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[Jenna]
Previously on Awkward...
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00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:06,267
You have become cool.
3
00:00:06,397 --> 00:00:08,182
Ah, Matty [beep] McKibben!
4
00:00:08,312 --> 00:00:09,357
Things were different.
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00:00:09,487 --> 00:00:10,749
I'd want it to be
way more than a hookup.
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00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:12,577
Things are pretty different.
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00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:15,015
Get some sleep, honey.
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00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:22,065
[Jenna voice-over]
By all online accounts,
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00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:23,849
I had both thrown and missed
the event of the year.
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00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:25,677
It was clearly a great party,
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00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:27,853
which was awesome
for everyone who went,
12
00:00:27,984 --> 00:00:29,594
but not so awesome for me.
13
00:00:29,725 --> 00:00:30,682
[computer chimes]
14
00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:32,336
[pop music]
15
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:34,034
[chiming]
16
00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:36,601
Each new photo
and every nice message
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00:00:36,732 --> 00:00:39,822
reminded me of exactly how much
fun I have missed out on.
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00:00:39,952 --> 00:00:41,258
♪
19
00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:43,260
I told myself to
turn off my phone,
20
00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:44,783
but I couldn't looked away.
21
00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:47,134
I was drowning in a sea
of selfies and self-pity.
22
00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:49,614
I needed something to
cushion the fomo blow.
23
00:00:49,745 --> 00:00:52,139
I needed cupcakes.
24
00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:54,793
A little sugar always
remedied my sads.
25
00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:56,491
Hey, hands off.
26
00:00:56,621 --> 00:00:58,667
Those are for Ally's
sex toy party.
27
00:00:58,797 --> 00:01:00,147
Aren't they cute?
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00:01:00,277 --> 00:01:01,409
Yeah, Mom.
That's exactly what
29
00:01:01,539 --> 00:01:03,889
I'd call penis cupcakes.
Cute.
30
00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:05,804
- Cute or cliché?
- What am I looking at?
31
00:01:05,935 --> 00:01:07,502
Swallow and dove
wedding cake toppers.
32
00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:09,199
- Hey, Jenna.
- I've created a Pinterest board
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00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:11,897
for both because they're
life-maters like barn owls,
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00:01:12,028 --> 00:01:13,029
and termites
and Tom Brady and Giselle.
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00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,422
[boy]
What's up, Jenna?
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00:01:14,552 --> 00:01:16,772
You created a Pinterest
for a fake wedding?
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00:01:16,902 --> 00:01:18,469
I had to. Do you know how much
stuff is out there
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00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,384
waiting to be pinned
when you're a bride to be?
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00:01:20,515 --> 00:01:22,343
Do you know how insane it is
that you've kept up the charade
40
00:01:22,473 --> 00:01:23,735
and haven't told Adam the truth?
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00:01:23,866 --> 00:01:25,911
I can't just tell him the truth.
42
00:01:26,042 --> 00:01:27,304
- Jenna.
- To go from fiancé
43
00:01:27,435 --> 00:01:29,219
to fianc-ex
without any warning is like,
44
00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:31,482
I never intended to be
his intended.
45
00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:33,136
- Just...
- Hi.
46
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:34,877
Give me and my wedding
a few more days together.
47
00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:36,922
- Hey, Jenna.
- Why is everyone
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00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:38,663
so post-party partial to you?
49
00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:40,752
You were there for, like,
a full half a second.
50
00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:42,754
I didn't even think anyone
noticed us anyway.
51
00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:44,843
Apparently somebody
noticed something.
52
00:01:44,974 --> 00:01:46,541
[upbeat music]
53
00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:49,587
Hey, Jenna.
Sweet party yesterday.
54
00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:50,980
Big ups.
55
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,547
Thanks, Troy Langworthy.
56
00:01:52,677 --> 00:01:55,071
Big ups to you too.
57
00:01:55,202 --> 00:01:56,855
Troy Langworthy
just spoke to me.
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00:01:56,986 --> 00:01:58,988
I'm as shocked as you are.
About that and about the fact
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00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,250
you said "big ups" out loud.
60
00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:01,599
It doesn't even
make any sense.
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00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:02,905
He only hangs out
with the Julies.
62
00:02:03,035 --> 00:02:04,385
Why am I on his radar?
63
00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:06,430
Put a flavored condom
on your head
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00:02:06,561 --> 00:02:08,389
because your mind is about
to get blown.
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00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:10,913
Jenna, you're legit popular.
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00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:13,307
Jenna, your party was the balls.
67
00:02:13,437 --> 00:02:16,048
People literally won't shut
their ham holes about it.
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00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:17,659
Let's selfie.
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00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:18,921
[Jenna voice-over]
Was short-circuiting the school
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00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:20,444
and throwing
a killer beach party
71
00:02:20,575 --> 00:02:22,707
all it took
to get tagged by the Julies?
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00:02:22,838 --> 00:02:24,274
This was my moment to shine,
73
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:27,234
and this selfie would capture it
forever and ever.
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00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:28,887
[camera shutter clicks]
75
00:02:29,018 --> 00:02:30,498
[typing]
76
00:02:30,628 --> 00:02:32,674
[boom]
77
00:02:32,804 --> 00:02:34,197
[playful music]
78
00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:35,720
Ew!
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00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:37,461
We can't post this.
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00:02:37,592 --> 00:02:38,854
[Jenna voice-over]
The jig was up.
They saw I was
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00:02:38,984 --> 00:02:40,812
an accidental tourist
in popularland.
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00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:43,119
Jenna, don't get
self defensie, but...
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00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:44,338
You've got spaz face.
84
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:45,687
Severe.
85
00:02:45,817 --> 00:02:48,342
Fix it and we'll reshoot
at lunch.
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00:02:48,472 --> 00:02:50,344
♪
87
00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:51,606
This is weird.
88
00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:53,390
[Tamara]
This is Lady Gaga's story.
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00:02:53,521 --> 00:02:57,089
Sad spaz teen
turned global phenomenon.
90
00:02:57,220 --> 00:03:00,136
That over there?
That is weird.
91
00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:04,358
Jabby has gone public and it's
mouth hugging all over our Quad.
92
00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:06,621
Jenna, hey.
93
00:03:06,751 --> 00:03:09,841
Thanks for getting my drunk butt
home after your beach party.
94
00:03:09,972 --> 00:03:11,234
Just a couple of follow ups.
95
00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:12,975
Did I pee in anyone's yard?
96
00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:15,760
And, was I wearing more
than one shoe when you got me?
97
00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:17,632
Hold up,
Sir Drinks-A-Lot.
98
00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:19,373
Did baby get blackout?
99
00:03:19,503 --> 00:03:20,939
Hazy brownout.
100
00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:22,637
It's only the end of
the party that's sketchy.
101
00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,682
- What a dick.
- Hilarious.
102
00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:26,075
[laughter]
103
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,424
What is that?
104
00:03:27,555 --> 00:03:31,646
Your bender is a trender.
105
00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:33,996
And I'm Matty [beep] McKibben!
106
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:35,911
And I'm Matty [beep] McKibben!
107
00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:37,869
[Jenna voice-over]
I knew Matty has been wasted
at the party.
108
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,611
I didn't know he committed
social suicide.
109
00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:42,874
A guy like Matty
losing his cool like that
110
00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:43,962
was viral gold.
111
00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:45,921
I'm such an ass[beep].
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00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:47,662
Yeah, you are.
113
00:03:47,792 --> 00:03:49,577
Matty [beep] McKibben.
114
00:03:49,707 --> 00:03:52,580
[playful music]
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♪
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00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:58,977
A bunch of Ally's stupid,
sloppy, sex-starved friends
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00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:01,415
alcohol-poisoning themselves
and shopping for boink toys?
118
00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:03,330
It's going to be
a total freak show.
119
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,897
There is no way I'm missing it.
120
00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:07,464
Lissa, heel!
121
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:09,074
Sorry.
122
00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:11,642
Ally's not allowing man-parts
at her dildo fest
123
00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:12,730
that aren't battery operated,
124
00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:14,036
so Sergio's out and you're in.
125
00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,603
I can't go.
I'm grounded.
126
00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:17,039
For what?
127
00:04:17,169 --> 00:04:18,519
I don't know.
Mommy won't tell me.
128
00:04:18,649 --> 00:04:20,347
What happened to your face?
129
00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:22,697
Mommy's doing migraine braids
on me again.
130
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,307
She's been extra uptight
and stressy
131
00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:26,353
since Daddy moved in
with DeAndre.
132
00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:29,747
Well, she needs to de-stress
so you can have your face back.
133
00:04:29,878 --> 00:04:31,836
I know! I taught her
some Atonercises,
134
00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:34,317
but they just seem
to wind her up more.
135
00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:37,494
When God made your mommy,
he put a stick way up her ass.
136
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:39,235
It's going to take a lot more
than exercise
137
00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:40,454
to make her happy.
138
00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:41,846
I should get her a puppy!
139
00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:44,109
No, what that psycho ward
needs to unwind
140
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,025
is, like, a Hawaiian vacation
or two dozen hot stone massages
141
00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:48,940
or, duh, I bet a good boning
would help.
142
00:04:49,071 --> 00:04:50,725
[upbeat music]
143
00:04:50,855 --> 00:04:53,728
We're going on a triple date
with hot college guys tonight.
144
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:54,990
Just don't be a spaz.
145
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,600
Yeah, be careful of your face.
146
00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:57,949
What?
Wait.
147
00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,429
I'm going on the triple date?
148
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:00,952
Obvi.
Do the math.
149
00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:02,954
Three guys, two Julies.
150
00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:04,695
It's too much for us
on a weeknight.
151
00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:06,044
Make a hole, newbies!
152
00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:07,307
Where were you on her blog?
153
00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:08,873
Move it!
154
00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:10,310
Hey, can Tamara come
and make it a quadruple date?
155
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:11,311
[Tamara]
Oh, Tamara can't.
156
00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:12,616
What? Why?
157
00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,444
'Cause, I am still
otherwise engaged.
158
00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:16,577
It would be inappropes for me
to go on a triple date.
159
00:05:16,707 --> 00:05:19,014
But, Jenna, you should embrace
this new rung on the populadder.
160
00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:21,451
Just promise me you'll tell me
what it's like up there.
161
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,018
[Matty]
Hey, can I sit here?
162
00:05:23,148 --> 00:05:24,715
[Jenna voice-over]
Everyone had seen the video
163
00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:26,978
of Matty losing his cool,
and now they were treating
164
00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:28,328
Matty [beep] McKibben
165
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:30,373
like he was the black
[beep] plague.
166
00:05:30,504 --> 00:05:32,593
No one wanted the plague
at their table.
167
00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:34,638
Not the jocks,
not the preps,
168
00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:36,336
not even the band guys.
169
00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:37,728
Hashtag poor Matty.
170
00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:38,947
Such a tragedy.
171
00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:41,079
You should stop that
before it trends.
172
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,867
Hey, are you okay?
You look a little...lost.
173
00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:47,956
Uh, yeah, well, I-I feel it.
174
00:05:48,086 --> 00:05:50,654
The weirdest [beep] has been
happening to me all day long.
175
00:05:50,785 --> 00:05:52,700
[playful music]
176
00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:54,310
Hey.
177
00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:57,182
♪
178
00:05:57,313 --> 00:05:58,836
[boy]
Trevor.
179
00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:00,621
♪ You deserve it all
180
00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:01,578
♪ You deserve it all
181
00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:03,841
Leroy.
182
00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:05,843
♪ 'Cause you deserve it all
183
00:06:05,974 --> 00:06:07,715
♪ You deserve it all
184
00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:10,935
♪ You deserve it a-a-all
185
00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:12,502
♪ Yes you deserve it all
186
00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:14,417
♪ You deserve it all
187
00:06:14,548 --> 00:06:15,679
♪ You deserve it
188
00:06:15,810 --> 00:06:17,899
I mean, this is messed up,right?
189
00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:18,943
Oh!
190
00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:20,554
Did you just see that?
191
00:06:20,684 --> 00:06:23,252
It's like I'm not even here.
Am I invisible?
192
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,514
Matty, you're not invisible.
193
00:06:24,645 --> 00:06:26,255
You're unpopular.
194
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,300
[lively music]
195
00:06:34,132 --> 00:06:35,873
I know I acted like a complete
d-bag, but this is brutal.
196
00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:37,658
Everyone is shutting me out.
197
00:06:37,788 --> 00:06:39,050
I'm sorry, Matty.
198
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:40,835
You never would have
been such an ass[beep]
199
00:06:40,965 --> 00:06:42,619
if you hadn't been blindsided
about Jake and Gabby.
200
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:43,968
I should've told you.
201
00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:45,579
Yeah, you think?
202
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:47,537
Well, it was a weird position
to be in.
203
00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:49,234
And why do I always end up
204
00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:51,411
with all the weird dirt
on your girlfriends?
205
00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:54,109
It's like some twisted
cosmic joke.
206
00:06:54,239 --> 00:06:56,328
And what do I do with all
the unwanted info?
207
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:58,853
Because our relationship
is really confusing.
208
00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:01,159
As your friend, yeah,
I should've told you.
209
00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:03,031
But as your ex,
it's so not my business.
210
00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:05,599
How do we navigate this
next time it happens?
211
00:07:05,729 --> 00:07:08,210
I mean, do I decide if I'm
feeling friend-ier or ex-ier?
212
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:10,691
You've definitely been putting
some thought into this.
213
00:07:10,821 --> 00:07:11,953
Shut up.
214
00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:13,650
No, I'm just--
I'm pissed at myself
215
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:15,304
for being such an idiot.
216
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,479
I'm a joke.
217
00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:17,785
It'll blow over.
218
00:07:17,915 --> 00:07:19,482
- Uh...
- Meantime, lift up your tray.
219
00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:20,875
- What? Why?
- Now!
220
00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:22,964
- Yeah, that's why.
- Hey!
221
00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:24,487
Which one of you [beep] heads
threw that?
222
00:07:24,618 --> 00:07:26,358
- Shut up!
- Sit down.
223
00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:27,969
Sit down.
It's nothing personal.
224
00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:30,275
They just throw stuff over here
in a general way.
225
00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:31,538
That's awful.
226
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:33,627
- And wasteful.
- J!
227
00:07:33,757 --> 00:07:35,324
- Hurry up.
- We're bouncing out.
228
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,847
Um, I have to go.
229
00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:38,719
I'm grabbing froyo
with some friends.
230
00:07:38,849 --> 00:07:40,198
Which friends?
231
00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:43,288
Julie, Julie, and...
Troy Langworthy.
232
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:44,855
Troy Bangworthy?
233
00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:46,770
It's not like that.
Troy and I are just friends.
234
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:47,902
Right.
235
00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:49,338
But you can do this.
236
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,209
Just keep your tray up
and your head down.
237
00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,778
[dramatic music]
238
00:07:54,909 --> 00:07:56,345
Jenna doesn't know anything.
239
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,173
She was never this close
to the bottom.
240
00:07:58,303 --> 00:07:59,870
Not like you and me.
241
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:01,045
And Leroy.
242
00:08:01,176 --> 00:08:03,570
♪
243
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,572
We can help you.
244
00:08:05,702 --> 00:08:08,009
If you want to survive in
the netherworld of the uncool,
245
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:09,750
you can't think
how you used to think.
246
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,796
[upbeat music]
247
00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:14,755
♪
248
00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:16,539
♪ Don't even tell me about how
I'm supposed to live ♪
249
00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:17,584
Are you hungry, McKibben?
250
00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:19,803
Those harpies will starve you.
251
00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:21,892
The lunch ladies might normally
be on your jock,
252
00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:24,025
but that siren song
ain't going to feed you.
253
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:26,636
If you want to eat,
you have to think like us.
254
00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:28,682
Home-ec trash is
a hungry man's treasure.
255
00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:31,423
♪ And I know my feet
will be under me ♪
256
00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:33,295
♪
257
00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:34,775
♪ Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa
258
00:08:34,905 --> 00:08:37,778
Consider the regular bathroom
off limits.
259
00:08:37,908 --> 00:08:40,476
Bad things can happen in there
now that you're the unwashed.
260
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:41,738
Use this place instead.
261
00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:43,131
There's no toilet.
262
00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:45,263
♪ Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa
263
00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:47,439
♪ I'm walking on
my own two feet ♪
264
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:48,832
Screw your old friends.
265
00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:50,791
These spiders
are great listeners.
266
00:08:50,921 --> 00:08:52,488
And they're always here for you.
267
00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:53,794
♪
268
00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:55,665
Hello, gorgeous.
269
00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:56,710
[laughs softly]
270
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,102
What's that?
271
00:08:58,233 --> 00:08:59,234
[laughs softly]
272
00:08:59,364 --> 00:09:00,757
♪
273
00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:02,454
Always be prepared
with a change of clothes.
274
00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:04,195
You got lucky
with that pudding cup.
275
00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:06,241
Wow.
Okay.
276
00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:08,112
Kyle, Leroy,
thanks for all of this.
277
00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:10,811
But I think this has to be
the last stop on the tour.
278
00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:12,334
It is the last stop
on the tour.
279
00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:14,597
No, I mean, I can't
live like this.
280
00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:17,078
The bucket, the trash can
cinnamon rolls,
281
00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:18,340
insects for friends.
282
00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:19,950
Spiders are arachnids.
283
00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:21,473
If you don't like
cinnamon rolls,
284
00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:22,474
they throw away
other stuff.
285
00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:23,911
I'm sorry, guys.
286
00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:26,870
[upbeat music]
287
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:33,747
♪
288
00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:35,487
[Lissa]
Let me help you, Mommy.
289
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:39,274
Elbows up an itsy bit more
for Prayer Power Squats.
290
00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:41,058
Good.
291
00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:43,539
You've been Atonercising
a lot lately.
292
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:46,368
It's so good
for releasing stress.
293
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:48,152
Do you feel like you're
releasing stress, Mommy?
294
00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:50,415
Do I look like
I'm releasing stress, Lissa?
295
00:09:50,546 --> 00:09:51,721
♪
296
00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:53,331
Maybe we should do
some stretches.
297
00:09:53,462 --> 00:09:55,029
It'll loosen you up.
298
00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:56,378
I don't want to loosen up.
That's the problem
299
00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:58,336
with this world.
It's too damn loose.
300
00:09:58,467 --> 00:09:59,860
But, Mommy, sometimes
is good to...
301
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:01,557
open things up.
302
00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:02,689
Are you talking about sex?
303
00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:04,516
No, I was
talking about yoga.
304
00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:06,431
Because we don't talk about
those things in this house.
305
00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:07,737
I wasn't, I swear.
306
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:09,609
Intercourse is
for procreation,
307
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:10,958
not recreation.
308
00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:13,134
Well, sometimes it can
be for both.
309
00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:16,137
I just mean, if you're doing it
for the right reasons,
310
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:17,878
you can probably get
some pleasure out of it.
311
00:10:18,008 --> 00:10:20,141
No, it don't work like that,Lissa.
312
00:10:20,271 --> 00:10:21,969
Trust me,
I know from experience.
313
00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:23,361
With Daddy?
314
00:10:23,492 --> 00:10:24,667
Well, of course with Daddy.
315
00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:27,278
We must have done it
half a dozen times.
316
00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:29,716
And you never...?
317
00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:31,369
- Never what?
- Felt anything?
318
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,893
You know like a...
319
00:10:33,023 --> 00:10:35,460
a little sneeze
in your Suzy?
320
00:10:35,591 --> 00:10:37,941
Who is Suzy?
321
00:10:38,072 --> 00:10:39,464
Lissa!
322
00:10:39,595 --> 00:10:42,642
We don't discuss these things
in this house.
323
00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:44,905
And I-I certainly don't discuss
these things
324
00:10:45,035 --> 00:10:46,907
with my 18-year-old daughter.
325
00:10:47,037 --> 00:10:48,343
You're right, Mommy,
I'm sorry.
326
00:10:48,473 --> 00:10:50,040
I don't know
what I was thinking.
327
00:10:50,171 --> 00:10:52,913
Hey!
I have an idea.
328
00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:55,872
How about we get out
of the house and go for a ride?
329
00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:58,309
♪
330
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,229
Hey, Jake.
331
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,276
Can we talk for a second?
332
00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:10,321
Sure.
333
00:11:10,452 --> 00:11:12,236
Look, I was...
334
00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:13,542
an ass[beep] at the beach.
335
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,413
A lot of [beep]
had gone down.
336
00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:17,024
You have to admit that.
337
00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:19,504
And I was just
totally wasted.
338
00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:21,202
Yeah, I know
you were wasted.
339
00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:22,725
That's the problem.
340
00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:24,596
People say the truest [beep]
when they're drunk.
341
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:26,773
I didn't mean any of it,
you know that.
342
00:11:26,903 --> 00:11:28,513
Okay, man.
343
00:11:28,644 --> 00:11:30,124
I just hope you got it
all off your chest.
344
00:11:30,254 --> 00:11:33,083
[stirring music]
345
00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:34,389
♪
346
00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:35,477
[car engine starts]
347
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:42,745
♪
348
00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:44,573
[Jenna voice-over]
Today had been crazy.
349
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,793
But crazy felt pretty good.
350
00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:48,229
After four years on the outside,
351
00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:51,841
I was suddenly in the epicenter
of popularland.
352
00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:53,190
The only problem,
353
00:11:53,321 --> 00:11:55,323
I have never gone out
with in-crowd,
354
00:11:55,453 --> 00:11:56,541
so I had no clue what to wear
355
00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:58,369
on a triple date
with the Julies.
356
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:01,372
Lucky for me,
I had a secret weapon.
357
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:03,026
Mom!
358
00:12:03,157 --> 00:12:05,333
What is it, honey?
Oh, crap, wait.
359
00:12:05,463 --> 00:12:09,206
Ally! Will you take the
mini-wieners off the stove?
360
00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:10,599
[Ally]
I've never done a mini-wiener.
361
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,253
And I'm not starting now.
362
00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:14,124
What do you need, sweetie?
The party is about to start.
363
00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:16,561
I need help with my outfit.
364
00:12:16,692 --> 00:12:18,085
I thought this day
would never come.
365
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:19,390
Me neither.
366
00:12:19,521 --> 00:12:20,827
But I'm going out
with the Julies,
367
00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:21,958
and three college guys...
368
00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:23,307
tonight.
369
00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:25,048
Ah, ha-ha-ha!
370
00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:27,050
Oh, I always knew
you had it in you.
371
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:28,660
Mm.
372
00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:29,923
You don't worry about a thing.
373
00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:32,142
Mama's here.
374
00:12:32,273 --> 00:12:35,711
Ugh! You weren't actually
considering wearing this?
375
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,061
Because it should
be burned.
376
00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:39,933
- What about this?
- Ugh!
377
00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:41,630
[Jenna voice-over]
How was I gonna
pull off being popular
378
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,414
when I couldn't even pick out
the right shirt?
379
00:12:43,545 --> 00:12:45,416
What did I say?
What's wrong?
380
00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:48,637
It's just--even if I was wearing
the right color shirt,
381
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,247
I could still mess this up.
382
00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:51,988
I mean, what if I say
something stupid
383
00:12:52,119 --> 00:12:53,163
or embarrass myself?
384
00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:54,686
[Lacey]
You won't.
385
00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:56,340
You're stepping out of
your comfort zone.
386
00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:57,689
But no matter what you wear,
387
00:12:57,820 --> 00:12:59,866
you are still you on the inside.
388
00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:03,913
A smart, funny,
sensitive young lady.
389
00:13:04,044 --> 00:13:06,611
But since you have
such a great rack
390
00:13:06,742 --> 00:13:08,700
on the outside...
391
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:11,312
How about throwing
some sparkles on it?
392
00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:12,530
Work your assets.
393
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:14,271
Put this on.
394
00:13:14,402 --> 00:13:15,664
- Hm.
- [squeals]
395
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:16,665
Oh.
396
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,668
[pop music]
397
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,539
♪
398
00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:22,976
[Jenna voice-over]
My mom had giving me
the confidence
399
00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:25,065
to fully embrace my popularity.
400
00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:27,023
And to a sequins
on a school night.
401
00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:29,983
Okay, maybe not totally
confident on that last part.
402
00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:31,375
Are you sure
the sparkly shirt is best?
403
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:33,725
I mean, one of these
could be good too?
404
00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:34,726
[sex toy buzzing]
405
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:36,293
Little bitch got boobs!
406
00:13:36,424 --> 00:13:37,991
I have the perfect clamps
for those honkers.
407
00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:39,819
I'll even give you a discount.
408
00:13:39,949 --> 00:13:43,257
I'm feeling generous after
that shot of edible body lotion.
409
00:13:43,387 --> 00:13:45,433
Sorry, honey.
Ignore her.
410
00:13:45,563 --> 00:13:46,826
Like that's possible.
411
00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:48,088
Why can't she have her party
at her house?
412
00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:49,654
Party is not for me,
Hot Tits.
413
00:13:49,785 --> 00:13:50,917
It's for your knocked-up mama.
414
00:13:51,047 --> 00:13:52,875
Growing a small human
in her stomach
415
00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:54,877
makes her feel like
a beached whale in heat.
416
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:58,402
She needs tools and lubricants
to find her ocean again.
417
00:13:58,533 --> 00:13:59,839
[doorbell rings]
418
00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:07,020
We're here for Jenna.
419
00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:08,282
[sex toy buzzing]
420
00:14:08,412 --> 00:14:10,545
Oh, it doesn't bite.
But I do.
421
00:14:10,675 --> 00:14:12,155
Thanks, Ally.
422
00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:14,897
Hello. Good evening.
Hi, there. Wow!
423
00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:16,681
- Tall.
- Calm down, mom.
424
00:14:16,812 --> 00:14:19,380
Yeah, you have some bull riding
to do, Jugs.
425
00:14:19,510 --> 00:14:20,947
- Need a harness?
[sex toy buzzes]
426
00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:22,383
I think I got some
in my trunk.
427
00:14:27,649 --> 00:14:29,129
[Jenna voice-over]
It was my first night out
428
00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:30,957
with popularity,
and I had to admit...
429
00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:32,262
Their defense pretty much
shuts down
430
00:14:32,393 --> 00:14:33,960
everyone's running game, man.
431
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:34,961
- How amaze.
- Come on.
432
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:36,397
Let's selfie.
433
00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:37,572
[Jenna voice-over]
It was...different
434
00:14:37,702 --> 00:14:39,226
than I'd imagined it'd be.
435
00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:40,749
Their pass rush
is the real problem.
436
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,229
- Yes.
- Okay, what's that?
437
00:14:42,359 --> 00:14:44,187
Imagine my left arm
is the defense,
438
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:46,102
my right arm is
the offense, right?
439
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:48,409
My face is the ball.
440
00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:50,063
If the quarterback
is on the offense...
441
00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:51,455
[Jenna voice-over]
I was sure that soon
442
00:14:51,586 --> 00:14:53,805
we'd be having real fun
and making some great memories.
443
00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:57,461
Just like the ones I'd seen the
Julies post pics of on Facebook.
444
00:14:57,592 --> 00:14:59,550
That was definitely
gonna happen, right?
445
00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:00,725
Yo, hold up, hold up.
446
00:15:00,856 --> 00:15:01,683
She should pretend
to be the quarterback.
447
00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:02,727
- Yes!
- Yes.
448
00:15:02,858 --> 00:15:04,294
Okay, I'm gonna bend over.
449
00:15:04,425 --> 00:15:05,600
I need you to put
both your hands under my butt.
450
00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:06,601
Oh, no, no, that's okay.
451
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:08,603
We're toasting and posting.
452
00:15:08,733 --> 00:15:10,561
[beep] Jenna, your face.
453
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:11,823
Come on, bisnitches.
454
00:15:11,954 --> 00:15:13,695
Look like you're having
the best time ever.
455
00:15:13,825 --> 00:15:15,392
[Jenna voice-over]
We were definitely trying to,
456
00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:17,786
but something felt fake
about it all.
457
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,875
Maybe because it was all fake?
458
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:21,877
[camera shutter clicks]
459
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:24,619
[pop music playing
on headphones]
460
00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:32,409
♪
461
00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:33,193
[sighs]
462
00:15:33,323 --> 00:15:36,239
[cell phone ringing]
463
00:15:38,633 --> 00:15:39,895
[clears throat]
464
00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:41,418
Hello?
465
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:43,029
Are you kidding?
466
00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:44,552
It's always nice
to hear from you.
467
00:15:44,682 --> 00:15:47,990
Nope, I'm totally free tonight.
What is going on?
468
00:15:50,906 --> 00:15:52,690
Uh, yeah, I'll see you soon.
469
00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:54,692
[hip-hop music]
470
00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:58,131
[indistinct party chatter]
471
00:15:58,261 --> 00:16:00,481
A little fur goes
a long way, ladies.
472
00:16:00,611 --> 00:16:03,788
Add some warming gel
and it's a wild kingdom.
473
00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:04,746
- [howls]
[door closes]
474
00:16:04,876 --> 00:16:09,446
♪
475
00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:11,144
Lissa?
I thought you were grounded.
476
00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:12,928
She absolutely is.
477
00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:15,713
You said we were going to
a pot luck at Pastor Ned's.
478
00:16:15,844 --> 00:16:17,237
I thought it could be fun to try
something a little different
479
00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:18,455
than Pastor Ned's.
480
00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:20,457
Get out of the house.
Talk to people.
481
00:16:20,588 --> 00:16:22,764
Right, Mommy?
482
00:16:22,894 --> 00:16:24,592
- No.
- Yeah!
483
00:16:24,722 --> 00:16:25,506
Lissa, this is--
484
00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:26,811
Look, Mrs. Miller.
485
00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:28,074
They have white wine.
486
00:16:28,204 --> 00:16:29,205
Your favorite.
487
00:16:29,336 --> 00:16:31,468
Stay for one drink.
488
00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:32,687
♪
489
00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:34,645
Fine.
But just one.
490
00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:36,647
And that's it.
491
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:38,345
My mojo has flatlined,
492
00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:39,824
and Kev's willing to do
whatever it takes
493
00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:41,130
to give it a pulse.
494
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:42,871
Oh, well, that one
he can give it a pulse
495
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,960
from work on his phone.
496
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:47,354
♪
497
00:16:47,484 --> 00:16:49,182
I mean, you have to be
Nancy Grace
498
00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:51,836
not to feel sexy
with these suckers on.
499
00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:52,794
[laughs]
500
00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:56,015
♪
501
00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:57,799
Return to stupid.
502
00:16:57,929 --> 00:16:59,888
I have a man, boozebag.
503
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,020
But does Sergio vibrate?
504
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:02,282
When I tell him to.
505
00:17:02,412 --> 00:17:03,500
Ooh!
506
00:17:03,631 --> 00:17:04,632
[pop music]
507
00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:05,937
Ah.
508
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:08,201
Well, I need to lie down.
509
00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:10,333
Oh, honey, you can use my room.
510
00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:11,291
Oh.
511
00:17:11,421 --> 00:17:15,643
♪
512
00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:17,688
[Lesley]
Lissa, where is my purse?
513
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:18,994
Your purse.
514
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:21,736
Party favor for your mom.
515
00:17:21,866 --> 00:17:23,738
She is so [beep] stiff.
516
00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:25,044
[rock music playing]
517
00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:27,524
Yeah, it's been
a pretty [beep] day.
518
00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:30,223
I'm just glad is over
and we get to hang out.
519
00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:32,529
I'm always here for you, Matty.
520
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,705
Cool.
So, who's this band again?
521
00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:35,880
Morbidly Obtuse.
522
00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,404
They're so good.
523
00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:38,927
They make me want to
light my toenails on fire.
524
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,581
- [laughs]
- Hey.
525
00:17:40,711 --> 00:17:42,322
You want to take a picture
before the show starts?
526
00:17:42,452 --> 00:17:44,324
What for?
It's all in here, buddy.
527
00:17:44,454 --> 00:17:47,414
♪
528
00:17:47,544 --> 00:17:49,024
Edible lotions are low-cal.
529
00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:50,939
This one's watermelon.
530
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:51,940
Fantastic tequila chaser.
531
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,811
Try it.
532
00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:55,683
It's like kissing a unicorn.
533
00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:57,989
- Mm.
- Sweetie, is your mom okay?
534
00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,556
She's been in there
a long time.
535
00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:01,732
Mm-hmm.
Sometimes she naps all day.
536
00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:03,343
[pop music playing]
537
00:18:03,473 --> 00:18:04,083
Oh.
538
00:18:04,213 --> 00:18:05,910
[Lissa gasps]
539
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:07,782
Mommy, you're glowing!
540
00:18:07,912 --> 00:18:11,133
Oh, honey, I had a headache,
so I-I opened my purse
541
00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:12,700
for an ibuprofen and...
[giggles]
542
00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:15,398
I don't even remember
the last 17 minutes.
543
00:18:15,529 --> 00:18:16,965
♪
544
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,706
Thank you, snugglebug.
545
00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:20,186
You were right.
546
00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,797
This was more fun
than Pastor Ned's.
547
00:18:22,927 --> 00:18:25,974
Now, let's scoot home and
pray for these filthy whores.
548
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,541
[buzzing]
549
00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:28,281
[exhales]
550
00:18:28,411 --> 00:18:30,718
- My bad.
[sex toy buzzes]
551
00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:33,851
♪ Hold me baby
552
00:18:33,982 --> 00:18:35,636
[Jenna voice-over]
I had tumbled further down
the rabbit hole
553
00:18:35,766 --> 00:18:37,899
and landed in suckland,
where some people sucked face
554
00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:39,857
and others just...sucked.
555
00:18:39,988 --> 00:18:41,424
Hello, Earth to Janeane?
556
00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:43,644
I think we're supposed
to be making out.
557
00:18:43,774 --> 00:18:44,558
[scoffs]
558
00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:47,038
♪ Baby ba-by give me some
559
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:48,214
[both]
Jenna!
560
00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:51,652
♪ Give me so-oh-oh-oh much
561
00:18:51,782 --> 00:18:53,610
J, you're making us
look bad.
562
00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:56,787
Sitting over there like
a frozen virgin snow princess.
563
00:18:56,918 --> 00:18:59,834
- So depressing.
- That's a college guy.
564
00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:01,531
College.
565
00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:03,490
You have to at least
get your hands dirty.
566
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,318
♪
567
00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:07,668
[Jenna voice-over]
For the first time,
the Julies' words
568
00:19:07,798 --> 00:19:10,149
didn't sound like
nonsensical gibberish.
569
00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:11,628
They were absolutely right.
570
00:19:11,759 --> 00:19:13,195
I did have a reputation to keep.
571
00:19:17,982 --> 00:19:19,375
He'll settle for a handy,
572
00:19:19,506 --> 00:19:20,333
but next level would be
great for everyone.
573
00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:22,770
Just don't embarrass us,
Spaz Face.
574
00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:24,337
[sighs]
575
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:25,251
I won't.
576
00:19:25,381 --> 00:19:28,471
I'm getting an Uber out of here.
577
00:19:28,602 --> 00:19:29,864
And some pizza.
578
00:19:29,994 --> 00:19:31,561
We're ordering pizza?
579
00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:32,649
[sighs]
580
00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:34,260
[upbeat music]
581
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:36,087
Okay, pizza will
be ready in 15.
582
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,481
Luckily I have
these two bridal magazines
583
00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:40,962
that need our attention before
I call the whole thing off.
584
00:19:41,092 --> 00:19:43,094
[Jenna voice-over]
If tonight was what
being popular meant,
585
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,227
then popularity was for losers.
586
00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:46,924
And I wanted nothing to do
with it.
587
00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:48,317
I wanted to be with
my real friends.
588
00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:50,667
Planning my best friend's
fake wedding
589
00:19:50,798 --> 00:19:53,888
or hanging out with the most
unpopular guy I know.
590
00:19:54,018 --> 00:19:54,889
[rock music playing]
591
00:19:55,019 --> 00:19:56,760
[cell phone chimes]
592
00:19:56,891 --> 00:20:03,419
♪
593
00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:06,422
Hey, man, turn off your phone
and rock out!
594
00:20:06,553 --> 00:20:12,907
♪
595
00:20:13,037 --> 00:20:16,258
Man, you are
Matty [beep] McKibben!
596
00:20:16,389 --> 00:20:19,609
♪
597
00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:22,264
[Jenna voice-over]
I'd climbed to populadder,
and from up here...
598
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:23,483
[cell phone chimes]
- I could see that popularity
599
00:20:23,613 --> 00:20:25,136
was built on the way
things looked,
600
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:26,834
not the way things were.
601
00:20:26,964 --> 00:20:28,705
And here I was, at the top,
602
00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:30,359
eating pizza with my BFF
603
00:20:30,490 --> 00:20:32,056
and taking my best selfie
of the day.
604
00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:33,884
T, let's take a selfie.
605
00:20:34,015 --> 00:20:34,972
Smile or not smile?
606
00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:36,931
Definitely smiling.
607
00:20:37,061 --> 00:20:39,716
[poignant music]
608
00:20:39,847 --> 00:20:41,109
[camera shutter clicks]
42083
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