All language subtitles for Mary Tyler Moore s02e22 You Certainly Are A Big Boy

Who can turn the world on with her
smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly
make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should
know it.

With each glance and every little
movement you show it, love is all

need to waste it. You can never tell,
why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

I'm responsible for deaths other than my
own. Christopher Hayward.

Rhoda Haywood.

Rhoda, why do you bother reading those?

It's the first place where guys announce
they're single again.

I'm just trying out their names.

Not responsible for deaths other than my
own, Victor Christian.

Rhoda Christian.

My mother would kill me.

Oh, guess who?

It's Phyllis.

Here, we all get it.

Let's see how long it takes her to
remind us we're not married.

Am I intruding? I don't want to butt in
on any single -gal -type chatter.

Four seconds.

Five.

Mary, I've come to impose upon your
friendship just a little bit. May I?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, this is a little composition that
Bess wrote in English class, and Mary,

must read it. I must have your reaction
to it.

Uh, now?

Oh, Mary, do you mind? No!

the reaction of someone whose opinion I
respect, who is also witty and

perceptive. Then you want me to read it.

I don't think that'll be necessary,
Rhoda.

Mary, I don't want you to be influenced
by me, but really, this is so clever and

insightful. But you don't want that to
influence me, right? Right.

Ah, very good.

Oh, do you think so?

Oh, no, that's what the teacher wrote up
here at the top. Very good.

Right, that's very good. Will you look
at that egg? That is some egg. So big

red and rosy.

Isn't that a cute title, Mary? The care
and feeding of parents.

Yeah, it is.

That never sounds funny.

Phyllis, it's really difficult to read
when someone is watching your eyes go

back and forth.

What was that? What was that?

Oh, well, this, it really is terrific.
That certainly does have a flair. Oh,

Mary, do you really think so? Yeah.

I do so hate imposing on you. Oh,
Phyllis, you weren't imposing. Well, I

imposing hasn't begun.

Oh? You see, don't you think?

This would make an excellent article for
one of those teenage -type magazines.

Why don't you send it in to one of them?
Well, Mary, that's what I... Mary, you

know the Snyder Publishing Company,
don't you? Yeah, I should. They own the

building I work in. Oh, do they?

That's why it's called the Snyder
Building, Phyllis.

Well, then you know how they publish all
kinds of books and magazines for

children. And I thought in particular
teen topics, I thought that this might

make a perfect article for them. You
aren't by any chance going to suggest

I take the composition into Snyder
Publishing, are you?

Well, I just thought they wouldn't leave
it lying around unread if you brought

it to them. After all, you're a TV
associate producer.

Yeah, but Phyllis, I don't know anyone
at Snyder Publishing.

Well, surely somebody in your office
knows somebody down there to give them

this.

I think he knows Mr. Snyder, but
that's... Well, then, Mary!

Oh, no.

Oh, Phyllis, I am not going to ask my
boss to take a homework assignment of a

little girl, a very nice little girl...
You're right. You're right. I am

imposing.

I... I just thought that... Oh!

It's so hard to explain to people who
haven't reproduced.

alienate everybody completely. Oh,
Phyllis, come on. You're not alienating

everybody. Speak for yourself, Mary.

Phyllis, wait.

Come on. Give me the paper. I don't
know. Maybe there's something I can do.

Oh, Mary.

You're just so... Mary.

Mary. Well, let's just wait and see how
Mary I am, okay?

Of course. I know you'll do the right
thing. Say the right word.

And any small advance is perfectly
acceptable, whatever the going rate is.

bless you, Mary.

You know, Mayor, it's a joy watching you
stand up to Phyllis. Oh, come on,

Rhoda. She asked me to do a little
favor.

Oh, Mary.

Just a thought.

Maybe you should type it up so it'll
look more professional.

God bless you, Mary.

Murray, you know anyone who works
downstairs at Snyder Publishing?

Well, the same people who clean this
office every night clean those offices.

I think the guy's name is Smitty.

Thanks, anyway.

I know somebody down there.

Oh? Who?

Secretary to the big boss.

Cheryl Weston.

We went out quite a bit together.

Wait a minute.

Weston, Weston, Weston.

Can't seem to find her. Maybe she's in
the yellow pager.

Oh, here she is under secretaries.

Ted, would you mind if I called her?
I've got something here to submit to

Snyder. Not at all. This is her private
office number. You may use my name. Oh,

no, that won't be necessary.

It's just nice to know her name to sort
of break the ice.

Thanks.

Hello, Miss Weston?

Well, hi.

I'm Mary Richards, your neighbor from
upstairs at WJM -TV.

Well, every day I just zip right past
your floor on the elevator and I feel

I know you.

cute article here that I thought was
just great for teen topics, and I was

wondering if... Well, yeah, I know I
could mail it in. Well, perhaps I should

speak to Mr.

Snyder then. Uh -huh.

Just a moment, please.

Cheryl, this is Ted Baxter.

I'd just like you to know the young lady
you're talking to is a personal friend

of mine.

Hello?

read this note beside her name.

What's it say, Ted?

Never mind.

Murray,

you think I could get Mr. Grant to read
this?

I mean, he might just like it and say to
himself, hey, I think I'll toddle on

down to see my pal Hank Snyder with
this. Well, I don't know. It's going to

tough to get him to read it and tougher
to get him to toddle.

Morning. Anything vital for me to read
today?

right into your lap.

I would like to speak to whoever is
responsible for this piece of paper

hold in my hand. That would be me. I
just thought that if you had it in your

hand, it might occur to you to read it.
You're right.

I did read it.

Now, what do I do with it?

Well, how did you like it, by the way?
You didn't write this, did you? No, no.

just typed it up. Good. It stinks.

written by a 12 -year -old girl.

Oh, in that case, it's excellent.

Oh, do you really think so? It's
Phyllis's daughter's English

And you want me to put her on the news
staff? You figure she'd write well for

Ted?

No, Mr. Grant. I just thought that if
you like it, it just might pop into your

head to take it down to your friend Hank
Snyder, down at Snyder Pub.

But I can see it didn't pop into your
head to do that.

As I recall, this is two paragraphs.

Wouldn't that make a rather brief
magazine article?

Well, funny.

It didn't look so brief in longhand.

Mary, Hank Snyder owes me a favor.

Well, perfect.

Not perfect.

Five years ago, I started working on a
novel.

You did?

Right now, it's about this thick.

When it's this thick, I'm going to barge
into Hank's office, big as life, and

say, this is it, Hank.

Publish it.

Now, Mary, you can't expect me to use up
a favor this thick for one this

thin.

No, I don't. Forget it. I just did.

Good.

Well, I think I've done everything I
possibly could have done. I have typed

the composition, groveled at the feet of
Mr. Snyder's secretary, made a fool of

myself in front of Mr. Grant. What more
could I have done?

You did everything anybody could expect,
Mary. And more.

So why is it that Phyllis is going to
make me feel I haven't done enough?

Phyllis, I tried, but Mr. Grant just
wasn't as enthusiastic as we were. Why

Didn't he see the grade on it? Well, no,
Phil. You had me type it, remember?

Oh. Well, why didn't he think it was
good enough?

No, he didn't say it wasn't good enough.

Well, he said that it was a little
short.

Yes, he's right. It is short.

Tell him that Bess hasn't begun to
explore the possibilities of her theme.

No, Phyllis, the thing is, Hank Snyder
owes Mr. Grant a favor.

Mr. Grant wanted to use the favor to get
a book published. A book?

Yeah.

Phyllis, Lars told me to come up and
drop a hint for you to make some dinner.

Tell him I'll be right down, dear.

Okay. I offered to make him something,
but he doesn't like jelly.

Well, then give him the rest of this
banana and tell him I'll be right along.

little composition about coping with
parents that Miss Delgado gave you that

red A on?

Well, sure.

Well, Mary has taken a great interest in
it, and she and her employer, Mr.

Grant, think that it can be a book.

Phyllis, I did not say book.

Well, they feel it needs a trifle more
padding, a few chapters.

Phyllis, I don't know if I can write a
whole book.

Well, all we have to do is elaborate on
the theme that parents have a lot to

cope with.

The theme was that kids have a lot to
cope with. Well, uh, whatever.

Phyllis, will you just hold on a minute?

Hello. Phyllis, I did not say I could
get a book published. I doubt if I can.

fact, I'm sure I can.

Well, we'll cross that bridge when we
come to it. The important thing is for

Bess to do it. Bye. Goodbye.

Oh, well. Sounds like you've been
standing up to Phyllis again.

Oh, well, they'll never finish it. I
mean, a book is a book. Come on.

to the pages.

Mary, we're talking about Phyllis here.
Before this thing is finished, you're

going to be out there in Hollywood,
selling the rights to the screenplay.

And typing it.

Yeah.

Dean, take other 10 -second numbers. Go
away!

I'm only sticking my head in long enough
to tell you I'm leaving. Oh, Rhoda, no,

that's okay. Stay.

Just Phyllis, she is driving me crazy
with that book.

You know, she called me seven times at
the office yesterday. I couldn't get any

work done. I had to bring it home and do
it on the weekend.

You get tough.

Look at me. Do you think Phyllis would
ever dare ask me for a favor?

Never.

She respects me too much.

In fact, she respects me so much she
can't stand me.

Okay, just one sentence then.

Well, that's kind of cute, yeah.

Well, it's clear to me.

Well, no, I'm sorry, Bess. I can't come
down, dear.

Phyllis, will you get off the extension?

I just told Bess, and I told you before,
I cannot come down. I am busy.

I'll talk to you later. Goodbye.

There. I told her no.

Now, don't you feel better?

Are you thinking?

Or are you staring at your fish?

Both. I wish I could reach them so I
could make them understand I'm keeping

in there for their own good.

I'm not following you, dear.

Well, I'd like to set them free, but if
I put them in a lake or a river, the

pollution would kill them.

So they're better off here in relatively
clean tap water.

But they probably hate me because they
think I'm keeping them prisoner. Fish

don't... Hey, dear.

Hi. Oh, Mary.

Hi, Aunt Mary. What seems to be the
problem?

Well, everything was going just fine,
and then we hit a little snag. Oh, how

did you get? Well, actually, we had a
little disagreement over how the

dedication should read.

The dedication? You mean you finished
already?

Oh, no, no. We haven't gotten past the
dedication.

Mary, which sounds better to you? Now, I
want you to be honest. I'm not going to

tell you which one of us did which.

To Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Linus, and
especially Lucy.

Or to dedicated parents everywhere.

I think I like the one about Charlie
Brown.

Mary, could I speak to you for a minute?

Phyllis, is it all right if I take a
little break?

A break?

I just felt I needed a little break
while you two were talking. Oh, well, go

ahead and take your little break, dear.

While she's taking her little break,
I'll just rough in the first few

I know how her mind works.

So, Mary, if there's nothing else... No,
no, no, Phyllis.

I shouldn't have barged in and
interrupted the way I did.

In summary, Councilman Carter has this
to say. We must take action soon against

the appealing...

tapping policies of government agencies.

That's appalling.

Oh, against the appalling wire tapping
policies. Oh, I see. Then I disapprove.

Then I better frown instead of smile.

Hi. Oh, hiya, Bess. How are you?

Fine. How are you, Mr. Slaughter? Well,
I guess I'm fine, too.

Can I help you?

Well, I'd like... to see Mary. Is she
here? Well, she'll be right back. Why

don't you sit over here at a desk?

Thank you.

You're a writer, aren't you?

Uh -huh. In a way, I write for Ted
Baxter on the 6 o 'clock news.

I guess that makes me a comedy writer.

I'm kind of a writer, too.

Oh, that's right.

You know, I really like your little
story about parents.

Thank you.

Do you enjoy writing?

Well, now, let's see.

I enjoy getting paid for my writing.

I enjoy finishing my writing. I enjoy
reading my writing.

I don't think I really enjoy the writing
part of my writing.

I think I know what you mean.

Bess, hi.

What are you doing here?

Just thought I'd say hello.

Well, how nice.

Does Phyllis know where you are? Well,
no.

I'm supposed to be on a botany field
trip, but they called it off because

bad day for outdoor breathing.

I had to go to the orthodontist four
blocks from here, so I asked your mother

drop me off. Oh.

Aunt Mary, can I talk to you? Well,
sure.

Why don't we use Mr. Grant's office?
It's more private.

Why don't you just sit down, and I'll
drop these off and be right back.

I know you, don't I? Yeah.

You're not one of my grandchildren, are
you?

No.

Oh, Mr.

Grant, I'm sorry, but we had to use your
office.

Believe me, it's very important.

Important? Very.

I understand.

So, what do you want to talk about?

It's about the book.

Oh, yeah. How's it coming?

I wish we weren't doing it. Well, Bess,
the other day you said you were enjoying

doing it. Well, I was.

I wanted to do it for Phyllis. I want
her to be proud of me. Oh, honey, she is

proud of you.

I'd do just about anything for her. And
since she wanted a book so bad, well, I

figured I'd try and write a book.

But, Aunt Mary, I'm only 12.

Not finished yet?

Oh, no.

Right on time.

Lou Grant, this is Mr. Mitchell from
Universal Mills.

Mr. Mitchell. Well, they tell me you're
going to try to convince me to sink half

our television budget into your news
program. That's right.

Why don't we just go into your office,
Lou?

Well, Sam, unfortunately, it's occupied
momentarily. Why don't we just sit down

right here?

that the reason Phyllis is so involved
in writing this book is because of you.

Because she loves you.

I know.

And I love her.

And that's why I don't want to quit
writing the book.

She's enjoying it so much.

You know, for a person with Phyllis'
intelligence and creativity, being just

plain housewife can get pretty humdrum.

Yeah, but I think if you tell her that
you don't want to write the book, she'll

just bounce right into some other
activity that won't be so hard on you.

is pretty resilient.

Yeah.

Well, will you tell her then?

Well, Beth, sweetie, I could, but, um,
aren't they better coming from you?

Well, maybe we could tell her together.

Okay. Oh, good.

Because when we're alone, Phyllis has
this tendency to rewrite me.

Excuse me.

Mary, how nice.

Come and sit down.

Tell me all about the outside world.

You know, it's true.

Writing is lonely.

Phyllis, Bess asked me to talk to you.
When?

Well, she came to see me today.

Oh, to your office?

Yeah.

Phyllis... Well, I guess the best thing
to do is just come out and say...

doesn't want to work on the book
anymore.

Well, fine. We won't work on the book.

You're not upset that she doesn't want
to work on the book? No.

I just wish she could have told me
herself.

Well, see, the thing is, she was afraid
that you'd be disappointed in her.

Disappointed?

Oh, Mary, well, that's silly.

She knows I've always told her I only
want the best for her. Oh, and that's

exactly what I said to her, too. She
doesn't want to write. She doesn't have

write.

don't want to write, you don't have to
write. I just put the book away and we

just won't talk anything more about it.
Oh, good.

Well,

can I do my homework now?

Of course.

You can't push a child to do something
she doesn't want to do.

Always remember that, Mary.

I'll try.

Beth?

What's that, dear?

It's nothing.

May I see it?

It's just a painting I did in this
ruler's class.

Why didn't you show this to me? I
forgot.

Look at this, Mary.

Oh, Bess, that's really terrific.

You know, I bought a poster last week
that wasn't half as good as this.

I mean, the colors, it... You know,
Bess, if you wanted to, I bet you could

even...

I went home this weekend and I finished
it. Oh, hey, terrific.

Edie read it last night.

She was really caught up in it until she
fell asleep.

Listen, get Hank Snyder for me. I want
to collect on that favor. Oh, sure.

By the way, Mr. Grant, what was that
favor, anyway?

Old Hank wasn't always a big publishing
tycoon.

He used to own a crummy little bar.

I did something that financed the start
of his whole publishing empire.

Wow. What was that?

I paid my board.