All language subtitles for murphy_brown_s09e08_defending_your_life

Hey, Dan, what you doing?

Oh, just drafting a memo.

To Dan, rather, from Jim Dial.

Regarding FYI, anchoring tonight's
election coverage instead of you.

Dear Dan, you are politely requested
to... eat my shorts.

I'm just glad I'm not on that stupid
campaign headquarters beat. The worst

in 84 when Mondale was in complete
denial about losing.

Around 2 a .m., he actually claimed
victory and started handing out cabinet

posts. For a while there, I was
secretary of the interior.

I have to hand this case. He really came
through this time. I'll say. No one has

ever done this for us. I mean, Miles was
here for what, eight years? And the guy

really worked his way into our house.

Life is good. We finally get to anchor
the election. I finished editing my

for next week's show. And this morning I
went to vote. It turns out my polling

place was a Mexican restaurant. So I got
to participate in the democratic

process and scarfed out a delicious
breakfast burrito.

Yes, it's quite a country, isn't it? And
the best part of the day is still

ahead. This afternoon I'm being honored
by the National Association of

Journalism Students who have proclaimed
little old me the most influential

journalist of the 20th century.

Really? You?

I know, it's a tad premature, but what
are the odds? that Stone Phillips is

going to knock me off my horse in the
next four years. Special delivery from

network. And now a stranger's giving me
fruit. This day just keeps getting

better and better.

Aren't you going to read the card,
Murphy?

Well, what's the point? They all say the
same thing. You're the best. Couldn't

do the show without you. Yada, yada,
yada.

Oh, and here's the best part. You can
sell back the basket.

Good morning, everyone.

Good morning, Kay.

Are you Kay Carter Sheffley? Yes, why?

That lady stole your fruit basket.

It's from the network.

You're the best. Couldn't do the show
without you. Yada, yada, yada.

Ah, don't you just love fruit, Murphy?

Please, since when did she achieve
basket status?

Look, I know we've all had our problems
with Kate, but you better admit she's

doing a pretty good job.

Yeah, Murphy, you really should give her
some credit.

Credit? Since when does that glory hand
deserve any more credit? Look at her

there, hogging the spotlight. She's
shameless.

Okay, people, everybody help yourselves
to some fruit.

And then I want you all down at the
studio for a run -through at four.

Run -through? We never needed a run
-through before.

Uh -huh, and you never anchored the
election before.

Coincidence? You be the judge.

Oh, you're just so proud you got us this
anchor spot.

Well, you know, Murphy, I did my best to
be ashamed, but I'm having the darndest

time trying to wipe this big grin off my
face.

See? It's still there.

Oh, please. So you think this is all
you're doing?

You didn't get us anything that our 20
years of experience didn't already earn

us. Am I right, guys?

Not really.

You know what?

You're right.

FYI, I would be nothing without Kay,
which is why her esteemed colleagues

named her the most influential
journalist of the 20th century.

Oh, no, wait. That's me.

have a fruit basket to choose anybody,
you've got to earn it. Am I right? Yeah,

you're right. You're absolutely right.

Righty, right, right, right?

This building's really quiet. You'd
think in the middle of a school day it

be more crowded.

I really don't use this old building to
hold many classes anymore.

Right? Not many classes.

You do look familiar.

Well, actually, I was your secretary
back in 1987.

Remember, I sweat all over your Rolodex
and smeared your phone numbers?

I was your secretary, too.

You had that interview with Hillary
Clinton, and I slipped a whoopee cushion

under your seat.

So you were both my secretaries, huh?
Well, there's a coincidence for you.

Actually, Ms. Brown, it's no
coincidence.

Robert, you were one of my secretaries,
too. Wow.

What's going on here?

What's going on here, Ms. Brown, is that
we, your former secretaries, have

decided to bring to an end your brutal
reign of terror.

What? What are you talking about?

I'm talking about recovery, Ms. Brown.

We are your secretaries, and we're here
to help you.

of Murphy Brown's tyranny have gathered
here today to confront you with evidence

of your misdeeds and to make sure you
never abuse another secretary again.

Wait a minute. Are you telling me I
fired all you people? It's not possible.

Actually, this is just our East Coast
organization.

Victims of Murphy Brown West will be
phoning in and sending email via our

website.

I get it. This is one of those wacky
college hazing rituals.

Very, very good.

Where's my plaque?

This is no joke, Miss Brown. This is a
support group.

And since I'm the one who's been treated
the longest for PMDS, post -Murphy

-Brown syndrome, I will be leading
today's intervention.

You? Yes, me. Why not me? You think I
can't handle the pressure?

Because I... No, she can't hurt me now.

I am the master of my destiny.

Okay.

Shall we begin?

No, you can't just keep me here. Do you
know what this is?

This is kidnapping.

Well, if you'd like to leave, you're
empowered to do so. Oh.

Oh, great.

Sayonara, losers.

That is, you can get past the kind of
crusher.

I am the demon of doors, the ogre of
egress, the pit bull of passageway.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the sultan of
standing in front of things.

Look, Robert, this is a terrific idea,
but unfortunately, I'm anchoring the

election tonight, and there's a very
important run -through I have to get to.

So, um, what do you say we put this off
to, uh, Friday? How's Friday for

everyone? Please, Ms. Brown, how stupid
do you think we are?

Uh, I've got a dentist appointment
Friday, but Saturday would be fine.

What do I have to do to get out of here?

You simply have to acknowledge your
dysfunctional behavior to the group.

Oh, is that all? Well, I do. I really
do. You crackpots have really shown me

light. Bye now. Yay, we did it. Good
job, everybody.

I'm afraid you're going to have to do
better than that, Ms. Brown.

Oh, all right. Let's just get on with
it. Okay.

Let's begin with the testimonials, shall
we?

Why don't we start with this side of the
room?

I work for Ms. Brown, and I did
everything humanly possible to be a good

secretary, but it didn't matter. She
fired me anyway.

Oh, come on. I don't even remember this
guy.

I don't even remember this guy.

Oh, I remember now. All he did was mimic
me. All he did was mimic me.

Thank you, Secretary 364. You can sit
down.

Wait a minute. He was talking. How come
you didn't mimic him? Wait a minute. He

was talking. Why didn't you mimic him?

Robert, this is ridiculous. It doesn't
prove anything.

Oh, yes?

Well, if it's proof you want. We were
going to save this for later, but, uh,

Secretary 191.

I worked for Murphy Brown on September
the 11th, 1989.

Well, I believe the tape speaks for
itself.

Tape? What tape?

Oh, boy!

My first day at FYI working for the
world's most wonderful, unbelievable

person, Murphy Brown.

I'm getting the whole thing on tape.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, here she comes.

Hi, I'm Murphy Brown, and why are you
videotaping me? She's talking to me.

actually talking to me.

Oh, wow, there's the phone.

Um, are you going to get there?

Oh, this could be anyone. A senator, a
prime minister, maybe even President

George Herbert Walker Bush.

Oh, well, I guess they'll call back.

So, boss, how about saying something to
my future grandchildren?

Um, okay.

Stay in school, don't do drugs, and your
grandmother's fired.

Wow. I saw what just happened. You must
be really hurting. Would you like to

talk about it over, say, dinner at my
place?

Wow, you've really opened my eyes. I
can't believe I didn't see it before.

My hair looks much better short.

I can see you're deeply in the grip of
denial, Ms. Brown.

Fortunately, we have plenty of time.

All right, who's next?

Tis I, secretary number three score and
seven.

Me sick went down off the coast of
Virginia and I was forced to seek

ashore. Curse be the fates that brought
me to that infernal desk.

I had just left the barber feeling
really good about my new look.

Then she fired me.

I haven't been able to hold a job since.

Hi, Bob.

You want to go next?

Murphy fired me

for

This can't be happening.

No, this can't be happening.

This can't be happening.

Oh, thank God.

Kate, Kate, what day is it?

November 5th, election day. Why, is
something wrong?

Nope, nothing's wrong. Not anymore.

Murphy, by the way, I just want you to
know that I was totally wrong before.

You and you alone are the reason FYI got
the election coverage.

This fruit basket is rightfully yours.

Well, glad to hear you've come around.

I have.

I really have.

That's why I hired a juggler.

Hey, slugger.

Want to go scuba diving?

My gorilla is coming along.

What's going on?

Hey, Murphy, guess what?

for my final exam and I haven't studied
all semester.

Murphy. Oh, this is just great. The
network will freak. They'll take the

away from us and send it back to New
York. No, no. I think you underestimate

faith the network has in our abilities.
Just because Murphy is a few minutes

late does not mean they're going to pull
the plug on us. Okay, people. They're

going to pull the plug on us.

They can't do that. I'm anchoring this
coverage.

I'm sorry. I just overheard Kay on the
phone. Oh.

And this fax came for you. What?

To Jim Dial from Dan Rather regarding
FYI handing back... tonight's election

coverage. Dear Jim, who's eating whose
shorts now, loser boy?

All right, troops.

Let's get this run -through started.

What? We just heard the network was
going to bail on us. They were going to,

I told them Murphy was just trying to
prove some petty little point. They all

laughed knowingly, said, welcome to
hell, and agreed to leave things in my

hands. So, what do you say we get
started?

Yes. Carl, you want to sit in for
Murphy?

What on...

I'm in her seat.

It's everything I ever imagined.

Jim, why don't you kick things off by
introducing our piece on polling

Fine.

Ann. How accurate are the polls?

Murphy Brown has discovered that the oft
-heard margin of error is often not so

marginal. Murphy?

Percent.

I'm bringing you.

Thank you, Murphy. Next up, Frank
Fontana.

It's as if by inhabiting her space,
Murphy and I have become one.

As if we're two individuals with a
single spirit.

As if... Murphy's in trouble!

No. It was just lunch.

Murphy Brown ruined my life. Murphy
Brown ruined my life. She ruined my life

more. No, she ruined my life. No, she
ruined my life.

We need to stay focused on the issue at
hand, which is helping Murphy.

I was helping Murphy. No, I was helping
Murphy. I was helping him. I was helping

him.

Gee,

I hate to miss even a minute of these
riveting testimonials, but do you think

could go to the bathroom?

Do you think I could go to the bathroom?

Now, now, let's be civil.

All right, Miss Brown, you can go, but
you'll have to be escorted by the head

our security committee.

Come on, you, and no funny stuff.

I'd like to use this little break to
announce that those of you going on next

month's cruise to Bermuda need to get
your deposits in by the 15th.

You know what? I can handle it,

Peter. They told me not to let you out
of my sight.

Oh, come on. I think I can... They told
me not to let you out of my sight.

Oh, wait.

Wait. I remember you.

You do?

Yeah. Oh, I don't believe this.

You know what I used to call you?

I used to call you the one that got
away.

Really? Kind of got the feeling you
thought I was a freak.

What? Where would you get an idea like
that?

You called me a freak.

I wasn't serious. That was a joke. Boy,
you were great. Why did I ever let you

go? I set your chair on fire.

Is that all?

And I...

Sort of pulled the knife on that Frank
guy.

Oh, well, I'm sure he did something to
provoke you.

Not really.

Well, anyway, I'd love it if you came
back to work for me.

You mean it?

Oh, yeah. I mean, between my savvy and
your proficiency with edged weapons,

be an unstoppable team.

So, what do you say?

Well... Okay.

Great. Oh, uh... I should mention I'm
currently wanted in eight states.

Oh, good for you. Just give me a hand
here.

Halt! We will not stand for this. It is
forbidden.

You, back to the meeting.

You have disappointed us all.

All right, Miss Brown, let's go.

Wait a minute.

I remember you.

You know what I used to call you?

The one that got away.

Okay, if everyone is ready, we'll begin
our role -playing exercise.

Hi, I'm Murphy Brown, and you must be my
new secretary.

Come on, what was wrong with that?

Oh, where to begin?

My new secretary, as if we were nothing
more than your personal possessions.

Must be. As if we could have no other
purpose in life.

All right, what would you like me to
say? Try this.

Welcome, friend.

You are a valuable addition to our team.

Welcome, friend. You are a valuable
addition to our team.

Good!

Okay, then he or she does something
crazy and I say what?

Make her walk the plank!

Don't you see? That's the very problem
right there. You just...

Take it from the top. What?

No, I'm not taking it from the top. I
don't have time for this. You people are

all lunatics.

No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait just a
minute.

I'm not waiting just a minute. You know,
I didn't fire you people because I have

a problem.

I fired you because you have a problem.

You, Hitler, you have trouble holding
down the job?

Stop looking like Hitler.

You sweaty guy. There's an invention
out. It's called antiperspirant. Use it.

You slow talker. Here's a job tip for
you. Talk faster.

Now, you listen to me. I don't have to
take this kind of abuse from somebody

like... Hey, you're right.

Thank you, Murphy Brown.

You've given me back my life.

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Don't you
see what she's doing? She's trying to

turn us all against each other.

Antiperspirant? I'll try it.

Maybe I won't have to sleep on that
giant sponge anymore.

Wait, stop. No, no, no. We can't give
in. We've got to be strong.

Strong must be strong.

The wench can't hurt you now.

I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

Excuse me, Miss Brown.

What was wrong with me?

Hmm? I mean, I got a job the day after
you fired me. And, well, I keep getting

promoted. So, why did you let me go?

Uh...

You know, you were the spitter.

No,

no, I wasn't the spitter.

Oh, you were the one who was afraid to
come out from underneath her desk.

No.

Do you want to wait class?

Did you put on that obscene puppet show?

So you didn't do anything illegal,
weird, or disgusting, and I fired you

giving you any chance whatsoever?

All right, three minutes, people.

Still no sign of Murphy.

All right, it's over.

John, get New York on the phone. We're
going to have to throw the coverage back

to Rather. Oh, no.

I'm sorry.

Corky, now you're going to do your
sidebar piece on why candidates prefer

ties over blue.

Frank, you'll be doing your phone
interview with Walter Mondale.

Oh, joy.

And Jim, you'll still be doing your
commentary, of course, but then I want

to say... No, no, no, please. Anything
but that.

Back to you, Dan.

Oh, poo.

I'm here. Oh, please.

It's about time.

Where the hell were you, Murph? Yeah,
you almost blew this for us. Oh, I can

explain. Listen, I was locked in a room
with all my old secretaries, and a

wrestler was blocking the door, and a
pirate. I tried to escape, but Hitler

caught me.

Honest. I'm here for you.

You don't believe me. I believe you,
Murphy, because for one fleeting moment,

was you.

Listen, congratulations,

Murphy. You proved your little point.
You are the star of FYI. That is what

wanted to hear, isn't it?

Well, yeah.

But it's been recently brought to my
attention that I occasionally judge

too quickly. And maybe I was wrong about
you, too.

Really? Wow.

And it was the wrestling Hitler who
brought you to this... amazing

Well, no, it wasn't the wrestling
Hitler. No, it wasn't a wrestling

was a wrestler and Hitler. Of course, it
wasn't a real Hitler. I tell you what,

I'll get you that Hitler guy's number.
He's not going to look like Hitler.

Hi,

I'm Murphy Brown, and you must be...
Welcome.

You are a valuable addition to our team.

Wait. My spidey sense tells me there's a
fax coming in. Oh, good for you.

Oh, what the hell?

You're fired.