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00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:20,321
NARRATOR:
At the time this picture
was taken, not one of these
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00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,190
fourth graders had ever
been married or engaged
3
00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:24,225
or in any kind
of long-term relationship.
4
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:25,759
But as they grew
into adulthood,
5
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:28,229
all of them found love
and paired off.
6
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,598
All of them except one.
7
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:32,666
In a world of happy couples,
there are those
8
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,502
who just can't seem
to figure it out.
9
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,004
They're often intelligent,
attractive, decent people,
10
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,540
but still they remain alone.
11
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:40,741
Why?
12
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,843
Why does love elude them now
13
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,479
and perhaps forever?
14
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,249
CARYN:
How did this happen,
15
00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:49,417
Marty?
16
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,419
I mean, wow, we had it.
17
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,621
That amazing, magical connection
18
00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:56,124
that some people wait
their whole lives for, but...
19
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:58,726
You, you were always
terrified of the intimacy.
20
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,394
Weren't you?
21
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:03,597
I could see it in your eyes
the very first day we met.
22
00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:06,033
Which was Wednesday.
23
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,768
I tried to make you feel safe.
I really did.
24
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:10,371
I tried on Wednesday,
I tried yesterday,
25
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,773
and I would've tried today,
but you went off to play
26
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,642
in that volleyball game,
which I later found out
27
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,544
actually was coed-- whatever.
28
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,312
(chuckles):
What are you even talking about?
29
00:01:18,346 --> 00:01:20,481
We got wasted
and humped in a lifeboat.
30
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:22,316
Twice, Marty.
31
00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:24,352
We can build on that.
32
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:26,620
Are you open
to couples counseling?
33
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:29,990
Check, please.
I was gonna order dessert.
34
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:34,295
What's up, chief?
Got some bad news, Stosh.
35
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:35,496
We're letting you go.
36
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,398
(chuckles)
37
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,099
You're jerking my chain, right?
38
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,934
No. It was Donald's decision.
39
00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:42,236
He asked me to tell you.
40
00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:45,173
Well, what was
Donald's reason, huh?
41
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:46,907
Well, come on, Adam,
this is a load of crap.
42
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,577
I-I've been the top
sales rep here nine years.
43
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,445
Nine years.
What was his reason?
44
00:01:51,479 --> 00:01:52,513
He says you banged his fiancée.
45
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:54,515
(laughs):
That is...
46
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:56,284
that is possible.
47
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:57,518
But come on, man.
48
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,587
It takes two to tango.
Am I right?
49
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:02,256
I mean, is it my fault
that she's a wild woman?
50
00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:04,158
Did I get her
that hit of ecstasy?
51
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:06,527
He says you did, yes.
Hey, she asked me to.
52
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,929
I can show you all the texts
back and forth.
53
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,030
It's over, Stosh.
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00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,665
What is your problem
anyway, huh?
55
00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:13,133
At your age, still living
the way you do.
56
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,768
You some kind of sex addict
or something?
57
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,970
Hey, I got the same sex drive
as everybody else.
58
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:20,007
I just don't have the drive
to do all that other horse...
59
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,975
Clean out your office.
60
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,347
You know what?
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00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:29,717
Zara?
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00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,685
Going out, hon?
Yes.
63
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,120
To get breakfast.
64
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,121
When do you think
you'll be back?
65
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:37,458
Um, probably... never-ish.
66
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:38,692
Wait.
67
00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:40,194
Y-You're moving out?
68
00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:42,963
You were just gonna vanish
without saying a word?
69
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,833
No. There's a muffin basket
coming later.
70
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,335
I thought things were
so good between us.
71
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:50,170
I know you did, David.
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00:02:50,204 --> 00:02:52,072
Look, like everything
in this universe,
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00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:54,675
love has its own
natural lifespan.
74
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:57,345
And then,
in one heartbreaking moment,
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00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,347
it's gone.
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00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,215
And this is that moment?
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00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:02,683
What, right now? Oh, God, no.
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00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,585
It was, like,
in April or something
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00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:07,588
when you tattooed
my name on your arm.
80
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:08,756
What the hell is
wrong with you?!
81
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:09,857
This is mine.
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00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,259
What kind of
person could be
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00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:12,493
so passionate and loving one day
84
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,161
and then just go
completely cold?
85
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,397
What kind of
person is that?
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00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,870
TV ANNOUNCER:
Two down, bottom of the ninth...
87
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,538
He won't give him
nothing to hit.
88
00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:26,840
He should be smart
and take the bases on balls.
89
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,343
Pop, you are totally
and amazingly wrong.
90
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:30,911
He should wait for the curve.
91
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:32,446
Mom would've agreed with me.
92
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,348
Yeah, she would've
been wrong, too.
93
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,183
Take the bases on...
94
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,718
Here's the 3-2 pitch.
95
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,587
Swinging,
fouled off back this way.
96
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,389
Oh, you see that? He was...
97
00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:43,257
Right after the game tonight,
the Mets will head
98
00:03:43,291 --> 00:03:45,125
to the airport
for a three-city road trip--
99
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:46,394
St. Louis, Colorado and Atlanta.
100
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,795
Pop?
101
00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:50,298
And they'll finish
that off next weekend.
102
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:52,099
Oh...
103
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,200
No, no, no, no. Pop.
104
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,802
Here is the 3-2 pitch on the...
105
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:57,137
Swinging!
(bat cracks, crowd cheering)
106
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,977
CARYN: Hey, Mom.
Cruise ship just got in.
107
00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,546
EVELYN:
Oh, welcome home, darling.
108
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:06,714
So, did you meet anyone?
109
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,949
I met a great guy the first day,
110
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,585
but he didn't like me
as much as I liked him.
111
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:13,954
And... neither did
the two after that.
112
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:16,924
Oy. What are you doing
on a singles cruise anyway?
113
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:19,993
Howard is such a wonderful man
and a doctor.
114
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,662
Why don't you just
accept his proposal
115
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:22,896
and be done with this nonsense?
116
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:23,931
No.
117
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:25,399
You do not select well, Caryn.
118
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:27,601
Always the bad boys
with the swagger
119
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,737
and the tight blue jeans.
120
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,305
You know what I think?
121
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:34,475
I think that's
what gets you... excited.
122
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:35,743
Duh.
123
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,311
Grow up already
and marry Howard!
124
00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:39,513
And I know you're playing
a game on your phone.
125
00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:48,756
That vindictive ass bag.
126
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,658
(groans)
127
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:51,959
Sorry to impose, Sue.
128
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,260
But, hell, a man's got a right
129
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,895
to get into his own home,
doesn't he?
130
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,765
You know, those bastards
can take away
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00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,299
their company-owned condo.
132
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:02,336
They can't take away my dignity.
133
00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:03,871
Or my watches.
134
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,173
Or my Italian suits.
Oh, boy.
135
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:10,143
Or my salon-grade
microdermabrasion kit.
136
00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:12,045
(huffs)
All right.
137
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,347
Aren't you gonna wish me luck?
138
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,282
Just jump.
All right, then.
139
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,450
See you.
140
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:17,685
(grunts)
141
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:20,053
Oh, right in
the gonads!
142
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,522
(groaning)
143
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,624
Mother of ass!
144
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,393
Are we done here or...?
145
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:28,328
You got time for a quick drink?
146
00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:40,874
(harmonica playing)
147
00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:48,215
Oh, you need some help?
148
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:50,350
Uh, no, thanks.
I got it.
149
00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:52,185
I live here.
150
00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:53,353
In this one.
151
00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:54,822
Yeah, you're sock puppet guy.
152
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,356
(laughs):
Yeah.
153
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:58,659
Yeah, I do puppet shows
on the steps sometimes.
154
00:05:58,692 --> 00:05:59,860
For the kids.
155
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,495
I've never seen any kids.
156
00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:03,564
My father died.
157
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:04,832
What?
158
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,066
(louder):
My father died.
159
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,702
I heard you. I'm just, um...
160
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:11,038
I'm sorry.
161
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:13,707
He was a good guy.
162
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,509
Mm...
163
00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:17,945
(harmonica playing)
164
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,253
Molly?
165
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:27,555
Molly, are you home?
166
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:30,057
(screaming)
167
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:31,358
Ew! Who are you?
168
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,960
Um, I came to the
party last night,
169
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,928
and I wound up having sex
with your daughter.
170
00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:37,698
Oh, Caryn, hi!
How was the cruise?
171
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,199
Oh, Logan, this is
172
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,968
my roommate/landlady Caryn.
173
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,470
Oh, nice to meet you, man.
174
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,337
All right.
175
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,106
Isn't he great?
176
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,475
Is he wearing my underwear?
177
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:48,976
Mine were too small.
I'm gonna go shower.
178
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,679
And then I'll totally
help you clean up.
179
00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:54,915
Hey, lady?
(gasps)
180
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,249
You seen my twin brother?
181
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:58,819
Thanks.
182
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,654
(door opens, closes)
183
00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:03,156
This has to stop being my life.
184
00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:18,739
(sighs)
Send.
185
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:22,242
No emoticons,
no emoticons, no emoticons.
186
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,444
(phone whooshes)
187
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,651
(gas hissing)
188
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:33,854
(inhales deeply)
189
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:42,863
We have gathered here today
to pay our final respects
190
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,998
to Melvin...
191
00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:47,200
Le-window.
192
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:48,636
(whispers):
Lewandoski.
193
00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:50,470
Lavan-dusty.
194
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:54,642
Melvin was born in 1935
195
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:57,377
in the small Polish town
196
00:07:57,410 --> 00:08:00,113
of Cha... Cha...
197
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,381
Czestochowa.
198
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:03,651
Cheska-wawa.
199
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:05,052
Psst! Eric?
200
00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:06,854
In 1963...
(whispers): Hey! Cousin Stosh!
201
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:07,888
Yeah.
202
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,657
It's been a long time.
203
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:10,991
How you doing?
204
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:12,492
Great! Oh.
205
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:14,828
Except I got
some bad news for you.
206
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,496
My dad died.
207
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:18,832
Yeah, man.
208
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,634
I know. I read it
in the obits. I mean...
209
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,335
(shushes)
Wait. You got to hear this.
210
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:23,637
...welcome into
the world
211
00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:26,707
their one and only child,
Eric...
212
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:28,075
Lavan-dusty.
213
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,510
That's me.
214
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:33,313
ERIC:
So, then after high school,
215
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,415
I got a job working nights
on the bridge,
216
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:38,218
and kept living here so I could
take care of Ma and Pop.
217
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,853
Did that for about three years.
218
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:41,421
And then...
219
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:44,091
and then I just kept doing it.
220
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:47,094
So is the place kind of
how you remember it?
221
00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:49,597
Hasn't changed since '89.
222
00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:51,932
Literally not one thing.
223
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:54,668
You know,
I missed you, Cousin Stosh.
224
00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:56,770
Yeah? You miss having
225
00:08:56,804 --> 00:09:00,007
some stupid douche bag
put slush balls down your back?
226
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,042
I mean, not just
any stupid douche bag.
227
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,711
It was you. (chuckles)
228
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,213
Hey, listen, Eric.
229
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:08,849
If you need some help with
the transition and whatnot,
230
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,585
I'd be happy to move out
of my place in the city
231
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:14,121
and come stay here for
a while, if you like.
232
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,890
That would be... awesome!
233
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,525
Yeah?
Yeah!
234
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,260
All right, thanks! Thank...
I mean, good, good.
235
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:22,295
This is good. You know what?
I'm gonna go get my stuff.
236
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:24,364
But here's what I want
you to do for me.
237
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:25,699
I want you to get outside.
238
00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,134
Get in the sunshine and try
239
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,402
to enjoy your life
for a change, huh?
240
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:31,038
Enjoy my life.
Yeah.
241
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,140
I'm gonna give that a shot.
All right.
242
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,108
Do me a favor-- get some
new stuff for the walls,
243
00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:37,477
'cause if I have to sleep here
with your picture everywhere,
244
00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:39,479
I'll never choke
the sheriff again.
245
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,649
(laughing)
246
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,817
First day of your
new life. Go!
Okay.
247
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:46,754
You're totally gonna
choke the sheriff here!
248
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:49,990
ERIC:
Hi. Hi.
249
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,959
Hello.
250
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,126
Hi.
251
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,362
Hey.
252
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,837
Ma'am, um, my cousin,
253
00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:05,305
he told me to buy some art.
254
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,007
So what would be
good art to buy?
255
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,176
It's, like, for, like, a wall.
256
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,610
(chuckles)
257
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:13,280
Uh, well, uh, maybe
if there's a piece
258
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,248
that you find disturbing.
259
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,850
Hmm.
One that
makes you experience
260
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:20,353
an emotion that you're
deeply uncomfortable with.
261
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,756
I'll take this one.
262
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,357
(laughs)
263
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:26,660
Uh...
264
00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:28,328
Uh, those paintings
aren't mine, actually.
265
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,997
These are.
266
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:33,300
Oh! Oh, okay. Ooh.
267
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,102
I'll take this one
then definitely.
268
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,104
Yeah, it's a lot better
than that weird kitten.
269
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,138
(laughs)
270
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:40,640
Shoot.
271
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:42,609
Is it more than $16?
272
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,611
It's $16 exactly.
273
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:45,545
What?!
274
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,347
Okay, great!
275
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,116
Uh, here you go.
It's all singles.
276
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,383
Thanks, man.
277
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,619
Cool. It's humongous.
(laughs)
278
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,822
So I-I just hang it up
on my wall?
Yup.
279
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,124
(both laugh)
280
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,291
Oh, whoa!
281
00:10:58,325 --> 00:10:59,659
Breezy!
282
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,294
Hey, how far do you
have to walk with that?
283
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,130
Uh, just across the bridge
to Queens.
284
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,898
Oh.
I'll be okay.
285
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,936
(grunts)
ZARA: Oh.
286
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,446
Okay, whisk two eggs.
287
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,250
Do not overcook pasta.
288
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,322
Okay.
289
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,824
Okay, just chop things.
290
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,692
If you chop things,
you are cooking.
291
00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:35,062
All right, all my stuff
is in the truck.
292
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,363
Caryn, I think it's mad cool
293
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:37,831
that you're finally
getting married.
294
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:39,900
Yes, I am! Thank you, Molly.
295
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:43,036
Okay, bye!
296
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:45,638
Bye.
297
00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:52,612
Wow.
298
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,281
Nice first day.
299
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:55,582
Hey!
300
00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:57,117
(smoke alarm beeping
in distance)
301
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:59,052
CARYN (faintly):
Damn it! Ow!
302
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,295
(groans)
Now what?
303
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:09,429
(smoke alarm beeping)
304
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:12,132
Hi.
Hi.
305
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,301
Who are you?
I'm staying
with my cousin next door.
306
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,136
You know him--
husky, sort of weird...
307
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,438
Sweet, a little odd.
...kind of stupid, yeah.
308
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,207
Anyway, is your
apartment on fire?
309
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,741
No.
310
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:23,310
Maybe.
311
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,512
Let's have a look.
312
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,916
Come on in.
313
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:31,318
Holy hell,
what happened in here?
314
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:33,720
I was trying to cook
dinner for my fiancé.
315
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,655
Fiancé. Fiancé.
316
00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:37,090
Wow, that is one of those words
317
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,392
that sounds strange
if you say it a lot.
318
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,661
(smoke alarm stops)
Or even once.
319
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:49,469
So, you need help
salvaging the meal?
320
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:50,637
Oh.
I kid.
321
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,439
Of course you do.
322
00:12:57,044 --> 00:12:58,645
You are so good at this.
323
00:12:58,678 --> 00:13:00,680
Are you, like,
a real chef or something?
324
00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:02,149
Professionally?
No, no.
325
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,851
I've got a much
sexier job than that.
326
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,152
Which is?
327
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:07,187
VP of sales at a
dental products firm.
328
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,956
I know, I know.
329
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,423
It's like meeting
Springsteen, right?
330
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,926
I'm in the dental field, too.
A hygienist.
331
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,161
Small world.
332
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:16,163
Small, incredibly
boring world, yes.
333
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,265
You know what?
Make yourself useful.
334
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,432
Okay.
335
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,034
So, tell me
about the lucky guy,
336
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:23,470
Mr. Fiancé.
337
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:24,804
Howard?
Howard.
338
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:26,006
He's great.
339
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,108
He is a widower.
340
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:32,612
He is a loving father and
a wonderful dermatologist.
341
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,613
Hmm.
342
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,148
He has a...
343
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:36,649
dog, uh...
344
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:39,286
You know, he's not
exactly Ryan Gosling,
345
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,888
but I'm not exactly
346
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:43,523
whatever the female equivalent
of Ryan Gosling is.
347
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,658
Scarlett Johansson.
348
00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:48,661
The point is,
he loves me.
349
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:50,697
Howard Blatt loves me.
350
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:52,165
And he is kind to me.
351
00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:53,800
And he will
take care of me.
352
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,202
And I finally realized that
353
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:57,170
that's actually
all I want in a man.
Hmm.
354
00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:58,705
Are you single?
355
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:00,140
Yeah.
356
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,074
Divorced, actually.
357
00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:02,209
Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry.
358
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,244
How long were
you together?
359
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:05,678
Week and a half.
360
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:07,680
Got a girl pregnant,
couldn't hack it,
361
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:08,848
ran for the hills.
362
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:10,350
Well, relationships
are hard.
363
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:11,718
Yeah.
364
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:13,186
You're very sexy.
365
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,322
(laughs)
Okay, um...
366
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,424
Do you always hit
on engaged women?
367
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,559
Not always.
368
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:22,029
No. I can stop if
you want me to.
369
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,196
No, I'm good.
370
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,565
But I don't even
know your name.
371
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,234
Stosh.
372
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:28,201
Stosh? (laughs)
373
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:29,669
It's Polish.
Oh.
374
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,038
I was born in Poland.
375
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:32,505
The country?
376
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:33,506
As opposed to what?
377
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:34,541
I don't know.
378
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:35,875
And you are?
379
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,844
I am Jewish.
380
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,779
Well, adopted by the Jews.
381
00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:41,681
No, I meant... I
meant your name.
382
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:42,916
(laughs):
Oh, right, right.
383
00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:44,584
"Jewish" isn't
my actual name.
384
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:46,586
Can you imagine?
Jewish Goldfarb.
385
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:47,687
Redundant.
386
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,523
Oh, my God.
387
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:51,858
Caryn! I'm Caryn.
388
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:52,926
Caryn.
389
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,461
Nice to meet
you, Caryn.
390
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:55,528
(doorbell buzzes)
391
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:56,429
(gasps)
392
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:57,764
Oh, my God,
that's Howard.
393
00:14:57,797 --> 00:15:00,033
I'm coming!
Then get rid
of Howard.
394
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,235
It's gonna be okay,
it's gonna be okay.
Yeah.
395
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,704
Monkey buns? You here?
396
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,639
Howard!
397
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,041
Hi.
398
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:09,709
Who's this?
Stosh.
399
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:10,910
Lewandoski.
400
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:12,980
Neighbor.
Oh, hey. Howard Blatt.
401
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,314
Great to meet you.
402
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,049
So what brings you
by here, Stosh?
403
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:19,452
I was actually
helping Caryn to cook
404
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:22,655
for the engagement party,
which was supposed to be
405
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,591
a surprise, Howard!
406
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:26,826
So you can meet the
whole gang from...
407
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,896
...the book club.
408
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,099
The book club gang!
409
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:36,369
(opera music playing)
410
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,173
Mmm.
411
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:43,010
Spaghetti.
412
00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:52,485
Oh, here's a good one.
Okay, those are my sons.
413
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,154
That's Bartholomew;
he's 11.
414
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:55,588
And then Milton
just turned eight.
415
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,456
ERIC: Aw, now who's
this little fellow?
416
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:57,857
He looks just like you.
417
00:15:57,890 --> 00:15:59,492
Th-That is me.
418
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:03,496
So, Howard, the boys must be
pretty excited
419
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,798
about their future
step-mom to be, huh?
420
00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:07,667
Uh...
421
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,802
It's a bit of a work
in progress at the moment.
422
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,204
Milton has some...
423
00:16:11,238 --> 00:16:12,972
Pretty violent
tantrums.
...minor concerns.
424
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,807
But I'm sure he's gonna be fine
once Caryn moves in,
425
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:16,276
and he sees what
a beautiful person she is.
426
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,710
CARYN:
Aw...
427
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,212
A-And the medication
will help a lot, too.
428
00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:22,482
Just read that article I gave
you, but you're so sweet.
429
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,451
Hey, speaking of reading,
I'd love to know
430
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,353
what's the last book
you folks have read?
431
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,789
Well, it's a novel about a woman
432
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:32,492
who's in her late 30s
who decides to become a nun.
433
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:33,726
Very sad story.
434
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,062
It's called
The Death of Passion.
435
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,530
Actually, she's
in her mid-30s.
436
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:38,731
And it was crap.
437
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,633
Passion is such
a fleeting thing.
438
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,635
That's why I'm a big fan
of masturbation.
439
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:43,636
(gasps)
440
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:44,571
Me, too!
441
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,139
Hey...
(laughs)
442
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,140
That's awesome.
443
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:49,642
Um... Stosh?
444
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:54,181
I-I need your expertise in
the kitchen with the cheese.
445
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:57,484
Ow! What was that for?
446
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,352
The looks, the comments.
447
00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:01,221
You are ruining
my engagement party.
448
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,656
Hey, it's my
engagement party.
449
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,058
I pulled this whole
thing together.
450
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:07,160
On very short
notice, I might add.
451
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:08,495
Now, come on.
452
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,197
You don't want to
marry this guy.
453
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,832
Why do you have such a hard time
respecting my choice?
454
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,534
I don't know.
455
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:17,704
I guess it's a choice I'd expect
from someone less...
456
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:18,771
hot.
457
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:20,273
(stammers)
458
00:17:20,307 --> 00:17:21,508
Thank you.
459
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:22,842
But, you know,
460
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,744
people make their choices
461
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,713
for very different reasons.
462
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:27,947
Well, you and I made some
463
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,849
interesting choices
earlier tonight.
464
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,684
That was just a momentary
lapse in judgment.
465
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:35,122
You strode in here
with your hair and your pants,
466
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,090
and you fixed
my smoke alarm, okay?
467
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:39,092
That is a lot
to throw at a girl
468
00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:40,727
who's been drinking Chablis
since lunchtime.
469
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,061
Well, it was nice though,
wasn't it?
470
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:43,029
No! N...
471
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,063
Yes!
472
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,432
And that is the problem.
473
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:47,767
I always go for guys like you,
474
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,538
who offer me nothing
but pleasure and excitement.
475
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,106
And at a certain point,
476
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:56,209
a girl has to give
those things up for stability.
477
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:58,778
And that moment happens
the second she turns 35,
478
00:17:58,811 --> 00:17:59,946
which I just did.
479
00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:01,047
Two years ago.
480
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,915
So I am gonna marry Howard.
481
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:05,285
And that thing
that happened between us,
482
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,954
no matter how nice
or pleasurable
483
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,722
it may have been,
484
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,624
can never, ever happen again,
485
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:15,928
not with you, not with anyone,
ever, ever again.
486
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:21,134
Son of a bitch!
487
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:25,004
ERIC:
* Happy birthday
488
00:18:25,037 --> 00:18:27,840
* Mr. President
489
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:33,146
* Happy birthday to you.
490
00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:34,747
Well, uh,
thank you, Marilyn.
491
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:37,016
Now let us proceed
to have sexual intercourse
492
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:38,518
with great vigor.
493
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,119
(laughing)
494
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,192
Thank you.
495
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:46,193
(sighs)
496
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:47,394
Howard.
497
00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:50,330
We need to talk.
498
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,067
I can't marry you.
499
00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:58,871
I thought it was the
right thing for me,
500
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:00,039
but it's not.
501
00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:01,308
It's just not.
502
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:02,709
And I am so sorry
503
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:04,143
that I put you through this.
504
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:08,215
Howard...
505
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,653
You know, Caryn, I'm not blind.
506
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,788
I know I wasn't
your dream come true.
507
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,957
But I really loved you.
508
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,893
And I was kind of hoping
that was enough.
509
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:22,995
I'm sorry that it wasn't.
510
00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:25,698
Nice meeting everybody.
511
00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:27,234
Sorry I ruined the book club.
512
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:28,635
ERIC: Good-bye!
Nice meeting you!
ZARA: Bye, Howard.
513
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:31,738
(door opens, closes)
514
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,815
Hey.
515
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,984
We followed you after you
staggered out of the house.
516
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,587
Yeah, we thought it best
to keep a respectful distance
517
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,889
until you were done crying
and punching trees
518
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,724
and trying to steal
other people's children.
519
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:53,560
Plus, Eric
wanted a churro.
520
00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:55,027
I would give you some,
521
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:56,596
but Stosh tried to take it,
so I licked it.
522
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:57,864
Think that's
gonna stop me?
523
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:58,831
Stosh...
524
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,300
Thank you.
525
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,576
You know, Eric,
I always thought
526
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:11,844
you were the weird
loner on the block.
527
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:14,247
But tonight I realized
528
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:15,448
it's me.
529
00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:17,517
If I were normal,
I would be her.
530
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,453
Marrying a man
I truly loved,
531
00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:22,422
who loved me back just as much.
532
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,357
Or a little bit more for safety.
533
00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:25,858
But I can't get there.
534
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,193
What is wrong with me?
535
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,629
What are they saying
to each other?
536
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:33,099
What does it sound like
when all the pieces fit?
537
00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:34,701
You're in luck.
538
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,068
I read lips.
539
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,136
That is lucky.
540
00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:38,137
Okay, let me see.
541
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:40,106
(clears throat)
542
00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:42,809
"The love you share
is a blessed gift
543
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:47,213
bestowed upon us by our Lord
and savior, Jimmy Carter."
544
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,148
Or "Johnny Carson."
545
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:51,484
It's a "J.C." name,
I do know that.
546
00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:53,386
Those are just hard
to get sometimes.
547
00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:56,255
"Maytag, Hickey.
548
00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:59,091
Would you like
to replace your cows?"
549
00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:02,829
STOSH: "Maytag, the moment
we met, I thought to myself,
550
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:05,998
"'Damn, them some
tig old bitties.'
551
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,935
And then some other stuff
happened, and now here we are."
552
00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:11,270
ZARA:
"Darling, our love
553
00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:13,072
"is forever symbolized
554
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,842
"by this blood diamond,
the value of which could feed
555
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:18,811
"and vaccinate a third-world
country, but whatevs.
556
00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:21,180
It makes my friends
super jealous."
557
00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:23,516
STOSH: "Speaking of
your friends, I can't decide
558
00:21:23,550 --> 00:21:25,318
"which of the bridesmaids
I want to bang more,
559
00:21:25,352 --> 00:21:27,654
"number two or number three,
or both.
560
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:30,657
I feel like if three was into
it, two would get on board."
561
00:21:32,191 --> 00:21:34,994
ZARA: "My beloved, if you
so much as look at them again,
562
00:21:35,027 --> 00:21:37,263
I will divorce your testicles
from your body."
563
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:38,765
(crowd aahing)
564
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:39,932
"And now,
565
00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:41,834
"by the powder infested in bees
566
00:21:41,868 --> 00:21:43,503
by Jiminy Cricket..."
567
00:21:43,536 --> 00:21:46,473
Or "Jim Carrey." It's one
of the two, I can't tell.
568
00:21:46,506 --> 00:21:47,874
I'm pretty sure it's Jim Carrey.
569
00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:50,843
ERIC: "I now pronounce you
Malomites.
570
00:21:50,877 --> 00:21:52,445
You may fist with pride."
571
00:21:52,479 --> 00:21:54,347
(crowd aahing, applause)
572
00:21:58,250 --> 00:21:59,786
(sighs)
573
00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:01,688
I still want to do it.
574
00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:06,225
Enough of this. I see an
open bar with our name on it.
575
00:22:06,258 --> 00:22:07,994
(Eric laughs)
576
00:22:08,027 --> 00:22:10,497
Just blend in,
just blend in.
577
00:22:10,530 --> 00:22:12,799
* Voulez-vous coucher avec moi
578
00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:14,834
* Ce soir
579
00:22:14,867 --> 00:22:16,936
* Voulez-vous coucher avec moi
580
00:22:18,871 --> 00:22:23,075
* He sat in her boudoir
while she freshened up *
581
00:22:23,109 --> 00:22:25,344
* The boy drank all that
magnolia wine... *
582
00:22:25,378 --> 00:22:27,514
All right. (chuckles)
583
00:22:27,547 --> 00:22:29,181
I'm having so much
fun right now.
584
00:22:29,215 --> 00:22:31,017
I never want to go home!
585
00:22:31,050 --> 00:22:32,351
I don't have a home!
586
00:22:32,385 --> 00:22:34,320
Shh! Yes, you do!
587
00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:36,088
I'm giving you my house.
588
00:22:36,122 --> 00:22:38,991
Oh, my God! Thank you!
589
00:22:39,025 --> 00:22:40,226
Do you need a roommate?
590
00:22:40,259 --> 00:22:42,729
I just gave away
my house to someone.
591
00:22:42,762 --> 00:22:44,864
CROWD:
Two! Three!
592
00:22:45,965 --> 00:22:47,434
I'm totally getting married!
593
00:22:51,471 --> 00:22:56,008
* Hey, hey, hey...
594
00:22:56,042 --> 00:22:58,010
ZARA: Ooh, anyone want
to hit a strip club?
595
00:22:58,044 --> 00:22:59,879
ERIC: Uh, we need to
stop at home first.
596
00:22:59,912 --> 00:23:02,014
I got to get these pink
roses in water ASAP.
597
00:23:02,048 --> 00:23:03,883
STOSH: You may be
a whole bag of crazy,
598
00:23:03,916 --> 00:23:06,619
but the prize for weird loner
goes to the big guy at the end.
599
00:23:06,653 --> 00:23:08,521
Thank you.
CARYN:
Um, Stosh, you do realize
600
00:23:08,555 --> 00:23:10,222
you're gonna die
alone, too, right?
God willing, Cindy.
601
00:23:10,256 --> 00:23:12,091
It's Caryn.
Whatever.
602
00:23:12,124 --> 00:23:14,794
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
603
00:23:14,827 --> 00:23:16,429
Good night.
40751
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