All language subtitles for murphy_brown_s07e03_loose_affiliations

My world is empty without you babe.

My world is empty without you babe.

Brooks must have broken six tackles, run
85 yards. I can't believe you turned

the game over to halftime, Jim.

Well, call me old -fashioned, but I just
don't enjoy watching football since it

moved to Fox.

How can you possibly focus on John
Madden's chalk talk when he's drawing it

Christina Applegate's bare midriff?

I know what you mean, Jim. Like how they
cram the words, there it is, into the

national anthem.

That's just not right.

Hello,

Phil. How are you? How you doing, Phil?

there are no more squares left in the
football pool. Oh, man, not again.

Yeah, Hillary Clinton snatched them all
up.

Ever since she made a killing in the
market, the woman's got the fever.

Last week, Bill wandered down for a
midnight snack, found her in her 90s

shooting dice on the floor with a
kitchen staff.

Hey, Miles, you see the kids' game
yesterday?

Shah, I don't want to hear anything
about football. It was unbelievable.

football is dead to me now.

It's gone the way of sunbathing, driving
without a seatbelt, and unprotected

sex. Not that I ever did any of those
things, but I liked that the option was

there.

So you didn't see the game?

No, I did not.

I watched what was on our network.

The Sunday movie of the week. They say
my name is Mary.

Right!

The touching portrait of a woman sinking
into the hellish abyss of short -term

memory loss. You know, I meant to watch
that, but it slipped my mind.

Fine, fine, fine.

Make your jokes, but from where I stand,
anyone who's watching football on that

other network deserves nothing but scorn
and contempt. Hey, did you guys catch

that game last night on Fox? People said
the coverage wasn't going to be as

good, but I've got to tell you, those
hidden cameras in the locker room

were a stroke of genius. What a wacky
network.

Wacky Murphy, do you have any idea how
many stations defected when that wacky

network grabbed football away from us?
Come on, Miles, they didn't leave just

because of football. They left because
the new fall shows stink.

What do you expect from a network whose
slogan is get off our backs, we're doing

the best we can?

Oh, no, Murphy, it's not about shows,
it's about money. Our shows are no worse

than anyone else's. In fact, some of
them are actually quite good. Yeah, but

then you find one you like and they
cancel it and replace it with what? A

stand -up comic on one network, a
reality program about angels and UFOs on

another, and what's our network's latest
offering?

A drama about an environmental SWAT team
led by an orangutan.

I'm going to keep my Saturday nights
open for that one. Now, Murphy, give it

chance. May I remind you, there was a
show with a little pig named Arnold that

did very well for himself on television.

Yeah, but then Roseanne dumped him.

Come on, Murph. There really are still
some quality shows on television.

Okay. Name three.

Okay. There's Letterman.

And, um... The one with those naked
swearing cops.

Is MASH still on the air?

My point exactly.

The glory days are over and this fall
schedule isn't going to bring them back.

And why? Because it's a crap fest.
Murphy, this conversation is over. So,

how about those roses? Did you ever
clear up that aphid problem? Fine. I'll

say it to the back of your head.

Crap fest. Crap fest. Crap fest. Excuse
me.

I couldn't help overhearing your
conversation, or frankly, I couldn't

you more, Ms. Brown. I've seen the fall
schedule, and I think it stinks, too.

You hear that, Miles? This random viewer
agrees with me.

I just have one question. My editor is a
real stickler for spelling.

Craft best one word or two.

I think one of them... Hey, Miles. It's
not even an article. It's a blurb. This

wouldn't even make it into my scrapbook.
And I've pasted together headlines

about Eddie Murphy and James Brown just
to see my name in print.

He's right. Relax.

Man, what did you do? Leave the hanger
in here?

Really, Miles.

If something was going to happen, don't
you think we would have heard by now?

This is FYI.

Mr. Lansing, how nice to have you down.

You never come down. Did you come down
to bring me up or are we staying down?

Relax. You do good work down here,
notwithstanding the FYI black hole where

staples and little boxes of grape juice
disappear at twice the rate of any of my

other shows.

Hockey, you look gorgeous as usual.

You should hear the way they talk about
you at my barbershop.

It's crude.

But it's their way of saying they love
you.

That's so sweet.

Tell him I said thank you.

Consider it done. Jim!

You never age.

How old are you anyway?

Fifty -six.

Funny answer.

My ginger man, the way you... Go risk
your life. That's a nice shirt.

Oh, thanks. This is custom made. You
know, I could give you my tailor's phone

number. The guy's got these tiny little
hands. I was making small talk, Fontana.

And I finished.

Murphy? I stand. Good to see you.

Let's talk in your office.

Oh, my office.

You don't want to talk in there.

I haven't cleaned.

Okay.

He's not down for me. He's down for
Murphy.

You too, Silverberg.

Murphy, you sit there. I'll sit over
here. And Silverberg, you hop up on

cases of grape juice over there.

Stan, before we even start, let me just
tell you that everything they printed

was taken completely out of context.

I'm so glad. That's what I thought.

So tell me.

In what context would crapola be a good
thing?

Sir, in Murphy's defense, she did not
call the fall lineup crapola.

She called it a crapfest.

You know, Silverberg, you remind me of a
young me.

Thank you, sir. Coming from you, that's
right. I hated the young me.

Likely so, sir.

I'll just hop back up on my crutches.

You picked a bad time to shoot your
mouth off. We just lost football and

affiliates with it. Who knows how many
more you convinced to do the same thing.

I am troubled.

I like this chair.

It's like sitting in a big hand.

You know, Stan, you're right.

I'll try to watch what I say from now
on. I'm sorry you had to come all the

down. When I say troubled, I don't mean
like a little tickle in my throat.

I mean like that triple bypass I had
last March. One card from your whole

department.

You see, if these remarks were made by
someone else, give me a name.

Suzanne Plachette.

Fran Drescher.

Who's listening?

You.

You're Murphy Brown.

People believe what you say.

This Saturday, we're flying our
affiliates down to Epcot to present them

fall schedule. I want you to go down
there and explain how you were

You didn't call it a crap fest.

You called it a sparkling array of
inventive programming.

I can't promote that lineup.

You've got a show where an orangutan
commands a group of crusading

environmentalists. Oh, he doesn't
command them.

He merely advises them.

They don't have to take his advice if
they don't want to.

Did you say this Saturday? You know, I
am really swamped. Miles, tell him how

swamped I am.

News affiliates, that means cutbacks.
And the first place we cut back is the

news division personnel.

Well, maybe not you. You've still got a
few good years left.

The gym is getting low in the tooth.

Those are 56 -year -old teeth.

Mr. Lansing, are you actually
considering... Look at my back,

against the wall!

I'm crazy!

You don't know what I'll do!

All right,

I'll go, I'll go.

But it'll cost you.

I'm taking my son and my nanny, and the
second I get there, I'm cracking open

that honor bar, and I'm eating my weight
in macadamia nuts, even if it makes me

sick.

She's a real smart fuck, Silver.

I don't know how you put up with her
sometimes.

Sometimes I don't know myself, sir.

It's your job, Silver.

Hi, I'm Corky Sherwood. Thank you for
coming. Get a load of our spirit.

Hi, Murphy Brown. Get a load of our
spirit.

I'm saying get a load of our spirit. Get
your own slogan.

Okay, fine.

I'll think there's no stopping us now.

I don't think we'd already decided that
I'd be saying there's no stopping us

now. Who cares? Geez, what is it with
you guys?

I'll tell you what it is. We all had to
give up our weekends because of you and

your big fat mouth.

Yes. Wasn't our turn to come down here,
Murphy.

60 minutes turn.

I hate these things.

Hi, Baltimore.

Get a load of our spirit.

Hi, Murphy Brown.

That's it. Keep it moving.

Hi, guys.

Sorry I'm late.

Did I miss anything?

Frank, you were playing golf, weren't
you? Oh, come on. That makes a big

difference. You've got a scorecard in
your back pocket, your tan ends at your

wrist, and you dropped a divot over by
the Dr. Quinn ice sculptor.

Fine. Sue me for trying to jam some fun
into this miserable weekend.

Hey, Murphy ruined my weekend, too, but
I'm playing my way. Oh, don't talk with

me, okay? Murphy's starting next year.

What is this? What is this?

Is this helping us hang on to our
affiliates? I don't think so.

Come on, Miles. We've done everything we
can do here. I'm going to go back to

the hotel. There's an ugly rumor the
water slide closes at 7.

Oh, no, you are not.

We've got another hour before our host
for this evening arrives to present the

fall lineup. So until you hear the
squeals of delight marking the arrival

Carol O 'Connor and Angela Lansbury...

The very existence of FYI is to take
care of people.

Horses of the South have already fallen.

The Midwest is teetering on the brink.

This is war.

We're playing it city by city.

At this very moment, Spokane is in the
corner telling the Eastern Seaboard how

funny the Simpsons was last night.

Now, what are we going to do about it?

Well...

There's a guy over there hitting on
Markie Post while his wife was in a

Maybe I can blackmail him.

Go, go, make me proud.

You know, I didn't like the looks of
that Spokane when he first traipsed in

here. Well, I think somebody's about to
receive a little lecture on loyalty.

Godspeed.

Come on, Murphy.

You know what we have to do?

Okay.

You take the fat one, I'll take the bald
one.

You magnificent bastard.

You know, if you don't mind my saying
so, Miss Brown, you're a lot

softer than Andy Romney.

You know, Bert, as many times as I get
told that, I never get tired of hearing

it.

So I guess you'll be staying with the
network.

Well, I don't know. I'm still worried
about this fall lineup.

Bert, I just walked like an Egyptian
with you.

Don't start.

Now, you listen to me, Buster. The
affiliate network relationship is a

union, much like this great nation of
ours.

Now, what would happen if Minnesota woke
up one day and decided it wanted to be

a part of, say, France? And France said,
sure, come on over. We've got rich

sauces in the Eiffel Tower. Well, it's
not that easy, bub. All I said was Homer

makes me laugh.

Shame on you.

Babe,

our network puts on a pretty good
spread, doesn't it?

I'm guessing you made a few trips to
that onion dip.

Tic -tac?

Hi. Can I borrow you for a minute? Grand
Rapids is waffling. He wants to take a

picture with you. Oh, okay. Excuse me.

Could you do me a favor? Could you kiss
my head in this picture?

Okay, that's it.

Miles, my debt is paid. You kiss his
head. I'm going back to the hotel.

Frank, what's wrong?

Angela, Carol, I'm not coming.

What do you mean, Frank? What did you
do?

I had Angela Lansbury and Carol O
'Connor with my golf cart.

It was an absolute, I swear.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. I have to tell someone.

How could you do this to me, Frank? I'm
never going to get out of here. They

shouldn't have even been there. I had
the right of way.

I'll say this. I shouldn't even call it
a hit. It was really out of brush. But

that Angela, she is such a drama queen.

How do they know? They're fine.

They just walked them around the parking
lot a few times, and then they trammed

them over to first aid.

They were in the parking lot?

Yeah. So then technically they were on
the premises.

Yeah. So then technically I'm off the
clock.

You know, if I take the next monorail, I
can still get rerun down the water

slide before it closes.

Ladies and gentlemen, your hosts for
this evening, Carol O 'Connor and Angela

Lansbury, will be unable to attend
tonight's ceremony.

But in their place, please help me
welcome Jim Dial and Murphy Brown.

I see here that Carol and Angela plan to
begin the evening with a little musical

number, but I don't think Jim and I...
Oh, affiliates, how we love you, how we

love you, our dear affiliates. Birthday,
the world to... Well,

that was phrasing.

Let's just launch right in here, shall
we?

Ah, Splendid.

Top ten list. Those could be amusing.
Thanks,

Jim.

And now, the top ten reasons why you
should stay with our network.

Number ten.

Affiliate fees are not scheduled to rise
until the third quarter, and then at a

rate which will not exceed the average
established in the prior...

No, it looked like it was only a top one
list. Thank you, Jim.

That was delightful.

Now it's time to present our fabulous
new fall lineup.

Carol O 'Connor exits.

Oh, that's me.

Murphy, back to you.

Thank you, Jim.

Let's kick things off with the show all
of us here at the network are most

excited about.

The Green Team, a group of environmental
crusaders advised by a crusty but

lovable orangutan.

And now, the dashing young star of the
Green Team, Jerry McDonald.

Thanks for joining us, Jerry.

They say that like one of our former
network stars, you can turn the world on

with your smile.

Next.

A hilarious new sitcom, Joanie Come
Lately.

About a blue -collar mom and her brood
of troublesome children. Please welcome

the star of Joanie Come Lately, Joanie
Malone.

If it's hip urban comedy you want, look
no further than Todd's Friends, starring

wry comic Todd Melman.

Todd's Friends. It's a show about
anything.

And save some room for a family soup.

Just pour in one Irish cop, spice it up
with...

Let's face it, the monkey has a point.

I've said it before and I'll say it
again. This stuff is crap.

I can understand why some of you have
thought about...

Can't it, Jerry? It's my turn. Sure,
we've lost football

and I know there are a lot of other
networks to choose from these days, but

trust me, the grass isn't always greener
over there because, let's face it, most

of their stuff stinks too.

I say it's all of ours because we don't
demand anything better. As Edward R.

Murrow once said about television, this
instrument can... It

can illuminate.

Yes, it can even inspire.

But it can do so only to the extent that
humans... Oh, shut up!

Get this monkey off the stage.

Great.

Stan.

Doesn't having a glass desk bother you?

I mean, who wants to look at their own
legs all the time?

How did you know I was back?

I know everything that goes on down
here.

By the way, tell Fontana to stop
adjusting himself in the elevator when

thinks he's all alone.

Look, Stan, before you start talking,
let me just say that I tried. I really

did. It's just that I'm a very bad liar.

You know, all it would take for me to
get back in the White House press room

to tell Clinton his jogging is paying
off. But every time I look at those

thighs, I just can't bring myself to do
it.

Murphy, you screwed up.

You went down there in front of God
knows how many affiliates. You dumped on

lineup. I know, Stan, I know. When you
stormed off stage, you shoved dry

comedian Todd Melvin, star of Todd's
Friends, into a pile of stacking chairs.

He had a ponytail.

That doesn't make it right.

On the other hand, you showed me that I
was using that monkey all wrong. I had

him in a drama.

Who knew that chimp was a comedy genius?

I'm building a whole night around him.

What? Stan, you're pandering to the
lowest common denominator. That's

the point I was making down there.

Thank God nobody heard it because they
were so busy busting her gut over the

antics of that clever little monkey.

Why don't you give him a monkey
girlfriend so you can bring in more

viewers? A monkey with a love interest.
That's not bad.

Oh, Murphy, I...

help the network in its hour of need so
if there's anything else you want to say

to me actually there is one more little
thing that i would really like you to do

hi milwaukee this is murphy brown
reminding you to catch the banana squad

fall hi cleveland this is murphy brown
reminding you to catch the banana squad

this fall

Hello, Twin Cities. This is Murphy Brown
reminding you to catch The Banana Squad

this fall on Channel 36.

We think you're going to love it. Right,
Jerry?

I can't work like this.

Hi, New Haven. This is Murphy Brown.

Hi, New York.

Are you tired of doing stuff?

Yes! Then watch Easy TV Summer. It's
four effortless hours of your favorite

followed by four equally effortless
hours of your other favorite show.

Well, you make it sound easy. Easy TV
Summer starts Tuesday, July 5th at 10

on Nick at Night.

Bonjour, Montreal.

Just sweet Murphy Brown.