All language subtitles for Mary Tyler Moore s04e01 The Lars Affair

Who can turn the world on with her
smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly
make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should
know it.

With each glance and every little
movement you show it, love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell,
why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after long.

You're gonna make it after...

I can't tell you how really rotten I
feel that Edie and I had a fight at your

nice little party here. Oh, Mr. Grant,
I'm sure nobody noticed.

Nobody noticed?

An angry woman comes in and yells, I can
take off my own coat, Lou.

Walks into your toilet and locks the
door.

Comes out two hours later and shouts,
thank you for a wonderful evening.

Murray's wife to drive her home, nobody
noticed?

Mr. Grant, it's just because it happened
to you. I'm sure no one else is even

aware of it. I mean, we always think
people are aware of things because we're

very aware ourselves, and they're not.

Really? Really.

Oh, boy, that's good. I was really
worried about that.

Drink, Lou?

Uh, no, no thanks, Murray.

Lou? Huh?

I really admire you for having the nerve
to stay here after that humiliating

experience.

I think I will, Murray.

Were I you, and I realized I was making
a spectacle of myself, I would dissolve

into tears.

But then men like you don't cry, do
they, Lou?

What do you do?

Make it a double, Marie.

you tablecloth. Oh, don't worry, dear.
That'll come up with no trouble at all.

You simply stretch the fabric over a
bowl and then pour boiling water through

the stain from a height of two feet.

Well, gee, that's great. Thank you, Sue
Ann. I'd better get my wrap. That nice

man said he'd be bringing the car around
any minute now. Wasn't that sweet of

him to say he'd take me home? I'm sorry
we didn't get a chance to talk more,

dear.

Who's little Bo Peep?

Oh, that's Sue Ann Niven. She does the
Happy Homemaker show at our...

household hands, sewing lessons,
recipes, cooking lessons, things like

how in the world did I live so long
without having seen the happy homemaker?

I love her dimples.

I wonder if she made them herself.

Good night, Mary. Great party. Thank
you, Mary.

Good night. Good night, Mr. Grant.

Sorry I ruined your party, Mary.

Don't feel bad, Mary.

Even if everybody else did have a bum
time.

I met a terrific chick. She gave me her
phone number.

She gave you the number to call when you
want the correct time.

I thought her voice sounded familiar.

Good night.

That must be Lars.

Lars? My Lars?

Dr. Lindstrom? He offered to take me
home. Wasn't that nice of him?

Mary, thank you very much for a
wonderful party. I just feel terrible

and leaving you with all this cleaning
up to do. Oh, no, please don't worry

about it. But it seems so wrong to just
run off.

Remember, dear, do try a little iodine
for that scratch on the desk, and baking

soda will bring that grease up out of
the carpet like nothing. Oh, dear, dear,

don't throw away those coffee grounds.
They're the perfect plant food for

geraniums. Now, if you want to tidy up
in a hurry, think of your living room as

a big clock.

Start at midnight, and then go around
the room working clockwise toward the

kitchen. You'll be done in two shakes of
a lamb's tail.

It's been two and a half hours.

I'm sure there's a very good
explanation.

Maybe he was called away on an emergency
dermatology thing or something.

There are no emergency dermatology
things, Mary.

I can't understand why he hasn't called.

Lars has been trained to call.

I'm sure there's a very good
explanation. Look, why don't I call Sue

if anything has happened?

Wasn't that lucky?

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

See you soon.

Well, what happened?

Well, it seems they were driving down
Washburn when this dog jumped in front

the car and Lars swerved and hit a tree.

Nobody was hurt, thank goodness, but the
right fender was badly damaged, so

they've stopped to have it repaired.

Isn't it lucky they were right near an
all -night body shop?

And he's waiting till it's ready.

Maybe it was just a lunch and nothing
more. No, no, I don't think so, Mayor. I

watched her show today.

She spent ten minutes on how to remove
lipstick stains.

Anyway, Sue Ann just doesn't seem the
type, you know? She seems more like the

kind of woman you leave for someone
else.

Now, Phyllis, there is the other woman.

Do you think she suspects?

No, I don't think so. She would have
said something if she did.

Mary.

So naive.

So, you gonna tell her? No, I can't. I
mean, I just can't. Would you?

No. I always try to stay all the way out
of that kind of scene.

Ever since Cynthia Zimmer.

You know my roommate in New York? Not
the 68th Street roommate. The 83rd

Oh, yeah.

She was the champ.

14 married guys in one year.

You should have seen Christmas at our
apartment.

You never saw more gifts and less
people.

he was delayed because he took the car
to an all -night body shop?

Yeah.

Well, Mary, I simply don't believe it.

I simply don't believe what an
incredible job they did.

Do you know that this morning I walked
around that car five times and the paint

matches so perfectly I couldn't tell
there had been an accident?

working late again tonight and he
confessed.

But he was not working late tonight.

He was playing poker with the boys.

Cute.

Mary, have you heard from DeFalco yet?
No, Mr. Grant. I'll let you know as soon

as he calls.

Is the station manager giving you a hard
time about DeFalco again, Lou?

Yeah. And it seemed like such a terrific
idea.

Remember, Mary, I said, have a cameraman
ride around in the back of a patrol car

to film an on -the -spot...

And you said the idea was... Wonderful.

I wouldn't be in this mess now if you
had said rotten.

You know that?

No, you had to say wonderful.

Same here.

You'll never guess what I saw going on
down the hall. Come on, you want to

guess? Oh, no, Ted, not right now.

Oh, come on, it'll be fun. I'll give you
20 questions.

Okay, I'm really kind of busy.

How about you, Murray? Two can play this
game.

Hey, I'll bet that's where the
expression came from.

Not now, Ted.

I'll give you a hint.

It's Animal, and it concerns Sue Ann
Nivens, the happy homemaker.

Uh, Ted, what did you say about Sue Ann
Nivens? Said it's Animal, and it

concerns Sue Ann Nivens, the happy
homemaker. You've got 19 questions left.

what did you say about Sue Ann Nivens?

Well, I saw the guy that Sue Ann Nivens
has been playing around with.

Saw him coming out of the dressing room.

Funny thing is, I know him from
somewhere, but I can't remember where.

Say, Murr, maybe you can remember. He's
a tall, blonde -haired fella. Ed, are

you sure that they're playing around?

Of course.

It's all over the building.

But you know what really teased me off?
Sue Ann Nivens.

Right under my very nose all this time,
hot to trot, and I don't do anything

about it.

I can only remember who that guy was.

It's impossible.

Patrol car that hasn't made an arrest in
three weeks.

Hey, Luke. If you want some real action,
send him over to the Happy Homemakers

dressing room.

Gee, if I could only remember who that
guy was.

How can it not work?

I know it's going to work. Mary, tell me
it's going to work. It is going to

work, Mr. Grant. It's a wonderful idea.

See, you did it again, Mary. I gave you
another chance to say rotten, but you

said wonderful.

You're in this up to here.

Bye, Phyllis. As a matter of fact...
Yes, I am. ...just this last week. I'm

ready for lunch.

Hope's asked.

Bye, Ted.

See you guys in an hour. Bye. Come on,
Phyllis.

Of course, Lars.

Lars? What about Lars?

Oh, I've been sitting here trying to
think of who it is that's been playing

around with Sue Ann Nivens, and it
finally came to me.

And it is definitely... not Lars. No.

Thank you.

apple pie? Well, I made it for Lars'
dinner tonight.

Sort of a surprise.

I've never made a pie before, but it
certainly seems easy enough. Here, Mary.

Taste it.

Well? Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm.

You're not just saying that.

Mmm.

Rhoda, you'd give me an honest opinion,
won't you?

I'll taste it.

Give it a try here.

I love this pie.

So it's come down to this.

I've become such an object of pity that
even Rhoda is being kind.

No, Phyllis. Mary, do you know how hard
it is to make an apple pie?

My beautiful hands.

Hands that once touched the notes of
Chopin.

Thank heavens I've been able to hide my
feelings from him. Of course, there have

been a few close calls.

Last night during Hawaii 5 -0, I began
to weep uncontrollably.

But I covered by telling Lars I was
moved by the grandeur of Diamond Head.

Listen,

Phyllis, please, whatever you do, don't
do anything drastic.

Just wait this out and the whole thing
will just blow over.

I'll wait it out.

Sooner or later, Lars is going to get
tired of her.

And he'll come back to me.

And then I'm going to punish him for
this.

Phyllis, you don't mean that. If only he
didn't flaunt it in my face.

You know, Mary, since he's been seeing
her, he's gained nine pounds.

Do you know that his clothes are cleaner
when he comes home at night than they

are when he leaves in the morning?

honest, however.

Lawrence is not entirely to blame. I too
am somewhat responsible

for what's happened. You see, Mary and
Rhoda, some men

are just threatened by a real woman.

I'm afraid I've just been too much of a
real woman.

are too much of a real woman.

I don't like to brag, Rhoda, but Lars
and I

had an incredible love life.

Would you like to know how incredible?

Oh, gosh, Phil, I don't... I'm going to
tell you how incredible it was.

I think Lars summed it up best when he
turned to me one night and said,

Apparently that's all over now.

Phyllis, it's not all over. You know,
just the other day I was reading this

wonderful book called The Life of the
Bee.

is nothing but the slave of the queen.

And once the male bee, how should I say,
has serviced the queen,

the male dies.

All in all, not a bad system.

Well, I'm almost afraid to ask. How was
the latest DeFalco film?

Well, I'll give you a hint.

The highlight was when the two policemen
he was riding with stopped, got out,

and helped a wino on with his shoe.

Mary.

Try to reach DeFalco for me.

And tell him the assignment is over.

He's in a patrol car, Mr. Grant. I'm not
sure I can locate him.

Just find a neighborhood with the lowest
crime rate.

Mary. Phyllis.

I've come to enlist your help.

Well, uh, Phil, it's kind of bad around
here today.

Mary, I've decided I'm not going to give
Lars up without a fight.

And I think you should be there with me
when I confront Miss Happy Homemaker

face to face.

Well, Phil, I wish I could. It's just
that I'm so very busy. Mary.

The news comes and goes. This is my life
we're talking about.

Bill, look, I just don't think that I
should be there when you talk to Sue

Mary, you have to be there.

One, you're my friend.

Two, you will be neutral.

Three, if you're not there, I will rip
her face off.

looking down into the bowl just as I
beat in the four egg yolks.

Sorry, Sue Ann, we only have two cameras
for this spot.

Oh? Where's the third camera?

We need it for the needlepoint demo that
follows.

Oh.

I'm sorry, Billy, but I cannot do a
chocolate souffle with only two cameras.

Why don't you arrange to set up the
other camera and we'll just...

rehearsal until you're ready.

Whatever you say, Sue Ann.

Ten minutes, everybody.

Hi, Sue Ann.

Oh, Mary, how nice to see you. Don't you
look pretty?

Oh, thank you. You remember Phyllis
Lindstrom? Yes, from your party. Nice to

you again.

I'll come right to the point.

I'm here to talk about you, and Mary's
here to see to it that I don't rip your

face off.

An armored truck was held up for $200
,000.

You want to get a film crew out there?
We don't have to.

DeFalco! DeFalco!

I said it would work, and it worked!

But, what's the matter? I have a
chocolate souffle in the oven.

One slight tremor, and it's ruined.

Oh.

Okay.

DeFalco's on his way in right now with
the film. Come on, we got a lot of...

to do if we want to be ready for
tonight's show.

Mary! Coming! Mary! Okay, Phyllis, I'll
be back just as soon as I can. I

promise.

Why don't we go into my living room? I'm
sure we'll be much more comfy in here.

Now, what is it you wanted to talk to me
about?

I'm here to talk about you and Lars.

Oh.

Shall I tell you the sort of
relationship Lars and I have?

After 17 years of marriage, the sort of
relationship that Lars and I have.

Uh, is Dr. Lindstrom in?

Mrs. Lindstrom?

I see.

Thank you.

He is with a patient. He will call me
back first chance he gets.

So now you see, that is the sort of
relationship Lars and I have.

I'll be right back after this brief look
at my chocolate souffle.

than your chocolate souffle. I'm sorry,
but this is a very critical time.

You're bananas, you know that?

I'm going to try to forgive you for the
souffle.

I realize how difficult it must be for
you losing a wonderful man like Lars.

Did you know that Lars has a neurotic...

Never make me change my mind about Lars.

We're ready for rehearsal, Sue Ann.

Excuse me.

I have a show to do.

Phyllis. Mary.

She won't let him go. Mary, please.

Talk to her.

How lovely, Billy. I see you found the
third gem.

Okay, hold it.

Sue Ann, listen to me because I've got
to be in the screening room in 45

seconds. Ted already knows about this
thing with you and Lars. You know what a

big mouth Ted has.

And what Ted doesn't tell, I will tell.

And pretty soon, it's going to be all
over the station.

And they're not going to think that
that's a terrific image for the happy

homemaker, so you see, it comes down to
a choice.

Either Lars or your show. I've got to
go. I will see you later.

Well, since you put it that way, Mary,
I...

you understand, but for those ladies out
there who need me.

By the way, Sue Ann, do you know how to
remove chocolate stains?

Yes, I do.

Oh, good.

office and you'll be home in 15 minutes.

Bye -bye.

Isn't that cute?

I don't know where he got the idea that
he has to check in with me every 15

minutes.

Can I use your phone, Mary? Yeah, sure.
Thank you.

Well, we talked it all out and we both
agreed a marriage without trust is no

marriage at all.