Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:20,154
Welcome to Smigus-Dyngus!
2
00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:21,255
(laughs)
3
00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,390
It's my favorite Polish
family holiday.
4
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:23,824
As you know,
5
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,726
this is a bittersweet
Dyngus for me.
6
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,828
Uh, it's my first one
without my mom or my pop.
7
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:28,929
But I am happy
8
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:30,231
to be reunited
9
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:31,065
with Stosh,
Mmm.
10
00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:32,666
my kuzyn,
11
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,868
and now I have two
wonderful new friends.
12
00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:37,105
So it is the dawn
of a new Dyngus.
13
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:38,839
Let's get our
Dyngus on, people.
14
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,874
Oh, uh, first a toast.
15
00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:42,743
Uh, as our Grandma Tekla
16
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,178
used to say...
17
00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,747
(speaks Polish)
18
00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:50,784
(continues speaking Polish)
19
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:59,727
(shouting in Polish)
20
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,429
(Caryn and Zara gasp)
21
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,197
Guys, stop.
22
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:04,298
(shouting in Polish)
23
00:01:04,332 --> 00:01:06,134
(Caryn and Zara scream)
24
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:09,270
And scene.
(laughs)
25
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:10,738
(gasps)
What?!
26
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:13,307
Welcome to our
reenactment
27
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,976
of every Lewandoski
family gathering ever.
28
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:18,579
(Polish polka music playing)
29
00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:27,155
(toasts in Polish)
30
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:33,894
It's-it's a heavy wall.
She can't get out.
31
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,796
(indistinct chatter)
32
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,132
* He's leaving
33
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:39,733
* Leaving *
(giggles)
34
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:42,303
* On that midnight train
to Georgia *
35
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:43,671
* Leaving on
that midnight train *
36
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:46,607
* To Georgia *
* Hey...
37
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:47,808
(imitates train whistle)
38
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:49,009
* Let it all out
39
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:50,244
* Shake, shout
40
00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:52,913
* Shake, shake, shake, shout
41
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,516
* Turn up now
before you pop... *
42
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,422
(singing in Polish)
43
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:04,592
(singing nonsense)
44
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,626
That's not Polish.
45
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:08,128
It's Pole...ish.
46
00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:09,297
Look at us, guys.
47
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,031
We're like
a family now.
48
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:13,133
I mean, maybe someday
when we all have children,
49
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:15,135
I can share my Dyngus
with them, too.
50
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:17,938
Zara, can we borrow the
van for a couple hours?
51
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,840
Sure thing, butch.
52
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:21,175
(shouts)
53
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:22,443
(loud crash)
Oh!
54
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:23,511
Got 'em.
55
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,979
Hmm.
Good-bye.
56
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,348
And what's my Oscar
the Grouch puppet doing
57
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,449
in this trash can?
Come on.
58
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:29,817
* Night...
Let's get in the van.
59
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,525
Uh-oh.
60
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:40,394
Someone broke in and added
more stairs to our house.
61
00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:42,330
Hey, which one of us
should be the "drover"?
62
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:45,366
The sober one should
be the "drover."
63
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:47,235
Where are we heading?
64
00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:48,636
To see my son.
65
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:49,570
Awesome.
66
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,639
Let's do it.
67
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,341
Wait, you have a son?
68
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,342
Get in!
69
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,076
(shouting)
70
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,811
(laughing)
71
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,180
Get up!
72
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:01,415
What happened?
73
00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:03,351
(laughing):
You made me laugh.
74
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,719
I pierogied my pants.
75
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,989
(both sigh)
76
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,424
I just can't
get over it.
77
00:03:10,458 --> 00:03:12,226
You have an actual son?
78
00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:15,195
Which means I have an actual
first cousin once-removed.
79
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:16,997
Huh! Where does this end?
80
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,266
Probably right there.
81
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:19,867
Tell me all about him.
82
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,769
Like, everything--
I want to know every detail.
83
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,572
I knocked up a cocktail waitress
when I was 23.
84
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,507
She had the kid but said
I couldn't see him
85
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,609
because I was
an irresponsible douche bag.
86
00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:30,244
Which I was.
87
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:32,246
And so I didn't.
88
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,414
That's every detail.
89
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,882
Wow.
90
00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:38,151
Tell it again.
91
00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:41,855
I knocked up a cocktail
waitress when I was 23.
92
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,891
She had the kid but
said I couldn't see him
93
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,526
because I was an
irresponsible douche bag.
94
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,295
(laughs)
Love that part.
95
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,431
So I always wanted a cat,
but it turned out
96
00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:51,799
that my father was
allergic to cats.
97
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,467
So they got me a turtle instead.
98
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:54,868
But then it turned out
that the turtle was allergic
99
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,404
to my father, and it died.
Weird, right?
100
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:57,905
Did you ever have a cat?
101
00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:01,041
I wanted one, but the
sultan forbade felines
102
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,943
within the palace walls,
103
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,346
so I had to play
with the slaves.
104
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:09,116
I actually have no idea
if you're kidding.
105
00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:10,384
(chuckles)
106
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,619
I am,
107
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:14,422
but your story's still
weirder, nutcase.
108
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:19,393
(laughs) Oh, I am so glad we
became Dyngus sisters tonight.
109
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:20,628
Mmm.
110
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:22,396
The Dyng bring us
together.
111
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:23,397
(snorts)
112
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:24,632
(laughs)
113
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:27,134
Ow.
Ooh, "ow" can be our safeword.
114
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:28,402
Ow.
115
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:29,603
Yep.
116
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:33,741
Wake up.
117
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,175
Clear history!
Shh-shh-shh.
118
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,777
This is his school.
119
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:38,946
Oh, man.
120
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,749
He's in there somewhere.
121
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,150
Mm-hmm.
122
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:44,184
You excited?
123
00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:45,353
Yeah, I am.
124
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:46,954
(laughs)
125
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,756
You know, the Dyngus party
really got me thinking.
126
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,658
I got a son, Eric.
127
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:53,527
He should know that his own
father cares about him, right?
128
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,329
Well, definitely,
he should know.
129
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,530
And he will know.
130
00:04:56,564 --> 00:04:57,531
Here, go give
him this 50.
131
00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:59,800
What, you don't want
to meet him?
132
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,134
I told you-- I
can't, all right?
133
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:02,336
Just go on,
give him the 50.
134
00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:03,437
Actually, you
know what?
135
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:04,772
Make it a hundred.
136
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,173
I only got one
kid, right?
137
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:09,377
Actually, that
might not be right.
138
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,545
How do I find him?
Like, what's he look like?
139
00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:13,447
I don't know.
140
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:14,815
Cavelli-- last
name's Cavelli.
141
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,050
I'll do the old
fake cough routine.
142
00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:20,354
(laughs)
143
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:25,459
(coughing):
Cavelli? Cavelli?
144
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:26,527
Damn it.
145
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,396
It sounds like
I'm actually coughing.
146
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:30,564
Does it?
147
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,267
ERIC (coughing):
Cavelli.
148
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:40,574
Oh, hey.
149
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:42,209
Regina, hey,
how are you this morning?
150
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:43,644
What the hell are
you doing here?
151
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,379
Look, I'm not trying
to see the kid, all right?
152
00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:47,247
I'm just dropping off
an anonymous gift.
153
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,982
Don't make a big stink
about it-- I've done it before.
154
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,418
Uh, yeah, I
know, Stosh.
155
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:51,819
And I know it's you
who throws a brick
156
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:52,986
through our window
every Christmas.
157
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,221
With a gift attached, yeah.
158
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,723
(scoffs)
And a second brick
159
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,558
with a receipt
in case he doesn't like it.
160
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:00,561
(coughing):
Cavelli.
Can I help you?
161
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,596
Indeed, you
can, Officer.
162
00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:05,566
I am looking for one
beautiful young boy
163
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:09,503
who might want to go home
with a hundred dollars.
164
00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:11,004
Look, just knock it off with
the drive-by gifting, huh?
165
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,873
It's stupid.
What else you want me to do?
166
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,074
You won't let me see him.
167
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,443
Oh, like you even
want to see him.
168
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:16,410
I do want to see him.
Yeah, right.
169
00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:17,578
Yeah, right.
Okay, fine.
170
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,447
Okay, fine. What?
171
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,181
Take him, go ahead.
172
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,617
Try to be an actual parent
for a couple of days.
173
00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:24,418
Meet me here at 3:00.
174
00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:25,886
ERIC:
Stosh!
3:00.
175
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,455
Stosh, help me!
(Taser crackling)
176
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,962
So, Frank.
177
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:38,031
Sorry we haven't done this
sooner, but you know how it is.
178
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:41,602
I've been busy, I'm sure
you've been slammed.
179
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:45,405
The important thing
is... we're here now.
180
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:49,109
You know, we got two whole days
to get to know each other.
181
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,479
Wh-Why don't you
kick it off, huh?
182
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:52,613
Tell me about yourself.
183
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:53,814
You got any hobbies?
184
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,584
Yeah, I'm
a frickin' ballerina.
185
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:58,051
Okay, I'll kick it off.
186
00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,987
I'm in the dental
sales field.
187
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,122
I was a sales rep for
a dental products firm
188
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:03,657
called Sunny Smile.
189
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:05,826
We sold, uh, non-acrylic
teeth-whitening products
190
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,728
to dentists and
commercial retailers.
191
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:12,132
Currently, I'm exploring
opportunities in other fields.
192
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:15,803
Wow, that was worth
the 12-year wait.
193
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:18,271
Okay.
194
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:22,943
Okay, I think we need to address
the elephant in the room.
195
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:25,112
You're angry with me.
196
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:28,516
I'm your father, and I wasn't
a part of your life.
197
00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:31,619
I left you high and dry.
198
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,821
And you probably see
other kids out there
199
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:35,255
playing with
their dads,
200
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,158
you know, maybe playing
a game of catch
201
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,994
or getting an ice cream cone.
202
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,832
And it hurts like a bitch,
doesn't it?
203
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:46,634
I know. Believe me,
204
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,869
I get it.
205
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,607
I get it.
206
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:56,376
(sighs)
207
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,550
So, we good?
208
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,352
(door opens)
209
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,287
CARYN:
Hey.
210
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,289
I am so glad you're home.
211
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,291
I pierogied, and I can't get up.
212
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,694
I... got you something.
213
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:15,796
What is it?
It's a card.
214
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,197
A greeting card.
215
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:18,666
Here, let me.
216
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,333
I mean, I know
how they work,
217
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,802
but what's
the occasion?
218
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,571
Nothing, really.
219
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:27,575
I just had a few thoughts on you
and me and our friendship.
220
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:28,508
Oh.
Here.
221
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,010
Oh.
You can read it.
222
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,747
Holy crap.
223
00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:37,017
I had taken an Adderall,
but it is all from the heart.
224
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,351
Wow.
225
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:41,221
Caryn, do you mind
if I read this later
226
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,190
so that I can really...
227
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,025
not read it right now?
228
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,193
Oh, yeah, totally,
absolutely.
229
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,460
Great.
230
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,364
So can I just tell you
what it says?
231
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:52,733
Yeah.
Okay.
232
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,334
Here's the thing--
233
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,570
I have always had terrible luck
with friendships.
234
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:59,607
A lot of my female friends
have either gotten married
235
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,775
or hated me.
236
00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:03,243
Terrible luck.
237
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:05,613
And last night,
when we were on the stairs,
238
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:08,448
I just felt like
we had a real connection.
239
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,018
We did, right?
Yeah.
240
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,453
Fourth stair club...!
Oh...
241
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:14,922
Oh.
242
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,857
So, anyway,
here's the thing.
243
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,627
I just wanted to tell you
that I'm really happy
244
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:22,796
you're in my life,
and last night was a lot of fun,
245
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:24,932
and I can't wait
to do it again soon.
246
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,366
Yeah, me, too.
When?
247
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,068
When what?
When can we do
it again?
248
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,470
Um...
Because I was
thinking, tonight,
249
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:33,440
you and me can hang out
and I can make tacos.
250
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,609
I just got a coupon
for shells.
251
00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:37,144
That sounds great.
252
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,779
Great, okay.
I'm gonna go shopping.
253
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:41,148
I have such a good feeling
about our friendship.
254
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,816
Just don't go
getting married on me.
255
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:44,451
Okay.
256
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:45,653
Seriously, don't.
257
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:46,654
Okay.
258
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,588
Okay.
259
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:57,665
Hey, is your mom still dancing
260
00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,066
down at the...?
261
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,467
Never mind.
262
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,235
Here we go.
263
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,837
Found some items
in the basement a young fellow
264
00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:05,272
like you might find
entertaining.
265
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,308
We got Trouble.
266
00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:11,278
The game, that is.
267
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,680
(laughs)
268
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:13,914
Ah, you know what?
269
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,249
I think the Pop-O-Matic
bubble's gone.
270
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,919
I used it in a lung transplant
when I was playing Operation.
271
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,520
He didn't make it.
272
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:21,855
Ooh!
273
00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:23,691
Movies.
274
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:26,493
Bambi-- hmm,
sad and scary but good.
275
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:27,828
Thumbelina--
276
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,863
oh, off the charts, scary-wise.
277
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:31,198
Memphis Belle,
Godfather...
278
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:32,700
You know what?
Let's do The Godfather.
279
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:33,767
Have you seen The Godfather?
280
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,302
No.
281
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,838
Where's it rank scary-wise,
compared to Thumbelina?
282
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:39,472
Not even close.
283
00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:42,009
CARLO (over TV):
We lost enough money
last week on the game.
284
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:44,111
(children shout, tires screech)
285
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,947
Carlo, come here, come here,
come here, come here.
286
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,983
(crowd clamoring)
287
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:59,727
So, what do you think?
288
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,661
If I could go back in time,
289
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,731
I would re-enter
my mother's womb,
290
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,899
pop out again,
spend every second
291
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:07,735
of my life watching
this movie.
292
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,169
I respect that choice.
293
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,872
I take it back.
294
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:14,141
I don't want
to watch the movie.
295
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,876
I want to live in it.
296
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,545
I want to be
Sonny Corleone.
297
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:20,748
There's a scene coming up that
might make you change your mind.
298
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,149
ERIC:
Stosh?
299
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,751
I really think this is
a little too scary
300
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,719
for Frank to be watching.
301
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:31,224
You touch my sister again,
I'll kill you.
302
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:35,362
Oh, my God!
303
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:36,563
Again?
304
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,031
Crank her up!
305
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,534
Oh, God.
306
00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:50,243
*
307
00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,739
(gasping)
308
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:22,976
CARYN:
Hi!
309
00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:24,411
I have
310
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:27,948
such a big surprise for you!
311
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,883
Something's happening.
312
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,651
Remember how yesterday on
the stairs we were talking about
313
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:34,321
how we both always wanted cats
when we were growing up?
314
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,456
Well... ta-da!
315
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,158
Outside the grocery store
was this
316
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:39,592
pet adoption thing,
which was kismet,
317
00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:41,761
so I got us a cat
and named it...
318
00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:43,130
Kismet!
319
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:44,664
Kismet,
320
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:45,933
meet Zara.
321
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,435
Now, the guy said
to let him out very slowly
322
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,570
and let him sniff out
his environment.
323
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,639
Yeah. Oh! Oh! Wait! No!
324
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:54,607
Ooh.
325
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:57,244
I guess Kismet
wasn't meant to be.
326
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,279
(man speaking Italian)
327
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:06,920
Hey, Luca Brasi's
about to get whacked.
328
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,889
You're gonna miss it.
329
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:18,999
All right.
You know what?
330
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:20,700
I think it's time
we called it a night.
331
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:21,701
No, no. Not yet.
332
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:22,970
I want to see Apollonia get
333
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,204
blown to bits one more time.
334
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,006
You said that three
car bombs ago.
335
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,040
Now, come on.
Don't work me.
336
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:28,108
You got school tomorrow.
337
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,210
Lay down.
338
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,179
School bites.
339
00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:34,514
Can you take me to
Kiddie World instead?
340
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:37,017
The strip club? It's fully nude.
There's no booze.
341
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,719
Not Kitty World.
Kiddie World.
342
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:41,821
It's an amusement park.
343
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:42,890
Why the hell would
you want to go there?
344
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,324
I'm 12, you ass.
345
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:47,094
Okay. I'll take you
to Kiddie World.
346
00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:51,031
All right, now, come on.
347
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,000
Try to get some sleep, huh?
348
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,902
Good night, kid.
Good night, Dad.
349
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,344
How long you been
standing there?
350
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:05,345
Long enough
351
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:06,713
to hear a boy and his father
352
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:08,715
have a very special moment.
353
00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:09,749
He called you Dad.
354
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:10,750
No, no. No, no, no.
355
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:12,685
He called me dude.
356
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:14,721
It's like all my Dyngus dreams
are coming true.
357
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:16,756
All right, you know what?
Now you're bugging me.
358
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,091
I'm gonna get some fresh air.
359
00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:20,393
Next year, we're gonna have
a huge Dyngus.
360
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,108
Why are you sitting in there?
361
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:36,543
It's Taco Tuesday.
362
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:37,877
Oh, yeah?
363
00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:40,013
Am I very early or very late?
364
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,082
You don't know what's
going on in that house.
365
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:44,117
There's a Jewish woman
cooking Mexican food,
366
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:46,086
singing "Mambo Italiano."
367
00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:47,354
I had to run away.
368
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,888
I hear you.
369
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,958
I got two people up there
acting like we're family
370
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,892
just 'cause we're related
to each other.
371
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,561
(groans)
What is with people?
372
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,196
You share one nice
moment with them,
373
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,031
and then suddenly
they want to have
374
00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,767
more nice moments,
like, all the time.
375
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,535
It's a sickness.
Yes.
376
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:03,971
Thank you.
It is a sickness.
377
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,705
And it's a trap.
378
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,207
'Cause if you have
more nice moments with them,
379
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,942
eventually they'll figure out
what a worthless
380
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:11,979
piece of crap you are,
and then what do you got, right?
381
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:13,746
Emotional commitment
to other human beings.
382
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,215
(groans)
383
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,384
My number one pet peeve.
384
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,818
Well, that and
Capri pants.
385
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,153
Really?
386
00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:22,722
I think they're
a breezy summer look.
387
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:23,957
You would.
388
00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:25,425
(cell phone chiming)
389
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:28,028
Caryn video-calling me.
390
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,965
Guess I got to do
what I got to do.
391
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:33,133
Hi!
392
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:34,001
Hi! Whoa!
393
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,935
Where are you?
394
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:37,637
Craziest thing!
I went to visit
395
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:40,307
a friend of mine on his boat,
and we were out on the river,
396
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,142
and then the fog rolled in.
397
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:44,844
Now we're 20 klicks off course
and the river patrol...
398
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:47,147
Oh, my God!
He's calling a code 12!
399
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:48,415
What?! Oh, my goodness!
400
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,183
Well, the most important thing
401
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:52,019
is that you stay safe.
402
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,620
Yeah.
403
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,622
And that you make it back
for Taco Tuesday.
404
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,025
(imitates foghorn)
405
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,526
Oh! The wind's picking up.
406
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,094
Lower the mizzen mast!
407
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:04,097
Oh, shoot. I got to go
lower the mizzen mast.
408
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:05,999
Bye.
409
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,600
Iceberg right ahead!
410
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,136
I hung up.
Oh.
411
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:14,641
Okay! Anyone who's excited to go
412
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:16,143
to go to Kiddie Land
with their dad today,
413
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:17,977
raise his hand.
(whoops)
414
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:19,912
Who are you?
415
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:21,881
Oh, yeah.
416
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,650
(ringtone playing)
417
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,218
Oh, it's Stosh.
418
00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:26,986
I thought he was
down here with you.
419
00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:30,157
Hey!
420
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,192
Aw, hey, Frank.
Damnedest thing.
421
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,993
I got a phone call
late last night
422
00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:36,663
to come down here to Philly
for a job interview.
423
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,898
I would've told you,
but I didn't want to wake you.
424
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,467
I won't be home
till late tonight
425
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,035
after your mom picks you up.
426
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,836
But I bet there's someone there
427
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,239
who would love to take you
to Kiddie World!
428
00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:49,042
First cousin once removed
Eric Lewandoski at your service.
429
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,243
Sure.
430
00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:51,511
All right, have fun.
431
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,746
See you when I see you.
432
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,926
ERIC: So this is
what I was thinking.
433
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:09,096
Before we get on any rides,
we grab a couple churros,
434
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:12,399
and we take the Kiddie World
Choo-Choo around the park.
435
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:14,867
You know, just to get
the lay of the land.
436
00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:17,670
You think my dad was lying
about that job interview?
437
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:20,440
You know, to avoid
hanging out with me?
438
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:23,042
What? No!
No, he wouldn't do that.
439
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:24,944
Anyway, after that
choo-choo,
440
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:28,281
Alpine Thunder, Death Plunge,
Spinning Sisters,
441
00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:31,718
Goliath's Chariot
and then Satan's Revenge.
442
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,320
Awesome!
443
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,623
Awesome!
444
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,491
Gonna be so awesome.
445
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,129
(gasps)
Hey!
446
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,630
You made it.
447
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,298
Oh, yeah.
448
00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:47,934
Ooh, that was really scary.
449
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:49,969
That boat experience...
450
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:51,371
Do you think I'm an idiot?
451
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,140
I called river patrol.
452
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:54,874
There was no fog.
453
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,110
You went on a boat with
all your friends without me.
454
00:17:57,144 --> 00:17:58,645
I love boats.
455
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:00,280
I would've made tacos
for everyone. Your loss.
456
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:03,583
Caryn...
I wasn't on a boat at all.
457
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,552
I slept in my van.
458
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,287
Right outside.
What?
459
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,290
I didn't want to do
Taco Tuesday with you.
460
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:11,724
Why not?
461
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,326
Do you not like tacos?
462
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:14,794
Do you not
like Tuesdays?
463
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:17,130
Do you not like me?
464
00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:18,331
(stammers)
465
00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:20,133
Oh.
466
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,135
Wow!
467
00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,903
Ouch!
468
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,138
You know what?
469
00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:28,007
Maybe I should
just get my stuff and go.
470
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,176
Fine. Go.
471
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:32,145
I don't care. Go!
472
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:34,214
Why are you still
standing there? Go!
473
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:39,919
Are you actually gonna go?
474
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,955
Sorry we had to leave
after only 20 minutes.
475
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,191
Yeah, I've never seen
anyone freak out
476
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,426
on the Kiddie World
Choo-Choo before.
477
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,528
How bad was it?
478
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:50,197
You puked on a baby.
479
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:51,998
(laughs)
Well, he's young.
480
00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:54,501
He won't remember.
481
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,270
Okay, seriously, you are
actually moving out?
482
00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:59,772
Yes. I said I'm moving out.
You said, "Fine. Go."
483
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,941
I said it,
but I didn't mean it!
484
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,611
That's just how Jews fight!
Zara?
485
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,979
What is going on?
Why are you doing this?
486
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:08,815
Because I don't want to
keep hurting your feelings!
487
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:11,150
I cannot be the kind of friend
that you want me to be.
488
00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:13,220
I just want the friend
that I had
489
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:14,721
on the stairs the other night.
490
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,323
Well, I can't do it on command!
491
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:17,824
I didn't command you.
492
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,460
I just suggested
that we have Taco Tuesday.
493
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,861
Tuesdays! Tuesdays!
494
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:23,196
You had us eating tacos
495
00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:25,031
every Tuesday
until the sun burns out.
496
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:26,366
This is mine.
497
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:28,368
I just wanted
a nice scheduled event,
498
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:30,370
because that's what friends do.
499
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,071
That's what
community centers do.
500
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:34,207
Real moments between
real human beings
501
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:37,744
only happen organically
and spontaneously.
502
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:39,045
Well, I disagree.
503
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:40,413
But you know what? Fine.
504
00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:41,814
We've had our real moment,
505
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:44,417
so now you can just run away
like that stupid cat.
506
00:19:44,451 --> 00:19:46,085
You probably terrified
him on the ride home.
507
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:49,188
He was fleeing a lifetime
of Meow Chow Mondays.
508
00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:51,224
(laughs):
Oh, yeah.
509
00:19:51,258 --> 00:19:53,426
It was Frisky Feast Fridays!
510
00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:54,894
(door slams)
511
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:57,264
Oh, I hear it now.
512
00:19:57,297 --> 00:20:00,199
I don't know. It's been
a tough week, you know?
513
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,269
I ain't betting
the Yankees anymore.
514
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:03,370
What the hell?!
515
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,204
Son of a bitch was lying!
516
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:07,240
I knew it! Pull over!
517
00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:09,309
(tires screech)
518
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:12,712
Hey...
Come here!
519
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:14,247
Hey, kid, take it easy.
520
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:14,914
Come here! Come here!
Would you take it easy?
521
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:17,250
Aah! God, kid!
522
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:19,352
Hey! Come on!
523
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,321
Whoa! Whoa! Aah!
524
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:27,294
(grunting)
525
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:29,729
Um, who's that kid
beating the crap out of Stosh?
526
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,130
His son.
527
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:32,231
Oh.
528
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,367
ERIC:
Poor Stosh.
529
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:35,468
He's one of those
people that are
530
00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:37,537
terrified of
emotional commitment.
531
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,038
They run away at the first
feeling of closeness,
532
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,239
and they wind up hurting
533
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:42,442
the people that need
them the most.
534
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:45,312
Anyhooski, what's
going on with you?
535
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,816
Um, is that how
I made you feel?
536
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:51,551
(screaming)
537
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,119
Kind of.
538
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:55,121
I'm sorry.
539
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:56,756
Oh, I'm sorry, too!
540
00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:59,091
(grunting)
541
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,663
If you ever lie
542
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:07,166
about not being able to take me
to Kiddie World again,
543
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:09,336
I'll kill you.
544
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:10,570
Okay, so we're good, right?
545
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,972
We're good... Dad.
546
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,310
(groans)
547
00:21:17,344 --> 00:21:19,412
That's my boy!
548
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:22,214
Oh, thank God
we didn't watch Scarface.
549
00:21:25,184 --> 00:21:26,853
ERIC:
You all right?
550
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:29,088
You know,
you don't look that bad.
Thanks.
551
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,924
Yeah, I got this and, um,
a couple of broken ribs
552
00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:34,126
from Thunderfoot over there.
553
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:35,362
ZARA: Getting beat up's
a good look for you.
554
00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:36,696
Nice work, Frank.
555
00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:38,931
So, Frank,
556
00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:41,334
how are you enjoying school?
557
00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:42,702
I told you.
558
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:45,505
Don't ever ask me
about my business.
559
00:21:45,538 --> 00:21:47,474
He never told me that.
560
00:21:47,507 --> 00:21:49,509
I just met him.
561
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,111
Frank, where'd
that cat come from?
562
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:53,513
Good night.
563
00:21:53,546 --> 00:21:55,314
Hmm.
564
00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:57,584
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
37867
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof