck in some cockless situation, aren't we? You two 66 00:03:28,270 --> 00:03:29,410 don't know when you're well off. 67 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,730 Oh, God. 68 00:03:31,310 --> 00:03:35,230 During the war, I saw real hardship. 69 00:03:36,410 --> 00:03:39,770 Refugees, entire families had lost their homes and didn't know where their 70 00:03:39,770 --> 00:03:41,390 babies' next meal were coming from. 71 00:03:42,070 --> 00:03:43,430 Same thing's happening today. 72 00:03:43,770 --> 00:03:45,630 You think you're hard up, Rodney. 73 00:03:46,270 --> 00:03:47,750 Well, think about Africa. 74 00:03:48,330 --> 00:03:51,290 What are you talking about? I mean, if he can't afford to go to Greece, he 75 00:03:51,290 --> 00:03:52,570 certainly can't afford to go to Africa. 76 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:57,500 Yeah, I think he means, you know, all the starving people in Africa. 77 00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:00,380 Oh, yeah. 78 00:04:01,420 --> 00:04:07,460 Yeah, that's right. We never really think about that, do we? Well, once a 79 00:04:07,460 --> 00:04:08,460 when it comes on the telly. 80 00:04:08,660 --> 00:04:14,320 I mean, well, you know, we think we're hard up, but we've got a roof over our 81 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,120 head, don't we, and we eat every day. 82 00:04:18,180 --> 00:04:19,579 It's what I've always said, wasn't it? 83 00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:22,960 One man's floor is another man's ceiling. 84 00:04:24,489 --> 00:04:28,330 We couldn't help them people back in 1941 because we didn't have anything 85 00:04:28,330 --> 00:04:30,910 ourselves. The times have changed. 86 00:04:32,610 --> 00:04:37,470 I'd love to be able to just open my door and walk back into 1941. 87 00:04:38,390 --> 00:04:41,190 How can anyone just walk back to 1941? 88 00:04:41,610 --> 00:04:42,610 That's stupid. 89 00:04:44,270 --> 00:04:46,550 Yeah, all right. Good night, sweetheart. 90 00:04:47,570 --> 00:04:48,570 Yeah. 91 00:04:49,970 --> 00:04:51,550 Stupid Albert. 92 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,040 I mean, I'm not a detective inspector, but even I can work that one out. 93 00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:06,140 Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't know how to end 94 00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:07,140 this thing. 95 00:05:07,580 --> 00:05:08,720 Yeah, you see, we conned you. 96 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:13,320 This isn't really only fools and horses. We are working for comic relief. 97 00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:19,240 And what we would like to say at this specific moment in time is give us some 98 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:20,240 dosh. 99 00:05:20,670 --> 00:05:24,450 They may lend it to Comic Relief, not literally to us. Leave this to me, will 100 00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:25,450 you, Rodney? 101 00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:28,170 You could start Chatter Relief. 102 00:05:29,450 --> 00:05:31,750 Everything would go towards charity. 103 00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:34,030 Yes, but would any of it actually arrive? 104 00:05:36,810 --> 00:05:40,970 For the last ten years, Comic Relief has been helping the poorest people in 105 00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:44,010 Africa. But they also support projects all over the UK. 106 00:05:44,530 --> 00:05:47,630 They're helping old people who are living below the poverty line. 107 00:05:48,170 --> 00:05:51,650 Yeah, homeless youngsters living on the street or whose lives have been buggered 108 00:05:51,650 --> 00:05:55,510 up by drugs or booze. Women and little ones who are being hurt by people who 109 00:05:55,510 --> 00:06:00,050 drink too much and loads and loads of other brilliant projects right across 110 00:06:00,050 --> 00:06:01,050 plectrum. 111 00:06:02,450 --> 00:06:03,790 Ooh, may we. 112 00:06:05,130 --> 00:06:10,310 And, unlike Del's Ukrainian compact disc player, it works. 113 00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:14,530 Tonight, we have the chance to improve someone else's life. 114 00:06:15,110 --> 00:06:16,110 So, please. 115 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:18,240 Go to your bank or your building society. 116 00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:23,780 Yeah. Or give us a bell on 0345 460 460. 117 00:06:24,220 --> 00:06:28,500 And give us some dosh. You know it makes sense. 9042