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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,178 - PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD... 2 00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:11,279 - I'D RATHER DIE IN PRISON THAN CALL JENNA. 3 00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:12,646 - GONNA GIVE YOU HIS BROTHER'S NUMBER. 4 00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:14,115 HE'LL KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO HANDLE THIS SITUATION. 5 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,116 - I WENT TO JENNA. - AND? 6 00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,117 - SHE SAID SHE COULDN'T HELP. 7 00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:17,251 - ONE AMAZING NEW BOYFRIEND 8 00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:19,353 MINUS ZERO LINGERING FEELINGS FOR MATTY 9 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,089 EQUALS ME READY TO START A NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE. 10 00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:22,656 - WHAT ABOUT A CONJUGAL VISIT? 11 00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:27,328 - A WISE MAN ONCE SAID, "THE DEVIL'S IN THE DETAILS." 12 00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,263 WELL, I'D SPENT THE FIRST HALF OF SENIOR YEAR 13 00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:31,031 PERFECTING MY DEETS. 14 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,234 I'D IMPROVED MY GPA, BEEFED UP MY RESUME, 15 00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:35,069 AND WRITTEN A DYNAMIC PERSONAL STATEMENT 16 00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:37,738 FOR MY COMMON COLLEGE APP, WHICH WAS DUE BY MIDNIGHT. 17 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,440 I WAS RIDING HIGH ON CONFIDENCE, 18 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,509 ABOUT TO SEND MY LIFE IN A WHOLE NEW DIRECTION. 19 00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:43,477 - HEY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOUR ESSAY. 20 00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:46,614 YOU SHOULD PICK A COOL FONT OR A COLOR THAT POPS. 21 00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:48,949 IT'LL REALLY MAKE YOUR APPLICATION STAND OUT. 22 00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,784 - HMM, THANKS, MOM. 23 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,786 THAT SOUNDS, UH, DESPERATE. 24 00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,122 BUT DON'T WORRY. 25 00:00:54,122 --> 00:00:55,723 I ALREADY ASKED LUKE TO LOOK OVER MY ESSAY, 26 00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,125 AND HE WENT THROUGH THIS TWO YEARS AGO, 27 00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:58,826 SO HE'LL DEFINITELY KNOW IF IT'S GOOD ENOUGH OR NOT. 28 00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:03,231 - SO YOU GONNA ACCEPT MY OFFER OR KEEP PLAYING HARD TO GET? 29 00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:05,899 - YOUR DAD ASKED ME TO FRIEND HIM. 30 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,301 - SOCIAL NETWORKING, DAD? 31 00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,670 SO IT'S NOT JUST SOME STUPID FAD ANYMORE? 32 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,172 - I'M GOING ALL IN NOW. 33 00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:12,973 I MEAN, HOW COOL IS IT THAT WHEN YOU'RE AWAY AT COLLEGE, 34 00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:15,176 I'LL STILL BE ABLE TO FOLLOW EVERYTHING YOU'RE DOING? 35 00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:17,578 [cell phone chimes] 36 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,980 DON'T FORGET TO FRIEND ME. 37 00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:21,149 - MY DAD JUST FRIENDED ME. 38 00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,383 - THAT'S THE WORST. 39 00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:25,853 MY MOM THINKS WRITING "CALL ME" ON MY WALL IS TEXTING. 40 00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,256 NOW, ABOUT YOUR ESSAY. 41 00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:29,690 I READ IT WITH A VERY CRITICAL EYE. 42 00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:30,724 - OKAY, DON'T EDIT YOURSELF. 43 00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:32,260 IF IT'S TERRIBLE, I NEED TO KNOW. 44 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:33,894 ALTHOUGH IF IT IS TERRIBLE, I ACTUALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW, 45 00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:35,363 BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN INSTEAD OF COLLEGE, 46 00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:37,030 I HAVE TO SPEND MY ENTIRE LIFE IN THIS HOUSE WITH MY PARENTS. 47 00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:38,399 SHOULD I CHANGE THE FONT? 48 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:40,501 - NICE NEUROTIC WRITER PREAMBLE, BUT NOW IT'S MY TURN. 49 00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:41,902 IT'S GOOD. - REALLY? 50 00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:43,304 - IT'S GREAT. 51 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,573 YOU'RE DEFINITELY COLLEGE MATERIAL, JENNA HAMILTON. 52 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:46,707 NOW I HAVE TO GET TO CLASS. 53 00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:47,708 WHO KNOWS? 54 00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:48,776 THIS TIME NEXT YEAR, 55 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,077 WE MAY BE GOING TO CLASS TOGETHER. 56 00:01:50,077 --> 00:01:51,512 - I WAS ANOTHER STEP CLOSER 57 00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,681 TO LEAVING ALL THOSE AWKWARD HIGH SCHOOL MOMENTS BEHIND ME 58 00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:55,216 AND BLAZING A NEW TRAIL 59 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:58,219 AS A SOPHISTICATED, FABULOUS UNDERGRADUATE. 60 00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,588 [computer blipping] 61 00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:05,859 [gasps] 62 00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:10,030 [cell phone chimes] 63 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,832 - "LITTLE POOPER"? 64 00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,467 - DAD! 65 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:17,205 [keys clacking, loud thud] 66 00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:19,072 - I BARELY GOT 20 MINUTES OF TMZ-- 67 00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:20,374 TAMARA'S MANDATORY Z-TIME-- 68 00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:21,575 BECAUSE I WAS UP ALL NIGHT 69 00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:22,776 TWEAKING MY PERSONAL STATEMENT. 70 00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:24,545 - I ONLY APPLIED TO CHRIST-CENTERED SCHOOLS: 71 00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:26,280 VANDERBILT, BAYLOR, AND BRIGHAM YOUNG. 72 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,581 MORMONS AREN'T REALLY CHRISTIANS, 73 00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:29,250 BUT UTAH SEEMS NEAT. 74 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,751 AND SINCE THEY ALL WORSHIP A FALSE PROPHET 75 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:31,985 AND ARE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL, 76 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,821 I FIGURED I COULD GET MORE ME TIME WITH JESUS. 77 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:36,123 - REALLY ENJOYED THE TRIP DOWN POTTY TRAINING LANE 78 00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:37,491 THIS MORNING, HAMILTURD. 79 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:40,228 REMINDED ME TO BLOCK YOU, YOU FILTHY SCAT QUEEN. 80 00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:42,896 - I USED A SONG FOR MY PERSONAL STATEMENT. 81 00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:43,897 WHAT? 82 00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:46,400 NO SARCASTIC REMARK OR A JOKE, 83 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,001 MAYBE AN EYE ROLL, TAMARA? 84 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,703 - I THINK IT'S AWESOME, JAKE. 85 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:52,105 PLUS, I HEAR THEY USE HAPPY FACES FOR GRADES 86 00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:53,407 AT HIPPIE-DIPPIE U. 87 00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:54,408 - HMM. 88 00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:55,576 SO WHAT ABOUT YOU TWO? 89 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:56,844 WHAT LUCKY SCHOOL IS GONNA GET 90 00:02:56,844 --> 00:03:00,047 THE DYNAMIC TAMARA AND JENNA DUO? 91 00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:02,450 - TAMARA AND I USED TO TALK ABOUT COLLEGE ALL THE TIME. 92 00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:03,884 BUT AFTER OUR COLLEGE VISIT, 93 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,653 IT WAS CLEAR WE WERE HEADED IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS. 94 00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:08,522 NEITHER OF US WANTED TO SAY IT OUT LOUD AND MAKE IT REAL. 95 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,591 WE'RE KEEPING OUR TOP PICKS SECRET. 96 00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:11,692 WE DON'T WANT TO JINX IT. 97 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:12,993 I HAVEN'T HIT "SEND" YET. 98 00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,295 HOW ABOUT YOU, T? 99 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:16,330 - I WANTED TO LOOK THINGS OVER ONE LAST TIME. 100 00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:17,398 - WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER TONIGHT? 101 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:18,399 WE CAN HIT "SEND" TOGETHER. 102 00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:19,433 - BALLS, YES! 103 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:20,668 A BESTIE FESTIE LIKE THE OLD DAYS. 104 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:22,002 - AWESOME. 105 00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:23,937 WE'RE REGRESSING TO TWEENS BEFORE WE GO TO COLLEGE. 106 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:25,506 I LOVE IT. - HEY, MATTY! 107 00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:33,847 - EVA'S SO PRETTY 108 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:36,284 AND WALKS LIKE SHE'S ON A CLOUD. 109 00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:38,652 - MORE LIKE SAILING ON A [bleep] STORM. 110 00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:40,288 - JENNA. - HEY, YOU. 111 00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:41,622 - UH, CAN I GET THAT FILE 112 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:44,024 WITH MY PERSONAL STATEMENT YOU HELPED ME WITH? 113 00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:45,959 - YOU HELPED MATTY WRITE HIS PERSONAL STATEMENT? 114 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,861 THAT'S SO COOL OF YOU, JENNA. 115 00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:48,929 - YEAH. 116 00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:50,664 I'LL SEND IT TO YOU WHEN I GET HOME. 117 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,766 - I REALLY NEED IT, SO DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING, OKAY? 118 00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:53,967 - HANGING? 119 00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,536 EVER SINCE MATTY GOT ARRESTED, 120 00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,104 HE HAD BEEN THROWING ATTITUDE MY WAY. 121 00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,872 BUT IT WASN'T MY JOB TO BAIL HIM OUT, 122 00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:00,007 NOT ANYMORE. 123 00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:02,776 HE'D MADE THAT VERY CLEAR. 124 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,345 - HEY, JENNA, HOW ARE YOU? 125 00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:06,580 - GOOD. I'M GOOD. 126 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:07,781 - I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE OKAY 127 00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,083 NOW THAT MATTY AND I HAVE... CONNECTED. 128 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,719 - WE BOTH KNEW SHE MEANT SEX. 129 00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:12,753 STILL GOOD. 130 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,154 - IF US BEING TOGETHER BOTHERS YOU, 131 00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:15,155 I'D SHUT IT DOWN. 132 00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,724 YOU MEAN THAT MUCH TO ME. 133 00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:18,326 - EVA'S PROPOSITION WAS LOSE-LOSE: 134 00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:19,993 PUT ON A FAKE SMILE WHILE MATTY AND EVA 135 00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:22,062 PARADED AROUND THE SCHOOL LIKE ROYALTY 136 00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:24,332 OR BE THE JEALOUS EX THAT MADE THEM BREAK UP. 137 00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:25,533 IT'S FINE, EVA. 138 00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:27,335 - HEY, WE SHOULD ALL HANG SOON. 139 00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:28,502 - OH, IT'S TOO BAD. 140 00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,137 TAMARA AND I ALREADY PLANNED GIRLS' NIGHT. 141 00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,506 - BUMMER, I'D LOVE A GIRLS' NIGHT. 142 00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:33,674 MATTY'S TAKING ME OUT TO CELEBRATE 143 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:35,042 OUR COLLEGE APPS GOING IN. 144 00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:36,477 HE'S SUCH A ROMANTIC. 145 00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,178 BUT WHY AM I TELLING YOU THAT? 146 00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:40,581 HE'S PROBABLY TAKEN YOU OUT TO A MILLION ROMANTIC DINNERS. 147 00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:43,517 - WELL, IF HE MENTIONS RESEDA, DON'T OVERDRESS. 148 00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:44,852 - I DON'T WANT TO OVERDRESS, 149 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,387 AND I THINK THIS PANTSUIT SAYS, 150 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:48,221 "I'M CHIC, I'M DOWN TO PARTY, 151 00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:49,923 AND I'M EFFORTLESSLY SEXY." 152 00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:52,993 - I THINK... 153 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,595 YOU HAVE GREAT LEGS, 154 00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:56,964 AND HIDING THEM WOULD BE A CRIME. 155 00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:59,367 - YOU KNOW, YOU ARE SO RIGHT. 156 00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:01,969 GOD, I THINK THE STRESS OF GOING TO MY REUNION 157 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,637 IS CLOUDING MY JUDGMENT A LITTLE. 158 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:04,738 - I GOT THIS. 159 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,206 - I PLANNED THIS ENTIRE SHINDIG, 160 00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:08,075 AND IT HAS TO BE PERFECT. 161 00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,643 STEVIE SHAY'S GONNA BE THERE. 162 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,179 HE WAS THE HOTTEST TOTTIE IN CLASS. 163 00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:13,481 - OOH! 164 00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:15,148 - ALL FOUR YEARS, HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW MY REAL NAME, 165 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,951 THANKS TO THAT RUMORMONGERING BIATCH ERICA SCHNEBLY. 166 00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:20,087 - WELL, TONIGHT EVERYONE'S GONNA SEE YOU 167 00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,589 IN A WHOLE NEW LIGHT. 168 00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:24,492 - OH, AND I HIRED SADIE'S FOOD TRUCK FOR CATERING. 169 00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:26,193 FOOD TRUCKS ARE AU COURANT. 170 00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:27,728 THAT MEANS "HIPSTER" IN FRENCH. 171 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,630 - HMM. MAKEUP, GOOD. 172 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,031 EARRINGS, PERFECT. 173 00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,566 NECKLACE, TO DIE FOR. 174 00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:35,403 YOU LOOK STUNNING. 175 00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:36,404 - I LOVE IT! 176 00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:37,905 JUST ONE QUESTION. 177 00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:38,872 WHAT AM I WEARING? 178 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:41,809 - WELL DONE. 179 00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:42,843 I SAY SEND. 180 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,044 - LET'S DO IT TOGETHER. 181 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,245 - THIS WAS IT. 182 00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,080 ONCE I HIT "SEND," THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK. 183 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,683 NEXT FALL, I'D BE STARTING A WHOLE NEW LIFE. 184 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,218 BUT THERE WAS STILL CRAP FROM MY OLD LIFE 185 00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:52,453 I HAD TO DEAL WITH. 186 00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,788 CRAP, I STILL HAVE TO SEND MATTY HIS STUPID ESSAY. 187 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,189 - WHAT WAS THAT SCENE ABOUT TODAY? 188 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,626 HE WAS THROWING SOME SERIOUS BADITUDE YOUR WAY. 189 00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,260 - I DON'T KNOW, AND I DON'T CARE. 190 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,829 - BOVINE FECES. 191 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,464 THAT'S "[bleep]" IN S.A.T. 192 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:04,798 - OKAY, YES, I CAN'T HELP CARING 193 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,567 IF HE'S BEING A DICK TO ME. 194 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:07,668 I'M TRYING NOT TO. 195 00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:08,669 [computer whooshes] 196 00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:10,504 THERE, SENT HIS STUPID ESSAY. 197 00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:13,006 [soft pop music] 198 00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:14,274 [tires squealing] 199 00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:15,943 - DON'T TEXT AND DRIVE. IT CAN WAIT. 200 00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:18,846 - I JUST--I NEED TO SEE IF JENNA SENT MY ESSAY. 201 00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:20,981 - I COULD HELP YOU WRITE A REALLY GOOD ESSAY, YOU KNOW. 202 00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,015 - OH, YEAH? 203 00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,817 MM, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A NICE OFFER. 204 00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:25,553 - HOW HARD COULD IT BE WITH SUCH A GREAT SUBJECT? 205 00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:28,088 - [laughs] YOU'RE PRETTY GREAT YOURSELF. 206 00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,690 BUT IT'S COOL. JENNA ALREADY HOOKED ME UP. 207 00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,525 WILL YOU SEE IF SHE SENT IT? 208 00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:39,467 * 209 00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,071 ANYTHING? 210 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,539 - UH... 211 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:50,310 * 212 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:51,545 I DON'T SEE ANYTHING. 213 00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:53,881 SORRY. 214 00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:56,083 I HOPE SHE'S NOT BLOWING YOU OFF. 215 00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:01,321 - ALL RIGHT, BEFORE WE PUNCH OUR GOLDEN TICKET, 216 00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:02,823 WE SHOULD DOCUMENT THE MOMENT. 217 00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:03,991 [gasps] ADORBS. 218 00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:05,158 I'LL POST. 219 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,794 - OH, CRAP. 220 00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:09,396 MY DAD POSTED MORE OF HIS MEMORY LANE FREAK SHOW. 221 00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:10,998 HE THINKS ADDING THE WORD "PRIVATE" NEXT TO MY NAME 222 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:12,265 MEANS NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE IT. 223 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,366 - [gasps] 224 00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:15,769 JENNA, THE OTHER PICS YOU'RE TAGGED IN 225 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,370 AND THE PICS YOU'VE POSTED-- 226 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,239 "RED CUPS AND RED EYES," 227 00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,208 "SEXY JENNA DUCK FACE POUT"? 228 00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,611 COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICERS ARE SUPER SNOOPERS. 229 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:25,245 THEY WANT A PERSON OF SUBSTANCE, 230 00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:26,914 NOT SUBSTANCE ABUSE! 231 00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,882 BEFORE YOU HIT "SEND," WE HAVE TO GIVE A PEDI 232 00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,784 TO YOUR SLIGHTLY SKANK DIGITAL FOOTPRINT. 233 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,252 - CAN WE REALLY DO ALL THAT NOW? 234 00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:34,087 - HAVE YOU MET THE EXPERT? 235 00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:35,656 THE UPSIDE TO MY CATFISHING TRIP 236 00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,858 WAS THE HONING OF MY PERCEPTION DECEPTION SKILLS. 237 00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,827 ANY COLLEGE THAT GOOGLES TAMARA KAPLAN 238 00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:42,663 WILL BE WOWED BY MY SQUEAKY-CLEAN ONLINE PERSONA. 239 00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,197 LET'S SEE WHAT WE'RE WORKING WITH. 240 00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:45,533 - THE MOST DISTURBING SHOTS 241 00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:47,400 WEREN'T THE ONES I WAS CAUGHT DOING POOLSIDE. 242 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,302 THEY WERE THE ONES WITH MATTY BY MY SIDE. 243 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:52,405 MY COMPLICATED PAST WAS STILL ATTACHED TO MY PRESENT 244 00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:55,142 AND IN NEED OF SOME SERIOUS SCRUBBING. 245 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,310 - THIS IS GOING TO BE A HELLISH ORDEAL, 246 00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,547 SO I NEED BOTH OF YOU TO STAY OUT OF MY WAY 247 00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:02,650 AND OBEY EVERY ORDER I GIVE YOU TO THE LETTER! 248 00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:03,784 - WOW, YOU'RE REALLY FEELING 249 00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:06,253 THIS WHOLE GERMAN THING, AREN'T YOU? 250 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:07,955 - YOU ARE HALF AN HOUR LATE. 251 00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:09,723 NOW, FIRE UP THAT GRILL STAT! 252 00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:13,226 - I TOLD YOU, I HAVE FRIDAY CLASS AND MIGHT BE LATE. 253 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,428 YOU SHOULD LISTEN WHEN I TELL YOU STUFF, SADITA. 254 00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:16,797 - DO NOT CALL ME THAT, 255 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,966 AND KEEP YOUR CHOLO HANDS OFF ME, 256 00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:20,634 COMPRENDE, SERGIO? 257 00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,202 - ARE WE SERVING CHOLOS TONIGHT? 258 00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:25,072 - THAT'S ACTIONABLE SEXUAL HARASSMENT, YOU PIG. 259 00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,174 - STICKING THAT BIG OLE SEXY-ASS BOOTY IN MY FACE 260 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,042 IS WHAT CONSTITUTES SEXUAL HARASSMENT. 261 00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:31,845 AND, BLANQUITA, IF I WAS SEXUALLY HARASSING YOU, 262 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:34,815 TRUST ME, YOU'D KNOW. 263 00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:37,150 - UH, WHY DO I HAVE TO WEAR THE LEDERHOSEN AND HE DOESN'T? 264 00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,753 - BECAUSE SERGIO WOULD LOOK STUPID IN LEDERHOSEN. 265 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,221 - AND I DON'T? 266 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,489 - NO, YOU DO. 267 00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:44,625 NOW, EVERYONE, GET BACK TO [bleep] WORK! 268 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,093 - * LET ME HEAR YOU SAY 269 00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:47,595 * 270 00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:48,829 * LET ME HEAR YOU SAY 271 00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:52,766 * 272 00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:55,202 - VAL, GET IN HERE. 273 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,469 YOU CAN DO THIS. COME ON. 274 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:04,144 - I FEEL NAKED WITHOUT MY FANNY PACK. 275 00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:05,813 WAIT. AM I NAKED? PEOPLE ARE STARING. 276 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:09,850 - NOPE. THEY ARE CHECKING YOU OUT. 277 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,018 - HEY. 278 00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:12,152 THIS IS WEIRD. 279 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,320 I DON'T RECOGNIZE YOU TWO, 280 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,689 AND I DO NOT FORGET BEAUTIFUL WOMEN. 281 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:16,990 [all laugh] 282 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,693 - WELL, I ACTUALLY DIDN'T GO HERE. 283 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:21,829 I'M WITH MY FRIEND VAL, WHO DID. 284 00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:24,331 - CLEARLY I SMOKED TOO MUCH DOPE IN HIGH SCHOOL. 285 00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:25,498 - [laughing] STOP. 286 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,367 WHO DIDN'T? 287 00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:28,836 I DO REMEMBER YOU, THOUGH. 288 00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:31,839 YOU'RE STEVIE SHAY. 289 00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:34,141 - YOU KNOW, MY GIRL HERE PLANNED THE WHOLE REUNION. 290 00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:36,409 - COOL. - NO, NO, IT WAS NO TROUBLE. 291 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,211 I JUST BOOKED THE ROOM NINE MONTHS AGO. 292 00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:40,313 THEN I CONFIRMED IT SIX MONTHS AGO. 293 00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,815 AND THEN I PICKED OUT THE GOLD TABLECLOTHS 294 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:42,816 THREE MONTHS AGO-- 295 00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:44,852 - DEMPSTER! YOU SICK BASTARD. 296 00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:47,855 OOH! - VAL-GINA? 297 00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:50,023 OH, IT IS YOU! 298 00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,826 WOW, YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD. 299 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,127 GOOD FOR YOU. 300 00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,162 ADMIT IT, THOUGH. 301 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,664 YOU'VE HAD WORK DONE. 302 00:09:56,664 --> 00:09:57,665 - BUNION SURGERY. 303 00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:58,999 THANKS FOR NOTICING. 304 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,233 - [laughing] OH, GOD. 305 00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:02,469 YOU'RE STILL THAT SAME OLD KOOKY VAL-GINA. 306 00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:03,904 [laughs] 307 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,708 - VAL-GINA? 308 00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:10,510 - ERICA STARTED A RUMOR THAT I WAS A HERMAPHRODITE. 309 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:11,679 I NEED A HUG. 310 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:13,847 - NO, YOU DON'T. 311 00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:16,684 YOU NEED LIP GLOSS. 312 00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:20,520 - LOOK SMART, LIKE YOU'RE REALLY INTERESTED IN IT. 313 00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:26,960 YOU'RE STUDYING. YOU'RE SOLVING. 314 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,095 DIFFICULT. 315 00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:29,196 ACT LIKE YOU SOLVED IT. 316 00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:30,864 - I'M TRYING. 317 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:31,865 - STOP! 318 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,466 - WELL, IT'S SOLVED. - JENNA! 319 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:34,567 - IT'S SOLVED. 320 00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:35,969 - I'M NOT GONNA REMEMBER WHAT I WROTE. 321 00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:39,840 THAT ONE'S REALLY GOOD. 322 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,141 - MM, I LIKE IT. 323 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,043 [doorbell rings] 324 00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:48,015 - SURPRISE! 325 00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:49,416 LET'S GO OUT AND CELEBRATE YOUR APPS GOING IN. 326 00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,752 FRIDAY NIGHT IS JAZZ UNDER THE STARS AT LACMA. 327 00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:53,186 - YOU ARE PERFECTION. 328 00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,388 OH, CHECK OUT WHAT TAMARA DID FOR MY ONLINE PROFILE. 329 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,457 SHE IS TOTALLY SAVING MY ASS. 330 00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:58,558 - HEY, TAMARA. 331 00:10:58,558 --> 00:11:00,794 I HEAR YOU'RE SAVING A VERY NICE ASS. 332 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:01,795 - WE WERE JUST FINISHING UP. 333 00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:02,996 I'LL GO GET MY STUFF. 334 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,497 - T! 335 00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:06,934 T, WAIT. 336 00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,270 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 337 00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:11,338 - I CAN DO THE MATH. 338 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,606 T MINUS BF EQUALS THIRD WHEEL. 339 00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,542 AND THAT'S SAGIC-- 340 00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:16,910 SADLY TRAGIC. 341 00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:22,549 - LOOKS GREAT. 342 00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:23,550 LOTS TO CELEBRATE. 343 00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:24,651 - LISTEN, 344 00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:25,986 I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BAIL ON T. 345 00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,788 WE SORT OF HAD A GIRLS' NIGHT PLANNED. 346 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:32,359 - THEN HOW ABOUT WE BAG THE CONCERT 347 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,194 AND I TAKE YOU BOTH FOR A QUICK FRO-YO? 348 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,797 - MM. 349 00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,365 HEY, PUT THAT BAG DOWN. 350 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,167 LUKE IS TAKING US OUT FOR FRO-YO 351 00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:41,168 AND THEN DITCHING. 352 00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:42,635 BESTIE FESTIE IS BACK ON. 353 00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:46,406 - TRUTH IS, I DON'T LIKE JAZZ NEARLY AS MUCH 354 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,976 AS I LIKE BEING A GUY WHO SAYS HE LIKES JAZZ. 355 00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:51,211 - THEN LET'S PUT THE CHERRY ON TOP OF YOUR NEW BRAND: 356 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,379 THE BF/GF PHOTO. 357 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,480 CUDDLE UP. 358 00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,785 - I HOPE THIS PLACE IS OKAY. 359 00:11:57,785 --> 00:12:00,220 I MET THE CHEF LAST YEAR IN VEGAS ON NEW YEAR'S EVE, 360 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,122 AND HE'S BEEN HOUNDING ME TO COME BY. 361 00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,390 - YEAH, LOOKS GREAT. 362 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,560 I CAN'T BELIEVE JENNA STILL HASN'T SENT THAT EMAIL. 363 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,797 - I KNOW. WHAT IS UP WITH HER? 364 00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:12,833 BUT FORGET ABOUT THAT NOW. 365 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:14,935 WE ARE CELEBRATING. 366 00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:18,305 OKAY, BIG SMILE. 367 00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:20,240 - HOW ABOUT SOME STRUDEL WHILE WE WAIT? 368 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,241 - YES, SIR. 369 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,810 JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES. 370 00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:24,111 HOW MUCH LONGER? 371 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,013 - SADITA'S SO USED TO HANGING OUT THE WINDOW 372 00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:27,480 SWEET-TALKING ALL THE CUSTOMERS, 373 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,482 SHE ISN'T ANY GOOD AT FIRING UP A SAUSAGE. 374 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,619 - SERGIO, I WILL GRIND YOUR SAUSAGE AND FEED IT TO-- 375 00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:34,354 - HEY, WHOA, WHOA! JUST A SECOND. 376 00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:37,024 - JESUS, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE A FRICKIN' HOT DOG? 377 00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:41,829 - DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU EAT UNDERCOOKED PORK? 378 00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:45,498 BON APPETIT, BUTTHOLE. 379 00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:46,834 - WHAT'S WRONG, MATTY? 380 00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,435 - HARD TO CELEBRATE OUR APPS GOING IN 381 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,170 WHEN MINE AREN'T IN. 382 00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:53,106 I CAN'T BELIEVE JENNA WOULD SCREW ME OVER LIKE THIS. 383 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,375 - IT'S ALMOST LIKE SHE'S TRYING TO SABOTAGE YOU OR SOMETHING. 384 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:56,409 BUT WHY? 385 00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:58,278 I MEAN, SHE'S SO NICE. 386 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,381 I CAN'T EVER BELIEVE SHE WOULD TRY TO HURT YOU ON PURPOSE. 387 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:02,649 WOULD SHE? 388 00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:04,084 - SHE HAS BEFORE. 389 00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:06,686 - WELL, WHATEVER WITH HER. 390 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,555 LOOK! WE ALREADY GOT 20 LIKES. 391 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:12,125 OH, GUESS WE KNOW WHAT JENNA'S SO BUSY WITH RIGHT NOW. 392 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:16,696 - WHAT THE HELL? 393 00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:18,465 JENNA CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO SEND ME MY ESSAY, 394 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,433 BUT SHE HAS TIME FOR YOGURT. 395 00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,302 - GOD, I'M SO SORRY. 396 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,370 - LET'S GET OUT OF HERE, EVA. 397 00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,338 I'M SUDDENLY IN THE MOOD FOR DESSERT. 398 00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:29,376 - DON'T LET ONE PERSON RUIN YOUR NIGHT. 399 00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:30,710 THERE'S STEVIE OVER THERE. 400 00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:31,945 GO ASK HIM WHAT HE DOES. 401 00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:34,147 GUYS LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES. 402 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:37,317 HEY, SURPRISE YOURSELF. 403 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,887 YEAH. YOU GOT IT. GO. 404 00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,557 - SO, STEVIE, 405 00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,659 WHAT'S YOUR OCCUP-- 406 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,328 WHAT DO--WHAT DO YOU-- WHAT DO YOU DO? 407 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,729 - OH, HEY. 408 00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:51,098 HIGH SCHOOL GYM TEACHER. 409 00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:52,532 GETTING PAID TO BE A JOCK. 410 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:53,533 - THAT IS SO COOL. 411 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:54,801 I'M A HIGH SCHOOL COUNSELOR. 412 00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:57,737 GETTING PAID TO BE A COUNSELOR. 413 00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:59,672 THESE ARE ACTUALLY SOME OF MY PEEPS. 414 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,141 YO, SADIE, SMELLS GOOD! 415 00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:02,142 - [bleep] OFF! 416 00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,276 - YOU GOT IT! 417 00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:04,945 JUST LOVE KIDS. 418 00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,114 YOU KNOW, MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL. 419 00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:09,649 - I THOUGHT HIGH SCHOOL KIND OF SUCKED FOR YOU. 420 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:10,717 - YEAH. 421 00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:12,519 YEAH, IT DID, MAYBE A SKOSH, 422 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:15,322 BUT I GOT TO TELL YOU, NOW I LOVE IT. 423 00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:16,623 - THAT'S AWESOME. 424 00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:18,591 HEY, I WAS AFRAID THIS PARTY WOULD BE KIND OF LAME, 425 00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:19,592 SO I GOT A ROOM. 426 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:20,727 - YES. 427 00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,095 - YOU WANT TO SEE IT? - YES. YES, I DO. 428 00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:27,034 OKAY. 429 00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:28,135 - SO JUST TO BE CLEAR, 430 00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:32,305 THIS IS NOT A GOOD PICTURE FOR MY PROFILE. 431 00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:33,773 - DEFINITELY NOT. 432 00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:37,310 - BUT COULD BE LISTED UNDER SPECIAL TALENTS. 433 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:41,114 - SO IS THERE A REASON WHY YOU HAVEN'T SENT ME MY ESSAY? 434 00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,415 - HI TO YOU TOO. 435 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:43,683 I SENT IT HOURS AGO. 436 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:44,751 - REALLY? 437 00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:45,953 I'D LIKE TO GO TO COLLEGE, JENNA. 438 00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:47,020 I WANT MY ESSAY NOW. 439 00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:48,188 - WELL, I'M SORRY, MATTY, 440 00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:49,222 BUT I AM WITH MY BOYFRIEND 441 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,357 AND MY BEST FRIEND. 442 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,259 I WILL SEND IT TO YOU AGAIN WHEN I GET HOME. 443 00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:55,128 - WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO TILL THEN? 444 00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:56,763 - NOT MY PROBLEM. - IT'S OKAY, MATTY. 445 00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,665 WE CAN JUST HANG SOME MORE. I DON'T MIND. 446 00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:00,267 - DO YOU HAVE ANY CLUE HOW SELFISH YOU'RE BEING RIGHT NOW? 447 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:02,235 - OKAY, MAN, THAT'S ENOUGH. SHE'LL SEND IT TO YOU LATER. 448 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,771 - THIS IS AWK-WEIRD. JENNA, WE CAN JUST GO. 449 00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:05,772 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 450 00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:06,974 NO, WE'RE STAYING, 451 00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:08,341 'CAUSE WE ARE HAVING A GREAT TIME. 452 00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:09,709 MATTY, YOU WANT YOUR ESSAY SO BAD? 453 00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:11,178 WHY DON'T YOU GO AND GET IT YOURSELF? 454 00:15:11,178 --> 00:15:12,179 YOU KNOW WHERE THE KEY IS. 455 00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:13,180 - FINE. I WILL. 456 00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,614 THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP, JENNA, 457 00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:15,615 ALL OF IT. 458 00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:16,883 - YOU'RE SO WELCOME, MATTY. 459 00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:23,590 - THIS HAS ONIONS. 460 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:24,992 I ORDERED SAUERKRAUT. 461 00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:27,094 - WHAT, ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT YOUR BREATH? 462 00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:29,796 BECAUSE IN THAT UGLY SWEATER AND THOSE BOGO FRUMP PUMPS, 463 00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:31,164 THE CHANCES OF YOU GETTING ANY TONIGHT 464 00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:33,133 ARE AS DEAD AS THE SOW THAT BRATWURST CAME FROM. 465 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,134 - SADIE! 466 00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:38,271 STOP BEING SUCH A MEAN, NASTY BITCH! 467 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:41,608 [cheers and applause] 468 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,710 PLEASE ACCEPT THIS ON THE HOUSE. 469 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,613 - THANK YOU. 470 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,015 - NICE. 471 00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:49,716 - THANKS. 472 00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,251 STAY IN THE BACK, 473 00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:53,753 AND KEEP THOSE BRATS COMING DOUBLE TIME, SADIE, 474 00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,556 OR JAKE AND I ARE LEAVING. 475 00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,558 - WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? 476 00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:01,128 - I JUST GOT BACK FROM BONE TOWN. 477 00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,329 - YOU DIDN'T! 478 00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:03,830 - NO, I DIDN'T. 479 00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,132 I DON'T THINK I DID. 480 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,633 WAIT. IF HE... 481 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,035 - THAT DOESN'T COUNT. 482 00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:09,636 - OKAY, WHAT IF I... 483 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:10,903 - NOT EVEN A BASE. 484 00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,039 - OH, THANK GOD! 485 00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:13,540 HE WAS SO BORING. 486 00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:16,476 NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE STEVIE I FANTASIZED ABOUT. 487 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,845 HE DIDN'T ASK ME ONE QUESTION ABOUT MYSELF. 488 00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:21,914 IF THAT'S THE KIND OF MAN THAT SUPERMODEL VAL ATTRACTS, 489 00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,916 I'M GOING BACK TO THE REAL VAL. 490 00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:26,653 - FOR THE RECORD, I KIND OF LOVE THE REAL VAL. 491 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,055 - CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING? 492 00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,089 - MM. 493 00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,823 - IT WAS TINY. 494 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,826 HIS P MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN A V. 495 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,928 - YOU HAD SEX WITH MY HUSBAND? 496 00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:39,832 STEVIE! 497 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,635 - ONE MORE REASON NOT TO HAVE DONE THE DIRTY WITH DINKY. 498 00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:43,703 SHOULD WE GET OUT OF HERE? 499 00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:44,871 I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A SCENE. 500 00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:46,073 - AH, THEY'RE NOT COMING BACK. 501 00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:48,175 AND, HONEY, WE ARE THE SCENE. 502 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,812 - HOW NICE THAT YOU CAN GET INTO JENNA'S BEDROOM 503 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:55,915 ANYTIME YOU WANT. 504 00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:58,085 - GOT IT. 505 00:16:58,085 --> 00:16:59,286 LET'S GO. 506 00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:00,287 - NOT SO FAST. 507 00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:01,988 YOU PROMISED ME DESSERT. 508 00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:03,090 - OH. 509 00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:06,093 OH, EVA, STOP. 510 00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:07,194 NOT HERE. 511 00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:09,696 THIS IS-- THIS IS WEIRD. 512 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:10,763 - I'M SORRY. 513 00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,399 I'M SUCH AN IDIOT. 514 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:13,800 I JUST-- 515 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,336 I CAN'T STOP FEELING LIKE I'M COMPETING WITH HER. 516 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:17,804 - YOU ARE SO NOT. 517 00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,906 - BUT YOU KNOW WHERE SHE HIDES HER KEY, 518 00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:22,542 AND YOU HAVE, LIKE, ALL OF HER TEXTS IN YOUR PHONE-- 519 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,111 - YOU SAW ALL OF OUR TEXTS? 520 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,912 - I'M SORRY. I JUST-- 521 00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:27,180 I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE. 522 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:29,349 AND THEY GO BACK A LONG TIME. 523 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:30,783 - WELL, THEY GO BACK TO THE PAST. 524 00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:33,820 AND THE PAST, WELL... 525 00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:40,160 IT'S NOW OFFICIALLY THE PAST. 526 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,362 - YOU ERASED ALL OF THEM? 527 00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:43,363 FOR ME? 528 00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,598 - JENNA-- 529 00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:46,999 JENNA'S DELETED. 530 00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:55,007 - OH, SHOOT. 531 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,008 I LEFT MY PHONE. 532 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,144 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 533 00:17:57,144 --> 00:18:00,147 [Gold & Youth's Time to Kill] 534 00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:04,217 * 535 00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:06,986 - * POISONED, HOLLOW TOWNIES 536 00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:08,155 - GOT IT. 537 00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:11,724 - * WALLOW ON THE CORNER 538 00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:15,595 * TAKE THE POWER LINES BACK HOME * 539 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,930 - YOU KNOW, IT WAS REALLY COOL WHAT YOU DID BACK THERE. 540 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,500 I'M SO USED TO SADIE BOSSING YOU AROUND. 541 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,269 - I LOVE ORDERING SADIE AROUND. 542 00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:24,171 [both laugh] 543 00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:25,438 YOU'VE CHANGED TOO, JAKE. 544 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,640 TAMARA USED TO YANK YOU AROUND, 545 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,509 BUT NOW YOU'RE JUST... 546 00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:30,510 MORE YOU. 547 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:34,181 - CHANGE IS A GOOD THING. 548 00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:37,750 THERE MIGHT BE MORE TO COME. 549 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,552 - WE DID IT WITHOUT SPEAKING, 550 00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,621 EACH KNOWING THAT THE SIMPLE ACT OF HITTING "SEND" 551 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,324 WOULD PROBABLY BE THE END OF JENARA COLLEGE ROOMIES-- 552 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,193 NO FRESHMAN DORM BESTIE FESTIES, 553 00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:48,060 SORORITY KIDNAPS, FOOTBALL TAILGATES, 554 00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:50,863 OR COLLEGE GRADUATION PARTIES FOUR YEARS FROM NOW. 555 00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,365 WE WERE BOTH HAPPY AND SAD 556 00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,801 AND DID WHAT WE ALWAYS DID IN THAT SITUATION-- 557 00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:55,802 PUT ON A SAD MOVIE. 558 00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:56,936 UGH, I FEEL LIKE A SHOWER 559 00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:58,705 JUST KNOWING MATTY AND EVA WERE IN HERE. 560 00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:01,274 - IT WAS REALLY COOL OF LUKE TO INCLUDE ME TONIGHT. 561 00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:02,975 - THAT'S THE WAY IT'LL ALWAYS BE. 562 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,811 NO MATTER WHERE WE GO OR WHO WE DATE, 563 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,613 WE WILL ALWAYS MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER. 564 00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:08,014 - [sighs] 565 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:09,449 - DON'T CRY. IF YOU CRY, I'LL CRY. 566 00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:10,717 - SORRY, I ALWAYS CRY 567 00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:12,952 AT THE OPENING CREDITS OF THE NOTEBOOK. 568 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,122 EW! 569 00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:17,324 SKANKY JANK! 570 00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:18,925 I'VE SEEN ENOUGH OF YOUR DIRTY LAUNDRY. 571 00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:21,561 I DON'T NEED TO SLEEP WITH IT. 572 00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:23,796 - NOT MINE. 573 00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:27,234 EVA'S? 574 00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:29,636 - O-M-DOUBLE-EFFING-G, 575 00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:32,939 SHE DID NOT-- HE DID NOT-- 576 00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:33,973 OR DID THEY, 577 00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,375 IN YOUR BED? 578 00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,913 - JENNA HAMILTON PERSONAL STATEMENT: 579 00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:43,350 WHEN I STARTED HIGH SCHOOL, I WAS INVISIBLE. 580 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:45,752 IT WAS EASIER THAT WAY, NOT TO BE NOTICED. 581 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,086 WHEN I WAS NOTICED, 582 00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:49,389 IT WASN'T FOR THE THINGS I WANTED TO BE NOTICED FOR. 583 00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:51,391 FELT LIKE MY DESTINY WASN'T MY OWN. 584 00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:53,260 BUT THAT GIRL'S ABOUT TO GRADUATE. 585 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:55,428 SHE'S FOUND HER VOICE AND IS READY TO USE IT. 586 00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:56,963 - HEY, GIRLFRIEND. 587 00:19:56,963 --> 00:20:00,500 - HEY, YOU LEFT SOMETHING IN MY BED LAST NIGHT, 588 00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:03,002 GIRLFRIEND. 589 00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:04,237 - HOW EMBARRASSING. 590 00:20:04,237 --> 00:20:06,205 I'M SO SORRY. 591 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,941 - NO BIGGIE. 592 00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,910 - JENNA, I REALLY AM SORRY. 593 00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:13,179 I NEVER MEANT FOR THINGS TO GO THAT FAR. 594 00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:14,414 IT'S JUST, MATTY, 595 00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:16,849 YOU KNOW HOW HE IS WHEN HE'S, YOU KNOW... 596 00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:21,254 - HERE'S THE DEAL, EVA. 597 00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:23,390 THINGS AREN'T GREAT BETWEEN MATTY AND I RIGHT NOW. 598 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:24,824 BUT I KNOW MATTY MCKIBBEN, 599 00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:26,726 AND HE WOULD NEVER [bleep] YOU IN MY BED. 600 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,728 SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF GAME THIS IS YOU'RE PLAYING, 601 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:29,729 BUT COUNT ME OUT. 602 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:33,400 BUT, HEY, NICE TRY. 603 00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:39,005 - I GOT NOTHING, HAMILTON. 604 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:46,779 - NEXT, ON AWKWARD... 605 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,448 THE SENIOR SKI TRIP WAS LEGENDARY. 606 00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:49,449 - HEY. - OH, MY GOD-- 607 00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,384 [yelps, gasps] 608 00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:56,456 - JENNA, DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH EVA? 609 00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:57,690 - I DIDN'T DRIVE TWO HOURS 610 00:20:57,690 --> 00:21:00,159 TO WATCH SOME PSYCHODRAMA WITH YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND. 611 00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:02,362 - I'M A FRIEND OF EMMA MANSFIELD. 612 00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:03,830 - I'M EMMA MANSFIELD. 42443

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