All language subtitles for murphy_brown_s04e23_he-ho_he-ho_its_off_to_lamaze_we_go

Murphy, as a medical professional, I
feel it's my duty to tell you if you

stop eating so much, the next time I
weigh you, it's going to be down at the

zoo.

Oh, sure. Blame me.

You're the one that has a giant bowl of
carrot clusters in the waiting room. By

the way, it needs refilling. Now,
listen.

The worse shape you're in, the harder
your delivery's going to be. Haven't

talked about that in your Lamaze class?

Oh, right, the Lamaze class. You know, I
was going to sign up, and then I

started thinking, this whole natural
childbirth thing doesn't seem very

practical. We're both busy women. So I
just thought maybe we should go ahead

schedule a cesarean right now.

Let me get this straight. You want to
schedule a C -section?

Uh -huh. Now, my due date is the 17th,
but that's a Sunday, and all the good

stores are closed, which means I'll wind
up with a room full of junk from the

hospital gift shop. So I thought maybe
we could do it on Monday, the 18th, and

I'm not really a morning person, so
could we do it after lunch?

Why not wait until after dinner? I'm
always a little looser after a couple of

glasses of Chardonnay.

Murphy, we do not schedule C -sections
unless there's a solid medical reason

it. I'm surprised at you. I would have
thought you would want the whole natural

childbirth experience.

All right, the unforgettable thrill of
passing a bowling ball. Oh, boy, sign me

up.

Look, Murphy, if you didn't want to go
through the harvest, you shouldn't have

let that farmer plant your field.

Gee, to get yourself a partner and sign
up for one of those Lamaze classes as

soon as possible.

Okay, okay, but I still say it's a waste
of time.

I already know how to breathe, and I'm
the last person in the world that needs

to learn how to push.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Hey, Mer, how's it going?

Working at the old computer, huh?

Good.

Just thought I'd drop by.

See how things went at the doctor today?

176 pounds, Frank.

Unbelievable. Earl in the mailroom wins
the pool again.

Frank, I have to ask you something.

It's kind of silly, and I'll understand
if you say no, but I signed up for one

of those natural childbirth classes
where you need a coach, and I was

would you... Are you kidding?

Of course I'll do it. I mean, to
actually help bring a child into the

I... I can't imagine anything that would
be more incredible.

And the fact that it's your kid.

Oh, Murph, I can't tell you what this
means to me.

Great. The first class is this Saturday.

I can't make it. What do you mean you
can't make it?

I've got to be in Connecticut for the
closing of that naval shipyard. But I

make all the rest of the classes. You
just take notes and I'll catch up when I

get back.

I don't know, Frank.

I don't think this is going to work. I'm
taking one of those compressed classes

that covers everything in two weekends.
You'll miss too much. Oh, man.

My best friend, a once -in -a -lifetime
experience, and I won't be there.

Murph, I'm going to make this up to you.
I'm going to find somebody to take my

place, somebody who's not out of town
half the time.

What about Jim?

Okay, it's worth a shot. Why not?

Jim, buddy, guess what?

Murphy just stepped back from the
doctor, and she has got some great news

you, don't you, Murph?

Well... I won the pool!

Yes! And Earl in the mail room said 200
pounds was over the top.

Jim, Jim, you didn't win the pool.

Murphy wants you to be her Lamaze
partner.

Oh.

Oh, my.

What an unexpected surprise.

Oh, Jim, I didn't mean to embarrass you.
It's okay. It was just a stupid idea.

No, no, no. Murphy, I'm deeply
flattered. It's just that...

I come from a generation that doesn't
handle this sort of thing very well,

honestly.

Doris and I were married five years
before we stopped undressing in the

It's okay, Jim. I understand.

No, I'm sorry, Murphy, but if there's
anything else you need, you can count on

me. Why, I'll even drive you and the
little fellow home from the hospital, as

long as we can find some way to protect
my upholstery against any unforeseen

baby leakage.

As a matter of fact, I think the seats
are already treated, and if they're not,

perhaps there's still time. Why don't I
call my dealership and find out right

now?

All right, so Jim's out. There are a lot
of other possibilities.

What about Miles?

He's used to dealing with pressure.

Miles, come here, sir.

Go ahead, ask him.

Ask me what?

Miles, would you like to be my Lamaze
partner?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Murphy, that you would ask me to do
this?

It means so much.

This isn't something you ask your boss.

This is something you ask a friend, a
close friend, someone you really...

couldn't do it, right?

Scheduling problems.

It's okay, I understand.

I mean, you've known each other since
you got here. But the fact that you

pick me second, that is still so... Jim
was second, wasn't he?

Kyle, first choice, third choice, who
cares?

The point is, you're the one who's going
to do it. You're the one she's going to

be depending on.

That's all that matters.

You're right, Frank. I was just being
selfish.

This isn't about me. It's about Murphy.

Hi. What are you all talking about?

Miles is going to be Murphy's Lamaze
partner.

Really?

Oh, Miles, that is so wonderful.

Sharing an experience as incredible as
this.

Holding her hand through those long
hours of labor.

Cooling her forehead as the contractions
build.

when the baby's head actually emerges
from the breast. Oh,

I envy you.

Gee, it is going to be amazing, isn't
it, Murphy?

You and me?

Can you imagine that first story meeting
after the baby's born?

Oh, I'll look across the table and I...
I won't just see Murphy Brown, hard

-nosed journalist and colleague.

No, I'll see a woman whose innermost
secrets were spread out in front of me

a buffet table.

Maybe we should just forget about this.
I'm going to spend the rest of my life

trying.

Okay, this is not a problem.

We've still got lots of options.

Of course you do.

And one of them is standing right here.

Who better than a woman to give you the
compassion you'll need in your time of

trial?

And don't forget, Murphy, I was brought
up on a farm.

I've had my arm in a cow all the way up
to here.

Ellen?

Ellen, are you here?

Ah, you're home.

You will be very happy to know that I
adjusted the angle of that prism that I

hung in the nursery window.

Tomorrow morning, the room will be
flooded with rainbows.

And I think I got rid of that reflection
that caused that trash can fire next

door.

Do you have a minute? I wanted to talk
to you about something.

Sure. Great. Why don't we just go sit on
the sofa, put our feet up, and have a

chat, okay?

Okay.

Comfy?

Why are you being so nice? Oh, God, did
you hit my truck again?

Ellen, isn't it funny how when you have
a problem and you don't think there's a

solution, Sometimes you look in front of
you and you see that the answer has

been there the whole time.

Eldon, what I'm trying to say is...
Eldon, I want you to be my Lamaze

Oh.

So... My moment of truth has come at
last.

You know, for some reason, I never
pictured it like this.

I thought we'd be in the kitchen. I
don't know why.

I know we're kind of an unlikely pair,
but... Since you've been so excited and

concerned about this baby, I thought
this might be something you'd want to

So did I. I mean, wow, I always figured
that when this tiny

person took its first breath that I
would be there. But now that it's

happening, I realize, well, we're
talking major commitment here. You know,

always been a free spirit. I'm a
rambling man. I don't stick around in

very long. Melvin, you've been painting
my house for four years.

Okay. Okay, but I could have left if I
wanted to. See, that's my point.

If I do this, then I'm part of something
much bigger than I am.

And maybe I'd never be able to leave
again.

Wow, is that something I really want?

All right, all right, I understand.

As a matter of fact, I don't even know
if I'm going to take this class myself.

I'm only doing it because my doctor
wanted me to.

It'd probably be a complete waste of
time.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

What are you saying, that you're going
to go into this thing totally alone and

unprepared? You know what a screamer you
are.

You'll probably alienate everyone at the
hospital, create an environment of

hostility, bitterness.

I can't let a child be born into a room
with that kind of energy.

Eldon, are you telling me you'll do it?

I'll take the class and see how it
feels, but that's all I can promise

now. Thank you.

I know what a big step this is for you.

What are you kidding? The last time I
made this kind of commitment, I had to

four albums a year at regular club
prices.

Now, before we begin, I want to
congratulate you all on choosing Natural

Childbirth.

It's going to be one of the most magical
and profound experiences of your lives.

All you need is your innate ability to
love.

And support each other?

Oh, sure, take the cop aside. Serious
crimes are being committed, and he

his days stopping pregnant women from
minor traffic violations.

You made a U -turn across four lanes.
How else was I going to get that parking

space? Hi, I'm sorry we're late.

Oh, it's no problem. We were just
getting started.

Honey, it's Murphy Brown.

Hey, how about that?

We got a celebrity in the class.

Maybe we should get started.

Murphy, why don't you and Mr. Brown take
a seat? Whoa, whoa, whoa. My name is

Eldon Bernicke. I am not her husband.

I'm the house painter.

Hey, it's okay, man.

As long as you love each other, right?

Oh, what a series of strange and twisted
events that has brought me to this

place today.

I'll be teaching you techniques to help
alleviate the anxiety surrounding the

birth process.

One technique is to visualize something
that makes you feel secure or happy.

What are some of the things you'd
visualize?

Elizabeth? Well, I would picture our
beautiful and brilliant new baby asleep

her custom -made crib with sheets by
Laura Ashley.

Good answer.

Practical, stylish, emotionally
arresting. How many points do we get for

not keeping score, Jonathan.

Lisa? Well, I think I'd like to
visualize our little dog, Pepper,

way he wags his tail when it's dinner
time.

That's a great image.

Sally? My rose garden on a sunny day
with the beams of light sort of dancing

the red and pink petals.

Wonderful. And what are you seeing,
Morphy?

A big fat IV full of painkillers.

Karen, you're a little bit of fear.

After all, this is a life -altering
experience. It's natural to have some

concerns. Let's express our fears now
and confront them. Anyone?

Well, actually, we do have some fears.

This is our first baby.

Dave and I always concentrated on our
careers, and I was going to say that.

And? Well, at our age, we know it won't
be easy, but we're a team, and we're

going to face this thing together.

Excuse me, Dave.

Together? What exactly do you mean by
that? You'll push out the baby for a few

hours while Sally strolls across the
street to the driving range to hit a

of balls?

I just want to remind everyone I'm not
her husband.

Murphy, I think all Dave is saying is
that he wants to do whatever he can to

make it easy for his wife.

In committing to this process, the birth
coach takes on tremendous

responsibility. The mother may become
completely dependent on him, looking to

him to help her through the most
challenging hours of her life.

Yes, Elvin?

Uh, yeah, I have a few questions.

Is the baby slippery when it comes out?

And will I be wearing a glove or some
sort of mitt to catch the baby?

Has anyone ever dropped a baby?

And can a baby see, like, if I was to
take off? And would it remember that

in life?

You're going to do fine, Alvin. Huh?

Touch relaxation is a way of reducing
anxiety.

Light stroking of the hair should be
done in a gentle, even rhythm to achieve

calming effect.

practicing a relaxation technique.

Well, geez, why don't you just toss me a
biscuit and check my belly for tics?

You know, I don't understand this. I'm
the only one who's doing any work here.

Oh, why should I work? Everything
they're teaching is just common sense.

When the time comes, the baby will be
born, and that's it.

Sorry for the delay.

I was on the phone with Robin.

He and Lisa had their baby.

Oh, wait a minute.

What do you mean they had their baby?

She's not due until the week after I am.

This might be a good time to remind
everyone that a due date is just an

approximation. The important thing is
that Robbie and Lisa came through with

flying colors.

Oh, yeah? Let's hear some specifics. How
long did it take?

Not unusually long for a first baby.

Well, what does that mean? 10 hours? 15?
20?

39?

Did you hear that?

39 hours. That's a bus ride to Boise.

This may be tougher than we thought.

Gee, no kidding.

Tell me, Dave, have you ever tried to
get out of your car through the exhaust

pipe?

Why don't we practice the breathing
techniques we learned last week?

Let's start with the pattern for active
labor.

Okay, what do we do?

Oh, I see. You don't pay attention. You
don't read the literature. Then expect

me to come to your aid.

Eldon, would you please?

Okay, you do this.

Heat, heat, heat.

Hold it.

Come on, that can't be right.

What are you doing?

Stop watching me.

Chris, she's copying us!

I was not. I was simply admiring their
technique.

Maybe there's something I can do to show
you how important all this is. Get

comfortable, everybody.

The first sensations are felt.

You're about to begin your labor of
love.

Hang in there, honey. You're doing
great.

She's beautiful, honey.

And so are you.

So there you have it. The birth
experience.

Close and personal.

It's one thing to talk about it in
theory and another to actually witness

process with all its wonders and its...
What the...

the breathing exercises right now. And
after that, I need to review the

positions. I can't remember if you...
Hey, come on. We covered that stuff

already. You know, Dave, you've got an
awful lot to say for somebody without a

uterus. All right, now let's buckle down
here.

Transition labor. Who can tell me what
that is?

I'm sorry, Murphy.

It's almost 5 o 'clock. Time to call an
end to our training.

I hope you all found the class helpful,
and I wish you the best of luck. Luck?

for this class. If this was about luck,
I'd be having this baby on the crap

table at Caesars. Are you not dreaming?

I have a lot of questions.

Thanks a lot, Chris. I learned a lot.

Okay, okay. During active labor, I can
stand, walk, sit in a rocking chair...

Well, I'll tell you how it all goes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I'm at four

centimeters, I have how many minutes...
You are an excellent teacher, Chris. I

feel totally prepared.

Will you stop sucking up? I'm in the
middle of a question.

I'm going to videotape the whole thing.
I'll send you a copy.

Great.

you should take another class. Yes,
another class. That's exactly what I

When are you teaching again?

Murphy, may I tell you something?

I'd rather give birth to a two -ton
flatbed truck than to go through another

class with you.

No, no, that's not enough.

A two -ton truck loaded with farm
equipment.

No, no, no. Loaded with one of those big
tractors they use to pull the space

shuttle under the launch pad.

It was nice meeting you, and good luck.

You're gonna need it.

Oh, Doug.

This... This is incredible.

For the past eight months, I've been
going along saying, I'm fine.

But this is really gonna happen.

Eldon.

if I'm ready for this baby.

Well, you don't know. What about me?

I mean, I came to this class expecting
to figure some things out.

And look at me. I can't even figure out
how to get this baby out of this stupid

sweater.

You know, I always act like such a jerk.

Making fun of love and togetherness and
all that stuff.

I guess it just makes me uncomfortable.

I've always done things on my own.

And usually...

It's been okay.

But I don't know.

Maybe I'll finally hit that place in my
life where it's time to admit I need

somebody.

Alvin, I'd like that somebody to be you.

As an artist, I tend to look at people
as works in progress.

Some don't turn into very much, and
others can really surprise you.

You know, when I first met you, I
thought, well, you had some interesting

colors, but I have to be honest, I
really wasn't very impressed.

But lately, those tones have been
getting much deeper.

It's a real nice look for you.

What are you saying, Eldon?

Are you saying you'll do it? You'll be
there for me?

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Okay.

Thank you.

Come on, I'll take you home.

I'm still pretty scared about this whole
thing, you know.

I know.

Just breathe.

Hang in there, honey. You're going to be
just fine.

Honey? It was in the movie.

Up next on Roseanne, there's trouble at
the Connor household.

Alien lifeforms have invaded and they're
taking over.

Good Lord, they're after the corn.

Actually, we're just messing with you.
That's not what happened at all. They're

really after the broccoli.

Roseanne is next on Nick at Night.