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1
00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:04,672
- PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD...
2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:05,773
- "YOU COULD DISAPPEAR
AND NO ONE WOULD NOTICE.
3
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:07,041
A FRIEND"?
4
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:08,476
SO YOU CAN SLEEP WITH ME
IN PRIVATE,
5
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:10,844
BUT YOU CAN'T
TALK TO ME IN PUBLIC?
6
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,146
- THE REASON THAT I KEEP
BRINGING UP OUR KISS
7
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,981
IS BECAUSE...
- OH, BLOOD ON THE BOOBS.
8
00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:15,883
- I LIKE LIKE YOU.
- AND FOR THE FIRST TIME,
9
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,686
I GOT THE ATTENTION
I WAS LOOKING FOR.
10
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,921
- * WALKED ALONG,
I WALKED ALONG *
11
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:24,592
* I SANG YOUR SONG
AND I TRIED TO READ YOUR MIND *
12
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:27,461
- GOT SOME FRESH-SQUEEZED
LEMONADE FOR YOU GIRLS.
13
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:30,698
- FOR 15 YEARS,
MY MOTHER'S FORM OF PARENTING
14
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,032
WAS TO PEERENT.
15
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:35,569
SHE WAS ALL ABOUT CROSSING
INAPPROPRIATE BOUNDARIES.
16
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,705
SO THE FACT THAT
SHE WAS ACTING APPROPRIATE
17
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:40,874
FELT...SUSPICIOUS.
SOMETHING WAS DEFINITELY UP.
18
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:43,144
- OH, I FORGOT THE CUPCAKES.
19
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:44,445
both: CUPCAKES?
20
00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,147
- WHAT THE HELL IS
GOING ON WITH YOUR MOM?
21
00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:48,382
[gasps] THINK SHE HAS CANCER?
- MAYBE.
22
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,118
IT WAS 95 DEGREES
IN NOVEMBER,
23
00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:52,786
AND THERE WAS A FUNK
IN THE AIR.
24
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,188
MAYBE AN EARTHQUAKE
WAS ABOUT TO HIT.
25
00:00:57,258 --> 00:01:01,362
UNFORTUNATELY, IT WAS
ANOTHER NATURAL DISASTER--
26
00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:06,200
MY MOM'S BFF ALLY.
27
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,768
- WHAT'S UP, LIL' BITCH?
28
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,137
- [shrieks and laughs]
29
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,938
OH...
30
00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:13,141
[both laughing and shrieking]
31
00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:14,842
- I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED
THE EARTHQUAKE.
32
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:21,215
[laughter]
33
00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:23,451
- WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME
ALLY WAS COMING TO VISIT?
34
00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:24,918
- OH, I DIDN'T TELL YOU?
35
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,887
- MY SUSPICIONS WERE CORRECT.
36
00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:29,323
MY MOM WAS BUTTERING ME UP
TO CUSHION THE BLOW.
37
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:32,260
- [makes squeaky sound]
MAN, DID ALLY BLOW...HARD.
38
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:34,462
- YOU GONNA SAY HI OR WHAT?
- WHAT.
39
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:36,930
- HI, ALLY. WHAT HAVE YOU
BEEN DOING LATELY?
40
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,833
- I DON'T KNOW, A LITTLE "E,"
SPECIAL "K."
41
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,302
[laughter]
42
00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:42,903
BASICALLY WHATEVER
I CAN GET MY HANDS ON.
43
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,172
OOH!
44
00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:48,509
OR WHATEVER CAN GET
ITS HANDS ON ME.
45
00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,678
- HI.
[giggles]
46
00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:54,948
- AH...
SO TALK TO ME, LADIES.
47
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,185
NOW THAT BUZZKILL'S
OUT OF TOWN,
48
00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:58,752
WHAT'S THE PLAN
FOR THIS WEEKEND
49
00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:00,188
IN SUBURBAN HELL?
50
00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:02,055
- IS BUZZKILL YOUR DAD?
51
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:04,625
- I DESPERATELY NEED
AN ALLY INJECTION.
52
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,560
- AND YOUR KID NEEDS
A MAKEOVER.
53
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,563
I'D TRY TO KILL MYSELF TOO
IF I LOOKED LIKE THAT.
54
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:11,098
- KID GLOVES, AL.
55
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:13,100
[whispering]
IT'S STILL A SENSITIVE SUBJECT.
56
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:14,568
- GOTCHA. GOTCHA.
57
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,070
I AM THE QUEEN
OF TREADING LIGHTLY.
58
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:20,374
- THIS WAS COMING FROM A WOMAN
WHO HAD SIMPLY REFERRED TO ME
59
00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:22,543
AS "LIL' BITCH"
SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN.
60
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:23,777
- DON'T WORRY, LIL' BITCH,
61
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:26,747
I KNOW HOW WE CAN FIX
YOUR PITY PARTY.
62
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,949
WE'RE GONNA THROW
A KICKASS KEGGER
63
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:31,685
AND SHAKE THINGS UP
AROUND HERE!
64
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,521
- YES!
- NO WAY!
65
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:36,924
THERE IS NO WAY
WE ARE HAVING A PARTY.
66
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:39,527
- THINK ABOUT THE RED CUP
PHOTO OPS!
67
00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:40,894
- YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
68
00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:42,830
ALLY IS LIKE A HURRICANE
OF TROUBLE.
69
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,766
EVERY TIME SHE COMES TO TOWN,
I END UP AT CHILD SERVICES.
70
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:48,402
- YOU LIKE PONIES,
LIL' BITCH?
71
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,538
COOL. WE'RE GONNA BET
ON SOME.
72
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,375
WANT TO SEE
SOMETHING COOL?
73
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,944
I JUST TURNED THIS APPLE
INTO A PIPE.
74
00:02:56,944 --> 00:03:00,648
OH!
75
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,283
ROBERT AND I WERE
JUST ON THE COUCH
76
00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:04,618
PLAYING SIT & SPIN.
77
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:07,388
- OKAY, NO PARTY, BUT WHAT ABOUT
A SIMPLE KICKBACK?
78
00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:08,822
10, MAYBE 12 PEEPS?
79
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:11,024
- WITH ALLY, THERE IS
NO SUCH THING AS SIMPLE.
80
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,126
[ringtone plays]
81
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:14,262
HEY.
82
00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:16,430
- WHY AM I ALWAYS
THE LAST TO KNOW?
83
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,632
- KNOW WHAT?
- THAT YOU'RE HAVING A PARTY.
84
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,133
- WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT?
85
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,370
- IT'S ON YOUR STATUS UPDATE,
AND I CAN READ.
86
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:24,004
- I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
87
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,906
MOM!
88
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:28,309
MOM, ARE YOU LOGGED IN
TO MY HOME PAGE?
89
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:29,310
- MM-HMM.
- LOG OUT.
90
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,412
NOW!
91
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,547
- AS YOUR MOTHER,
IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY
92
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,016
TO MONITOR YOUR
INTERNET ACTIVITY...
93
00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:38,386
AND MAKE SURE SHE'S NOT
CHATTING UP ANY BARNEYS.
94
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:41,689
[laughter]
95
00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:43,023
- WAIT, WHAT'S A BARNEY?
96
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,358
- I DON'T KNOW
AND I DON'T CARE.
97
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,527
WE ARE NOT HAVING A PARTY.
- JENNA,
98
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,095
STOP BEING SO UNGRATEFUL!
99
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:51,365
YOUR AUNT ALLY IS BEING
VERY GENEROUS AND OPEN WITH YOU.
100
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,867
- THE ONLY THINK OPEN
ABOUT ALLY WERE HER LEGS.
101
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:56,103
ALLY IS NOT MY AUNT,
AND WHILE I APPRECIATE
102
00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:58,939
THE GESTURE OF HER GIFT,
I DON'T WANT IT.
103
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:03,311
[ringtone playing]
SO I WILL NOT BE ATTENDING
104
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:04,645
OR PARTICIPATING.
105
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:09,082
I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO
WITH THIS PARTY.
106
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,618
HEY.
107
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:13,487
- J-TOWN! HEY, I GOT
THE INVITE FOR YOUR PARTY.
108
00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:15,155
WHAT TIME SHOULD I BE THERE?
109
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:18,659
- HIS NAME IS RICKY SCHWARTZ.
110
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,628
- HE'S A BARNEY.
- HE'S JUST NOT PHOTOGENIC.
111
00:04:20,628 --> 00:04:22,330
- 9:00-ISH.
112
00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:23,564
- DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY GOOD
BEER, OR SHOULD I BRING SOME?
113
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,132
- NAH, WE GOT THAT COVERED.
114
00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:28,135
BUT WHAT'S YOUR FAVE?
115
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:31,038
- UH...GERMAN.
- ME TOO.
116
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,340
SEE YOU AT 9:00.
117
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:36,510
OKAY, FINE.
118
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,712
I GUESS I'LL HELP OUT
WITH THIS PARTY,
119
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,180
UNDER ONE CONDITION--
120
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,350
WE HAVE TO GET
GERMAN BEER.
121
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,084
- FINALLY ONE OF MY FRIENDS
THROWS A PARTY,
122
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:45,486
AND I'M ON HOUSE ARREST.
123
00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:47,455
- WE'LL GIVE YOU
THE PLAY BY PLAY TOMORROW.
124
00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:48,556
- IF YOU LEAVE YOUR iCHAT ON,
125
00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:49,623
I CAN BE YOUR VIRTUAL
PARTY POLICE
126
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:50,724
AND MONITOR ANY NASTINESS
127
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,526
THAT MIGHT OCCUR
IN YOUR BEDROOM.
128
00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:55,363
- YES! YOU CAN TOTALLY
HEAT OFF ANY SEXCRETIONS
129
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,497
THAT MIGHT HIT JENNA'S BED.
130
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:59,367
GOD FORBID WE HAVE TO CRASH
ON THAT SHIZNET.
131
00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:02,570
[ringtone playing]
132
00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:05,939
RICKY SCHWARTZ.
RICKY SCHWARTZ!
133
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:09,042
HELLO?
- HELLO, BEAUTIFUL.
134
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,611
- DON'T "BEAUTIFUL" ME.
135
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:13,481
- I CAN'T HELP IT.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
136
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:15,949
SO, HEY, IS IT COOL IF I BRING
MY CREW TO YOUR BESTIE'S PARTY?
137
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,385
- ARE THEY CUTE?
138
00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:18,986
- THEY'RE IN THE BAND.
- OH.
139
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:22,122
OKAY, WELL, NO KIKI.
140
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,757
- IS MY MUFFIN JEALOUS?
141
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:27,060
- NO. WE JUST WANT THIS
TO BE A CLEAN PARTY.
142
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,128
AND SHE'S A DIRTY GIRL.
143
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:30,263
I KNOW YOU DIGITIZED HER.
144
00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:33,300
- WHOA, WHOA.
SLOW DOWN, LITTLE LADY.
145
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,802
THESE HANDS DO NOT ROAM.
146
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:37,237
I'VE GOT MINE RESERVED
FOR YOU.
147
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,407
SEE YOU SOON?
- OR LATER.
148
00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:41,875
I'M CO-HOSTING.
CIAO.
149
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,477
EVERYONE WHO'S EVERYONE
IS COMING!
150
00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,846
OKAY, ARE YOU READY
TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE?
151
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,581
'CAUSE YOU'RE CROSSING OVER
A NEW BOUNDARY.
152
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:49,483
YOU'RE NOT JUST
A PARTY-GOER,
153
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,686
YOU ARE NOW A PARTY GIVER!
154
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,488
- IF MY PARTY IS
EPICALLY AWESOME,
155
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:58,426
MAYBE MATTY WILL FINALLY
SEE ME AS GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL.
156
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,896
MAYBE IT'S NOT TOO LATE
TO TELL MATTY NOT TO COME.
157
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:05,232
- YEAH, IT FINALLY COOLED OFF.
158
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:07,435
HAVE A DRINK
AND GET READY TO BE
159
00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:10,203
THE HOSTESSES
WITH THE MOSTESSES.
160
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,441
OH, NO, KEV,
WE'RE NOT DOING MUCH.
161
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:15,543
WE'RE ABOUT TO GO TO BED.
162
00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:18,746
OH, IS IT THAT EARLY?
163
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:21,148
- WHAT'S UP
WITH THE LONG FACES?
164
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:24,017
LOOKS LIKE A SARAH JESSICA
PARKER CONVENTION IN HERE.
165
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:26,319
- TO HAVE A PARTY,
WE SORT OF NEED PEOPLE.
166
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,522
- GOD, YOU GUYS ARE SO NEW.
167
00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:30,458
- [chuckles]
THIS IS A GOOD SIGN.
168
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:33,026
THIS MEANS THAT THE PEOPLE
THAT ARE COMING ARE COOL,
169
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:35,028
AND THEY KNOW
THE PROTOCOL.
170
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:37,197
- NO ONE WORTH TOKING WITH
SHOWS UP BEFORE 10:00.
171
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,466
EVER.
172
00:06:38,466 --> 00:06:41,068
UGH, LIL' BITCH,
173
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,803
YOU CAN'T HOST A RAGER
LOOKING LIKE THAT.
174
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:45,305
DO-OVER. NOW.
175
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:50,711
ALL RIGHT...
WE'RE GONNA TAPE YOUR GIRLS UP.
176
00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:54,648
- AND GIVE THE BOYS
SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT.
177
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:58,719
ALL RIGHT, PULL,
PULL, PULL...
178
00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:01,288
AND THEN BITE. BITE IT!
BITE IT HARD.
179
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,090
BITE IT. YOU GOT IT?
OKAY.
180
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,726
[tape ripping]
181
00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:08,228
AND UP! BOOM.
182
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:11,164
- WOW! TOTALLY GIVES THE
ILLUSION SHE'S GOT A BOD!
183
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:13,767
- AND NOW THAT YOU HAVE
CLEAVAGE,
184
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,636
I HAVE A DRESS YOU CAN WEAR.
185
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:18,238
[giggles]
186
00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:20,207
- I'M NERVOUS.
187
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:23,376
- POP THIS.
188
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:24,712
- BUT I'VE ALREADY HAD
TWO DRINKS.
189
00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:26,847
- DON'T BE A WUSS.
IT'S A BETA BLOCKER.
190
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:29,650
IT'LL JUST CALM YOU DOWN.
191
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,151
- GOT ANY TIPS FOR ME?
192
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:34,221
- WE DON'T HAVE
ENOUGH TIME.
193
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:35,322
- * COME ON AND GET IT *
194
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:36,724
* COME ON AND GET IT *
195
00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:40,227
* PUT IT IN YOUR FACE
AND YOU WON'T REGRET IT *
196
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,229
* YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT *
197
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,197
* YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT
ABOVE IT *
198
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,099
* *
199
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:48,035
* COME ON AND GET IT *
200
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:50,571
* *
201
00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:51,972
* I'M TOO EXCITED *
202
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,041
* COME ON AND GET IT *
203
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,743
[doorbell rings]
204
00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:59,279
* PUT IT IN YOUR FACE
AND YOU WON'T REGRET IT *
205
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:01,148
* YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT *
206
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,050
* YOU KNOW
YOU'RE NOT ABOVE IT *
207
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,418
* *
208
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:14,427
- [raspy snort]
209
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:17,865
- WAS IT POSSIBLE THAT MY MOTHER
LET A GUY SLEEP IN MY BED?
210
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:20,601
DUMB QUESTION.
OF COURSE IT WAS.
211
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:26,339
- FUN PARTY, LIL' BITCH.
212
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:29,577
GET A LITTLE DRINK IN YOU
AND THE GIRL GOES WILD.
213
00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:31,845
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN
BY WILD?
214
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:35,282
- WHEN YOU TOOK THAT KID OUT
WITH YOUR TONGUE...
215
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:36,416
I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU HAD IT IN YOU.
216
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:44,257
- FUNNY THING ABOUT
GETTING DRUNK? NOTHING.
217
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:46,994
FOR SIX HOURS,
I WAS WALKING AND TALKING,
218
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:49,663
AND THE MEMORY WAS
NONEXISTENT IN MY BRAIN.
219
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:53,266
I WAS SPIRAL CITY
IN EVERY SENSE.
220
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:54,702
TAMARA WASN'T ANSWERING
HER PHONE,
221
00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:56,904
SO I NEEDED
A CYBER-FORENSIC ASAP.
222
00:08:56,904 --> 00:09:00,974
BECAUSE ACCORDING TO ALLY,
I'D GOTTEN SOME ACTION.
223
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,076
AND APPARENTLY,
SO DID MY HOME PAGE.
224
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,623
- LEAVE A MESSAGE.
225
00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:18,391
T, IT'S ME...AGAIN.
226
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,628
I REALLY NEED TO DOWNLOAD.
CALL ME BACK.
227
00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,865
- GET OFF YOUR COMPUTER NOW.
228
00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:28,535
WE HAVE GOT FIVE HOURS
UNTIL YOUR DAD GETS HOME.
229
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:29,937
- UGH.
230
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:35,743
- SO, UM...
THIS GUY I MADE OUT WITH,
231
00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:38,211
WAS HIS NAME MATTY?
- I DON'T REMEMBER HIS NAME.
232
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:40,080
- ANYTHING YOU DO REMEMBER?
233
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:44,484
MM...
HE HAD ON GREEN SNEAKS.
234
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:47,788
- IT WAS POSSIBLE THAT
MATTY HAD GREEN SHOES,
235
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,690
BUT GREEN SEEMED
MORE JAKE'S COLOR.
236
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:54,728
- HEY, NO MORE SMOKING
IN MY HOUSE.
237
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,196
- WHY IS MOM SO PISSED?
238
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:58,498
- SHE'S NEVER BEEN ONE
TO HANDLE A HANGOVER.
239
00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:01,068
AND I THINK WE SORT OF
HAD A FIGHT LAST NIGHT.
240
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,569
- WHAT'D YOU DO?
241
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:03,937
- IT WAS JUST
A MISUNDERSTANDING.
242
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,072
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
243
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:06,173
- I COULDN'T WORRY.
244
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:08,208
I WAS ALREADY MAXED OUT
ON THAT EMOTION.
245
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,510
WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE
TO YOU?
246
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,079
- BOOBS.
247
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,985
THEY'RE THE DORK'S.
248
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:22,022
[hip-hop music plays]
249
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:24,357
- COME ON, SHOW ME
YOUR BOOBS.
250
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:27,594
- I CAN'T DO THAT.
- BUT YOU WANT TO.
251
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:29,763
- HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA
KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF?
252
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,564
- WHERE'S THE FUN
IN THAT?
253
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:32,900
- RICKY...
254
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:36,003
- WHOO. JUST PUT YOUR TITS
BEHIND THE GLASS
255
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:38,271
AND BE DONE WITH IT.
256
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:41,108
- OH, YEAH,
PUT 'EM ON THE GLASS.
257
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:43,276
PUT 'EM ON THE GLASS.
258
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:46,213
all: PUT 'EM ON THE GLASS.
PUT 'EM ON THE GLASS.
259
00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:49,082
PUT 'EM ON THE GLASS.
[cheers and applause]
260
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:52,019
- OH, T, YOU ARE
OFFICIALLY CUT OFF.
261
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:55,689
[all booing]
262
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,328
- IS SOMETHING WRONG
WITH MY BOOBS?
263
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,630
- NO.
- THEN WHY DID RICKY WALK AWAY?
264
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,132
- HE'S PROBABLY TRYING
TO HIDE HIS BONER.
265
00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:08,168
- HE LOOKED UPSET.
BONERS DON'T MAKE YOU UPSET.
266
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,903
GO TALK TO HIM.
TELL HIM I'M WASTED.
267
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,538
- [chuckles]
NO KIDDING.
268
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,907
- TELL HIM I'M WASTED
WASTED.
269
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,475
BUT KEEP YOUR EYES
ABOVE THE BELT
270
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,745
'CAUSE IF HE'S SPORTING WOOD,
I WANNA BE THE FIRST TO SEE.
271
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,446
- I GOT YOUR BACK.
272
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:25,819
HEY.
273
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:29,622
- HEY.
274
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:32,592
[chuckles]
275
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:35,028
OKAY...
276
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,163
WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE?
277
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:39,399
- OH, JUST WATCHING
THE SHOW. YEAH.
278
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,834
- WHAT SHOW?
279
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:45,605
- YOU.
280
00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:47,808
GUESS WHAT I AM DOING.
281
00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:51,511
WIPING YOUR BOOB SMUDGE
OFF THE GLASS.
282
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:54,414
AND I THINK I PDAed
WITH MATTY.
283
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:57,317
DID YOU SEE IT?
CALL ME.
284
00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:04,624
[laughs]
285
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,632
- WHOA, WHOA.
PARTY FOUL 101--
286
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:13,867
JUST FLIP OVER THE CUSHION.
287
00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:18,872
- OR...I COULD SIT ON IT
TO COVER IT UP.
288
00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:22,810
- BUT SEE,
NOW THERE'S A PROBLEM.
289
00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:24,711
YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE
THE COUCH.
290
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:30,117
- JAKE...
291
00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:33,586
YOU ARE ONE OF THE NICEST PEOPLE
I'VE EVER KNOWN.
292
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:37,457
HOW COME YOU'RE SO NICE?
293
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:40,360
YOU'RE LIKE A PUPPY.
294
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,962
- I DON'T THINK
THAT'S A COMPLIMENT.
295
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,431
- IT IS, BECAUSE...
296
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,536
I LOVE PUPPIES.
297
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:51,538
EVERYONE LOVES PUPPIES.
298
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,880
T, I'M WIGGING OUT.
I JUST HAD PARTIAL RECALL.
299
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,181
I'M NOT SURE
I GOT DOWN WITH MATTY
300
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,682
BECAUSE I THINK
IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN JAKE.
301
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:04,885
PLEASE CONFIRM OR DENY.
I'M LOSING IT.
302
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:09,522
- WHAT'S YOUR DEAL?
[chuckles]
303
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,925
I'M GETTING FROSTBITE
FROM YOUR COLD SHOULDER.
304
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,961
YOU REALLY CROSSED A LINE.
305
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:16,864
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT
YOU GAVE MY DAUGHTER DRUGS!
306
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:19,732
- RELAX,
THEY'RE PRESCRIPTION.
307
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:22,135
IT'S NOT LIKE I PASSED HER
A CRACK PIPE.
308
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,904
- SHE'S 15!
309
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:25,538
- OH, DON'T GO
ALL MARTYR ON ME.
310
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,875
WE WERE DOING WAY WORSE
AT HER AGE.
311
00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:29,209
- YEAH, AND LOOK WHERE
THAT GOT ME.
312
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,344
EVER THINK THAT I DIDN'T
WANT MY DAUGHTER
313
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:32,645
TO MAKE MY MISTAKES?
314
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,748
- SHE'S FINE.
STOP OVERREACTING.
315
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:38,751
- YOU KNOW--
[doorbell rings]
316
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:48,195
JENNA! DOOR!
317
00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:50,363
YOU NEED TO GROW UP.
318
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,900
AND PUT ON SOME CLOTHES.
319
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,602
[cans clattering]
320
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:03,243
- WELCOME.
[chuckles]
321
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,580
- HI.
322
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,016
- BAD TIMING?
- NOT AT ALL.
323
00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:11,284
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO
PUT MY HEAD IN THE OVEN.
324
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,086
- I JUST WANTED TO
GIVE THIS BACK TO YOU.
325
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,088
- WHY DO YOU HAVE
MY DAD'S SHIRT?
326
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,224
- YOU LOANED IT TO ME...
327
00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:18,959
AFTER YOU PUKED ON MINE?
328
00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:22,362
- I WHAT?
- YOU DON'T REMEMBER?
329
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,331
DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID
BEFORE YOU PUKED?
330
00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:26,934
- DID I--GIVE YOU A KISS?
331
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:29,836
- NO. NO,
YOU GAVE ME A LECTURE.
332
00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:31,338
- GOOD GOD, I'M SORRY.
333
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:33,140
- NO, NO, DON'T BE.
LOOK, YOU WERE RIGHT.
334
00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,708
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE KISSED YOU
AFTER DETENTION.
335
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,278
IT WAS A CRAPPY THING TO DO
CONSIDERING I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.
336
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:40,780
THINK YOU CAN
FORGET ABOUT IT?
337
00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:43,083
- FORGETTING THINGS
WAS NOT MY PROBLEM.
338
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,217
ALREADY FORGOTTEN.
339
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,954
- GOOD. GOOD.
SO YOU'RE GOOD.
340
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:49,957
AND I'M GOOD
AND WE'RE GOOD AND, UH...
341
00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:55,562
JUST FRIENDS.
342
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,531
OH, HAVE YOU SEEN
A STANFORD HAT LAYING AROUND?
343
00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:00,400
I GUESS MATTY FORGOT IT.
ASKED ME TO PICK IT UP FOR HIM.
344
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:04,871
- NO, I HAVEN'T, BUT I WILL
KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR IT.
345
00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:06,606
- THANKS.
346
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,308
- SEE YA.
- WEIRD.
347
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,777
IF MATTY WANTED HIS HAT BACK,
WHY WOULDN'T HE CALL ME?
348
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:13,981
[door shuts]
349
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:15,983
WHERE DID YOU GET
THAT HAT?
350
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:17,517
- I FOUND IT IN THE HALL.
351
00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:27,160
- [chuckles]
ALL RIGHT.
352
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,861
YOU'RE PRETTY MESSED UP,
HAMILTON.
353
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:31,264
- YOU'RE ONE TO TALK.
354
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:34,234
- YEAH, WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
355
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:36,369
- YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT.
356
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:37,804
"I'M MATTY MCKIBBEN..."
357
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:41,474
- OKAY...
- "I PLAY SOCCER. I'M HOT.
358
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:42,809
EVERYONE LOVES ME."
359
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:45,012
[laughs drunkenly]
360
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,846
- COME ON,
THAT'S NOT COOL.
361
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,115
- WHY? IT'S TRUE.
362
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,516
YOU NEVER WANT
TO BE SEEN WITH ME.
363
00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:53,720
BECAUSE I'M NOT COOL?
364
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:57,557
BECAUSE YOU THINK
YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME?
365
00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:59,026
- THAT'S NOT IT.
366
00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:00,527
WHY WOULD I BE HERE
IF I DIDN'T LIKE YOU?
367
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,030
BECAUSE YOU LIKE TO PARTY.
368
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:08,568
- WHATEVER.
369
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,474
CAN I--CAN I PLEASE
HAVE MY HAT BACK?
370
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,744
- YOU HAVE TO EARN IT.
371
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,579
- FINE. THEN KEEP IT.
372
00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:29,256
- IN MY ATTEMPT
TO REMEMBER THE NIGHT,
373
00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:33,960
I DISCOVERED WHY SOME THINGS
WERE CONVENIENT TO FORGET.
374
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,735
[ringtone plays]
375
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:44,637
HELLO?
376
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:46,139
- [whispering]
ARE YOU ALIVE?
377
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:49,376
- BARELY.
WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING?
378
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,378
- I'M SUPPOSED TO BE
LEARNING PORTUGUESE,
379
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:52,512
BUT I HAD TO CALL WHEN I SAW
380
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,214
THOSE CRAZY PARTY PICS
THAT WERE POSTED.
381
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:56,116
- WHAT CRAZY PICS?
382
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,317
- MING!
383
00:16:57,317 --> 00:17:00,320
- [loudly]
I HAVE TO GO, GRANDMA.
384
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,222
YES, I'M STUDYING HARD.
385
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:04,357
[whispers]
CHECK YOUR PAGE.
386
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,294
- * I CALLED JUST TO SAY *
[ringtone chimes]
387
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:09,829
* I KNOW WHERE YOU'VE BEEN *
388
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,998
- MY HEAD WAS THROBBING,
389
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,767
BUT IT WASN'T JUST
FROM LACK OF HYDRATION.
390
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:17,904
IT WAS ALSO FROM
EXCESSIVE HUMILIATION.
391
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:19,839
AND THE QUESTION
STILL REMAINED--
392
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,742
HAD I ATTACKED MATTY
WITH MY TONGUE...
393
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:26,313
IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE?
394
00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:29,015
AND DID I RUIN HIS SHOES?
395
00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:31,851
[computer chimes]
396
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,187
- * YOU FELL OVER ME *
397
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,889
* I FELL FOR THE LINE *
398
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,192
* *
399
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:44,831
NO...EFFING...WAY!
400
00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:53,039
- SO I GUESS
I'M GONNA GO.
401
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:54,141
- BYE.
402
00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:55,242
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
403
00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:58,445
- I DON'T KNOW.
MY PARENTS', I GUESS.
404
00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:01,548
I [bleep] UP.
405
00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:03,650
- CAN I TELL YOU A SECRET?
406
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,885
- YOU'RE A LESBIAN.
407
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:08,188
I ALREADY KNEW THAT.
- NO.
408
00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:11,658
WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY IS
MY MOM'S PRETTY EASY.
409
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:14,161
JUST APOLOGIZE TO HER
AND MEAN IT,
410
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,163
THEN GIVE HER A COMPLIMENT.
411
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:19,466
- YOU KNOW, LIL' BITCH,
412
00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:21,768
YOU AREN'T AS ANNOYING
AS YOU WERE A YEAR AGO.
413
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,436
- THANKS?
414
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,839
- AND I'M SORRY
I DRUGGED YOU.
415
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:29,008
AND THAT I PEED
IN YOUR CLOSET.
416
00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:32,579
LACE.
417
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:35,215
- WHAT?
418
00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:37,384
- I AM SORRY.
419
00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:40,953
I SCREWED UP,
AND IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
420
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,728
MM...YOU GOTTA
PUT ON SOME WEIGHT.
421
00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,299
I CAN FEEL YOUR BONES.
422
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:54,801
- I'M NOT THAT SKINNY.
423
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,536
- YES, YOU ARE.
424
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:59,506
IN FACT, I THINK YOU NEED
TO GO TAKE YOUR KID OUT
425
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,641
FOR A DOUGHNUT.
426
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,212
- I LOVE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU TOO.
427
00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:08,448
[laughter]
428
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:09,782
- KID?
429
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:12,452
- CAN WE MAKE A DETOUR
ON THE WAY HOME?
430
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:15,455
- A DOZEN DOUGHNUTS?
431
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,357
DON'T YOU THINK
IT'S A BIT OVERKILL?
432
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:20,092
- NOT GIVEN THE SITUATION.
433
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:23,230
- AW, HONEY,
IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.
434
00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:25,432
YOU GET TO A POINT
WHERE YOUR FRIENDS,
435
00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:28,000
THEY AREN'T JUST
YOUR FRIENDS ANYMORE.
436
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,602
THEY'RE FAMILY.
437
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:35,041
TAMARA'S FAMILY, AND SHE'S--
SHE'S GONNA FORGIVE YOU.
438
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:42,048
[doorbell rings]
439
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,616
- I'M SORRY.
440
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,456
T!
441
00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:52,259
[doorbell rings]
442
00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:54,026
[glass shatters]
443
00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:03,002
T! ALLY DRUGGED ME.
444
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:06,639
I WOULD NEVER WILLINGLY MAKE OUT
WITH RICKY SCHWARTZ. EVER!
445
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,343
- WHY, CAUSE YOU'RE
TOO GOOD FOR HIM?
446
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:11,511
'CAUSE YOU'RE TOO GOOD
FOR ME
447
00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:13,780
NOW THAT MATTY McKIBBEN
LIKES YOU?
448
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:15,181
JENNA, WAKE UP!
449
00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:17,917
HE'S JUST USING YOU
FOR SEX.
450
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,652
AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?
451
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:21,888
I'M SO GLAD
I WROTE YOU THAT LETTER.
452
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:30,363
YOU'RE DEAD TO ME,
JENNA HAMILTON.
453
00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:34,534
Captioning by CaptionMax
www.captionmax.com
454
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:37,804
- AND FOR THE FIRST TIME...
455
00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:40,072
I FELT DEAD TO ME TOO.
456
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:44,711
- NEXT ON AWKWARD...
- * A LITTLE BIRDY TOLD ME *
457
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:45,812
* YOU'RE THE BIRTHDAY GIRL *
458
00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:46,813
* BUT DON'T EAT
SO MUCH CAKE *
459
00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:48,415
* THAT YOU WANNA HURL *
460
00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:51,284
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
- ONCE MORE WITH FEELING.
461
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:55,955
- [funny voice]
WHAT'S A HAPPENIN', HOT STUFF?
462
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:57,524
- JENNA, OVER HERE.
463
00:20:57,524 --> 00:20:59,459
- FRIENDS?
32469
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