All language subtitles for baby_steps_2023_-_gvdblog

Not sure this was a good idea.

Why not?

Sounds like wallowing.

We're not wallowing.

We're remembering.

Do you think we'd still be together a
year later?

I try not to have any more speculations.

Okay, no.

I didn't, not really.

Fine, then we're there.

Bye.

I hope.

Happy anniversary, by the way.

You too.

You happy, Bill?

Sometimes.

Sometimes very happy.

I know we made the right choice, but
love doesn't fix everything, does it?

No.

So...

Besides Nick and Lily, what's broken?

I didn't say broken.

You know, some dad, I could be able to
pull my own weight.

No, I don't think so. You do.

Still not going.

You know I don't care.

I know, but I care. I do care.

You're really talented.

Is this getting steadily better you get
there?

Can't cook for shit.

You're not that bad.

The standards are low. Lily can cook
either. True.

What else?

Nothing.

I realize life is perfect.

Nothing's perfect.

Okay. Life is good.

You're good and we're good together.

Surprisingly good.

He's really mad.

Yeah. Yeah, but you need a little
silliness.

Are you expecting something?

It's from my attorney.

Something about Lily?

My love, forgive me for haunting you
like this, but...

Since I don't believe in an afterlife,
this is the only way I can haunt you.

I figured you'd need some healing before
you could give this idea the

consideration it deserves.

I know this past year must have been
hard. I probably can't even imagine how

hard. I hope you and Caden have found a
way to help each other through it.

Enclosed is a bill.

It's up to you to decide whether to
continue paying.

I have frozen ten of my prime.

Pre -chemo eggs.

I know you've always wanted to be a
father.

It was always my plan to be a mother.

That obviously isn't going to happen.
But if you want, you can still have a

child that is ours.

No pressure.

I'll never know either way. But it's
given me a bit of comfort here at the

to think of you holding and loving a
child that is part of both of us. Do

will make you happy.

Having you as my husband.

It made me incredibly happy.

I hope you know that in every part of
you.

Holy crap.

You didn't know about this?

No. No, of course not.

I thought you guys shared everything.

So did I.

Well, we always did have a clear
dramatic.

Not yet.

Hey, is Lily right?

Have you always wanted kids?

I mean, yeah.

It's always the life I imagined.

Wife, kids.

I guess I'm not much of a wife.

No, but you're a damn good best friend
with benefits.

So that's what we're calling it?

I still have no idea what to call it. At
work, I prefer you as my partner.

Which sounds like we started an
accounting firm together.

Well, with my friends, I just call you
my fuck buddy. You do not.

No.

I'd say boyfriend.

Very middle school, but better than
partner.

What about you?

Have you ever imagined being a dad?

I always thought I'd be an awesome uncle
to the kids you and Lily had, but I

never imagined myself as grown up enough
to be a dad or have kids of my own.

And what about now?

Are you?

Asking me if I want to have kids with
you?

I don't know. We're just talking
hypothetically.

Okay. Well, hypothetically, I think I've
got to get back to you.

For what it's worth, I think you would
be a great dad.

Ah, snickerdoodle. Well, more like
snickerdoodle -flavored charcoal.

The first batch didn't go well, but this
time I'm setting the timer.

Ah, thanks.

Why the sudden baking frenzy?

One of my most vivid childhood memories
was Mom baking.

Lily and I used to sneak these off the
cooling rack while they were still warm.

Why the nostalgia?

Your mom's okay, isn't she?

Yeah, she's fine.

Dad, too.

Look, if we do decide to have a kid, I
just want to be able to create the same

kind of memories.

You know?

I get it.

But not all positive memories have to do
with baked goods.

Whoa! We are not raising our kids in
some kind of gluten -free, sugar -free

zone.

Our kids?

I never thought any two words could be
that terrifying.

I thought you were committed to the kid
idea.

What? No.

I mean, I love kids. I want kids.

But this isn't exactly how I imagined
having them.

But me, you mean.

You realized you'd be their father and
their uncle.

That's not going to be good to you,
then.

Are you sure the confusion is just for
them?

Okay.

Having kids together would mean that
this, or us, is more than just... A

To be honest, it's very... It's rival.

They say everyone grieves in their own
way, and I thought maybe this was mine.

It was more than that.

It always was more for me.

But I also know that we never would have
gotten together if we hadn't gone

through losing Lily together.

It doesn't make any less real, though,
does it?

No.

No, it doesn't.

If it's here, our whole relationship has
been in a kind of bubble.

We don't really hang out with your
friends. We don't really hang out with

friends. We don't have any couple
friends.

Which bothers me, but you can't raise a
kid that way.

Right. As they say, it takes the village
people.

That's funny.

Seriously, any kid of ours is going to
have two dads and a dead mom.

I mean, that's not exactly a great
bunch.

No, not exactly.

What can a dude jump into the gay
parenting community? I don't even know

should call myself gay. Trust me, kids
don't give a shit how their parents

identify. They just accept whatever they
get.

We can be daddy and papa or dad and pops
and that'll just be that.

But they do need a community to be a
part of.

We can't raise them in a vacuum.

And that all starts with us being
comfortable as a couple.

Having kids together is more than just a
commitment to them. It's you and me

committing to each other.

You ready for that?

I think so.

Are you?

I mean, you know how commitment -phobic
I've always been. I do.

But I know that I love you, and I want
to be ready.

And maybe that's as close as someone
like me is going to get.

No pressure.

Keep thinking about it.

Meantime, I think I'm going to call the
crown facility and pay them for the next

year. Good.

Hmm.

I do think we should get out of our
bubble, start being more social.

Okay.

What do you have in mind?

No clue.

Not like I have a ton of friends.

Well, would it be cool if I invited over
the guys to watch the game with us this

weekend? Of course.

And I think it's sweet that you want to
become Betty Crocker to our imaginary

children.

But kids don't need homemade cookies if
they have love and stability.

Private school.

Well... Shit, I forgot to set the timer.
I'm not fucking up this fast.

Alright,

the game doesn't start for another few
minutes.

Everyone got everything they need?

Yep, all's good.

Okay, I think I know what everybody's
thinking.

Which one of us is the man and which one
of us is the woman?

Dude, we just thought of you as a girl.

Oh, fuck off.

I was kind of wondering that.

Seriously, Grady? He brought it up.

You can't pretend like it's not kind of
weird.

Caden got laid more than any of us in
college. Dude had game.

Hey, I still have game.

It's just...

Not limited to the lady. Actually, it
never was.

I called it. See, I knew he swam both
ways.

Jesus, Mike. You're not exactly psychic.

Caden told us that like a million years
ago. He did not.

I did the night we graduated.

I remember. It's just, we were fucked up
that night.

I didn't take it seriously.

Besides, I mean, who hasn't had a bit
too much to drink and let a guy go down

them, you know? No, I can't.

No.

It doesn't make you gay or bi or
whatever. It's just, like, come on,

me up here. Oh, sorry. No one put me in
charge of any of the gay cards.

But you're not, like, gay gay, though,
right? Because, like, I mean, like, you

know, uh, Candace, that was real. Yeah,
that was very real. Our guy, this just

isn't that complicated.

He likes girls. He likes guys. This is
no big deal.

Yeah, but you gotta like one more than
the other.

Right now, I like both.

More than anyone else.

And that is all that matters.

Look, I understand the curiosity.

Truth is, figuring it out.

Cool. That's real cool.

And don't let Grady's incredibly
insensitive comments worry you. He's

just being Grady.

He whacks the filter that normal people
have.

Ah, but I do have a filter.

You also hear the shit I don't think.

That is truly frightening.

I can't imagine, but I would pay to read
it.

Are we going to actually watch the game,
or are we going to sit here and listen

to him talk about where Caden puts his
dick? Come on.

Yeah, thanks for cleaning us out of
snacks and beer, asshole.

Yeah.

Oh, sorry.

For what?

It's good to have some company over for
the game.

Really?

It started off a bit weird.

And Grady is kind of a lot.

But Josh and Mike have been cool. Oh,
they are.

And Grady's a good guy once he gets to
know him.

I can see that.

Josh is the one who's married and has a
kid. He's kind of like the grown -up in

our group.

He was in the military before college.

You're saying he's old, like me.

I'm saying that it might be nice to have
friends with kids.

You know, if we go down that path.

Yes, I agree.

I don't think I ever realized how
straight they all are.

Nothing wrong with straight. I thought I
was straight for the first 39 years of

my life. Yeah, I know, but I just feel
like at this point, maybe we could try

hanging out with a more diverse crowd.

So good to see you, Beau.

And you too, Katie.

Although I have to admit, I didn't
imagine you two together in a million

Join the club.

It's so great to finally meet you guys.

Alex has told me the whole story. I
think it's really hot.

I mean, not the part about Lily dying.
That was terrible, obviously.

Two straight men falling in love?

My God.

The stuff of gay romance novels.

I wasn't exactly straight.

Well, yeah, of course.

But you really only dated women, right?

I dated.

Yeah. Yeah.

Beau was the real deal, though.

Never even had a jackal buddy in high
school.

Right?

Right. Sorry.

You know Lily tended to overshare.

So, now do you consider yourself what?

Gay, bisexual, sexually fluid.

I don't know.

I still feel like the same person I've
always been.

I always used to be straight, but I
don't know where we came from.

Well, whatever you call it, I know Lily
would be proud of the both of you.

And I know she didn't believe in an
afterlife, but I'd have to think she's

around here somewhere just looking at
the two of you and going.

The Lily.

The Lily.

It was good to see you, Hayden.

I'm really happy. That was a great time.

Yeah, great.

Super good, though.

Oh, very good. Which is obviously fine.
Obviously, but, uh... God, when...

You went off on that rant about ginger
men?

At first I thought he was talking about
a cat.

I thought it was like a oral hiking
problem. I did not. We are hopeless.

I just think there are too many seasons
of RuPaul's Drag Race 5 right now. We're

never going to catch up.

Do you want to get caught up?

All the cool shows are Netflix and 5.

Girl's got to have her priorities.

Right?

I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable
referring to myself with female

pronouns. Even as a joke, even with you.

Sorry. Yeah, I'd probably die of shock
if you ever did.

Salad's done.

How are the burgers coming along?

Another five minutes.

Nothing, you just look like such a dad.

What am I getting, a dad mod?

No, no, that's not what I meant.

I remember my dad throwing burgers and
hot dogs every summer.

It's a good memory.

If we did have kids, would I be the mom?

You have the hips for it. Who would be
the primary parent?

Somebody's got to handle all the
doctor's appointments, the middle -of

-night feedings, the kissing the boo
-boos when they fall down.

We'd share all that.

No gender roles, right? We split
everything 50 -50.

Does that make the most sense, though?

If you've got a real job, that's how we
have such a nice house, how someday

we'll be able to afford private school.

So you want to be the mom.

Hence the attempted cookie pick. I don't
know. I guess I'm trying it on. It

seems to make the most sense.

Maybe, logistically.

Is that what you want?

I just don't know.

I know I could be a fantastic uncle.

I think I could be a good dad.

I just... I don't know if I could handle
being a mom.

When you drive around the block, you're
not done with the grocery list.

Since when do we have a grocery list?
Since I started cooking better meals.

I'm planning recipes, so that means
buying specific things, not just picking

whatever crap seems appealing between
the beer and the chip dial.

Do you hear yourself?

You sound like a... Don't, don't say it.
I... Like a mom?

I'm not sure this is a good idea.

Why not?

You're here to help gay couples who are
thinking about having kids.

I'm not exactly a gay couple.

You're certainly not a straight couple.
Hi, everyone. Please take a seat.

My name is Beth.

And a couple years ago, I was sitting
where you are.

And now my wife and I have a beautiful
baby girl.

I'm not going to lie. It's been a long,
expensive, and sometimes traumatic

journey to parenthood.

But for us, it's been so worth it.

And maybe it will be worth it for you,
too.

We're going to show a brief
presentation, and then afterwards we'll

questions.

Okay then, if no one else has any
questions, that ends the formal part of

meeting. Stick around, get to know each
other, there's coffee and snacks in the

back.

So what'd you think?

Um, that's some great information.

Hey, hey, what's the hurry?

We don't know any of these people.

Right, and we won't if we don't talk to
them.

I don't know if I act around groups of
gay people.

Lily was fine. I could just be the cool,
silent, straight guy hanging out with

his wife. Hey, newsflash, you were never
cool. And apparently not entirely

straight. Point taken.

If I could smile and nod and let me take
the lead, now I'm in an actual

relationship with a guy.

The gays expect me to be one of them,
and I'm just not.

Makes it hard to connect. Okay, okay.
People connect around a common interest.

All these people are thinking about
having kids, just like I am.

So, let's go talk to them.

No, no, no.

Hi, I'm Caden. This is Bo.

We're thinking about having a baby.

Well, yeah, that's kind of a part of us
all here.

Right. Obviously.

Are you thinking of surrogacy or
adoption?

Surrogacy.

Yeah,

there's a bit of a story there.

So, Beau wants us to have kids.

You're having trouble conceiving, am I
right?

Uh -huh. Sorry.

But seriously, bro, congrats.

I haven't agreed yet.

Why? You love kids.

No, I mean, we're really solid, and I do
love kids, but... But, whoa, what's the

holdup? It's just... How did you and
Haley know you were ready?

Dude, if people waited until they were
ready, the human race would have died

by now. Yeah, but isn't having kids
before you're ready the reason why the

race is so fucked up?

I mean, maybe, but you're not going to
fuck it up any worse than the rest of

How do you know?

Being a parent is playing for keeps. I
have never had a relationship that I

couldn't get out of.

That's bullshit.

You've never been able to escape being
your parent's son or Lily's brother.

That's different.

No, it's not.

It's family, and you've always shown up
for family.

What you did for Lily, that was above
and beyond.

Yeah, but I wanted to do that for Lily.

And you don't think you're going to want
to be there for that kid?

Trust me, once you see its tiny,
scrunched, angry, red little face,

to melt.

I know you, man. You're going to kill
this. No, that's just it. I'm worried

I might actually kill it. Don't babies
have that soft, squishy part of their

head where you might actually poke their
brains out? Hayden, the soft, squishy

part is adorable, and you're not going
to poke anybody's brains out. Well, you

don't know that.

I'll read the books and all, but I don't
know shit about babies.

You think I did?

Look, you'll figure it out. You're dumb,
but you're not that dumb.

Are you sure?

You and Bo babysit sometime.

We could use the break, and it'll give
you a sense of what it's like to take

care of a kid.

I don't know. I feel like if I
accidentally kill your kid, it might put

on our friendship.

Now, the freezing of human eggs is still
relatively new, so we don't know how

long they'll be viable.

So we should use them sooner rather than
later.

Yeah, all the evidence suggests that
they'll be good for many years, but I

you guys to know that eggs aren't the
only factor.

Men's sperm become less viable as they
age. You're like, what, 50?

Just turned 40, actually.

Okay.

Oh, you're serious. Oh, okay. Well, if
you're serious about it, we should do a

sperm count.

And if it's all good, we should freeze a
sample.

Your gametes will never be in better
shape than they are right now.

You seem younger. Your sperm should be
in terrific shape.

The eggs are my sister's, so hard pass.

Oh, yuck.

That wasn't in my file. Well, it was my
twin.

Isn't there an increased chance of twins
or even triplets within vitro? There

used to be, but now we can screen pretty
effectively for viability and...

We only implant one embryo at a time.

But we could still do two if we wanted
to.

Yeah, if your surrogate says yes. I
don't see why not. Doc, never mind the

surrogate. What about me? I haven't even
grown to one yet.

But we don't want an only child, though,
right? And if we're planning on having

more than one, doesn't it make sense to
do them both at the same time?

I don't know.

This is happening awfully, awfully fast.

Oh, shh, shh, shh.

Why don't you boys take some time?

Think about what we've discussed.

And in the meantime, I'd really like to
collect your sperm.

I was speaking professionally. You guys
got that right?

Sorry,

I got a little panicky, but she's a
twin. I don't know, you just sprung that

me.

Actually, I have.

I've decided.

What?

I don't want to pressure you, but I
think we can make it work.

The world is fucked up, you know, and
we'd be bringing a lifer alive

into this mess.

The world has always been fucked up.

These kids will have two parents who
love them and would do anything for

That's more than most people get.

Plus, with your jeans and Lily's jeans,
I guess they'll be super smart and

gorgeous.

Some of those jeans are yours, too, you
know.

Yeah, I know.

I guess it's kind of cool, but I'm
mostly excited for a bit of Lily to live

So that kind of sounds like you want to
do this? No, no, that's not what I... I

don't not want it. I just, I'm thinking
that I've got to take it.

Hi, Caden.

Oh, hi, Haley.

Hi, Millie.

Millie, say hi to Uncle Caden.

You're not really my uncle.

No, I'm not.

Millie, why don't you go play with your
friends?

Mommy, come with me. I want to talk with
Caden. You go have fun.

Please, Mommy. Please, I have to play my
bike.

Justin!

Thanks again for watching Millie this
afternoon.

Justin, I so appreciate it. Oh, are you
kidding me? You guys are doing me a

favor. I have this theoretical idea that
I love kids, but I'm barely ever around

them.

Yeah, Josh was saying you and Bo are
thinking of having some of your own?

we are. Well, Bo really wants them. I
don't know.

I mean, they're so adorable.

I've never really taken on that much
responsibility.

I usually break out into a rash at the
thought of signing a six -month leave.

I'm not kidding.

I mean, the responsibility of another
human life, that's terrifying.

Yeah, no shit. I lost Millie once in a
mall for like a minute.

And I seriously thought my heart was
going to explode. It was pounding so

But at least women have those maternal
instincts.

I mean, what do I have?

You're good luck.

Come on, Caden.

You care.

You really think that's good enough?

Don't get me wrong.

You're going to fuck up.

We all fuck up.

But the good parents are the ones trying
not to fuck up. And that'll be you and

Beau.

I haven't even really met Beau yet.

I know that if you do this, it'll be
because you both really want it. And not

because it happened or because it's
expected.

Millie would plan, but I can't tell you
how many of the people I went to high

school with are having kids because it's
time or because their birth control

failed. Or because they were too drunk
or high to worry about birth control in

the first place.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a pretty shitty
reason to bring new life into the world.

Agreed.

It's a grilled cheese sandwich.

It was my favorite when I was your age.

I'm lactose intolerant.

Oh, shit.

Okay. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

You're busted.

I am busted.

Don't worry. My dad says that word all
the time.

My mom says I'm not supposed to say it
unless I'm talking about actual poop.

Then it's okay. But poop is still
better.

Your mom is a wise woman.

I guess I should have asked you what you
wanted for lunch. I'm sorry.

Because I can't live.

I'm not hungry.

Can I go play outside?

Outside?

Like, in the street?

In the yard. No one plays in the street.

Oh, right.

Do we have, like, a ball or anything?

I wouldn't have thought a four -year
-old would know the term lactose

intolerant.

Oh, we're lucky you broke up.

Most kids would have just eaten a
sandwich, and we would have had to

Haley and Josh why their daughter has
the runs.

She's a great kid.

I have to tell you, it's only been a
couple hours, and I'm exhausted.

Well, buckle up, buttercup.

You're going to have twins who are going
to be exhausted 24 -7 for years.

Yeah, but it'll be worth it.

Kids are such a...

Oh, crap. Where'd she go?

Millie?

Where are you, honey? We can't play Hide
and Go Seek without everyone knowing

we're playing.

Check in the front. I'll check in the
front.

Millie?

Oh, come on, Millie.

Please don't get me up. They're dead.

Honey, you in here?

Millie?

Millie?

Privacy, please.

I told the grown -ups to help when it's
just number one.

Okay, honey.

Let us know if you need anything.

Is she with you?

Yes, she's here.

Uh, just a pee break. And she's four, so
she doesn't need our help.

Just FYI.

Lily,

if any part of you remains out there in
the universe, please...

Hey, babe.

Sorry to bother you. I know you're
working.

But, um... Yeah, I need you.

Okay.

What's up?

Can you, uh... be Lily for a minute?

Look, I'm all for role -playing, but...
Look, I just... I just need Lily to help

me make this decision.

About her?

Yes! I never made a decision this big
without talking to her. And...

You know, it's like she can just pee
through my bullshit and she doesn't just

cheerlead. She gives it to me straight.
Can you do that for me?

I'm not going to imitate her, but I can
try to put myself in her mindset.

Okay.

Thanks. Um, here goes.

I think I may be too selfish a person to
be a good parent.

Aren't you the man who dropped
everything to become a world -class

his sick sister?

No, that wasn't unselfish. I did that
because I love Lily so much. Not that I

needed to be here with her.

What makes you think you won't feel that
way about your own kids?

But that's what Josh said.

But what if I don't? I think every
parent worries about this, but it hardly

happens.

Maybe that's why nature makes all baby
mammals so adorable.

Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, even
baby possums are cute, but they grow up

to be freaking hideous.

Well, chances are really strong these
kids are going to be adorable.

And even if they're not, I bet you'll
instantly love them beyond all reason.

And if I don't?

Maybe not in an instant, but I know you,
and you are so full of love, I can't

imagine you won't find a nice big chunk
of it for these small creatures who

depend on you. I think that's what
scares me.

Yeah, I'm...

I'm like the world's most grown -up,
grown -up, and even my heart gets a beat

when I think about how much they're
going to need us.

Especially at first.

Right? I mean, how on earth do people do
this?

The way they accomplish anything.

Self -delusion? They focus on the good,
and they do the bad as best they can.

Isn't that pretty much what I said?

That help?

I mean, at the end there, I think I was
mostly being mean, not really.

Maybe, but I think Lily would have said
pretty much the same thing.

For what it's worth, I think she'd want
this for you.

For us.

Yeah. Yeah, she would.

But you can't do it for her.

Or for me.

You have to do it because it's what you
want. I know. And I do want it.

Just...

I don't know if I can handle it. It
won't be just you. It'll be us.

And I think we can handle it. In fact, I
think we'll be great.

We worked as a team and didn't panic
when we lost Millie. No, we can't ever

Hayley and Josh about that. Ever.

Take it to our graves.

Paul? Paul, wake up.

What? We have an earthquake.

Metaphorically.

Our lives are about to be shaken.

We're going to be parents.

And that means you need to start getting
used to being woken up suddenly in the

middle of the night.

And so you decided?

I decided.

Thank you.

I'm doing it for you.

I know.

Thank you for being the kind of man
who's willing to push past his fears.

Am I feeling what I think I'm feeling?

Maybe.

You know, that's not how we're going to
make these babies.

Nobody wants to try it on, do you?

Not at all.

You're okay with us trying for twins,
right?

Yeah, I've only ever known being a twin,
so in a way it makes perfect sense.

But it does mean twice as many diapers,
twice as much everything.

Yeah, but at least we get it all out of
the way at the same time.

You don't have to convince me.

I'm in.

I just hope we know what we're doing.

Probably don't.

Your parents managed to muddle through
it.

I'm sure we will, too.

Yes,

we will, Daddy.

Maybe don't call me that.

I'm just enough. Yeah, no, I heard it
the moment it came out of my mouth.

You sure you don't want me to come in
and help?

That'd be weird.

I bet people do it all the time.

I bet they don't.

Once you give them your sample, how long
before we know if the sperm is viable?

A few days, I think.

Yeah.

So do they, like, take one and just,
like, inject it into the egg, or do they

take the egg and just drop it in a
big...

pool of your splooge and let the best
one win.

What?

I have no idea.

I guess that's a question for Dr.
Nguyen.

So to what do I owe this honor?

I hardly see you anymore.

Yeah, sorry. We've been pretty busy.
Kind of a lot going on, actually.

So things are going well?

Yeah. Yeah, really well.

Do you remember I always liked Beau?

Long before you did. Yeah, I know. You
were always smarter than me.

Yeah, well, here I am. Still duck
working a nowhere job for shitty pay.

Okay, that's kind of what I wanted to
talk to you about.

You have a job for me? If you're finally
moving into nude photography, I expect

top dollar and I have photo approval.

Oh, no, no, that's not it.

But it's good to know your terms and you
do have the body for it.

Thanks.

So what is it then?

Okay.

Kind of no awkward way to say it, but
I'm just going to come out and say it.

Have you ever thought about being a
surrogate?

Seriously?

Yeah. Seriously.

Lily froze some eggs.

Holy shit.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know. Um, Bo and I have been...
thinking really hard on it, and we

decided we'd like to try it out.

And you're not about to ruin your
figure.

Okay, we'd pay you, of course. And we
did a little research, and $25 ,000 is

pretty standard. Plus, we'd cover
medical expenses, obviously.

$25 ,000?

I mean, you could finally go back to
school and finish school, or bank it for

rainy day.

Uh, yeah, this...

This is a lot to think about. I know.
And we don't expect an answer right

But will you consider it?

Would you want me to be involved in the
kid's life?

Absolutely. And there might be two kids.

Oh, my. Holy shit.

I'm sorry. I know I said that already.
No, it bears repeating.

And no matter who carries the baby.

We'd hope that you'd like to be Aunt
Candace.

The kids are going to need good female
role models.

In the absence of good ones, you'll
settle for me?

Exactly.

It is an intriguing offer.

I'm not saying yes, but I'm also not
saying no.

Thank you.

You're the best.

Hey.

What's wrong?

Just, um... This isn't how I imagined
carrying you.

You know, I did love you.

Even if I was...

Too big a jerk to say it.

No.

I knew it then.

It doesn't make it easy.

And your hope is long since when When

there's no one left to call And you

just reached for your last straw Hey,

so how'd it go?

Well, uh, the good news is she didn't
say no.

She's intrigued.

Great!

The other news is that we

kind of hooked up.

Very funny.

It wasn't planned. It just sort of
happened.

Was it before or after you asked her to
carry our babies?

After.

I was so excited that she was
considering it. We hugged, which turned

kissing. Yeah, I understand how hooking
up works.

So, why are you telling me this?

Because it happens.

And we don't keep secrets from each
other. So this is the first time you've

this? Of course.

I told you, no secrets.

I also thought we didn't fuck our ex
-girlfriend.

Well, to be fair, we never discussed it.

I didn't think we had to discuss it.

Lots of couples these days aren't
monogamous, especially gay couples. I

we were committed to each other. We're
planning to start a family together. I

committed. Nothing has changed.

Nothing except two fucked pandas who may
end up being the birth mother of our

baby. Okay, in retrospect, I can see how
that might not have been one of my

wiser life choices.

You think?

Look, if it's not cool with you, it
won't happen again.

Cool with... Have I ever given you any
reason to think I'd be cool with it?

No. But, um... But what?

But we never actually, you know, talked
about how this could work long -term.

So what are you saying?

You want to open things up?

Now that we're about to become parents?
I don't know. I just... I know you still

think about women.

So do I.

Thinking and doing are totally
different. I know.

I know.

Doesn't the thought of never having sex
with anyone but me for the rest of your

life scare the hell out of you?

No.

Well, you're a better man than me.

Clearly.

And your hope is lost since when, when

there's no one left to call.

And you just reached for your last
straw.

I'm not seriously planning to sleep
here, but I still smell like her. I

showered.

You know, if we're in it for the long
haul, we need to be able to talk about

anything. Well, I thought we were in it
for the long haul, but apparently we

have different ideas about that. Okay,
maybe we do, but how's shutting me out

going to resolve those differences?

I'm hurt, okay? I think I'm entitled to
be hurt.

You are.

Look, I fucked up.

I don't want to get all Freudian or
anything, but don't you think it's

coincidental that you cheated on me
while we were planning the biggest

commitment a couple could make? It
wasn't exactly cheating when we never

committed to being exclusive.

Really? You want to discuss
technicalities right now?

I'll be in the guest room if you need
me.

Shouldn't want to go stay with Candace.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Caden is not here. He had a gig today.

I came to see you.

Can I come in?

I'm assuming Caden told you about what
happened.

I came here to apologize.

I feel terrible.

And if you'll still have me, I'd like to
offer to be your

surrogate.

That's above and beyond, as an apology
goes.

The apology and decision are separate.

I thought about it a lot, and...

And the fact is, I love Lily.

And I love you and Caden. And frankly,
I'd love to have some money in my bank.

But more importantly, it would be a way
for me to honor

the love that the three of you shared.

It would make me really happy to do this
for you.

I'm not sure if that's a great idea.

I'm not still in love with him, Beau.

And I am not trying to get him back.

What happened was a... a last spasm of
nostalgia.

And it won't happen again, I... I
promise.

Can I think about it?

Yes.

Of course.

What was so important that you had to
see me right now?

Hi, Liza. It's good to see you. You look
great.

Oh, please don't lie to me. I look like
I haven't had a good night's sleep in

weeks because I haven't.

I'm sorry.

This won't take long. Can I come in? No,
you can't come in. I don't want to

explain to my children why my ex
-boyfriend is having an emotional

the middle of the living room.

Okay, so you know my wife died last
year?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry.

What you might not have heard is that
I'm now in a relationship with her

brother. Oh.

I didn't see that coming.

Me neither.

In taking care of Lily, we really
became... started to depend on each

Love each other.

So you're gay now?

I don't know.

Bye, maybe, I guess. Sometimes you have
to put a label on it.

Oh, well, please don't do that in my
account. But can we get to the part that

has something to do with me?

Hey, kids!

If I have to come in there, you're not
going to like it!

I can see this isn't a great time. The
thing is, my guy, Caden, he slept with

his ex.

Oh. A woman.

Oh.

Oh. If you're here to even the score,
I'm... Oh, no, no, no, of course not.

it just got me wondering about this
whole relationship.

Is it really what both of us wanted, or
did we just fall into this because we

needed each other?

How am I supposed to know? I never met
Lily or your brother -in -law.

I know, but once upon a time, you knew
me better than anyone else.

Yeah, that was a long time ago.

And you are... Clearly not the same
person, and neither am I.

No, but... I'm not quite sure what
you're looking for, Beau. I mean, do you

my blessing? Because you have it. Go, be
happy.

No. No, that's not it. I guess I just
want to understand... Why didn't we work

out? I mean, weren't we happy?

At least for a while.

Oh, you want the truth.

Um, I got bored.

You got bored. You know, I mean, I think
that we were a little too similar and

there just wasn't much of a spark.

You know, I mean, you were, you are a
really great guy. Just a straight arrow.

Ha! Maybe got that one wrong.

So you needed someone wilder?

No, I think we both needed somebody to
challenge us. And I found that in Ted.

From what I heard, you found that in
Lily, and maybe now in her brother?

Thanks.

I appreciate your help, and I'm glad you
found what you wanted.

Yeah, my life's a real party.

Good luck, Beau.

I hope it all works out.

In here.

Still doing that?

Candace came by the house this
afternoon.

Well?

Came to apologize.

to tell us that she wants to be our
surrogate.

Oh, my God.

That's amazing.

I told her we'd back her up.

I mean, do you even still want to do
this?

Do you want us?

Nothing has changed for me, Beau.

I love you. Then why did you have to
fuck her?

I've been thinking about this all day. I
think I was just scared.

Well, great, because now I'm scared,
too.

I went to see Eliza today.

Minnelli? No, my ex.

Before Lily.

Oh, right, yeah.

And I managed not to have sex with her.

Look, I didn't consciously try to
sabotage this.

But that's probably exactly why it
happened. You still love her?

No, not like that.

Do you want out? No.

Because you both kind of just fell into
this.

Maybe we're just not meant to be
together.

No, I don't... I don't believe in meant
to.

But I believe in you, and I believe in
us.

You're my best friend, and when I let
you down, this feeling in the pit of my

stomach, this ache... I can't even
describe it. It's... terrible.

I don't believe in filmmaking, but in my
heart, I know you and I share something

irreplaceable. I do believe in
filmmaking.

And I thought Lily was mine.

And maybe it's crazy, but part of what I
love about you is your liliness.

The whole ways you two are alike. The
ways you push me out of my comfort zone.

Maybe we're just too different.

No, no, no, I don't believe that. No,
sure, we're different in a lot of ways,

but we're alike in the ways that matter.

How can you be sure?

I can't. I mean, that's why commitment
is so scary.

But I'm more scared of losing you than
of losing this life we started building

together. That's the way I feel, too.
But you said I wasn't good enough for

I'm not.

What I said. You said the thought of
never having sex with anyone else was

terrifying.

Okay, marriage and monogamy worked for
you and Lily. That doesn't mean they're

going to work for you and me. I know.
I'm old -fashioned, and I know we never

made any promises, but the kind of guy I
am, I am all in.

I couldn't even imagine raising kids
together unless I felt that way. I'm all

in, too, but I guess for me, sex is
different from love. Of course they're

different. And of course, it's not going
to be as exciting now as it was in the

beginning. That's normal. I know, but I
still don't like it. Neither do I, but

why can't we explore new ways of
grouping things exciting together?

I didn't know that you'd want to explore
anything too exciting.

I mean, you almost had a stroke when I
brought on that butt plug.

Because it was the size of a traffic
cone.

Okay. Okay, I may have overreached with
that one.

If we're both still attracted to women,
what about

sharing one?

Really? You'd be down for that.

It's not Canada.

Right.

A neutral third party.

Make it sound like we should hire a
notary public.

Is that what they do?

I've always wondered.

I'm liking this idea, but no one who
looks like Lily. I'm kinky, but I'm not

that kinky. I think we're safe.

Lily was one of a kind.

Am I still exiled to the guest bedroom?

I am so sorry. I nearly screwed this up.

I love you. You know, really, really.

I really did.

Now, there's no way Candace can be our
surrogate.

Why not?

Because every time I see her, I'm going
to be imagining the two of you fucking.

You have to admit, it's kind of a hot
mental picture.

That's part of the problem.

I, um... I'll just go in here.

Maybe, uh... Okay.

Okay.

Thanks for coming and telling me, guys.

Of course.

Now tell me what's wrong.

Nothing's wrong.

You're not sick, are you?

Your mother couldn't take it if you were
sick.

No, I'm fine, Dad.

I'm really good.

Bo and I are happy.

That's good.

I know you don't want to talk about it
or think about it, but we won't have

luxury for much longer.

Much longer.

Bo and I are planning to have a baby.

Babies, actually.

Lily's baby.

Hey.

Are you ready to hear our specials?

Can you give us a minute, please?

I don't understand.

They'll be frozen in the ground.

Oh, my goodness.

That's kind of big news, which is why I
didn't want to just tell you over the

phone. That's beyond big.

I know I've been a disappointment to
you.

You think I'm a heathen, probably a
degenerate. Okay, you don't think any of

those things.

We don't pretend to understand in life,
but we know you are a good person.

And you are going to make a wonderful
father.

Thanks, Mom.

So, if we do this, will you be... Of
course!

I would love to carry the baby.

What?

That's what you were going to ask,
right? I mean, it's not like you and Bo

do it.

Unless I'm seriously behind on how far
reproductive technology has come. No,

of course we can't, but we don't expect
you to... I know you think I'm ancient,

but I'm actually in great shape. Sure,
sure, Mom, but aren't you... You know,

past menopause?

I'm not going to be conceiving the baby.

Just carrying them.

Any baby.

That actually is not what I was going to
ask. I just wanted to be sure you and

Dad would want to be a part of the kids'
lives.

Well, of course. How could you even ask
that? Nothing would make us happier.

Abigail, have we lost your mind?

Two men raising babies?

That is not what God intended.

How can we be going to know what God
intended? The Bible is very clear.

The Bible is very clear.

I just want grandchildren.

And if I have to put them out myself,
then so be it.

So. When is all this happening?

She'll probably start knitting booties
right away.

Well, slow down, Mom. There's plenty of
time. And I thought we discussed your

offer with Beau.

Candace is also willing to carry the
baby.

Oh.

Well, that's very generous of her.

But she should wait and carry her own
baby someday.

For me, this would be a privilege, not
just a favor.

What about me?

Do I have a say in this?

Oh, honey, I really want to do this.

Are you going to forgive me? Would that
work?

Okay, just calm down before we let this
escalate to World War III. Mom, we need

to make sure that you're not putting
your health at risk.

I'm as strong as an apple. I know, but
let's just get everything checked out.

Okay.

In the meantime, I should probably start
knitting sweaters, blankets, booties.

Oh, my gosh.

There's so much to do.

I should have realized that for you,
more than anything, this would be a

knitting opportunity.

So I told you about how excited my mom
is at the thought of being a grandma.

Which I expected.

Also, as expected, your dad was really
not on board with the idea of two men

having babies. Right.

But I think I forgot to tell you the
weirdest part, though.

They offered to be our...

How could you forget to mention that?

I guess I didn't forget. It just didn't
seem important.

I mean, I'm not asking my mom to carry
our babies.

Why not?

Why not? Because it's my mom.

I don't want my kids coming out the same
vagina I came out of. That's too weird.

Oh, really?

Now things are too weird?

What? You think this is a good idea?

Well, she volunteered, right?

And they'd be your own grandkids.

Plus, there'd be added benefits you
haven't had sex with.

You're still not past that? Come on.
Candace is the much stronger candidate.

Because she's younger?

Maybe.

But your mom's already given birth to
twins.

We know she can do it. But Candace... We
don't have to worry about her getting

emotionally attached.

We already have enough to worry about
with my mom and trying to keep her from

stealing these kids to raise herself.

She's not going to do that. I think I
know my mom a little bit better than you

do. Okay, granted, but we won't let her.

We wouldn't move forward with the
surrogacy until she was completely clear

her role.

No, no, I'm just not comfortable with
having our surrogate be my mom.

No.

Plus, my dad is dead set against it. I
mean, you should have seen his face. He

hates me. The whole idea of us having
these babies.

I'm not comfortable with the idea of it
being your ex -girlfriend.

I mean, you recently fucked.

Do you think we should get married?

Why? Are you proposing?

I don't know. I mean, we're having kids
together. Shouldn't we be married?

Are you worried about your parental
rights? Because your name's gonna be

mine on the birth certificate. No, no,
I'm not worried about that. I just... Is

this something you want?

You're pretty important to me with Lily.

I'm no Lily.

Hey, don't do that. That's not what I
meant.

I love you.

You know that. Yeah.

But marrying again...

Even with someone Lily pretty much had
picked for me, it just feels... Maybe

it's me, and that just doesn't feel
right.

It doesn't feel fantastic.

Okay, all right, seriously.

Seriously.

Hey, you don't want to get married?

I'll write this minute.

Not until we figure out this whole
monogamy thing.

I told you, nothing will ever happen to
Candace again. I know.

But we are planning a lifetime together,
and if you can't imagine ever having

sex with anyone else, then we've got
some figuring out to do.

Okay, you said you'd be down for
bringing in a third.

Have you thought any more about that?

As a matter of fact, if you look for...

People seeking threesomes in our
neighborhood. You get about a million

looking to have sex with two women. And
a grand total of three women looking to

have sex with two guys.

Three, huh?

I need them. Cute.

They're all attractive, but... But
you're still not sure of the idea.

I'm sorry, really. I am.

I grew up with the idea of romantic love
being between a man and a woman.

And I had to stretch myself almost to
the breaking point to wrap my head

it being between a man and another man.

I don't know if I can accommodate it
being between a man, another man, and a

woman. Okay, okay, we're not talking
about love, we're talking about sex.

I know, but I've never been any good at
casual sex. Oh, maybe I'm good enough at

it for the two of us.

Okay.

Okay, come on.

You can't deny that we would be a very
hot throuple.

Did you just make up that word?

No, that's a thing.

Maybe I'm just too old for this brave
new world. You've still got a lot of

life in you, old man.

You're just going to find that somebody
who gives you a stiffy.

Oh, God.

Well, hi.

You must be Chad and Jeremy.

Yeah, yes, right on. That's us, Chad and
Jeremy. Come on in.

I have to admit, I'm kind of surprised
you agreed to come here. I mean, you

don't know us, and... Oh, don't worry. I
posted all about this on my

Insta.

So if I show up missing, you'll have a
shit ton of people on your doorstep in

time. Oh, okay.

Yeah, well, I think that's smart.

But as you can see, as advertised, these
two nice regular guys are going to have

some fun.

Well, just so you know, I'm all for spit
roasting, but what I'm really here for

is double penetration.

You guys up for that?

Sure. Okay.

And I don't care which one of you gets
the front seat, which one of you gets

back seat. I mean, we can flip a coin
for it.

Or just see who ends up where.

So, in here or in the bedroom?

The bedroom, I think.

It's just the head and the two legs.

Well, what are you both doing over
there?

Yeah.

I want to see you two kiss first.

Oh, okay.

Grab that.

Yeah.

You don't need those.

I'm on birth control.

And prep. Yeah, no offense, but I'm
gonna wear one.

Yeah, me too.

Suit yourself.

You got any lube in there?

Now lie down.

Now your turn.

Oh, God.

Oh, I am fantastic.

Now fuck the shit out of me, both of
you.

Oh, my

God. Oh, my God. I can feel you.

Hey, guys. Guys.

I'm still right here.

Right. Right. Sorry.

Well,

your rhythm needs a little work, but
overall, I'd say a solid B.

Plus.

I didn't realize we were being greeted.

Whether they tell you that or not.

Well,

I better go.

I've got to pick up my kids from the
sitter.

You have kids?

Yes. Why wouldn't I?

I don't know. You didn't mention it in
your profile.

I mean, I'm not looking for a boyfriend,
so it's hardly relevant.

But I would be up for a repeat play
date, if you both are.

I think we need to process this.

We're on our first.

Yeah, I could tell.

Well, text me if you want to go again.

Oh, uh... Please, boys, relax.

I think I can find my way out.

What's wrong something move

Yeah. Yeah, I think she gave it to
Crabbe.

And just like that, the balance tips
from hot and right over into... You

should quite ooze enough.

With all that bleach, pretty sure.

I'm sorry, I don't think I can do this
again. I know it was my idea.

I agree.

We're going to have children soon.

We can't be bringing strangers into the
house. And frankly, I don't think I'm

going to have the time or energy to be
dealing... I'm not arguing with you. I

get it.

But this was interesting.

Fun, even. But I don't know how this can
fit into the rest of our lives.

Except that you're not going to be happy
with just me.

So where does that leave us?

I don't know.

I want to believe that I can be
faithful. I just don't know.

I don't want to make a promise and then
not be able to keep it.

So we're back where we started.

Except now we have Christ.

Good news.

Your spunk turned out to be perfectly
normal.

And we were able to create five viable
embryos.

Now all we need is a surrogate. I'd be
happy to help you find one.

Actually, we've got two potential
candidates, my mother and my ex

Are there any issues with a woman in her
mid -50s carrying twins to term?

Yeah, I don't even know where to begin
with all the issues you two bring to the

table. Medical issues.

Right. Well, I would need to do a
thorough examination and blood work

can say. Of course, but a young, healthy
woman in her early 30s would be a much

stronger candidate, right?

Perhaps. Dr. Nguyen, I don't mean to put
you on the spot, but we can't seem to

come to a decision about this.

I'm not thrilled about using his ex,
he's not thrilled about using his mom,

neither of us like the idea of using a
stranger.

Why don't we try that?

Bring both women in, let me examine
them, and then we let science ride.

Yes, that makes sense. I agree.

I want to thank you both so much for
coming down.

Of course.

You need to be sure that I'm in tip -top
shape.

I'm sure you are, Mrs. Munoz.

But the fact remains, carrying twins
would put an enormous strain on your

I ran a marathon last year. Have you run
a marathon?

Well, no.

You're a very sweet girl, Candace.

I always liked you.

But when it comes to strength and
endurance, there's really no contest.

I may not run marathons, but I work out
five times a week. I am in great shape.

I bet I'm stronger than you. Why don't
we just find out? Mom.

No, I am tired of being treated like
some frail old woman. I take Krav Maga

classes. Uh -huh.

Woo!

You're not here to battle it out for the
honor of carrying these babies.

That's right.

The doctor's going to decide. Whatever
he says goes.

Okay.

Well, great job, guys.

About these women, excellent candidates.

Okay, but one of them has to be a better
choice than the other. Medically

speaking, no.

Oh, fuck.

So now we have to make the decision,
which is going to make one of them mad

us. I don't see why.

They're both obsessed.

My mom tried to arm Russell Candace, for
Christ's sake. No, no, no, no. I don't

see why they both can't be surrogates.

Listen, you want two kids, right?

Twins are risky for both the women and
the kids.

You let them both carry, they're both
happy.

Double your chances, minimize the risk.

I mean, the only downside I could see is
the added cost.

It might be the best of both worlds. Or
possibly the worst.

I don't think so.

Either way, they're going to be a part
of our lives. So why not make the choice

with the lowest amount of risk?

That will also make them both happy.

This is already costing us a fortune
which I can't help with.

I'd rather spend the extra money and
have everyone happy and healthy.

I don't suppose this clinic offers a
volume discount?

You guys supportive?

Totally. Good, I'm glad.

So, what excitement did you get into
this evening?

Oh, you know the usual.

Had a few strippers over, smoked some
meth.

Did you want to do something like that
one last time before the kids get here?

Strippers have never really been my
thing, and anything stronger than an

antihistamine scares the hell out of me.

What about you?

Any wild oats you want to sow?

No, I think they've already been sown,
but I still can't promise that years

now I... Okay.

So don't promise.

Really?

But that wouldn't be fair to you.

I think we've already established life
isn't fair.

True, but... I mean, could you really
live like that?

I think so.

I know you love me, and... And if
something happens apart from that,

maybe I don't need to know.

I'm not going to lie to you.

Not now, not ever. So don't lie.

Just omit.

Look, I know you still drag off to
hetero porn. So do I. We don't talk

This could be like that.

But if you bring home an STD or get
somebody knocked up, I'll fucking kill

Well, that seems fair.

Mom,

are

you okay? We were starting to worry.

I'm so sorry I'm late. I wasted time
trying to get your father to come.

Oh, he's never going to approve.

Hello, everyone.

Once these kids are here, no one's going
to dote on them more than he will.

I know. I know, Mom. Just come on in and
sit down. Hold on.

Well, I wholeheartedly approve.

I think you two are going to make
amazing parents.

Absolutely.

What can I get you?

Maybe a cup of tea?

Oh, you don't have to treat me like an
old lady.

I'll just have what everyone's having.

Okay, he's treating you like a pregnant
lady.

They've been all over me, too.

And everyone else is pretty much having
champagne, so you might as well have him

grab you a cup of tea.

No trouble. Green tea with honey, right?

Yes, only if it doesn't have caffeine,
though.

I don't want to excite the lady.

It happens to you, too?

Yeah, if I have a coffee or even a Coke,
this devil starts kicking like a soccer

player.

Oh, have you guys figured out any names
yet?

Yeah, we made a list. If you want help.
Uh, thanks.

Thanks, guys, but we've got this.

We're still figuring out our son's name,
but our daughter will be Lily.

I'm sorry.

Pregnancy hormones.

So, how about these presents?

You have to clean it up.

We are so grateful to all of you. Yes.
Thank you for coming and for supporting

us in this crazy adventure.

And we hope you guys are going to
continue to be part of our lives and our

children's lives. Absolutely.

We're going to need a lot of help. You
got this, man. And we're always here for

you. You know that I want to be a part
of these kids' lives at whatever level

you're comfortable with.

If you need some time off.

A night out?

You can call me. I'm sure they will.

If we're not available.

And we can babysit, right guys? Oh,
absolutely.

Of course.

Alex and I are great with kids.

We both got nieces and nephews coming
out of our ass. Okay, that's great.

We'll keep you guys in mind too.

You all are so sweet.

But really, it's not necessary because
we've raised twins, so we know how to do

it. Okay.

Chill, everyone. We've got two babies on
the way, so there will be plenty to go

around.

As long as Grandma gets first date. You
all heard it. Grandma called it.

Okay. Now that that's settled, let's see
what Quiddipoo got.

Open mine.

Yes, Mom.

Thank you.

What?

Look at that.

These are beautiful.

What is this? Oh, I love this.

This is going to be perfect.

Whoa!

Yeah. It's a diaper bag.

It's a diaper bag.

This is perfect.

I love it.

I can't believe another year has gone by
already.

It's kind of becoming a tradition.

I don't know.

It's going to do it in a couple of
weeks.

It's going to be years before we get
back up here.

Maybe.

Maybe we can each bring one of those
cool papoose things and come with us and

celebrate and remember Lily.

No, this is sick.

All right. Something I got to do.

Break. Be careful. I saw some poison oak
over there.

What are you doing? You can't.

I thought you didn't want to get
married.

And then we really got married.

The whole... So that's the part that's
been so old -fashioned, right?

I can't imagine my life without you. And
I want to show our kids how much we

love each other.

Because they'll see it every day.

Does that mean you don't want to marry
me?

No, it means I don't have to marry you.
I don't need a piece of paper.

But I do want to marry you.

Yes. If I recall, that's how it works.

Are we hyphenating?

Is that called the simple dirty? Because
if you're down for some dirty, I am

too. You just got to stick with that.

What are our names? We have the same
last name as the kids.

Oh. Right.

The Stanton Munoz family.

I like it.

Or the Munoz Stanton.

Maybe just maybe we'll make it.

Maybe just maybe we won't.

But I'll live with maybes and wondering
why.

If that means I still have hope.

One day and some days are out there.

me, you'll keep me safe.

Keep me