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1
00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:08,283
Thank you so much
for coming.
2
00:00:08,651 --> 00:00:10,254
We had the Amazing Donald
performing between periods
3
00:00:10,287 --> 00:00:11,456
and his rabbit got away.
4
00:00:11,456 --> 00:00:13,327
Oh, we are very familiar
with AD.
5
00:00:13,327 --> 00:00:15,230
Congrats on the charges
being dropped.
6
00:00:15,263 --> 00:00:17,435
He lost 200 pigeons at a
corporate event last month.
7
00:00:17,468 --> 00:00:20,106
Come on!
Get that bunny off the ice!
8
00:00:20,106 --> 00:00:21,343
Oh, the crowd's
getting restless.
9
00:00:21,343 --> 00:00:23,647
Alright. Let's do this, Shred.
10
00:00:23,681 --> 00:00:25,283
- Ok.
- Ok.
11
00:00:26,854 --> 00:00:27,722
Woah!
12
00:00:27,756 --> 00:00:29,727
Hey!
13
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:31,096
We're the good guys!
14
00:00:31,096 --> 00:00:32,599
Don't engage them.
They're hockey fans.
15
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,736
They'll start throwing stuff,
like their babies.
16
00:00:34,770 --> 00:00:36,005
Hold on, hold on.
17
00:00:36,039 --> 00:00:37,374
Hey! Get him!
18
00:00:38,945 --> 00:00:40,782
Okay, excuse me.
19
00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:42,819
Can I get a stick?
20
00:00:42,819 --> 00:00:44,623
Okay. Here we go.
21
00:00:44,657 --> 00:00:47,461
Ok. Here we go.
Ok. Ok.
22
00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:52,238
I'm coming.
Here I come.
23
00:00:52,271 --> 00:00:53,473
You got it!
24
00:00:57,716 --> 00:00:58,817
You got it, Frank.
25
00:01:01,189 --> 00:01:03,293
Nice and easy.
Just hop in there, bunny.
26
00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,471
I think I just invented
a new sport.
27
00:01:10,575 --> 00:01:12,210
Yeah!
28
00:01:13,614 --> 00:01:15,017
Woooo!
29
00:01:45,410 --> 00:01:47,615
Man, your dating profile
is fire, Frank.
30
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:49,352
Look at that picture
of you gardening.
31
00:01:49,385 --> 00:01:51,155
I don't even know
what vegetable that is.
32
00:01:51,189 --> 00:01:52,157
It's so cool.
33
00:01:52,157 --> 00:01:52,926
It's a parsnip.
34
00:01:53,126 --> 00:01:53,728
And you should probably
familiarize yourself
35
00:01:54,128 --> 00:01:56,499
with organisms on your
intellectual wavelength.
36
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:58,971
If I didn't know you were real
I'd think you're fake.
37
00:01:59,005 --> 00:02:03,213
Man in uniform saving kittens,
community garden, 6'4"...
38
00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:04,817
Ashley and I have been messaging
non-stop
39
00:02:04,850 --> 00:02:06,252
since we matched
two weeks ago.
40
00:02:06,286 --> 00:02:07,655
Isn't getting to know people
the best?
41
00:02:07,688 --> 00:02:10,795
But it's weird because I now
know so much about her.
42
00:02:10,828 --> 00:02:12,164
I helped her pick out a rug.
43
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:12,799
I mean, we talk about everything
44
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:15,137
except for going on
an actual date.
45
00:02:15,170 --> 00:02:15,872
That's how dating is now.
46
00:02:16,039 --> 00:02:16,807
It's why the birth rate
is declining.
47
00:02:17,141 --> 00:02:20,280
No. I'm gonna speed things up.
I'm gonna call her.
48
00:02:20,314 --> 00:02:22,485
That's a mistake.
Nobody calls.
49
00:02:22,519 --> 00:02:24,322
Well, why would there be
a call button on the app
50
00:02:24,355 --> 00:02:25,725
if nobody does that?
51
00:02:27,394 --> 00:02:28,430
Truck 12 calling for back-up.
52
00:02:28,664 --> 00:02:32,138
Frank is trying to call a lady
out of the blue on a dating app.
53
00:02:32,171 --> 00:02:32,973
Truck 8 responding.
54
00:02:33,140 --> 00:02:35,545
Don't do that. Nobody does that.
It's weird.
55
00:02:35,545 --> 00:02:36,714
I'm calling.
56
00:02:37,982 --> 00:02:39,318
Standing by.
57
00:02:40,521 --> 00:02:41,389
Hello?
58
00:02:41,389 --> 00:02:43,761
Oh hey, Ashley, it's Frank.
59
00:02:43,794 --> 00:02:44,596
Ok.
60
00:02:44,796 --> 00:02:46,365
I know that, um, we've been
messaging a lot,
61
00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:49,138
but I thought that uh,
we could actually talk.
62
00:02:49,205 --> 00:02:52,177
And here's me talking.
How are you?
63
00:02:52,211 --> 00:02:54,817
To be honest, a little
uncomfortable.
64
00:02:54,850 --> 00:02:56,485
Ooh, that's not good.
65
00:02:57,388 --> 00:02:58,190
Frank, watch your angle.
66
00:02:58,323 --> 00:03:00,695
From that low you're
all neck. There you go.
67
00:03:00,729 --> 00:03:03,233
Uh, do you want to go
to dinner sometime?
68
00:03:04,737 --> 00:03:05,572
The call dropped.
69
00:03:05,605 --> 00:03:07,708
Oh, that was a delightful
train wreck.
70
00:03:08,243 --> 00:03:09,546
Delightful.
71
00:03:11,850 --> 00:03:13,019
How did they find me?
72
00:03:13,052 --> 00:03:13,754
No way.
73
00:03:13,954 --> 00:03:16,292
No. Another gift from
your secret admirer?
74
00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:17,494
Yes, Blummies.
75
00:03:17,528 --> 00:03:18,396
A what?
76
00:03:18,564 --> 00:03:19,098
Which is crazy, I don't know how
they found these.
77
00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:19,817
What are Blummies?
78
00:03:19,817 --> 00:03:21,073
Blood gummies?
79
00:03:21,073 --> 00:03:21,737
Hmm.
80
00:03:21,737 --> 00:03:22,973
Never caught on outside
New Zealand.
81
00:03:23,006 --> 00:03:23,974
There's so many of them.
82
00:03:23,974 --> 00:03:25,410
I mean, do you guys want
a pack?
83
00:03:25,678 --> 00:03:28,082
I'll take some home.
Rick's an adventurous eater.
84
00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:30,788
He once ate yogurt that had
been expired for two days.
85
00:03:30,821 --> 00:03:31,757
Mmhmm, crazy.
86
00:03:32,024 --> 00:03:35,363
Hold on, this says that my
secret admirer is finally ready
87
00:03:35,396 --> 00:03:37,568
to reveal themselves tomorrow
morning at 9:00.
88
00:03:37,602 --> 00:03:39,572
You're not actually
into this walking, talking,
89
00:03:39,606 --> 00:03:41,844
future true crime podcast,
are you?
90
00:03:41,877 --> 00:03:43,312
Well, they're really trying.
91
00:03:43,312 --> 00:03:45,417
And not in a creepy,
calling-out-of-the-blue
92
00:03:45,417 --> 00:03:46,419
- on a dating app kind of way.
- True.
93
00:03:46,620 --> 00:03:49,491
Yeah, it's not creepy at all
to send blood-based candies
94
00:03:49,526 --> 00:03:51,329
from an undisclosed location.
95
00:03:51,362 --> 00:03:53,033
That's extortion!
96
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,301
Shred, get over here!
97
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:55,704
Our house flip is about to flop.
98
00:03:55,738 --> 00:03:58,210
The bid from the contractor
came in. It's $10,000.
99
00:03:58,243 --> 00:03:59,580
For a simple paint
and carpet job?
100
00:03:59,580 --> 00:04:01,415
For a simple paint
and carpet job!
101
00:04:02,351 --> 00:04:04,556
Ok, you're out, Greg.
102
00:04:04,589 --> 00:04:07,494
Going with plan B.
See ya. Patel. Send.
103
00:04:07,528 --> 00:04:09,499
Ok, well we probably should've
had a quick side bar.
104
00:04:09,533 --> 00:04:11,737
But it's cool.
What's plan B?
105
00:04:11,770 --> 00:04:14,843
Uh, plan B is we do
it ourselves.
106
00:04:14,876 --> 00:04:15,778
Hell yeah.
107
00:04:15,778 --> 00:04:16,780
Right?
108
00:04:16,813 --> 00:04:17,582
Are we capable of that?
109
00:04:17,815 --> 00:04:20,086
Not only are we capable,
we cost zero dollars.
110
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:22,658
Ok, then yet again, hell yeah!
111
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:27,467
Pssst.
112
00:04:27,502 --> 00:04:28,336
Sorry.
113
00:04:28,570 --> 00:04:31,577
Um, hey. So I know someone
that works at the DMV.
114
00:04:31,577 --> 00:04:32,378
Oh, no one likes a braggart.
115
00:04:32,612 --> 00:04:34,415
She ran the plates on the car
that dropped off
116
00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:35,885
the Komodo dragon, no hits.
117
00:04:35,885 --> 00:04:38,658
Oh. So, fake plates?
Wait, what's that?
118
00:04:39,526 --> 00:04:40,828
Good point.
Maybe a stolen car.
119
00:04:40,861 --> 00:04:43,366
That's what she thinks,
so she's gonna keep digging
120
00:04:43,433 --> 00:04:45,605
and let me know if she finds out
anything else.
121
00:04:45,638 --> 00:04:46,540
Ok.
122
00:04:47,041 --> 00:04:49,846
So... I heard about the call.
123
00:04:49,879 --> 00:04:51,750
Yeah, I used my phone
calling device
124
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:54,455
to make an actual call
to a person.
125
00:04:54,488 --> 00:04:55,625
What a weirdo I am.
126
00:04:55,625 --> 00:04:57,795
Sorry, online dating sucks.
127
00:04:57,828 --> 00:05:00,601
Yeah. It's a hellscape
of personality disorders.
128
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,972
I don't know why I can't just
meet someone in real life.
129
00:05:03,006 --> 00:05:04,075
Totally.
130
00:05:04,108 --> 00:05:05,578
Through a friend
or something, right?
131
00:05:05,611 --> 00:05:06,479
Right.
132
00:05:06,713 --> 00:05:07,314
I mean, that way you could find
somebody compatible
133
00:05:07,782 --> 00:05:09,485
and possibly have a shot
at an actual relationship.
134
00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:12,525
Exactly, 'cause actual dating
is the worst.
135
00:05:12,558 --> 00:05:14,394
- Yeah. It's the worst.
- Mmhmm.
136
00:05:14,428 --> 00:05:15,965
I mean, do you have somebody
in mind or whatever?
137
00:05:15,999 --> 00:05:17,702
I really don't care... whatever.
138
00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,472
Wait, are you... are you
actually asking me
139
00:05:19,506 --> 00:05:20,407
to set you up with somebody?
140
00:05:20,542 --> 00:05:23,346
Please, I'm 6'4 ".
I don't need help dating.
141
00:05:23,379 --> 00:05:24,716
Do you have somebody in mind
or whatever?
142
00:05:24,750 --> 00:05:25,618
I really don't care... whatever.
143
00:05:25,885 --> 00:05:28,691
Wait, do you not want my help
or do you want my help?
144
00:05:28,691 --> 00:05:30,426
'Cause I actually have someone
in mind.
145
00:05:30,426 --> 00:05:31,295
What's she like?
146
00:05:31,462 --> 00:05:33,767
Ok, I'm confused so
I'm just gonna call Rick.
147
00:05:35,638 --> 00:05:36,873
Hey there, long legs.
148
00:05:36,907 --> 00:05:39,513
Hey Rick, you're on
speakerphone with Frank.
149
00:05:39,546 --> 00:05:40,814
What's up, my man?
150
00:05:40,848 --> 00:05:43,720
Um, so what do you think about
Tiffany for Frank?
151
00:05:43,754 --> 00:05:45,725
Uh, I love it.
Frank, she's great.
152
00:05:45,758 --> 00:05:46,827
She's a physical therapist.
153
00:05:46,860 --> 00:05:48,163
And she's also
into gardening
154
00:05:48,163 --> 00:05:49,098
so you have that in common.
155
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:49,867
Mmm?
156
00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:50,702
Oh, great.
157
00:05:50,935 --> 00:05:53,406
And not that this matters
in the least, but...
158
00:05:53,406 --> 00:05:55,177
how would you describe
her looks?
159
00:05:55,611 --> 00:05:57,180
Take me off speaker.
160
00:05:57,180 --> 00:05:58,082
Ok.
161
00:05:58,818 --> 00:05:59,686
Here.
162
00:06:00,922 --> 00:06:01,723
I'm in.
163
00:06:04,127 --> 00:06:04,862
I hope he likes Tiffany.
164
00:06:04,963 --> 00:06:06,967
Oh, I'm sure he will,
she's great.
165
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,871
And they have to like us
as a couple, too.
166
00:06:08,904 --> 00:06:09,839
Yeah, we need 'em
for game night.
167
00:06:10,106 --> 00:06:13,446
I just think Frank and Tiffany
would be perfect together.
168
00:06:13,446 --> 00:06:15,450
Do you think they would go
apple picking with us?
169
00:06:15,483 --> 00:06:17,053
I'm getting sweaty
just thinking about it.
170
00:06:19,526 --> 00:06:22,999
Wait, yeah, you don't...
you don't look so great.
171
00:06:24,435 --> 00:06:25,671
Oh, what's... what's happening?
172
00:06:26,539 --> 00:06:27,575
Oh. I think I overdid it
on the Blummies.
173
00:06:27,608 --> 00:06:29,178
- Oh, ok.
- Give me that bag.
174
00:06:29,211 --> 00:06:31,650
Uh, what... what bag?
There is no bag!
175
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:32,752
Wait, do you want this?
176
00:06:32,785 --> 00:06:33,621
Oh.
177
00:06:33,888 --> 00:06:35,591
Just like anything, like
a receipt or...
178
00:06:35,624 --> 00:06:37,796
Stop doing that 'cause
I'm a sympathetic vomiter.
179
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:41,836
It's climbing.
180
00:06:42,404 --> 00:06:43,373
Oh, Frank, hey.
181
00:06:43,508 --> 00:06:45,945
I'm so sorry, um, Rick's
actually in the parking lot.
182
00:06:45,979 --> 00:06:48,817
He overdid it
with the blood candies
183
00:06:48,817 --> 00:06:51,189
and he's now sneezing
diarrhea,
184
00:06:51,222 --> 00:06:53,159
um, so we need to go
to a car wash
185
00:06:53,193 --> 00:06:54,629
and then probably
an urgent care.
186
00:06:54,629 --> 00:06:56,499
Everyone heard.
No one's eating now.
187
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:57,769
Right. Ok, um, but I...
188
00:06:57,802 --> 00:07:00,508
Oh, okay. Hey Tiffany
this is Frank.
189
00:07:00,541 --> 00:07:01,676
- Hi.
- Frank, Tiffany.
190
00:07:01,710 --> 00:07:02,812
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
191
00:07:02,846 --> 00:07:05,518
But I feel like
I've seen you before.
192
00:07:05,518 --> 00:07:07,622
Do you garden at the Queen Ann
community garden?
193
00:07:07,655 --> 00:07:09,559
I do. Are you plot 14B?
194
00:07:09,592 --> 00:07:12,164
Yes, and you are 14A, right?
195
00:07:12,197 --> 00:07:12,999
I am, yeah.
196
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:14,635
You have all of
that amazing bok choy.
197
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,238
Gotta give credit
to the 200 days
198
00:07:16,272 --> 00:07:17,274
of annual rainfall that we get.
199
00:07:17,542 --> 00:07:20,147
But your snow peas, you... you
wouldn't believe them, Emily.
200
00:07:20,180 --> 00:07:21,215
Oh.
201
00:07:21,215 --> 00:07:21,950
They're perfect.
202
00:07:22,151 --> 00:07:24,523
Um... uh, Rick keeps
texting me actually,
203
00:07:24,590 --> 00:07:26,693
and his texts are making
less and less sense,
204
00:07:26,726 --> 00:07:29,231
I think he might be delirious
so I um...
205
00:07:29,231 --> 00:07:30,835
- Go, go.
- I have to go.
206
00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:31,536
Go.
207
00:07:31,703 --> 00:07:33,006
I'm so sorry.
Are you gonna be ok?
208
00:07:33,006 --> 00:07:34,008
- Yes.
- Yes.
209
00:07:34,275 --> 00:07:35,944
You've introduced us and given
us quite a conversation starter.
210
00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:37,782
Let me ask you
something.
211
00:07:37,949 --> 00:07:40,186
What's the first thing
you touch in a room?
212
00:07:40,219 --> 00:07:41,055
Door.
213
00:07:41,088 --> 00:07:42,290
At night.
214
00:07:42,290 --> 00:07:43,126
Light switch.
215
00:07:43,159 --> 00:07:44,261
- Ding ding.
- Yeah.
216
00:07:44,294 --> 00:07:45,932
Look at these beauts.
217
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:49,238
What the... authentic craftsman
style look?
218
00:07:49,271 --> 00:07:50,875
I like the sound of that.
219
00:07:50,908 --> 00:07:55,016
Oh my gosh.
They work with dimmers.
220
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:55,651
Dude... no.
221
00:07:55,851 --> 00:07:57,955
It's like having 32 lights
in one.
222
00:07:57,989 --> 00:07:59,058
We have to, right?
223
00:07:59,091 --> 00:07:59,793
Dude, it's a no-brainer.
224
00:07:59,993 --> 00:08:01,530
Give the whole dining room
a facelift.
225
00:08:01,530 --> 00:08:02,263
- Yes!
- Yes!
226
00:08:04,034 --> 00:08:04,936
Oh god.
227
00:08:04,969 --> 00:08:05,704
What? What?
228
00:08:05,771 --> 00:08:06,840
It's Greg.
It's the guy we fired.
229
00:08:06,873 --> 00:08:07,273
No.
230
00:08:07,407 --> 00:08:08,142
He's coming over here.
231
00:08:08,175 --> 00:08:09,078
Greg's here.
232
00:08:09,111 --> 00:08:09,546
He's right there.
233
00:08:09,646 --> 00:08:10,581
Don't say anything.
234
00:08:10,614 --> 00:08:11,583
I'm gonna say something.
235
00:08:11,583 --> 00:08:12,819
Gre-
Greg.
236
00:08:12,852 --> 00:08:14,823
Greg?
237
00:08:14,823 --> 00:08:17,695
Greg. Hey man, what're...
what're you doing around here?
238
00:08:17,728 --> 00:08:20,233
I'm a general contractor.
I come here every day.
239
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:21,168
Yeah, tell me about it.
240
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:21,970
Totally.
241
00:08:22,003 --> 00:08:22,772
Yeah.
242
00:08:22,972 --> 00:08:24,809
So, who'd you end up going with
for the job?
243
00:08:24,842 --> 00:08:28,115
Uh, we actually... we decided
to tackle it ourselves.
244
00:08:28,182 --> 00:08:28,917
Yep.
245
00:08:28,950 --> 00:08:29,819
You get it.
246
00:08:30,086 --> 00:08:33,025
Lot of Red Vines for a simple
paint and carpet job.
247
00:08:33,059 --> 00:08:34,563
Curious, do you think
this is enough paint
248
00:08:34,563 --> 00:08:36,800
for the whole job, or...?
249
00:08:37,635 --> 00:08:38,904
You guys know
what you're doing.
250
00:08:42,010 --> 00:08:46,152
And correct me if I'm wrong
but drywall is just wall?
251
00:08:46,185 --> 00:08:47,220
Greg?
252
00:08:51,630 --> 00:08:53,333
Oh hey. Is Rick alive?
253
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:54,936
Uh, yeah.
He's keeping liquids down.
254
00:08:54,970 --> 00:08:57,174
Um, how was the date
last night?
255
00:08:57,174 --> 00:08:58,109
Pretty good.
256
00:08:58,376 --> 00:09:00,982
I give the appetizers a four,
the goodnight kiss a nine.
257
00:09:00,982 --> 00:09:03,052
I'd give it a full ten
but we clanked teeth.
258
00:09:03,119 --> 00:09:06,793
Ok, well it sounds like Tiffany
had a good time, too, so...
259
00:09:06,826 --> 00:09:07,695
Wait, did she text you?
260
00:09:07,962 --> 00:09:10,701
I texted her, actually.
Very casual, see how it went.
261
00:09:10,734 --> 00:09:12,972
She gave your date
a thumbs up.
262
00:09:13,005 --> 00:09:15,143
Alright, well I will accept
that rave review.
263
00:09:15,176 --> 00:09:16,112
Mmhmm.
264
00:09:16,379 --> 00:09:19,920
Wait a minute, uh, was it
an emoji or a text on its own
265
00:09:19,953 --> 00:09:21,991
or a reaction to a text?
May I?
266
00:09:22,024 --> 00:09:22,993
Ok.
267
00:09:23,260 --> 00:09:25,998
So it was a reaction to a text
which is not as good, right?
268
00:09:26,031 --> 00:09:27,802
No, no, she had a good time,
Frank.
269
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:29,673
You're exactly
where you wanna be.
270
00:09:29,706 --> 00:09:31,475
Oh, no, I'm not.
I hate dating.
271
00:09:31,509 --> 00:09:33,580
I just wanna skip to the part
where we're binge watching
272
00:09:33,613 --> 00:09:34,816
tv shows and gaining weight.
273
00:09:34,849 --> 00:09:36,351
Like a relationship?
274
00:09:36,351 --> 00:09:37,922
I don't wanna put labels
on things.
275
00:09:37,955 --> 00:09:40,794
It's just that thing where
you're content and monogamous
276
00:09:40,828 --> 00:09:41,663
and all that crap.
277
00:09:41,896 --> 00:09:44,334
I could text her, propose
a second double date,
278
00:09:44,368 --> 00:09:45,136
maybe after work?
279
00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:46,907
What is going on with you
and double dates?
280
00:09:46,940 --> 00:09:48,877
Just be alone
with your boyfriend.
281
00:09:48,910 --> 00:09:49,879
Have you guys run out
of stories?
282
00:09:50,046 --> 00:09:52,852
This is not about me,
it's about you finding someone
283
00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:56,125
that you can, you know, bring to
game night or the apple orchard.
284
00:09:56,158 --> 00:09:58,329
Apple picking,
making apple tarts.
285
00:09:58,363 --> 00:10:00,200
Cool. Let's text her.
Great.
286
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:00,968
Yeah? Ok.
287
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:03,272
Sure. I mean, without
the apple picking.
288
00:10:03,272 --> 00:10:03,840
Maybe.
289
00:10:04,007 --> 00:10:05,176
People get paid
to pick apples.
290
00:10:06,145 --> 00:10:07,915
Hey, Tiffany's in.
Told you she likes you.
291
00:10:07,949 --> 00:10:10,152
That's great.
What did she say?
292
00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:11,155
Thumbs up. Yeah.
293
00:10:11,155 --> 00:10:11,823
Great.
294
00:10:13,259 --> 00:10:15,898
Ok, here we go.
295
00:10:15,898 --> 00:10:17,300
Wait, did you guys actually
set alarms?
296
00:10:17,334 --> 00:10:18,369
Oh yeah.
297
00:10:18,604 --> 00:10:20,775
T-minus five minutes until you
meet the stalker of your dreams.
298
00:10:20,808 --> 00:10:21,610
We found this
on your locker.
299
00:10:21,843 --> 00:10:24,281
I wanted to read it but
somebody wouldn't let me.
300
00:10:24,315 --> 00:10:25,183
All will be revealed in the...
301
00:10:25,383 --> 00:10:27,254
-in the multi-purpose room.
Yeah, I did take a peek.
302
00:10:27,287 --> 00:10:29,693
Awe, you get to meet your
one true love in the room
303
00:10:29,726 --> 00:10:31,195
where we de-worm cats.
304
00:10:31,262 --> 00:10:31,963
Wow.
305
00:10:31,963 --> 00:10:33,332
Ok, I will take it from here.
306
00:10:33,332 --> 00:10:33,934
Awesome.
307
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,404
I think we should all
just take it.
308
00:10:36,105 --> 00:10:38,276
I... I think this...
this is a me thing.
309
00:10:38,309 --> 00:10:39,077
Mmhmm.
310
00:10:39,111 --> 00:10:39,913
Well, I mean...
311
00:10:40,146 --> 00:10:41,750
- I feel like a we... we thing.
- Yeah, I'll go.
312
00:10:41,784 --> 00:10:43,286
This has the potential
to be very romantic.
313
00:10:43,319 --> 00:10:44,121
Oh, yes, romantic.
314
00:10:44,455 --> 00:10:46,125
Once this person goes
from breaking into your locker
315
00:10:46,158 --> 00:10:49,097
to breaking into your home
you'll be positively swooning.
316
00:10:49,130 --> 00:10:49,865
Ok, shut up.
317
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,302
I'm trying to be open
to the possibility
318
00:10:51,302 --> 00:10:52,905
of something different...
319
00:10:52,938 --> 00:10:53,673
Mmhmm.
320
00:10:53,907 --> 00:10:54,407
And I'm willing to give
this person a chance
321
00:10:54,809 --> 00:10:58,015
as long as they're over 18
and under...
322
00:10:58,482 --> 00:11:00,220
As long as they're over 18.
323
00:11:00,253 --> 00:11:01,055
Yeah.
324
00:11:02,290 --> 00:11:03,259
Wow.
325
00:11:03,292 --> 00:11:05,430
Oh Victoria!
326
00:11:05,463 --> 00:11:06,767
I knew it was water guy!
327
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,436
Oh my god, yeah. I can
work with this.
328
00:11:08,470 --> 00:11:09,906
Hi.
329
00:11:09,939 --> 00:11:10,974
Uh...
330
00:11:11,008 --> 00:11:11,475
Oh.
331
00:11:11,509 --> 00:11:12,845
Pardon me.
332
00:11:13,313 --> 00:11:14,682
Happy birthday,
I guess.
333
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:15,918
Yes, thank you.
334
00:11:16,519 --> 00:11:18,657
So it's not sexy water guy?
335
00:11:18,690 --> 00:11:19,759
Yeah, so who is it, then?
336
00:11:24,168 --> 00:11:25,469
Ta-dah!
337
00:11:25,469 --> 00:11:28,142
Ah, there he is. Ok.
338
00:11:28,175 --> 00:11:30,480
This is a prank.
Well done, Frank.
339
00:11:30,514 --> 00:11:31,716
Oh, no, I didn't do this.
340
00:11:31,749 --> 00:11:32,718
Of course it was Templeton.
341
00:11:32,985 --> 00:11:35,223
Literally the last person that
you would think it would be.
342
00:11:35,223 --> 00:11:36,091
This is a twist.
343
00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:37,762
- I got HR on hold...
- Uh-huh.
344
00:11:37,795 --> 00:11:39,932
- ...just in case this escalates.
- Mmhmm.
345
00:11:39,932 --> 00:11:42,070
But also I'm recording this
because this is too much.
346
00:11:42,070 --> 00:11:42,906
Yeah.
347
00:11:43,173 --> 00:11:44,074
I thought it would
just be the two of us.
348
00:11:44,107 --> 00:11:44,676
Huh?
349
00:11:44,776 --> 00:11:45,578
We can't hear you
over here.
350
00:11:45,878 --> 00:11:46,278
- Can't hear what you're saying.
- 'Cause I'm recording.
351
00:11:46,713 --> 00:11:47,047
Just turn it up
just a little.
352
00:11:47,648 --> 00:11:49,653
I said I thought it
would be the two of us,
353
00:11:49,653 --> 00:11:51,121
but I've come this far
so I'm wondering if,
354
00:11:51,155 --> 00:11:52,725
as your former secret admirer,
355
00:11:52,759 --> 00:11:55,965
I could openly admire you
on a date.
356
00:11:56,032 --> 00:11:57,367
You said you'd
be open to anyone.
357
00:11:57,401 --> 00:11:58,838
No thank you.
358
00:11:58,871 --> 00:12:01,408
Ah, well that was
three months and $3,500
359
00:12:01,442 --> 00:12:03,079
that was not spent wisely?
360
00:12:03,112 --> 00:12:05,317
Oh, well, from where
we're standing
361
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:06,152
it was worth every penny.
362
00:12:06,352 --> 00:12:08,189
Alright, well you can tell
a man's character
363
00:12:08,189 --> 00:12:11,563
by how he reacts on
his darkest moment
364
00:12:11,596 --> 00:12:14,535
so I'm going to just leave
and do the right thing.
365
00:12:14,535 --> 00:12:15,370
Ok.
366
00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:16,238
Ok, everybody.
367
00:12:19,444 --> 00:12:20,379
You have a...
368
00:12:26,893 --> 00:12:28,797
What's that smell?
369
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:32,003
Oh god, it smells like
burning hooves.
370
00:12:32,036 --> 00:12:32,938
Yeah.
371
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:45,463
Somebody has killed the only
thing I've ever loved.
372
00:12:45,463 --> 00:12:46,365
Blummies.
373
00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:48,202
Templeton.
374
00:12:48,537 --> 00:12:50,340
Ohhh...
375
00:12:50,373 --> 00:12:52,044
They jammed my boy.
376
00:12:52,512 --> 00:12:54,280
They jammed my boy!
377
00:12:55,416 --> 00:12:56,084
Oh boy.
378
00:12:56,318 --> 00:12:57,955
You brought this evil
into our house.
379
00:12:57,988 --> 00:13:00,595
Woah, back, ok?
Do not turn this around on me.
380
00:13:00,628 --> 00:13:01,329
A man asked me out.
381
00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:04,167
I said no and, what,
I deserve vengeance?
382
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:05,871
And I'm just putting
this out there,
383
00:13:05,904 --> 00:13:07,975
it could have been Rick.
He also likes Blummies.
384
00:13:07,975 --> 00:13:09,846
Nope. This is Templeton
level of petty.
385
00:13:09,846 --> 00:13:10,714
He did this.
386
00:13:10,948 --> 00:13:12,852
He probably did it while we were
still laughing at him.
387
00:13:12,852 --> 00:13:14,822
He never complained,
388
00:13:14,855 --> 00:13:16,258
no matter what
I put inside him.
389
00:13:16,325 --> 00:13:17,427
What?
390
00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:18,930
That's tough wording, Frank.
391
00:13:18,963 --> 00:13:20,399
Yogurt time.
392
00:13:23,439 --> 00:13:24,942
I'm gonna come back, ok.
393
00:13:29,519 --> 00:13:30,554
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
394
00:13:34,295 --> 00:13:34,963
Mmm.
395
00:13:34,996 --> 00:13:36,031
- That is good.
- Mmhmm.
396
00:13:36,031 --> 00:13:36,833
Glad we got the bottle.
397
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,570
Yeah, it really is the most
sophisticated way
398
00:13:38,604 --> 00:13:40,039
to get hammered.
399
00:13:40,039 --> 00:13:41,342
Be cool, my dear.
400
00:13:41,375 --> 00:13:42,477
I'm cool.
401
00:13:42,477 --> 00:13:43,446
I have your salads here.
402
00:13:43,446 --> 00:13:45,149
Oh, I don't believe
we ordered salads.
403
00:13:45,183 --> 00:13:47,353
Actually, uh, I took
the liberty,
404
00:13:47,386 --> 00:13:49,992
these salads are made with
vegetables from my garden.
405
00:13:50,026 --> 00:13:54,434
What? Frank, that is
so thoughtful and sweet.
406
00:13:54,468 --> 00:13:58,142
And I might have snuck
some of Tiffany's snow peas
407
00:13:58,176 --> 00:13:59,646
and watermelon radishes
in there.
408
00:13:59,646 --> 00:14:00,814
Oh.
409
00:14:00,847 --> 00:14:03,051
How delightfully unexpected.
410
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:05,489
Did you pick them
from my plot?
411
00:14:05,524 --> 00:14:06,960
I certainly did.
412
00:14:08,597 --> 00:14:09,632
Oh.
413
00:14:09,666 --> 00:14:10,634
It's so nice.
414
00:14:10,668 --> 00:14:13,205
It's so specific.
415
00:14:13,205 --> 00:14:16,045
Rick, why aren't you doing
this kind of thing for me?
416
00:14:16,078 --> 00:14:17,180
Oh, you got me in trouble.
417
00:14:17,213 --> 00:14:18,482
Yeah, Rick, what the hell.
418
00:14:18,517 --> 00:14:19,586
So great.
419
00:14:19,619 --> 00:14:21,255
Um, if you'll excuse me
420
00:14:21,288 --> 00:14:24,127
I'm going to use
the ladies room.
421
00:14:24,161 --> 00:14:24,895
Ok.
422
00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:27,668
Isn't she great?
423
00:14:30,073 --> 00:14:31,375
Oh good,
you're still here.
424
00:14:31,408 --> 00:14:32,477
No, I'm not.
425
00:14:32,511 --> 00:14:33,680
You are, I see you.
426
00:14:33,713 --> 00:14:36,052
And I only have one more
little care package for you.
427
00:14:36,085 --> 00:14:38,222
Ok, if I open that
and it's a dead bird
428
00:14:38,222 --> 00:14:39,592
I'm... I'm gonna be so mad.
429
00:14:39,626 --> 00:14:40,326
Not a dead bird.
430
00:14:40,493 --> 00:14:41,128
It's an invoice
with all the receipts
431
00:14:41,495 --> 00:14:44,300
for little New Zealand lollies,
and the basket,
432
00:14:44,334 --> 00:14:46,640
the mileage from my trip
to Spokane
433
00:14:46,673 --> 00:14:48,476
to the specialty store
for you.
434
00:14:48,510 --> 00:14:50,680
You're seriously charging me
for your crush?
435
00:14:50,714 --> 00:14:51,516
You led me on.
436
00:14:51,716 --> 00:14:53,654
You're like a classic temptress
from Oceania.
437
00:14:53,687 --> 00:14:55,456
Ok. I did not lead you on.
438
00:14:55,489 --> 00:14:57,995
I have shown you nothing
but contempt and distain.
439
00:14:58,029 --> 00:14:58,764
I really don't...
440
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:00,266
- Playful contempt and distain.
- Playful?
441
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:01,101
And that is very confusing.
442
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:04,207
You have 30 days or interest
starts to accrue.
443
00:15:06,746 --> 00:15:07,413
Unless...
444
00:15:07,446 --> 00:15:08,482
- No.
- Ok.
445
00:15:08,517 --> 00:15:09,251
You know what?
446
00:15:09,484 --> 00:15:10,721
I only date women made
in America, anyway.
447
00:15:10,721 --> 00:15:11,622
Oh.
448
00:15:13,426 --> 00:15:14,294
No.
449
00:15:17,033 --> 00:15:17,868
You hear that?
450
00:15:18,035 --> 00:15:19,370
That's the sound of generational
wealth accruing.
451
00:15:23,246 --> 00:15:24,214
Ugh.
452
00:15:24,247 --> 00:15:26,285
The sawdust tastes
like bad mushrooms.
453
00:15:26,318 --> 00:15:27,588
Yeah. What?
454
00:15:27,621 --> 00:15:28,556
Gross.
455
00:15:29,659 --> 00:15:30,326
Oh, that's black mold.
456
00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:32,063
- Black what?
- That's black mold.
457
00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:32,965
That's black mold.
458
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:34,536
I'm not up on my molds
but is that worse than green?
459
00:15:34,536 --> 00:15:36,238
It might just be
that one little spot.
460
00:15:36,238 --> 00:15:37,240
It's fine, just open it up.
461
00:15:37,273 --> 00:15:38,577
- Open it up?
- Open it up!
462
00:15:38,577 --> 00:15:39,444
Ok.
463
00:15:46,024 --> 00:15:47,460
That seems bad.
464
00:15:47,493 --> 00:15:48,228
It's probably just the...
465
00:15:48,395 --> 00:15:50,333
That's probably
the end of it, right?
466
00:15:50,333 --> 00:15:51,502
Probably.
467
00:15:51,569 --> 00:15:52,671
Unless it goes down.
468
00:15:52,705 --> 00:15:53,973
No chance it goes down,
right?
469
00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,451
We gotta get out
of this house!
470
00:15:59,786 --> 00:16:01,188
We gotta get out
of this house!
471
00:16:01,522 --> 00:16:04,327
You don't think the whole
salad thing was weird,
472
00:16:04,361 --> 00:16:06,967
I mean, everybody cheered when
the guy did it on Instagram.
473
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,304
I'm just gonna say it,
I thought it was cute.
474
00:16:09,337 --> 00:16:12,276
So cute, right?
I mean, also very masculine.
475
00:16:12,310 --> 00:16:14,047
I think it might be good
to acknowledge
476
00:16:14,047 --> 00:16:15,183
that from Tiff's perspective
477
00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:17,454
it could have come off
as a bit invasive.
478
00:16:17,487 --> 00:16:20,093
Invasive?
Honey, excuse me, but what?
479
00:16:20,126 --> 00:16:22,163
Well, you know, he just stole
her veggies...
480
00:16:22,163 --> 00:16:26,071
Stole? It's a community garden.
Basically an open field.
481
00:16:26,104 --> 00:16:29,478
And if anything, her reaction
was a little nutty.
482
00:16:29,478 --> 00:16:30,346
I mean, running away
to the bathroom?
483
00:16:30,581 --> 00:16:33,052
I just think you could have used
your own vegetables,
484
00:16:33,085 --> 00:16:34,354
like simplified the gesture.
485
00:16:34,354 --> 00:16:37,360
No. No, no, no.
Mixing is what makes it special.
486
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:40,667
Two people from different plots
coming together
487
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,070
to form something new.
488
00:16:42,070 --> 00:16:43,472
Yes. Rick gets it.
489
00:16:43,507 --> 00:16:45,175
Ok. Shall we just leave it
at that?
490
00:16:45,209 --> 00:16:47,548
Just say it's a grey area,
even though I'm right.
491
00:16:49,017 --> 00:16:50,085
When do you think
she's coming back?
492
00:16:50,085 --> 00:16:51,155
She's gonna be back
in a second.
493
00:16:51,188 --> 00:16:52,423
She's been gone 10 minutes.
494
00:16:52,423 --> 00:16:53,091
Babe...
495
00:16:53,091 --> 00:16:53,893
What? She has.
496
00:16:54,093 --> 00:16:55,598
Emily, I think you're right.
She ghosted me.
497
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,500
At the very least she's sitting
in a bathroom stall
498
00:16:57,534 --> 00:16:59,104
trying to figure out
how to ghost me.
499
00:16:59,104 --> 00:17:00,139
No, I... I didn't say that.
500
00:17:00,173 --> 00:17:01,141
That's quite a leap, pal.
501
00:17:01,408 --> 00:17:03,279
I mean, we'd see her if she
left, we're right by the door.
502
00:17:03,312 --> 00:17:04,649
The bathroom has a window.
503
00:17:04,682 --> 00:17:05,483
Honey, you're killing him.
504
00:17:05,717 --> 00:17:07,588
You're not texting Tiffany
right now, are you?
505
00:17:07,621 --> 00:17:12,097
I just want to let her know
that it is not ok.
506
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:13,432
You're typing pretty hard
over there, buddy.
507
00:17:13,465 --> 00:17:14,467
Want a second set of eyes
on that?
508
00:17:14,668 --> 00:17:17,474
No, I'm just letting it roll,
don't wanna overthink it.
509
00:17:17,508 --> 00:17:21,616
All caps, exclamation point,
exclamation point, send.
510
00:17:22,985 --> 00:17:24,622
Sorry, one of my clients
called me.
511
00:17:24,655 --> 00:17:26,526
Um... did you text me?
512
00:17:26,559 --> 00:17:27,360
No.
513
00:17:27,393 --> 00:17:30,300
Uh... you know, I just um...
514
00:17:30,333 --> 00:17:32,404
my phone's unlocked and I kinda
move my finger on it
515
00:17:32,437 --> 00:17:34,408
and it just spells words.
516
00:17:34,441 --> 00:17:36,713
My snow peas are as hollow
of flavor
517
00:17:36,746 --> 00:17:38,583
as I am of good character?
518
00:17:38,583 --> 00:17:39,619
Oh, dear.
519
00:17:39,652 --> 00:17:40,588
Yeah.
520
00:17:40,621 --> 00:17:42,557
Yeah, I'm gonna go.
521
00:17:43,793 --> 00:17:46,398
Oh. Uh... ok.
522
00:17:50,741 --> 00:17:54,113
Oh, yeah.
Uh, thumbs down.
523
00:17:54,113 --> 00:17:56,653
Wanna skip to dessert?
I'll order three bourbons.
524
00:17:56,686 --> 00:17:57,754
Do you guys want anything?
525
00:18:02,329 --> 00:18:03,633
What can I do for you,
Templeton?
526
00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:05,637
Nice try, I know you sent
the email.
527
00:18:05,670 --> 00:18:06,639
What email?
528
00:18:06,906 --> 00:18:09,111
Don't play dumb, the one from
the Royal Highlander Quartet
529
00:18:09,177 --> 00:18:10,379
inviting me to audition?
530
00:18:10,413 --> 00:18:11,448
I don't even know what that is.
531
00:18:11,448 --> 00:18:13,118
Come on, you sent me
a fake email
532
00:18:13,152 --> 00:18:15,223
from the preeminent
bagpiper ensemble
533
00:18:15,256 --> 00:18:16,192
in the Pacific Northwest
534
00:18:16,458 --> 00:18:19,130
'cause you know I wanna be taken
seriously as a bagger.
535
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:20,032
Well, this might surprise you
536
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,136
but I didn't even know
that you play the bagpipes.
537
00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,339
Really?
So you don't remember me
538
00:18:23,372 --> 00:18:25,276
in a tartan kilt
at the cougar funeral
539
00:18:25,310 --> 00:18:27,313
playing Tears in Heaven,
or at the wake
540
00:18:27,346 --> 00:18:29,652
when I brought the house down
with Sexual Healing?
541
00:18:29,685 --> 00:18:30,520
Nope.
542
00:18:31,455 --> 00:18:32,357
Huh.
543
00:18:33,025 --> 00:18:34,361
Maybe you didn't send
that email.
544
00:18:34,394 --> 00:18:36,264
No, I didn't send it.
545
00:18:36,298 --> 00:18:37,100
Ok. Thank you.
546
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:39,371
I'm gonna go now and if you try
and call me back
547
00:18:39,404 --> 00:18:40,273
and it doesn't go through
548
00:18:40,406 --> 00:18:42,678
that's because I blocked you
forever, ok? Bye.
549
00:19:00,479 --> 00:19:02,585
Excuse me?
Can I help you?
550
00:19:02,618 --> 00:19:04,689
I'm here for the Royal
Highlander Quartet audition.
551
00:19:04,722 --> 00:19:07,895
Auditorium's this way, right?
Hydrated, ready to blow pipe.
552
00:19:16,813 --> 00:19:17,715
That's him!
553
00:19:17,915 --> 00:19:20,453
That's the creepy old man
pretending to be a student
554
00:19:20,486 --> 00:19:21,756
- Oh geez.
- ...at this school!
555
00:19:21,789 --> 00:19:22,223
No.
556
00:19:22,356 --> 00:19:23,793
He's probably a pervert!
557
00:19:23,827 --> 00:19:25,329
Oh no, no, no.
558
00:19:25,362 --> 00:19:29,838
I'm...
I'm an animal control officer.
559
00:19:29,872 --> 00:19:32,611
That blows pipe.
Uh, bagpipe.
560
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:47,875
Frank?
561
00:19:47,908 --> 00:19:48,677
Yeah.
562
00:19:48,844 --> 00:19:50,413
What're you doing in
the grooming hammock
563
00:19:50,446 --> 00:19:51,314
with the lights off?
564
00:19:51,582 --> 00:19:54,689
Good for my back and the lights
are on a motion sensor.
565
00:19:54,755 --> 00:19:58,295
So, was justice served?
566
00:19:58,328 --> 00:19:59,263
I don't know, you tell me.
567
00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:01,569
That's the creepy old man
pretending to be a student
568
00:20:01,569 --> 00:20:03,940
at this school!
He's probably a pervert!
569
00:20:06,244 --> 00:20:07,314
That's good.
570
00:20:07,882 --> 00:20:12,524
I uh, buried a panini press
behind the building.
571
00:20:12,558 --> 00:20:15,864
It was a short and touching
service so thank you for that.
572
00:20:15,898 --> 00:20:16,666
How was your date?
573
00:20:16,866 --> 00:20:19,538
Crushed it.
This is my celebratory dangle.
574
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,644
It was one of those dates
where the starter salad
575
00:20:22,677 --> 00:20:25,449
turns into a "I never wanna see
you again " salad.
576
00:20:25,483 --> 00:20:27,588
Oh, that's rough.
577
00:20:27,621 --> 00:20:28,388
Yeah.
578
00:20:28,422 --> 00:20:29,357
But I'm in no place to judge.
579
00:20:29,658 --> 00:20:32,063
I actually thought I might have
a super sexy secret admirer
580
00:20:32,096 --> 00:20:34,635
but instead I got Templeton.
581
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:38,776
Love, like cornhole, is a game
I'll never understand.
582
00:20:42,651 --> 00:20:43,786
What was that?
583
00:20:43,820 --> 00:20:46,726
That's the water delivery guy.
He's so hot.
584
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:50,332
I needed a palate cleanser.
He still thinks it's my birthday
585
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:52,136
and I told him to pick me up
after his shift.
586
00:20:52,170 --> 00:20:55,309
Oh, well he brought the delivery
truck so I hope he takes you
587
00:20:55,343 --> 00:20:57,914
to the most romantic
distribution center in town.
588
00:20:59,852 --> 00:21:00,787
Goodnight, Frank.
589
00:21:03,526 --> 00:21:04,795
Can you give me a push?
590
00:21:06,365 --> 00:21:10,373
Hi. I recently made a purchase
I'd like to return.
591
00:21:10,406 --> 00:21:13,078
Well, I know you're a realtor,
that's why I called.
592
00:21:14,615 --> 00:21:15,550
Hello?
593
00:21:16,385 --> 00:21:17,755
It's no use, buddy.
594
00:21:17,755 --> 00:21:19,925
These closing docs
are rock solid.
595
00:21:19,958 --> 00:21:21,027
I'm still in if you are.
596
00:21:21,061 --> 00:21:21,796
Oh, I'm still in.
597
00:21:22,029 --> 00:21:22,764
Because legally neither of us
can walk away.
598
00:21:23,231 --> 00:21:27,942
Yeah, that's what I found
in my due diligence, as well.
599
00:21:27,975 --> 00:21:30,613
So, what's our next move?
600
00:21:34,555 --> 00:21:37,828
I'll do it, but now it's double
the price.
601
00:21:37,861 --> 00:21:39,030
When can you start?
42309
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