All language subtitles for murphy_brown_s04e24_on_the_rocks

Hi, look alive, people. We're coming out
of commercial in 60 seconds. Where the

hell is Murphy?

She's never going to make it back from
the bathroom in time. Not with all that

extra weight she's hauling around.

Miles, why aren't you doing anything?

I am doing something.

I'm refusing to panic because that's
what Murphy wants.

She's testing me. Her whole pregnancy is
about testing me. The increasing absent

-mindedness, the mood swings, the
constant racing into the bathroom. All

wants to do is provoke my hysteria.
Well, it's not going to happen. Not this

time. Oh, man.

You know, the woman's memory is shot.

Maybe she forgot why she went to the
bathroom.

Maybe she's just sitting in there
waiting for the in -flight movie to

I refuse to panic.

Do you hear that, Murphy?

I'm picking up a newspaper.

I'm doing the crossword puzzle.

Six down, an aquatic mammal. All right,
30 seconds to air. Oh, God, I can't see

the letters.

I'm blind.

I'm blind.

Are you happy now, Murphy?

Here she comes. Something's coming.

All right, now, darling, come on. You
can make it. Come on.

Oh, God.

Whoever made those hot air hand dryers
is a moron. Chair assistant.

Come on, Carl. I need a counterweight.
Easy to eat.

I think I can't get any bigger, and then
I do.

She's in! She's in!

Do I have 10 or 12 minutes to interview
Mr. what's -his -name? Fremont. Charles.

Insurance fraud. Is any of this ringing
a bell? Okay, okay, I got it. All right,

better smile, Miles. We're going live in
5, 4, 3... Welcome back.

With us tonight is Mr. Charles Fremont,
President and Chief Executive Officer

of... of...

No, no, no, don't tell me. I get it.

Murphy,

you know there isn't a person in the
world I respect more than you.

Oh, great.

The last time someone said that to me, I
got pregnant.

Interesting you should mention your
pregnancy, since that's the very topic I

wanted to discuss.

Murphy, we need to plan... We need to
plan for the time you won't be

here.

What do you mean for the time when I
won't be here?

I already told you, Miles. I have every
intention of working right up until the

last minute. Murphy, it's time to be
realistic.

The baby could come any day. What about
all those big stories you're working on?

I think I have to find a temporary
replacement.

Miles.

I am surprised that you, a Harvard
graduate, would have so little knowledge

the history of childbirth. Why, pioneer
women would frequently give birth right

in the middle of plowing and then
immediately return to their chores.

In fact, that's one of the reasons for
the umbilical cord. It supplies

nutrients, but it also doubles as a
leash.

I think it's time to face it. You're
going to have to miss a few shows. But

important thing to remember is that it
is just a temporary replacement. You've

got nothing to feel threatened about.
Me? Threatened? Come on, I'm not

threatened. But hey, if you think you
need to find a replacement, I'll even

suggest someone.

A reporter with a strong background in
investigative journalism and the ability

to go head -to -head with world figures.

I think the answer's obvious.

Joe Garagiola.

Gee, Murphy, as intriguing as that
suggestion is, I think Gene Kinsella's

already talking to someone.

What do you mean he's talking to
someone? Who's he talking to? A woman

Hillary Wheaton. She's an anchor on a
magazine show out of Toronto.

We thought the best way to test her is
to have her sit in during next week's

show. If all goes well, she'll fill in
for you while you're gone.

Gee, a woman from Canada.

Is she going to be sitting in my chair?

He's going to be touching my pencils.

She's going to try to push the metric
system on everybody. They do that, you

know.

I know this is hard for you, Slugger. On
the one hand, we all want you to work

as long as you feel capable.

On the other hand, you're huge and
you're crazy.

Merv.

You have got nothing to worry about. I
don't care how good this Hillary Wheaton

is. I'm going to hate her. That's the
kind of friend I am. You know the

humiliating part?

I'm being replaced by someone from
Canada. What kind of news stories do

there? Moose loose, moose caught, more
snow.

Good night.

I'm a disgusting mess, and I'll
understand if no one wants to be around

today. We don't know what you're talking
about, Murphy. We think you look

glowing. Tell me, Frank, do men find
pregnancy attractive?

Have a donut. Saves you a jelly.

Oh, jelly.

Maybe today will be okay after all.

Oh,

jeez, look what I...

I'd like you to meet Hillary Wheaton.
Hello.

Oh, hello.

Hillary, this is Jim Dial, our senior
anchor. How do you do? Of course. You

know, Jim, I recently ran into Walter
Cronkite at a reception in Toronto.

And when I told him I was coming to FYI,
he called you the finest anchor in

broadcast journalism today.

Now that he's off the air.

Walter, no one can beat a good joke into
the ground like he can. Welcome aboard,

Hillary. Thanks, Jim. It's an honor to
be here among the best. Oh, brother, the

flattery routine.

And this is Corky Sherwood Forrest.

Oh, yes.

I saw your piece on retired police dogs.

You know, to be honest, I'm usually only
interested in hard news, but it touched

me. Why, thank you.

You know, I learned a lesson from that
story, too.

Never say stick -em -up to a police dog
as a joke, no matter how old he is.

Don't worry, Murph, I'm not falling for
this.

And, uh, I'm Frank Fontana, but, uh, I
suppose you've seen my work.

Yes, I have.

who appears to have been shot by the
donut sniper.

Hi. Murphy, I know this could be a bit
awkward, and I wanted to make sure we

off on the right foot, so I brought you
a little present.

Oh? Well, how about that, Murphy?

A present. What a lovely gesture.

No wonder they call Canada our friend of
the north.

An airplane ticket.

With your name on it.

one way back to Toronto.

That's right. I just wanted to assure
you that I'm not looking to become a

fixture around here. As soon as you're
ready to come back to work, you give me

that ticket, and I'm on the next plane.

This is good.

Really good.

It reminds me of something I might do,
except that I try to build a show for

ticket, but other than that, it's very
impressive.

Oh, thank God, because if that didn't
work, all I had left was my watch and 50

bucks Canadian.

Okay, since you're going to be taking
over my Pentagon piece, why don't we

screening some footage? Then I'll take
you to lunch at Phil's. It's nothing

fancy, but it's kind of a Washington
tradition.

I don't care where we go as long as the
hamburgers are American and the scotch

is aged. I could use a drink after that
trip. I know, I need that flight to

Toronto. Actually, I was talking about
the cab ride from the airport.

Now, Murph, don't go boring Hillary with
stories about my Gulf War coverage.

I'll never forget the first time I
interviewed President Reagan.

I just happened to mention that I was
Canadian.

He took both my hands, looked me
straight in the eye, and said, Nancy and

love your bacon.

Hey there, Murphy.

Hiya, Bill. There's somebody I'd like
you to meet. This is Hillary Wheaton.

I know who she is. Pleased to meet you,
Hillary.

Word is the network's pretty high on
you.

Haven't heard this kind of a buzz since
Murphy came to town.

Yeah, well, that's great. Phil, could we
order now?

I forgot it's 15 minutes past Murphy's
feeding time.

I've never seen anybody who can put it
away like Murphy can.

Okay, Phil, it's always nice talking to
you. I'll have a small chef's salad and

a club soda.

Yeah, right.

What can I get you, Hillary?

I'll have a burger, medium rare, and a
scotch on the rocks, please.

Enjoy your lunch.

And, Murphy, I got a couple of slices of
coconut cake in the back.

Do you want it before the salad, after,
or shall I just mix them together?

Goodbye, Phil.

You know, Murphy, I have to admit I'm a
little nervous about the audition. I

mean, let's face it.

American network television is the big
league.

Oh, don't let it get to you, Hillary.
The network brass wouldn't have picked

if they didn't think you could handle
the job.

Oh, right. These are the same people who
thought no one would ever pay for

cable.

Here you go.

One club soda, one scotch on the rocks.
Gee, Phil, couldn't you have at least

brought some rolls?

It's not that I always eat the rolls,
it's just that they look nice on the

table.

Yeah, Phil, as long as you have to come
back anyway, why don't I order another

round now and save you a trip? In fact,
make it a double. You got it. Be right

back.

Well, hey, look who it is.

Oh, gee, Miles.

Oh, Murphy, I know you think I'm here to
check up on you two, but that couldn't

be further from the truth.

Nope, I'm just here to have lunch. Lunch
and nothing more.

Before I do, how's it going?

Getting along okay?

Breaking some bread? Sharing a few
laughs? Not being threatened? No cuts,

bruises, or contusions of any kind? Oh,
nice.

Assuming that just because we're two
women, we're going to wind up rolling on

the floor, scratching and spitting. Very
modern thinking.

Don't worry, Miles.

If we have any problems, we'll settle
them like men. We'll bottle up our

feelings, get heart attacks, and die.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to
the ladies' room so you two can talk

about me.

Whoa. She is pretty great, isn't she?

Oh, yeah.

She's great.

Uh -oh.

What's wrong?

What's the matter?

I don't know.

I probably shouldn't even get into it.
It's none of my business.

Murphy, if it affects the show, it's my
business.

Tell me, is there a problem?

Actually, Hillary has a problem.

A drinking problem.

She told you that?

Not exactly.

I can just tell.

What do you mean you can just tell? What
does that mean?

It means that I have an intuition.

Oh. Oh. Oh, I see. An intuition.

Well, whoa. I guess I've been going
about this news game all wrong. I've

spending a lot of time digging for
facts.

But, hey, I'm hoping to change.

Next week, we'll have you read Mary
Cuomo's tea leaves.

And after that, you can amaze us by
bending a fork with your thumb. I know

I'm talking about, Miles.

You didn't see her face when Phil
brought her a drink. It was like someone

throwing her a life preserver.

You know what I think?

I think you're feeling a little
threatened by her. So maybe you saw

that wasn't there.

Miles, I'm telling you, I've seen that
look in the eyes before.

Mostly in the mirror.

So, Miles, did Murphy manage to set you
straight? You know, we're practically a

team already.

I think this week is going to be great.

Well, I'll tell you what, Hillary.

To celebrate, why don't I buy you a
drink? Oh, thanks, Miles, but I've got

on the way. Anything more than that and
I'll be standing on the table singing,

Oh, Canada, an experience you definitely
don't want. No, I can tell when I've

reached my limit.

Well, then, I guess I'll just be on my
way.

to continue my job of reporting the news
in a fact -based and non -voodoo -like

manner.

We're live with a bit... Corky, have you
seen Hillary yet today?

Why do you care, Frank?

You broke your lunch date with her two
days ago. You were supposed to have

drinks with her last night, and you
canceled that, too. By now, she probably

thinks you hate her. Perfect. Everything
is going exactly according to plan.

What plan? What are you talking about?

It's simple. Whenever I meet a woman
like Hillary...

strong, independent, incredibly
attractive, and I let her know I'm

Nothing. So this time, I decided to play
it cool.

It's just like a cat.

Ignore them, next thing you know,
they're sitting right in your lap.

Great plan, Frank.

But wouldn't it just be easier to put
some friskies down your pants?

Watch and learn, Corky. Watch and learn.

Oh, good morning, Corky. Morning!

Well, hi there, Frank.

I just saw a rough cut of your piece on
the Iraqi military.

It was very impressive.

Uh -huh.

You know, I was just about to invite him
back to my hotel room tonight for a

quiet dinner.

But that man has problems.

Who needs him?

Well, Frank's going through a rough
period right now.

As a matter of fact, I have to go tell
him his cat just died.

I'm glad you're here. I called you a
couple of times this morning. Didn't you

get my messages?

Um, actually, I did. I just didn't have
time to call you back. You wanted to

discuss strategy for the Admiral
Hutchinson interview, right? It's a good

The guy could be tough. Oh, I already
did the interview, and it went pretty

well. In fact, he ended up showing me
next year's manpower projections.

He showed you projections?

Did you hear that, Murphy?

Hillary's only been here six days, and
Admiral Hutchinson already showed her

Pentagon paperwork?

You know, you might want to get a quote
from Tom Foley just so you can get the

House's reaction to the defense budget.
I already did. Did you hear that,

Murphy? She already did. Plus, I talked
to Mitchell in the Senate. Did you hear

that, Murphy? She talked to Mitchell and
Foley.

I heard it, Miles. Maybe when you leave
FYI, you can get a job at the UN as a

translator for Scotland. Excuse me.

Would you excuse me for a minute?

Excuse me. Murphy, can we talk for a
minute?

Yeah, we just pulled my file on the
airport development budget. No, no, no.

This is personal.

Oh.

One of the reasons I wanted this
assignment was to spend time with you.

But whenever I make some kind of
gesture, you push me away. I don't

it, Murphy.

Because we have so much in common.

We're both anchor women. We share a lot
of the same experiences. We have the

same drinking problem.

What?

I think you know what I'm talking about,
Hillary.

That's why I've been keeping my
distance.

I've got an awful lot going on in my
life right now. I just don't think I can

face those demons again.

Oh, this is incredible.

I mean, I was prepared for a lot of
excuses, but this is pretty low stuff,

Ooh, righteous indignation. A bold
choice. I myself started with shock and

dismay and then worked my way up to
that.

I am a highly competent professional. Do
I really look like I have a drinking

problem? No.

And neither did I.

Because I was a master at covering all
my tracks so that I always got by.

I must say, you're getting by very
nicely, Hillary.

I know what this is about.

It's about jealousy, plain and simple.

You have to find some way to undercut
me, so this is it, right? Come on,

Hillary. Drop the act.

Let's have a real conversation.

I know where you're heading.

There's a crash coming, and believe me,
it's going to be a big one.

Why don't you let me help you? I'll tell
you who has the problem, Murphy. You

do. Just because you don't know how to
drink, nobody can, right? This isn't

about me. It's about you. Maybe you have
time for this garbage, Murphy, but I

don't.

You know, I did everything I could think
of to keep you from feeling threatened.

I guess it just wasn't enough, huh?

25 minutes to showtime, people!

Oh, wonderful.

25 minutes to me not being on the show.

25 minutes to me standing in some dark
corner of the stage watching a monitor.

25 minutes to me being... Oh, please,
Murphy.

Come on.

Well, it's hard.

I really love my Pentagon budget story.
I love it very much. Now someone else is

doing it. Where is Hillary, anyway?
She's in Murphy's office. She said she

to do some final rewrites.

The woman is fantastic. A real
perfectionist. Look, I don't want to

her while she's working. When you see
her, tell her we already went down to

studio. Okay, Murphy?

Okay.

Must have fallen asleep.

I've just been working so hard here.

Yeah. Uh -huh. Working hard.

Smells lovely in here.

Reminds me of the stock room at the
liquor barn.

Here it is.

Ooh. Expensive stuff.

Well, at least you're a discriminating
drunk. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

I had a little drink.

I just needed to relax, and I will be
fine by showtime. You've got 15 minutes.

Oh, God.

Looking for the bottle, are you?

Boy, this takes me back.

I can't do the show without a drink.

I can't go to sleep without a drink.

And my personal favorite, I can't go out
for a drink without a drink.

You know, perfect is holier -than -thou
attitude of yours. I've had about all

that I can take.

If you don't mind, take a hike, because
I've got a broadcast to do.

Hillary, you can't go on the air
tonight.

Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? You'd
like that a lot.

Oh, what the hell am I doing?

I don't need to go through this again.
I'm out of here.

I just want to say one thing.

I know you, Hillary.

I know all the pushing and the work and
everything you've given up just to get

to this point.

All the years of missing people's
birthdays, finding yourself alone in

airport on Saturday nights.

All that sacrifice just to get a chance
like this.

And you're blowing it in one hour.

Good for you.

Where are you going?

Okay, okay.

I got myself into a little trouble
tonight, but you know how it is. I mean,

business is so hard, especially for a
woman and the pressure of live

Sorry, Hillary.

You put the blame where you want.

In the end, it's just you and the
mirror.

You can only beat this if you're going
to admit you need help.

Oh, I think I just need a little
vacation.

I haven't had any time off in three
years. Maybe a little rest. Oh, boy, I

have the energy for this.

I can't even tie my own... I can't even
see my own shoes.

Look, Hillary.

I can get you through this.

But you've got to admit you need help or
I'm not putting myself through another

80 -proof ringer.

What's it going to be?

I know you're right, Murphy.

I need to be a better person.

Hillary.

That's not what I said.

Listen to me.

You need help.

Say it. I understand.

Counseling is probably the way to go.
You know, I tried it once, but the

therapist was such an idiot. Hillary.

I need help.

Say it.

I... I just wanted to be great tonight.

Say it.

I need help.

All right.

All right, this is good.

This is the first step. There's 11
others, but we'll get around to that

Okay, I'm a little out of practice, but
here's what we do.

We try to find a good excuse for your
not doing the show tonight.

I'll fill in for you this week. You do
the show next week.

Now, the key is to find a believable
excuse.

I've got it.

Food poisoning. It's quick, dramatic,
and no one wants to know the details.

It's amazing how this all comes back to
you.

Murphy, I don't know how to thank you.

Oh, that's easy.

Don't let me make you a reservation at
Betty Ford.

I'll try to get you my old room.

He carved a couple of pretty raunchy
limericks in the middle desk drawer.

Now, I'll need your notes.

I've got to get to the set.

Who am I interviewing again?

The Secretary of Defense.

What's his name?

Oh, God, it's right on the tip of my
tongue.

It begins with a C.

I've known the man for years.

Richard something.

Chamberlain. No.