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Standby 2...

Mix through, cue on 2.

The BBC's announced the appointment

of the ex-head of Olympic Delivery,
Ian Fletcher, as its new Head of Values.

Time now for the shipping forecast.

Superimpose.

It's Monday morning

and a new week at the BBC's
new Broadcasting House headquarters

somewhere in central London,

as Head of Values, Ian Fletcher,
arrives in order to begin it.

- Morning!
- Morning.

- Morning, Will.
- Oh hey, yeah, cool.

So far at least, on the basis
of all the available evidence,

it looks as if everything's going
like clockwork.

Well, first of all, thank you
for making time for this.

I know how busy things are
at the moment.

- Yep.
- Yes, they certainly are, Ian, yes.

By nine o'clock,

Ian is chairing a special meeting
of the "Way Ahead" group

in his role as someone whose job it is
to steer the organization confidently

towards whatever it is
that's going to happen next.

But I called this meeting
because I think we're at a critical moment

in the life of this group

and who knows, maybe even
in the life of the corporation.

- Hoorah.
- This is the year

in which the BBC's Royal Charter
is up for renewal.

Of course we know there are
some tough choices coming our way.

- Brilliant.
- Yes, exactly.

Which is what the "More Of Less"
initiative is about, of course.

- Mm-hmm. Yep.
- Yep.

The fact is this is about identifying
what we do best

and finding more ways
of doing less of it better.

- Yes.
- Brilliant.

Yeah, bollocks.

The charter renewal process

gives the BBC an opportunity to question
everything it does and ask the question,

whether there's any point to any of it
at all anymore?

And with all that in mind,
my suggestion is that as from today,

this becomes a "Renewal" group,
rather than "Way Ahead".

- All right, okay.
- Yes, good.

- Hallelujah.
- Well, no.

- Renewal.
- Now, honestly.

- Amen.
- It just focuses the mind, that's all.

Now I'm sorry, Ian...
that is just...

I mean, I feel like opening the window
and shouting down Regent Street.

- No, well, please don't.
- No, Christ's sake.

Really, it's about resetting the dial
for everyone in the building

and shining a new light on that dial,

or at least shining the old light,
but with a new bulb,

so none of us can be
in any doubt where the dial is,

or can have any excuse
for not being able to read what it says.

- Yeah.
- Brilliant.

- Blimey.
- We got that?

- Got that?
- Yep.

- Yep.
- Joyous.

Right, okay.
So that's my big speech over.

Oh, shame!

Okay, everybody,

so, welcome to Fun. Exciting day.
Exciting time.

Meanwhile across town,

in the world
of what used to be Perfect Curve,

momentous and very different events
are unfolding.

Today I introduce Siobhan Sharpe
as our new joint CEO and partner in Fun.

Yay!

Perfect Curve has been bought

by Dutch-owned multi-national media giant,
Fun Media.

And today,

chairman and founder Jens Schmidt
has flown in to usher in the future.

- I know Siobhan has stuff she's gonna say.
- Yay!

- But first, I'm gonna say a bit about Fun.
- Yay!

So the philosophy of Fun is that
everybody in this building is happy.

This is a happy building.

Because a happy person
is a creative person,

and a creative
person is a happy person.

- So that's Fun.
- We love fun.

And you are all Fun people. You have
good ideas, that’s why you're here.

When something good happens,
we should recognize this.

We should be happy,
so what we do at Fun...

George is ready at any time,
that's why he's here.

Time out, a few minutes.

- Silent disco, we dance.
- Cool.

- So a lot of people...
- ♪ Gold ♪

-♪ Always believe in your soul... ♪
- Yep...

- ♪ You're indestructible... ♪
- Okay...

- ♪ Always believing... ♪
- Okay, so we save this, okay?

- Excuse me?
- We maybe save this for later, huh?

- Okay, so we save it, guys, okay?
- Yeah.

- Save it maybe for later?
- Okay...

- Thanks.
- Mm.

So a lot of people say
there's more to life than Fun.

- Sure.
- But here we don't agree with that.

Nah-uh, no way.

You come in through the door
of this building, okay?

- Sure.
- Fun is your life and your life...

- Sure.
- Your life is Fun. Yes?

Sure. Okay?
So lots of Fun here, guys, okay?

Like a black pair of skinny jeans,
do you know what I mean? Keep it simple.

Back over
at New Broadcasting House,

the newly formed Renewal group is already
facing its first-ever live challenge.

This one I like quite a lot.
I like the cut on this.

For me, what this says, it's understated,
you know what I'm saying?

A Channel 4 documentary

about ex-Premier League footballer
Ryan Chelford,

in which he talks openly
for the first time

about his life as a keen cross-dresser,

has thrown up some sensitive issues
for the BBC.

Now this one...

I've had some times in this, I have.

If this was a car, right,
for me, this would be a Ferrari.

You put this on, something's gonna happen,
you know what I'm saying?

The documentary includes allegations

that the BBC rejected Ryan
as a pundit

for its flagship football show
Match of the Day,

because they were already aware
of his very personal other life.

I went for, like, this audition, right?
I went to Manchester.

Like I saw Alan Shearer in the car park.
He didn't speak to me.

He was on his phone, getting out
of his Audi fuckin' A8,

do you know what I'm saying?

So I'm sat in the Match of the Day studio
and everything.

There's me and they had these guys
like pretend Linekers and that sittin' in.

And they play in this clip of like,
Stoke v Swansea, whatever.

So, like, Peter Crouch is in the box.

And I'm like, okay,
he's pulled off his man at the back post.

It's a decent header
off of a quality cross, I admit that.

But albeit the Swansea defence
has totally switched off.

I'm sorry, but for me
the guy's like eight foot tall.

It's not rocket science.
Do you know what I'm saying?

Anyway, so I did that.
Never heard from them again. Not a wor...

- Right, okay.
- Right.

I think that will do for the moment.

- Yes.
- Brilliant.

- Brilliant.
- Brilliant.

What I can say, guys, is that we are
starting to take heavy incoming on this

- in the press office already.
- Well, yes.

Gah, no!

I mean, the issues
are potentially pretty serious.

- Yes.
- Yes, they are, Ian, yes.

Yes, no, especially,
for inclusivity, of course, Lucy.

- Well, yes.
- Yes, exactly, yes.

- Honestly, no, bad luck.
- So I spoke to Clive Cook this morning.

- Oh, right.
- Yes, me too, Lucy.

- Oh, right.
- Clive?

- Clive Cook.
- Clive Cook.

Oh yes, Clive Cook.

- BBC Head of Football.
- Head of BBC Football.

- Yes, no, brilliant.
- Yes, exactly, yes.

- Yes.
- Yep.

Anyway, I spoke to him.

- Right, and?
- Well, he...

He's not very pleased, is he, Lucy?

- Er, not really, no.
- No.

His thing is, the reason they didn't go
with Ryan Chelford on Match of the Day,

they didn't know anything
about his private life.

- Yes.
- Truth is, he was just no good.

- Right.
- Yes, apparently he was too dull.

- Yes.
- Okay.

- Too dull for Match of the Day?
- I know, Neil.

- Jesus!
- I'm just telling you what he said.

Well, but if that's the case,
then at least,

obviously, we'll need to be careful
about exactly how we phrase it.

Yeah, good luck with that.

But at least on the allegations
he's making there,

at least we've got
a clear answer to them.

- Yes.
- Brilliant.

- So that's all good, isn't it?
- Yes, exactly.

- Hoorah.
- Obviously,

I wish I could agree with you, Ian...

- Right?
- But I'm sorry.

- It's not that simple, is it, Lucy?
- Not really, no.

No, I thought it might not be.

- No.
- Brilliant.

Okay, so this'll be like a really cool
new app, like a BBC News Forecast app!

A News Forecast app?

Meanwhile, back in the land of Fun,

the old Perfect Curve BBC account team
is having its first meeting

with Fun CEO Jens Schmidt.

So it'd be like the weather forecast,
but with like, news, but...

- Okay.
- Cool.

- No, but...
- Okay, no, I get this.

- But this would be in emojis.
- Emojis.

- Yeah.
- Cool.

- We love emojis. So fun.
- They're fun, yeah.

The team has been joined
by meta-genius Michael Chung

from Fun's New York office.

And they've been invited to come up
with ideas for a hello present

from Fun Media to the BBC
as one of their most important clients.

Yeah, each day'd be like...

Today, Italy: smiley face!
Syria: droopy mouth!

- Okay.
- Uh...

Maybe Russia'd be like angry face.

- Okay. What else?
- Yeah, cool.

- Okay, Coco.
- Okay, sure.

- Go.
- Okay,

so in the end,
what I came up with was BBC Bun Time.

BBC Bun Time?

- 'Cause they’re losing Bake Off, right?
- Bummer.

Which is like a national thing.

- We love Mary Berry.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, Mary.
- Yeah, like with the teeth.

Yeah, so this could be
a new thing for her.

Where celebrities, like, create,
like, their own version of a BBC Bun.

- Holy shit.
- Okay.

- No, but then the winning bun that like...
- Okay, what else?

- Okay, Karl.
- Yep.

What have you got?

- Okay, so this is pretty cool okay?
- Cool.

So, like, I'm like, I went for,
like, a walk.

Okay, yes.

It's pretty fun. And I'm like, why don't
we just give them, like some money?

- Okay.
- Like, I don't know how much.

- We give them money?
- Yeah.

Yeah, it's pretty cool, yeah.
Like, everybody likes...

- Michael.
- Hey.

Any thoughts?

Sure. How about we build them, like,
a really cool new BBC Online Platform?

Kinda like a YouTube channel?
Like, it could be like BBC Me.

- BBC Me.
- So TV figures are falling right now.

Like, I don't watch TV,
like, I don't even have a TV,

like, pretty soon
no one's gonna watch TV,

like, it's not even gonna be a thing.

So this could be a totally new voice.

Like, people can upload their own content
under the BBC brand,

'cause the BBC is owned
by the people, right?

So this would be like
giving it back to them to play with,

which could be totally cool.

Okay.

George!

Obviously the danger is

if he's actively excluded from appearing
on Match of the Day,

that could read
as an example of prejudice.

- Right.
- Prejudice?

- Yes.
- Against what?

- Well...
- Against people who are crap?

Meanwhile, back in Renewal,
the Ryan Chelford discussion has moved on.

...and ultimately,
the LGBT community itself.

- Yes.
- Oh right, okay.

- Yes, exactly.
- Great.

As I say, guys,
we are looking at an issue here.

- Yes.
- But anyway, in the end, what...

In the circumstances,
the BBC's Head of Football, Clive Cook,

has agreed to give him
a one-off trial appearance as a pundit

on a special midweek FA Cup third round
highlights edition of Match of the Day,

which very few people will watch.

The idea being that once people see
for themselves how bad he actually is,

that could solve
the whole problem in one go.

- Right, yes.
- Brilliant!

- Can't see anything going wrong with that.
- Yes, but what he did say to me, Lucy...

Obviously, I don't know
what he said to you,

but I don't mind saying I get on
pretty well with Clive.

- Right.
- I don't take any nonsense from him...

- Hoorah.
- and he responds to that well.

- Yes, well, anyway...
- Yeah, so what he said to me,

in the circumstances,
he thought it would be good

if some of the useless senior management
down in London

showed their faces
on the night as well.

- Right.
- Brilliant.

I've gotta say those were his words.

- That's the way Clive talks.
- Yes.

With the Match of the Day
studios located in Salford,

which is itself located
somewhere near Manchester,

the question now is,

if any
of the senior management from London

are to be usefully present on the night,
which of them should it be?

I mean, Simon,
could this be something you want?

- Yes, no, an interesting one, isn't it?
- Yes.

I dunno how these things work.

I mean, honestly, this is so far off
my little patch of scrubby ground...

- Right.
- But I mean, Lucy...

- Yes?
- Yes.

I mean, you're so on top
of all this inclusivity stuff around this.

- Well...
- Yes, exactly.

'Cause I mean, basically,

it's about making sure
everyone feels listened to and loved.

- Well, I don't know about...
- Loved?

- Yes, exactly, yes.
- Christ.

I mean, I don't mind. I'll go up if anyone
thinks it'll do any good, me being there.

- Right.
- Brilliant.

- I have to say, It works for me, Lucy.
- But I may well be useless...

- Oh, now...
- Yes.

But I'm not sure I really qualify

- as senior management.
- Well, that's...

- Oh now, pish!
- Pash.

No, I'm not being funny or anything, Lucy,
but I agree.

- Right.
- I gotta say,

I think
someone should be up there with you.

Right.

I mean, I'd volunteer to go obviously,
but I've got my work cut out

making Huw Edwards
feel loved down here already.

- Right.
- Yes, no, very good, Neil.

- Yes, exactly.
- No, really well done, you.

What day is it we're talking about?

- It's Tuesday.
- Right.

Tuesday evening, yes.

- Tuesday, Tuesday.
- Brilliant!

I mean, I'm not sure whether this is
my little patch of scrubby ground either.

- No.
- But it's important we get this right.

Okay, alrighty!

- Brilliant.
- Ian and Lucy.

- Well...
- Hoorah.

- All hail the Manchester Two.
- Yeah, good luck.

- Brilliant.
- Yes, and the fact is

I think I should be there, too.

- What?
- Right.

- Well...
- Really?

- Yes, exactly, yes.
- Okay! Now we're really rolling.

I'm not being funny or anything, Anna,

but we're talking
about people feeling loved here.

The fact is this is an opportunity

to put betterness front and centre
when it actually matters.

- Brilliant.
- What, front and centre in Manchester?

- Yes, exactly, yes.
- Right, okay.

- Hurrah.
- Well, so, Ian, er, Lucy and Anna!

- All hail.
- Long live the Salford three!

- Right.
- Right, blimey.

Yes, exactly, yes.

- Oh, David.
- Oh, hi, Izzy, yes.

Look at you, lovely Izalea,
in your lovely new coat.

Meanwhile it's a week later,

and development executive Izzy Gould
has found herself with an opportunity

to have a moment with commissioning editor
primetime factuality David Wilkes

on her way into work.

Was just gonna email you.

I've got a meeting
with Matt Taverner this afternoon.

- Oh right, have you?
- Yes, I know, lovely Matt.

Lots of people don't warm to him,
you know, with his glasses and everything,

- but you know what?
- What's this about, David?

Yes, right. No, 'cause I was chatting
to them about On Your Bike the other day.

- On Your Bike?
- Oh my God, he absolutely loves it, Izzy.

You talked about On Your Bike
to Matt Taverner?

I know and do you know what?
He's mad about it.

- Right.
- Honestly, when I stopped,

he didn't say anything.

He just sat there nodding his head
to himself, like he does.

- Right.
- Yes.

Sixth floor.

- I mean, that's great, David.
- I know!

But I mean,
I'm not quite sure how to say this...

Get over it! Just say what you think.
Say what's on your mind.

But I mean, On Your Bike,
it's not actually your idea.

- No.
- It's not even my idea.

- It's Will Humphries'.
- No, no. Yes, lovely Will.

- Yes. So...
- But do you know what?

It's just such a great idea, Izzy.

- Yes.
- No, honestly, it is.

- Well, yes!
- And it's like I said to Mark,

- Ideas like this don't come very often."
- No.

And making sure that you're part
of making them happen when they do

is what being commissioning editor
of Primetime Factuality’s actually about.

Yes.

Okay, so here's the thing
with this. Here's what it is.

No one watches television anymore.

- Well...
- No.

I mean, like no one. Okay?
Get over it.

- Brilliant.
- Exactly.

- I think that's perhaps...
- It's over.

a bit of an overstatement.

It's not an overstatement.
It's an uber-statement, okay?

- What?
- Brilliant.

Meanwhile, BBC Head of Branch
Siobhan Sharpe has arrived

to present the BBC with a hello present
to end all hello presents

from PR giant Fun Media:

the idea of
a completely new online platform, BBC Me.

I mean, like television. What is that?
I don't even know what that is.

- Yes, no, very good.
- Yes, exactly, yes.

Against the background
of a changing media environment,

her mission is nothing less

than to introduce the Renewal group
to the ID of the future,

so that everybody knows
how it works and where it's coming from,

and will be able both to recognize it and
know what to do with it when it arrives.

I mean, I can see
where you're going with this, Siobhan.

You so cannot.

But just to inject
a note of reality for a moment,

I mean, nearly nine million people
are watching Happy Valley at the moment.

- Okay.
- I mean, okay,

it's not Morecambe and Wise anymore.

Okay, so I don't even know
what that is, okay.

No, but still,
it's a lot of people, that's all.

Okay, so I'm talking
about the future here, right?

- Well...
- And you're talking about the past.

- I'm talking about last Wednesday.
- Okay, that's exactly my point.

- Okay, that's over, right?
- Well, no, but...

So I've got three words for you guys:
U... G... and C.

- Right.
- I'm sorry, Siobhan.

- So User...
- User-generated...

- User-generated concept.
- Yes, exactly, yes.

Forget any other words, because
you're not gonna need them anymore.

Yeah, so coming back
to the present for a minute.

- Sure.
- Which is where I am most of the time.

- Yes, me too, Neil.
- Brilliant.

What would this BBC Me actually look like?

Sure, no, okay.

- How would it work?
- Okay.

Okay, okay.
So, say you're into body image, okay?

- Okay.
- Body image?

- Sure.
- Yes, exactly.

I'm not being funny or anything, but
I don't think that's gonna work for Neil.

I dunno.
You say that, Tracey...

Okay, okay, okay...
Say you're into bi-polar, right?

- Into bi-polar?
- Sure.

All right, okay, here we go.

Okay, so you've got issues
around low self-esteem, whatever.

- Yeah, have I?
- Yes.

So you upload stuff to BBC Me...

Bada bing... you've got a voice.

- Right...
- Okay?

And it's your voice, okay?

But it's also the voice of the BBC.

- Which is like super cool.
- Brilliant.

- Brilliant.
- Brilliant.

Pretty soon, you've got a community.

Before you know it,

- you've got a range of memes.
- Right, okay.

- Memes?
- Oh...

We're in interesting territory here,
aren't we?

- Are we?
- Yes, exactly.

No, glorious, really.

Although it's not a completely new idea,
is it?

Okay, it totally is, okay?

What we're talking about here,

it's a version
of YouTube, isn't it?

- Excuse me?
- I mean...

Suddenly, you're like,
mainlining 17-year-olds here?

- We're what?
- Like, duh!

No, I mean, I have to say, I mean, listen,
who knows where any of Tony's buttons are.

- No.
- But if anything's gonna push them,

- then one has to think that this is it.
- Yes, exactly.

- It so is. Tony who?
- Tony Hall, Siobhan.

- Sure.
- Director General of...

No, no, sure,
I'm good with that.

Yes, although is it just me?

Or is there an argument for us
making content for our audience,

rather than them making content
for us?

- Yes.
- Okay, okay.

- I've gotta say I agree with you.
- Yes, very good, Ian, very strong.

Okay, what part of this
are you not getting?

- No, I get it. I just...
- Okay, it's over, okay? Over. Period.

- Brilliant.
- I mean, it's like goodbye, BBC you guys,

- Hello, BBC Me.
- Yes.

- Right.
- Great.

- Yes, no, very good.
- Yes, exactly, yes.

Later in the day, it's the afternoon

and assistant-of-some-kind Will Humphries
is hard at work.

...takes advantage to fly
up to the nest and check on those eggs.

But look at this, Chris. He's quite...

But Izzy Gould
has stopped by to see him

on her way to a meeting
she's decided she's going to.

- Whoa...
- Will?

Oh yeah, hi Izzy. Yeah, hey.

- You busy?
- Yeah, pretty busy, yeah.

- Right.
- Yes, so like what I'm doing

I have to watch, like,
catch up for Ian Fletcher.

- Right. Catch up.
- Yeah, I know, mental.

Like, he's so busy
he doesn't have time to watch TV.

I have to watch stuff for him
and write, like, a report.

- Right. Interesting.
- Yeah, so like today,

- I'm watching Springwatch.
- Oh okay, Springwatch.

- Yeah, the otters have died.
- Oh, right. Well, that's...

Yeah, no, yeah, it's pretty sad.

Yes, I was actually wondering
if you've got a moment?

Yeah, no, say again?

I was wondering if you're free.

Yeah, okay, cool.

So I don't know
what this is about, okay?

- Okay, cool.
- Only found out about it by accident.

- So, it's like what?
- Well, it's a meeting.

- Yeah, meeting.
- That's all I know.

Yeah, meeting. Yeah, cool.

'Cause the thought I had, and this is just
another thought I had about this, Matt,

is maybe something like,
The Great British Bike-Off.

- Sure.
- Meanwhile,

David Wilkes
is already some way into his meeting

with head of Output Matt Taverner
about On Your Bike.

And as usual, he's absolutely full of it.

So, you have different celebrities racing
against each other each week.

- Yeah, no, sure. That's great.
- But then you have professional judges

- like, er...who's that girl with the...
- Hey, guys!

- Hi, Matt.
- Yeah, hey, yeah.

Good to see you.

- Hey yeah, good to see you, yeah, cool.
- Hi, David.

Hello, lovely.

I told Matt that it'd be good
for Will to be here too.

- Yes.
- Yeah, I know, sure.

- Since it was actually his idea.
- Yes, no, lovely one.

Great, grab a seat, guys, grab a seat.

Matt has called the meeting in
order to bring everyone who's coming to it

up to speed with some recent developments
that have happened

with the On Your Bike idea.

Great, so, er, so headline is,

I've got a, like a general catch-up
with Anna next week.

- Right, yes.
- Anna.

What I'm gonna say to her is I think
this could have real potential for BBC Me.

- Right.
- Okay.

- Whoa.
- BBC Me?

- Yep, sure.
- Do you know what, Matt?

- That's really interesting, Matt.
- But BBC Me,

that's, like, that's online, isn't it?

- Sure.
- That's gonna be...

like user-generated content?

Yes, it is, Izzy, yes, that's correct.

But how's that gonna work
with something like On Your Bike?

- Sure.
- Which is like the exact opposite of that.

No, sure, great, Izzy, yes.

- We should maybe talk about that.
- Right.

Such is the sudden buzz
around the idea of BBC Me

as a possible future for the BBC,

That Matt is keen to have been developing
ideas in that area

for as long as possible.

I mean, don't get me wrong, Izzy.
I love what you've done.

- Right.
- Yes.

- Love where you've taken this idea.
- Genius.

- Yeah, me too.
- So yes, so what's...

- so great about this, originally, anyway...
- Sure.

It's basically such a simple idea.

It's like a reinvention
of the classic chat show,

- but, like, on a bike.
- No, sure.

- And the really...
- Yeah, no, sure, Izzy, it's great.

So I guess
what's really exciting about this

is where we might be able
to get to with it from here.

- Right, er...
- Do you know what, Matt?

- I'm excited listening. I'm excited too.
- Sure.

- But I mean...
- Hey, guys.

- Jack...
- Sorry... Sorry I'm late.

- No, sure.
- Just a couple of Anna things

I had to sort out.

- Sure.
- Lovely Anna.

- Hi.
- Hi.

So I asked Jack to look in, 'cause I know
you've had some thoughts.

- Yeah, sure.
- Right.

- Hello, Will.
- Yeah hey, no worries, yeah, cool.

- Hi.
- Ah, yes.

- Sorry if I'm late.
- No, you're not.

- I'm early for some reason.
- Well, here we are.

Yes, here we are, yes.

- Who'd have thought it?
- Yes.

Meanwhile across town,

Lucy and Ian
have escaped to Euston Station

to begin a journey that will take them
to Manchester, Salford,

and ultimately all the way

to the midweek Match of the Day FA Cup
Third Round Highlights Package.

No sign of Anna yet?

- Not yet, no.
- Right.

- I don't know where she's coming from.
- Well, no, neither do I.

I mean, we've got a bit of time,
shall we go and get...

- Oh, here she is.
- Oh, right, yes.

- Anna, hi.
- Yes, hi, yes.

- Hi, Anna.
- Yes.

- Great, so we're all here.
- Yes.

Yes, exactly, yes.

I was just asking Lucy, 'cause we've
actually got a bit of time, haven't we?

- If she wanted to go and get a coffee?
- Yes.

- Yes, exactly, yes.
- Right.

I'll have a decaf skinny flat white.

- Right, er...
- No, no...

Not in a cardboard thing.

No, I was actually suggesting us going
and getting a coffee together.

- Yes.
- If that's something you...

- Yes, exactly.
- Right, okay.

- Good.
- Yes.

'Cause one of the things
at the moment...

Does, does this feel a bit,
I dunno, does it feel a bit television?

- Sure.
- A bit "television"?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, no, sure.

With a sudden bulge of ideas
for the new BBC Me,

part of Jack's job
in Betterness Development

involves helping to position ideas like
On Your Bike to achieve maximum effect.

I thought,
maybe it could be

like loads
of different people on different bikes.

Like really fast,
maybe a couple words each.

- Sure.
- What?!

- Oh, my God!
- 'Cause basically, what this is,

- uh, it could be a selfie on a bike.
- Sure.

- I mean, that's...
- Oh my God, stop it, Jack.

And you might wanna talk
about the title.

Yeah, no, sure. That's great.

- But, sorry, Matt, but...
- Izzy, yeah?

I mean that's like...
I don't really know where to start, erm...

Sure.

It's like we're not talking
about this anymore now.

- No, sure.
- This is not what Will came to me with.

- This is something else.
- Yeah, no, sure. Great.

So, I guess the question to think about,

because it feels to me
like we're on a journey now with this.

- Right.
- Yeah.

- Yes, we are, Matt, yes.
- I mean, I don't know,

I'm just putting this out there.
Something to think about

- is if that's a journey you wanna go on.
- Yes.

And whatever you guys decide, okay,
I completely get that, okay,

'cause it's absolutely your thing.

Right.

I think Will and I
need to talk about this.

- No, sure.
- Yeah, no worries, yeah, cool.

...poor passing.
There was no energy about that game.

Made it easier
than it should have been for...

- Here he is.
- Clive, hi.

- Hi, yes.
- Ian Fletcher.

Yeah, hi, Ian, really good to meet you.

Meanwhile, Ian, Lucy and Anna
have got to the end of the line,

and have arrived
at the Match of the Day studios

in the heart
of Manchester's Salford.

- And you know Anna.
- Hello. Yeah, well, we've not met,

- but it's really good to meet you too.
- Yes, exactly, yes.

- And Lucy, of course.
- Hi.

- Oh, hi Lucy, yes.
- Lucy Freeman.

- Yes, good to meet you at last.
- Yes, you too.

- Always on the phone and the bloody email.
- I know!

- It's great to be able to...
- Yes, exactly yes.

As the BBC's Head of Football

and Match of the Day
Senior Executive Producer,

Clive Cook is the man responsible

for imagining everything
that could possibly go wrong

with the BBC's flagship live sports show.

And then we spent the whole evening rehearsing.

Right. So, how's it going?

- How is it going?
- Yes, how's it going?

- I mean with Ryan and...
- Yes, exactly, with Ryan, yes.

Well, we got through the tech,
er, somehow.

- Right.
- And I have to say,

we weren't sure how
this was gonna go initially,

but I think we're at a point now
where we can say with some confidence

- that he isn't actually crap.
- Right.

It's just something
he's got in him, I think.

- Right, yes.
- Right.

Yeah.

No, I mean,
not a great night for Southampton,

but you know,
Norwich came here with a clear intention,

they kept their shape
and they worked hard.

They had a plan
and I guess they stuck to it.

Yeah, you've gotta
give them credit for that, Gary,

and in the end, they got the result,

which I'm sure they'd taken
before the start of the game.

By 10:35, the waiting is over,
and it's time for Match of the Day.

And Ryan, you were less than impressed
with some of Southampton's defending.

Yeah, I was, Gary.
Yeah, I was.

- Right.
- Well, for me, they were poor,

and for me, that's unacceptable.

And I think you've got some examples
that you wanted to highlight.

Yeah, I have, yeah.
Well, for me, they were poor, Gary,

and for me,
when you're poor at this level,

you're gonna end up getting beat.

And yes, they got a draw, but I'm sorry,

for me,
that's not a win in my book.

Er, right. And I know
you've been looking in particular

at their defensive shape at the back.

Yeah, I have, yeah.
Okay, right, so if you look here...

Oh no, wait, that's, er, there's a bit
where if... oh yeah, here we go... Right, so...

You've got your basic diamond, right?

And what happens if, yeah, so Yoshida,
he's in the channel on the left...

Or no, on the right. Yeah...
But Bertrand's over here, look.

Hang on a minute...
Yeah, here we go...

He’s in the hole behind Højbjerg,
who's gone all the way over here instead.

Now look, where's he going?
Look, there he goes, look.

Oh no, wait, is that Van Dijk?
Yeah.

Whereas Ward-Prowse is basically left
trying to make a diamond on his own,

which for me, I'm sorry,
he's not gonna do that.

I mean, what is that?
It's not even a shape.

It's just like a pointy line.
Well, I'm sorry, but for me,

you're not gonna win games at this level
with pointy lines, Gary.

Right. - I mean, if these were actual cars, right?

This would literally be a car crash,
do you know what I'm saying?

It's poor and for me,
I'm sorry, that's not acceptable.

Yes. Okay, er, well,
three more games still to come tonight

and plenty of football to look forward to
at the weekend...

in the Premier League, of course,
with third-place Arsenal taking on...

Given where Salford is
in relation to anywhere else,

it was always going to be too late
to get back to London.

- There you go, Mr. Fletcher, 305.
- Right.

Would you like help with your luggage?

- No.
- 305.

Yes, you're all next
to each other actually.

- Right.
- If that's gonna be okay for you.

- Yes, I mean that's...
- As I say, if you'd like any help with..

- No. No I don't want that.
- Right.

Okay.
Well, enjoy your night with us tonight.

- Yes, exactly.
- Yes.

Yes.

Yes, I know he did...

I know he was...

I know it hasn't.

No, I know you're not.

At last, in the unashamedly
budget hotel booked by the BBC,

Ian has got a moment at the end of the day
to enjoy some quiet nuts

and an uninterrupted phone call from
Senior BBC Press Officer Tracey Pritchard,

who has phoned to bring him up to speed
with the bad feeling she's got

- about how things have gone.
- Yes, I know.

No, I'm sure you haven't.

Listen, Tracey, it's quarter to one,

let's sleep on it and regroup in...
Yes, I know it is.

Yes, okay.

Yes, speak to you in...
No, I know it hasn't.

Speak to you in the morning.
Okay, bye.

Bye.

- Oh, hi.
- Hi.

- Sorry, I don't want to...
- No, no.

- If you were...
- Er, no, come in.

- I mean, if you are still up.
- Yes, well, apparently, I am, yes.

- No, I was just talking to Tracey.
- Right, yes. How is she?

Well, apparently, er, Ryan Shelford
is now trending on Twitter.

- Yes.
- #FootballSexy.

- Yes, I saw that.
- Yes, but at the same time,

according to Tracey,
the complaints log have received

- over 400 calls from football fans.
- Right.

Apparently, the highest number of
complaints in a single evening

ever recorded in peacetime, or something.

- Really. Oh, dear.
- Yes, so anyway.

- So that's all good.
- Yes.

- Anyway.
- Yes.

- So...
- Yes, no, I don't wanna disturb you.

No, that's okay.

- Do you want some vaguely white wine?
- Er, well...

I mean, you might as well.
I'm never gonna get through all this.

No, it was just...
so I got this email earlier.

- Right.
- I don't know if you got it too?

- Email about what?
- Er, well, this...

Oh, right, no, I didn't get this.

Lucy has just found out,

that as part of the BBC's
new More of Less initiative,

a key part
of its preparation for charter renewal,

a new post of Head of Empowerment
is to be created,

combining both the existing roles of
Head of Diversity and Head of Inclusivity,

which are to be unimagined going forward.

Sorry, when did you get this?

- About an hour ago.
- Right.

- So I didn't really feel like sleeping.
- No, I mean, do sit down, obviously.

- I mean, I don't know what to say.
- No, well...

Needless to say,
this is the first I've heard of it.

- What the hell's that? I'm sorry I don't...
- No.

- Oh... I don't know what...
- No... no, yes.

- Anna.
- Ah.

- Hi.
- Yes, exactly. The fact is I'm not drunk.

No, right.

- Yes, so...
- Hi, Anna.

- Yes.
- Yes.