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1
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,009
- PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD...
2
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,145
- JENNA.
IT'S OWEN.
3
00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:13,381
YOU HAD NO IDEA I WENT HERE,
DID YOU?
4
00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:15,283
- IT'S SERGIO.
HE IS SUCH AN IDIOT.
5
00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:16,550
- OH, MY GOD,
YOU LIKE HIM.
6
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,686
- I DON'T NEED YOU
TO DEFEND ME.
7
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,321
- HEY, GABBY.
IT'S MATTY.
8
00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:21,622
- I KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
MCKIBBEN.
9
00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:26,527
- * I'M NO GOOD *
10
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:27,861
- I'D COME OVER TO APOLOGIZE,
11
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,830
AND I'D ENDED UP SLEEPING
WITH OWEN.
12
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:32,300
I JUST HAD AFTERNOON SEX
WITH A SOPHOMORE WHOSE LAST NAME
13
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:35,669
I COULDN'T REMEMBER, AND I WAS
SURPRISINGLY OKAY WITH IT,
14
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:37,538
BECAUSE I'D HAD FUN.
15
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,474
OKAY, YES.
OWEN WAS IN ORCHESTRA. SO WHAT?
16
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,076
HIS COMPLETE LACK OF EGO
COMBINED
17
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:45,479
WITH HIS SELF-CONFIDENCE WAS,
WELL, SEXY.
18
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:48,482
OH, GOD, WAS THAT CREEPY
TO FIND A SOPHOMORE SEXY?
19
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:52,853
- * BABE, I'M NO GOOD *
20
00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:55,489
- I HAD FUN.
21
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:59,493
EARTH TO OWEN.
22
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,795
- OH, SORRY, WHAT'D YOU SAY?
23
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:04,265
- ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS ZONED IN
WHEN YOU'RE WRITING MUSIC?
24
00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:08,802
- ONLY WHEN I'M INSPIRED,
AND I'M FEELING VERY INSPIRED.
25
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:10,504
YOU WANT TO HEAR
WHAT I'M WORKING ON?
26
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:13,774
I JUST STARTED IT, SO IT'S
NOT POLISHED OR ANYTHING.
27
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:16,477
- YEAH, SURE.
- YEAH.
28
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:19,480
[plays soft music]
29
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:27,621
*
30
00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,396
- IT'S AMAZING.
- MM.
31
00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:39,167
- WHAT'S IT CALLED?
- I WAS THINKING FIRST TIME.
32
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:41,001
- PRETTY.
HOW'D YOU COME UP WITH THAT?
33
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:44,672
- OH, WELL, YOU KNOW, I THINK
THAT ONE JUST CAME TO ME.
34
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:48,609
YOU KNOW, FIRST TIME?
35
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:51,812
[dramatic music]
36
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:54,014
*
37
00:01:57,651 --> 00:02:01,322
- SENIOR BONFIRE IS TONIGHT,
PEOPLE.
38
00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:03,224
SENIOR BONFIRE.
39
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:08,095
HEY, BE THERE.
OTHERWISE, UH-OH, UH-OH.
40
00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:11,199
KIDDING.
41
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:12,666
BIGGIE?
42
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,936
- IT'S WILL,
WHEN I'M OUT OF COSTUME ANYWAY.
43
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:17,505
IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, VAL.
44
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:19,072
- WAIT A SECOND.
ARE YOU STALKING ME?
45
00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:20,208
LISTEN, I GET IT.
46
00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:22,276
I'M AN 11 IN A CITY
FULL OF 7s.
47
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:23,777
I GOT THAT JE NE SAIS QUOI,
48
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,746
BUT IT'S JUST--
IT'S JUST NOT GONNA WORK.
49
00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,715
- NOT STALKING,
COACHING, ACTUALLY.
50
00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:30,618
- OH, REALLY?
51
00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:32,220
WAIT, WE DON'T HAVE A SKI TEAM.
- SCUBA.
52
00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:33,987
WINTER IN THE MOUNTAINS
AND SUMMER AT THE BEACH.
53
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,389
I'M SAVING UP TO GO
TO THE GREAT BARRIER REEF,
54
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,724
AND LUCKY FOR ME,
55
00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:39,327
PHHS NEEDED A SCUBA COACH
THIS SEMESTER.
56
00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,094
- WELL, GREAT.
57
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:43,497
THAT IS GREAT
THAT YOU'RE NOT STALKING ME.
58
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:46,767
I AM SUPER RELIEVED,
SO IT'S--
59
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,537
WELL, GOOD LUCK, COACH.
60
00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:51,239
- THANK YOU.
61
00:02:51,239 --> 00:02:53,874
SEE YOU AROUND, VAL.
62
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,045
- SENIOR BONFIRE TONIGHT.
63
00:02:58,045 --> 00:03:00,248
LET'S SEND THIS FIRST SEMESTER
UP IN FLAMES.
64
00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:02,550
I CALLED YOU LAST NIGHT TO SEE
IF YOU WANTED A PLUS-ONE
65
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,252
TO YOUR "EFF YOU, SCU"
PITY PARTY,
66
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:05,686
BUT IT WENT STRAIGHT
TO VOICE MAIL.
67
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,288
I EVEN BOUGHT
A PINT OF CHUNKY MONKEY,
68
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:08,389
SO WE COULD OVERINDULGE.
69
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,790
- I'D INDULGED, ALL RIGHT,
70
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,492
IN BED WITH A SOPHOMORE VIRGIN.
71
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:13,827
JUST STAYED HOME WITH MY MOM.
72
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:14,962
- SENIOR BONFIRE TONIGHT.
73
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:17,164
- THANKS, ALLENTOWN.
74
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:18,766
- ALLENTOWN?
75
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,568
- LIKE THE BILLY JOEL SONG?
76
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,135
- OR MY SAFETY SCHOOL.
77
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,637
DOES PETE THINK I'M DUMB?
78
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,273
BECAUSE HE THINKS
DEGAS IS A CHEESE.
79
00:03:25,273 --> 00:03:27,475
ALLENTOWN,
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
80
00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:29,377
- YOU'VE BEEN CODED.
81
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:30,578
- DUH.
- CODED?
82
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:31,579
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
83
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,714
- THE PHONEBOOK.
84
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,082
YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW?
85
00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:37,518
- WHY WOULD THEY?
THEY'RE BOTTOM-FEEDERS.
86
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:40,721
- CAN YOU CHILL OUT WITH THE
HATE-O-RADE AND DECODE THE CODE?
87
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:41,989
- THE GUYS USE AREA CODES
88
00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:43,791
TO RATE THE GIRLS
THEY HOOK UP WITH.
89
00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,058
THEY KEEP A HOT-OR-NOT LIST
90
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,660
IN A BIG BOOK
CALLED THE PHONEBOOK.
91
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:49,062
- I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU GUYS DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT.
92
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:52,032
- WE'RE MICHIGANS, 989.
93
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:54,302
- WELL, WHAT'S ALLENTOWN?
94
00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:55,603
484?
95
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:59,139
I DON'T KNOW W.T.F. THIS MEANS,
BUT IT CANNOT BE GOOD.
96
00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:00,674
- DON'T LET IT BOTHER YOU, T.
97
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,109
IT SOUNDS
MONUMENTALLY STUPID.
98
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:03,344
- YOU KNOW
YOU'RE IN THERE TOO,
99
00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:05,346
RIGHT, SUICIDE SALLY?
- WHAT?
100
00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:07,014
- WE'RE GOING OFF CAMPUS
FOR LUNCH.
101
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,682
YOU COMING, SNATCHY?
102
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,819
- ENJOY YOUR PANIC ATTACKS,
SLORES.
103
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,324
- DAMN, DOES YOUR SCHOOL
PUT SOMETHING IN THE WATER
104
00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:17,725
THAT MAKES ALL THE GIRLS HERE
SO HOT?
105
00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:20,127
- ARE YOU SERIOUSLY CHECKING OUT
THOSE SLUNT-BUCKETS
106
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:21,562
RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME?
107
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:22,930
- I WAS JUST TRYING
TO GIVE THEM A COMPLIMENT.
108
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,365
I THOUGHT
THOSE WERE YOUR FRIENDS.
109
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:25,933
- THEY ARE--
THEY'RE ALSO CONNIVING WHORES
110
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,035
WHO COME WITH
A COMPLEMENTARY SIDE OF HERPES.
111
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:30,504
ENJOY YOUR ITCHY,
BURNING PEEN.
112
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:34,708
- DAMN, MUST BE NICE TO BE SO
MUCH BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.
113
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:37,345
- SOMETIMES IT GETS TIRESOME,
114
00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:41,382
BUT MOSTLY
IT'S PRETTY [bleep] GREAT.
115
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,987
- YEAH,
THROW IN AN IMMUNITY BOOST.
116
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,055
IT'S ON ME.
117
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:50,391
- AN IMMUNITY BOOST?
REALLY?
118
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:53,361
- I'M LOVESICK.
IT MIGHT BE CONTAGIOUS.
119
00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:56,597
- OH, MY GOD.
THAT WAS PATHETIC.
120
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,899
- IT WAS TOTALLY LAME.
121
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:01,869
HEY, I HAVE THREE MOVES,
AND NONE OF THEM WORKED.
122
00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:05,373
LOOK, YOU MAKE ME NERVOUS.
123
00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:08,709
I WISH YOU'D LET ME TAKE YOU OUT
AND PROVE THAT THERE'S WAY MORE
124
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:12,380
TO ME THAN JUST CHEESY,
MIDDLE SCHOOL PICKUP LINES.
125
00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:15,949
- SEEMS LIKE
YOU HAVE FOUR MOVES.
126
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:20,087
MAYBE WE CAN GRAB COFFEE
AFTER SCHOOL.
127
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:25,693
- YOU GUYS KNOW WHERE THE BODIES
ARE BURIED AND CORPSES REVIVED
128
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,395
IN THIS INSTITUTION
FOR LOWER LEARNING,
129
00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:29,797
SO I KNOW YOU KNOW
WHERE THAT PHONEBOOK IS HIDDEN.
130
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,232
SO TAKE US TO THE HOLY GRAIL
OF DOUCHEDOM, STAT!
131
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:35,503
- BACK OFF, PSYCH WARD BARBIE.
YOU'RE OPPRESSIVE.
132
00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:37,538
- WHY DO WE GET SUCH A BAD RAP
FOR GROPER
133
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,272
WHEN STRAIGHT GUYS
ARE WAY MORE PERVY?
134
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:42,142
- RATING PEOPLE
BEHIND THEIR BACKS IS SO BUSTED.
135
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:43,511
DO IT TO THEIR FACES.
136
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,646
IT'S THE ONLY WAY
OBJECTIFICATION IS SEXY.
137
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:47,415
- COULD YOU PLEASE JUST SHOW US
WHERE THE PHONEBOOK IS?
138
00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,282
- SORRY, BUT IT IS
ONLY ACCESSIBLE
139
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,985
TO A SAD SUBSET
OF THE PHHS DRONES.
140
00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:54,422
- BRAIN-DEAD JOCKS
WITH MOB MENTALITY,
141
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:57,024
MOMMY FIXATIONS,
AND PERFORMANCE ANXIETIES.
142
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,592
WHY DO YOU THINK THEY NEED
ALL THOSE BEERS
143
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,528
BEFORE THEY CAN SCREW?
144
00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:03,497
- I STILL HADN'T TOLD TAMARA
ABOUT MY OWN MAN-ANIGANS.
145
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:04,698
KNOWING THAT I TOOK
OWEN'S V-CARD
146
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,567
HAD REALLY THROWN ME
FOR A LOOP.
147
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:10,203
I WAS NOT READY FOR A SERIOUS
RELATIONSHIP WITH A SOPHOMORE.
148
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,139
- OWEN, JUST THE GUY
WE WANTED TO SEE.
149
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,441
- I AM?
- HE IS?
150
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:14,742
- YEAH, WE NEED
A STRAIGHT GUY.
151
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:16,176
WAIT, YOU'RE STRAIGHT,
AREN'T YOU?
152
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:18,846
- YEAH, I'M PRETTY SURE.
[chuckles]
153
00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:21,615
- UH, OWEN, WE NEED TO KNOW
WHERE THE PHONEBOOK IS.
154
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:23,684
- WELL, MY MOM KEEPS
THE YELLOW PAGES
155
00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:24,752
UNDER THE KITCHEN SINK.
156
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:27,488
- THIS IS USELESS.
157
00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:31,659
- [whispers]
SORRY.
158
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:35,896
- WHAT WE NEED TO FIND IS A JOCK
WHO ISN'T A COMPLETE ASS.
159
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:39,166
JAKE, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT
A SECRET BOOK THAT JOCKS USE
160
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,001
TO RATE THEIR SEXCAPADES?
161
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,470
- UGH, YOU KNOW
ABOUT THE PHONEBOOK?
162
00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:44,605
IT'S A DUMB TRADITION.
MEANINGLESS.
163
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,474
- YEAH, WELL, WE'RE GONNA NEED
YOU TO GET IT FOR US.
164
00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:48,308
- DREAM ON, AEROSMITH.
I'D GET MY ASS KICKED.
165
00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:50,578
- AH, I THOUGHT
YOU SAID IT WAS MEANINGLESS.
166
00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:54,482
- LOOK, I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU
WHERE IT IS,
167
00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:57,485
BUT THINK OF A PLACE
WHERE NO ONE EVER GOES.
168
00:06:57,485 --> 00:07:01,755
COMPLETELY USELESS,
OUTDATED, A NO-MAN'S-LAND.
169
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:06,393
THAT'S WHERE I'D HIDE SOMETHING
IF I DIDN'T WANT IT FOUND.
170
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:08,729
- WELL, THAT WAS HELPFUL.
171
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:11,599
- HEY, LADIES, JUST DOING
A LITTLE BONFIRE RESEARCH
172
00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:12,666
IN THE LIBRARY.
173
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:17,237
MAN, IT'S A GHOST TOWN
IN THERE.
174
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:18,739
- I'VE GOT IT.
175
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,407
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW IT DIDN'T EAT YOU.
176
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:22,342
OH, MS. MARKS, HAVE YOU MET
OUR NEW SCUBA COACH?
177
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,878
- YEAH, WHY IS HE
IN MY OFFICE?
178
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,547
- THE SCUBA CENTER
HAD TO BE YELLOW-TAPED
179
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,982
'CAUSE OF MOLD,
SO I TOLD PRINCIPAL COX
180
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,284
THAT YOU WOULDN'T MIND
SHACKING UP FOR A WHILE.
181
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,220
- OH, NO.
IMPOSSIBLE.
182
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,955
NO, I NEED ALL MY SPACE.
183
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,289
IN ADDITION TO SHEPHERDING
184
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,859
MY GINORMOUS FLOCK
OF LOST LITTLE LAMBS,
185
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,794
I'M ALSO OVERSEEING
THE SENIOR BONFIRE, SO--
186
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,162
- I GET IT.
187
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:43,997
YOU'RE OVERBURDENED,
AND YOU'RE UNDERBUDGETED.
188
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,899
THAT'S WHY THIS IS PERFECT.
WILL CAN HELP.
189
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,200
- I'D BE HAPPY TO.
190
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,569
YOU KNOW I ONCE BUILT
A WARMING HUT
191
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:51,271
OUT OF WET DRIFTWOOD
FOR A BUNCH OF MAORIS?
192
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:54,274
I'VE ALWAYS SAID WHERE
THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WAY.
193
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:57,444
- UGH.
- [laughs] HE'S FUNNY.
194
00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:59,279
- I THINK
WE'RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE.
195
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,548
- WHERE'S THE REFERENCE SECTION?
196
00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:03,951
- IT'S LIKE OLD-PEOPLE GOOGLE.
197
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:07,187
[gasps]
THERE'S THE PHONE BOOKS.
198
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,723
- ISN'T IT A LITTLE OBVIOUS?
- WELL, THEY'RE JOCKS.
199
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:12,560
LET'S NOT SET THE SUBTLETY BAR
TOO HIGH.
200
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,703
[gasps]
EUREKA.
201
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:28,576
[gasps]
O.M.G.
202
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:31,378
I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS
DISGUSTING, DESPICABLE DOCUMENT.
203
00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:32,880
THIS IS WAR.
204
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,148
AND LOOK, THERE'S
SOMETHING CALLED A B-SCORE.
205
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:36,483
WHAT IS A B-SCORE?
206
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:38,251
BUOYANCY?
BUBBLINESS?
207
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:42,489
B.F.F. POTENTIAL?
208
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:43,757
THAT PATHETIC PUTZ PETE
209
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:46,293
OBVIOUSLY ASSILY ASSESSED
MY ASSETS,
210
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,295
BUT WHAT JERK HATE-RATED YOU?
211
00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:49,863
COLIN?
212
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,899
- THAT PHOTO WAS
FROM SOPHOMORE YEAR.
213
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:55,335
I'D RECOGNIZE
THAT HANDWRITING ANYWHERE.
214
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:56,469
IT WAS MATTY.
215
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:02,475
- YOU CODED ME?
216
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:03,644
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
217
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,613
- THE PHONEBOOK, MATTY.
I SAW IT.
218
00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:07,280
YOU RATED ME?
WERE YOU EVER GONNA TELL ME?
219
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,617
- CALM DOWN, IT'S JUST
A STUPID JOCK TRADITION.
220
00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:11,184
IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
221
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:14,788
- YOU RATED MY BOOBS AND MY BUTT
FOR ALL THOSE GUYS TO SEE,
222
00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:15,923
AND IT'S JUST
NOT A BIG DEAL?
223
00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:17,625
- NO, IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
224
00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:21,228
IT WAS BEFORE WE WERE,
YOU KNOW--
225
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:24,998
HEY, AT LEAST YOU GOT
A GOOD RATING, RIGHT?
226
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,667
- IF YOU THINK
THAT'S THE POINT,
227
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:31,471
THEN YOU ARE AN EVEN BIGGER JERK
NOW THAN YOU WERE THEN.
228
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:32,906
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
229
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:36,409
THIS IS WHY I DON'T
DATE HIGH SCHOOL BOYS.
230
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,812
FORGET COFFEE.
231
00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,716
- IN OTHER NEWS, THE GUYS
AT PALOS HILLS
232
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,184
ARE DISGUSTING MAN-CHILDREN
233
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,687
WHO USE A SECRET BOOK
TO RATE GIRLS' BODIES.
234
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,055
- DON'T FORGET B-SCORE--
235
00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:49,757
HOW MANY BEERS
IT'D TAKE TO BONE YOU.
236
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:52,693
- ONE OF OUR MALE CLASSMATES
WROTE THIS NASTY-GRAM
237
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,294
ABOUT A POOR JANE DOE-N'T.
238
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,964
NEW YORK, 212.
239
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:59,499
NOT EVEN A BUTTERFACE
BECAUSE THIS HEIFER
240
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:02,069
HAS THUNDER THIGHS
AND SAGGY UDDERS.
241
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,503
women: OHH.
242
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:06,406
- LADIES, FEEL FREE TO RATE
THEIR KINDNESS AND COMPASSION.
243
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:09,677
AND WHY DON'T YOU RATE THEIR
FUGLY FACES WHILE YOU'RE AT IT?
244
00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:11,078
WE DON'T NEED TO TAKE
THE HIGH ROAD.
245
00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:12,379
WE JUST NEED TO RUN
THESE BUTTHOLES OFF THE ROAD...
246
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:13,781
- BEEP, BEEP.
247
00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:16,549
- AND INTO THE GUTTER
WHERE THEY BELONG! NO!
248
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:19,753
[beep]
249
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:25,793
- HEY, BEAUTIFUL.
- BEAUTIFUL?
250
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,294
IT WAS A LITTLE MUCH,
251
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,663
BUT I'D RATHER BE CALLED
BEAUTIFUL THAN ST. LOUIS.
252
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,765
- I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE SONG
253
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:32,766
I STARTED YESTERDAY.
254
00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:34,067
YOU WANT TO HEAR?
255
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,036
- ACTUALLY,
NOW'S NOT A GOOD TIME.
256
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,839
IN FACT, CAN WE KEEP
THIS WHOLE THING ON THE D.L.?
257
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:42,342
IT'S JUST, THIS RATINGS THING
HAS TAMARA SORT OF
258
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:46,546
ANTI-ALL GUY RIGHT NOW,
AND I'M TRYING TO, YOU KNOW,
259
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,882
SHOW SOME GIRL SOLIDARITY.
260
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:52,485
- OH, IS THAT WHY
YOU WERE SO WEIRD EARLIER?
261
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:56,389
GOD, I WAS WORRIED THE WHOLE
VIRGIN THING FREAKED YOU OUT.
262
00:10:56,389 --> 00:11:00,193
- OH, NO, NO.
- NO, I GET IT.
263
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,730
MY LIPS ARE SEALED.
264
00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:05,498
- I'LL BE TAKING THIS
FOR SAFEKEEPING.
265
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,300
OOH, FIVE BEERS, OUCH.
266
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,069
- PRINCIPAL COX
SERIOUSLY NEEDS TO CHANGE
267
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,503
HIS DEFINITION OF FEMINISM.
268
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,572
CAN YOU--OWEN?
269
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:14,074
- HEY, TAMARA,
270
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:18,746
I, UM, GOT ROPED INTO PLAYING
AT THE BONFIRE TONIGHT.
271
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,247
YEAH, THEY SAID
YOU WANTED FIGHT SONGS?
272
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,015
- YOU'RE GOING
TO THE BONFIRE?
273
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:25,285
- YEAH, I END UP PLAYING IN ALL
OF THESE OTHER LAME GROUPS
274
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:26,987
'CAUSE I PLAY DIFFERENT
INSTRUMENTS AND STUFF, SO--
275
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,588
- DON'T BE SO MODEST.
276
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,891
OWEN'S A RINGER, AND YES,
277
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:34,294
I WANT MUSIC THAT EVOKES BLOOD
AND BATTLE AND BEATINGS.
278
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:36,296
DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING
THAT SOUNDS LIKE
279
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:37,765
BALLS BEING RIPPED OFF,
280
00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:40,968
LIKE, FROM THE ROOT OR WHATEVER
THEY'RE ATTACHED WITH?
281
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:46,673
O.M.G.
OWEN'S A TERRIBLE LIAR.
282
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,308
HE OBVIOUSLY HAS A THING
FOR ME.
283
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,110
AND, YOU KNOW,
SINCE HIS GROWTH SPURT,
284
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,345
HE'S ACTUALLY BECOME
KIND OF A HOTTIE WITH A BODY.
285
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,882
- MY SECRET WAS GETTING MESSIER
BY THE MOMENT.
286
00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:56,316
IT WAS TIME TO COME CLEAN.
287
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,986
TAMARA WOULD NEVER JUDGE
MY SOPHOMORIC SEX LIFE.
288
00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:00,854
- TOO BAD HITTING THAT
WOULD BE A ONE-WAY TICKET
289
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:04,224
TO COUGAR TOWN.
290
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,594
- "HEY, GANG,
ANYONE UP FOR PIZZA?"
291
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:09,997
I CAN'T BELIEVE MATTY THINKS
HE CAN JUST TEXT ME LIKE THAT
292
00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:11,164
AND EVERYTHING
WILL BE ALL RIGHT.
293
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:14,367
- SPEAKING OF
MAKING THINGS RIGHT,
294
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,203
I MADE A DUDE DATABASE
WITH EVERY GUY
295
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,805
AT PHHS'S PROFILE PIC.
296
00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:21,008
I'M GONNA HATE-RATE THE [bleep]
OUT OF THESE JOCK-OFFS
297
00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:22,976
STARTING WITH PETE.
298
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:25,512
#NOTHINGUPSTAIRS.
299
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:27,948
- #NOTHINGDOWNSTAIRS?
300
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,516
- #BRILLZ.
301
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:32,252
- NOT ONLY DID MATTY REFUSE
TO DESTROY THE PHONEBOOK,
302
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,821
HE DIDN'T EVEN SEEM
TO UNDERSTAND
303
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:35,122
WHY IT WAS SO HURTFUL,
304
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:36,890
AND UNTIL HE COULD BE
A FRIEND TO ME,
305
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,091
I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A FRIEND
TO HIM.
306
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,461
- * SOMEDAY WON'T HOLD ME DOWN *
307
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,099
- WELCOME TO THE SENIOR BONFIRE,
HIGH SCHOOL OLDIES.
308
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,435
THE REAL BONFIRE, THAT IS,
309
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,404
NOT THAT STUPID PILE
OF LINCOLN LOGS OVER THERE.
310
00:12:57,577 --> 00:13:00,981
THIS PARTY IS
ABOUT TO BE EN FUEGO.
311
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:25,138
[all cheering]
312
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,475
- * LA LA LA LA LA
313
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,344
- SERIOUSLY?
UNFRIENDED ME?
314
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,013
- WELL, APPARENTLY,
ALL I AM TO YOU IS A NUMBER.
315
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,614
- THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
316
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,950
IT'S JUST SOME STUPID BOOK
I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT
317
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:38,118
SINCE SOCCER HAZING.
318
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:39,619
- WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD,
319
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:42,789
BECAUSE BEING RATED ST. LOUIS
BY A GUY I THOUGHT
320
00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:48,295
CARED ABOUT ME
IS SOMETHING I'LL NEVER FORGET.
321
00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:50,397
- I CAN'T BELIEVE
RAJ RATED ME.
322
00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:52,632
HAVE YOU SEEN
HIS SKINNY CHICKEN LEGS?
323
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,201
- #CHICKENLEGS.
324
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,435
- SOMEONE MADE A DUDE DATABASE
325
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:56,970
TO GET BACK
AT THOSE BEEF JERKIES.
326
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,973
IT'S BEEN LIKE CHAPSTICK
TO MY POOR, BLISTERED EGO.
327
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:01,141
HERE, SEE FOR YOURSELVES.
328
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:03,610
[all chuckle]
329
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:09,182
- WHAT, YOU DIDN'T SEE ENOUGH
OF MY HOT FRIENDS AT LUNCH?
330
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,583
- THOSE SHRINK-WRAP BLONDIES?
331
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:13,420
RELAX, SADITA,
THOSE GIRLS ARE SIXES AT BEST.
332
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,788
- I'M SORRY,
ARE YOU RATING THEM?
333
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:18,591
- WHAT? YOU'RE A 9.
A 9 1/2 EVEN.
334
00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:20,460
I LIKE MY WOMEN
TALL AND CURVY.
335
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,930
- AND I LIKE MY MEN TALL,
WELL-MANNERED, AND LITERATE.
336
00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:24,264
YOU KNOW, NOTHING LIKE YOU.
337
00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:25,765
- JESUS, WHAT HAS YOU
SO TWISTED?
338
00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:27,567
IT'S LIKE ANYTHING I SAY
YOU FIGURE OUT
339
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,202
HOW TO TURN INTO A SLAM.
- I KNOW.
340
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,737
I'M REALLY TALENTED.
341
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:33,941
- AND A LITTLE TOO INSECURE
SOMETIMES.
342
00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:35,375
- LO SIENTO.
343
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,578
YOU'RE SO PERFECT.
344
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:39,947
- THANK YOU GUYS FOR COMING.
345
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:43,150
SENIORS, THIS IS
OUR LAST BONFIRE, SO ENJOY IT.
346
00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:46,853
EVEN THOUGH 50% OF OUR CLASS
DOESN'T DESERVE TO LIVE,
347
00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:48,956
WE CAN STILL
ALL HAVE A GOOD TIME.
348
00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:51,058
AND THE ONLY NUMBERS
YOU'LL BE HEARING TONIGHT
349
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,792
ARE MUSICAL ONES,
SO TAKE IT AWAY
350
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,794
BEFORE I SAY
WHAT I'M REALLY THINKING.
351
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:57,797
[rock music]
352
00:14:57,797 --> 00:15:05,805
*
353
00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:10,343
- THE MUSIC SOUNDED FAMILIAR,
AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS
354
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:13,446
ANOTHER VERSION OF FIRST TIME,
AND OWEN'S SWEET SERENADE
355
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,582
MADE THE BITTER PILL
OF MATTY'S BAD BEHAVIOR
356
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,650
THAT MUCH HARDER TO SWALLOW.
357
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:18,986
- WHAT?
THE PHONEBOOK'S SO BAD,
358
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:21,621
THEY'D RATHER FREEZE
THAN BE NEAR US?
359
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:23,456
IT'S A RITE OF PASSAGE.
EVERYONE DOES IT.
360
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:24,791
- I DIDN'T.
361
00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,393
THE WHOLE THING'S
REALLY MESSED UP.
362
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:27,460
- IT'S JUST A JOKE.
363
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:29,062
- DUDE,
I HAVE A LITTLE SISTER,
364
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:31,531
AND I WOULD KILL SOMEONE
IF THEY RATED HER,
365
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:34,234
AND BE HONEST--WHAT IF
SOMEONE ELSE HAD RATED JENNA?
366
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:36,836
- IT'S JUST--I--
LOOK.
367
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:38,771
I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT HER
LIKE THAT SOPHOMORE YEAR.
368
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,808
SHE WAS JUST THIS REALLY
AWESOME, SECRET BOOTY CALL,
369
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:47,014
NOT, I DON'T KNOW,
A REAL PERSON AT FIRST.
370
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,585
- YOU LOOK COLD.
TAKE MY COAT.
371
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,354
- I'M FINE.
372
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:55,622
- WHY ARE YOU
PUSHING ME AWAY, HUH?
373
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:57,024
YOU WON'T EVEN TAKE MY COAT?
374
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,758
- MAYBE I DON'T WANT
TO SULLY IT
375
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,860
WITH ALL MY DEEP-SEATED
INSECURITIES.
376
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,695
- SADIE, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE--
377
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:05,798
- CONGRATU-[bleep]-LATIONS,
SERGIO, YOU'RE RIGHT.
378
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:09,236
I AM REALLY UNHAPPY
SOMETIMES.
379
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,271
YOUR MOTHER WORRIES
THAT YOU'LL STARVE TO DEATH
380
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:12,872
WITHOUT HER TAMALES.
381
00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:15,508
MY MOTHER USED TO SCRAPE FOOD
INTO THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL,
382
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:16,509
SO I WOULDN'T EAT IT.
383
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,578
- YOUR MOM SOUNDS CRAZY.
384
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,113
I WANT YOU.
385
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:21,581
- FOR WHAT?
386
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,316
A GROPE IN THE SAUSAGE TRUCK,
387
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,817
SO YOU CAN TELL
ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS
388
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,087
THAT YOU GOT MY HOT STUFF
ALL UP IN YOUR FACE?
389
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:30,590
- WHOA, CALIENTE, WHO WOULD WORK
THIS HARD FOR JUST A GROPE?
390
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:31,758
- ALL MEN ARE DOUCHE NUTS.
391
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,326
- NOT ALL.
- YEAH?
392
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,861
WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE THAT?
393
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:37,597
- BECAUSE IT'S TRUE,
BUT YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME
394
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,299
A REAL CHANCE TO FIND OUT.
395
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:42,369
[gentle music]
396
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:45,438
- [vocalizing]
397
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:53,713
*
398
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:55,182
- DUDE, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
399
00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:58,451
- HEY, EVERYONE.
400
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:01,188
HI.
401
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:04,324
I WANT TO APOLOGIZE
TO ALL THE GIRLS IN HERE,
402
00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:07,327
BUT ESPECIALLY TO ALL THE GIRLS
THAT I CODED.
403
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:11,431
NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED
LIKE THEY'RE JUST A NUMBER.
404
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:15,535
JUST A DUMB TRADITION.
405
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:21,408
A REALLY [bleep] DUMB ONE.
406
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,543
all: OHH.
- BUT--
407
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,347
- MATTY'S GESTURE
WAS ALMOST HEROIC,
408
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,849
AND I WANTED TO LET HIM KNOW,
409
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:32,452
BUT GABBY BEAT ME TO IT.
410
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:34,854
- WOW, MCKIBBEN,
411
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:38,691
I GUESS YOU'RE NOT
100% DOUCHE BAG AFTER ALL.
412
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,760
- EH, NO MORE THAN 35%.
413
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,595
[both chuckle]
414
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:51,971
[Another Day by Carousel]
415
00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:54,341
- GOOD MOVE, WHALE RIDER,
YOU LEFT OUR OFFICE UNLOCKED,
416
00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:55,642
AND NOW THE PHONEBOOK
IS GONE FOREVER.
417
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:57,009
- I'M SORRY, VAL.
418
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:59,846
- YOU SHOULD BE.
I STILL HAD 30 PAGES TO READ.
419
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:02,149
PLUS, THE BONFIRE WAS MY THING
420
00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:05,285
BEFORE YOU CAME ALONG
AND STOLE MY FIRE, LITERALLY.
421
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,253
- I KNOW.
422
00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:08,155
MAYBE I WAS TRYING
TO IMPRESS YOU.
423
00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:10,590
MAYBE I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET
YOU OUT OF MY HEAD SINCE WE MET,
424
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:15,228
AND OKAY, MAYBE I AM
STALKING YOU A LITTLE.
425
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,464
- REALLY?
- REALLY, REALLY.
426
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,666
BUT I'M GONNA STAY
OUT OF YOUR WAY.
427
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:21,201
IN FACT,
I'VE ALREADY VOLUNTEERED
428
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,703
FOR A DIFFERENT SCHOOL ACTIVITY.
429
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:26,439
- * OH, YOU GOT ME FEELING
430
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,440
* YOU'RE STARTING *
431
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,808
- OLD HABITS, YOU KNOW?
432
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,377
- * ON YOUR WAY
433
00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:33,546
* OH, YOU GOT ME FEELING
I WANNA STAY *
434
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:34,981
- BIGGIE--
WILL, WAIT.
435
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:38,218
- * I WANNA STAY ANOTHER DAY
436
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:40,720
*
437
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:45,658
- THANK YOU
FOR LIGHTING MY FIRE.
438
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:52,232
*
439
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:55,802
UM, CAN YOU JUST
PUT THE HEAD ON?
440
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:05,445
- JENNA, HEY, DID YOU--
DID YOU LIKE THE PIECE?
441
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:06,613
- IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
442
00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:07,614
- GOOD.
443
00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:11,618
- YOU ARE SO TALENTED.
444
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,386
OWEN, I CAN'T DATE YOU.
445
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,622
I NEVER WOULD'VE SLEPT
WITH YOU
446
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:17,790
IF I'D HAVE KNOWN
IT WAS YOUR FIRST TIME.
447
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,926
HEY, I'M A SENIOR.
448
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,594
I'M NOT LOOKING
FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS.
449
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:24,297
YOU DESERVE TO BE WITH SOMEBODY
WHO CAN EXPERIENCE
450
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,467
ALL THOSE FIRSTS WITH YOU
IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP.
451
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,302
- [scoffs]
452
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:31,404
I'M SUCH AN IDIOT TO THINK
453
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:33,306
THAT YOU COULD ACTUALLY BE
INTO ME.
454
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:36,343
I MEAN, YOU'RE LIKE
THIS SUPER-HOT GIRL,
455
00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:39,779
AND I'M KRYPTONITE
TO HOT GIRLS.
456
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:41,448
- OH, NO, NO, NO.
457
00:19:41,448 --> 00:19:43,483
YOU'RE REALLY SWEET
AND FUNNY
458
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:46,986
AND INTELLIGENT
AND SO TALENTED AND CUTE.
459
00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:48,721
LOTS OF GIRLS
THINK YOU'RE CUTE.
460
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,590
TAMARA JUST SAID SO TODAY.
461
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:55,862
- THANKS, YOU KNOW,
BUT I'LL SEE YOU AROUND, OKAY?
462
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:58,064
- OWEN MIGHT BE HURTING,
463
00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:02,402
BUT I KNEW I'D FINALLY DONE
THE RIGHT THING.
464
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:04,437
MY MORAL COMPASS
WAS POINTING NORTH,
465
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:06,706
AND IT TURNS OUT,
MATTY MCKIBBEN WAS ACTUALLY
466
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,941
A PRETTY GREAT FRIEND.
467
00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:13,513
[computer chiming]
468
00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:25,358
I MAY HAVE CLOSED THE LID
ON THE MATTY DRAMA,
469
00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:29,696
BUT I'D OPENED A PANDORA'S BOX
OF HASHTAG HATING.
470
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:33,733
THE DUDE DATABASE
WAS GOING VIRAL,
471
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,902
AND THE BALANCE OF POWER
HAD DEFINITELY SHIFTED
472
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,337
FROM THE GUYS TO THE GIRLS.
473
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:40,740
AND IF ANYONE FOUND OUT
I WAS PARTLY RESPONSIBLE,
474
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,208
I'D BE #TOAST.
475
00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:46,579
- NEXT ON AWKWARD...
- IF YOU EVER TELL ANYONE THIS,
476
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,114
I WILL GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES
WITH MY THUMBS.
477
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:52,084
- THE DUDE DATABASE
HAS GONE FULL-ON VIRAL.
478
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,555
DID OWEN JUST KISS YOUR CHEEK?
- WHAT? NO.
479
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:58,658
- GAME IS THE OPERATIVE WORD
HERE, PLAYER.
480
00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:00,026
- W--
481
00:21:00,026 --> 00:21:01,761
- WHEN I DON'T ANSWER MY PHONE,
482
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,363
IT'S 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT
TO TALK TO YOU.
35444
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