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1
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,689
Hey. There she is.
2
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,558
Mysterious Lady of the East.
3
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,060
Queen of the Ganges.
4
00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:28,162
Our very own Taj Mahottie.
5
00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:30,231
And good racist morning to you.
6
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:31,699
Wow, that's really good.
7
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:33,901
You convey such despair.
8
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:35,236
Thank you.
9
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,537
No, I mean it.
10
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:37,738
It's really,
really good.
11
00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:39,507
You know, it's,
uh, it's a crime
12
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,709
that you sell that
on the street for peanuts.
13
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,244
It should be hanging
in galleries.
14
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:44,345
Mm.
You know?
15
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,247
It's too good
to waste on poor people.
16
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,683
Again, thank you, but I'm fine.
17
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,219
What are you doing
up this early?
18
00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:52,686
Usually, you don't emerge
19
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,555
from your bat cave
till mid-afternoon.
20
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,090
Yeah, I brought home
this waitress
21
00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:57,425
from Dugan's last night,
22
00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,260
and she stumbled out of here
pretty early.
23
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,561
Figured I'd be a gentleman
24
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,963
and pretend to be asleep
until she left.
Oh.
25
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,265
That's who that was.
26
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:05,633
I thought you were being robbed
27
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:07,268
by the ghost
of Eleanor Roosevelt.
28
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:08,702
(chuckles)
29
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,371
Yeah, I can see that.
30
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:11,705
You know, I'm just
31
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,574
not in the right head lately,
you know?
32
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,643
I mean, no job, no focus.
33
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,911
Six weeks ago,
I'm top sales rep,
34
00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:22,082
living in a phat condo
in Gotham, and now...
35
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:25,052
* Da, da-da, dah!
36
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,887
...I live with this.
37
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,057
So? How do I look?
38
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,426
You look very cute, Eric,
39
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,495
but, um, what the hell?
40
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:37,565
(with English accent):
Say hello to Lord Bartholomew
Gullswallow,
41
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:38,732
esteemed knight
42
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,768
in the Queens County
Human Chess League.
43
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,136
Ah.
44
00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,071
(normal voice):
We play every other Sunday
at Flushing Meadow Park.
45
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,506
Oh, you know what?
46
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,175
You guys should come
and watch some time.
47
00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:48,309
It's pretty exciting.
48
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,344
More exciting
than regular chess?!
49
00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:51,812
As a matter of fact, yes.
50
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,882
It's regular chess
with human-sized thrills.
51
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,485
Gullswallow!
ERIC:
Ah!
52
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:59,487
Good morrow,
my liege.
53
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,789
You're not gonna
believe our cabdriver.
54
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:04,825
He actually is convinced
that Viswanathan Anand
55
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:07,928
and Koneru Humpy should
be ranked above Karpov.
56
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,363
What?!
57
00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:10,598
He's probably drunk.
58
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,999
Anyway, come on,
let's go.
59
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:14,968
Ugh. I am so frickin' late
for work
60
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:16,270
again.
61
00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:17,305
Oh!
62
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,707
(sniffing)
Ah.
63
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,611
I'm guessing
you two are together.
64
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,647
Lord Nathaniel Reginald
Derwintwatter.
65
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,351
Or, if you prefer,
you may call me "Carl."
66
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:33,221
I prefer to go scrape teeth.
67
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,890
Scrape away.
68
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,926
Scrape away.
69
00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:51,272
Rook to king three.
70
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:57,545
What a game, huh?!
71
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,347
Classic Latvian gambit.
72
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,550
With all that
that implies.
73
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,885
Hey, how's your grandfather?
74
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:07,755
He's been on his feet
all morning.
75
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:10,057
I invented the thumb tack!
76
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:11,859
He's in bad shape.
77
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:13,561
Poor guy can't even
castle anymore
78
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:14,695
without getting winded.
79
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,730
Can you keep a secret?
80
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:19,367
Pawn to bishop three.
81
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:24,104
He's retiring in two weeks,
naming me the new king.
82
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:25,739
Congratulations!
83
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:28,909
Any interest in becoming
my successor as rook?
84
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,711
Me? A rook?
85
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:35,015
I've dreamed
about it, but... Yes.
86
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,418
Then fix me up with
your neighbor.
87
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:38,852
Ms. Nuzzolese?
88
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,521
No!
89
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,123
The one I met today. Caryn.
90
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:48,429
That honey-maned vixen whose
eyes dance with madness.
91
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,097
Rook to king four.
92
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,266
I'm being summoned
to the queenside assault.
93
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,101
I will await your response.
94
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:55,636
Until we meet again.
95
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:10,351
(sighs)
96
00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:18,759
I want to rep you!
97
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:21,495
I have a whistle.
No, I want
to rep you.
98
00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:23,631
Represent you as an artist.
Oh!
99
00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:25,966
Did seem strange that you would
give me a heads-up.
Look,
100
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,602
you need a representative.
I can do this.
101
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,137
What do you know about art?
Hey,
102
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,406
I may not know what
I like, but I know art.
103
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:33,674
You see what I did there?
104
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,509
Look, you're a great artist,
I'm a great salesman.
105
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:36,910
Come on, we can do this!
106
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,980
Thank you, um,
but I am doing fine here.
107
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:42,916
Look, the Mason Hotel
is having a competition
108
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,452
for up-and-coming
artists, all right?
109
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:48,322
The winner gets $20,000 to paint
a new work for the hotel lobby.
110
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:50,491
I want to enter you in this.
111
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:52,960
No, I am not good enough.
112
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:55,329
I see that "no," and
I'll raise you a "yes."
113
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,330
If they don't accept you,
114
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:58,599
it's like it never
happened, but if they do,
115
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,134
and you win, you're
$20,000 richer,
116
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,604
minus my industry-standard
commission of 25%,
117
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,639
which you could look
up, but I wouldn't.
118
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,808
Yet again, no.
119
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,210
So, just to same-page it, yes?
No!
120
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:12,179
Great. You know what? They need
to see a sample of your work.
121
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,515
I'll take this thing.
What?! Hey!
122
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,516
That is $100!
123
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:18,386
Take it out of my
30% commission!
124
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,058
Please?!
Ew! No!
125
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:27,327
I am not gonna date
that stupid bishop guy.
126
00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:28,228
He's a rook!
127
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,297
I would never set you up
with a bishop.
128
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,399
That's disgusting.
129
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,566
And besides,
130
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:33,901
he's gonna be king
in, like, two weeks.
131
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,035
You're always saying
132
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:36,504
how you want
to marry a successful man.
133
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:37,705
Can't do better
than a king, right?
134
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,339
Right, but I can do better
135
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:41,842
than a dweeb who dresses up
like a chess piece.
136
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,211
Aren't you gonna say
"no offense"?
137
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:46,380
No.
138
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:47,214
Look at me.
139
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:49,850
I have been a knight
for ten years,
140
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:51,852
and it has been my privilege.
141
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,521
But a knight is forever
relegated
142
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,188
to move in an L-shape pattern.
143
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,224
One up, two over.
144
00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:59,427
Two up, one over.
145
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,895
One back, two over.
146
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:05,065
Two back...
What's your point?!
147
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:07,535
My point is, I got a chance
to be a rook!
148
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:11,238
A rook can travel the entire
length of the board in one move!
149
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:13,907
Bet it feels like you're soaring
on the clouds of heaven.
150
00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:15,909
Or walking ten feet
in a bad Halloween costume.
151
00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:17,077
That's not funny!
152
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,012
All right,
'cause this is my life!
153
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,882
This is not a game!
154
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,051
Okay, I'll go out
with your weirdo friend.
155
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:24,852
Yeah?
156
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,019
I will not sleep with him.
157
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:28,021
Ah, you may not want
to say that.
158
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:31,124
Get a good look
at him in his tights?
(knocking)
159
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:33,927
Oh. What's up, freakies?
160
00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:36,964
Guess what. Caryn's gonna go
out with my friend, the rook.
161
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:39,700
Really? Always thought
you'd end up with a dreidel.
162
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,470
Where's Zara?
163
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:47,875
Very sexy. You should go
with this look more often.
164
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,443
What you want, Stosh?
165
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:52,312
What would you say if
I told you you're one of
166
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:55,148
the top five finalists for
the Mason Hotel art competition?
167
00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:57,284
I would say that
you're a lying son of a bitch.
168
00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,987
At this moment,
I am merely a son of a bitch.
169
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,422
No! Shut up! What?!
They accepted me?!
170
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:03,891
Yeah, come on.
(laughs)
171
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,425
What, you don't think
I know what I'm doing?
172
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:06,560
Of course they accepted you.
173
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,128
And they're gonna have
a reception this Saturday
174
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,730
where they're gonna meet the
artists and pick the winner.
175
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,064
Plus, open bar.
176
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,634
Aah! Thank you so much, Stosh!
Uh-huh. You're welcome.
177
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:14,968
Oh.
Oh. Wow.
Thank you.
178
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,136
You're welcome.
Thank you.
179
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,338
Look you'll get the
recognition you deserve,
180
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:21,141
and I'm gonna get my 35%
commission, so it's a win-win.
181
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,943
Need help getting
out of that thing?
182
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:25,012
No, I'm good.
Okay.
183
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:27,548
Oh.
184
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:40,594
ERIC: A rook can travel
the entire length of the board
185
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,095
in one move!
186
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,497
(echoing):
Move... move...
187
00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:47,167
* Take these broken wings
Move... move...
188
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:51,839
* And learn to fly again,
learn to live so free *
189
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:55,175
* When we hear
the voices sing... *
190
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:58,111
The entire length of the board
in one move...
191
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:01,815
(echoing):
Move.... move... move...
192
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:06,053
* Take these broken wings
193
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,688
* You got to learn to fly...
194
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:11,825
A rook... a rook... a rook...
195
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:15,963
* When we hear
the voices sing *
196
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:20,167
* The book of love will open up
for us and let... *
197
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,504
MAN: Get off the
chessboard, you freak!
198
00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:26,540
(distant honking)
199
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:31,545
That's right.
Keep going.
200
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:33,213
See, the fascinating thing
201
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,549
about noise-cancelling
headphones--
202
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:38,719
and I spend half my day at Tech
Town explaining this to people--
203
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,688
is that they
work by emanating
204
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:43,891
sound waves
in the exact frequency
205
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:46,994
of the ambient noise,
but in 180-degree
206
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,996
opposition to it. Huh?
207
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,832
I wish I had a pair right now.
208
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,500
If you play your cards right,
209
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,937
you may have a pair draped
across your head later tonight.
210
00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:00,173
Annette. I didn't know
211
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,274
you were working tonight.
212
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:03,243
This is, uh, Caryn, my date.
213
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:04,111
Hi.
214
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:05,512
Sorry, I can't talk right now.
215
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:09,216
I'm swamped. Another waitress
just deep-fried her hand.
216
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:11,218
She's a pawn
on our human chess team.
217
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:15,055
Her en passant is
an embarrassment.
218
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,290
I don't know what that means.
219
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:21,061
Huh. Thought they buried
that with Liberace.
220
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,430
You know Liberace was gay?
221
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,432
Do not repeat that.
222
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:26,867
(gasps)
223
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,602
Holy Buddha's nipples!
224
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:31,939
I've never seen one of my
paintings lit professionally.
225
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:33,573
It looks so good.
226
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:36,644
Now, look, you are amazing,
all right? You can do this.
227
00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:38,211
You can walk out of here
228
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:42,049
a commissioned artist
earning $20,000, minus my 40%.
229
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,117
You just got to dance
the dance a little.
230
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:48,055
Hey, for $20,000, I'll dance
in a G-string and pasties.
231
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,457
Actually, I have,
and for much less.
232
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,960
We should revisit
that subject.
Okay.
233
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,928
WOMAN:
Your work has
234
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:57,397
such fascinating complexity.
235
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,465
Yes, it is lousy
236
00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,934
with fascinating complexity,
isn't it?
237
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,569
Where did you grow up, Zara?
238
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:03,804
Yonkers.
Mumbai.
239
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:04,905
STOSH:
Well, eventually
240
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,574
Yonkers, but not until
she had survived
241
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,776
a harrowing childhood
242
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:11,478
on the streets of Mumbai,
keeping her two younger brothers
243
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:12,746
out of the hands
244
00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,514
of the vicious
Vindaloo cartel.
245
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:17,017
WOMAN:
Goodness. How did
you manage that?
246
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,920
Oh, um, I hid them
in the Caves of...
247
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,354
Gupta.
248
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:25,292
Gupta is lousy with caves.
Scotch?
249
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:27,194
Scotch?
250
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,830
So, our only chance of escape
was to hide
251
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,631
in the wheel well
of the plane.
252
00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:34,935
It was freezing,
but the promise of America
253
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:38,338
and her freedom kept my brother
and I alive.
254
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:40,307
I thought you said
you had a second brother.
255
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,174
Oh.
256
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,676
He was upgraded to coach.
257
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:44,011
Yeah, still, a
terrible ordeal.
258
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,179
No money for headphones...
259
00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:47,715
I believe
there was a crying baby
260
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,750
nearby, so...
Mm-hmm.
261
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,655
(sighs)
262
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,459
Oh!
263
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,694
Oh, God.
264
00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:02,129
So, how did the date go?
265
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,964
I've already repressed
the memory.
266
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,966
You owe me big-time for this.
267
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,869
Absolutely. You are gonna
get a huge mention
268
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,037
in my rook acceptance speech,
269
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:12,039
unless they play me off
before I get to you.
270
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,907
So, how did you leave things?
271
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:16,176
He said he was gonna
call me tomorrow.
272
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:19,179
Eric, I cannot go out
with this freak again!
273
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,348
I had pancakes for dinner!
274
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:22,716
In what world
is that a bad thing?
275
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,918
Get out of my house. Wait...
276
00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:26,319
how did you get in my house?
277
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,855
The less you know, the better.
278
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:29,890
WOMAN:
And I'm thrilled
279
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,992
to announce that the winner of
280
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:35,829
the Mason Hotel
New Artist Grant is...
281
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,865
Zara Sandhu.
282
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,233
Oh, my God!
I knew it, I knew it.
283
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:42,035
Holy crap, I won.
284
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:43,403
20,000 bucks.
Yes.
285
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,873
What are you gonna do
with your half?
Ha!
286
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:47,741
Scotch. Scotch.
Scotch. Scotch.
287
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,580
Watch your step,
watch your step.
288
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,015
(gasps)
289
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,449
Whoa.
290
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:57,885
That's right,
your Spartan hovel
291
00:11:57,918 --> 00:12:00,220
is now your
Spartan hovel art studio.
292
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,055
Everything you need
to be brilliant.
293
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,623
Brand-new paint, brushes.
294
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,592
I think I'm getting
an art boner.
295
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:08,728
You are a winner.
Now get to painting.
296
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:10,931
For art boners
lasting more than four hours,
297
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:12,465
please consult your physician.
298
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,072
Okay.
299
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:21,308
Start painting, winner.
300
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:28,148
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
301
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,751
Chicken dinner.
302
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,591
Hey there.
I'm on a chicken break.
303
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,627
Okay.
304
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,798
There's nothing on the canvas.
305
00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:46,466
This is my process, Stosh.
306
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:49,002
I don't tell you how to be
a giant asshat all day.
307
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,470
Okay, all right, but you do know
308
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,739
we got to turn in a painting
tomorrow, right?
309
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:53,606
I am on it.
310
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:56,643
All right.
You get back to it.
311
00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:59,146
Yolo.
312
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,148
All right.
313
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,917
Here we go.
314
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:06,653
Let's light this candle.
315
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,659
All right, why do I smell
sandalwood?
316
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:14,694
Go away.
317
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:29,542
You're painting
the easel.
318
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:32,112
It looks good, right?
The Mason Hotel
319
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,347
wants a painting.
320
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,016
They won't
accept an easel.
321
00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:38,651
Or... will they?
322
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,187
No.
323
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:42,389
They won't.
324
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,358
Why can't I paint?
325
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,961
Why can't I paint?
Why?
326
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,197
Why, why, why?
Hey,
327
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,699
Zara, Stosh told me
about the contest.
328
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:55,869
Oh! Man, what an exciting
time for both of us.
329
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,404
You, about to be
a famous artist,
330
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,339
me, about to be the co-third
most important piece
331
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:00,874
on my half of the chessboard.
332
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,475
We're in
the spotlight.
333
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:05,212
Stakes couldn't be higher.
All eyes on us.
334
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,314
We fail, we fail
in front of the whole world.
335
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,582
Well, good luck.
336
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:12,920
Oh, that's why.
337
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,955
(sighs)
338
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,092
(footsteps approaching)
ERIC: Hey, Caryn.
339
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:22,495
Aah! Stop being in my house.
340
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,064
I was just checking in.
341
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,832
How are things going
with you and Carl?
342
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,434
Mm, fine.
Yeah?
343
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,036
Got another date
coming up, or...
344
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,570
Not exactly, no.
345
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:33,173
What? Hey, you didn't
turn him down, did you?
346
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,841
This isn't a done deal
for me yet, Caryn.
347
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,743
I did not turn him down.
348
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:38,078
Well, then, what?
349
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,579
Oh, God.
350
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,214
He hasn't
called you?
No.
351
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:42,415
Has he
texted you?
No.
352
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:43,583
Have you texted him?
Yes.
353
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:45,585
What did you text?
Smiley face yesterday,
354
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,921
winky face today.
No response.
355
00:14:47,955 --> 00:14:50,090
This is bad. This is so bad.
356
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,925
Wait. Maybe he's dead.
357
00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:53,393
No such luck. I happened to walk
358
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,694
by Tech Town, where he works...
359
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,529
In Staten Island?
Mm. Two buses
360
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,932
and a ferry, what of it?
He was in there.
361
00:14:58,966 --> 00:15:00,633
So he's alive
and he hasn't called you?
362
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,936
He's blowing you off.
Caryn, you told me
363
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:05,638
the date went good.
Why is he blowing you off?
I don't know.
364
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:08,942
This is horrible.
I'm no happier about it
than you are, pal.
365
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:10,477
What do you care? You
didn't even like him.
366
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,779
I didn't like him.
And then he blew me off,
367
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:15,949
and now I do like him.
Don't you understand?
368
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:18,218
This is my disease. Ugh.
369
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,786
And it makes
no sense.
370
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:22,489
How does a guy
like that blow me off?
371
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,291
I was a great date.
372
00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:25,625
I even told him that funny story
373
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:27,494
from hygienist school--
you know the one--
374
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,562
the one where the teacher
keeps calling me Goldfarm
375
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:30,964
instead of Goldfarb all year?
376
00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:32,632
That's a terrible story.
377
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:35,435
You told me you liked it.
I was being polite.
378
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:38,938
Can't you read a room?
Eric. Eric, wait.
379
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:41,108
No, Eric, Eric, please,
you have to call him.
380
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,443
No. You're only
gonna make it worse.
381
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,678
One more date.
Ask him.
382
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,180
No. I might still be okay here.
383
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,982
He asked me to fix him up,
and I did.
384
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,950
It's not my fault
you're a giant snooze.
385
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:55,688
Tell him I'll put out.
All the bases.
386
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,329
All right.
387
00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:03,696
I like what I'm seeing.
388
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,999
How we doing?
You almost finished?
389
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,734
Pretty much.
Awesome.
390
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,270
What the hell is that?
391
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,005
I tried going back
to the basics.
392
00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:16,209
This is the "Draw Me" turtle
from the matchbook ads. See?
This sucks.
393
00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:18,278
I know.
Zara, come on.
394
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,480
Work with me here,
all right?
395
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,215
We got to turn in
a painting tonight.
396
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:23,683
Please, be a professional.
397
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:26,186
That's the problem--
I am not a professional.
398
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:28,788
I am just a person
and I like to paint,
399
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:31,024
but I can't do it
with all of these people
400
00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:33,560
just watching over me
and expecting some
401
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,328
brilliance
out of me.
402
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:36,696
You messed with my head,
403
00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:38,965
just so you could get
25% of the money.
404
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,734
Well, I thought we settled
on 35, but that's not the point.
405
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:44,971
I can't do it. Just...
There's too much pressure.
406
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,473
Just call the...
407
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:49,342
the hotel people
and tell them that I...
408
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,178
I can't do it.
409
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:54,381
Fine.
410
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,816
Fine. You know...
411
00:16:56,849 --> 00:17:00,387
You want to blow the best damn
opportunity you've ever had,
412
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,255
then you
go right ahead.
413
00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:03,556
It's ringing.
414
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:06,126
I thought you were my rep.
415
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,263
Hey, Rachel.
416
00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:12,065
Stosh Lewandoski.
417
00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:15,568
Yeah, hi. Uh, well...
not-not so good, actually.
418
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:17,870
Listen, I know
it's the 11th hour, but, uh,
419
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:20,039
unfortunately,
Zara's got to drop out.
420
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:22,675
Yeah, I know, I know. I know,
I'm sorry, but she's just
421
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,445
got some personal stuff
going on.
422
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:26,779
Okay. All right, thank you.
423
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:29,749
Well, I... Thank you
very much. Bye.
424
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:34,287
Sorry I let you down.
Nah.
425
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:36,423
No, it's my fault.
426
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,691
You know, I didn't
get you till now.
427
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,761
You don't paint for the world,
you paint for yourself.
428
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:44,264
You know, it's a personal
expression of your own
429
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:45,698
isolation and loneliness.
430
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,101
Just you,
in your own
431
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:51,037
dark little universe.
432
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,140
It-It's okay.
433
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,608
You're back there now.
434
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,788
Two hours should do it.
435
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:14,661
Knight to king bishop four.
436
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:22,402
(whispers):
Carl.
437
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,304
Hey, how you doing?
438
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,506
Fine, thanks.
439
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,741
So, uh, this time next week,
you're gonna be king?
440
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:31,811
Pawn to queen's rook three.
That's pretty exciting.
441
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,813
Yes, it is.
442
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:37,450
And, uh, I guess
I'll be... I mean...
443
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:38,851
were you...were you
still thinking
444
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:40,353
about making me
a rook, or...
445
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:42,489
Rook to king five.
446
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,557
Excuse me.
Sorry.
447
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,528
Caryn?
448
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:50,330
Carl. Oh, my God, hi.
449
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:53,300
That's right, you do this
whole human chess thing, too.
450
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:55,702
What a dummy, I forgot.
How are you?
451
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,337
Are you stalking me?
452
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:58,938
Stalking you?
453
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,873
Pawn to bishop three.
Me, stalking you? Yeah, okay,
454
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:03,510
I'm stalking you.
I am stalking you.
455
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:05,512
I know. I saw you
crouching in the bushes
456
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,013
outside of Tech Town.
Why are you
457
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:09,349
ignoring me?
You said you had a great time.
458
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:10,850
You said you were gonna call me.
459
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:13,085
Rook to queen's knight five.
460
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:16,256
Wait.
461
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,525
What are
you doing?
462
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:19,826
Get back to your square.
463
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,361
Yeah, yeah, in a second.
I just... I need
464
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:22,862
to know why you
didn't call me back.
465
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,197
Was it
the Goldfarm story?
466
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:25,465
Because I realized after--
467
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,200
I never
got to the funniest part.
468
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:28,701
Caryn, you need to get back
469
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:30,370
to knight three right now.
No.
470
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,972
Carl, please, come over tonight
and I'll make you dinner.
471
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,041
Oh, hey, you like
a nice brisket?
What did she
472
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:36,976
just say about a dinner?
You told me you were
473
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,646
through with her.
I am. She just showed up here.
474
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,581
Okay, missy, this
does not concern you.
475
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:43,816
I think it does. I'm his
girlfriend. We had a fight
476
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,985
last week and he just went out
with you to make me jealous.
477
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:49,522
You went out with me
to make her jealous?
478
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:51,858
You literally
used me as a pawn?
479
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:54,527
(short laugh) I thought that was
rather elegant, actually.
480
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:57,364
That was not nice, Carl.
Caryn's a good person.
481
00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:59,031
And she's very
emotionally fragile.
482
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:00,767
Go back to your square.
No one wants you
483
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:04,771
on this part of the board.
(gasps) Oh, no, you did not.
484
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,874
Bring it.
(grunting)
485
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:10,443
No, Caryn, no.
Get off... Get off her.
486
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:12,011
You get your hands
off her, Carl.
487
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,581
(grunting)
488
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:17,250
(everyone growling, grunting)
489
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:18,418
Bishops don't move that way.
490
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:20,920
CARL:
I'm filing a formal complaint.
491
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,289
(grunts)
492
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:24,424
WOMAN: Come on!
Ugh.
493
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:27,193
There will be disqualifications.
494
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,228
(alarm blaring)
495
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:46,245
Oh, wow.
496
00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:47,580
Great work, babe.
497
00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:50,417
All right, let's go.
498
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:51,784
Where are we going?
499
00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:54,086
To the Mason.
They're waiting for this.
500
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,956
We quit. You called
the fancy lady.
501
00:20:56,989 --> 00:21:00,226
No, no, I called Mr. Fong.
He does my shirts.
502
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:03,262
He was very confused.
Very confused.
503
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:08,134
Wai-Wait, wait, seriously?
504
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:10,437
Wait, Stosh, wait up.
505
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:12,672
Aah!
506
00:21:15,842 --> 00:21:17,977
Eric, I told you, I'm sorry.
507
00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:20,647
A checker. I'm demoted
to a checker for six months.
508
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,148
Are you happy now?
509
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:24,684
Checkers can be fun. They get
to jump over each other.
510
00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:26,653
Don't you dare take her side.
You know, I really
511
00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:29,589
like what you did here with the
smiley face. It's very artistic.
512
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:32,925
Happens to be my field.
I'd like to rep you.
513
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:35,194
Uh, I don't make
the smiley faces. Pancho does.
514
00:21:35,227 --> 00:21:37,397
I don't care,
I'd still like to rep you.
515
00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:43,002
Can't cut my pancakes.
516
00:21:44,337 --> 00:21:47,340
Oh, okay, all right,
okay, all right, okay.
517
00:21:47,374 --> 00:21:48,508
I should have been a rook.
518
00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:49,676
Whoa!
Whoa!
Excuse me.
519
00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:52,278
Guess that means
more pancakes for us.
520
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:53,480
Good night.
521
00:21:53,513 --> 00:21:55,047
Hmm.
522
00:21:55,081 --> 00:21:57,917
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