All language subtitles for The Munsters 201 Hermans Child Psychology(Dvd)

Lily, Grandpa.

Grandpa, Lily.

Something terrible
has happened. Come quick.

Hurry.
Herman, what's wrong?

I know, they fired you at the parlor.
You've been lying down on the job again.

No, the one time I did lie down,
they mistook me for a customer.

I almost got carried
away that time.

Then what is it?
What is it?

It's after 4:00 and little
Eddie's usually home by noon.

I know something terrible
has happened to my little boy.

Call the police. Get the FBI.

Herman, will you knock it off?
Don't lose your head.

He's probably with
one of his little friends.

Hey, Charlie, you want to
come in my house and play?

Are your parents home?
Sure.

Forget it.

What's wrong with
my parents being home?

You know how parents are.
They're always mean to kids.

My parents aren't mean.
Sure they are.

You're just too dumb
to notice it.

Now, you take my parents.

They're the meanest parents
in the whole world.

You know, Eddie,
they're so mean to me...

that tonight at 7:00,
I'm gonna run away for good.

Run away? Where?

Run away to a cave
in the woods...

and live on nuts and herbs
and trap wild animals.

I'm never coming back
as long as I live.

Yeah, but why are you waiting
till 7:00 to run away?

Well, heck, I don't
want to miss supper.

Eddie, won't you come in now
and help me set the table?

And then you have to tidy up your room.
Yes, Mom.

You see, Eddie, your parents
are, too, mean to you.

Why don't you run away
from home with me tonight?

They haven't been
that mean to me, yet.

You wait and see.
They will be.

You shouldn't let
them get away with it.

I suppose if they got real
mean, I might run away.

Now you're talking, Eddie.
See you. See you.

Well, Eddie, how did
everything go at school today?

Pop, do you always
have to pick on me?

Hey, Mom. Could I stay up an extra
hour past my bedtime tonight?

Well, there's no school tomorrow.
I guess you could.

You mean nobody's gonna
yell at me and tell me no?

Of course not, Eddie.
It's all right with us.

Eddie, why don't you have another piece of pie?
It's your favorite.

You're gonna make me?

Of course we're not gonna make you.
Marilyn just thought you'd enjoy some.

Hey, Grandpa...

when I was playing down
in your laboratory...

I dropped ajar on the floor
and broke it.

When did that happen?

It was last month. One night
when I was doing my homework.

And when I dropped it,
it spilled all over the floor.

Eddie, don't worry about it.
It was a long time ago.

And anyway, what's the use
of crying over spilled blood?

Boy, some family this is.

Nobody even cares enough to be
mean to me like other parents.

I'm gonna go lock myself in my room
till people start being nice to me.

Heavens to Betsy!

Whatever has gotten into
our sweet little Eddie?

It's nothing, dear.

It's probably just another one
of those adolescent cycles.

I believe a child psychiatrist would
refer to it as "the punk phase."

♪ They cut down
the old pine tree ♪

♪ and they hauled
it off to the mill ♪

♪ To make a coffin of pine
For that sweetheart of mine ♪

(all) ♪ So they cut down
the old pine tree ♪

♪ But she's not alone
in her grave tonight ♪

♪ For it's there
my heart will always be ♪

♪ Always be ♪

♪ Though we drifted apart ♪ ♪
Still they cut down my heart ♪

♪ When they cut down ♪

♪ the old pine tree N'

Isn't it wonderful for the family
to get together like this...

and sing these
old fun songs?

Lily.
Yes, Marilyn?

I was just talking to Eddie
through the bedroom door.

And he said something about running
away and never coming back.

Oh, my poor little Eddie.

Herman, go right upstairs
and stop him.

Lily, dear.

You must realize that Eddie's threat
is merely a subtle bid for attention.

And to give in to it would
only lead to his achieving...

a psychological advantage
over his parents.

Herman, what do you know
about kids?

You, who spent your childhood
in three different jars.

[door slamming]

[footsteps approaching]
Uh-oh.

Here he comes.

Lock the doors.
Don't let him out.

Now, everyone just calm down.

If you'll let me talk to him,
and you'll go in the kitchen...

I'll handle this as father to son.
But, Herman--

Lily, dear, I know what's best
for my little boy.

And after you come back
in here, I guarantee you...

I will have the whole thing
solved.

[clearing throat]

Excuse me,
but are we going someplace?

No, we aren't going anyplace.

But I'm running away
from home.

I see.
That's very interesting.

[clearing throat]

I suppose
you've thought it over...

and have a very good reason for
leaving your comfortable home...

and the people who love you?
Yes, I have.

I see.
And what is that reason?

It's rotten here.

Seems to be a rather
conclusive reason.

May I ask what you have
in the pillowcase?

Just the stuff I'll need to
last me for the next 20 years.

Twenty years?

I hope you had enough
forethought to include a razor.

No, 'cause I'm gonna grow a beard and
let rats build their nests in it.

'Cause nobody cares how I look.
I see.

Do you have any idea
where you're going?

No, I just might go to a deserted
island and get eaten up by cannibals.

If I can find any cannibals
that are that hungry.

Son, you wouldn't like to...

just sit down here
for a second...

and talk this over
with your old dad, would you?

No, thank you.

Well, in that case, then I guess
there's nothing left to do except...

say goodbye and it's...

[patting]

Been nice knowing you.

Yes, sir.

[creaking]

I really am going, Pop.

I really am.

Good luck, Son.
And don't forget to write.

You have our ZIP code number.

Goodbye.
Goodbye.

Yes? Would you say
goodbye to Mom for me?

I certainly will.

And Grandpa.

And Marilyn... (Herman) Yes.

...and Spotty...

and the raven and the kitty...

and my pet snake, Elmer, who
lives under the garbage pail...

and who's gonna miss me.

I will.
I'll take care of all of that.

Goodbye again.
Goodbye again again.

[footsteps fading]

Lily, Marilyn, Grandpa.

Herman, what happened?

Did you talk to Eddie?
What did he say?

Now, everyone calm down.

I am happy to announce that...

as head of the household...

I have solved
this little problem...

in an intelligent
and satisfactory fashion.

That's wonderful.
Where is Eddie?

He just ran away from home.
He what?

You let him?

I did what I thought was best.

But you were supposed to reason
with him and talk him out of it.

Lily, dear, I just used
a little psychology.

And believe me...

he'll merely walk once, maybe
twice, around the block...

and then come knocking on our
door, begging for forgiveness.

What do you think, Grandpa?
What do I think?

I'll tell you what I think.

I think there are more nuts in
this family than there are bolts.

That's what I think.

Charlie, it's me, Eddie.

[door opening]

Charlie.

[crickets chirping]

That you, Eddie?
Yeah.

I left home and I'm ready to run away
with you to the cave in the woods.

I'll be right down, Eddie.

[sawing]

9:00. Now, where's the kid?

[squawking]

Herman, that bird is right.

Eddie has been gone for over an
hour, and there's no sign of him.

Just when is he going to come knocking
on our door, begging forgiveness?

(raven)
Nevermore.

Aunt Lily, Uncle Herman.

Look at this note
I found in Eddie's room.

"Dear Mean Family...

"I have run away to live in a cave in
the woods for the rest of my life.

"And from there I'm going
to a desert island...

"so in the newsreel if you should ever
see a cannibal with a fat stomach...

"it may be
your ex-son, Eddie Munster."

Oh. my poor baby.

"P.S. I took
five pair of extra socks...

"because I don't want
to die with dirty feet."

Oh, boy, my son-in-law,
the child psychologist.

Herman Munster, Eddie said something
about going out in some woods...

now I want you to go right out
and find him.

And take your warm jacket. And
don't you come back without him.

Herman, you go right ahead. I'll try to
locate my grandson on my crystal ball.

All right, I'll go.

But I just don't understand what
went wrong with my child psychology.

It always worked
on Leave It to Beaver.

(Leo)
Mr. White, Olga is gone.

Somebody must have
left her cage unlocked.

The greatest attraction
we ever had.

What about the cub? She took
her little baby with her.

Look, Mr. White, the last time this
happened she headed for the nearest woods.

Why don't I take a couple of boys
here and comb all the local woods?

It's a chance.

She may be holed up somewhere.
But be careful.

Ever since Olga lost her mate,
she can get real mean.

Five hundred pounds mean.

Charlie...

this afternoon you said
you were gonna run away...

and live in a cave
in Fosters Woods.

That was this afternoon. I'm not
allowed to go out after dark.

Beside, I just ran away 'cause I
thought you were gonna run away.

Why don't you just go home?

I can't.
My parents would laugh at me.

Don't blame me 'cause you
got rotten old parents.

I better go in now. My folks would get
worried if they found me out of bed.

Yeah, sure.

Hey, you really gonna run away and
live in a cave in Fosters Woods?

I don't know. I may go
someplace and get sick first.

Eddie.

Eddie.

Olga.

Eddie.

Eddie.

Crazy echo in this woods.

I call out "Olga" and it comes
back sounding like "Eddie."

[creaking]

Grandpa.

Did you pick up Eddie
on your crystal ball?

No.

It's not working tonight.
Too much interference.

All I kept getting was some kind of
jungle movie, something about two bears.

Two bears? Yes, a big
one and a little one.

It was a silly thing. The big one
was dancing and then it went off...

and left the little one alone,
asleep in a cave.

I figured a commercial was coming
up, so I turned the thing off.

Eddie.

Eddie.

[chuckling] A cave. I just might
stumble onto something here.

Eddie.

[grunting]

Darned old cave.

Last match.

[bear snoring]

Eddie?

Poor little fellow.
He's sound asleep.

[Herman laughing]

Oh.

You brought along
your wooly P.J.s. Good boy.

But we mustn't let you
catch a cold.

Here we go.

There.

Now,
you just go right on sleeping.

[chuckles]

You must be chilled to the bone.
I never felt such a wet nose.

[grunting]

[gasping]

You'll be beddy-bye
in no time.

[laughing]

Olga.

When we find her, I sure hope
nothing's happened to make her mean.

Lily. Grandpa.

Marilyn. I'm home.

Eddie, we'll have you
tucked in, in a minute.

What's all the shouting about?

I found him.

Lily, I found him.
I found Eddie.

I told you I would.

[laughs]

There's a lot more up here
than most people think.

I don't know
what you've got up there...

but I would like to know what
you have wrapped in your coat.

Why, it's Eddie.

You know, our son.

Uncle Herman, Eddie came home
right after you left.

He's been in bed for hours.

[stuttering]
Upstairs in bed?

Why, that's ridiculous.

Eddie, son...

wake up and tell them
that you're not upstairs...

you're down here
with your old dad. Eddie?

Eddie?

[sighing]

[whimpering]

Eddie, what have
they done to you?

Herman, you big dummy,
you brought home a baby bear.

You just go on and take
him back where you found him.

Yes, dear.

Lily, can't we keep him?
Golly, he's so cute.

Cootchie-coo.

Now, listen, Herman.

You take that bear back
wherever it was you found him.

Lily, dear, you don't have to shout.
You're scaring the poor little fellow.

Herman, he's a bear.
How do you know he's scared?

Grandpa, I am holding him.

And believe me, he's scared.

Where do you suppose Uncle
Herman found that bear cub?

Wait a minute. That's the little
bear I saw in my crystal ball.

That's right, Grandpa.

You said there
was another bear. A big bear.

What if Herman should come face
to face with that other bear?

I'd say it was gonna be an interesting
experience for both parties.

[snoring]

There you go.

Now, you be a nice
little fellow and sleep tight.

And stay nice and warm
in Uncle Herman's coat.

[chuckles]

Mighty-night.

[growling]

Hi, there.
Nice evening, isn't it?

Wait a minute.

You're a bear.

Oh.

I get it.

That must be your cub in there
and you think that I...

[stammering]

You're angry because you...

[clearing throat]

I do hope
we can be adult about this.

Then you're not mad?

[laughs]

How about that.
You want to be friends.

[Herman laughing]

[growling]

Thank you.
Thank you very much.

[growling]

You're very kind.
You know...

I'm very glad
Iran into you this evening.

I have had one of the most upsetting
evenings in my whole life.

Now...

I wouldn't tell
this to everybody, but...

my wife
doesn't understand me.

Father, I can't imagine
what's happened to Herman.

He's been gone
for over an hour.

Maybe he dropped in at the parlor to
lay out a few things for tomorrow.

No, he wouldn't do that.
I'm worried about him.

He might have gotten himself lost out there.
What do you mean, Lily?

He's a grown man.

He knows his way around.
He's resourceful.

He has
a lot of intelligence...

Come on, Lily, let's go and
look for the big boob.

[creaking]

Olga.

Olga.

Herman.

Wait a minute, Lily. There's someone
over there in that clearing.

(Grandpa) No. It's just
two people dancing.

Holy mackerel!
It is Herman.

My, you dance divinely.

But for a change...

would you mind if I lead?

[laughs]

Thank you.

Who's that lady he's dancing with?
That's no lady. That's a bear.

Say...

you wouldn't want to go out
to a nightclub, would you?

[grunts]

[laughs]

IJ'[Herman humming]

Sorry, no cutting in.

Herman Munster.

Oh!

It's you, Lily.

Yes, it's me, you philanderer.

Allow me to present my wife.

Sweetheart, this is Olga.

You brazen little hussy, you.

[velpins]

That is no way
to treat a mother.

And let that be a lesson
to you, you home wrecker.

[sobbing]

Father, now what do you think
of your son-in-law?

I think he's been watching
Peyton Place too much.

You must let me explain, dear.
Herman...

get going.
Lily.

Home, Herman.
Lily.

(Lily)
Get going, Herman.

Olga.

[Olga sobbing]

There's Olga. Up a tree.

Look at her.
She's shaking like a leaf.

Come on down, Olga.
It's just us.

[grunting]

After a night like this, I
wind up with a neurotic bear.

Eddie, would you like
another owl omelet?

No, thanks, Mom. I'm still
kind of tired from last night.

And no wonder. Running away from home and
upsetting your parents the way you did.

I hope you've learned a lesson
from this, Eddie.

Not to listen to friends
who give you bad advice.

Charlie Pike
talked me into it...

and then when Dad opened
the door and said goodbye...

I had to run away.

Eddie, sometimes parents, in
trying to help their children...

don't always
do the right thing.

Parents aren't perfect.
Yes.

Like a certain big knot-head who
thinks he's the waltz king.

I will thank you not to bring
that subject up in front of my...

S-O-N. (Lily) Yes, Grandpa...

we're going to let bygones be
bygones and resume our life...

as an ordinary, everyday,
normal, American family.

[Spot growling]

Eddie,
I think Spot's hungry.

You may give him
something from the table.

Okay, Mom.

Here, Spot.

[Spot growling]