All language subtitles for murphy_brown_s05e03_life_after_birth

trying to put his anxieties to rest, and
you're out here yelling about leaving.

Elvin, I know that a parent's first day
back at the office can be traumatic for

a child, but come on, he's only six
weeks old. At this stage of the game,

am to him is a blonde buffet.

Think it for me, he's not even going to
know I'm gone.

Temporarily gone, only to return at the
end of the day with lots and lots of

presents.

You know, a selection, a tough... Toys
would be nice. Well, then, don't make

this worse than it is. Look at me. I'm
cool. I'm collected.

And why?

Because I have planned this entire day,
and so far, everything is running

perfectly. All you need is a little
flexibility, a sense of humor, and a

supply of clean glasses.

Flexibility.

A word that has not yet found its way
onto the Brown family coat of arms.

Eight o 'clock. Take shower, brush
teeth. I did that. I didn't get to

there's that long light at M Street.

9 .30, greet new nanny. 10 o 'clock,
arrive at office.

There'll probably be a welcome back
celebration of some kind. Cake,

And then, at 10 .15, begin work.

Hope that new nanny isn't going to be
late.

You like her, don't you, Eldon? Oh,
yeah. Although she is British, you know,

baby will be around her a lot.

God, what if he picks up that accent?

No one wants their kid's first words to
be... Pip -pip.

Oh, that'd be very weird.

Huh. Right on time. I think she's going
to work out just fine.

Good morning, Miss Brown. Hello. Come
in.

I'm so sorry. I usually try to arrive a
little early, but I had to stop and pick

up some lunch.

Oh, then. Look at this.

Punctual and she brings her own lunch.
The two qualities I like most in a

person. Margaret, you remember Eldon.

Oh, yes.

The painter.

Hello?

Cheerios.

We're all set.

Adelaide's in the den. He's fed.

Adelaide? Who's Adelaide?

Is there another painter?

No, no, Adelaide's the baby. Adelaide
Stevenson Brown.

I thought his name was Leck Willessa
Brown.

No, that was last week. We decided he
didn't look like a Leck. No, you

For me, it's still a toss -up between
Leck and Donnie. Well, I'm just going to

say goodbye to him. Excuse me.

me, Mr. Bernicke, does Miss Brown pay
every week or every other week?

Welcome to my world.

Oh, that went pretty well.

Miss the little guy.

Not that there's a lot to miss at this
point. He doesn't really have a

personality yet. His brain isn't fully
developed.

Add a set of golf clubs, he could be the
vice president.

Well, don't want to be late my first day
back.

Everything will be fine.

Thanks.

It's always hard the first day.

Well, I suppose I'd better be looking in
on the master.

Uh, Margaret?

Sorry, one thing.

I don't know if you're going to be doing
any ironing today, but if you do, be

sure to unplug it before you leave the
room. I don't know a lot about irons,

I've heard they can start fires.

I won't be doing any ironing, ma 'am.

Okay, goodbye.

I don't know if you know, but if you see
a warning from the emergency broadcast

system on television, don't worry, it's
just a warning. In the event of a real

emergency, you'll be instructed where to
tune in your area for news and

information.

How comforting.

So few new mothers think to remind their
nannies of the threat of thermonuclear

war.

Good.

Eldon, everything okay?

On this side of the door, yes.

Excellent.

Well I'm off.

I'll just be leaving now.

that cake.

Coming through.

Well, Murphy, there's so much for
traveling light. Is this everything, or

Gunga Din bringing up more from the
lobby? It's a baby thing, Frank. You

bring everything, because you never know
what he'll want. Murphy, what's this?

Let's say one, two, three.

It's a breast pump, Miles.

Miss Brown, if I may, I feel I should
caution against overstimulating the

Okay, guys, it's time to focus on work.
Margaret, maybe you better take him into

my office.

Very good, ma 'am.

They were stimulating the baby.

I've never been accused of
overstimulating anyone in my life.

Miles, I hadn't planned... on bringing
in the baby, but the nanny seemed a

little anxious about being left alone
with him on the first day. I figured

was the best way of handling the
situation.

I understand completely. In fact, if you
want to go home and try this again

tomorrow, that's fine. I just had a
light -day plan. Maybe pitch out a few

areas and quit early.

Miles, are you taking it easy because of
me?

Don't lie to me, Miles. I'm a mother
now. I can tell when people are lying. I

can also do that thing where you use
spit to clean off a person's face.

Murphy, I swear, an informal idea
session, and that's it. We were just

start. Well, that's perfect because I've
got a story all ready to pitch.

Just let me get my kid settled and I'll
be right back.

My kid. Oh, it's going to sound so
weird.

Five minutes, Miles.

Oh, and I'll be meeting a new secretary.

I'll be first and I'll call. Murphy,
welcome back. Thanks, Miles.

Okay, that's it. Let me know when you're
ready to break camp and come home.

And one other thing.

You see that?

You see that guy in the corner?

When we first came in, everyone had an
oh, how cute look on their face.

Now, this guy had more of a I wonder if
that baby will fit in my book bag look.

Hey, hey, hey. You were wrong about the
cake.

I'm just going to add that to the list
of things to tell Murphy when she comes

out. But she will, eventually.

Just to recap, we've got Frank's story.
We've got Corky's next two stories.

Jim's commentaries are covered between
now and the election.

So, what else?

Judas Iscariot, man, there isn't
anything else. We've been sitting here

three hours and I'm starving.

Sorry, but I can't stand having a late
lunch.

My dinner will have to be pushed back.

Which impacts on tomorrow's breakfast,
which impacts on tomorrow's lunch.

Before I know it, I'll be having Sunday
brunch next Thursday afternoon.

Come on, Jimbo. Hang in there. Murphy
said she'll be out to pitch her story in

five minutes. Oh, man, she's been saying
that all day.

You know, I really admire Murphy for
trying to balance her career and a baby

the same time.

And now that I've said that, I want you
to go in there and drag her maternal

butt out here.

All right.

Like I'm going to do that.

She's probably got that pump thing
going.

There's an image I want burned into my
retinas.

Guys, I'm really sorry.

I had to change him twice.

But my real problem is that nanny, she
just doesn't seem up to the job.

Fortunately, I'm handling it.

Sure you are, Murphy. And just remember,
this is all valuable experience that

will make life that much easier if you
ever have any more. babies.

Think you will?

Only if I can use your uterus.

Everyone is ready. Murphy Brown is ready
to pitch. And here it is.

Political dirty tricks groups.

We know they're out there. We know the
damage they can do. Excuse me, Miss

Brown. I'm having a bit of trouble.

Yes, Margaret?

Was I to file the mail alphabetically or
by date received?

I'm afraid I don't quite follow.

One... One more time.

The mail gets opened and filed by date
received. You write down the phone

messages in order of return priority.

It isn't that difficult, Margaret.

I mean, it's not what I was hired to do,
is it now?

I believe I'm supposed to be looking
after the baby, if I'm not mistaken.

Margaret, for the past three hours, I
have been in my office looking after the

baby, in effect doing your job.

The way I see it, you owe me three
hours' work.

All right, then.

What did I tell you?

Okay. Are we going to hear my pitch or
not?

Here we go.

Political dirty tricks groups. We know
they're out there. We know the damage

they can do. Miss Brown, Adelaide is
comfortable.

Your mail is on your desk.

I quit.

What? You can't quit. I'm right in the
middle of work.

Oh, no, you don't. I'm not going down
this road again.

First it's your mail, then your phone
messages.

Next thing I know, I'm mucking out the
stables and grooming your polo bonies.

Not a bloody lie. Miss Brown. Not bloody
likely.

Very professional.

What agency are you with again?

Nanny's More?

What's the more stand for? That's what I
want to know. Not typing.

Not filing. You're a quitter, Margaret.

I bet Mary Poppins never quit.

You'll be glad I'm not Mary Poppins. I
know what I'd do with that umbrella

now.

The British.

as quitters.

Thirteen little colonies, they couldn't
handle it. Well, this is not a problem.

The truth is, she was holding me back.

I'll just check on the baby, and then
I'll be right back.

Actually,

Murph, we were thinking about breaking
for lunch.

Oh, that's a good idea. A working lunch,
just like the old days. I can pitch my

story down at Phil. Sounds good. Let's
go. I'll get the elevator.

Wait a minute.

I'll just go get him. I'll be back in
five minutes.

Well,

here we are.

Wasn't too bad. Only took us 25 minutes.
37 minutes, actually. Renews. Renews.

You couldn't wait. You didn't see me
drop the stuffed turtle in the street?

It's not a turtle, Miles. It's Mr.

Froggy. Well, now it's Mr. Roadkill.

day to bring the little one in. Pat
Buchanan's here.

He's circulating a petition to change
the name of our species to

I don't need any special attention.
Nothing's changed.

I'll get some menus.

Hey, Pat, cut it out.

Now the guy's erasing fruit plate from
the specials board.

You're out of control, mister.

It's great to be back. Okay, let's get
into it.

Political dirty treks groups.

We know they're out there. We know the
damage they can do. Murphy, perhaps you

should order first so we don't interrupt
the flow of your pitch. Phil, Phil,

I'll have a mixed green salad. Just hold
that thought, Jim.

It's Murphy's first day back.

Better start things off. Women and
children first.

By all means, let's model our lunch
after the Titanic.

I'll have the usual. A Philburger. Wait
a minute.

There's somebody smoking.

That's not good for the baby.

Oh, Phil, I'm afraid she's right. I hate
to be a bother, but maybe just this

one. No problem, Murphy.

Hey, there.

I'm sure you weren't aware of it, but if
you look over here, you see that you're

smoking in front of a baby.

Yeah, well, these are my cigarettes. Let
him buy his own.

Yeah, that's funny.

Here's five bucks.

Put it down.

Thanks, Phil. Okay, we're all set now.
I'm going to have a... Jeez, do you

believe that guy? Pack all over my baby,
why don't you?

I'll be right back.

Look, here's five bucks. The next time
you get the urge to cough, do me a favor

and step outside, will you?

Thanks,

Phil. I'll have a Philburger and fries,
same as always.

Next, mixed green salad, oil and
vinegar.

Oh, he's fine. His phone lasts long.
He'll cry himself out in a few seconds.

Okay, okay, you can stop now.

Why is he crying, Murphy? Is he hungry?

I don't know. Does he need to be
changed?

I don't know. Is he tired? I don't know.

Oh, Mandy.

Oh, you came and you gave us everything.

What are you doing? Are you singing a
Barry Manilow song?

No, I'm not. Yes, you are.

You were singing Mandy.

Sometimes it calms him down, okay?

Doggy, can we put this plug in his
mouth?

I tell you what, guys. Maybe we better
go to plan B. I'll take him back to the

office, and you guys stay here and have
lunch. Excellent idea. A burger, salad,

fries?

Okay, okay.

I'll need this and this.

Oh, and I need this.

Oh, Jesus.

It'll be you sitting in his crib holding
a banana.

And now... I

knew it.

I ate too fast.

I always try to get back on track after
a late lunch by wolfing down my food,

but it never works.

Speaking of which, I called Doris.

If anyone's in the neighborhood, we'll
be having leg of lamb with mint jelly at

2 .30 tomorrow morning.

Let it go.

Okay, people, let's focus. Corky, you
were in the middle of something. Yes,

thank you, Miles.

So then, when I moved on to the Miss
Northeast Louisiana semifinals, people

I didn't stand a chance. The judges were
all for Monroe.

Talk about your bias.

I think the turning point was when the
girl from Monroe kicked herself in the

mouth with her tap shoe.

What is wrong with you? Do you want her
to kill us all?

Turn off your ringer.

He's finally asleep.

I turned on C -SPAN and he dropped right
off.

I'll just keep an ear on things with
this monitor.

Okay.

Political dirty tricks groups.

We know they're out there.

We know the damage they're doing.

Well, I'm glad you've been listening.
Anyway, I thought I'd take a look at

groups and... You hear anything?

I don't hear anything.

I guess he's just sleeping quietly.

Very quietly.

Much more quietly than usual.

Anyway, let me just run in and check to
make sure he's breathing. Five minutes,

Miles.

Five minutes?

Who is she kidding?

By the time five of her minutes go by,
I'll be trying out my new hip and

complaining about my son with the
schicksal wife.

Murphy,

you need to talk.

It's okay.

He's asleep.

Not so fast, Murphy.

We all appreciate what you're trying to
do.

But maybe you should go home, get your
life in order, and come back. Forget it,

Miles. This is something I have to do.

Look, nothing has to change. I can be a
great reporter and a great mom. I have

everything under control. Oh, really?

In almost six hours, you haven't gotten
past the first two lines of your story

pitch. Everyone in the office is
tiptoeing around like the bomb squad,

head feels like someone took my optic
nerve and tied it into a sheep shank. I

going to pitch my story, even if it
takes all day, and you are staying, too,

even if I have to chain your little legs
to the water cooler and stand on your

skinny little chest.

Oh, nice talk, great mother.

You think you're in control of this
situation? You are so far out of your

outside with me, and then we'll have you
step onto the elevator and out of the

building. Trust me, we'll do it. Oh,
it's an employee orientation thing?

Does anybody want gum?

Let me guess.

Five minutes, right?

sides well this is a weird way to work
murphy talking we hear her she doesn't

hear us so really nothing's changed okay

anyway we go out on footage of people
voting what goes on behind a closed

curtain as influenced by what goes on

That could be anywhere from three days
to infinity.

Look, I'm leaving while I can. Who's
with me?

I'm going to go home, bow down in front
of Doris, and give thanks for her

defunct reproductive system.

It's always the woman. The woman has to
have the baby. The woman has to balance

her career and her child.

If men had babies, maternity leave would
be in the Bill of Rights.

You know, you do have a point there,
Corky.

But... We don't have babies, do we?

Thank

you,

thank you, thank you.

Well, it's a small group, but I'm sure
it's an appreciative one.

Great story.

Vintage Murphy Brown.

Able to pitch my story, another career
winner, but my son is healthy, fed, and

he even helped me by doubling as a
paperweight.

Well, at the risk of inflating your ego
further, I admit you pulled it off.

Good. And now that I've proved it, if I
ever try it again, I want you to cram me

in a stroller and shove me in front of a
bus.

Why don't you do us all a favor? Take
tomorrow morning off and find a new

It's a promise, Miles.

You know, I've got to tell you, it was a
little scary coming in here today. I

guess I felt I had a lot to prove to
myself.

But it felt right being back here again.

Yep, I'm going to be okay.

See you tomorrow, Miles.

Oh,

Kirk.

I would have remembered him at some
point.

Thank you.