All language subtitles for Mary Tyler Moore s04e18 The Co Producers

Who can turn the world on with her
smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly
make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should
know it.

With each glance and every little
movement you show it, love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell,
why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

You're finished sorting the fan mail,
Mary? Yeah, just about, Ted.

Here's another one for you from the
Salvation Army.

Oh, how much are you asking them for,
Ted?

Oh, I see Murray's got a flower just
like Mary's. Yeah, my daughter gave it

me.

See?

It smells just like summer when I was a
kid.

It's plastic, Ted.

I know, it smells just like my old beach
ball.

Did you know that Ted suggested that
because of the gas shortage that we

carpool? Well, that's not a bad idea.

Well, we'd need two cars.

You, Gordy, Lou, and I would go in one.

Ted would go in the other.

Well, here's a letter for you, Murr. For
me?

Well, I never get any mail. How can it
be for me? I don't know. Well, it can't

be for me. How can it be for me?

Dear Murray Slaughter. I still say it's
not for me.

I've never written a letter like this
before.

Oh, Murr, you've got a family.

It can't be for me.

There's a lot of us out here who realize
that Ted Baxter only reads the words,

but that somebody with a rare point of
view is actually writing them.

It's not for me.

However, we know it takes a twisted,
perverted, pinko rat like you to write

It's for me.

Uh, Mr. Grant, don't forget you have
that meeting with Mr. Finch at one o

'clock. Right.

Well, it's one o 'clock now.

Mary, every time I have to go off for a
production meeting with the production

director, I have to sit there for ten
minutes while he tries to impress me

long -distance phone calls to Milwaukee.

Yeah, well, this is a pretty important
meeting, though.

Oh, I know it is, Mary. For you.

It's your idea to have a Sunday
afternoon talk show, not mine.

I'm just going up there to hear him say
yes or no.

Well, it's a terrific idea, and if Finch
has any taste at all, he's got to like

it. Finch?

Taste?

He's the guy who scheduled reruns of My
Mother the Car at 7 o 'clock so he'd

have something to watch while he ate.

Mr. Grant, it's after 1.

Mary, there's nothing to be nervous
about.

He's either going to love your idea or
he's going to say it stinks.

You see, man, there's nothing to be
nervous about.

Well, he's right, you know. I mean, it
really doesn't matter.

If he likes the idea, then I'll produce
my own show. If he doesn't like it, I

won't. Doesn't matter.

I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.

Sitting here at my same little desk,
earning my same little money.

Murr, it matters.

Newsroom. Oh, yeah, Jill. He's on his
way up now.

How could he cancel it?

Oh.

Oh?

Oh!

Yes, well, just send Mr. Grant down when
he gets there. No, no, no, I'll tell

him myself.

Jill? You are a wonderful secretary.
Bye. What happened?

Well, Mr. Finch had to cancel the
meeting, but he left word to go ahead

one show just to see how it works out.
Murray, I'm going to produce my own

Mary, that's great.

Congratulations. Oh.

Well, Murray, I just hope I do a good
job. Are you going to be fine? You

think so? I know so.

Finch wasn't there.

Why are you smiling at me?

Mary, don't get cute.

I hate cuteness.

Cuteness is not one of my favorite
things.

Mr. Finch approved the idea. At least
we're going to do a pilot.

Mr. Grant, I'm a producer.

Oh,

congratulations, Mary.

Well, you don't seem very happy for me.

Mary, I've been a producer for a long
time, and I know something.

Yeah, they lowered the temperature at
the store again today.

It was so cold, Mayor.

A guy sprained his back testing a frozen
water bed.

Hey, listen.

I got some great news today.

What? Rhoda, the program director wants
to do my show.

What show?

Remember that Sunday afternoon talk show
idea I came up with?

I'm usually such an emotional person.

Can you imagine this? I'm not excited
over this news.

Rhoda, what's wrong?

Nothing.

So, they're using your idea for a show,
huh?

Hey, come on. What is it?

Okay, ma 'am. You've obviously
forgotten.

But the idea for the Sunday afternoon
talk show was mine.

Yours? Mine.

Rhoda! I don't think so.

Come on, Rhoda, I remember exactly how
it came up. Remember it was that Sunday

afternoon, you and I were sitting around
wondering what we were going to do, and

I said something like, gee, I wish there
were a way to find out what's going on

in this city. And I suppose you don't
remember how I then said something like,

why don't you do a show about it? It
could be an hour on Sunday afternoons

various locations.

You could do celebrity interviews and
features on what's happening around the

Twin Cities, art exhibits, restaurant
tips, that sort of thing.

Well, you know, Rhoda, I can't be
expected to remember everything.

I mean, my mind is not a tape recorder.

Or maybe it is, and you accidentally
erased that part of the tape.

Oh, Rhoda, I feel just awful. I stole
your idea.

Oh, come on. Listen, you didn't do it on
purpose.

You know what?

We could work on the show together.

It's just one show.

You could help me nights and on
weekends.

You mean it? Yeah.

Gee.

I don't know. That could be very
exciting. It could. I mean, and you're

creative. That's the main thing.

Oh, Mary, what do I know about
television? I mean, I'm a window

Rhoda. Maybe.

I don't know. Come on. You've got to
have some ideas about what you'd like to

see on television.

Yeah, I do.

Just once, I would love to see the man
from GLAAD stuff Mrs. Olsen into a giant

baguette.

Just a minute. Mm -hmm.

Um, I don't exactly know how to tell you
this, but Rhoda and I were talking

about the new Sunday talk show, and,
well, you'll never guess what I did.

I mean, we discovered the darndest
thing, you know?

Just incredible.

If you had a million years, you would
never guess. Mary, don't make me guess.

don't want to guess.

that the idea for the show, that I

appropriated it from Rhoda.

Appropriated? Yes, it's a word.

Yeah, I know it's a word.

Appropriate. It means to steal. Yes, and
I cannot produce a show that I

appropriately stole. I use other
people's ideas all the time.

How many times have I taken credit for
terrific ideas you've come up with?

Well, uh... Okay, bad example.

That's because you haven't come up with
that many terrific ideas.

The point is, that's the business.

But the point is that Rhoda is my
friend, and I can't take all the credit

the show.

All right, okay, look.

If it'll make you feel any better, we'll
throw her name up on the screen every

week. Created by Rhoda, the window
dresser.

Mr. Grant, I would really like Rhoda to
work on the show with me. How does she

know about television?

Well... Not having been in television
could be a plus.

She still has her ideals.

Mary, people who still have their ideals
don't stand a chance in television.

Mr. Grant, I really... Wait a minute.
What am I arguing with you for? You're

producer. You want Rhoda, you got her.
Hey, terrific.

Mr. Grant, thank you.

Yeah, listen, Mary, about this show,
there's one thing I'd like you to

you'll do for me. Yeah, sure, what?

Don't mention it to me again.

Did you ask him? Yes.

And? He said, okay.

Fantastic. Isn't that great?

Rhoda, don't. Thank you. Oh, thank you.

I guess just thank you, Lucrette, for
being really terrific.

And will you hear the ideas I have for
this show? First of all, the house.

They've got to be really good.

Rhoda, they've got to have a strong...
Tell her!

about the show. He doesn't want to know
about it. He doesn't want to hear about

it. Really? Really. So let's you and I
go talk about the hosts.

Oh, hold it. Hold it. Come back here.

Before I never want to hear about it
again, there's one thing I forgot to

you. Finch wants Ted and Sue Ann Nivens
as the hosts.

What?

You mean Ted and the happy homemaker?

Oh, no, Mr. Grant. Why?

Oh, because we've got them. They're
under contract.

We've got to have other people under
contract, too.

Oh, sure.

You want to use Chuckles the Clown and
Uncle Oompa the Polka Prince?

Welcome to television, Rhoda.

to be just wonderful working with you.

Mary, there's something different about
your apartment.

No, I think it's the same as it was the
last time you saw us. Oh, no, no, no.

Now, don't you try to fool me. There's
something different about this room. No,

not at all. Ah, there it is.

You have a hole in your couch.

to take notes of the meeting.

Oh, you take shorthand, huh? Well, I can
do 115 words a minute.

Right, so if you don't talk fast enough
for her, you just let us know.

Come on in. Oh, my co -star. How are
you, Sue Ann?

Oh, it's going to be so wonderful
working with you.

I know, I know.

Well, shall we all get started?

Oh, Ted, Sue Ann wants to sit there.

Listen, everybody, before...

to say one thing. I am brand new to this
business, and I know I got a lot to

learn. So for this meeting, I'm just
going to, you know, sit back, shut up,

watch the pros in action. That's very
wise of you.

You did that, Georgette, very... I got
it.

Okay, now, Rhoda and I have drawn up
some tentative formats dealing with the

various departments on the show.

Oh.

Bad start, Mary.

Why? Well, the cover says talk the town
with Sue Ann Nivens and Ted Baxter.

So?

I'm bigger than she is.

It seems a silly waste of time to worry
about whose name

goes first.

Well, then, as long as Sue Ann doesn't
mind, we'll just change the names. Over

my dead body.

Sue Ann, you don't mean to say your name
goes before mine.

Sue Ann is to laugh.

Did you get that, Georgia?

Ha, ha, ha.

Sue Ann, if you think I want to take
second, Billy.

Okay, okay, I'll tell you what. Here's
what we'll do. Ted, at the beginning of

the show, your name will go first. And
Sue Ann, your name can go first at the

end of the show.

Now, let's talk about what goes in
between the beginning and the end, shall

That's a great way you handle that.

Okay, now, Rhoda and I thought that...
Since Sue Ann is a gourmet cook, we

to devote one segment to restaurant
reviews.

That's a marvelous idea.

Well, I could do that, too, you know.
It'd be good for my image.

And let the public know that I'm a real
person.

Someone who eats food just like them.

Well, Ted, Sue Ann is an expert cook.

But I know restaurants, Mary.

Don't I, Georgette? Oh, yes.

Just the other night, he warned me not
to order the halibut at the bus station.

to do the restaurant reviews.

Now, about the opening of the show.

Oh, hold it, Mary. I had some thoughts
about that myself. I thought we could

open a show by doing some biographical
sketches on me and Sue Ann.

Biographical sketches?

Oh, yeah, you know, tell the Ted Baxter
story.

The story of a little boy huddled up to
an old radio listening in rapture to

Lowell Thomas and thinking, someday,
someday, someday that'll be Ted Baxter

saying... This is Lowell Thomas saying
so long until tomorrow.

Well, of course, instead of Lowell
Thomas, I'd say, this is Ted Baxter

long until tomorrow.

Did you get all that, Georgette? I got
it.

You did, really, all of it?

Yes, this is Lowell Thomas saying so
long until tomorrow. Of course, instead

Lowell Thomas, I'd say this is Ted...
And then as soon as Ted finished with

biography, I could do mine.

How... At only six years old, a
frightened but darling child named

Sue Ann Niven won a baby talent contest
impersonating Shirley

Temple.

Oh,

that's terrific, Sue Ann. Sit down.

Now, listen, everybody. I know I
promised before that I wasn't going to

anything. But I think that at this
point, right here, I have something

to contribute.

And that is, I hope you'll understand,
that idea about the biographical

sketches? Really dumb.

What did you say?

That idea about the biographical sketch
is really dumb.

I know what she said, Georgette.

Rather a strong word, isn't it? Well, I
think what Rhoda means... I don't care

what Rhoda means, Mary.

Come on, Georgette. We're walking.

Just a second, Jim.

Come on, Georgette. We're walking.

Those meetings like this often get off
to a rocky start. But, you know, I think

by Monday, when we have our production
meeting, that we'll have a better idea

the direction that our show will be
taking.

Don't you?

Come in.

Mr. Grant, I have to talk to you about a
problem with the Sunday show.

Larry, I told you, I don't want to have
anything to do with that show. Mr.

Grant, will you please... just listen to
me. I mean, it isn't every day that I

walk in here and give you an ultimatum.

You're going to give me an ultimatum?
Yes, an ultimatum.

Kind of.

Mr. Grant, either Sue Ann and Ted go, or
Rhoda and I go.

Well, I guess if it comes down to a
choice between two bright

and energetic people like you and
Rhoda...

Or a couple of meatballs like Ted and
Sue Ann.

I'd have to go with them.

Why? Because Finch wants them and that's
it.

So, you gonna quit?

No.

Good. Mary, let me give you a piece of
advice.

The one thing you as a producer cannot
do is to let Ted and Sue Ann think

you're afraid of them.

If they smell fear, you're a goner. They
go right for your eyes.

Look, have you tried being brutal?

Oh, Mr. Grant, I'm not the brutal type.

Well, you know, sometimes when I want to
frighten Ted, I give him a look like

this.

See? It really scares him. Maybe you
could try that.

No, Mr. Grant, it won't work for me. It
works for you because there's something

about you that scares people.

Thank you.

Look, it's my problem. It's not yours.
But, boy, I'm just sorry I ever thought

of the idea in the first place.

You mean appropriate.

Look on your face. I'd say that Ted and
Sue Ann are still in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And
you and Rhoda are out. No, no, no, no,

no. We're still in.

Mary. Can I give you a little advice on
how to handle Ted and Sue Ann? Yes,

please. Anything.

Flatter them. Butter them up.

With people like that, you've got to do
that sometimes to get what you want. No,

Murray, that's not me.

I'd rather lose the show than butter
those two up.

Mary? Mary?

Oh, yes.

Let's not beat around the bush. Let's
get right to the point.

Tell us, Sue Ann.

Mary, we want Rhoda off the show.

All? The show?

I've been reading some of the notes
George had took at the meeting, Mayor.

You know the word dumb was used five
times?

No, I don't like that word, Mayor.

Some people don't like the color green.
I don't like the word dumb.

I don't know what it is about that word
that rubs me the wrong way. I just don't

like it. It must be the same reason I
don't like the word bald.

You're simply going to have to tell Lou
that either Rota leaves the show Or we

go. That's right.

Okay, wait. Look, I've got to be honest
here.

I mean, I'm not the kind of person who
will butter people up. You know, it's

just not me.

But I know what open -minded and fair
people we

both are.

Mary, I'm tough.

All right, tough, yes, but good tough.

The best kind of tough there is, because
you're fair tough.

I mean, Sue Ann, you just ask anyone
here at the station, and they will all

that the beautiful thing about you is
the way you have of working with people.

Do they? Oh, they don't. They do, they
do, Sue Ann. I'm kind of tough, too, you

know.

But every time I mention your name, the
one thing that Rhoda always says...

about you is besides of course how
really talented you are is how patient

and tolerant you are of the people who
work under you well i look at it this

you gotta be nice to the people you meet
on the way up before they do it to you

Do you even understand the inexperience
of a newcomer who was just trying to do

the best darn job she could for you
guys?

Well, all right. We'll give Rhoda
another chance.

Don't say it.

Mary, you know, I heard that whole thing
with Ted and... Sue Ann,

let me tell you something.

I've been a producer for many years.

And believe me, I've had to do a lot of
things that I never wanted to do either.

But Mary, I've never sunk as low as
that.

my lesson. I'm going to be the soul of
tax, okay? You don't have to overdo it

anything, but a little diplomacy
wouldn't hurt. Gotcha.

Mary, I'm going to be so good, you won't
believe it.

Hi, here we are again.

Sue Ann.

Ted, hello.

I'm so glad we worked everything out.
And aren't you looking lovely?

Thank you.

Say, Mary, Sue Ann and I came up with a
terrific finish for the show.

And wrote a...

We both loved the idea.

Look, why don't we talk about the end of
the show when we get to the end of the

show. Right now, I'd like to talk about
the beginning.

Now, Rhoda and I thought that... That
won't be necessary, dear. We've already

written an opening monologue.

A monologue? Yeah.

Tell some jokes. Get some humor into
this thing.

Jokes. Read the introduction, Georgette.

And now the stars of our show, the one
and only Ted Baxter and Sue Ann Nivens.

Thank you very much for that wonderful
reception.

You know, I haven't heard so much
applause since I was held up and spanked

baby.

Ted, do you believe the prices of food
these days?

Meat is getting so high, it's cheaper to
eat money.

But what a beautiful spring day it is
today. In fact, it's so beautiful today,

heard that Ironsides decided to walk to
work.

Okay, look, Sue Ann, Ted, want to come
down?

can't open a show like that. Why? Rhoda
loves it. Don't you, Rhoda?

No.

What? Ted, it's awful.

It's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

There's that word again.

That settles it. I want her fired.

And that goes for me, too. Okay, well,
now listen, you two. I'm going to tell

you something. If Rhoda goes, I go.

You know somebody we can get?

Of course. How hard can it be to find a
producer? Right.

You know, you and I... I could do this
thing ourselves. Hey, that's a good

Who needs producers anyway?

That's not that much of a job.