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1
00:00:09,033 --> 00:00:10,567
- PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD...
2
00:00:10,667 --> 00:00:12,733
- "HAVE WE MET?"
3
00:00:12,833 --> 00:00:16,267
- "YOU ARE CUTE."
4
00:00:16,367 --> 00:00:18,400
- I'M AROUND TO TALK LATER
AFTER SCHOOL.
5
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:20,600
- I'LL HIT YOU UP LATER,
BUT IT WON'T BE TO TALK.
6
00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:22,500
- OH, HEY, JENNA.
- IS MATTY HERE?
7
00:00:25,700 --> 00:00:28,067
- I HAD OVERSLEPT,
BUT I DIDN'T REMEMBER SLEEPING.
8
00:00:28,167 --> 00:00:29,367
I HAD BEEN TOSSING AND TURNING
ALL NIGHT.
9
00:00:29,467 --> 00:00:31,533
WHY HAD EVA BEEN
AT MATTY'S HOUSE?
10
00:00:31,633 --> 00:00:32,900
WERE THEY HOOKING UP?
11
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,767
WAS MATTY CONFIDING IN HER
ABOUT HIS LIFE,
12
00:00:34,867 --> 00:00:37,767
AND WHERE WAS MY STUPID
PALOS HILLS HIGH HOODIE?
13
00:00:37,867 --> 00:00:40,500
I WAS ALREADY LATE TO TAMARA'S
SENIOR HALLWAY DECORATING SESH
14
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,000
FOR SPIRIT WEEK,
BUT I WAS DISPIRITED.
15
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:45,600
THERE WAS ZERO PEP IN MY STEP.
16
00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:48,200
[cell phone rings]
17
00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:50,167
HEY, I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
18
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:51,700
I KNOW IT'S NOT AN EXCUSE,
19
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,500
BUT EVA WAS
AT MATTY'S HOUSE LAST NIGHT.
20
00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,300
I MEAN, I TRY TO BE A GOOD
FRIEND, AND THEN HE GOES OUT
21
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,300
AND REPLACES ME WITH THE
NEXT RANDOM GIRL HE CAN FIND.
22
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,100
AND WHAT'S HER DEAL ANYWAY?
23
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,267
I MEAN, SHE THINKS SHE'S SO COOL
AND KNOWS EVERYTHING.
24
00:01:01,367 --> 00:01:02,833
IT'S, LIKE, STOP TRYING TO BE
FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE.
25
00:01:02,933 --> 00:01:04,233
AND WHY ARE HER LEGS SO LONG?
26
00:01:04,333 --> 00:01:06,067
SHE LOOKS
LIKE A FREAKING ALIEN.
27
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:08,067
- UM, IT'S EVA.
28
00:01:08,167 --> 00:01:10,600
TAMARA'S DOING A MILLION THINGS,
AND SHE WANTED TO SEE
29
00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:12,433
IF YOU COULD BRING HER
A LARGE COFFEE.
30
00:01:12,533 --> 00:01:14,100
- IS THAT JENNA?
AND A CRONUT.
31
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:15,333
- AND A CRONUT.
32
00:01:15,433 --> 00:01:17,800
- SURE THING.
33
00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:19,333
[keys clacking]
34
00:01:19,433 --> 00:01:21,600
[thud]
35
00:01:21,700 --> 00:01:25,067
- [gasps]
CRONUT ME.
36
00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:27,767
- WOW. LOOKS LIKE MATTY'S
NEW FRIEND EVA'S HERE.
37
00:01:27,867 --> 00:01:30,600
- DO I HEAR A BITCH PITCH
IN YOUR VOICE?
38
00:01:30,700 --> 00:01:32,467
SHE VOLUNTEERED
FOR SENIOR SPIRIT COMMITTEE.
39
00:01:32,567 --> 00:01:33,900
- YEAH, WELL, I THINK SHE
ALSO VOLUNTEERED
40
00:01:34,067 --> 00:01:35,133
TO BE HIS NEW SIDE PIECE.
41
00:01:35,233 --> 00:01:36,667
- SO?
SHE'S AN EAGER BEAVER.
42
00:01:36,767 --> 00:01:40,400
OR HE'S EAGER FOR HER--
- NO, DON'T.
43
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:41,600
- ENOUGH.
44
00:01:41,700 --> 00:01:43,267
STOP MOPING OVER MATTY.
45
00:01:43,367 --> 00:01:45,667
THE EASIEST WAY TO GET OVER
GETTING BUSY WITH HIM
46
00:01:45,767 --> 00:01:48,167
IS TO GET BUSY DOING SOMETHING
OR SOMEONE ELSE,
47
00:01:48,267 --> 00:01:50,833
BUT SINCE YOU COULD BENEFIT
FROM HAVING A LOCK ON YOUR BOX,
48
00:01:50,933 --> 00:01:52,233
YOU SHOULD CONCENTRATE ON--
49
00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:54,333
[cell phone vibrates]
ONE SECOND.
50
00:01:54,433 --> 00:01:56,333
- DID YOU GET ANOTHER PHONE?
- NO.
51
00:01:56,433 --> 00:01:58,333
WELL, YES,
BUT THIS ONE'S AUTUMN'S.
52
00:01:58,433 --> 00:02:01,233
- WAIT. WHO'S AUTUMN?
- AUTUMN SAN DIEGO--
53
00:02:01,333 --> 00:02:03,733
THE ONLINE PERSONA I CREATED
TO CATFISH JAKE.
54
00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:07,167
- OKAY, AS YOUR FRIEND,
IT IS MY JOB TO TELL YOU
55
00:02:07,267 --> 00:02:09,700
THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS WEIRD,
STALKER-Y, AND NOT HEALTHY.
56
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:10,967
END IT.
57
00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:13,133
- CHILL
WITH THE FREAK AND CRITIQUE.
58
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,333
OF COURSE I'LL END IT,
JUST NOT NOW.
59
00:02:15,433 --> 00:02:17,067
I AM TOO BUSY
TO BREAK UP AGAIN.
60
00:02:17,133 --> 00:02:18,233
- BUT IF YOU--
- HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
61
00:02:18,333 --> 00:02:19,733
I HAVE ANOTHER ONE FOR YOU.
62
00:02:19,833 --> 00:02:21,667
YOU SHOULD COCHAIR
SPIRIT COMMITTEE WITH ME.
63
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:24,233
IT'S A TOTAL RESUME PADDER,
AND I NEED ALL HANDS ON DECK.
64
00:02:24,333 --> 00:02:25,833
IF THE SENIORS DON'T WIN
SPIRIT WEEK,
65
00:02:25,933 --> 00:02:27,633
I'LL JUMP OVERBOARD.
66
00:02:27,733 --> 00:02:29,167
- YOU DON'T NEED ME.
67
00:02:29,267 --> 00:02:30,833
I'M SURE THAT IT'LL BE
SMOOTH SAILING
68
00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:32,067
NOW THAT YOU'RE IN CHARGE.
69
00:02:32,133 --> 00:02:34,067
BUT I REALLY DO NEED YOU
TO SHOW ME
70
00:02:34,133 --> 00:02:37,067
WHERE TO PUT
THESE, UM, RAVE STICKS.
71
00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:38,500
- IT'S A ROBOT ARM.
72
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:42,733
THE THEME IS THE FUTURE.
DUH!
73
00:02:42,833 --> 00:02:44,233
[whistle blows]
74
00:02:44,333 --> 00:02:46,367
THE BANNER IS CROOKED!
- NICE ROBOT PENISES.
75
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,300
- CAN YOU HELP US, PLEASE,
WITH THIS?
76
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,200
- NO. YOUR PRESIDENCY,
YOUR PROBLEM.
77
00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:55,233
- MATTY, CAN YOU HELP?
- SURE.
78
00:02:55,333 --> 00:02:56,733
- OH.
79
00:02:56,833 --> 00:02:58,200
[grunts]
OKAY.
80
00:02:58,300 --> 00:02:59,400
- GOT IT?
81
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:02,333
OKAY, CATCH YOU LATER, E.
82
00:03:03,833 --> 00:03:04,767
- HEY.
83
00:03:04,867 --> 00:03:06,267
JUST ABOUT LAST NIGHT,
84
00:03:06,367 --> 00:03:08,233
NOTHING HAPPENED
BETWEEN ME AND MATTY.
85
00:03:08,333 --> 00:03:09,733
HE JUST WANTED TO TALK.
86
00:03:09,833 --> 00:03:11,567
- IT'S FINE,
WE'RE NOT TOGETHER.
87
00:03:11,667 --> 00:03:14,533
- UGH, THE SOPHOMORE SLUTS.
88
00:03:14,633 --> 00:03:16,267
- THE SOPHOMORE SLUTS,
OR THE S.S.,
89
00:03:16,367 --> 00:03:18,967
ARE THE MORTAL ENEMIES
OF SENIOR GIRLS EVERYWHERE.
90
00:03:19,067 --> 00:03:21,067
SOMEHOW THESE GIRLS
HAD MAGICALLY MORPHED
91
00:03:21,133 --> 00:03:23,233
OVER THE SUMMER
FROM DORKY FRESHMEN
92
00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:25,533
TO A HOARD OF CLEAVAGE-BEARING,
SHORT-SHORTS-WEARING,
93
00:03:25,633 --> 00:03:27,533
GIGGLING KESHA CLONES
WHO WERE ONLY TOO HAPPY
94
00:03:27,633 --> 00:03:29,700
TO HANG ALL OVER
THE SENIOR GUYS.
95
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,300
- WHAT'S WITH
THEIR HAIR EXTENSIONS?
96
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,133
THEY DON'T MATCH
THEIR WHORE-DROBE.
97
00:03:33,233 --> 00:03:34,967
IS THIS SOME KIND
OF SKANKY CULT THING?
98
00:03:35,067 --> 00:03:36,233
- ORANGE MEANS
THEY'RE WILLING TO KISS,
99
00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:37,800
PINK--BJs,
100
00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:39,867
RED--THEY'RE WILLING
TO GO ALL THE WAY,
101
00:03:39,967 --> 00:03:41,433
AND SILVER--
- BACK DOOR?
102
00:03:41,533 --> 00:03:43,233
- BACK DOOR, FRONT DOOR,
BASEMENT, AND ATTIC.
103
00:03:43,333 --> 00:03:45,200
- [gasps] SLUTS.
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
104
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:47,133
TAMARA, DO NOT USE THAT TERM.
105
00:03:47,233 --> 00:03:49,633
THERE WILL BE NO SLUT-SHAMING
AT THIS SCHOOL.
106
00:03:49,733 --> 00:03:51,600
I PREFER "SLAPPERS" OR "SLAGS."
107
00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:53,767
IT'S BRITISH. MM.
108
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:56,867
- VAL, YOUR HAIR
IS VERY COLORFUL.
109
00:03:56,967 --> 00:03:58,767
- OH, THANKS.
YOU NOTICED.
110
00:03:58,867 --> 00:04:00,967
IT'S THE HOT NEW TREND.
ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT.
111
00:04:01,067 --> 00:04:02,167
- WE AREN'T.
112
00:04:02,267 --> 00:04:03,667
- YOUR POINT?
113
00:04:03,767 --> 00:04:05,067
- VAL, I'M NOT SURE
YOU FULLY UNDERSTAND
114
00:04:05,133 --> 00:04:07,200
WHAT THOSE EXTENSIONS
REALLY MEAN.
115
00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:09,167
- YEAH, I DO.
116
00:04:09,267 --> 00:04:11,667
THEY MEAN THAT YOU OLD LADIES
ARE BEHIND THE TIMES.
117
00:04:11,767 --> 00:04:15,100
SO GO BACK TO YOUR HARD CANDIES
AND YOUR MOTHBALLS,
118
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,867
DAME JUDI DENCHES,
BECAUSE I...
119
00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:20,167
AM THE FUTURE.
120
00:04:20,267 --> 00:04:22,967
- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
121
00:04:23,067 --> 00:04:24,667
THAT'S VA-JENNA'S JOB,
NOT THE CAPTAIN'S.
122
00:04:24,767 --> 00:04:26,533
- I DON'T MIND.
123
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:29,367
I LIKE SORTING THE POM-POMS.
THEY'RE SO COLORFUL AND FUN.
124
00:04:29,467 --> 00:04:32,767
AND SOMETIMES I LIKE TO PRETEND
THEY'RE LITTLE FLUFFY DOGS.
125
00:04:32,867 --> 00:04:34,433
[imitates barking]
126
00:04:34,533 --> 00:04:36,067
[laughs, imitates bark]
127
00:04:36,133 --> 00:04:37,867
- SO I WAS READING THE BIBLE
LAST NIGHT.
128
00:04:37,967 --> 00:04:38,933
- [gasps]
REALLY?
129
00:04:39,067 --> 00:04:40,200
THAT'S SO AWESOME.
130
00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:41,467
WERE YOU AT A HOTEL
OR SOMETHING?
131
00:04:41,567 --> 00:04:42,767
- MY DAD BOUGHT ONE
WHEN HE THOUGHT
132
00:04:42,867 --> 00:04:44,633
HE WAS GOING
TO WHITE-COLLAR PRISON.
133
00:04:44,733 --> 00:04:46,067
ANYWAY, I READ THAT VERSE
134
00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:47,200
ABOUT HOW THE MEEK
SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH.
135
00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:49,200
- [gasps]
MATTHEW 5:5...
136
00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:51,133
OR MATTHEW HIGH FIVE.
137
00:04:51,233 --> 00:04:54,167
- RIGHT, BUT NOW
I'M NOT SO SURE
138
00:04:54,267 --> 00:04:55,500
THAT CHEERING
IS WHAT JESUS WOULD DO.
139
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,933
I MEAN, SHOUTING
AND WEARING SHORT SKIRTS
140
00:04:58,067 --> 00:04:59,700
ISN'T EXACTLY MEEK, IS IT?
141
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:03,267
- WELL, I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT
LIKE THAT,
142
00:05:03,367 --> 00:05:06,200
BUT I ALWAYS THOUGHT JESUS
WOULD BE A CHEERLEADER,
143
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,367
AND DEFINITELY MARY.
144
00:05:08,467 --> 00:05:11,200
- THAT'S A REALLY GOOD POINT.
145
00:05:11,300 --> 00:05:14,400
REVERSE YOU'RE WELCOME.
146
00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:16,233
THANKS.
147
00:05:16,333 --> 00:05:19,533
YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE
HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT THE POWER
148
00:05:19,633 --> 00:05:21,400
OF THE CAPTAINCY HAS REALLY BEEN
GOING TO YOUR HEAD,
149
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:23,267
BUT I DON'T THINK
THAT'S TRUE.
150
00:05:23,367 --> 00:05:26,067
- PEOPLE ARE SAYING THAT?
- DON'T WORRY.
151
00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:28,367
THEY SAID THE SAME ABOUT ME
WHEN I WAS CAPTAIN,
152
00:05:28,467 --> 00:05:30,400
THOUGH "GOOD CHRISTIAN GIRL"
ISN'T EXACTLY MY BRAND.
153
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:33,400
OH, ANOTHER FUN FACT
FROM THE BIBLE.
154
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,267
DID YOU KNOW
THAT "JUDAS" AND "LISSA" HAVE
155
00:05:36,367 --> 00:05:37,667
THE SAME AMOUNT OF LETTERS?
156
00:05:37,767 --> 00:05:38,867
SO WEIRD.
157
00:05:38,967 --> 00:05:41,333
[chuckles]
158
00:05:41,433 --> 00:05:44,233
- IT'S TIME FOR THE FIRST
COMPETITION OF SPIRIT WEEK--
159
00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:46,367
CHUBBY BUNNY.
160
00:05:46,467 --> 00:05:48,267
[applause]
161
00:05:48,367 --> 00:05:50,833
YOU ALL KNOW THE RULES.
- I'M AFRAID I DON'T.
162
00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:53,067
IS CHUBBY BUNNY
SOME SORT OF FAT RODENT?
163
00:05:53,133 --> 00:05:54,833
- NO, IT'S
A PHYSICAL CHALLENGE.
164
00:05:54,933 --> 00:05:56,400
YOU PUT A MARSHMALLOW
IN YOUR MOUTH,
165
00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:57,867
AND YOU SAY "CHUBBY BUNNY."
166
00:05:57,967 --> 00:05:59,500
THE FIRST PERSON
TO SAY "CHUBBY BUNNY" CLEARLY
167
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,667
WITH THE MOST MALLOWS
IN THEIR MOUTH WINS.
168
00:06:01,767 --> 00:06:04,267
- THAT IS RUDE!
- SO PIGGISH.
169
00:06:04,367 --> 00:06:06,333
- YOU'RE BOTH RUDE AND PIGGISH,
AND IT'S TRADITION.
170
00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:08,433
NOW, CAN EACH CLASS REP
PLEASE COME TO THE STAGE?
171
00:06:08,533 --> 00:06:10,467
[all giggling]
172
00:06:10,567 --> 00:06:12,800
AND, OF COURSE,
THE SENIOR-CLASS REP
173
00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:15,967
AND THREE-TIME CHUBBY BUNNY
CHAMP MATTY MCKIBBEN,
174
00:06:16,067 --> 00:06:17,600
COME ON UP.
175
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:19,400
[cheers and applause]
- PLEASE!
176
00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,100
LET ME DO IT THIS YEAR.
177
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,433
I'M NOT ALLOWED SUGAR AT HOME.
- GO FOR IT, MAN.
178
00:06:24,533 --> 00:06:26,233
- BUT IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT
THAT WE WIN THIS.
179
00:06:26,333 --> 00:06:28,633
- KYLE'S GONNA KILL IT.
LOOK AT THAT INTENSITY.
180
00:06:28,733 --> 00:06:30,333
- UGH, FINE.
GET UP HERE, KYLE.
181
00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:32,967
- MOVE.
182
00:06:33,067 --> 00:06:36,800
- ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, STUFF!
183
00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:38,300
- [clearly]
CHUBBY BUNNY.
184
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:39,433
- [mumbling]
CHUBBY BUNNY.
185
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:40,567
- [clearly]
CHUBBY BUNNY.
186
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,233
[applause]
187
00:06:42,333 --> 00:06:45,333
- IT'S SUPPOSED TO MELT
IN YOUR MOUTH NOT IN YOUR HAND.
188
00:06:45,433 --> 00:06:47,067
- I'M A DIABETIC.
189
00:06:47,167 --> 00:06:50,333
- UGH, FRESHMAN, IS YOUR BRAIN
EVEN FULLY FORMED YET?
190
00:06:50,433 --> 00:06:52,100
DO YOU STILL BREAST-FEED?
- NOT SINCE I WAS EIGHT.
191
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,600
all: EW.
192
00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:55,733
- KYLE, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO EAT THEM.
193
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,067
- CAN'T STOP.
194
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:58,100
SUGAR HIGH.
195
00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,567
SO HIGH!
196
00:06:59,667 --> 00:07:01,733
- THE MARSHMALLOWS ARE BLAZED.
197
00:07:01,833 --> 00:07:03,133
- [laughs]
198
00:07:03,233 --> 00:07:05,100
- MY TURN.
199
00:07:06,933 --> 00:07:09,567
[all gasp]
200
00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:11,500
- MMM.
[giggles]
201
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,733
[mumbling]
CHUBBY BUNNY.
202
00:07:14,833 --> 00:07:17,800
MMM.
203
00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:18,800
[mumbling]
CHUBBY BUNNY.
204
00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:20,133
- SOPHOMORES WIN!
205
00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:23,600
[cheers and applause]
206
00:07:25,733 --> 00:07:28,067
- YES! IT IS
ALL ABOUT MACKENZIE.
207
00:07:28,167 --> 00:07:29,667
THAT GIRL IS A PROFESSIONAL.
208
00:07:29,767 --> 00:07:31,400
- WE'RE TALKING STAR QUALITY.
209
00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:33,367
- MATTY.
210
00:07:33,467 --> 00:07:34,533
ARE YOU OKAY?
211
00:07:34,633 --> 00:07:37,500
- I'M FINE.
WHY?
212
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,500
- YOU'RE NOT UPSET ABOUT THE END
OF YOUR CHUBBY BUNNY REIGN?
213
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,533
- YEAH, YEAH, I'M REALLY
BROKEN UP ABOUT IT.
214
00:07:43,633 --> 00:07:45,233
- [chuckles]
LISTEN...
215
00:07:45,333 --> 00:07:48,300
I KNOW OUR RELATIONSHIP
HAS CHANGED, AND IT'S COOL.
216
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,467
I JUST THOUGHT
THAT I WOULD BE THE PERSON
217
00:07:50,567 --> 00:07:52,900
THAT YOU WOULD WANT TO TALK TO
ABOUT STUFF,
218
00:07:53,067 --> 00:07:55,133
NOT SOMEONE YOU BARELY KNOW.
219
00:07:55,233 --> 00:07:59,200
- SO YOU WANT ME TO RUN PEOPLE
BY YOU BEFORE I TALK TO THEM?
220
00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:01,233
- NO, NO, NO,
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.
221
00:08:01,333 --> 00:08:03,133
- [giggles]
MATTY, DID YOU SEE ME WIN?
222
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,700
- YEAH, YEAH, CONGRATULATIONS.
223
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:06,533
- SO MATTY HAD COMPLETELY
REPLACED ME IN HIS LIFE.
224
00:08:06,633 --> 00:08:07,933
EVA FOR CONVERSATION,
225
00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:10,200
AND MACKENZIE
WAS CLEARLY AVAILABLE
226
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:11,600
FOR WHATEVER ELSE HE NEEDED.
227
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:14,533
I WAS RENDERED OBSOLETE
IN LESS THAN A DAY.
228
00:08:14,633 --> 00:08:15,933
- WE LOOK LIKE IDIOTS.
229
00:08:16,067 --> 00:08:18,100
- OH, WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE ROBOTS.
230
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,800
- I KNOW,
BUT WE LOOK LIKE HOBOS
231
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:22,433
WHO POSE LIKE STATUES
FOR MONEY.
232
00:08:22,533 --> 00:08:23,967
- MY FRIEND DID THAT
IN CENTRAL PARK,
233
00:08:24,067 --> 00:08:25,267
AND HE'S
IN CIRQUE DU SOLEIL NOW.
234
00:08:25,367 --> 00:08:26,900
- [gasps]
I LOVE THE CIRCUS.
235
00:08:27,067 --> 00:08:29,267
- FASCINATING, EVA.
236
00:08:29,367 --> 00:08:32,733
- THIS LOOKS AMAZING, SENIORS.
237
00:08:32,833 --> 00:08:36,700
IT'S LIKE SOMEONE FROM
1982'S IDEA OF THE FUTURE--
238
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,467
VERY TRON.
239
00:08:38,567 --> 00:08:40,367
IT'S A COMPLIMENT...
240
00:08:40,467 --> 00:08:43,467
ALTHOUGH I COULD DO
WITHOUT THE SPACE DILDOS.
241
00:08:43,567 --> 00:08:46,467
- SO ARE WE THE BEST HALLWAY?
- LOOKS LIKE IT.
242
00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:48,600
[distant cheering,
electronic music]
243
00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:50,467
WAIT.
DO YOU HEAR THAT?
244
00:08:50,567 --> 00:08:58,400
*
245
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,667
- OH.
246
00:09:04,767 --> 00:09:07,100
- SOMEBODY GET THESE GIRLS
BANANAS FAST!
247
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,867
- THESE LITTLE GIRLS LOST KNOW
EXACTLY WHERE THEY'RE GOING.
248
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,200
- WOW.
249
00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:16,300
- THIS IS GLORIOUS.
250
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,200
SOPHOMORES WIN
THE HALLWAY CONTEST.
251
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:19,833
FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN RECORDED HISTORY,
252
00:09:19,933 --> 00:09:23,833
THE SENIORS
MIGHT LOSE SPIRIT WEEK.
253
00:09:23,933 --> 00:09:26,067
- [giggles]
254
00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:30,300
- [bleep] JUST GOT REAL.
255
00:09:33,167 --> 00:09:34,400
- THE SOPHOMORE SLUTS
HAD SWEPT
256
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:36,067
ALL THE SPIRIT WEEK
COMPETITIONS,
257
00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:37,567
SO THE SENIOR GIRLS,
DETERMINED TO PUT THOSE SKANKS
258
00:09:37,667 --> 00:09:39,633
IN THEIR PLACE,
WERE ALL ON TIME
259
00:09:39,733 --> 00:09:41,167
FOR THE POWDER PUFF PRACTICE,
260
00:09:41,267 --> 00:09:43,600
EXCEPT TAMARA,
WHICH WAS SO UN-TAMARA.
261
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:45,833
MEANWHILE, LISSA WAS TEACHING
THE SENIOR GUYS CHEERS,
262
00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:49,067
BUT MATTY AND JAKE
WERE ALSO NO-SHOWS.
263
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:50,267
- THE CHEER GOES LIKE THIS--
264
00:09:50,367 --> 00:09:52,233
KNEE 'EM IN THE GROIN!
265
00:09:52,333 --> 00:09:54,100
GOUGE 'EM IN THE EYE!
266
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,167
KILL 'EM, KILL 'EM,
PALOS HIGH!
267
00:09:57,267 --> 00:10:00,833
- WOW. I NEVER REALIZED
HOW VIOLENT THAT CHEER WAS.
268
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:03,467
W-W-J-C--
269
00:10:03,567 --> 00:10:08,133
WHAT WOULD JESUS CHEER?
270
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,633
- HEY.
ARE WE PRACTICING?
271
00:10:09,733 --> 00:10:11,667
OH, MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOU? YOU OKAY?
272
00:10:11,767 --> 00:10:13,333
- I WAS UP ALL NIGHT.
273
00:10:13,433 --> 00:10:16,167
"WHAT WAS YOUR EX LIKE?"
274
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,233
"CONTROLLING"?
275
00:10:20,333 --> 00:10:23,267
"YOU MEAN ORGANIZED?"
276
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:28,067
[scoffs]
277
00:10:28,167 --> 00:10:31,167
"WAS SHE AT LEAST CUTE?"
278
00:10:31,267 --> 00:10:32,900
"OKAY"?
279
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,000
"CRAZY"?
280
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:37,533
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "CRAZY"?
281
00:10:40,433 --> 00:10:41,567
WHERE IS HE?
282
00:10:41,667 --> 00:10:45,833
WHY ISN'T HE ANSWERING?
283
00:10:45,933 --> 00:10:46,833
AM I CRAZY?
284
00:10:46,933 --> 00:10:49,000
- NO, HE IS.
285
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:51,500
SO DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING PLANNED
FOR PRACTICE?
286
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,633
- NO, BUT IT'S OKAY.
287
00:10:53,733 --> 00:10:55,467
I'LL JUST STAY UP ALL NIGHT
TONIGHT AND LEARN THE PLAYS.
288
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:56,933
I'LL BE FINE. FINE!
289
00:10:57,033 --> 00:10:59,400
- I'LL COACH POWDER PUFF.
- REALLY?
290
00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:02,500
- GIVE ME THE CLIPBOARD
AND THE WHISTLE.
291
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,067
[whistle blows]
292
00:11:05,133 --> 00:11:07,500
- HEY, POUNDER MUFFS,
CAN WE PRACTICE ALREADY?
293
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,333
- PRACTICE IS POSTPONED
UNTIL TOMORROW.
294
00:11:09,433 --> 00:11:11,833
I'M TAKING OVER COACHING DUTIES,
AND I NEED TIME TO PREPARE.
295
00:11:11,933 --> 00:11:13,233
- YOU CAN'T COACH.
296
00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:15,700
ALL YOU KNOW IS LOSING!
THE POINT IS TO WIN.
297
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,467
- I COULD TEACH YOU SOME PLAYS
IF YOU WANT.
298
00:11:17,567 --> 00:11:19,067
I WAS TUTORED
BY A YALE FOOTBALL PLAYER.
299
00:11:19,167 --> 00:11:20,633
- I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.
300
00:11:20,733 --> 00:11:23,567
I'M FINE. I JUST NEED
TO ORGANIZE MY PLAYBOOK.
301
00:11:23,667 --> 00:11:25,367
AND BY THAT, I MEANT LEARN
EVERYTHING THERE WAS TO KNOW
302
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:27,067
ABOUT FOOTBALL BEFORE TOMORROW,
303
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:29,333
BECAUSE IF THE SOPHOMORE SLUTS
WERE MAKING A PLAY
304
00:11:29,433 --> 00:11:32,067
FOR OUR SENIOR BOYS,
THEY WERE GONNA BE INTERCEPTED.
305
00:11:32,133 --> 00:11:35,133
- MOM, WE NEED TO TALK
ABOUT SOMETHING.
306
00:11:35,233 --> 00:11:37,500
- THIS IS A TALK
WE SHOULD HAVE HAD A WHILE AGO.
307
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,067
- I AGREE.
308
00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:41,367
- IT HAS TO DO
WITH SOMETHING IN THE GARAGE.
309
00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:42,567
- YEAH.
310
00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:44,367
- THIS IS HARD.
WHERE DO I START?
311
00:11:44,467 --> 00:11:46,967
- JUST BE HONEST WITH ME.
312
00:11:47,067 --> 00:11:49,700
- AFTER THE DIVORCE,
A LOT OF THINGS CHANGED,
313
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,500
PARTICULARLY WITH MY FINANCES.
314
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:52,967
WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL.
315
00:11:53,067 --> 00:11:56,167
SO YOU CAN IMAGINE
HOW DISAPPOINTED I WAS
316
00:11:56,267 --> 00:11:58,200
TO FIND A DENT IN YOUR CAR.
317
00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:00,100
- WHAT?
318
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,233
- I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU KEPT IT FROM ME.
319
00:12:02,333 --> 00:12:04,800
- YEAH, IF I EVER FOUND OUT
THAT YOU OR DAD
320
00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:08,800
WERE KEEPING SOMETHING FROM ME,
I'D BE SUPER UPSET.
321
00:12:12,067 --> 00:12:13,233
- HEY, DAD.
322
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,633
CAN YOU TEACH ME
SOME FOOTBALL PLAYS?
323
00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:16,800
- I THOUGHT THIS DAY
WOULD NEVER COME.
324
00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:19,233
SO, IF YOU CALL A BLAST,
THEN WHAT?
325
00:12:19,333 --> 00:12:21,133
- THE RUNNING BACK TAKES A QUICK
HANDOFF FROM THE QUARTERBACK
326
00:12:21,233 --> 00:12:22,933
AND HITS THE HOLE
BETWEEN THE GUARD AND TACKLE.
327
00:12:23,067 --> 00:12:24,533
- SO PROUD.
328
00:12:24,633 --> 00:12:26,233
YOU'RE REALLY GOOD
AT MEMORIZING THESE PLAYS.
329
00:12:26,333 --> 00:12:28,467
- I JUST REALLY WANT
TO WIN THIS GAME.
330
00:12:28,567 --> 00:12:30,267
- AND DON'T GET ME WRONG.
331
00:12:30,367 --> 00:12:32,367
I LOVE YOUR SUDDEN INTEREST
IN FOOTBALL,
332
00:12:32,467 --> 00:12:33,967
BUT WHY DO YOU NEED
TO WIN SO BADLY?
333
00:12:34,067 --> 00:12:36,300
- JUST SENIOR PRIDE.
334
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:37,967
AND THERE ARE THESE
SOPHOMORE GIRLS
335
00:12:38,067 --> 00:12:39,967
WE'RE PLAYING AGAINST
WHO ARE SO ANNOYING!
336
00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:42,300
both: THE SOPHOMORE SLUTS?
- HERE WE GO.
337
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:43,767
- HOW DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT?
338
00:12:43,867 --> 00:12:45,800
- HONEY, THE SOPHOMORE SLUTS
HAVE BEEN AROUND
339
00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:48,200
SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME.
340
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,967
- SHAMELESS,
DISGUSTING, FILTHY.
341
00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:52,800
- ALLY WAS
AN ORIGINAL SOPHOMORE SLUT.
342
00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:55,433
- LITTLE BITCH, BEFORE ME THE
TRAMP STAMP WAS SIMPLY KNOWN
343
00:12:55,533 --> 00:12:57,733
AS A LOWER-BACK TATTOO.
344
00:12:57,833 --> 00:12:59,633
- THAT'S TRUE.
- "O.G.S.S."--
345
00:12:59,733 --> 00:13:01,600
"ORIGINAL SOPHOMORE SLUTS."
346
00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:04,500
OKAY, WELL, NOWADAYS THEY WEAR
COLORED HAIR EXTENSIONS, SO...
347
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,633
- UGH.
- THOSE NASTY LITTLE SKANKS.
348
00:13:07,733 --> 00:13:09,433
NO OFFENSE, ALLY.
- OH.
349
00:13:09,533 --> 00:13:12,067
- OH, THEY WERE LIKE
SEXUALLY AGGRESSIVE ZOMBIES,
350
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:15,300
AND THE BOYS JUST LOVED IT.
351
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,867
- BECAUSE GUYS ARE ASS(Bleep).
352
00:13:17,967 --> 00:13:19,700
- OH, YEAH, BLAME IT
ON THE GUYS.
353
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,267
- WHO ELSE
SHOULD WE BLAME, KEVIN?
354
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:23,667
- COME ON, SENIOR GIRLS
WERE SO STRESSFUL
355
00:13:23,767 --> 00:13:26,333
AND CONSTANTLY TALKING
ABOUT THEIR EMOTIONS.
356
00:13:26,433 --> 00:13:30,433
- SORRY BEING PREGNANT BROUGHT
OUT A LOT OF EMOTIONS IN ME.
357
00:13:30,533 --> 00:13:33,933
- SWEETIE, I'M ALL FOR WINNING,
BUT BEATING THE SOPHOMORE SLUT--
358
00:13:34,067 --> 00:13:35,600
I MEAN, GIRLS--
359
00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:37,067
IS NOT GONNA KEEP
YOUR GUY FRIENDS
360
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:38,500
FROM HANGING OUT WITH THEM.
361
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,800
THEY'RE NOT BAD GUYS.
THEY'RE SENIORS.
362
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:42,533
THEY JUST WANT
TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
363
00:13:42,633 --> 00:13:45,167
- SHOULD WE DO SHOTS?
- OH, GOD.
364
00:13:45,267 --> 00:13:47,067
[both laughing]
- HEY, MAN.
365
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:49,433
COME HANG OUT WITH US
WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH WORK.
366
00:13:49,533 --> 00:13:50,600
- LET'S GET FRO YO.
367
00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:51,967
- SURE, LET'S GO NOW.
368
00:13:52,067 --> 00:13:54,767
I'M, UH--
I'M DONE WITH THIS JOB.
369
00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:57,967
I DON'T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING,
AND I AM CONSTANTLY COLD.
370
00:13:58,067 --> 00:14:00,167
- DON'T YOU WANT THE EXTRA CASH?
- NO, IT'S NOT WORTH IT, MAN.
371
00:14:00,267 --> 00:14:02,367
I AM SICK OF PEOPLE
CONSTANTLY ORDERING ME AROUND.
372
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:05,167
- YOU CAN ORDER ME AROUND.
- LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
373
00:14:05,267 --> 00:14:06,733
- WHOA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
374
00:14:06,833 --> 00:14:08,067
WHILE YOU'RE ON THE CLOCK,
YOUR SHIRT IS OFF.
375
00:14:08,133 --> 00:14:10,867
- WELL, I'M CLOCKING OUT
FOR GOOD.
376
00:14:10,967 --> 00:14:13,933
I FEEL RIDICULOUS.
- [giggles] RIDICULOUSLY HOT.
377
00:14:14,067 --> 00:14:15,733
- LISTEN TO THE TINY TROLLOP.
378
00:14:15,833 --> 00:14:19,233
- OH, YEAH?
LATER.
379
00:14:19,333 --> 00:14:20,667
LET'S GO, MACKENZIE.
LET'S GET FRO YO.
380
00:14:20,767 --> 00:14:23,067
- O.M.G.,
I LOVE A BADASS,
381
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:24,533
ESPECIALLY A BADASS
WITH A GOOD ASS.
382
00:14:24,633 --> 00:14:26,100
[chuckles]
383
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,267
- YOU LEAVE NOW,
DON'T YOU DARE COME BACK.
384
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:30,133
[all laugh]
385
00:14:36,267 --> 00:14:38,267
- WHY ARE YOU WEARING A TOGA?
IT'S GEEK DAY.
386
00:14:38,367 --> 00:14:40,267
- I THOUGHT IT WAS GREEK DAY.
387
00:14:40,367 --> 00:14:42,200
- WHAT'S UP?
388
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:43,800
- I DON'T WANT TO BE
CHEER CAPTAIN.
389
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:45,633
- WHAT? WHY?
390
00:14:45,733 --> 00:14:48,100
- BECAUSE...
391
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,300
BECAUSE...
392
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,200
BECAUSE...
393
00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:54,467
- BECAUSE SHE'S COVETING
THE CAPTAINCY,
394
00:14:54,567 --> 00:14:57,767
AND A WISE AND POWERFUL OLD MAN
WITH A BEARD SAID THAT'S A SIN.
395
00:14:57,867 --> 00:14:59,633
- OKAY, I DON'T CARE
WHAT SANTA SAID.
396
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:02,400
I NEED A MORE CONCRETE EXCUSE,
LIKE AN INJURY.
397
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:04,233
FOR EXAMPLE,
398
00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:06,067
WHAT IF I WERE TO HIT YOU
ON YOUR HAND RIGHT NOW
399
00:15:06,167 --> 00:15:07,267
WITH THIS TAPE DISPENSER?
400
00:15:07,367 --> 00:15:09,067
THAT WOULD TAKE YOU OUT, HUH?
401
00:15:09,167 --> 00:15:12,400
- NEVER MIND!
I'LL BE CHEER CAPTAIN!
402
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:16,067
- AND THAT'S WHAT I CALL
A VAL TEACHING MOMENT.
403
00:15:18,067 --> 00:15:21,067
I THINK I'LL REWARD MYSELF
WITH A SPICY ITALIAN SUB.
404
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:27,233
[cheers and applause]
- IT WAS GAME TIME.
405
00:15:27,333 --> 00:15:29,367
IT DIDN'T MATTER
IF MATTY AND I WERE ON THE OUTS.
406
00:15:29,467 --> 00:15:31,100
IT WAS THE PRINCIPLE OF IT.
407
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,733
IF THE SOPHOMORE SLUTS
WERE GONNA MAKE A PLAY
408
00:15:32,833 --> 00:15:34,367
FOR THE SENIOR BOYS,
409
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:36,667
THEY WERE GONNA BE INTERCEPTED
OR TACKLED
410
00:15:36,767 --> 00:15:40,400
OR SOME FOOTBALL THING,
IF THEY EVER SHOWED UP.
411
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:43,767
[all screaming]
412
00:15:43,867 --> 00:15:47,500
- ARE WE SHOOTING
A BEER COMMERCIAL?
413
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,400
- WE HAVE NO CHEERLEADERS!
414
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,333
THE OTHER GUYS FOUND OUT MATTY
AND JAKE WEREN'T CHEERING,
415
00:15:51,433 --> 00:15:52,733
SO THEY BAILED.
416
00:15:52,833 --> 00:15:54,400
- SHEEP.
BUT I'M HERE.
417
00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:57,267
I'M ALWAYS HERE
FOR YOU, JENNA.
418
00:15:57,367 --> 00:15:59,567
[grunts]
- LET ME TALK TO THEM.
419
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:03,967
[cheers and applause]
420
00:16:08,767 --> 00:16:12,400
HEY, NO BIGGIE, BUT DO YOU THINK
YOU GUYS COULD CHEER FOR US?
421
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,467
BECAUSE YOU'RE DRAGGING
EVERYONE DOWN
422
00:16:14,567 --> 00:16:15,800
INTO YOUR
REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE HOLE,
423
00:16:15,900 --> 00:16:17,100
AND GOOD PEOPLE
ARE COLLATERAL DAMAGE.
424
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:18,667
BUT I'M CHILL.
425
00:16:18,767 --> 00:16:21,100
- REALLY?
'CAUSE YOU'VE GOT CRAZY EYES.
426
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,300
- CRAZY?
I WILL SHOW YOU CRAZY.
427
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,067
NOW, GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASSES
AND CHEER.
428
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:26,833
IT IS THE LEAST YOU COULD DO!
429
00:16:26,933 --> 00:16:28,833
- ACTUALLY,
IT'S NOT THE LEAST WE COULD DO.
430
00:16:28,933 --> 00:16:30,400
COME ON.
[cheers and applause]
431
00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:33,067
- LET'S CHEER
FOR THE SOPHOMORES.
432
00:16:33,167 --> 00:16:36,600
[cheers and applause]
433
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,233
- I HAD NEVER WANTED TO WIN
SOMETHING SO BADLY.
434
00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:43,667
THE S.S. WERE RUNNING
435
00:16:43,767 --> 00:16:45,333
SOME SERIOUS INTERFERENCE
WITH OUR LIVES.
436
00:16:45,433 --> 00:16:46,733
THEY NEEDED TO GET SACKED.
437
00:16:46,833 --> 00:16:49,167
both:
GO, SENIORS!
438
00:16:49,267 --> 00:16:53,300
- LET'S DO THIS! WHOO!
- [mouths words]
439
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,500
[whistle blows]
440
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,533
[all screaming]
441
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,733
[cheers and applause]
442
00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:10,067
- GO, SENIORS!
443
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:13,367
all: OOH!
444
00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:15,867
- COME ON.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S HUDDLE.
445
00:17:15,967 --> 00:17:18,867
[cheers and applause]
446
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,133
- HUT, HIKE.
447
00:17:28,233 --> 00:17:31,800
[whistle blows,
cheers and applause]
448
00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:34,733
[dance music]
449
00:17:34,833 --> 00:17:38,433
[all grunting]
450
00:17:38,533 --> 00:17:40,533
- BOY, THAT'S ONLY HALFTIME.
451
00:17:40,633 --> 00:17:42,233
[overlapping chatter]
452
00:17:42,333 --> 00:17:43,967
- HEY, COACH.
453
00:17:44,067 --> 00:17:45,667
I THINK YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO GIVE AN INSPIRING SPEECH.
454
00:17:45,767 --> 00:17:47,333
- I WASN'T FEELING INSPIRING.
455
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:50,300
I WAS FEELING SCREWED,
NOT IN A GOOD WAY.
456
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,400
[whistle blows]
457
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,567
OKAY...
458
00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:57,067
SO WE ARE SUCKING OUT THERE,
A LOT.
459
00:17:57,100 --> 00:17:58,667
OUR OWN SENIOR BOYS
ARE CHEERING AGAINST US,
460
00:17:58,767 --> 00:18:00,733
AND NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY
TO BE THE MATURE ONES,
461
00:18:00,833 --> 00:18:02,300
THEY DON'T APPRECIATE IT.
462
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:05,267
THEY CHOOSE BIKINIS OVER ROBOTS,
SIMPLE OVER COMPLICATED.
463
00:18:05,367 --> 00:18:07,067
AND WHEN THERE IS A HISTORY
BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE
464
00:18:07,167 --> 00:18:08,733
AND THINGS GET ROUGH,
465
00:18:08,833 --> 00:18:10,700
IT IS EASIEST TO FALL
INTO THE ARMS OF THE CLOSEST,
466
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,467
SLUTTIEST OPTION.
467
00:18:12,567 --> 00:18:15,400
AS LONG AS THOSE SLUTS EXIST,
WE'RE NEVER GONNA WIN.
468
00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:19,100
- THAT WAS LITERALLY THE WORST
PEP TALK I HAVE EVER HEARD.
469
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:23,700
I SAY WE GO OUT THERE
AND KICK THOSE SLUTS' ASSES.
470
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,900
ARE YOU WITH ME, BITCHES?
[all cheer]
471
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:32,867
[whistle blows]
472
00:18:32,967 --> 00:18:35,467
- LOOKS LIKE YOUR GUY FRIENDS
CAME OVER TO OUR SIDE.
473
00:18:35,567 --> 00:18:38,800
IT MUST SUCK TO BE OLD
AND UNDESIRABLE.
474
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:41,467
- I LIKE YOUR HAIR.
IT ALMOST LOOKS REAL.
475
00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:42,900
- THANK YOU.
476
00:18:43,067 --> 00:18:45,233
IS YOURS?
477
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,900
WHOOPS.
all: OH.
478
00:18:48,067 --> 00:18:49,900
- THAT'S WHEN MY DAD'S WORDS
CAME TO ME
479
00:18:50,067 --> 00:18:51,300
LIKE A BLITZ TO MY BRAIN.
480
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:52,867
BEATING THE SOPHOMORE SLUTS
IN FOOTBALL
481
00:18:52,967 --> 00:18:53,933
WOULDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING.
482
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:55,467
THESE GIRLS,
483
00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:57,200
NO MATTER HOW MUCH I HATED
THEIR BARE MIDRIFFS
484
00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:59,767
AND HOT PANTS
WEREN'T THE PROBLEM.
485
00:18:59,867 --> 00:19:01,333
THE PROBLEM WAS MATTY.
486
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:04,367
- IF YOU DON'T DO IT, I WILL.
487
00:19:04,467 --> 00:19:06,167
[rock music]
488
00:19:06,267 --> 00:19:08,867
- [screams]
489
00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:11,367
[all screaming]
490
00:19:24,067 --> 00:19:26,767
- SADIE, SAVE YOURSELF!
491
00:19:26,867 --> 00:19:28,867
[whistle blows]
492
00:19:32,233 --> 00:19:33,467
- MY FIRST FIGHT, AND
I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A BADASS.
493
00:19:33,567 --> 00:19:35,267
I JUST HAD A BAD TASTE
IN MY MOUTH.
494
00:19:35,367 --> 00:19:37,233
SENIORS HAD LOST SPIRIT WEEK
TO THE SOPHOMORES
495
00:19:37,333 --> 00:19:40,467
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN,
WELL, EVER.
496
00:19:40,567 --> 00:19:43,467
THEN AGAIN, MAYBE THE BAD TASTE
WAS FROM ALL THE DIRT I ATE
497
00:19:43,567 --> 00:19:45,300
WHEN JACKIE SMOOSHED MY FACE
INTO THE GROUND.
498
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:48,933
HEY, THANK YOU FOR HAVING
MY BACK EARLIER.
499
00:19:49,067 --> 00:19:51,133
- NO WORRIES, AND I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU AND MATTY HAD DATED.
500
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:52,600
IF I HAD KNOWN THAT,
501
00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:54,533
I WOULD HAVE INVITED YOU INSIDE
THE OTHER DAY.
502
00:19:54,633 --> 00:19:56,600
- IT'S OKAY. I'M SORRY
FOR BEING A JERK TO YOU
503
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,467
JUST BECAUSE
MATTY'S BEING A JERK TO ME.
504
00:19:58,567 --> 00:20:00,633
- WELL, I JUST HOPE
WE CAN BE FRIENDS.
505
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:02,967
CHICKS BEFORE DICKS...
ALWAYS.
506
00:20:03,067 --> 00:20:05,033
[chuckles]
507
00:20:05,133 --> 00:20:07,867
- WHOO!
508
00:20:07,967 --> 00:20:10,300
- HEY, HEY, HEY!
- [laughs]
509
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,100
IT'S TIME
TO GHOST RIDE THE WHIP!
510
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:13,867
- YES, HOTNESS!
511
00:20:13,967 --> 00:20:15,367
- OH, IF ANYTHING HAPPENS
TO YOUR CAR,
512
00:20:15,467 --> 00:20:16,467
YOUR PARENTS
ARE GONNA KILL YOU.
513
00:20:16,567 --> 00:20:18,700
- OH, LIGHTEN UP, ROSATI.
514
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,567
- ALL RIGHT, WELL,
I'M GONNA FILM IT.
515
00:20:20,667 --> 00:20:24,967
[all cheering]
516
00:20:25,067 --> 00:20:27,033
OKAY, OKAY, GO.
517
00:20:27,133 --> 00:20:29,033
- WHOO!
518
00:20:29,133 --> 00:20:31,033
[dance music]
519
00:20:31,133 --> 00:20:33,700
*
520
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,900
- HOLY--
521
00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:39,567
[crashes]
522
00:20:39,667 --> 00:20:41,900
both:
HOLY [bleep]!
523
00:20:44,533 --> 00:20:46,100
- NEXT ON AWKWARD...
524
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,433
- HEY, YOU SHOULD STOP BY
THIS FUND-RAISER TONIGHT.
525
00:20:47,533 --> 00:20:48,533
- I'LL TRY TO MAKE IT.
- DO THAT.
526
00:20:48,633 --> 00:20:50,933
- YOUR SORORITY IS AMAZE-TITS.
527
00:20:51,033 --> 00:20:52,633
VODKA PLUS GIRL TALK
PLUS COMMUNAL CLOSET
528
00:20:52,733 --> 00:20:55,100
EQUALS HAPPY TAMARA.
529
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,333
- YES, HOT TUB.
38126
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