All language subtitles for Hell_Motel_S01E01[_7714]_Legendas01.ENG

You see? See, I swear we drove
past that before.

Should I get the map?

You know
where we are on the map?

No.

Neither do I. Like, uh, yeah.

I think we're gonna
have to stay out here tonight

and head to the cabin
in the morning.

What do you think?

I think there's a good chance
that it's a dump.

Yeah.
I mean, then we'll leave.

But I need to make
sure I have enough energy

to do justice to our first night
together as husband... and wife.

Well, Cold River Motel, you have
got a lot to live up to.

Let's go.

It's strange having a hotel
in the middle of nowhere.

It's so quiet.

Look, I don't feel good
about this place.

It looks okay.

If it's grim, we bail.

Promise.

Hello?
Anyone home?

Uh, sorry.

Was getting a little busy
back there.

Uh, we'd like a room
for the night.

Okay. Yeah, sure.

I mean, can, uh, take your pick.

Uh...

You have a honeymoon suite?

Let's see.

It's, uh, your lucky night.

Hey.

Uh, oh, you need a credit card
or something?

Oh, no.
You guys take a load off,

and, uh, we can deal with
the paperwork in the morning.

Oh, we have guests?
Hello.

Hi.

Hey.

Is that your truck outside?
The newlyweds?

Yes. That's us.

What do you say we throw in
a free bottle of champers?

You can't start
your honeymoon without bubbly.

That would be criminal.

Thank you.
That is very generous.

I was a little worried
when we drove up.

Other side of the world
with nothing

around for miles, I get it.
- Mm.

Now, you don't slip carrying
your bride over the threshold.

I got it.

- Thank you.
- Thank you. Uh...

- Yeah.
- Alright.

And, um,
we will drop off your bottle

and an ice bucket
in 10 minutes.

Let's go.

I love it.

It's funny and dated.

Eh?

So is the guy you married.

Let's get these clothes off.

Oh, that's exactly what
I was thinking.

Freshen up, you horndog.

I'll be right back.
- Okay.

Don't take too long.

We'll consummate our marriage
and...

make it all kinds of official.

I'm about to make that
very easy for you, Mr. Ridgeley.

Oh, that sounds good.
That sounds good.

I, uh...

I got a big surprise
for you, honey.

A big one?

I've got a surprise for you, too.

Ooh!

Champagne's here.

I think you got the wrong--

Caitlyn.

Caitlyn.

Okay, you dirty devil.

Caitlyn!

So, I-I've seen photos
of your installations,

you know, and I know
you're re-creating crime scenes,

but you really do evoke
the feeling

of what they're really like,
you know?

That means a lot,
especially coming from someone

with your direct experience.
Thank you.

You know,
I read a paper on your work.

The blood and bones,
that's all real?

I don't fake anything.
I don't think I should.

Me neither, honey.

Every one of my oohs
and ahs is guaranteed legit.

So you've really slept
with all those serial killers?

Yeah.
One away from a dangerous dozen.

You may have given birth
to Baphomet's baby

in "Doomed Service 4:
Generations."

How I'd like to forget
that movie.

But I screwed the actual druid.

Not the actual famous druid.

The original druid.

Those two kids were copycats.
Yawn.

Hi. I don't think I know you.

Sorry.

- Oh.
- Okay.

- Crow.
- Hey.

I just like to feel the energy
of the place as we get close.

I feel it all over.

Guys, I cannot believe
we get to go to the place

where the Cold River Slaughter
took place.

Yeah, I've been studying the
events of that night for years.

Yeah, for me, I mean,
this place is right behind

the Polanski Tate mansion.

I mean, it's-- it's big.

Yeah, but they caught Manson.

Baphomet is still out there.

You cannot tell me that
that forestry guy, uh...

What's his name?
- David Rene.

Yes. You cannot tell me
he was the killer.

But then he killed himself.

Sounds guilty.
What about you, Crow?

Forestry guy, trucker,
the local chief of police.

What's your theory?

I've long since shed theories.

I listen to the spirits,

and they're telling me
that this is going to be

a very challenging weekend
for all of us

and that we'd best be ready
for unimaginable...

...pain.
- Fucking A, Crow.

We didn't all sign up for
some shiny happy people shit.

I mean, look, we're rolling in
in a big-ass hearse.

How's that for a jinx?

Wow, there it is.

- Oh, wow.
- Well, look at all these trees.

- I like it.
- Welcome, everyone.

We are so glad to have you here,

handpicked
for our inaugural weekend.

Each one of you is a V.I.P.
of the true-crime scene,

whether it be podcasting,

movies,

academia,

art,

the spiritual,

or the experiential.

You are the best,
the most devoted.

The completely obsessed.

And we share that obsession
and can think of no one

who deserves to join us
for our opening weekend

more than all of you.

So welcome to
the Cold River Motel,

proudly restored
to its true-crime glory.

- What do you want with these?
- Just inside.

Now, please follow us
to check in

where star-crossed lovers
Joey and Caitlyn

first started
on their heartbreaking path.

To quote a little movie's
tagline, check in for the night,

but check out in a body bag.

Ah, thank you.

Thank you, JP.

You should get going
before that big storm hits.

Well, there's no cell service
out in the boonies,

and our landline has yet
to be installed.

Thank you,
unreliable rural hell.

Our motel does have
satellite Wi-Fi all set up

so you can post
every last morbid morsel of fun

we get up to this weekend.

It's so strange to be in the
real place after all the movies.

I mean, I've been here before,
just not really.

You know?
- Art mirrors life.

Oh, shit!

That's where Eric bled out.

Fake, obviously, in honor of
what was there.

Somebody knows their
Cold River murder facts.

This is where it started.
Eric, the owner, he got stabbed

and then made his way all
the way down to the basement.

God, imagine bleeding
out for that long.

I actually don't have to.

I've lived through it.

Were there other bloodstains
that were still here

when you bought the place?

In some rooms, yes.

Was there any new evidence
uncovered during those renos?

Sadly, no.

Imagine if,
by reopening the motel,

you close the circle and we
discover who Baphomet really is.

Now, that would be
a benediction.

- The Wi-Fi, can we get the...
- Okay, honeymoon suite.

I need to see the...

Three.

Five.

Caitlyn and Joey's
honeymoon suite.

I'm too hot to die!

Cut!

That was incredible.

I don't know how you made
that line work, but you did.

Oh!

Oh, my God, do you need
a minute?

No. I'm fine.
I really am fine.

Thank you. So it was good then?
- Are you kidding me?

Half of us are crying
over there.

Oh, good. Good.
Okay. Awesome.

Awesome. That's good to hear.

Okay, well,
I'm good to go again.

- Yeah?
- Honestly, yeah,
whatever you need.

You know, crying
and dying is easy for me, so.

Fantastic.
Okay, well, you heard her.

Let's do it again!

Thanks, guys.

Hi.

So this is where
it all happened.

- Worst art ever.
- Yep.

Pretty crazy to stand here.

That poor woman.

Playing her, I had to try and
imagine what it would have been

like, but actually being here?

I have no idea what the hell her
or any of them went through.

I mean, how could I?

We should
probably get out of here.

That lady--
- Ruby?

I think she has a plan she
doesn't want us deviating from.

We are gonna start our weekend
with a scrumptious meal

by none other than chef of
three-star flesh and sinew...

Hemmingway!

Ooh!

Aah!

Bon soir, madames
and messieurs, please strap in.

I've thought long and hard
about the kind of cuisine

that would do justice
to the Cold River,

such a dark and storied place.

Then I realized there
could be nothing more resonant

than for us to eat...

...Caitlyn herself.

- Oh, my God!
- Oh!

This is messed up.

Unreal.

Are you a leg man?

That was in bad taste.

Not to mention disgusting.

Everything you see is made of
the most delicious meats,

tofus, and grains.

The leg is bone-in, naturally.

The flanks are for vegans.

I'll be sticking to that,
thank you.

Not me.
Total carnivore over here.

Well, actually, exocannibalism
has been practiced

in every corner of the world.

Great power can be derived
eating

the flesh of your enemies.

Uh, Caitlyn was a victim.
She's no one's enemy.

Of course not.

She's my favorite victim
in the world.

- And we're both Capricorns.
- Oh!

The blood and body of Caitlyn.

Ooh.

Mm.

Mmm. It's-- It's really good.

Oh, my God, guys,
you have to try it.

Mm?

This is incredible.

- Thank you, Caitlyn.
- Okay.

I'm not usually a lamb guy
but damn, this is good.

Mm. Who knew you could be
so delicious, girl?

Oh, boy.

Next, a blood palate cleanser.

- What?
- Wow, this looks so realistic.

Oh, my God.

- I don't drink, so I'll pass.
- Mm.

How'd you get the viscosity?
Corn syrup?

Corn syrup, how very dare you.

This amazing meal is just
the first of many special events

that Portia and I have
planned for you this weekend.

Next up, Crow is
going to lead us in a séance

in the very place
where the black celebration

happened 30 years ago.

A séance? I'm there.

Good because attendance is
mandatory.

To the Cold River Slaughter
clique.

Nothing but the best
for the obsessed.

Cheers to that.

Mm.

So metallic.

Seriously, how'd you make this?

There's a tiny bit of vodka
in there.

The rest is 100% me.

My blood, that is.

- Get out of here.
- It's true.

You all just drank my blood,
my personal sacrifice.

- What?
- Are you crazy?

Do you know
how unhygienic that is?

Jesus!

Do you know the health
of the animals you eat?

The ones you eat raw?
Your sushis, your beef tartare.

It's not the same thing.

You're damn right it's not

because I just gave
you a piece of me.

And I, for one,
thank you wholeheartedly.

If this is what's
going to happen this weekend,

just call back the limo.

Ah, speak of the devil.

Did anyone leave anything
in the stretch hearse?

Other than our common sense, no.

Hello?

Coming, JP.

Oh.

Wow.

- Something dropped--
- Hi.

Uh, c-can we come in?
It's a hurricane out there.

We are trapped.

Uh, I'm afraid that we
are closed for the whole weekend

for a private event.
- Oh, okay.

The police scanner is saying
that the roads

and highways are impassable.

There's trees down,
roads washed out.

The bridge to Kenwood is gone.
- Yeah.

So we were just wondering
if we could--

Sorry. No vacancy.

As my partner said, this is
a private and exclusive weekend.

Um...

Could we at least park our R.V.

in the back corner of
your parking lot?

Just till the storm blows over?

The entire premises
are being used for the event,

so I'm afraid that's
not possible.

Okay.

Well, navigating that R.V.

on these roads isn't
possible either.

I could barely see
out the window.

Like, I-I wouldn't normally ask,
but we're stuck.

Fine.

But the motel itself
is off-limits.

You-- You won't even notice
we're there.

We have everything
we need in the R.V.

And with that thunder, you
won't even hear Floyd snoring.

Happy camping.

Make sure it stays that way.

Sorry.

Every detail
of the Cold River Motel

is a murderous experience.

Each murder room showcases
a quote from Dante.

"All hope abandon,
ye who enter here."

- That feeling.
- Behind this door,

Baphomet stabbed
Kenny Vitelli with such vigor

that pieces of his skin
were found stuck to the ceiling.

Is this my room?

I'm down to trade
if it's someone else's.

The red doors are rooms where
the murders actually took place.

They're set aside as shrines.

No one sleeps in them.

Look at that.

Is this thespot
he was murdered?

- That spot exactly.
- How do you know for sure?

Well, the knife marks
on the floor,

bloodstains in the wood.

Most people don't think about
these things

when they buy a property
like this.

Okay. Say I gave you $100.

Do you think you
could just make an exception?

No.

These are art installations
by some of the world's

most edgy pop artists, including
one by our very own Kawayan.

Oh.

Please save
the honeymoon suite for me.

It's a special,
heartbreaking place.

Our next event begins
in one hour in the basement

where Caitlyn was sacrificed.

Crow is going to lead us
on a séance.

And hopefully we'll have
the chance to commune

with Caitlyn herself.

I have so many questions
for her.

Paige, do you think
I could get some shots of you

in the honeymoon suite?

Like waking up pretending
to be Caitlyn.

We have a Caitlyn costume
at the ready.

We knew this would come up.

Yeah, I'd be happy to.

Any questions?

I guess you revamp
an old motel like this and that

touchy-feely, "I got ADHD"
wacko is the kind of person

you're going to get
staying here.

We were a little wacko
at their age.

Yeah.

But we refined as we got older.

That crowd looks
like it might stay that way.

You weren't lying
about that refinement.

That better not be that bossy
one asking us

to get out of Dodge after all.

- Hi. Can I come in?
- Yes.

It's so quick, quick.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Call that little cutie Hoopoo.

- Did you macrame it yourself?
- No.

No, I got it
at a Sally Ann near Flint.

- Floyd and I grew up in Saginaw.
- Mm.

I love it in here.
It's so comfy and normal.

I'm a big fan of normal
after today.

So it's not just us?
Your friends over there,

they're a little...

They're not my friends.

They're not...

We're, um...
We're up here for this--

this special weekend.

In the middle of nowhere?

What am I missing?

You have no idea
what this motel is famous for?

It seems just like
any other motel

from St. John's to San Diego.

True.

But if I said
Cold River Slaughter,

does that ring any bells?

Oh, yeah.
That happened a long time ago.

I-I saw an episode about it
on some news magazine show.

Oh, my God, you're her.

You're that actress
from the movies.

Oh, that's right,
we saw two of those on the TV.

- Uh, what are they called again?
- Uh, "Doomed Service."

- Yeah.
- Yes.

They're based on what happened
here 30 years ago.

That-- That happened here?

All those murders?

Jesus. I'm starting to regret
we turned down this road.

So what, this is some kind of
creepy pilgrimage?

That doesn't sound right.

Ruby and Portia
are relaunching the motel,

and they wanted us all up here
for its inaugural weekend

to get the word out, I guess.

So you are here to play
the part of...

Caitlyn Ridgeley, yeah.

Yeah, at the time.

Anyways, I was wondering...

Once the roads are good, could
I catch a ride with you guys?

Even to the next town over.

I-I just feel really
gross being here

and doing this, and I'm sorry.

I know you don't know me and I-I
know you're on your holiday.

- I'm-- I'm sorry.
- Of course.

Of course you can come with us.

Can't she, Floyd?

We'd be honored.

Friends back home are gonna
flip when they hear.

We have room.
And you're right.

You should leave.
It's not right.

Murder shouldn't be
some selfie-snapping joke.

I want to put everything
that's ever happened here

behind me... for good.

- Thanks for the tea.
- Things get weird,

- you run back here, okay?
- Okay.

Cut!

What? What?

What the-- Who the hell?

And that is promo gold.

Exactly what we're paying you
for.

Even to the final-girl fall
while being chased!

Bravissima!

Whoo!

Of course,
everything that happens

or is produced this weekend can

and will be used to promote
the Cold River.

Well, I know I didn't agree
to that.

Small-print, folks.
It's all in there.

There's no deception.

We give you an amazing
free weekend at the number-one

true-crime destination,

and you give us the right
to use whatever comes up

for promotional purposes.

Typical influencer
engagement contract.

- I'm not an influencer.
- Neither am I.

But I'll take the publicity.

Yeah, you scratch
my back with a butcher knife,

- I'll scratch yours.
- Awesome.

And good for you, Kawayan.

I mean that,
but I work in academia.

Which is notoriously boring.

So I can't be seen
screaming down a hall

wearing some true-crime cosplay
to shill for a motel.

Then why did you even come
here?

Obviously, poor shrubs,
I'm good with it.

I came for access
for my research.

Right.

So you can put us all
under a microscope dish

in some masturbatory essay
so you can snag some big grant.

Yeah, yeah,
my big academic exposé

on a desperate chef flogging

some tacky gimmick
to hide the fact

that when his food isn't
too dry, it's way too salty.

Look, are you okay
with them using you like this?

Mocking you to promote
this place?

They chased you with a knife.

I run from knives for a living.

Yeah, on your movie set, sure,
but you're--

You're being paid to be here.

Sorry. What?

Are you telling me I cooked
an entire meal gratis

while the washed-up scream queen
here charges a fee?

For what? Shaking her tits?

Hey, watch it, asshole.

Oh, well, I suppose she's
got to make a living somehow.

It's not like the old career
is tearing along, eh?

Hey, she's a freaking legend.

Yes,
a legend for looking great naked

while covered in blood.

At least she did
when she was 19.

I read about the new flick,
how they're reimagining

the "Doomed Service"
franchise without you.

I know, but

I'm afraid all that Botox
and whatever else

you've done
or are planning on doing

is not going to make you young
or relevant again.

I'll just be in my room.

You are a grade-A
piece of shit.

Yeah, she can act a lot better
than you can cook.

Oh, right, now
everybody hates my cooking.

But it's true.
You know it, I know it.

Even she knows it.

You have the sensitivity
of a psychopath.

I thought that's
what turned you on, baby.

Unfortunately for you,
I don't bed women

whose body count is made up
exclusively of serial killers.

And you want to know why?

Because that kind of trophy sex
usually means...

crazy.

I've had enough
of this pathetic weekend.

As soon as the road's clear,

I'm going to hitch
a ride back to town

with the normies in their R.V.s.

Oh, and by the way,
ladies, if anyone deserves

to be paid for this weekend,
it's Hemmingway.

Put that in your
fucking promo video.

Oh!

Hey.

You alright?

Sure. Yeah.

I'm used to being a big joke.

Hemmingway's an idiot.
Forget him.

I can't escape her.

I begged the director
of those movies

to cast me in his new indie,
but...

- No luck.
- Zero.

I try. I keep trying.
But this...

The only paying gig
I can get is-- was her.

You know, way back,

I knew I shouldn't
have taken that part,

but I was 17
and I was kicked out of my house

and I needed the money.

Look, if any of us
had our high school jobs filmed,

we'd be embarrassed.
- Well, I was naked for mine,

so nobody takes me seriously.

And nobody wants
a 30-something final girl.

Okay, you know,
older people, they get

killed all the time.

Worst part is being here,

doing this, it-- it's just
more disrespect for Caitlyn.

Yeah. It's, uh, it's weird.

I mean, she wasn't even the
only person who died that night.

Yeah, it's the usual bullshit.

The same sexist,
woman-hating rumors about her.

She was on a honeymoon with
a guy she left her husband for.

So that makes her a slut.

And she was wearing lingerie,

so that meant I had to be
totally naked.

Yeah, it's all, uh,
pretty crass.

Yeah.
You know, the awful thing is,

the real Caitlyn was
a sweet woman finally out

of a bad marriage, back
with her high-school sweetheart.

And they got one night
together.

Not even that.

Yeah, her second chance.

God knows I know what
needing one of those feels like.

It's just so sad and so wrong.

Thanks.

Mm.

Oh, Ruby. That is so sad.

Spoiler alert--

I'm not a sucker like your
horror mascot in there.

Oh, ooh!

Oh, so scary. Look at me.
I'm shaking.

This weekend is just a joke.

And so is this motel.

I'm going to burn it all
down online.

Fuss... if you want.

I'm not even looking.

It's Hemmingway time.

"No one thinks of
how much blood it costs."

'Cause that's what I want to
read on my motel room door.

It's from Dante's "Inferno."

They're all quotes from that.

And the quote for
a night here is 335 buckaroos.

And it's funny
because I don't remember

receiving $335 from you.

You both
have been right generous,

allowing us to park on your lot,
but you see,

the thing is that the R.V. park
we were supposed to

overnight at, they have showers,

and we're not carrying
enough water.

So we were-- we were
just wondering--

No. No way. Not this weekend.

But we promise
the showers will be even cleaner

than before we stepped in.

They'll be as clean
as they are now because...

Unless you're a paying guest,

you're not stepping
into one of them.

Alright.

Well, that's
a pretty expensive shower.

Hey, don't use up all
the hot water.

Room 4.

And stay away from the guests.

Oh.

"If the present world
goes astray,

the cause is in you."

You girls might want to take
that one to heart.

Damn it, it's hot.

Right. It's...

Ruby, you've had your fun.

Alright? Open the door.
I'm getting light-headed.

Ruby!

No. I'm serious!
I-I-I feel sick.

Just--

This heat is not good
for the brain.

Ruby!

Okay, look.

I'll be nicer. Okay?

I-I'll even give the place
a glowing review.

Just open the goddamn door!

Get me out of here!
Open the door!

Ruby!

Hey! Let me out of here!

Ruby, for fuck's sake!

Let me out!

We know this symbol
or we think we do.

We call it a pentagram,

when in fact it's a pentacle.

We associate it
with Satan, dark magic,

when, in fact,
its original intent was

to protect the bearer
from evil spirits

while alluring good ones.

Like the spirit of our innocent
sister, Caitlyn Ridgeley...

...who we will strive
to commune with,

seeking to answer the question

we all want to know--
Who was the all-too-human demon

that slaughtered Caitlyn
and seven others

30 years ago?

I call upon you

to aid me in summoning forth

Caitlyn.

Caitlyn.

Caitlyn Ridgeley, we summon you.

Come to us from the other side.

Tell us who struck you down.

Caitlyn, why won't you cross
over to this plane?

One of our tribe is missing.

Hemmingway.

We're better off without him.

No. No.
Everyone must be here.

If the circle is not closed,

Caitlyn's spirit might get
confused.

I saw Mr. Hot Air heading
towards the sauna.

Hemmingway,
I hope you're decent.

Hemmingway, are you in there?

- Hello?
- Hemmingway!

Ruby?!

- What's going on?
- Guys?

Hey!

Ruby. What's going on?

- What the hell is happening?
- I found Hemmingway in there.

I'm calling him,
but he won't answer.

- Why is there a lock on it?
- Who would lock him in?

Okay,
we got to pry this lock off.

I got it.

Come on, bastard!

- Oh!
- Oh!

- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

That wasn't an accident.
He was left in there to cook.

We don't know that, friend.

What the hell are you on?!

He reached through
five inches of cedar

and then-- and then what?
Put a padlock on there?

Perhaps the padlock
was on the outside.

- He closes the door shut--
- Okay, we don't have a padlock

- on our sauna.
- Why would we?

Look, was this just another
one of your sick jokes that

went wrong, like when you chased
Paige through the woods?

- Show us your phones.
- Why?

To see if you were trying
to scare Hemmingway

for likes on your socials.

- We wouldn't do this.
- But how do we know that?

Because we're not murderers.

It would ruin our business.

If you went too far.

Huh?
How are we supposed to believe

some sick, murder-obsessed
freak--

Don't you talk to her
like that!

Look, there's nothing on this, okay?

- But there's no Wi-Fi signal.
- What?

- What?
- He's right.

- Fuck!
- There's nothing. I got nothing.

Oh, God.
The satellite is out.

Okay, I'm gonna try
to reboot the router.

This is feeling
very familiar for me.

Okay? Hey, I don't trust you.

And I sure as shit
do not trust you.

Look, I know we're outsiders,

but you need to stop
pointing fingers

and get the cops out here
right away.

Do you know
how to fix a satellite or,

like, hook up a landline?

Okay. No, I didn't think so.

The roads are all
closed anyway,

so no one would even get in.
- Look.

We can load everyone
into our R.V.

and-- and head off
someplace safe.

It'll be slow going, but...

Oh, my God!

Hell!

You still think this is
a fucking accident?!

Maybe.

Concupitio mala, tu nequamquam
dilige Christum.

Daemona secteris,
nec pete salvifcum.

Despicias, rogo te, Christum,
nec tempore toto.

Conspice praesentem
te fore judicio.

No. No!

Veridicos preme, nec laudes,
sed carpere gesta.

Quaerito cujusvis,
non tua respicias.

Dispereas male, ne quaeras
tu coelica, verum.

Crimine frangaris,
ne fuge delicias.

It's happening again.

Do you think the original
murderer has come back?

One of those people
killed the chef.

Maybe we have a copycat.

Come on!

One of you is a killer.

I'm not insane.

Drop the knife!

Let me out!

Oh, mighty Satan.

Time to begin.