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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:10,311 - PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD: 2 00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:11,312 - ON OUR RIGHT, WE HAVE THE ENGLISH DEPARTMENT. 3 00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:12,613 - DO YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE? 4 00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:13,747 - WE'VE BEEN TEXTING EACH OTHER EVERY DAY. 5 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,283 SHE'S REALLY COOL. 6 00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:16,450 - IT'S JUST A LITTLE CATFISHING. 7 00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:18,286 IT'S TOTALLY NO BIG DEAL. 8 00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:19,620 - I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, BUT I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN 9 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:20,621 AVOIDING ME, AND I'M JUST WONDERING WHY. 10 00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:21,555 - I'M ADOPTED! 11 00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:27,928 - IN THE THREE WEEKS SINCE MY COLLEGE OVERNIGHT, 12 00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:29,897 MY ONE-NIGHT STAND HAD BLOSSOMED INTO 13 00:00:29,897 --> 00:00:31,865 THREE WEEKENDS OF AWESOME. 14 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:32,933 LUKE WAS PERFECT. 15 00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:34,635 HE WAS AN ADULT. 16 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:37,371 I LIKED THE PERSON I BECAME WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER. 17 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,441 I WAS JENNA 2.0, A BETTER, MORE EVOLVED VERSION 18 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:41,642 OF THE GIRL I'D BEEN... 19 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:44,345 [mooing cow ringtone] 20 00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:45,846 ALMOST. 21 00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:47,315 - HEY, A COUPLE OF MY FRIENDS ARE PLANNING A ROAD TRIP 22 00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:48,682 TO SEE ARCTIC MONKEYS IN NOVEMBER. 23 00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:49,683 YOU WANT IN? 24 00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:53,554 [cow mooing] 25 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,323 RIGHT. PARENTS. 26 00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:57,391 I KEEP FORGETTING YOU DON'T ACTUALLY GO HERE. 27 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,360 I'M GUESSING ARCTIC MONKEYS ARE A NO GO. 28 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:00,428 - WHAT? WHY? 29 00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:01,929 I LOVE THE ARCTIC MONKEYS. 30 00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:04,265 - YOUR PARENTS WOULD SERIOUSLY LET YOU DRIVE TO ARIZONA 31 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:05,833 WITH FOUR COLLEGE GUYS IN A VAN? 32 00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:07,735 - MY PARENTS ARE SUPER LAID BACK. 33 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,803 THEY DON'T EVEN LIKE ME TO CALL THEM MOM AND DAD. 34 00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:12,140 THEY TREAT ME MORE LIKE A BEST FRIEND THAN A CHILD. 35 00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:14,175 - WELL, I'LL COUNT YOU IN. 36 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:19,547 [phone ringing] 37 00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,716 HELLO. 38 00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:24,885 WHO IS THIS? 39 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:27,221 OH. HI. 40 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:30,291 YEAH, SURE. 41 00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:33,227 - JENNA, IT'S DAD. 42 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:34,795 - HEY, KEV. 43 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,230 HOW'D YOU GET LUKE'S NUMBER? 44 00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:37,731 - I CALLED THE DORM AND THREATENED TO HAVE HIM 45 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,700 ARRESTED FOR KIDNAPPING IF THEY DIDN'T HAND IT OVER. 46 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,169 - WHAT? ARE YOU INSANE? 47 00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:43,504 - NO, I'M A PARENT, AND YOU'RE A CHILD, 48 00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:45,573 ONE WHO IS 45 MINUTES PAST HER CURFEW. 49 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:47,841 GET HOME NOW. 50 00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:51,245 OH, AND JENNA, ONE MORE THING: PLAN ON A LONG NIGHT. 51 00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,647 YOUR ROOM'S A REAL PIGSTY. 52 00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:55,048 [typing] 53 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:57,251 boom! 54 00:01:57,251 --> 00:02:00,254 [cheering] 55 00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:04,192 - DATING A COLLEGE GUY MADE IT HARDER 56 00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:05,793 TO GET INTO HIGH SCHOOL STUFF, 57 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,795 SOME OF WHICH I HATED IN THE FIRST PLACE, 58 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,863 LIKE BEING CHEER BITCH, BUT SADLY, 59 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,265 WHILE MY HEART WAS IN COLLEGE, 60 00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:13,201 MY HEAD WAS STUCK IN HIGH SCHOOL, 61 00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:15,203 AND MY FACE WAS TARGET PRACTICE. 62 00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:16,604 [cheering] 63 00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:17,605 - COME ON, MATTY! 64 00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:21,008 NO GUTS, NO GLORY, SON! 65 00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:23,110 LET'S GO! 66 00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:24,778 - DUDE, THE MARYLAND SCOUT'S WATCHING YOU LIKE A HAWK. 67 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,247 THAT LAST GOAL WAS INSANE, MAN. 68 00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:28,649 - NO PRESSURE, NO DIAMONDS. - OKAY! 69 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,751 - OUR SON SET THE RECORD FOR MOST SHOTS ON GOAL 70 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:31,752 HIS SOPHOMORE YEAR. 71 00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:33,321 - YEP, YOU TOLD ME THAT. 72 00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:35,223 WE'VE ONLY GOT FIVE SPOTS ON OUR FALL ROSTER, 73 00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:36,590 BUT HE'S DEFINITELY A STRONG CANDIDATE. 74 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,626 - ALL RIGHT, HE'S A MCKIBBEN! 75 00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:40,761 - SO ARE THEY BACK TOGETHER OR WHAT? 76 00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,563 - NO, THEY HATE EACH OTHER, BUT THEY HAVE TO PUT ON 77 00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:44,865 A UNITED FRONT BECAUSE THEY'RE MCKIBBENS. 78 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:45,933 - ALL RIGHT, MATTY! 79 00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:46,934 MAKE US PROUD! 80 00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,135 [whistle blows] 81 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:52,072 [cheering] 82 00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:53,607 - COME ON, MATTY! 83 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,743 COME ON! 84 00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:57,245 GO, GO, GO! 85 00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:59,112 - AW! 86 00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:01,048 - DAMN IT! 87 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,119 - GO, GO, GO! 88 00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:07,921 GET IN THERE AND DO YOUR JOB! 89 00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,690 THE MR. P.H.H.S. PAGEANT IS IN FIVE DAYS, 90 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,091 AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T PRINTED THE PROGRAM, 91 00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:12,092 FINALIZED THE SETS, OR TALKED LIGHTING 92 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,927 WITH THEO AND COLE. 93 00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:16,264 I NEED RAGE MANAGEMENT TO COPE WITH YOUR STAGE MANAGEMENT. 94 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:18,966 - T, IT'S A FAKE MALE BEAUTY PAGEANT, NOT BROADWAY. 95 00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,268 RELAX. I'M ON IT. 96 00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:22,670 - THE ONLY THING YOU'RE ON IS CLOUD 69. 97 00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:25,339 NEED I REMIND YOU THAT THIS IS A MAJOR APPLICATION 98 00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:26,340 AUGMENTATION FOR YOU? 99 00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:27,341 [bell rings] 100 00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:29,076 - WHAT WAS THAT? - WHAT WAS WHAT? 101 00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:30,378 I SHOULD GO CHANGE. 102 00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:33,281 YOU KNOW HOW SWEATS MAKE ME SWEAT. 103 00:03:33,281 --> 00:03:34,982 - YOU SAID YOU WERE DONE CATFISHING. 104 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,116 - I AM! 105 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,184 ALMOST. 106 00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:38,419 IT'S JUST... 107 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,653 JAKE BOOTY-TEXTED ME. 108 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,855 TAMARA-ME, NOT AUTUMN-ME. 109 00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:43,724 WELL, TECHNICALLY, HE BOOTY-TEXTED BOTH OF US, 110 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,726 BUT THE POINT IS, JAKARA IS BACK ON TRACK 111 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,328 TO BEING THE P.H.H.S.P.C. AGAIN. 112 00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:48,762 THE P.H.H.S. POWER COUPLE. 113 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,331 - PAUSE. REWIND. 114 00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:51,632 ARE YOU SAYING YOU WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH JAKE? 115 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,000 - NO! 116 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,702 YES? MAYBE. 117 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,904 - SO DITCH THE ONLINE PERSONA AND TELL HIM THE TRUTH. 118 00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,739 - I WILL. 119 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,708 AS SOON AS AUTUMN CONVINCES JAKE THAT TAMARA HAS HIS HEART 120 00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:03,877 THIS CATFISH IS FRIED. 121 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:05,746 - THAT WAS A TOUGH GAME. 122 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,981 - I CAN'T BELIEVE THE SCOUT BAILED BEFORE HALFTIME, MAN. 123 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:09,317 WHAT ARE YOU SO HAPPY ABOUT? 124 00:04:09,317 --> 00:04:10,984 - AUTUMN. 125 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,720 THINGS ARE GETTING INTENSE. I'M REALLY INTO HER. 126 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,355 - YOU'VE NEVER EVEN MET HER! 127 00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,457 SHE'S PROBABLY A 45-YEAR-OLD SEX OFFENDER NAMED RALPH. 128 00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:19,059 - NO WAY. YOU CAN'T FAKE THAT BODY. 129 00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:22,796 IF SHE WANTS YOU TO WIRE MONEY TO HER NIGERIAN UNCLE, BAIL. 130 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:25,766 - MOMMY, DID YOU SEE MY BASKET CATCH? 131 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,034 - HUMILITY, LISSA. 132 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:28,836 OH, LOOK AT THE TIME! 133 00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:30,838 TYLER AND I HAVE A MILLION THINGS TO DO: 134 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,039 BIBLE STUDY, 135 00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,907 SHOPPING FOR MR. P.H.H.S. CLOTHES-- 136 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:36,410 SO SADIE CAN TAKE YOU HOME, RIGHT? 137 00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:39,112 - I DON'T HAVE A CAR, AND MY GUARDIAN IS A SKANKAHOLIC 138 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,881 WITH A PRESCRIPTION PILL PROBLEM. 139 00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,383 - OKAY, GREAT. THANKS, HON. 140 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:43,884 - BYE, SIS. THANKS FOR THE CHEER. 141 00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:46,119 - BYE, BABIES. 142 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,355 - GET OVER IT, LISSA. 143 00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:49,122 THE BASKET CATCH WASN'T THAT GOOD. 144 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,024 - IT'S NOT THAT. 145 00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:54,061 EVER SINCE WE ADOPTED TYLER, HE'S ALL MY MOM CARES ABOUT. 146 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:56,229 NOW EVERYTHING'S ALL ABOUT MR. P.H.H.S. 147 00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:57,998 JUST BECAUSE TYLER'S IN IT. 148 00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:00,901 MAYBE I SHOULD COMPETE SO SHE REMEMBERS I'M ALIVE. 149 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:03,136 - ARE YOU TOO BUSY WITH CHEER CAPTAIN 150 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,373 TO STUDY YOUR S.A.T. WORDS, LISSA? 151 00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:09,377 "MISTER" MEANS PEOPLE WITH PENISES. 152 00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:12,446 - BUT I'M THE ONE WITH PAGEANT EXPERIENCE. 153 00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:14,382 [gasps] I COULD COACH TYLER! 154 00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:16,817 - MR. P.H.H.S. ISN'T A REAL BEAUTY PAGEANT. 155 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,251 IT'S A POPULARITY CONTEST. 156 00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:21,922 BRIAN WOODS WON LAST YEAR FOR SHOTGUNNING A SODA. 157 00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,891 I COULD TAKE ANY LOSER IN THIS SCHOOL, 158 00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:26,059 AND BEAT YOU AND MUFASA. 159 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:29,563 - I TOLD YOU, WE CALL HIM TYLER, AND YOU COULD NOT! 160 00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:32,199 WINNING ANY PAGEANT TAKES WAY MORE THAN POPULARITY. 161 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:33,501 - WANT TO BET? 162 00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:35,636 LOSER GIVES UP 40 BUCKS, PLUS THEIR HONOR, 163 00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:36,737 DIGNITY, AND SELF-ESTEEM. 164 00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,105 GO AHEAD. 165 00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:41,074 PICK ANY GUY. 166 00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:47,448 - HIM! 167 00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:52,453 - OH! - GO AHEAD. 168 00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,455 - AFTER YOU. 169 00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:57,425 UH, HAVE YOU PICKED A TALENT FOR MR. P.H.H.S. YET? 170 00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:59,593 - WELL, WE KNOW IT'S NOT SOCCER. 171 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,695 - YEAH, YOUR PARENTS SEEMED PRETTY INTENSE. 172 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,597 - YEAH, THAT'S ONE WORD FOR IT. 173 00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,966 SO I HEAR YOU'RE INTO OLDER GUYS NOW. 174 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,234 - WHAT? NO! 175 00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:08,936 - IT'S COOL, IF YOU'RE HAPPY. 176 00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:10,103 WE'RE GONNA BE IN COLLEGE SOON. 177 00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,039 YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET A JUMP ON IT. 178 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,308 [beeping] 179 00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:17,010 [line ringing] 180 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,145 - HEY. 181 00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:20,147 - HEY. WHY IS CAMPUS SO FAR? 182 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,450 I'M HAVING SEVERE SEPARATION ANXIETY. 183 00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:25,218 - ME, TOO, AND I'M LIVING OFF FIVE-DOLLAR FOOT-LONGS. 184 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,954 IT SAVES ME A TON OF CASH, 185 00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:27,988 WHICH IS GOING RIGHT INTO THE GAS FUND, 186 00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,490 SO I CAN COME SEE YOU. 187 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,459 SPEAKING OF WHICH, SATURDAY IS GOING TO BE AWESOME. 188 00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:33,594 SNUGGLE DOWN WITH SOME COCOA AND WATCH EVIL DEAD. 189 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:34,662 - I CAN'T. 190 00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:35,663 I'M STUCK IN P.V. THIS WEEKEND, 191 00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:37,230 STAGE MANAGING A PLAY. 192 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,566 - WELL, I'LL COME DOWN, SEE YOU IN ACTION. 193 00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,901 - THUS FAR, ALL OF THE ACTION BETWEEN US 194 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,303 HAD TAKEN PLACE IN THE PRIVACY OF LUKE'S DORM ROOM. 195 00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:46,540 OUR RELATIONSHIP EXISTED IN TOTALLY SEPARATE WORLDS, 196 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,108 AND I LIKED IT THAT WAY. 197 00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,744 - IT'S JUST SOME STUPID HIGH SCHOOL THING. 198 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,480 SO NOT WORTH THE DRIVE. 199 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:53,847 - WELL, THEN I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO COME UP WITH WAYS 200 00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,517 TO MAKE THE DISTANCE LESS PAINFUL. 201 00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:57,618 - SWEETIE? 202 00:06:57,618 --> 00:06:58,919 - WOW! 203 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,488 I HAD NO IDEA IT TOOK 12 YEARS TO PAINT 204 00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:01,755 THE MONA LISA'S SMILE. 205 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:02,790 NEAT! 206 00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:04,892 - IS THAT LUKE? HI, LUKE! 207 00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,226 - BYE! HE HAS TO STUDY. 208 00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:07,595 - WE WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 209 00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:09,129 ARE YOU COMING TO JENNA'S PAGEANT? 210 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,297 - MOM! - PAGEANT? 211 00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:12,132 - MR. P.H.H.S. 212 00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:15,302 IT'S THIS GOOFY LITTLE PAGEANT FOR THE SENIOR BOYS. 213 00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:17,538 JENNA'S DAD WAS MR. P.H.H.S. 214 00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:18,806 - AH, I SEE. 215 00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:20,508 - IT'S LAME. - I'D LOVE TO COME. 216 00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:21,675 - GREAT! 217 00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,143 COME BY, AND WE'LL ALL GO TOGETHER. 218 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:24,411 - NO, NO, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO. 219 00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:25,546 IT'S--REALLY-- - SOUNDS AWESOME. 220 00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:26,714 - YAY! 221 00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:28,248 WE'LL SEE YOU ON SATURDAY, LUKE. 222 00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:29,750 - MY RELATIONSHIP WITH LUKE MAY HAVE EXISTED 223 00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:32,119 IN A SEPARATE WORLD, BUT APPARENTLY 224 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,420 THE PLANETS WERE ABOUT TO COLLIDE. 225 00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:39,593 - SAN DIEGO IS SO FAR AWAY FROM AUSTRALIA. 226 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,529 I GET SO LONELY. 227 00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:42,696 - AW... 228 00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:45,566 WELL, SAN DIEGO IS CLOSE TO PALOS VERDES. 229 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:49,069 SO CLOSE IT'S--CLOSE. 230 00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,671 YOU KNOW, 231 00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,706 I FEEL LIKE I CAN TELL YOU ANYTHING, AUTUMN. 232 00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:54,441 - OH, ME, TOO. 233 00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:56,644 OY, THAT'S MY OLDIES CALLING FROM THE OUTBACK. 234 00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:57,678 BYE, SCHMOOPS! 235 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,112 - BYE, BOOPS. 236 00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:02,883 [bell rings] - O.M.G. 237 00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:05,853 JAKE JUST INVITED AUTUMN TO WATCH HIM IN MR. P.H.H.S. 238 00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:06,920 - GREAT. 239 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:07,921 WHEN AUTUMN DOESN'T SHOW UP, 240 00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,590 JAKE CAN FINALLY MOVE ON, 241 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,559 AND YOU CAN GO BACK TO ACTING LIKE A SANE PERSON. 242 00:08:11,559 --> 00:08:12,793 WELL, SANE FOR YOU. 243 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,862 - AUTUMN WOULD NEVER FLAKE ON JAKE. 244 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:17,030 SHE'LL SHOW, BUT HAVE AN UNFORTCH DITCH-SITCH 245 00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,566 DUE TO A BAD SHRIMP TACO, 246 00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:20,000 AND INSTEAD OF BEING ALL "HEY, HUNK-SHOW," 247 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,468 SHE'LL BE ALL, "HEY, CHUNK-SHOW," 248 00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:23,036 AND SHE'LL MISS THE WHOLE ENCHILADA. 249 00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:29,777 - IT'S LUMPY, HAIRY, MISSHAPEN. 250 00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:31,845 I JUST WANT TO BIOPSY THE ENTIRE THING 251 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,581 AND THROW IT IN A BIOHAZARD BIN. 252 00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:34,582 - NO. 253 00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:37,150 I CAN WORK WITH THIS. 254 00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:38,586 DROP TROU. 255 00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,053 - SAVE ME. 256 00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:41,955 - OH, I WON'T EVER GET IN THE WAY OF MY WOMAN 257 00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,490 WHEN SHE'S TRYING TO WIN A BET. 258 00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,593 - YOU'RE A SMART MAN, AUSTIN. 259 00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:46,827 - [screams] 260 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,964 - YOUR POSTURE'S OKAY, BUT YOU NEED MORE GLIDE, 261 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,499 AND YOU STILL NEED A TALENT. 262 00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,668 WHAT CAN YOU DO BESIDES LIVE ON A DOLLAR A DAY? 263 00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:55,903 - I WAS THE CHANCELLOR OF THE DEBATE TEAM 264 00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:57,137 AT MY BOARDING SCHOOL. 265 00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,640 - HAVE YOU EVER SEEN DIRTY DANCING? 266 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,875 - PAGEANT PREP WAS IN HIGH GEAR, 267 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,612 AND ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS HOW THIS WOULD LOOK TO LUKE, 268 00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:06,614 LIKE A HIGH SCHOOL FREAK SHOW. 269 00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:09,049 WOULD HE EVER BE ABLE TO SEE ME AS A SOPHISTICATED, 270 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,651 SEXY GIRL AGAIN? 271 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:11,785 - HANG TIGHT, GENTS. 272 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,621 L-DOG, A-TRAIN, 273 00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:15,623 THANK YOU FOR VOLUNTEERING TO DECORATE. 274 00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,925 THOSE UPTIGHT P.T.A. MOMS BAILED WHEN I REFUSED 275 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:19,760 TO BAN THE SWIMSUIT COMPETITION. 276 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,830 ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO GO GET THIS SOUL TRAIN BACK ON TRACK. 277 00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:26,133 RETURN TO FORMATION, BOYS! 278 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:28,535 - YOU WERE MR. P.H.H.S. 279 00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:29,536 GO HELP. 280 00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:30,638 - WHAT? 281 00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:32,205 THAT WAS 17 YEARS AGO. 282 00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:35,776 HOW COULD I POSSIBLY REMEMBER A SILLY DANCE ROUTINE? 283 00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:37,177 RIGHT. 284 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,179 - HOT COALS, HOT COALS-- 285 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,649 - MIND IF I GIVE IT A SHOT? 286 00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,784 - FINE, BE MY GUEST. 287 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,719 THESE BOYS HAVE NO BUMP IN THEIR GRINDS. 288 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,220 - ALL RIGHT. LET'S DO THIS. 289 00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:49,189 MUSIC! 290 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:52,192 [hip hop music playing] 291 00:09:52,192 --> 00:10:01,001 * 292 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,670 - [cheers] 293 00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:03,937 - ALL RIGHT, NOW LET'S TURN UP THE HEAT 294 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:07,107 AND SHOW THEM SOME SIZZLING STEAK! 295 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,876 - [cheers] NOT BAD. 296 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,512 - HEY. 297 00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,014 SORRY TO BUG, BUT HAVE YOU PICKED A TALENT? 298 00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,783 - YEAH, I WAS THINKING MAYBE STAND-UP. 299 00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:18,652 IF IT TANKS, I CAN ALWAYS FALL BACK ON MY MAGIC MIKE STUFF. 300 00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:19,953 - STAND-UP? 301 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,789 THAT'S MORE DARING THAN STRIPPING. 302 00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,023 CAN'T WAIT. 303 00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,626 - WHY ARE YOU DOING STAND-UP? 304 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,161 YOU'RE AN ATHLETE, NOT A PERFORMER. 305 00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:29,763 YOU'RE GOING TO EMBARRASS YOURSELF. 306 00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:32,800 - MOM, THIS WHOLE MR. P.H.H.S. THING IS A JOKE, 307 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:33,801 I'M NOT TRYING TO WIN. 308 00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,035 - THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING IT? 309 00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:36,569 - WHY ARE YOU SO WORRIED ABOUT WHAT I'M DOING? 310 00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,505 - BECAUSE I'M YOUR MOTHER. 311 00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:42,042 - YEAH. 312 00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:44,077 - LUKE WAS DUE TO ARRIVE ANY MINUTE, 313 00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,679 BUT I HAD A FOOLPROOF PLAN: 314 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:46,947 HUSTLE MY PARENTS OUT THE DOOR 315 00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:48,849 AND INSIST ON TAKING SEPARATE CARS. 316 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:50,884 WHAT COULD GO WRONG? 317 00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,085 - DAMN, LIL' BITCH. 318 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,822 YOU LOOK LIKE A SISTER WIFE. 319 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,456 [chuckles] 320 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,091 - MOM, WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE? 321 00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,192 - CARPOOLING WITH US. 322 00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,528 YOU KNOW SHE CAN'T DRIVE AFTER 4:00 P.M. 323 00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:02,863 - HEY. 324 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,264 - OH! 325 00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,066 - WHAT ARE YOU WEARING, DAD? - WHAT? 326 00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:07,200 - HONEY, TAKE IT OFF. 327 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,201 YOU'RE GONNA EMBARRASS JENNA. 328 00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:09,236 - IT'S TOO LATE. 329 00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:10,537 - I'M NOT TAKING THIS OFF. 330 00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:11,538 - I THINK YOU'RE GONNA TAKE IT OFF. 331 00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:14,141 - NO, I'M NOT. - HUH? 332 00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:15,876 - [laughter] 333 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,144 - OH! 334 00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:18,912 HEY, LUKE. WELCOME. 335 00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,480 - HELLO, SIR. 336 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,249 - LUKE HAD COME TO MEET THE ADULTS IN MY LIFE. 337 00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:24,885 UNFORTUNATELY, I WAS SURROUNDED BY CHILDREN. 338 00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:50,410 - WELCOME TO THE 28TH ANNUAL MR. P.H.H.S. PAGEANT! 339 00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:51,879 [cheers and applause] 340 00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:54,181 - I'M YOUR M.C., TAMARA KAPLAN. 341 00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:55,983 I HOPE THERE'S A DENTIST IN THE HOUSE, 342 00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:59,086 BECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO MEET SOME MAJOR MAN CANDY! 343 00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,054 [cheers and applause] 344 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,223 [hip hop music] 345 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:11,999 * 346 00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:24,912 [cheers and applause] 347 00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:30,217 - KYLE, MESS THIS UP AND I WILL MAKE SURE THAT 348 00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:31,985 YOU NEVER POP THAT PATHETIC MAN-CHERRY, 349 00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:34,354 EVEN WHEN YOU'RE 45 AND SOME CRAZY CAT LADY 350 00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,556 IS FEELING HORNY, SAD, AND DESPERATE. 351 00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:38,826 - DID SOMEONE CALL ME? 352 00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:42,495 - OUR FIRST CONTESTANT IN FORMAL WEAR IS KYLE COHEN. 353 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:45,265 KYLE HAS A PASSION FOR STAYING INDOORS, 354 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:48,201 TWEEZERS, AND SMELLING DEAD THINGS. 355 00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,403 [cheers and applause] 356 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:53,406 [hip hop music] 357 00:12:53,406 --> 00:13:00,013 * 358 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,514 - WOO-HOO! HOTTIE! 359 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,183 - SHOW US SOME SKIN! 360 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,684 [laughing] 361 00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:07,620 [applause] 362 00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:12,092 - TAME DOWN YOUR SIMON COWLICKS BECAUSE WE'VE GOT 363 00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:14,327 YOUR P.H.H.S. IDOLS. 364 00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,529 NEXT UP IS OUR TALENT COMPETITION. 365 00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:19,766 [applause] 366 00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:22,769 [pop music playing] 367 00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:30,710 * 368 00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:39,719 [upbeat pop music] 369 00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:41,421 - * YOU'RE SO CUTE I WANT TO WEAR YOU LIKE A SUIT * 370 00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:44,757 * I THINK YOU'D LOOK PRETTY GOOD ON ME * 371 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:49,462 * YOU DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE, RIGHT * 372 00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:51,264 * I WANT TO DRAPE YOU ACROSS MY SHOULDERS * 373 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,233 * WANT YOU CLOSE TO THE BONE 374 00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:56,403 [cheers and applause] 375 00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,771 [pop music] 376 00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:03,376 - * LISTEN FOR ME 377 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:07,547 * I'M FALLING FOR AUTUMN * 378 00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:11,551 * AND I CANNOT MISS A SINGLE DAY * 379 00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:15,122 * OF AUTUMN 380 00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:19,359 [cheers and applause] 381 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,660 - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 382 00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:23,296 NEXT UP, CHARLES TUCKER JUGGLES. 383 00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:24,831 [applause] 384 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:28,601 - HELLO? 385 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:29,802 - HEY, AUTUMN, DID YOU HEAR MY SONG? 386 00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:31,571 - I LOVED IT. 387 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:35,508 I'D COME CONGRATULATE YOU, BUT I'M NOT FEELING VERY WELL. 388 00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,244 JAKE, COULD YOU HOLD ON A SEC? 389 00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:38,611 WHAT? 390 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,147 - I HAVE TO GO DEAL WITH A SELF-TANNER ACCIDENT 391 00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:41,214 IN THE DRESSING ROOM. 392 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,382 PLEASE TELL THEO NO MORE STROBE! 393 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:45,385 [electronic dance music] 394 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,619 * 395 00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:47,820 - GOT IT. NO MORE STROBE. 396 00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:50,123 - AUTUMN? 397 00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:53,226 - JAKE, COULD YOU HOLD ON JUST A TIC? 398 00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,128 THEO, KILL THE STROBE! 399 00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:56,696 THE WHOLE CROWD'S GONNA HAVE A SEIZURE. 400 00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,331 - REALLY? PROMISE? 401 00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,500 - TAMARA? 402 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:05,338 - SORRY, THERE'S A LOUD GINGER AT THE SINK NEXT TO ME. 403 00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,874 - IT'S YOU. 404 00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:11,478 - JAKE, NO! 405 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:12,479 [applause] 406 00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:14,381 - HELLO, EVERYONE. 407 00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:17,717 I AM YOUR M.C., GLAMOUR. 408 00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,486 ALL RIGHT, MOVING RIGHT ALONG, 409 00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:21,888 DOING SOME RAUCOUS STAND-UP, 410 00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:24,724 MATTY MCK-K-KIBBEN! 411 00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:28,228 [cheers and applause] 412 00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:29,296 - HEY, FOLKS! 413 00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:30,863 I AM MATTY MCKIBBEN. 414 00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:32,565 THANK YOU. 415 00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:35,835 AS A SENIOR, I'M APPROACHING MY COLLEGE APPS 416 00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:37,470 THE SAME WAY I APPROACH A FIRST DATE: 417 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,006 I PUT ON A NICE SHIRT, 418 00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:41,641 I TALK ABOUT HOW AWESOME I AM, 419 00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:44,577 AND I DROP 80 BUCKS JUST TO GET BRUTALLY REJECTED. 420 00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:48,248 [laughter] 421 00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:51,184 - JAKE, WAIT! 422 00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:52,185 - MOVE. 423 00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:53,286 - JAKE, JUST LET ME EXPLAIN. 424 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,521 - WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY SAY, 425 00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:55,855 OTHER THAN YOU'RE TOTALLY INSANE? 426 00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:57,624 - YOU SAID YOU COULD SAY ANYTHING TO ME. 427 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,159 YOU SAID YOU'VE NEVER FELT SO CLOSE TO ANYONE. 428 00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:00,627 - I SAID THAT STUFF TO AUTUMN! 429 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,529 - AND I'M AUTUMN! 430 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:06,266 - DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANT WHEN I DUMPED YOU? 431 00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,468 IT'S OVER, TAMARA. 432 00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:13,906 - YEAH, TURNING 18, 433 00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:16,876 IT COMES WITH A LOT OF RESPONSIBILITY, IT DOES. 434 00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:19,646 IT IS NOW OUR CIVIC DUTY TO VOTE, 435 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,314 FIGHT FOR OUR COUNTRY, 436 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,050 DOWNLOAD PORN WITHOUT FAKING OUR DATE OF BIRTH. 437 00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:25,752 [laughter] 438 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:28,621 - OH, HEY, MOM? 439 00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:29,789 WHAT? 440 00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,858 YOU DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS FUNNY? 441 00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:32,859 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT IS FUNNY? 442 00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,527 HUH? 443 00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:38,498 BEING TOLD YOUR WHOLE LIFE TO ACT LIKE A MCKIBBEN, 444 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,501 AND THEN FINDING OUT YOU'RE NOT ONE! 445 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,936 WHOO! 446 00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:47,607 MY PARENTS MADE ME WONDER FOR 18 YEARS 447 00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:49,342 IF I WOULD EVER MEASURE UP TO MY GENE POOL, 448 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,311 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 449 00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:53,346 IT TURNS OUT I DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHOSE GENES I'VE GOT. 450 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,814 THAT IS [bleep] HILARIOUS! 451 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,450 - MATTY, STOP. 452 00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:58,485 - HI, JENNA. 453 00:16:58,485 --> 00:16:59,819 - STOP. - JENNA HAMILTON. 454 00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:01,388 HEY THERE, JENNA. 455 00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:02,855 COME HERE. 456 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,091 JENNA HAMILTON. AIN'T SHE PRETTY? 457 00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:05,825 THANK YOU. HEY. 458 00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:08,495 OH, YEAH, DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU WENT ON BIRTH CONTROL 459 00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:10,297 AND MY PARENTS CALLED YOU A SLUT? 460 00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:11,364 - OH! 461 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,366 - THAT WAS GOOD TIMES, YEAH, 462 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,302 OR HOW ABOUT THE TIME WHEN THEY KICKED ME OUT, 463 00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:17,704 AND YOU COULDN'T TAKE A DUMP FOR A WEEK 464 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:18,971 BECAUSE I WAS SHARING YOUR BATHROOM? 465 00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:20,607 THAT WAS A-- [fart noise] 466 00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:23,810 A GAS! [audience groans] 467 00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:26,246 HOW AM I DOING, MOM? 468 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,552 - SHOW US YOUR BALLS! 469 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,254 [laughs] 470 00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:42,329 - MATTY-- 471 00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:43,463 - JENNA, I DIDN'T MEAN TO-- 472 00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:44,664 - IT'S OKAY, MATTY. IT'S OKAY. 473 00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,966 - I'M SORRY. 474 00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:50,470 I AM SO--I'M SO SORRY. 475 00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,939 - WITH MATTY'S DIRTY SECRET FINALLY OUT IN THE OPEN, 476 00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:56,209 MY HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA HAD TAKEN CENTER STAGE... 477 00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:02,415 AND IT TURNS OUT THAT LUKE COULDN'T HANDLE THE SHOW. 478 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,221 - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 479 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:11,158 WE ARE DOWN TO JUST THREE FINALISTS, 480 00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:15,362 ONE OF WHOM WILL CLAIM THE COVETED MR. P.H.H.S. CROWN: 481 00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:18,931 KYLE COHEN, TYLER MILLER, 482 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,000 AND JAKE ROSATI! 483 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,169 [cheers and applause] 484 00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:24,571 - JAKE ROSATI? 485 00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:27,907 LAST CALL FOR JAKE-- 486 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:31,010 OKAY, IN THE MEANTIME, ONE FINAL QUESTION: 487 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:34,381 TYLER, WHAT IS YOUR MOST CHERISHED DREAM? 488 00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:37,284 - MY DREAM IS TO BE ABLE TO USE MY RECENT BLESSINGS 489 00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:40,187 TO GET AN EDUCATION TO ENABLE ME 490 00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:42,822 TO DEVOTE MY LIFE TO ENDING MISERY AND SUFFERING EVERYWHERE. 491 00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:43,823 - UGH! 492 00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:46,226 COULD HE BE ANY MORE CLICHE? 493 00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:48,027 - WELL, I BELIEVE HE'S SINCERE. 494 00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:50,096 - WHATEVER. GET OVER IT! 495 00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:53,966 - KYLE, FOR THE CROWN. 496 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,469 - LAST NIGHT I HAD A DREAM I WAS EATING SUSHI, 497 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:59,272 AND WHEN I ASKED WHAT KIND OF FISH WAS IN IT, 498 00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:02,074 THE WAITER SAID IT WAS HUMAN FLESH, 499 00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:03,976 AND I LIKED IT. 500 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:07,980 IT TASTED LIKE FICKEN, YOU KNOW, LIKE CHICKEN-FISH, 501 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:12,252 AND WHEN I WOKE UP, THE BED WAS WET. 502 00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:20,293 - THE WINNER IS... 503 00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:21,894 TYLER MILLER! 504 00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:24,831 [cheers and applause] 505 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:33,139 - AS MUCH AS I'D WANTED TO CONVINCE MYSELF 506 00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:34,607 THAT I WAS JENNA 2.0, 507 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:38,345 THE TRUTH WAS I WAS STILL JUST JENNA. 508 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,049 - HI. 509 00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,451 - LISTEN, I'M SORRY I DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT THE PAGEANT, 510 00:19:44,451 --> 00:19:45,885 BUT THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO COME, 511 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,086 BECAUSE I'M STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL, 512 00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:48,455 AND I HAVE EMBARRASSING PARENTS, 513 00:19:48,455 --> 00:19:49,989 AND A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF EX-BOYFRIEND DRAMA, 514 00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:50,990 AND IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT, THAT'S FINE-- 515 00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:52,625 - JENNA, 516 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,126 I DIDN'T LEAVE THE PAGEANT BECAUSE I COULDN'T DEAL. 517 00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:55,362 - YEAH, RIGHT. 518 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:56,363 - I LEFT BECAUSE WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU UP THERE 519 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,030 WAS KIND OF ROUGH, 520 00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:01,534 AND I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD USE SOME CHEERING UP. 521 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:04,471 PUMPKIN SPICE, YOUR FAVORITE. 522 00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:05,405 WAIT. 523 00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:11,311 - I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 524 00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:12,979 - I HAVEN'T BEEN OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL THAT LONG. 525 00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:14,881 I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN THE DRAMA, 526 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,384 AND I WASN'T NEARLY COOL ENOUGH TO STAGE MANAGE 527 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:19,051 A MALE BEAUTY PAGEANT. 528 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,487 - SO YOU'RE NOT SCARED OFF? 529 00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:23,590 - YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TRY A LOT HARDER THAN THAT. 530 00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:24,957 I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. 531 00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:28,761 I LIKE YOU, JENNA HAMILTON. 532 00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,763 A LOT. 533 00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:34,267 [pop music] 534 00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:39,572 * 535 00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:46,713 - NEXT ON AWKWARD-- 536 00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:48,114 - NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THEIR EX DATE OTHER PEOPLE. 537 00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:50,583 - SEEING MATTY MOVE ON LIKE I HAVE WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY. 538 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:51,618 - WHAT DO YOU WANT? 539 00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:53,320 - I HAVE THIS GREAT PHOTO OF YOU. 540 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:54,454 - NICE TRY. 541 00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,723 NOTHING HAPPENED THAT NIGHT, AND YOU KNOW IT. 542 00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:58,858 - MY PLAN TO MAKE MATTY HAPPY WAS WORKING, 543 00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:00,993 SO WHY WAS I SUDDENLY FEELING SO UNHAPPY? 544 00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,495 IT'S NOT LIKE I STILL HAD FEELINGS FOR HIM. 545 00:21:02,495 --> 00:21:04,364 HOLY [bleep]! I STILL HAD FEELINGS FOR HIM. 37461

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