All language subtitles for murphy_brown_s09e21_how_to_marry_a_billionaire

And thanks to a simple, inexpensive test
performed in his doctor's office,

crossing guard Bob Buford is alive today
and able to hug those precious

grandchildren of his.

Jim? Thank you, Corky. That was most
informative.

Makes me think perhaps I should take a
trip to the doctor myself.

Really, Jim? Are you experiencing any
tenderness or swelling?

Well, I... Do you find yourself getting
up a lot in the middle of the night? Oh,

I really don't think... Are you
experiencing any discomfort when you,

do your business?

Thank you, Corky.

Coming up in his first ever televised
interview, billionaire and media mogul

Duncan Briggs speaks to our own Murphy
Brown. We'll be back in a moment.

And we're into commercial.

I liked it better when she did stories
about puppies and pie -eating contests.

So where the hell is Briggs, I swear, if
he decided to pull out of this thing?

Now, don't worry, Murphy. He's here.

How do you know? Did you see him
yourself?

No, I sensed a disturbance in the
forest.

So am I, Scott. He's in makeup.

I can't wait to get a look at him. I
hear he's one of the handsomest

billionaires in the world.

Then again, the only other billionaires
I know are Ross Perot and Bill Gates, so

he still might be one big old geek.

Well, as far as I'm concerned, as a
billionaire, he's gorgeous.

As a millionaire, he'd be pretty cute.

But even if you were flat broke, he'd
still be worth a tumble in the backseat

my Aerostar.

I'll let you explain, Mr. Briggs.

We'll be, uh... Right over here.

Oh, by the way, if you're looking for a
CEO for one of your companies, this

stage manager thing is just sort of a
part -time gig.

I don't know about CEO, but didn't the
foreman of our plutonium factory get

vaporized last week?

Send us a resume.

Mr. Briggs, welcome to FYI. I'm Kate
Carter -Shepley, executive producer.

And this is Murphy Brown, of course. Hi.
Nice to finally meet you. Thank you for

agreeing to this interview. Well, I
didn't have much choice, did I? You made

such a pest of yourself, my entire board
of directors are afraid to answer their

telephones. And Williams here cried
himself to sleep like a tiny baby,

you, Williams?

I'm emotional that way, sir.

30 seconds, people.

My jersey right there. Oh, okay. Now,
look, I'm new to this game, so how does

work? Oh, well, it's pretty basic,
really. I'll ask you a few questions.

spill your guts out, say things you'll
regret. We'll have a good time.

You really think you're going to get me
to say things I don't want to?

Hmm. Are you okay to make a small wage
on that? Like, say, a dollar?

Have we got a dollar?

I could go to the bank, sir.

All right.

Places, people.

We're back in five, four, three, two.

Welcome back. With me is Duncan Briggs.
If you use a computer, watch television,

go to the movies, then you have helped
to make this notoriously private

entrepreneur one of the wealthiest and
most powerful men in the world today.

Mr. Briggs, welcome.

Thank you, Murphy, but your introduction
makes our little company sound so

sinister. The truth is we simply
stumbled into a growing market at just

right time. Is that so? Oh, absolutely.

If you look at it, we are just a mom
-and -pop operation.

Uh -huh.

If mom and pop were bloodthirsty
corporate raiders whose pastime was

Fortune 500 companies and sucking them
dry.

Oh, so you've met my parents.

All right, let's get down to it.

Rumor has it that your company is
planning a series of hostile takeovers

would make you one of the largest
suppliers of fiber optic cable to

China. Oh, I don't think Americans...

I'm particularly entertained by some
boring business deal.

Besides, any comment at this juncture
could mean the loss of millions of

for my shareholders.

Aren't you the majority shareholder? Now
you see my concern.

But look here, I didn't come here to
talk about some alleged takeover. I came

here to talk about something really,
truly newsworthy.

Something that could affect the lives of
hundreds of thousands of people every

year. I'm referring, of course, to...
Rumors of layoffs in your American

semiconductor factories. No, I'm talking
about the world's first virtual reality

theme park.

Oh, well, that's very interesting. It's
currently under construction in

Minnesota, and it's going to be totally
unlike anything anybody has ever seen

before. Let me tell you something about
the amazing... ...through space to the

farthest reaches of the galaxy.

When in reality, they're having the
quarters sucked out of their pockets and

watching an overblown version of Donkey
Kong.

But I don't think we'll be putting that
in our brochure.

Let's get back to the takeover. Is it or
is it not going to happen?

You're not going to let up on that, are
you? Nope, not until I get an answer.

All right, fine.

I'll answer your question if you answer
mine.

All right, whatever.

Now, what's the answer?

The answer is yes.

That takeover is in the works. Well, it
was until I answered that question.

Really? So then that would mean that...
My turn.

All right, what's your question?

Will you marry me?

What? Will you marry me?

Oh, ha -ha, that's very funny.

Anyway, about those... You haven't given
me an answer.

Marry you.

Well, actually, I was saving myself for
a trillionaire.

Give me a couple of months.

Well, I would love to continue this
discussion, but we're out of time.

Duncan, thank you for joining us, and
back to you, Jim.

Thank you, Murphy. From all of us here
at FYI, good night.

And we're clear.

You were right, Murphy. That was really
fun. And you will think about my

question, won't you? Oh, you bet.

Oh, look, I've got to be getting off to
China.

Think of it.

There's over a billion of them.

They all want their MTV.

Right, Williams?

They may be a sleeping giant, but they
do love their beavers and butthead.

For the record, Slugger, I just want you
to know that I was totally opposed to

all this tomfoolery. Thank you, Jim.

It was my idea to get you these
monogrammed towels.

M -B -B?

Murphy Brown Briggs. Get it? Your
married name?

Oh,

no one gets my humor.

Well, you're all chipping in for thee.

So, Murph, what are you going to be
doing about this Briggs proposal?

you know, I'm a little strapped for
cash, and I was... Maybe borrowing a

hundred million, you know, just to tide
me over until Tuesday.

Yeah, Murphy, maybe you should
reconsider.

After all, it's not every day you get a
marriage proposal from a billionaire.

Heck, at your age, if you got a proposal
from that window washer who always

smells like salami, I'd tell you to
start picking out a china pattern.

And here I was thinking no one could top
Jim's side -splitting monogram towel

bit. Why don't you leave the jokes to
the masters of the genre like me and

Duncan Briggs? Did I show you what he
had someone deliver to my house by limo

this morning?

The guy's a stick. Oh, my God. Look at
this ring.

Do you think those are real diamonds?

Well, of course they're not real.

Actually, Murphy, they are.

In fact...

I'd say you've got a total of 8 .3
carats here consisting of six stones

from VS to BVS in clarity.

Ideal cut, origin, South Africa.

It's a hobby.

So you're saying that this is real?

Are you sure it doesn't squirt or
anything?

I don't think this is a gag.

If it is, it's an awfully expensive one.

Well, yeah, I mean, he's a billionaire.
It's billionaire humor.

I don't know, like leaving a flaming bag
of foie gras on someone's doorstep or

something.

Hi, sorry I'm late. I've been fielding
calls about last night's show. All dying

to know if Murphy's going to marry Brig.

Oh, no, don't tell me you bought into
this whole thing, too.

Look, all I know is this guy's made
himself vulnerable.

And if you're going to turn down his
proposal, you have to realize you're

to break his spirit, destroy his will to
live, just rip his heart out and stomp

all over it. So please, if you're going
to do all of that, then please, please

do it live on next week's show.

I tell you, it's going to be bigger than
Ruth.

Look, you people have got this all
wrong. This marriage proposal thing

serious. It's a joke.

Excuse me, Ms. Brown.

Hey, Williams, you want to hear
something funny? My friends here think

is serious about this whole proposal.
Isn't that the funniest thing you ever

heard? So listen, oh, tell him, too,
that the ring gag is a classic, really.

if he wants to get my goat, there's this
little Greek island I've had my eye on.

Mr. Briggs is quite serious, and please
don't touch me again.

Oh, I get it. This is part of the joke.
It's like a prank. The guy's really a

cutoff, isn't he? I'm afraid not.

I'm not the person Mr. Briggs sends out
on pranks, and it actually hurts because

I happen to be a very funny guy.

What are you saying, that your boss
really wants to marry me?

Yes, go figure.

Anyway, may I have your answer, please?

My answer?

Well, I mean, if the question is, do I
want to have dinner or go to see a

or does he want to take me in his
private jet to Florence for a cup of

sure, I'd love to, but to marry him, no.
I mean, I don't even know the guy.

I understand that. I brought you this
video biography.

Please take ten minutes and view it in
your office.

I'm not going to do that. Is he crazy?

Yes, he's crazy.

He's crazy about you.

He also happens to be a very busy guy
with no time for movies or dinners.

In any event, may I please have your
answer? I've got a number of other deals

close for Mr. Briggs this morning. Wait
a minute. Is that how he sees me? As a

business deal? As an acquisition to his
portfolio?

Well, you can tell your boss. You can
just forget it.

So, the answer is no?

Yes, that's right. The answer is no.

Well, thank you very much, Ms. Brown.
You've been very kind, and you may keep

the ring.

Oh, really?

No. I told you I was a funny guy.

Hey, Murph.

Hey, Frank.

So tell me, any more gifts from that
billionaire boyfriend of yours?

Well, I got a free sample of hair
conditioner in the mail, so either he's

up or he's pulling way, way back.

So you haven't heard from him at all,
huh?

No, and why would I? Well, it's a little
flunky that I'm not some trophy that

Briggs could put on his mantle.

Well, you definitely did the right
thing, but I mean, come on, you've got

admit, you're at least a little tempted,
right?

What? No! Oh, come on. A proposal from a
billionaire?

Don't tell me you didn't at least think
about marrying the guy. I mean, heck,

even I thought about marrying him.

Great. Then go for it, Frank. Maybe you
can get him on the rebound.

No, no, no.

You're wrong. It's just that $1 billion.

That is a lot of money. I mean, I can't
even comprehend how much that is. Can

you? I don't know. It's a lot. Come on.

Let's try to visualize it. Wait a
minute.

Okay, right. Here's a dollar, right?

Now, if we had a billion of these, and
we stacked them one on top of each

how high do you think that would be?

Let's see, that is probably, what, let's
say $100 in an inch, huh?

So, let's see, how many inches are there
in a mile?

Well, let's see, that's 5 ,280 feet. All
right, Frank, what's your point?

It's a lot.

It's a lot? I mean, so what for all the
good it's doing belonging to a jerk like

Briggs? Look, he definitely handled that
whole proposal thing all wrong. But I

mean, how bad can a guy be? I mean,
look, he's building a children's

He supports the arts.

He's a sponsor for a literacy program.

And he's donated, what, $5 million to
protect endangered species? It was $10

million.

And he's kind of cute.

Kind of cute? He's cute as a button.

What did you call him, Murph? What did
he say?

Oh, I don't know.

What's to know? Just call the guy.

Why are you pushing?

I'm not pushing. Me pushing?

I just want to see you happy.

Here, use my cell phone.

Is that a new Rolex?

Oh, no, no. This is just some $10
knockoff I got from somebody on the

Really? Let me see it.

Okay.

I don't know why you want to see some
crappy old watch.

Yeah, you're right. This is pretty
crappy. I bet this thing would fall

the drop of a hat.

Well,

I don't believe this.

How bad can he be? Why don't you give
him a call? You sold me out, you little

weasel, and for a watch. Now, that's not
true.

He also promised me I'd be featured in
TV Guide. What?

Hi, guys.

What's going on? I'll tell you what's
going on.

Frank just pulled me out to Briggs.
That's what's going on.

Really? I'm appalled.

Yeah, tell me. He's actually trying to
get me to reconsider.

I understand what you're saying, Murphy.

Although, how bad could the guy really
be?

Indeed. Perhaps we should give him a
call.

Here, why don't you use Frank's cell
phone?

Look at that.

Look at those new cufflinks, Jim.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I've never seen that pearl necklace
before.

Oh, this old thing?

Grammy Sherwood gave it to me. She
stopped wearing it because it threw her

balance. She kept telling me, head first
over walker.

Wire, wire, wire.

All right, fine.

But in our defense, we only said we'd
put in a good word.

We never told him we'd push you into
getting married.

Although, should you decide to tie the
knot, he did say there's a cream

Bentley in it for me. Really?

Mine's going to be pink.

Murphy, so there you are.

How's it going? Have my minions worked
their magic?

I've got to tell you, Briggs, you are a
real piece of work. Did you actually

think you could win me over by buying me
expensive jewelry and bribing my

friends? No, I thought jewelry alone
would have done the trick.

I guess I ought to apologize.

It's clear that I've been rushing this
whole thing, and I can see that makes

uncomfortable. So let me be totally
honest with you.

While I met you at FYI, I saw, for the
first time, a woman who approaches life

the same way I do.

A woman who's passionate, outspoken,
fearless, a soulmate.

But I suppose in my excitement of making
you part of my life, I maybe went a

little fast.

And for that, well, I'm truly sorry.

Well, that may be the first genuine
thing I've heard you say since we met.

You liked it, huh?

So, do you want to get hitched? Oh,
Greg, I don't even know you. Didn't you

watch the video, too?

I did, Briggs, and I found it very
inspirational. Shut up, Frank. I told

Briggs, I am not marrying you. Okay,
look, I understand.

Obviously, there's somebody else. I'll
just step aside.

No, there is no one else.

Then what's the damn deal? I'm a
billionaire.

I'm not for sale.

Goodbye, Briggs.

Look, you just throw a few jet skis my
way, I think I could change your mind.

Williams, just hand over the watch.

Kay said you wanted to lead with your
story on tomorrow night's show, but I

think my Russian mafia piece would make
a much more timely opener.

Well, gee, Frank, I guess if you feel
that strongly about it, there's nothing

can do.

Except, you know, offer you this free
watch.

It's not as expensive as the watches you
usually sell out for, but look, it has

that cool indigo thing.

Man, look, how many times do I have to
say it? I'm sorry, and I promise I will

never let my greed and ego get away from
me again.

Frank, the new TV guys just came in.
Really? Am I in a... Ah,

here it is.

Frank Fontana.

Not just a pretty face.

He's also a pretty rotten reporter.

What the hell is this?

You're right, fat stabber. Oh, man, you
know, I don't believe this. Murphy dumps

the guy, he takes it out on me?

Hey, Kate, Kate, did you see what Briggs
did to me?

Yeah, but he's doing some bad things,
too.

What are you talking about, kid? Well,
for openers, his network is going to

start counter -programming the bejesus
out of FYI beginning next week.

What? Oh, come on, guys. We can't let
this rattle us.

FYI's beaten everything they've thrown
against us in the last 20 years. How

special could this be? Well, you know
ER. You know the Super Bowl.

It'll sort of be a combination of those
two with a special appearance by

Madonna. What? A material girl?

Stan, what are you doing here?

Well, I have some good news and I have
some bad news.

Murphy, you know how you always said you
like to try working for another

network? What? I never said that.

Well, then I only have bad news.

I sold your contract to Duncan Briggs.

What? You can't do that.

I had to. Briggs was playing hardball.
Have you seen the new TV guide?

Yeah. Did you see the article they did
about me, Stan?

But this is serious.

Have you seen the listings of our
network?

No. Exactly. The rich freak yanked them
out. You know what this means?

We are not listed in TV Guide.

We might as well change the slogan of
our network from Welcome Home to Where

Hell Are We?

This is nuts, and it can't be legal. I'm
not working for Briggs.

And you don't have to.

I thought this through.

You'll take Briggs to court.

Sure, it'll take years for the case to
get settled, and you'll be enjoined from

working for anybody else in the
meantime.

What? You could get lucky and end up
with a judge who can't be bought by a

billionaire.

Stan, I'm not going to put up with this.
This is wrong. I mean ruining Murphy's

life. Sure, that's just good, clean fun.

But you can't take her off the show. FYI
needs her.

Well, I've had it. I'm going to deal
with Fridge right now. Good idea. I'm

with her.

What a week!

First, we lose Murphy.

Then FYI has to go up against that ER
Super Bowl special Madonna thing.

And then Fontana here gets voted as TV's
most invisible journalist by

Entertainment Weekly.

What? Oh, man, I didn't know Briggs
owned Entertainment Weekly, too. He

From the producer of Shrek and Shrek.

The final papers on the fiber optic
dealer at the printers. The campaign to

exact revenge on Murphy Brown has begun.

Your pants are back from the dry
cleaners. Wait, what?

The dry cleaners. No, before that,
Matthew Brown.

Ah, yes, her contract has been bought,
and we're expecting her to respond

shortly. All right, Briggs. Nice work,
William. Sometimes I surprise even

myself, sir. Let me guess.

I've worn your defenses down, I've
gotten you to see the light, and you are

finally ready to become my bride after
all.

All right, you listen to me and listen
good. I am not leaving FYI, I am not

working for your network, and I am
not... I repeat, not going to marry you

Have you got that?

I see.

Well, all right.

I understand why I went wrong now.

Pestering you, threatening you, buying
out your contract.

Why did I think any of that would win
your heart?

Well, it's about time. I should have
just offered you cash.

You know how much it's going to take,
Matthew?

What?

This is crazy.

You're just wasting your time.

Are those all thousands?

All right, stop it.

Stop it now.

This is all wrong. She'd only be
marrying you for your money, and that

works. Believe me, I've done it, and it
was a disaster. I fail to see what

bearing is that. I'm not finished. Let
me tell you what I think, Briggs. I

you are a pathetic little child who
thinks he can buy and sell people.

Well, Murphy Brown will never marry you,
and all your billions will never change

that. Yeah. You mean that's it?

It's all over? It's all over.

Wow.

Well, I guess I'd just better accept it.
Murphy Brown will never marry me.

How about you? Do you want to get
hitched?

Okay. Great.

What? You just told me what a disaster
it was to marry for money. Are you

Yeah, I've never married for this much
money. Maybe that was the problem.

Could I get a bag for this? Oh, you bet.

Say, you can't marry him.

I'll have this money in my Cayman
Islands account for within ten miles of

altar. Ready, Kay?

It is Kay, right?

Kay, Sherry, Susie, Bambi, Brandy,
Tammy, Tiffany, whatever you like to

Is it just me, or is the sexual tension
in here so thick you could cut it with a

knife?

Come on, Kay, tell us. You and Briggs,
how was it?

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

So he made you give everything back?

Afraid so. How was it?

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

So he made you give everything back?

Afraid so.

Wow. Didn't let you keep a ring or some
money?

Nothing? Well, there was one little
thing I was able to sneak out.

Hello, madam.

I've done your grocery shopping, dropped
off your film, and now I'm headed home

to hand launder your fine washable.

Just make sure dinner's on the table by
seven, and I mean seven.

Yes, madam.

Will someone please shoot me?