All language subtitles for murphy_brown_s07e06_humboldt_iv_-_judgment_day

My love is strong, you see, I know
you'll never get tired of me.

Oh, baby. So old.

Oh, baby.

And now I'm gonna use every trick in the
book. I'll try my best to get your

hood.

Hey, baby. Take me, I'm yours.

Consideration in the category of
shameless self -promotion, the winner is

Fontana for the seventh day in a row.

Great job, Frank. And the airbrushed
chest hair is a really nice target.

Another ad.

Oh, Frank, this is really getting
pathetic. I told you I paid for those

weeks ago. It was too late to cancel
them.

Now that I'm not nominated, I just look
ridiculous.

Sure, now that you're not nominated.

Hey, taking back the speech was the best
piece of my career. It's not my fault

my name wasn't on the ballot.

Oh, right.

Somebody else screwed up and sent your
entry form to the electric company and a

check for $10 .11 to the Humboldt
Committee.

Give it up!

Frank. I am sorry, but I took a bullet
for that story.

And shouldn't this kind of stuff be
Miles' job anyway?

Oh, not this again.

Frank, do you have any idea the number
of things I am responsible for on a

basis? FYI, sales are long like a duck
on the water. But who's the little pair

of webbed feet below that have to keep
it all afloat? You are.

Damn right. So lay off. I'm paddling as
hard as I can.

You know, Frank, just because we have
these big fancy jobs doesn't mean we

fill out an entry form ourselves and get
to the right place.

Marky and I did it, and we both got
nominated.

Yeah, but you know, even if I had sent
my entry form to the electric company, I

bet I still would have been nominated,
because I am just that good.

Morning, all. Hey, Jim. You were at the
Humboldt meeting last night. Was there

any discussion about me?

Why, yes.

A rather lengthy one as to whether your
current media blitz would cheapen the

reputation of the Humboldts forever.

Half thought it would, while the other
half claimed you'd replaced Family

as their favorite morning chocolate.

Jim. I mean, did anyone say anything
about my request for a write -in

nomination? Oh, no.

Maybe there's still time to cancel those
Frank Fontana muffin baskets.

While we're on the subject of the cum
bolts, I'm pleased to announce that last

night yours truly was elected chairman
of the judging committee.

Can't do it. No way.

Come now.

You think finding people to judge is
easy? But Ted Koppel actually ran into a

ladies' room to avoid me.

But I didn't let that stop me.

I charged right in there.

And that's him and Cokie Roberts, too.

Well, don't you worry about me, Jim. I
do it every year. It's a great way to

spend a Sunday. You get to meet all your
peers, do the best this medium has to

offer, and you get a nifty little T
-shirt.

Not to mention our complimentary deli
spread.

So, Miles?

Gee, Jim. Jim, I'd love to help you out,
but I gotta... You know, Jeff Zucker

signed up to judge.

Yes. Producer of the Today Show and an
evening magazine. Yet he found the time.

Of course, he is a 28 -year -old
wunderkind. 29.

He had a birthday September 12th.

Put me down. Put me down. Little weenie.

No, Jim, you don't want me. Really, I'm
no good at judging things. When I get up

in the middle of the night with Avery
and we watch Star Search, I never pick

this folks' model to win.

Murphy, let me remind you of a little
story.

It's a story about a young, blonde,
female journalist and a man who stopped

from doing a potentially embarrassing
solo limbo at a certain inaugural ball.

Oh, no, Jim, not that story. You know I
hate that story. The year was 1980.

The mood was gay. The night was young.

And then someone requested the Tally Man
song.

Don't do this to me. Come, Mr. Tally
Man, Tally Meable Man. All right, all

right. I'll judge your stupid little
humbles. But this is fair warning. Those

-shirts better be 100 % cotton before I
walk.

Hey, Murphy. No.

Somebody really ought to knock that
Kuralt down a peg. He was about to park

30 -foot Winnebago of his in the fire
lane.

I mean, where am I supposed to park?

Guess what?

They've got me in informational
programming.

And what lane category did 29 -year -old
wunderkind Jeff Zucker get stuck in?

Best research.

You should have seen his face. He looked
at least 33.

That's great, Miles, but you should have
requested title sequences like I did.

The whole thing ought to take about 10
minutes tops.

ABC Evening News.

That's one.

Sixty minutes.

That's two.

That's me on my way to the Cap Center
Motown Festival while you guys are still

here judging.

Hey,

Murph. Murph.

What are you doing here, Frank? You're
not judging. The guy who did Taking Back

the Street does not take no for an
answer. I'm not giving up, Murph. Can I

your signature right here?

Frank, this is a petition to redo the
nominations in the category of

Achievement in Reporting.

That's my category. Why would I sign
this?

Because with me not nominated, even if
you win, you'll never know if you're the

real winner.

I can live with that.

Awards are just so important to you,
aren't they? Not a pretty sight of

Murphy Brown, title sequences. You might
want to give me my T -shirt now so it

doesn't slow me down on my way out.

Let's see. Murphy Brown.

Ah, here you are.

But not in title sequences. You've been
reassigned.

What? You're judging special
classification for outstanding

achievement.

Long form.

What? Oh, no. I didn't sign up for any
doc... We're judging together.

Get on over here. We've got hours ahead
of us. This is going to be so much fun.

Murphy, is this a hoot, us judging
together?

Now take your seat right on the end next
to me. Oh, great. That way when the

teacher's not looking, we can pass each
other notes. And mine will say, I've

been screwed.

I'm not supposed to be here, Gorgie. I'm
supposed to be in title sequences, but

those lousy fascists bump me. Boy, you
miss one tiny decade of membership dues,

and they treat you like dirt.

Oh, you wouldn't have liked title
sequences anyway. That one's over so

don't get to do any real judging.

You see this ticket?

Caps? Center Motown Festival, which is
where I am supposed to be in three hours

and seat 2D with Peter next to me. If
I'm not, I'm going to be very unhappy.

And I am rarely unhappy alone.

Now, Murphy, don't you think watching
Humboldt -nominated documentaries is a

little more important than listening to
a bunch of old has -been shalang -lang

-lang?

Gail Beck, I'm in research.

Hiya, Andy Mayborn, camera for 2020.

Well, I guess I need no introduction.

Fred Skolnitz.

Television pioneer.

What the hell with all of you?

Well, I'm Courtney Sherwood. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Let's just get this whole thing

over with. What have we got here?

Quilting in America. All right, we'll
just pop this baby in here and we'll be

the road before the four tops do their
sound check.

Murphy, what are you doing? We haven't
even gone over the rules yet.

Okay, let's see. We don't need to do the
credits.

This part is all just set up. A history
of the Quakers. They're raising a barn.

I think we also witnessed, right?

I'm telling the proctor.

Oh, sit down. We don't need a proctor.

What seems to be the problem?

Oh, Jim's our proctor. My good friend,
Jim. I'm just zooming through the

credits. You don't mind if we zoom,
right?

I'm sorry, but rule 102 of the Humboldt
bylaws clearly states that all program

material must be viewed, and that
includes Crip. Told you.

But that'll take forever. And see, I was
supposed to be in title sequences.

Murphy, you are a Humboldt winner.

Having received this honor, you of all
people should understand the importance

of this sacred process. But I have
backstage passes.

Dale! Dale!

All right, Jim. Geez, I thought you were
my friend.

I'll tell you the same thing I told that
jaywalking Billy McClure when I was a

crossing guard in the sixth grade. When
I wear this badge, I have no friends.

Well, now that we've established I was
right, let's start again.

From the beginning.

Murphy. Isn't this a lot more
interesting than you thought, Murphy?

Murphy? Ow!

I was just getting some air.

Then perhaps you can explain why when
you saw me you started sprinting for the

parking lot like a blonde jackrabbit.

Sorry, Slugger. According to rule 321B,
the door will now be locked.

There's an intercom here.

In case of emergency, you may buzz.

It is, Jim. It really is.

Um, I have to go to the bathroom.

There's one in the room.

I have a stomachache.

Murphy!

Damn it, Jim. You get me out of here.

Don't go away again, Jim. Please.

Great.

Peter's listening to the pips while I
sit here and rot.

When is lunch? I am starving. You know,
I may not know my humble rules, but I am

pretty sure they cannot just lock you up
and not feed you. I've got my rights.

You know, you should have had a big
breakfast since you knew you were going

be here all day.

I wasn't going to be here all day. I was
supposed to be entitled.

We can't take a break until the tape's
over.

Those are the rules.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Hungry person coming through.

God, there's nothing left but garnish. I
can't survive on garnish.

Hey, hey, you, meat guy, give me that
bone. Maybe I can suck some gristle off

it.

Hi, Miles. Oh, you don't look well.

Can I have that cantaloupe rind?

The informational programs I've been
judging, they're all medical.

Did you know your eyes could be
surgically popped out of your head and

in?

I know that because I saw it.

Art, you liens, look at liposuction.

All that sucking and sucking.

Globs of lumpy fat just sitting there in
a jar.

Uh -huh. Can you pass the mayonnaise?

Hi, Frank Fontana. Have you seen my
piece, Taking Back the Streets?

Uh -uh.

Oh, well, in that case, if you're
against them building a nuclear dump

your backyard, could you just sign right
there?

But on the 137th day, tragedy, a mistake
is found. The women must unravel each

and every stitch and begin the entire
painstaking process yet

again.

Oh, no. I have been more than patient,
but we could have made it quilting the

time we've been watching this.

What do you say we watch another nominee
and then get back to quilting? Why,

then we won't be able to get enough
quilting. We'll be dying for quilting.

You know, the same issue came up in 1990
when I judged outstanding reporting.

We weren't sure if we should look at all
of Peter Jennings' Gulf War piece. I

was nominated in 90. I lost to Jennings
that year.

Some of the panel liked your piece, but
I had to vote against it. It was very

violent, and I think there's too much
violence on television. It was about

violence on television.

Still. You want to see violence?

Because I can show you violence.

We remove the part of the brain that
controls the impulse to swallow.

Mr. Fontana, you are on a fool's errand.
We are not making an exception.

This is not an exception. This is more
of an act of God.

Oh, an act of God.

Well, perhaps we can fix this. Your
category is being judged over there. Why

don't we slip your tape in along with
the others?

Or maybe we could just knock out one of
the nominees to make room for you. No.

How about we just give you a humbled
right now?

The engraving may take a while. Do you
have a few minutes?

Okay, you're kidding about that last
one, right?

To recap, we've seen Quilting, A Stitch
in Time, Antarctica, The Longest Winter,

and Ken Burns Railroads, The Longest
Ride.

Now, should we go ahead and watch The
Tribe of Man or take a few minutes and

compare notes?

We could do that.

Or I could box your ears with volumes
two and five of Quilting. Put on a damn

tape. Or we could put in a tape.

To know that we are not alone, that we
are part of something greater, that

though our lives are but a brief and
shining moment in the continuum, we were

here.

Wow, that was incredible.

Educational, yet moving. And I have got
to tell you, it is not easy to move me

at two in the morning. Well, I think
we've got a winner.

Not so fast, Murphy.

Everybody has to write down their vote
on the designated three -by -five card

with the number two pencil. Then we read
them aloud.

Those are the rules.

I'm a tribe of men.

There. Well, nice voting with you. Don't
bother saving me a place for next year.

Well, this is an exciting moment. We're
about to decide who will go home with a

Humboldt and... who will go home drunk
in a cab with a centerpiece on their

as a hat.

Tribe of man.

Quilting. Quilting.

Quilting. Quilting.

What?

You all voted for quilting? Tribe of man
kicked quilting's butt. There's your

winner. There's no winner until we all
agree.

Then who?

Humboldt rule.

Everyone has to reach a unanimous
decision.

Fine. You all think quilting's better? I
disagree.

There's only one thing to do.

Those pencils have erasers. Change your
clothes.

I'm sorry, but I thought quilting was
more touching than the other one. It was

about history and triumph. What triumph?
When that old crone finally threaded

the needle successfully?

Oh, yeah, my heart's still pounding from
that moment.

Come on, sweetie, it's four to one. Why
don't you just change your boat and we

can all get the hell out of here?

Getting out of here? Is that what this
is all about?

I don't think you are taking this very
seriously.

Oh, give me a break.

Okay, fine. I happen to like Tribe of
Man, but that's just me.

I can't force my opinion on you.

I can't twist your arm.

I can't browbeat you into thinking my
way.

Tribe, tribe, tribe, tribe.

Quilting.

All right, who's the dirty little quilt
lover I thought we could be?

I have to vote my conscience, and my
conscience says quilting.

And I have a feeling yours do, too.

Don't change your votes just because she
wants you to.

You should vote for what you think is
best and not succumb to intimidation.

Are you with me?

Tribe, tribe, tribe, tribe.

Quilting.

Morning already.

Corky, this has gone on long enough.

Friends dozing off, Andy's contacts have
sucked the moisture out of his eyes,

and Gail really needs to brush her
teeth.

Everyone else is in agreement.

Yeah, they're all in agreement because
you bullied them into it, Murphy. I did

not bully them. I just gently shoved
them in the direction they should have

in the first place.

We can go back and forth on this, but we
both know you'll end up agreeing with

me in the end. Why not just do it now so
these nice people can go home?

You're right, Murphy.

I do usually let you have your way.

But you know what?

Not this time. I'm not giving in to you.

I've done it for six years.

Herky just shoves her weight around and
everybody's just supposed to give in.

Well, I've got news for you.

Corky Sherwood's a little stubborn, too.

And we're not going anywhere.

They're going to leave us here to die.

I hope you understand what's going on
here.

Obviously, this isn't about quilting.

Corky's just using this particular forum
to make some sort of misguided stand.

Is that true, Corky?

You see, she's doing it to you, too.

She always has to have her own way.

Is that true, Murphy?

That's what it's like working with her.

Murphy likes the thermostat set at 64
degrees, so the rest of us just have to

bring sweaters.

And when she goes to get water at the
water cooler, does she ever get any for

anyone else? No.

Look, I don't see what water has to do
with this.

Oh, it has everything to do with it.
We'll all be sitting at the table. She

to get herself some water, but does she
ever say, Corky, I'm getting water.

Would you like some?

Geez, Corky, you've got a mouth. If you
want water, speak up.

I don't want water, Murphy. I want to be
asked.

Well, at least I don't announce in that
chipper little voice that I'm getting

water and then ask everyone if they want
some.

Jim, do you want water?

Frank, are you thirsty?

Miles, do you want water? I mean, how
annoying is that?

That is a little annoying.

I've got a flash for you, Corky. Nobody
wants your water. Just like nobody wants

those homemade lemon bars that come with
those cute little tins we all have to

return to you.

Where's my tin?

Did you bring back my tin?

I'm going to forget my tin.

I want my tin back.

Well, if you're so obsessed with your
stupid tins, why don't you put the

there in the first place?

Judas Priest, what is going on in here?
I hate to be a squealer, but Corky has

been holding up this committee. She's
been stubborn.

Murphy wasn't disgusting. She was
bullying.

And she grabbed the remote control. Only
because she was hogging it. Jim, I feel

it would be in the best interest of the
Humboldts if Corky were disqualified.

You're right.

Corky, I'm afraid I'm going to have to
remove you from the panel. What?

And you too, Murphy. What?

Wait a minute.

Corky's bad so I get in trouble?

Yes. Under the seldom invoked Jane Pauly
Deborah Norville rule, when members

display childish behavior and impede the
judging process, the proctor is

authorized to remove them.

Oh, Murphy.

I thought it would be fun to judge with
you, but this wasn't fun at all.

Whenever I could...

Jim,

you're not going to believe me. That's
Humboldt. No, tell it to someone who

cares.

In the past 24 hours, I've had a grand
total of three and a half minutes sleep,

and that was in the elevator.

Dear Lord, this is Decaf.

Whoever brewed this impotent swill, and
you know who you are, rest assured, you

will... something.

Hands off, Corky. I saw it first.

I'm every bit as hungry as you are,
Murphy. Let go.

You let go.

This is ridiculous.

You're right.

It is a little ridiculous.

This is exactly what I was talking to
you about last night. Did you see that,

Frank? She'll do whatever it takes to
get away. Did you see that? Do you see

that? What does it matter? What does any
of it matter? I did the best piece of

my life and I'm not... to get any
recognition you did great work you know

everybody here knows that that's what
really counts you know what i think i

think we all take these awards a little
too seriously it's true if you saw what

goes on in those rooms the way these
awards are chosen the way some people

their opinions down other people's
throat

And the way some people use that room as
a place to air their personal

grievances and petty little concerns.

Really petty.

Perfect.

You guys are still talking about me,
right?

Um, yeah.

I guess what we're trying to say is that
now that we've seen the other side, we

realize for the first time how truly
insignificant the Humpholts really are.

Yep.

Just a big old pointy hunk of glass.

I guess you're right.

Thanks. I tell you, that does make me
feel a little better.

Guys, guys, guess what?

Yesterday at the Humboldt, when I was
wrecking my head against the stall door,

overheard some of the judges from the
best reporting category talking. Now,

didn't say who, but apparently the
winner is someone from FYI.

Who cares? Big deal.

Are you tired of doing stuff?

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