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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,110 - PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD... 2 00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:10,411 - THE GUYS KEEP A "HOT OR NOT" LIST. 3 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,680 - YOU CODED ME? - I MADE A DUDE DATABASE. 4 00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:15,283 I'M GONNA HATE-RATE THE [bleep] OUT OF THESE JOCK-OFFS. 5 00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:18,386 - I GUESS YOU'RE NOT 100% DOUCHEBAG AFTER ALL. 6 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,589 - FIRST TIME? 7 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,759 - NOW THAT I HAD FINALLY LET OWEN DOWN EASY 8 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,561 AND MADE UP WITH MATTY AFTER HIS HEROIC PRO-GIRL STAND 9 00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:29,797 AT THE BONFIRE, MY GUY SLATE WAS CLEAR. 10 00:00:29,897 --> 00:00:31,565 SO THIS MORNING, TAMARA AND I COULD LOG 11 00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:34,202 SOME WELL-DESERVED QUALITY TIME OVER HOT CHOCOLATES. 12 00:00:34,302 --> 00:00:37,071 [cell phone alert chiming] 13 00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:39,173 - OH, HI, HAVE YOU BECOME AMISH? 14 00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:41,642 I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU ALL WEEKEND WITH ME-RELATED INTEL 15 00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:44,078 AND I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU HAD ABANDONED ELECTRICITY. 16 00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:45,946 - HOT CHOCOLATE. BE NICE. MY PHONE WAS OFF. 17 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,916 IT WON'T STOP-- [cell phone alerts chiming] 18 00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:50,751 - TAGS FOR MATTY-- 19 00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:54,422 #MAGICMATTY, #BLACKIRISHLICORICE. 20 00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:56,524 IT'S A SEVERE Y CHROMOSOME HASHTAG-A-PALOOZA. 21 00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:59,160 THE DUDE DATABASE HAS NOW GONE FULL-ON VIRAL. 22 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:03,764 - HOW IS EVERY OTHER GIRL AT PHHS POSTING TO IT LIKE CRAZY? 23 00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,766 - OKAY. I MAY HAVE SHOWED A FEW GIRLS 24 00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:07,601 WHILE HATE-RATING AT THE BONFIRE. 25 00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:08,802 DO YOU LIKE THIS NEW PEACH LIP GLOSS? 26 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,471 IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE TOO SHINY. - T. 27 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:11,472 [cell phone alerts chime] 28 00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,142 - #2INCHRICH? YIKES. 29 00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:15,609 - THIS IS GONNA REALLY PISS SOME PEOPLE OFF. 30 00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:16,744 WE SHOULD JUST DELETE IT. 31 00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:18,446 - IT'LL PLAY ITSELF OUT. 32 00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:19,647 NOW, PREPARE TO BE SHOCKED 33 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,182 AS I REVEAL MY HOOKUP WITH-- 34 00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:24,051 OH. EM. GEE. [clowd clamoring] 35 00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:27,054 [rock music] 36 00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:30,624 * 37 00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:33,894 - A PUPPY DOG? A PUPPY DOG, REALLY? 38 00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:36,364 - THESE BOYS WOULDN'T LAST ONE BAD DUBSTEP REMIX 39 00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:38,166 OF GAY BAR JUDGMENT. 40 00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:41,235 - UGH, DUBSTEP. JUST LOST MY SEMI. 41 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:45,573 - UNWRAP THAT PACKAGE, MAGIC MATTY! 42 00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:48,209 - OKAY, NOW I REALLY GET HOW YOU FELT ABOUT THE PHONEBOOK. 43 00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:49,310 DID YOU DO THIS? 44 00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:51,579 - #FABABS? 45 00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:52,946 I'D LIKE TO THINK I'M MORE CREATIVE THAN THAT. 46 00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:56,884 - ISN'T IT BRILLZ! JUST TOTAL DRAMA. 47 00:01:56,984 --> 00:01:58,752 - WE GOT THIS DIRTY DEEDS DATABASE 48 00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,754 AND FORWARDED INVITES TO EVERYONE. 49 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:02,055 - LET THE HOT GUYS KNOW THEY'RE HOT 50 00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:04,258 AND THE NOT GUYS KNOW TO GIVE UP. 51 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:07,195 - SO NO ONE HAS ANY IDEA WHERE THIS DATABASE COME FROM? 52 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:08,796 - SOME IDIOT SAVANT FRESHMAN? 53 00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:11,899 - IDIOT? THOSE BITCHES. 54 00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:13,334 THAT DATABASE IS WELL-BUILT. 55 00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:14,735 THE INTEGRATION OF THE FACEBOOK PHOTOS ALONE-- 56 00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,404 - STOP DEFENDING IT! 57 00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:18,439 WHOA! 58 00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,941 OKAY, THIS HAS GONE OFF THE RAILS. 59 00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,610 WHAT IF IT COMES BACK AROUND TO ME? 60 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:25,112 - FOCUS ON MY SHINY PEACH LIPS. NO ONE KNOWS IT WAS US. 61 00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:28,081 - JENNA HAMILTON TO MS. MARKS' OFFICE NOW. 62 00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:29,417 IMMEDIATELY NOW. 63 00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:31,719 - WELL, NO ONE KNOWS IT WAS ME. 64 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,721 [cell phone alert chimes] 65 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,659 - WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS DUDE DATABASE 66 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:39,827 FOR RANKING SENIOR BOYS? 67 00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:42,129 J., WHO'S INVOLVED? 68 00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:44,232 ANY FACULTY? 69 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:47,301 THE HEADPHONES ARE FOR YOUR PRIVACY. 70 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:50,838 YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I'M LIKE, "WHOA, #UPINMYGRILL," 71 00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:53,274 BUT THEN I GET ALL #MASCOTHEADHORNY AND-- 72 00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:58,111 - VAL, THE HEADPHONES DON'T REALLY WORK. 73 00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:01,249 - I NEED GUIDANCE! - OH, RIGHT. 74 00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:03,317 #2INCHRICH. 75 00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,353 - 2 1/2! 76 00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:06,487 - I'M GONNA GO. 77 00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:09,357 - THANK YOU! - OH. 78 00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:12,326 SORRY. 79 00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:13,961 [cell phone alerts chiming] 80 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:15,929 - THIS HASHTAG STUFF REALLY SUCKS. 81 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,765 - OW! - OH, YEAH. 82 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,500 YOUR REP AS A SEX MACHINE IS SO HARD. 83 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,068 - OW! - NICE GUYS FINISH LAST. 84 00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:23,271 - THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE YOU LET THE GIRLS FINISH FIRST, 85 00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:24,905 #SOPOLITEINBED. 86 00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,908 - SINCE WHEN IS BEING A GENEROUS LOVER A BAD THING? 87 00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:30,944 - HEY, NOT-SO-NAUGHTY-ROSATI! - [scoffs] 88 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,546 - OH! 89 00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,014 NO, HE'S--HE'S JUST UPSET ABOUT 90 00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:36,350 HIS ADORABLE PUPPY DOG STATUS WITH THE GIRLS. 91 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:39,119 - AH, WELL, THE LADIES OF PHHS HAVE A LOT TO SAY, 92 00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:41,589 DON'T THEY, #MANWHOREMCKIBBEN? 93 00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:42,890 - OKAY, IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT-- 94 00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,458 THAT PEOPLE WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME. 95 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:48,128 I AM ADORABLE. - TRUE, AND MODEST. 96 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:50,731 I'M SURE YOUR IDEA OF HANGING OUT WITH ALL THESE GIRLS 97 00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,400 IS GOOD, CLEAN FUN. 98 00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:53,967 HOLDING HANDS, 99 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,504 MILK SHAKES WITH TWO STRAWS, THAT KIND OF THING? 100 00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:58,672 - COME ON, YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE I'M SOME SORT OF PLAYER. 101 00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:00,774 - OKAY. WELL, HOW MANY ACTUAL DATES 102 00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,109 HAVE YOU TAKEN ANY OF THESE GIRLS ON? 103 00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:03,777 - I DATE! 104 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:05,479 IN--IN FACT, 105 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:08,181 I WAS JUST ABOUT TO TELL YOU 106 00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:11,184 ABOUT THIS DATE I HAD PLANNED FOR US. 107 00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:14,455 AND WHAT COULD BE CLEANER FUN THAN... 108 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:15,689 MINI GOLF? 109 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,725 - OKAY, AND HOW LONG INTO THE DATE 110 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,693 BEFORE YOU TRY TO SINK A HOLE IN ONE? 111 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,329 - IF THIS DATE WAS ABOUT MAKING A MOVE, 112 00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:24,598 WOULD I HAVE INVITED OTHER PEOPLE? 113 00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,233 IT'S A DOUBLE DATE. 114 00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:27,935 - YOU'RE JUST MAKING THIS UP RIGHT NOW, AREN'T YOU? 115 00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:30,704 - NO WAY! - NO WAY, MCKIBBEN. 116 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,407 - SADIE, DO THIS FOR ME. I REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL. 117 00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:36,344 - IF YOU HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE ALL HARMLESS TO WIN HER OVER, 118 00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:38,612 THEN CLEARLY, YOU'VE PICKED THE WRONG GIRL. 119 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,348 AGAIN! - I'LL PAY YOUR WAY. 120 00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:42,249 - YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR SERGIO, TOO. 121 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,352 - DONE! THANK YOU. 122 00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:49,557 - SINCE YOU'RE HOMOSEXUAL SINNERS 123 00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:51,425 AND SEEM COOL WITH THE WHOLE "GOING TO HELL" THING, 124 00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:54,762 CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? 125 00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,897 - PLEASE DO. 126 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,699 - I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF GOING TO HEAVEN ONE DAY 127 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,601 AND SPENDING ETERNITY WITH MY FAMILY. 128 00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:04,372 BUT NOW MY DAD CAN'T GO AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO HIM. 129 00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:06,374 - SWEET TITS, YOU GOT SOME BAD INFO. 130 00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:07,775 YOUR DAD'S NOT GOING TO HELL. 131 00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,077 HE'S GOING TO GAY HEAVEN. 132 00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:12,480 - GAY HEAVEN IS A NONSTOP ARTISAN COCKTAIL MIXER 133 00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:14,615 COURTESY OF THE SCISSOR SISTERS AND HEATHERETTE. 134 00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,717 - IT MAKES STRAIGHT HEAVEN LOOK LIKE A BUSTED CLEARANCE SALE 135 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,251 AT T.J. MAXX. 136 00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:20,521 THAT'S WHERE YOU'LL BE, LISSA. STRAIGHT HEAVEN. 137 00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:22,956 GET READY FOR BOXED WHITE ZIN AND AN ENDLESS LOOP 138 00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:25,192 OF EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND RERUNS. 139 00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:26,860 - WHAT? 140 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,030 THERE ARE TOO MANY HEAVENS TO KEEP STRAIGHT! 141 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:33,233 - IT'S LIKE KIERKEGAARD HUMPED A LOAF OF WONDER BREAD 142 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:35,403 AND MADE A BABY. 143 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:38,205 - EVEN THOUGH VAL WAS MERCIFULLY CLUELESS ABOUT THE DATABASE, 144 00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:39,840 I DIDN'T KNOW IF TAMARA AND I WOULD STAY ANONYMOUS. 145 00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,274 [cell phone alert chiming] 146 00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:43,677 AND FRANKLY, DUDES WERE THE LAST THING ON MY MIND. 147 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,446 - HEY, JENNA! - HEY, OWEN! 148 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,314 - YOU KNOW, AFTER HOW THINGS WENT DOWN, 149 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:50,183 IT'S--IT'S COOL YOU STILL PUT ME ON THE DUDE DATABASE. 150 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,986 YOU KNOW, #SECRETHOTTIEWITHABODY. 151 00:05:56,323 --> 00:06:00,428 - DID OWEN JUST KISS YOUR CHEEK? - WHAT? NO. 152 00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:01,862 I MEAN, YES. 153 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:05,298 - ARE YOU GUYS FRIENDS NOW? WHY THE RANDOM FANDOM? 154 00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:09,002 - OKAY. OWEN WAS THE GUY I HOOKED UP WITH AT NEW YEAR'S 155 00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:12,540 AND, LIKE, ONCE AFTERWARDS. - WAIT. WHAT? 156 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,442 - LOOK, I FEEL SUPER WEIRD ABOUT NOT TELLING YOU. 157 00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,276 I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE WAS A SOPHOMORE. 158 00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:18,446 AND THEN I KIND OF TOOK HIS "V" CARD. 159 00:06:18,546 --> 00:06:20,648 AND NOW HE THINKS I HASHTAGGED HIM, BUT I DIDN'T. 160 00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:22,215 SO IT MUST BE SOMEONE PLAYING A JOKE-- 161 00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:23,784 - SPOILER ALERT, JENNA. 162 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,819 I WROTE THAT OWEN HASHTAG... 163 00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,155 AFTER WE HOOKED UP! 164 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,129 - OKAY, YOU CANNOT WALK AWAY. 165 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,031 THIS IS NOT BAD ENOUGH FOR A WALKAWAY MOMENT. 166 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,468 - OMG, THAT'S SO FUNNY BECAUSE... 167 00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:48,509 THE GUY WHO SITS THERE HAS MONO. 168 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,478 - I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU LIKED OWEN! 169 00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:52,045 - WELL, I TRIED TO TELL YOU THIS MORNING. 170 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,046 YOU TRIED TO TELL ME... 171 00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,548 OH, YEAH. NEVER. 172 00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,283 - IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A ONETIME THING! 173 00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:57,685 HE'S JUST NOT LIKE THE GUYS I NORMALLY DATE SO-- 174 00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:00,721 - SO HE'S NOT A JOCK-DU-JOUR OR A DRUG PUSHER 175 00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:04,124 OR SOME HOT COLLEGE GUY YOU ABANDONED ON A MOUNTAIN? 176 00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:05,726 - WELL, THAT WAS FACE-STABBINGLY THOROUGH. 177 00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:08,529 LOOKIT, T., OWEN IS GREAT, JUST NOT FOR ME. 178 00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,030 I AM HAPPY FOR YOU. - OH! 179 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,732 SO HE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, 180 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,801 BUT HE IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME? [clapping] 181 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:16,570 - MESDEMOISELLES... [speaking French] 182 00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,972 - WHAT DID SHE SAY? - SHE SAID, "GET OUT." 183 00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:21,875 - TAMARA AND I WERE CLEARLY SPEAKING A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE. 184 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:25,312 AND I NEEDED TO FIND ONE PARTICULAR TRANSLATOR. 185 00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:29,116 - OH. - PRETTY LOW, OWEN. 186 00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:30,518 HOOKING UP WITH TAMARA, 187 00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:32,720 AND THEN PRETENDING TO BE ALL SWEET WITH ME? 188 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:36,056 - WAIT, WHAT? I MEAN, I THINK TAMARA'S RAD. 189 00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:37,825 - YEAH, I THINK SHE'S RAD, TOO. 190 00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:40,928 WHICH IS WHY I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU USE HER TO GET BACK AT ME. 191 00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:42,896 - WAIT, BUT YOU TOLD ME TO GO AFTER SOMEONE AMAZING. 192 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,365 OF COURSE I'M GONNA GO AFTER TAMARA. 193 00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:47,535 - BECAUSE YOU LIKE HER, OR BECAUSE YOU WANT TO HURT ME? 194 00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:51,539 TAMARA IS MY BEST FRIEND, AND NOW SHE'S HURT. 195 00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:54,575 SO IF THAT MATTERS TO YOU, THEN YOU'LL STAY AWAY FROM HER. 196 00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:57,845 - [sighs] 197 00:07:57,945 --> 00:07:59,713 - ANY CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE 198 00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,949 HAVING TO DO WITH THE HASHTAGGING OF BOYS 199 00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:04,151 WILL BE HANDLED FORMER SOVIET BLOCK STYLE. 200 00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:07,354 - A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE STILL SALTY BECAUSE OF THE DATABASE. 201 00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:09,256 TAMARA AND I WEREN'T EXACTLY SWEET. 202 00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:11,158 MAYBE SHE WAS RIGHT TO BE MAD AT ME. 203 00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,426 BUT SHE WASN'T RIGHT ABOUT IT ALL BLOWING OVER. 204 00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:15,563 NOT EVEN CLOSE. 205 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,364 - YOU ASKED FOR IT, COMRADES. [screaming] 206 00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:19,867 THE HOSE IT IS. 207 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,636 - SO THERE'S CHRISTIAN HEAVEN, MUSLIM HEAVEN, 208 00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:23,871 GAY HEAVEN, STRAIGHT HEAVEN, 209 00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:26,574 DO BISEXUALS GO BACK AND FORTH? - UGH! 210 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:29,577 SHUT UP. NONE OF THOSE EVEN EXIST. 211 00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:32,379 - YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN ANY OF IT? 212 00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:34,582 - IF YOU EVER TELL ANYONE THIS, 213 00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:36,584 I WILL GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES WITH MY THUMBS. 214 00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:39,620 BUT I BELIEVE IN LOVE 215 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,623 AND NOT SAYING SOMEONE IS GOING TO HELL FOR BEING GAY. 216 00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:44,725 BECAUSE WHOEVER SAYS THAT IS AN [bleep]. 217 00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:47,661 - GOD SAYS THAT! - YOUR HANDSY MOM 218 00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:50,030 AND NEWLY-MINTED GAY DAD SAY GOD SAYS THAT. 219 00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,899 NOT SURE THOSE HYPOCRITES SPEAK FOR HIM. 220 00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:53,767 [cell phone alert chimes] - THIS THING WON'T SHUT UP. 221 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:58,205 IT'S RUINING MY CHARDONNAY AND MELATONIN-FLAVORED ME TIME. 222 00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:00,073 - SERGIO'S CAR STALLED. 223 00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,643 I'M GONNA GO TAKE THIS BOOZE BAG'S BENZ 224 00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:04,311 AND PICK HIM UP FOR THIS LAME DATE. 225 00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:06,446 - I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE. 226 00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:08,949 - NO, I TOTALLY KNOW THAT. 227 00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,188 - WHO ARE YOU? 228 00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:16,990 - I'M LISSA. 229 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,760 YOU'VE MET ME, LIKE, SO MANY TIMES. 230 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:22,663 - YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED A DRINK. 231 00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:24,197 - I THINK I NEED SOME ADVICE. 232 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:26,499 - FROM ME? 233 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:29,402 YOU NEED ADVICE FROM ME? 234 00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:31,138 - TAMARA FOUND OUT I NEVER TOLD HER 235 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,640 ABOUT HOOKING UP WITH THIS GUY THAT SHE LIKES, 236 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:33,841 SO I SAID THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE HIM 237 00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,375 AND THEN SHE FLIPPED OUT ON ME. 238 00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:37,277 - OUCH. - WELL, I TOLD HER THE TRUTH. 239 00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,512 - YOU ALSO TOLD HER THAT SHE COULD HAVE THE GUY 240 00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:41,548 YOU WERE DONE WITH. OKAY, QUICK STORY. 241 00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:42,716 WHEN YOUR FATHER AND I WERE DATING, 242 00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:44,685 WE BROKE UP SEVERAL TIMES, 243 00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:47,554 BUT THE MAKEUP SEX WAS ALWAYS SO-- 244 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:49,056 - MOM. - ANYWAY, 245 00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:51,091 TO TEACH HIM A LESSON DURING ONE OF THE BREAKUPS, 246 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,960 I WENT OUT WITH HIS FRIEND, PAUL. 247 00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:55,896 WHEN WE GOT BACK TOGETHER, I TOLD HIM I HUNG OUT WITH PAUL. 248 00:09:55,996 --> 00:10:00,634 I DID NOT TELL HIM THAT PAUL TRIED TO GO ALL THE WAY. 249 00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:00,668 I DID NOT TELL HIM THAT PAUL TRIED TO GO ALL THE WAY. - SO I SHOULD HAVE TOLD TAMARA ABOUT OWEN, 250 00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,569 - SO I SHOULD HAVE TOLD TAMARA ABOUT OWEN, 251 00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:03,904 JUST NOT THE DETAILS? 252 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:06,539 - SOMETIMES YOU TELL JUST ENOUGH OF THE TRUTH 253 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,008 TO SPARE PEOPLE THE HURT. 254 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:11,311 - HMM, THAT STORY WAS ACTUALLY REALLY RELEVANT. 255 00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,480 THANKS, MOM. - HMM. 256 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,182 - WAIT, WAS ANY OF THAT EVEN TRUE? 257 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:18,551 - OH, HONEY, YOU FEEL BETTER. DOES IT REALLY MATTER? 258 00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:23,724 - GABBY, IF YOU DROP MATTY NOW, NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW 259 00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:26,694 WE WERE AT THIS ASTROTURF KIDDIE DUMPING GROUND. 260 00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:30,030 - JUST NO ONE INSTAGRAM ANYTHING. 261 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,465 HEY, MAYBE WE SHOULD SPLIT UP INTO TEAMS. 262 00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:34,601 LITTLE FRIENDLY COMPETITION? 263 00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:36,870 - THAT'S KIND OF UNFAIR, DON'T YOU THINK? 264 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,272 I MEAN, WE'RE BOTH ATHLETES AND THEY'RE... 265 00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:41,041 - FINISH THAT THOUGHT, MIJO. 266 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,610 - OH, NO. IT'S NOW MY NEW MISSION IN LIFE 267 00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:46,747 TO DESTROY YOU AT MINI GOLF. 268 00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:54,021 [knock at door] 269 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,791 - EVENIN', MA'AM. 270 00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,292 I'M HERE TO CHECK OUT YOUR PLUMBING. 271 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,061 - JAKE, ARE YOU... 272 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,296 OH, GOD, IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE SEXY OR SOMETHING? 273 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,432 - WELL, MY CUSTOMERS USUALLY AREN'T THIS FORWARD, 274 00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:07,868 BUT IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR, I'M GOOD TO GO. 275 00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:10,170 - OKAY, STOP SAYING THINGS AND COME INSIDE. 276 00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:13,473 - I'M JUST TRYING TO GIVE YOU A TASTE OF THE BAD BOY. 277 00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:14,541 - OKAY? 278 00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:16,209 BUT YOU'RE NOT A BAD BOY. 279 00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:19,479 - UGH, NOT EVEN HERE? I CAN'T WIN. 280 00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:20,848 NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY, 281 00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:22,215 WHETHER I'M THE CLEAN-CUT CLASS PRESIDENT 282 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:26,086 OR A SERIOUS MUSICIAN OR A STUDLY PLUMBER, 283 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,956 I JUST KEEP GETTING THE CUTESY BULL[bleep] 284 00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:33,660 LIKE #PUPPYLOVE OR #TAKEHOMETOMOMMY. 285 00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,295 I WANT TO BE #HITITANDQUITIT. 286 00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:38,631 - AW, YOU'RE JUST NOT DOUCHEY ENOUGH FOR THAT, 287 00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:40,567 WHICH IS A GOOD THING. 288 00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:43,503 BECAUSE WHEN YOU LEARN TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH WHO YOU ARE, 289 00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:45,072 IT WON'T MATTER 290 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:47,140 IF YOU'RE WEARING A VARSITY JACKET OR A GUITAR 291 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,978 OR A PLUMBER'S OUTFIT YOU SAW IN A BAD '80s PORN. 292 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,783 - ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO CHECK YOUR PIPES 293 00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:59,686 BEFORE I BURN THIS RIDICULOUS GETUP? 294 00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:09,797 - AH, SCREW IT, A QUICK SNAKING COULDN'T HURT. 295 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,068 - OH! NICE. 296 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:16,870 - IT'S ALL IN THE WRIST. 297 00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:19,039 OKAY, JUST LIKE HERE. 298 00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:22,042 - OH, MY, COACH. HANDS. 299 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:25,312 - FOCUS, MCKIBBEN. - GOT IT. 300 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,080 HOLE IN ONE. 301 00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:30,350 - YEAH! - [sighs] 302 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,119 - ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE UP, SERGIO. 303 00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:34,721 MISS THIS, AND I WILL RIP OFF YOUR [bleep]! 304 00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:37,324 - THAT ONLY HURTS YOU, BABE. 305 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:40,227 - [coughs] 306 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,063 - HA! HUH? - MM-HMM. 307 00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,836 - HMM? 308 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,537 - ALL RIGHT. OKAY, OKAY. 309 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:53,440 I ADMIT, I AM THE WORST MINI GOLFER HERE. 310 00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,909 BUT HOW ABOUT THIS-- I MAKE THIS HERE PUTT, 311 00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:58,078 AND YOU KISS ME TONIGHT? 312 00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:00,147 - IF YOU MAKE THIS PUTT, I'LL DIE OF SHOCK, 313 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:02,249 SO YOU'LL BE KISSING A CORPSE. 314 00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:05,118 - OH, I WILL TAKE THAT AS A YES. 315 00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:11,458 OH! - OH! WHOA! NICE! 316 00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,326 YEAH! - NO! 317 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:16,296 - SO WHEN A HOOKUP IS ON THE LINE, SUDDENLY YOU CAN PLAY? 318 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,665 - WELL, IT'S A CLASSIC WAY TO STEP UP THE GAME. 319 00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:22,936 - I THINK "GAME" IS THE OPERATIVE WORD HERE, PLAYER. 320 00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,139 - OKAY. 321 00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,575 WHAT DID I DO? - DON'T FEEL BAD. 322 00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:31,778 MAYBE MINI GOLF JUST ISN'T AN ATHLETE'S GAME. 323 00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,513 - [laughs] 324 00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:39,219 - WHEN I DON'T ANSWER MY PHONE, 325 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,321 IT'S 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. 326 00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,090 - JUST WAIT. 327 00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,524 I WAS A JERK ABOUT THE OWEN SITUATION 328 00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:47,227 AND DEFINITELY SAID SOME WRONG THINGS. 329 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,528 - GO ON. 330 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,330 - I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT OWEN SOONER. 331 00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,265 I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT THE VIRGINITY THING 332 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:53,366 OR SAID THAT HE WAS HUNG UP ON ME, 333 00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,002 WHICH CLEARLY ISN'T THE CASE, 334 00:13:55,102 --> 00:13:56,436 SINCE HE IMMEDIATELY WENT AND HOOKED UP WITH YOU. 335 00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:57,905 I MADE IT ALL ABOUT ME. 336 00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:01,108 - BECAUSE YOU THINK THE WHOLE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND YOU. 337 00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:02,976 - OKAY, JEEZ, I AM TRYING TO APOLOGIZE. 338 00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:05,345 - APOLOGY DECLINED. HI, OWEN. 339 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:06,914 - OWEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 340 00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:08,648 - UH, DRINKING JUICE. 341 00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:11,384 - I INVITED HIM. OH, AND HE TOLD ME WHAT YOU SAID, 342 00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:14,154 ABOUT HOW YOU THINK HE'S USING ME TO HURT YOU! 343 00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:15,622 AGAIN, IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! 344 00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:17,324 - OWEN, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TOLD HER THAT. 345 00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,927 - I WAS YELLING AT HIM FOR NOT TELLING ME ABOUT YOU 346 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,494 IN THE FIRST PLACE, 347 00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:23,931 AND HE TERROR-SPILLED IT OUT OF FEAR FOR HIS YOUNG LIFE. 348 00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:25,465 SO TURN YOUR OUTRAGE BACK OVER HERE. 349 00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:28,201 - TAMARA, CHILL. I AM TRYING TO MAKE THINGS BETTER. 350 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,502 - BY KEEPING MORE SECRETS? 351 00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:32,272 BY ASSUMING OWEN WOULDN'T WANT ME FOR ME? 352 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,407 YOU STILL DON'T GET IT. IT'S NOT EVEN ABOUT OWEN. 353 00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:36,944 - IT'S NOT? - OWEN, BE QUIET. 354 00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,678 JENNA, THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU AND ME. 355 00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,080 - YOU AND ME? 356 00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:42,215 - ACTUALLY, IT'S MOSTLY JUST ABOUT YOU. 357 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,751 WE'RE HAVING JUICE NOW. 'KAY, THANKS, BYE! 358 00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:49,957 - DON'T GET IN THE BACKSEAT, GABBY. 359 00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,591 HIS PUTTER DOESN'T WORK RIGHT! 360 00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:54,127 - YEAH, NOT EXACTLY GOOD WINNERS, HUH? 361 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,996 WELL, THEN AGAIN, 362 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:59,366 YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY THE--THE BEST LOSER I'VE EVER SEEN EITHER. 363 00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:02,802 - BEING COMPETITIVE GOT ME A FULL RIDE TO STANFORD. 364 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,337 - OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I-I GIVE UP. 365 00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:05,738 SO, ACTUALLY, YOU WIN. 366 00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:08,976 - MAYBE THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, MCKIBBEN. 367 00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:12,179 THINGS COME SO EASY TO YOU, YOU CAN'T HANDLE A CHALLENGE. 368 00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:14,314 - YOU DON'T KNOW ME. 369 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,516 THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE HAVE INTERACTED, 370 00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,986 YET YOU SEEM TO BE AN EXPERT ON--ON WHO I AM? 371 00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:23,190 - I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN TRYING WAY TOO HARD 372 00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:24,391 TO CONVINCE ME YOU'RE A GOOD GUY. 373 00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:25,592 - DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT 374 00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,860 IT MIGHT BE BECAUSE I LIKE YOU? 375 00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:29,696 IF YOU'RE SO UP FOR CHALLENGES, GABBY, 376 00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:31,864 WHY DON'T YOU CHALLENGE YOURSELF? 377 00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:34,401 GET TO KNOW ME, INSTEAD OF DOING THE EASY THING 378 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:35,902 AND--AND ICING ME OUT BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE 379 00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:38,071 A BUNCH OF STUPID HASHTAGS AND RUMORS. 380 00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:40,673 YOU SEEM BETTER THAN THAT. 381 00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:45,412 ANY OF THIS GETTING THROUGH? 382 00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:48,715 SCORE! 383 00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:50,117 I'M KIDDING. 384 00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:51,884 - YOU KNOW THAT WHOLE "YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT" THING 385 00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:53,453 IS THE ONLY THING THAT'S GETTING TO ME, RIGHT? 386 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:56,723 - YEAH. WHY DO YOU THINK I SAVED IT FOR LAST? 387 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,462 - THE MORE I TRIED TO DO THE RIGHT THING, 388 00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:05,032 THE WORSE THINGS GOT. [cell phone alert chiming] 389 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:07,067 TAMARA AND I WEREN'T THE ONLY ONES HAVING FRICTION. 390 00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:10,037 THE DUDE DATABASE WAS RUBBING EVERYONE THE WRONG WAY. 391 00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:13,640 NICE TO SEE A FRIENDLY FACE. 392 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,475 - ABSOLUTELY. THE FRIENDLIEST FACE. 393 00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:18,078 THESE LADIES HAVE NO [bleep] IDEA. 394 00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:19,679 - OKAY? 395 00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:22,315 - STOP! DEAD IN YOUR TRACKS. ATTENTION, SENIORS. 396 00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:26,419 DO YOU FIND YOURSELF FRIENDLESS AND ALIENATED FROM EVERYONE? 397 00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:27,920 COME TO THE CLUB ROOM IN FIVE MINUTES 398 00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:31,958 TO FIND OUT HOW TO STOP BEING AWFUL PEOPLE. 399 00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:33,126 MANDATORY! 400 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:36,463 THERE IS A LOT OF HATE IN HERE. AND I GET IT. 401 00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:38,065 I CAN SEE WHY SOME OF YOU HATE EACH OTHER. 402 00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:39,799 I HATE SOME OF YOU, TOO. 403 00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:41,801 I MEAN, SOMETIMES WHEN YOU COME INTO MY OFFICE 404 00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:44,471 WITH YOUR WHINING, I WANT TO KILL MYSELF. 405 00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:48,441 BUT WELCOME TO VAL'S "UR THE CHANGE"! 406 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:51,911 THE "YOU'RE" IS SPELLED U-R. 407 00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:56,083 LET'S GET ALL THAT HATE OUT IN THE OPEN. GO! 408 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,451 - I COULD GO FIRST, VAL. 409 00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:01,188 - OH, WHAT A GOOD ATTITUDE, SADIE. 410 00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:02,422 DON'T EDIT YOURSELF. 411 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,091 WE CAN ALL TAKE IT, RIGHT, EVERYONE? 412 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:07,294 HUH? 413 00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:09,096 - I HATE... 414 00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,931 THIS LAME EXERCISE YOU'RE FORCING ON US. 415 00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:15,102 YOU'RE A FAKE TEACHER AND SHOULD BE FIRED AGAIN 416 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:18,371 OR THROWN IN JAIL FOR GROSS NEGLIGENCE. 417 00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:21,308 DO US ALL A FAVOR AND SELF-DEPORT 418 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:22,975 TO WHATEVER NOWHERE COUNTRY 419 00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:26,613 GAVE YOU YOUR 3-EASY-STEPS ONLINE DEGREE IN COUNSELING 420 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:29,015 AND DEMAND A REFUND. 421 00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:30,350 YOU'RE WELCOME. 422 00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:34,754 WOW! I DO FEEL BETTER. 423 00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:38,691 - NEXT! 424 00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:41,928 - I HATE THAT ALL YOU MOST BASE LEVEL OF BASIC BITCHES 425 00:17:42,028 --> 00:17:44,731 NEED INFANTILE BONDING EXERCISES TO PROCESS YOUR [bleep]. 426 00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:47,267 GROW A PAIR. - PREACH! 427 00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:51,204 - I HATE THAT--THAT-- 428 00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:53,773 THAT GOD IS AN [bleep]! 429 00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,011 - ISN'T GOD THE WORST? 430 00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:03,516 - I HATE THAT GUMMY WORMS WON'T TELL ME THEIR SECRETS. 431 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:04,684 NO FACES. 432 00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:06,819 - I HATE THIS. IT'S WEIRD. 433 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:09,656 AND, WELL, I'D RATHER BE DOING ANYTHING ELSE. 434 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:13,326 - EXCEPT MAYBE PLAYING MINI GOLF? 435 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,327 [snorts] 436 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,596 - I DON'T HATE ANYTHING. 437 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:20,500 I GUESS I'M JUST A NICE GUY THAT WAY. 438 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,535 - I HATE WHEN MY BEST FRIEND 439 00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,204 DOESN'T TELL ME HUGE THINGS IN HER LIFE, 440 00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:27,507 AND THEN THROWS ME HER SLOPPY SECONDS LIKE IT'S A FAVOR. 441 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,176 - AND I HATE WHEN YOU CAN'T SEE 442 00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,910 THAT I AM SINCERELY TRYING TO HELP! 443 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,545 - I HATE THAT YOU CAN'T SEE 444 00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,181 THAT I'M NOT ALWAYS SECOND BEST! 445 00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:36,416 - I HATE THAT YOU THINK YOU'RE SECOND BEST. 446 00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:37,750 I MEAN, YOU'RE SO ORGANIZED, 447 00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,452 AND--AND YOU HAVE YOUR [bleep] TOGETHER, 448 00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,588 AND YOU DON'T EXIST IN THIS CONSTANT STATE OF TEEN ANGST. 449 00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:44,023 - WELL, I HATE THAT YOU DON'T SEE 450 00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:45,825 THAT YOU'RE THE KIND OF RELAXED COOL 451 00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:48,661 THAT I WILL NEVER RELAX ENOUGH TO BE. 452 00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:50,630 ALL THE GUYS FLOCK TO YOU AND... 453 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:53,233 [scoffs] I'M JEALOUS. 454 00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:56,303 - T., YOU'RE GORGEOUS. YOU GOT INTO COLLEGE. 455 00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:58,338 YOU'RE ABOUT TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR FUTURE. 456 00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:01,241 YOU'RE AMAZING. - THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT. 457 00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:04,244 WAS THAT SO HARD? YOU'RE AMAZING, TOO. 458 00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:07,880 - YOU KNOW WHAT, CLEARLY, THIS ISN'T WORKING. 459 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,850 I'M GUESSING IT'S YOUR FAULT. 460 00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,019 I'M JUST GONNA THROW IN THE PUBERTY VIDEO 461 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,222 AND PRETEND LIKE THIS NEVER HAPPENED. 462 00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:22,662 - AFTER TAMARA AND I VERY PUBLICLY CLEARED THE AIR, 463 00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,231 WE STILL NEEDED TO ANONYMOUSLY ATONE 464 00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:26,866 FOR OUR ANONYMOUS DUDE DATABASE DRAMA. 465 00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:28,301 SO WE DECIDED TO ADD POSITIVE HASHTAGS 466 00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:30,737 TO LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD. - WHAT ABOUT KYLE? 467 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:34,006 HE'S A TOUGH ONE. - #EMOSTUD? 468 00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:38,044 OH, #SECRETTIGERINBED! 469 00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:41,248 [cell phone alerts chiming] 470 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,723 - OWEN! HEY, COME HERE FOR A SEC. 471 00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:52,859 - JENNA, TAMARA, 472 00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:55,127 LOOKS LIKE YOU GUYS ARE GETTING ALONG. 473 00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:56,563 - YOU STEPPED INTO SOME HEAVY DRAMA 474 00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:59,299 THAT WAS NOT OF YOUR MAKING, AND WE'RE SORRY. 475 00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:02,535 I JUST HOPE THIS DIDN'T FULLY SCAR YOU OR ANYTHING. 476 00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:06,306 - ARE YOU KIDDING? TWO SENIOR GIRLS IN TWO WEEKS. 477 00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:09,409 I'M BASICALLY A LEGEND. I MEAN, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. 478 00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:13,913 - UGH. HE'S SO #ADORABLYGOOFY. 479 00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,115 IS IT TRAGIC THAT I STILL WANT SOME? 480 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,451 - YES! - J.K., I'M DONE. 481 00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:21,554 - HEY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID WE COULDN'T DELETE 482 00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:22,822 THIS STUPID DATABASE? 483 00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,624 - JENNA, PLEASE. YOU CAN'T DELETE IT. 484 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,293 - TOO LATE, I ALREADY DID. 485 00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:28,461 - NO! JENNA, I DIDN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T DELETE IT! 486 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,530 I MEAN DON'T [bleep] DELETE IT! 487 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:33,333 [cell phone alerts chiming] 488 00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:42,074 - HOLY [bleep]. 489 00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:45,578 - NEXT ON AWKWARD... 490 00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:47,347 - IT'S LIKE A DATING DUST BOWL OUT HERE. 491 00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:48,715 I'M GONNA HAVE TO CANCEL THE VALENTINE'S DANCE! 492 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:49,882 OUCH. 493 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,117 - THE WHOLE SCHOOL WANTS TO KILL ME 494 00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:52,519 AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS "OUCH"? 495 00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:54,186 IT IS YOUR FAULT THAT THE RANKINGS WENT VIRAL, 496 00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:55,888 YET I CONTINUE TO TAKE ALL THE HITS. 497 00:20:55,988 --> 00:20:58,991 I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO SAVE VALENTINE'S DAY BY MYSELF. 498 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:00,627 I RENTED US A PARTY BUS. 499 00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:01,794 [groaning] 500 00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:03,330 HOLLA, PARTY PEOPLE. 37626

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