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1
00:00:05,221 --> 00:00:07,380
[intro music]
2
00:00:07,460 --> 00:00:11,541
[Frank] Tickets this way
for the Chatsworth Express!
3
00:00:11,621 --> 00:00:16,581
Come and watch pikeys
making a mess of the lives they were given
4
00:00:16,661 --> 00:00:19,061
by him upstairs.
5
00:00:19,140 --> 00:00:22,381
And kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs.
6
00:00:22,460 --> 00:00:28,861
What sounds on earth could ever replace
kids needing money or wives in your face?
7
00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:31,901
Cos this, people reckon, and me included,
8
00:00:31,980 --> 00:00:36,260
is why pubs and drugs
were kindly invented.
9
00:00:36,341 --> 00:00:40,940
To calm us all down
and stop us going mental.
10
00:00:41,021 --> 00:00:45,220
These are Chatsworth Estate's
basic essentials.
11
00:00:45,301 --> 00:00:49,381
We are worth every penny
for grinding your axes.
12
00:00:49,461 --> 00:00:53,860
You shit on our heads,
but you pay the taxes.
13
00:00:57,421 --> 00:01:00,741
Imagine a Britain
without Chatsworth buccaneers
14
00:01:00,821 --> 00:01:03,421
who'd come on your face
for the price of a beer.
15
00:01:03,501 --> 00:01:07,621
Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now!
16
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:11,780
Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now!
17
00:01:11,861 --> 00:01:13,060
[laughing] [cough]
18
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:15,341
Scatter!
19
00:01:15,420 --> 00:01:16,821
Party!
20
00:01:23,860 --> 00:01:25,021
[Debbie] Age of Enlightenment.
21
00:01:25,101 --> 00:01:28,301
Age of Reason. Age of Aquarius.
22
00:01:28,381 --> 00:01:30,581
It's always the age of something.
23
00:01:30,661 --> 00:01:33,060
We live in the Information Age.
24
00:01:33,140 --> 00:01:36,181
Internet. Satellite. Cable.
25
00:01:36,261 --> 00:01:38,101
[Maxine] Oh!
26
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,420
You sure
that's your most respectable gear?
27
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:44,901
Me black tights are laddered.
Had to raid the laundry basket for these.
28
00:01:44,981 --> 00:01:47,981
-[Carl] Max, you've got a bit of...
-Fuck-me stockings.
29
00:01:48,060 --> 00:01:51,821
And a bit of tit on display
always brings a smile at a funeral.
30
00:01:53,341 --> 00:01:56,021
[Debbie]
Quality information is at a premium.
31
00:01:56,101 --> 00:01:58,700
And those who have it,
want to hold on to it.
32
00:01:58,780 --> 00:02:01,101
Because information is dangerous.
33
00:02:01,181 --> 00:02:04,821
Hey! You told me St Martin's.
34
00:02:04,901 --> 00:02:08,141
Oh, did I? Ah, I meant St Mark's.
35
00:02:08,220 --> 00:02:09,820
[Frank] You wrote it down.
36
00:02:09,901 --> 00:02:12,661
Well, you'll only get pissed
and embarrass us.
37
00:02:12,741 --> 00:02:15,661
Who the fuck are you
to censor where I go and don't go?
38
00:02:15,741 --> 00:02:18,061
Any chance you might be
slightly overreacting, Mr G?
39
00:02:18,141 --> 00:02:19,141
You straighten your gusset,
40
00:02:19,221 --> 00:02:20,501
-then I'll listen to what you got to say.
-It's not me gusset--
41
00:02:20,581 --> 00:02:21,781
[Frank] I'm the head of the house.
I should be told.
42
00:02:21,861 --> 00:02:23,421
-Told what?
-Everything.
43
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Where, who, why, when. Where!
44
00:02:26,701 --> 00:02:29,621
My role is to listen, advise, support.
45
00:02:29,701 --> 00:02:32,100
-People look to me.
-Only to point and laugh.
46
00:02:32,181 --> 00:02:34,100
[Carl] You're only bothered
cos the chance of a free drink
47
00:02:34,181 --> 00:02:37,021
-flashed in front of your eyes.
-To pay my respects.
48
00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:40,581
I knew Theresa before you were even
a teardrop in me trousers.
49
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:44,540
And as for the free drink,
well, you know, every cloud...
50
00:02:44,621 --> 00:02:47,700
[stomach rumbles]
51
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:50,781
You all right?
52
00:02:50,861 --> 00:02:52,260
Indigestion.
53
00:02:52,341 --> 00:02:56,380
That fucking curry that Yvonne gave us
last night, I had it on me chips.
54
00:02:56,461 --> 00:02:58,661
Yvonne didn't do a curry last night.
55
00:02:58,741 --> 00:03:01,301
Well, what was that green stuff
on the stove, then?
56
00:03:11,540 --> 00:03:12,781
Can't think.
57
00:03:42,901 --> 00:03:45,861
My patience
is being sorely fucking tested.
58
00:03:46,461 --> 00:03:47,581
Good.
59
00:03:50,221 --> 00:03:51,181
Morning.
60
00:03:52,181 --> 00:03:53,941
[Kelly] Oh, my God.
61
00:03:54,021 --> 00:03:54,861
You weren't...
62
00:03:55,781 --> 00:03:57,021
Don't be ridiculous.
63
00:03:58,181 --> 00:04:00,021
[Mimi] Did you get your undies
from the washing basket?
64
00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:02,461
-[Paddy] Yes.
-There's caustic soda in the crotch.
65
00:04:10,860 --> 00:04:12,100
Piss off.
66
00:04:12,181 --> 00:04:13,021
We open in five.
67
00:04:14,181 --> 00:04:15,501
I need to get away, anyway.
68
00:04:23,421 --> 00:04:24,461
-[Joe] Morning.
-Yeah.
69
00:04:29,541 --> 00:04:32,021
We should at least try
and be civil to one another.
70
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:34,221
I haven't kicked you out, have I?
71
00:04:38,821 --> 00:04:39,781
You look nice.
72
00:04:42,781 --> 00:04:43,940
Hey, beautiful. All set?
73
00:04:45,461 --> 00:04:48,461
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wee!
-[Mandy laughs]
74
00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:58,021
Still don't see how come
I can't go to this funeral.
75
00:04:58,620 --> 00:05:00,301
Don't wanna spoil your innocence
76
00:05:00,381 --> 00:05:02,341
by pointing out
you're gonna be worm food one day.
77
00:05:02,421 --> 00:05:06,301
Besides...
I need your help packing all this.
78
00:05:06,381 --> 00:05:08,701
Fourteen quid
some saddo's willing to pay for that.
79
00:05:08,781 --> 00:05:10,620
Full set's worth a couple of hundred.
80
00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:12,620
One geek selling crap to another geek.
81
00:05:12,701 --> 00:05:15,021
Not exactly what the Internet
was invented for.
82
00:05:15,101 --> 00:05:17,781
-You calling me a geek?
-You looked in the mirror lately?
83
00:05:19,581 --> 00:05:22,500
-What you gonna do with all the money?
-Add it to the pot.
84
00:05:22,581 --> 00:05:24,620
Whatever I get for the house, set me up.
85
00:05:32,101 --> 00:05:34,301
We've been over this, wee man.
86
00:05:35,060 --> 00:05:37,421
There's nothing for me on the Chatsworth.
87
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:41,461
I was having a riot in Ibiza
till Danny... happened.
88
00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:51,740
On behalf of all Theresa's family,
I'd like to thank you all for coming,
89
00:05:52,421 --> 00:05:55,581
and drink your fill in her blessed memory.
90
00:05:55,661 --> 00:05:56,861
[all] Theresa.
91
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:59,821
[indistinct chatter]
92
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:02,021
Grub's good.
I've not eaten since breakfast.
93
00:06:02,101 --> 00:06:03,421
The talent's not bad either.
94
00:06:05,620 --> 00:06:07,380
You're mooching at a funeral?
95
00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:10,021
Where does all that go?
96
00:06:10,940 --> 00:06:12,901
I've got Johnny Vegas locked in me attic.
97
00:06:24,421 --> 00:06:25,261
Must be fate.
98
00:06:25,861 --> 00:06:28,261
I asked round my mates,
but nobody knew who you were.
99
00:06:28,341 --> 00:06:30,461
-Thought I'd lost you.
-Yet, here I am.
100
00:06:37,021 --> 00:06:40,021
Is it my turn to say something...
or you want me to fuck off?
101
00:06:43,701 --> 00:06:46,021
-[Debbie] So...
-She was my grandmother.
102
00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,141
On my dad's side.
103
00:06:51,221 --> 00:06:52,781
He shoots, he scores!
104
00:06:52,861 --> 00:06:54,581
She's coming round for a drink later.
105
00:06:54,661 --> 00:06:58,101
It's weird, though, I keep getting
a feeling that I know her from somewhere.
106
00:06:58,180 --> 00:06:59,101
You do.
107
00:06:59,180 --> 00:07:02,901
You shagged her about three months ago,
after Abba night at the Jockey.
108
00:07:02,981 --> 00:07:05,820
-She didn't say owt.
-Maybe she don't remember.
109
00:07:08,101 --> 00:07:10,341
Nice of you to bring the family, Frank.
110
00:07:10,421 --> 00:07:12,101
Her kids'll appreciate that.
111
00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:15,301
[slurring] Dragged 'em out of bed, Algie.
112
00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:16,380
Least I could do.
113
00:07:16,461 --> 00:07:18,461
Theresa was one of a kind.
114
00:07:18,541 --> 00:07:20,701
I didn't know you were so close.
115
00:07:20,781 --> 00:07:22,021
I...
116
00:07:24,180 --> 00:07:25,861
When I was 15,
117
00:07:26,820 --> 00:07:30,781
Theresa'd be pushing about 40,
118
00:07:31,541 --> 00:07:34,301
but... she was still fit, you know?
119
00:07:35,820 --> 00:07:41,301
Breasts like Hindenburg's,
pointing skywards.
120
00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:44,060
Lush, heart-shaped arse.
121
00:07:44,141 --> 00:07:46,581
She rode me raw, Algie.
122
00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:51,461
She initiated me in the pearls
[over PA] of the flesh.
123
00:07:51,541 --> 00:07:53,461
It was a two-way street, though.
124
00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:54,500
Old Tommy.
125
00:07:55,380 --> 00:07:59,260
-He wasn't, you know, Errol Flynn.
-[PA system whines]
126
00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:03,180
[Frank] Sorry, Algie, is that me?
It's the curry last night.
127
00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:13,861
[over PA] Testing, one, two...
128
00:08:13,940 --> 00:08:16,021
Who the fuck is that idiot?
129
00:08:24,541 --> 00:08:27,341
-How could she not remember?
-You didn't remember her.
130
00:08:30,221 --> 00:08:32,621
-[Frank] Oh, come on!
-[man] Fuck off!
131
00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:35,781
[sighs] I'm in dire fucking straits here!
132
00:08:35,861 --> 00:08:37,180
[groans]
133
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:40,021
I know this might be a bit arse about tit,
134
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,301
seeing as we've
already spent the night together,
135
00:08:42,381 --> 00:08:45,421
but maybe
I could take you for a drink some time?
136
00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:49,301
Are you asking me out
at your gran's funeral?
137
00:08:49,381 --> 00:08:51,781
By all accounts, Gran was a bit of a goer.
138
00:08:51,861 --> 00:08:52,941
I'm sure she'd approve.
139
00:08:53,021 --> 00:08:54,021
[farting]
140
00:08:55,340 --> 00:08:58,661
-[groaning, grunting]
-[diarrhoea squelching]
141
00:08:58,741 --> 00:08:59,581
[farting]
142
00:09:00,181 --> 00:09:02,220
[indistinct commotion]
143
00:09:02,301 --> 00:09:07,021
-[Frank groaning]
-[diarrhoea squelching]
144
00:09:11,661 --> 00:09:14,261
Well, I can hardly stop now!
145
00:09:14,340 --> 00:09:15,581
-[farting]
-[groans]
146
00:09:16,261 --> 00:09:18,381
[farting]
147
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:29,340
You're a poof.
148
00:09:30,021 --> 00:09:30,860
I'm...
149
00:09:30,941 --> 00:09:32,781
Your ring tone is Copacabana.
150
00:09:34,021 --> 00:09:35,581
And you pluck your eyebrows.
151
00:09:36,340 --> 00:09:38,541
Yeah, that's...
that's just personal grooming.
152
00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:41,781
You saw The Sound Of Music
three times when it was in Manchester.
153
00:09:41,860 --> 00:09:45,181
Yeah, it's, it's... it's a morality tale.
154
00:09:50,501 --> 00:09:52,061
Did Carl tell ya?
155
00:09:52,141 --> 00:09:54,621
I used my own amazing powers of deduction.
156
00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:00,061
You know that Ian is also a homosexual?
157
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,501
Oh, I've seen his membership card.
158
00:10:03,581 --> 00:10:04,741
Got a proposition for ya.
159
00:10:06,901 --> 00:10:07,741
Hey!
160
00:10:08,501 --> 00:10:10,021
D'you think I've gone too far...
161
00:10:10,941 --> 00:10:11,781
the eyebrows?
162
00:10:11,860 --> 00:10:13,381
Some might say not far enough.
163
00:10:19,541 --> 00:10:21,941
I've never seen you cook
once since I met ya.
164
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:25,381
Uh, I can follow a recipe, thank you.
I'm not a complete idiot.
165
00:10:25,460 --> 00:10:27,901
I'll get 'em sat round a table,
they'll have to talk.
166
00:10:29,301 --> 00:10:30,741
[Stan] What are you doing?
167
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:33,781
Loss adjustor from the insurance
comes tomorrow.
168
00:10:33,860 --> 00:10:36,141
All me invoices
have been rendered unreadable
169
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:38,460
due to water damage,
so I have to estimate.
170
00:10:38,541 --> 00:10:41,220
-We don't sell electrical goods.
-Of course we do, Stanley.
171
00:10:41,821 --> 00:10:44,821
All my stock has been tragically decimated
in this fire.
172
00:10:45,501 --> 00:10:47,220
There's a skip down on Rayburn Common.
173
00:10:47,301 --> 00:10:48,781
Go see what you can find.
174
00:10:48,860 --> 00:10:51,301
Every piece of crap I drag in,
I get a tenner.
175
00:10:51,381 --> 00:10:52,860
What you doing?
176
00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:55,941
I need 30 quid.
177
00:10:58,100 --> 00:10:59,021
Is that a problem?
178
00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:05,301
I'm scrounging through skips,
doing this to my nails,
179
00:11:05,381 --> 00:11:06,941
and he can take what he wants?
180
00:11:07,021 --> 00:11:09,021
-[Stan] What d'you want doing with these?
-Kick fuck out of 'em.
181
00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:12,181
Mark 'em as reduced,
put 'em with fire stock.
182
00:11:24,821 --> 00:11:27,061
What was Debbie's quote?
183
00:11:27,141 --> 00:11:30,261
"The single most humiliating day
of my life",
184
00:11:30,340 --> 00:11:34,301
-and that's saying something, Frank.
-Well, I've had a dicky tummy, see,
185
00:11:34,381 --> 00:11:37,261
and... [sighs heavily]
186
00:11:40,181 --> 00:11:44,340
Even when you genuinely try to do right,
you still fuck it up, don't you?
187
00:11:44,421 --> 00:11:45,781
I'm cursed.
188
00:11:45,860 --> 00:11:49,421
Like I was Glen Hoddle
in a previous life or something.
189
00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:52,100
-Just listen sometimes.
-I do!
190
00:11:52,181 --> 00:11:54,980
I'm not talking about the gaps
in between what you wanna say!
191
00:11:55,061 --> 00:11:58,100
I mean, really listen.
192
00:11:58,181 --> 00:12:00,141
It's an undervalued skill.
193
00:12:05,541 --> 00:12:08,980
I best go in, endure the wrath of Debbie.
194
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:11,701
Well, she's not there.
They're down the Jockey.
195
00:12:11,781 --> 00:12:13,460
Yvonne's got the littl'un.
196
00:12:19,621 --> 00:12:21,781
Despite your reasonable tone,
and helpful advice,
197
00:12:21,860 --> 00:12:23,261
I still fucking hate ya.
198
00:12:23,340 --> 00:12:24,860
Of course.
199
00:12:33,541 --> 00:12:34,781
D'you like it, then?
200
00:12:36,980 --> 00:12:38,821
Four hours that took.
201
00:12:38,901 --> 00:12:42,220
It's a lovely surprise. Thank you, son.
202
00:12:42,301 --> 00:12:46,181
Did ya... follow the recipe to the letter?
203
00:12:46,261 --> 00:12:47,661
No.
204
00:12:47,740 --> 00:12:52,980
All... proper good cooks, right,
they stray from t'book a bit.
205
00:12:53,061 --> 00:12:56,661
Said "add sugar", but you don't add sugar
to hot food, do ya?
206
00:12:56,740 --> 00:12:59,740
-So, you replaced it with?
-Mango chutney.
207
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,620
Like you get in curries and that.
208
00:13:03,941 --> 00:13:04,941
Mango Bolognese.
209
00:13:05,021 --> 00:13:06,781
[snorts with laughter]
210
00:13:06,860 --> 00:13:08,740
-Yeah.
-Delicious.
211
00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:13,181
-[Kelly snorts with laughter]
-[all laughing]
212
00:13:13,261 --> 00:13:15,421
Pass the salt please, Mimi.
213
00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:17,021
[Mimi] Certainly.
214
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,301
[laughter]
215
00:13:20,501 --> 00:13:21,941
Oops!
216
00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:26,141
[Paddy] Can we have the room, please?
217
00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:31,501
-He means, get out.
-Oh.
218
00:13:38,541 --> 00:13:39,901
This stops now.
219
00:13:42,980 --> 00:13:44,460
Her name was Maureen.
220
00:13:44,541 --> 00:13:47,100
-Don't you fucking dare.
-[Paddy] I will not live like this.
221
00:13:47,181 --> 00:13:49,860
If it's all out in the open,
I've nothing left hanging over me.
222
00:13:49,941 --> 00:13:52,581
-I don't wanna know.
-Tough fucking titty!
223
00:13:53,860 --> 00:13:55,381
Maureen.
224
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:58,301
And I fell head over heels for her,
like an imbecilic schoolboy.
225
00:13:58,381 --> 00:14:01,980
Don't ask why cos I don't know.
Something lacking at home, maybe.
226
00:14:02,061 --> 00:14:05,340
A marriage long gone stagnant? Certainly.
227
00:14:05,421 --> 00:14:10,821
But, I am not the betraying kind, Mimi.
Never have been. Throughout our marriage.
228
00:14:10,901 --> 00:14:12,501
This woman...
229
00:14:14,301 --> 00:14:17,100
Sh... she ha... had something.
230
00:14:20,661 --> 00:14:21,901
And I fell.
231
00:14:23,220 --> 00:14:26,460
Had... something... did she?
232
00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:32,061
[tuts] She was special... was she?
233
00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:45,980
You've crossed a line, Paddy.
You should've left it unsaid.
234
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:54,460
Fucking Irish, fucking scum!
235
00:14:56,661 --> 00:14:59,021
[unintelligible] ...with his sob story.
236
00:15:01,821 --> 00:15:05,901
Deceitful... fucking excuse for a man!
237
00:15:06,541 --> 00:15:10,381
A real man would stand by his family.
[sobbing]
238
00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:12,021
Stand by his wife!
239
00:15:20,781 --> 00:15:24,021
[breathing heavily] Fuck!
240
00:15:28,901 --> 00:15:32,141
[man, woman moaning]
241
00:15:32,220 --> 00:15:33,381
He's got us over a barrel.
242
00:15:35,261 --> 00:15:37,781
-[music playing through TV]
-[door opens]
243
00:15:38,381 --> 00:15:41,061
[woman moaning over TV]
244
00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:44,100
What you think you doing?
Your mum's in there.
245
00:15:44,181 --> 00:15:47,500
Put it back on, and don't let the door
hit your fat arse on the way out.
246
00:15:47,581 --> 00:15:49,061
[laughter]
247
00:15:49,141 --> 00:15:52,381
If you value your bollocks, lads,
I suggest you make an exit. Now!
248
00:15:55,661 --> 00:15:57,941
You're a fucking crook and a liar.
And so's she.
249
00:15:58,021 --> 00:15:59,220
Your mum and dad
were trynna to protect ya.
250
00:15:59,301 --> 00:16:02,340
They were looking after the money.
Told us our dad was dead.
251
00:16:02,421 --> 00:16:04,100
-Cos it's always about the money.
-[Stan] That's not true.
252
00:16:04,181 --> 00:16:05,421
[Chesney] What do you know?
253
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:08,581
You're only here cos she's so desperate,
she'll shag anything.
254
00:16:10,941 --> 00:16:12,021
I'm sorry.
255
00:16:14,661 --> 00:16:16,980
-I'll do whatever I fucking like.
-[Stan] Sorry!
256
00:16:21,661 --> 00:16:23,021
[Meena] We need to talk.
257
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:31,781
Light a match under me.
You could deep fry haddock on me arms.
258
00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:34,460
I've shared a room with him long enough.
I think I know what his tastes are.
259
00:16:34,541 --> 00:16:36,220
And they're stuck in 1983, are they?
260
00:16:38,620 --> 00:16:40,821
I'm fucking starving. Does anyone fancy...
261
00:16:40,901 --> 00:16:42,301
Ooh!
262
00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:43,701
[Micky] Sorry.
263
00:16:44,661 --> 00:16:45,701
Needed the tape.
264
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:50,781
There's four rolls on the table.
265
00:16:52,821 --> 00:16:54,181
Oh, yeah. So there is.
266
00:16:54,261 --> 00:16:56,021
[Ian] Pizza. I'm going for pizza.
267
00:16:57,541 --> 00:16:58,661
No anchovies.
268
00:16:59,380 --> 00:17:00,220
Make me gag.
269
00:17:08,420 --> 00:17:11,180
[mellow music playing in background]
270
00:17:11,261 --> 00:17:12,100
Good day?
271
00:17:13,061 --> 00:17:13,900
Brilliant.
272
00:17:15,261 --> 00:17:16,900
He was really wonderful with her.
273
00:17:16,981 --> 00:17:17,821
And me.
274
00:17:19,180 --> 00:17:21,340
[Maxine]
But you know him in the biblical sense.
275
00:17:21,420 --> 00:17:22,301
Any good?
276
00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:26,061
I don't remember.
277
00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:27,701
Don't remember?
278
00:17:27,781 --> 00:17:30,461
-Well, not even...
-[both giggle]
279
00:17:30,541 --> 00:17:32,221
She wouldn't know. Never seen it.
280
00:17:33,221 --> 00:17:34,301
Nothing happened.
281
00:17:35,061 --> 00:17:37,341
Debbie was in no fit state
to go home by herself.
282
00:17:38,021 --> 00:17:41,781
And since her mate had fucked off...
I slept on the floor.
283
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:44,261
You didn't even cop a feel
while she were out of it?
284
00:17:44,341 --> 00:17:45,381
[Debbie] Max!
285
00:17:45,461 --> 00:17:47,621
Ninety-nine blokes out of a hundred would!
286
00:17:47,701 --> 00:17:50,101
If he didn't, that makes him weird.
287
00:17:50,781 --> 00:17:52,381
- Same again?
-Oh, yes. Ta.
288
00:17:59,381 --> 00:18:01,621
Tracey Parson, Psychology student.
289
00:18:01,701 --> 00:18:02,861
Paints pottery on weekends.
290
00:18:02,940 --> 00:18:05,940
-[Debbie] All coming back to her, then?
-No, not a fucking clue.
291
00:18:06,021 --> 00:18:07,981
-[Debbie] Just ask her direct.
-[Carl] Shouldn't need to.
292
00:18:08,061 --> 00:18:10,301
Look, I'm a really good shag, me.
Max, tell her.
293
00:18:11,940 --> 00:18:13,261
I'm an open-minded girl,
294
00:18:13,341 --> 00:18:15,981
but talking to your sister
about the ins and outs of shagging you
295
00:18:16,061 --> 00:18:18,021
is a little bit creepy. Even for me.
296
00:18:23,420 --> 00:18:24,741
[room quietens]
297
00:18:28,821 --> 00:18:32,021
-Pint and a Pampers, Frank?
-[laughter]
298
00:18:32,101 --> 00:18:34,061
Oh, ha, ha, very fucking droll.
299
00:18:34,141 --> 00:18:36,420
Just answer your calling,
and pull us a pint.
300
00:18:38,101 --> 00:18:40,221
That was my grandmother's funeral
this morning.
301
00:18:40,301 --> 00:18:42,420
-For fuck's sake!
-[Mark grunts]
302
00:18:43,341 --> 00:18:45,981
S... [stammers] That weren't deliberate.
303
00:18:46,781 --> 00:18:48,101
But, I didn't...
304
00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:53,141
Fine. Shit in a bush, gouge one stranger,
305
00:18:53,221 --> 00:18:57,301
and suddenly everyone's judge,
jury and fucking executioner.
306
00:19:10,541 --> 00:19:11,940
You're getting it on your vest.
307
00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:18,261
This is fucking humiliating!
308
00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:21,141
I look like a refugee
out of a shit boy band!
309
00:19:22,101 --> 00:19:24,061
Your seduction techniques are crap.
310
00:19:24,141 --> 00:19:25,180
I'm only ten.
311
00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:29,261
Yeah, well... you'll always be single
if this is the best you can do!
312
00:19:33,861 --> 00:19:34,900
What are you up to?
313
00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:37,900
[cries out]
314
00:19:42,900 --> 00:19:45,141
-[Debbie] Any better?
-[chuckles] Much.
315
00:19:46,341 --> 00:19:48,821
Still gonna floor that pillock
next time I see him.
316
00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:50,781
You can't.
317
00:19:54,180 --> 00:19:55,101
He's my dad.
318
00:19:58,021 --> 00:19:58,981
Why didn't you say?
319
00:19:59,061 --> 00:20:00,781
Well, cos I didn't wanna spoil things.
320
00:20:00,861 --> 00:20:03,021
-Thought you'd lie all day instead?
-I didn't lie.
321
00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:04,781
-You didn't tell the truth.
-He got pissed at a funeral,
322
00:20:04,861 --> 00:20:06,501
-it's not a crime.
-Blackening my granny's reputation
323
00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:08,381
-isn't in the best taste, though!
-It takes two.
324
00:20:08,461 --> 00:20:09,700
He was only 15.
325
00:20:09,781 --> 00:20:12,940
[laughs]
I can't believe you're defending him.
326
00:20:13,021 --> 00:20:15,501
Against the likes of you? Always.
327
00:20:17,101 --> 00:20:19,021
[thunder rumbles]
328
00:20:21,940 --> 00:20:23,420
It's a cold night, Frank.
329
00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:27,741
Something tells us
you're not socialising out here by choice.
330
00:20:27,821 --> 00:20:30,621
"Not socialising out here by choice."
331
00:20:33,341 --> 00:20:34,381
[Frank] What a day, eh?
332
00:20:35,061 --> 00:20:36,940
Lucky white heather.
333
00:20:38,660 --> 00:20:41,461
Don't bother coming home tonight!
You're an embarrassment!
334
00:20:42,940 --> 00:20:44,660
It wasn't my fault!
335
00:20:44,741 --> 00:20:47,581
No, Dad! It never is. Never!
336
00:20:47,660 --> 00:20:50,501
Yet it always, always fucking happens!
337
00:20:53,781 --> 00:20:54,621
[Norma] Told you.
338
00:20:54,700 --> 00:20:55,781
Try listening.
339
00:20:58,940 --> 00:21:00,660
You can always spoon in with me.
340
00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:03,981
I'll get a bed. Very popular, I am.
341
00:21:14,741 --> 00:21:15,581
Hello?
342
00:21:16,741 --> 00:21:17,581
Von?
343
00:21:20,381 --> 00:21:21,781
[Meena] So, it weren't a scam?
344
00:21:22,581 --> 00:21:24,461
[Yvonne] It weren't done to hurt ya.
345
00:21:24,541 --> 00:21:27,301
We had to fake your dad's death
to protect all of us.
346
00:21:27,381 --> 00:21:29,781
[Stan] We have to continue on
just like before, Meena.
347
00:21:31,621 --> 00:21:34,261
-[Meena] I'm going to bed.
-[Stan] I'll put the kettle on.
348
00:21:42,021 --> 00:21:45,821
-[eerie music]
-[clanking]
349
00:21:48,341 --> 00:21:51,900
[panting] Just want some shelter.
350
00:21:53,301 --> 00:21:55,981
Well, maybe a bit of heat.
351
00:21:56,061 --> 00:21:57,221
[grunts]
352
00:21:58,341 --> 00:21:59,621
[grunts]
353
00:22:06,180 --> 00:22:10,301
It's like death in here.
[breathes heavily]
354
00:22:15,021 --> 00:22:16,940
I never doubted you for a minute.
355
00:22:19,581 --> 00:22:20,821
[Mimi] It has to be clean.
356
00:22:21,660 --> 00:22:24,621
And only when I say.
I don't want any of the kids there.
357
00:22:29,660 --> 00:22:30,981
Don't under-estimate him.
358
00:22:31,061 --> 00:22:33,021
[Terry] Once I walk out of here,
359
00:22:33,101 --> 00:22:34,541
there's no changing your mind.
360
00:22:37,261 --> 00:22:39,221
He's done his worst. It's my turn now.
361
00:22:44,101 --> 00:22:44,940
And, Terry...
362
00:22:45,861 --> 00:22:46,700
Not the face.
363
00:22:47,621 --> 00:22:48,700
I want an open coffin.
364
00:22:50,180 --> 00:22:53,700
[dramatic anticipatory music]
365
00:23:01,261 --> 00:23:03,021
[church doors opens]
366
00:23:05,460 --> 00:23:06,541
What?
367
00:23:11,861 --> 00:23:14,301
[Mimi]
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
368
00:23:16,180 --> 00:23:20,501
It's been... well, too long
since my last confession.
369
00:23:20,581 --> 00:23:22,741
And I have made a terrible decision.
370
00:23:22,821 --> 00:23:25,581
A life-changing decision.
371
00:23:25,660 --> 00:23:30,021
I know it's a sin, and I am sorry,
but I've got no choice.
372
00:23:30,101 --> 00:23:31,660
[mouths] No, no, no.
373
00:23:31,741 --> 00:23:34,101
[Mimi] I'm going through with it,
374
00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:36,700
regardless of what you tell me today.
375
00:23:38,781 --> 00:23:42,180
And I want the Lord to know
I do it with a heavy heart.
376
00:23:45,261 --> 00:23:46,940
You with me, Father?
377
00:23:47,021 --> 00:23:48,741
[coughs, in deep voice] Yes, yes.
378
00:23:48,821 --> 00:23:53,180
I, uh... continue... my child.
379
00:23:53,261 --> 00:23:54,821
Have you got a cold?
380
00:23:55,741 --> 00:23:58,700
Allergy. Altar wine. [coughs]
381
00:24:00,301 --> 00:24:03,180
I'm going to murder my husband.
382
00:24:03,261 --> 00:24:06,541
Well, not personally.
I've arranged to have it done.
383
00:24:08,420 --> 00:24:10,900
I'll understand if you want me to leave.
384
00:24:14,221 --> 00:24:15,900
[Frank in deep voice] No, go on.
385
00:24:18,821 --> 00:24:20,581
I hope you've got a free hour.
386
00:24:26,180 --> 00:24:30,261
[indistinct laughter, chatter from TV]
387
00:24:32,261 --> 00:24:34,381
What did you do?
388
00:24:34,460 --> 00:24:38,101
-What?
-With Tracey-what's-her-fucking-name?
389
00:24:38,180 --> 00:24:39,381
What did you do?
390
00:24:39,460 --> 00:24:42,541
Let's see if we can find out
where you're going wrong.
391
00:24:42,621 --> 00:24:43,541
Well...
392
00:24:45,541 --> 00:24:47,180
First, we sort of...
393
00:24:49,381 --> 00:24:51,261
Right, I had her like this...
394
00:24:51,341 --> 00:24:54,741
For fuck's sake,
it would help if you spoke the language.
395
00:24:54,821 --> 00:24:57,061
Right, pretend I'm her. Where should I be?
396
00:24:57,141 --> 00:24:59,781
Erm... On your back, I suppose.
397
00:24:59,861 --> 00:25:01,981
[grunts] And where are you?
398
00:25:02,061 --> 00:25:04,541
Sort of... here.
399
00:25:04,621 --> 00:25:06,501
Doing what?
400
00:25:06,581 --> 00:25:09,141
You know, mouth and fingers and stuff.
401
00:25:09,220 --> 00:25:11,861
-How long?
-I wasn't timing it!
402
00:25:13,220 --> 00:25:15,180
I don't know, um...
403
00:25:16,541 --> 00:25:18,180
Until my tongue were sore.
404
00:25:21,180 --> 00:25:23,141
Yeah, nothing wrong there.
405
00:25:23,220 --> 00:25:25,501
-Then what?
-[Carl] Maybe a bit of...
406
00:25:28,900 --> 00:25:30,460
something like this.
407
00:25:37,821 --> 00:25:39,341
Seems good.
408
00:25:40,700 --> 00:25:41,940
[mobile phone rings]
409
00:25:44,301 --> 00:25:45,420
Hello?
410
00:25:46,460 --> 00:25:47,541
[whispers] It's her!
411
00:25:48,821 --> 00:25:50,021
[sighs]
412
00:25:57,101 --> 00:25:58,621
He didn't come home then?
413
00:25:59,981 --> 00:26:03,981
What you did was wrong,
really fucking wrong.
414
00:26:04,061 --> 00:26:05,741
He's not as tough as he makes out.
415
00:26:10,581 --> 00:26:13,220
[light-hearted anticipatory music]
416
00:26:29,861 --> 00:26:32,021
I don't know how you do it, mate.
Honestly.
417
00:26:32,101 --> 00:26:33,341
I'm full of admiration.
418
00:26:40,460 --> 00:26:41,660
[door slams]
419
00:26:44,821 --> 00:26:45,940
[Paddy] Up with the lark?
420
00:26:47,101 --> 00:26:48,180
Got a lot on me mind.
421
00:26:48,261 --> 00:26:50,021
Anything I can do to ease the burden?
422
00:26:51,621 --> 00:26:52,541
Not particularly.
423
00:26:54,061 --> 00:26:58,501
This tension, this fucking atmosphere,
all the time between you two.
424
00:26:58,581 --> 00:26:59,821
It's cancerous.
425
00:26:59,900 --> 00:27:02,220
Your mother and I
are working through our problems.
426
00:27:02,301 --> 00:27:03,141
Isn't that right?
427
00:27:03,981 --> 00:27:05,180
Takes time, that's all.
428
00:27:06,700 --> 00:27:08,301
What needs to be done will be done.
429
00:27:12,021 --> 00:27:12,861
Good.
430
00:27:13,781 --> 00:27:15,781
As long as you're prepared to work at it.
431
00:27:17,061 --> 00:27:20,141
[anticipatory music]
432
00:27:26,821 --> 00:27:28,381
[Maxine] He doesn't even like her.
433
00:27:28,460 --> 00:27:30,220
-What's it to you?
-[baby gurgles]
434
00:27:30,301 --> 00:27:31,141
Nothing.
435
00:27:34,900 --> 00:27:36,821
Don't want him making a dick of himself.
436
00:27:37,501 --> 00:27:39,381
I mean, she ain't all that.
437
00:27:41,021 --> 00:27:42,541
Just tell him you like him.
438
00:27:44,420 --> 00:27:46,940
-[Frank] Oh, fu...
-[Maxine] What are you talking about?
439
00:27:50,101 --> 00:27:52,021
[sighs heavily]
440
00:27:52,101 --> 00:27:53,621
I know he's your brother, Debs,
441
00:27:53,700 --> 00:27:56,741
[Maxine over the baby monitor]
but I can't stop thinking about him.
442
00:27:56,821 --> 00:28:01,021
Oh, shut up! I don't want to hear this!
[blows]
443
00:28:01,101 --> 00:28:03,460
[Maxine over the baby monitor]
I know I said we should just be mates...
444
00:28:03,541 --> 00:28:05,341
[grunting]
445
00:28:06,420 --> 00:28:10,341
I was playing hard to get.
He was supposed to pick up on the signals.
446
00:28:12,301 --> 00:28:14,180
-You think you've got problems.
-Hello?
447
00:28:14,900 --> 00:28:18,021
Earth calling planet fucking Hollyoaks.
448
00:28:18,101 --> 00:28:20,501
I met a bloke, I slept with him
before I even knew his na--
449
00:28:20,581 --> 00:28:22,501
Why are you torturing me?
450
00:28:22,581 --> 00:28:25,101
Called his granny a slapper,
and then walked out on him.
451
00:28:26,621 --> 00:28:27,781
And I think I love him.
452
00:28:37,381 --> 00:28:40,220
[mouths] Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!
453
00:28:44,741 --> 00:28:46,660
-So, have you tried listening?
-[Frank] Listening!
454
00:28:46,741 --> 00:28:49,501
I know things no person should ever know.
455
00:28:49,581 --> 00:28:50,980
If I say, I'm fucked.
456
00:28:51,061 --> 00:28:52,781
If I don't say, I'm fucked.
457
00:28:53,541 --> 00:28:55,180
You have ruined my life.
458
00:28:56,180 --> 00:28:57,700
It's not even lunchtime!
459
00:29:01,101 --> 00:29:01,980
Francis.
460
00:29:03,501 --> 00:29:04,341
A word.
461
00:29:05,381 --> 00:29:07,021
Oh, for fuck's sake.
462
00:29:07,101 --> 00:29:08,420
[dramatic music]
463
00:29:15,101 --> 00:29:16,261
Have you really fainted?
464
00:29:18,900 --> 00:29:19,781
No.
465
00:29:22,741 --> 00:29:24,301
Then come and spend some time.
466
00:29:24,381 --> 00:29:25,261
Mano a mano.
467
00:29:26,781 --> 00:29:28,741
I don't know who I'm more worried about...
468
00:29:28,821 --> 00:29:32,501
you and your weird notions
of what gay men like,
469
00:29:32,581 --> 00:29:35,341
-or him, for listening to ya.
-You leaving again.
470
00:29:35,420 --> 00:29:36,660
Yeah, Liam, I am.
471
00:29:36,741 --> 00:29:39,341
I wanna be happy and I'm not gonna find it
two doors away.
472
00:29:40,021 --> 00:29:41,021
Why not?
473
00:29:41,861 --> 00:29:43,621
Cos we're not an endangered species.
474
00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:46,501
We don't have to mate
with the first gay bloke we see.
475
00:29:46,581 --> 00:29:48,940
You don't have to go
halfway across the world either.
476
00:29:49,021 --> 00:29:51,900
-It's exactly the same, just hotter.
-Fine.
477
00:29:51,980 --> 00:29:53,700
I'll be a lonely poof with a suntan.
478
00:29:53,781 --> 00:29:55,021
So, you admit it then?
479
00:29:57,781 --> 00:29:58,700
Admit what?
480
00:29:59,381 --> 00:30:00,261
That you're lonely.
481
00:30:12,220 --> 00:30:13,741
[Chesney] I'll catch up with ya.
482
00:30:17,501 --> 00:30:20,621
-So, what? You striking out on your own?
-Maybe.
483
00:30:20,700 --> 00:30:22,980
So, long as I stump you the cash?
I don't need you.
484
00:30:23,061 --> 00:30:24,261
Is this what you'd like?
485
00:30:27,141 --> 00:30:28,420
Cos if it is, go ahead.
486
00:30:31,101 --> 00:30:32,621
If you hate me that much.
487
00:30:33,301 --> 00:30:36,180
-I don't hate you.
-I'd gladly do it, Chesney.
488
00:30:36,261 --> 00:30:37,420
For you or Meena.
489
00:30:38,900 --> 00:30:40,940
Cos that's what it's like
when you have kids.
490
00:30:41,660 --> 00:30:44,301
You love them
more than the air you fucking breathe.
491
00:30:44,381 --> 00:30:45,341
Yeah, right.
492
00:30:45,420 --> 00:30:47,900
D'you think this is the life
I dreamt for meself?
493
00:30:49,621 --> 00:30:50,940
We had no choice.
494
00:30:53,301 --> 00:30:55,501
Stop fucking hiding, Chesney!
495
00:30:56,180 --> 00:30:58,501
We were gonna be on the street, no income.
496
00:30:58,581 --> 00:31:00,861
Money, money, money. Not fucking money!
497
00:31:00,940 --> 00:31:02,541
[blade scrapes]
498
00:31:08,861 --> 00:31:09,980
I love you, son.
499
00:31:16,141 --> 00:31:17,261
[exhales]
500
00:31:19,180 --> 00:31:23,700
-[knife clatters]
-[tense music]
501
00:31:23,781 --> 00:31:25,381
Chesney, please!
502
00:31:27,220 --> 00:31:30,621
[indistinct children's chatter, laughter]
503
00:31:30,700 --> 00:31:33,261
What's with the Cheshire cat look, 24/7?
504
00:31:34,180 --> 00:31:35,861
Nothing.
505
00:31:35,940 --> 00:31:37,781
Just wish it could always be like this.
506
00:31:37,861 --> 00:31:38,700
Like what?
507
00:31:39,781 --> 00:31:42,261
Us three, having a laugh, getting on.
508
00:31:42,341 --> 00:31:43,261
Why shouldn't it be?
509
00:31:45,261 --> 00:31:47,381
Cos real life gets in the way.
510
00:31:47,460 --> 00:31:48,501
No reason why.
511
00:31:50,141 --> 00:31:51,900
Business is good. Come and work for me.
512
00:31:52,781 --> 00:31:53,940
Spend every day together.
513
00:31:55,180 --> 00:31:56,621
Oh, why not? You'd be brilliant.
514
00:31:59,420 --> 00:32:00,261
Even better...
515
00:32:01,621 --> 00:32:02,460
Marry me.
516
00:32:03,740 --> 00:32:05,301
-Joe!
-She should hear it.
517
00:32:05,381 --> 00:32:07,301
-It concerns her too.
-[laughter]
518
00:32:07,381 --> 00:32:08,980
[Joe grunts]
519
00:32:09,061 --> 00:32:09,900
[kiss]
520
00:32:09,980 --> 00:32:11,460
So? Will ya?
521
00:32:13,581 --> 00:32:17,900
I just fucking told 'em straight out.
Like, "Oi! Sort it out!"
522
00:32:17,980 --> 00:32:19,381
I think it's made a difference.
523
00:32:19,460 --> 00:32:21,501
I dunno, Shane. There's a lot of hurt.
524
00:32:21,581 --> 00:32:24,301
Hmm. They said they'd try.
Didn't they, Kel?
525
00:32:24,381 --> 00:32:25,261
Tell him.
526
00:32:25,940 --> 00:32:29,021
Well, I wasn't exactly feeling
the love in the room.
527
00:32:29,861 --> 00:32:32,341
-[Jamie] Pint?
-[Ian] Yeah, please, mate.
528
00:32:38,581 --> 00:32:39,581
[Ian] Micky?
529
00:32:41,541 --> 00:32:42,821
Just come out, I saw ya.
530
00:32:52,541 --> 00:32:53,381
What you doing?
531
00:32:54,381 --> 00:32:56,101
Not getting humiliated any more.
532
00:32:56,180 --> 00:32:59,420
And locking yourself in the public toilet
is the dignified response?
533
00:32:59,501 --> 00:33:01,900
What was that shit all about last night?
[chuckling]
534
00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:03,700
Yeah, go on! Laugh it up!
535
00:33:03,781 --> 00:33:06,021
-I'm not laughing.
-It was Liam's idea.
536
00:33:07,541 --> 00:33:11,101
I hadn't thought about you in...
a long time.
537
00:33:11,861 --> 00:33:12,940
You know, I've moved on.
538
00:33:13,660 --> 00:33:15,021
But he talked me into it.
539
00:33:17,180 --> 00:33:18,541
And I made a dick of meself.
540
00:33:18,621 --> 00:33:20,301
-You didn't make a dick--
-Yes, I did!
541
00:33:22,940 --> 00:33:24,021
But it's all right.
542
00:33:25,180 --> 00:33:26,021
It's a reminder.
543
00:33:26,101 --> 00:33:27,660
Of what?
544
00:33:27,740 --> 00:33:29,821
To look after meself, first and last.
545
00:33:29,900 --> 00:33:31,141
-Micky--
-No, I'm cool.
546
00:33:31,980 --> 00:33:33,021
Seriously.
547
00:33:34,861 --> 00:33:36,581
Just go and do your own thing, Ian.
548
00:33:36,660 --> 00:33:40,101
[emotive music]
549
00:33:40,180 --> 00:33:41,301
I won't lose any sleep.
550
00:33:46,501 --> 00:33:47,581
Ten pee.
551
00:33:48,301 --> 00:33:49,460
Add it to your funds.
552
00:33:51,220 --> 00:33:54,021
-I ain't got a fund yet.
-Having second thoughts?
553
00:33:55,460 --> 00:33:57,261
You're a shit-stirring little bastard.
554
00:34:06,940 --> 00:34:07,861
Something to say?
555
00:34:08,780 --> 00:34:09,621
[Mark] No.
556
00:34:20,581 --> 00:34:22,860
-Hi. Is Debbie in?
-Are you the new boyfriend?
557
00:34:22,941 --> 00:34:26,021
Um, no, uh, not exactly.
558
00:34:27,260 --> 00:34:29,901
[Liam] Debbie! Your new boyfriend's here!
559
00:34:35,981 --> 00:34:36,941
I was out of line.
560
00:34:38,220 --> 00:34:39,061
I'm sorry.
561
00:34:39,941 --> 00:34:40,941
I like you.
562
00:34:42,340 --> 00:34:45,141
You're funny and spunky and loyal...
563
00:34:47,901 --> 00:34:48,740
And beautiful.
564
00:34:49,501 --> 00:34:50,621
I like being with you.
565
00:34:52,300 --> 00:34:53,141
Is that it?
566
00:34:53,220 --> 00:34:54,260
More or less.
567
00:35:03,981 --> 00:35:05,461
[Mark] You hear all of that?
568
00:35:06,820 --> 00:35:08,741
Every word.
569
00:35:08,820 --> 00:35:09,820
Good.
570
00:35:13,021 --> 00:35:17,021
[funky upbeat music]
571
00:35:21,780 --> 00:35:23,061
[Frank] Well, I admit it.
572
00:35:23,141 --> 00:35:25,541
I was legging it to the funeral
for the free swallow.
573
00:35:25,621 --> 00:35:28,101
I don't want to know
about my children's love lives,
574
00:35:28,181 --> 00:35:31,661
or my neighbour's insurance
scam-stroke-death falsification.
575
00:35:31,741 --> 00:35:36,461
It is not my place
to be aware of marital struggles
576
00:35:36,541 --> 00:35:41,101
of dear, dear friends,
whom I consider extended family.
577
00:35:41,181 --> 00:35:44,621
I'm weighed down
by too much information, Paddy.
578
00:35:46,941 --> 00:35:49,901
I have no fucking clue what you just said.
579
00:35:49,981 --> 00:35:52,461
And why in God's name
d'you think it would interest me?
580
00:35:52,541 --> 00:35:56,741
[stammers] You brought me here to...
581
00:35:56,820 --> 00:35:58,021
You were gonna...
582
00:35:59,221 --> 00:36:01,061
Because...
583
00:36:01,141 --> 00:36:03,141
[stammers] you know I know.
584
00:36:03,221 --> 00:36:04,181
Know what?
585
00:36:08,221 --> 00:36:09,661
Nothing.
586
00:36:12,021 --> 00:36:13,780
[sighs deeply]
587
00:36:13,860 --> 00:36:19,021
Someone intends to do me harm.
I don't yet know who to trust,
588
00:36:19,101 --> 00:36:22,381
so your role here
is a double-edged insurance policy.
589
00:36:22,461 --> 00:36:25,261
On the one hand,
you'll serve as a witness to what is said.
590
00:36:25,340 --> 00:36:28,221
-You're gonna try and talk him out of it?
-Hell, no.
591
00:36:28,300 --> 00:36:31,941
I'm gonna offer him twice the fee
to shoot my wife.
592
00:36:32,021 --> 00:36:35,261
-[doorbell jangles]
-[tense anticipatory music]
593
00:36:35,340 --> 00:36:36,741
My other role?
594
00:36:36,820 --> 00:36:39,061
[whispers]
You're my human shield, Francis.
595
00:36:56,621 --> 00:36:59,461
[doorbell jangles]
596
00:37:00,261 --> 00:37:02,021
Why, why, though? Paddy.
597
00:37:02,101 --> 00:37:04,701
Why reveal all this information to me?
598
00:37:04,780 --> 00:37:07,901
I'm totally unreliable. Well known
for letting down all and sundry--
599
00:37:07,981 --> 00:37:10,181
-Shut the fuck up, Frank.
-[Frank grunts] No, Paddy.
600
00:37:10,261 --> 00:37:13,820
Paddy, you can't do it.
You can't kill your wife.
601
00:37:13,901 --> 00:37:16,021
Yes, she may be the harridan from hell,
but that's beside the point--
602
00:37:16,101 --> 00:37:18,860
[in anger] She took a contract out on me.
603
00:37:18,941 --> 00:37:22,541
Yeah, fair, fair point.
But, but, yeah... [stutters]
604
00:37:22,621 --> 00:37:25,661
And more fool her for getting
one of your colleagues to do this deed.
605
00:37:25,741 --> 00:37:28,021
You're flapping like a teenage girl.
606
00:37:28,101 --> 00:37:30,181
Keep a low profile.
607
00:37:30,261 --> 00:37:33,101
If it goes belly-up for me,
give a statement.
608
00:37:33,181 --> 00:37:35,661
If it goes in my favour...
609
00:37:35,741 --> 00:37:38,621
I'll let you keep your legs
in return for your silence.
610
00:37:38,701 --> 00:37:40,901
[tense music]
611
00:37:41,621 --> 00:37:43,541
[doorbell jangles]
612
00:38:01,461 --> 00:38:03,021
[huffs out breath heavily]
613
00:38:14,661 --> 00:38:15,661
Can we talk?
614
00:38:25,141 --> 00:38:28,021
-Nothing to talk about.
-I wanted to say I'm sorry.
615
00:38:29,741 --> 00:38:30,581
What for?
616
00:38:31,621 --> 00:38:33,021
For always blanking ya.
617
00:38:34,021 --> 00:38:36,701
-Not treating you with respect.
-Yeah, well, cheers.
618
00:38:38,701 --> 00:38:39,941
Enjoy France.
619
00:38:40,021 --> 00:38:41,181
Ibiza's in Spain.
620
00:38:41,941 --> 00:38:43,380
And I'm not going.
621
00:38:46,380 --> 00:38:47,701
Not yet, any road.
622
00:38:48,941 --> 00:38:50,941
I'm not ready to leave yet.
623
00:38:51,021 --> 00:38:51,981
How come?
624
00:38:52,661 --> 00:38:53,701
Don't push it.
625
00:38:53,780 --> 00:38:56,021
[both chuckle]
626
00:38:57,261 --> 00:38:59,021
Kettle only takes a minute to boil.
627
00:39:04,421 --> 00:39:05,820
[mouths] Thank you.
628
00:39:11,581 --> 00:39:12,621
He's still there.
629
00:39:13,901 --> 00:39:14,741
Three hours.
630
00:39:14,820 --> 00:39:15,741
I don't care.
631
00:39:17,421 --> 00:39:19,221
You've got a nice-looking fella,
632
00:39:19,300 --> 00:39:21,981
prepared to sit in the middle
of a public thoroughfare,
633
00:39:22,061 --> 00:39:23,141
with no toilet break,
634
00:39:23,221 --> 00:39:25,181
just in the hope
that you might talk to him.
635
00:39:27,780 --> 00:39:30,780
-You said you loved him this morning.
-No, I didn't.
636
00:39:30,860 --> 00:39:32,941
No, I said "maybe".
637
00:39:33,021 --> 00:39:33,901
I might.
638
00:39:38,661 --> 00:39:41,581
-Meeting her for a drink.
-Yeah, what d'ya want? A medal?
639
00:39:41,661 --> 00:39:42,661
Freaks.
640
00:39:46,780 --> 00:39:47,701
Well?
641
00:39:49,141 --> 00:39:50,860
I'm not talking to him.
642
00:39:51,941 --> 00:39:53,141
Look, treat 'em mean.
643
00:39:53,221 --> 00:39:55,300
[both sigh]
644
00:39:56,741 --> 00:39:57,780
I'm going for a walk.
645
00:39:59,141 --> 00:40:01,021
To the Jockey, by any chance?
646
00:40:01,101 --> 00:40:02,021
No.
647
00:40:07,661 --> 00:40:10,021
-Stood you up, has she?
-No.
648
00:40:10,101 --> 00:40:11,541
Just a bit late, that's all.
649
00:40:12,380 --> 00:40:14,820
You wanna get the priorities right
in your head, Carl.
650
00:40:14,901 --> 00:40:17,261
-How so?
-You don't even care about this bird.
651
00:40:17,340 --> 00:40:19,221
Some girl you'll likely never see again.
652
00:40:20,300 --> 00:40:22,221
Should focus your energies on the future.
653
00:40:24,421 --> 00:40:25,340
Which is...?
654
00:40:33,941 --> 00:40:34,981
Twins!
655
00:40:36,061 --> 00:40:37,701
I didn't shag her, I shagged her!
656
00:40:38,981 --> 00:40:40,021
[Carl gasps, grunts]
657
00:40:42,061 --> 00:40:43,141
[Carl] The sister...
658
00:40:44,741 --> 00:40:45,741
I shagged the sister.
659
00:40:54,061 --> 00:40:54,981
[sniffs]
660
00:41:02,501 --> 00:41:03,661
Where d'you get the chair?
661
00:41:03,741 --> 00:41:05,061
My house.
662
00:41:05,141 --> 00:41:05,981
You got a car?
663
00:41:07,340 --> 00:41:08,340
Brought it on the bus.
664
00:41:09,421 --> 00:41:10,380
So, you planned this?
665
00:41:10,461 --> 00:41:12,780
If you'd spoke to me earlier,
I wouldn't of need it.
666
00:41:12,860 --> 00:41:16,021
Then I'd just be an idiot
who carried a chair across Manchester
667
00:41:16,101 --> 00:41:19,261
-on a bus for no reason.
-[Debbie] It's not cute, you know.
668
00:41:20,101 --> 00:41:22,981
Could be seen as creepy.
You know, like a stalker.
669
00:41:26,461 --> 00:41:27,820
So, you just gonna sit there?
670
00:41:28,981 --> 00:41:30,021
-Yep.
-[Debbie] Why?
671
00:41:31,981 --> 00:41:33,021
Cos you kissed me.
672
00:41:34,221 --> 00:41:36,181
And you don't strike me
as the type of girl
673
00:41:36,261 --> 00:41:37,780
who just kisses anybody.
674
00:41:37,860 --> 00:41:39,021
Suit yourself.
675
00:41:41,860 --> 00:41:44,421
[murmurs] Look round. Go on, look round.
676
00:42:17,860 --> 00:42:19,141
Mimi Maguire!
677
00:42:21,340 --> 00:42:23,661
Catherine Mary Joy Maguire.
678
00:42:24,621 --> 00:42:26,181
Get your big old arse out here.
679
00:42:30,380 --> 00:42:33,300
[tense music]
680
00:42:43,981 --> 00:42:45,181
[Paddy] So, here we are.
681
00:42:45,261 --> 00:42:47,021
[anticipatory music]
682
00:42:52,021 --> 00:42:53,860
Did you think I wouldn't find out?
683
00:42:56,181 --> 00:42:57,421
What are you waiting for?
684
00:42:57,501 --> 00:42:59,021
I don't think so, Mimi.
685
00:42:59,741 --> 00:43:03,221
See, I've also compensated
young Terrence here to take a pop at you.
686
00:43:04,741 --> 00:43:06,941
Two for one, spring sale.
687
00:43:07,021 --> 00:43:09,141
It's never too late to think again,
you know.
688
00:43:09,221 --> 00:43:10,621
My thoughts precisely.
689
00:43:12,621 --> 00:43:15,780
It's none... or both, Mimi.
690
00:43:17,380 --> 00:43:18,661
What do ya think?
691
00:43:25,181 --> 00:43:26,501
[shouts] I fucking hate you!
692
00:43:26,581 --> 00:43:27,741
I understand.
693
00:43:31,141 --> 00:43:32,141
And I'm sorry.
694
00:43:35,300 --> 00:43:37,021
I'm not too fond of myself neither.
695
00:43:40,021 --> 00:43:43,181
That's why changes have to happen,
whether you like them or not.
696
00:43:44,941 --> 00:43:48,941
He did stray from the fold, Mimi,
but it was never consummated.
697
00:43:49,021 --> 00:43:50,981
I mean, what man doesn't window shop?
698
00:43:51,061 --> 00:43:54,261
-How the fuck d'you know that?
-[Paddy] Yes, how you know?
699
00:43:59,221 --> 00:44:01,340
Intuition. Empathy.
700
00:44:02,981 --> 00:44:04,581
What changes?
701
00:44:04,661 --> 00:44:06,021
Fundamental ones.
702
00:44:07,061 --> 00:44:09,461
The kind that take a long time
to negotiate.
703
00:44:14,061 --> 00:44:15,221
Call it off, Terry.
704
00:44:17,300 --> 00:44:18,300
You can go now, Terry.
705
00:44:18,380 --> 00:44:21,380
-I think we can deal with it.
-Ah, it's gone too far, Paddy.
706
00:44:21,461 --> 00:44:23,021
[Mimi] What are you talking about?
707
00:44:23,101 --> 00:44:25,820
What, you don't think
I do this for the profit margin, do ya?
708
00:44:26,541 --> 00:44:28,661
See, I've made arrangements
with certain parties
709
00:44:28,741 --> 00:44:30,661
about business opportunities in this area.
710
00:44:32,261 --> 00:44:35,300
A lot of people are gonna be very happy
to see the back of you two.
711
00:44:35,380 --> 00:44:38,141
Look, it's not really my argument.
I'd just be cannon fodder.
712
00:44:38,221 --> 00:44:41,461
-[Terry] Do not move a fucking muscle.
-Well, I've got a dicky tummy!
713
00:44:45,661 --> 00:44:47,141
You can't half-rabbit on, bitch.
714
00:44:48,181 --> 00:44:49,621
[slamming]
715
00:45:04,661 --> 00:45:07,661
-Who the fuck are you?
-Debbie's new boyfriend.
716
00:45:07,741 --> 00:45:11,581
-No, he's not.
-Yes, he is!
717
00:45:11,661 --> 00:45:13,621
You love him.
718
00:45:14,701 --> 00:45:17,380
She is infatuated with Carl.
719
00:45:17,461 --> 00:45:20,860
They have run two insurance scams now,
over Kash's death,
720
00:45:20,941 --> 00:45:24,820
which they may actually have played
a part in, willing or otherwise.
721
00:45:24,900 --> 00:45:27,141
These two took out hits on each other
722
00:45:27,221 --> 00:45:31,340
because he had an ultimately unsuccessful
dalliance with a psycho
723
00:45:31,421 --> 00:45:33,701
who turned him into a heroin addict.
724
00:45:33,780 --> 00:45:38,421
And I don't ever want to talk
to any of you again, about anything.
725
00:45:38,501 --> 00:45:43,181
I have no desire to know.
Is that enough listening for ya?
726
00:45:45,860 --> 00:45:50,181
Tell me again about
your relationship expertise, sweetheart.
727
00:45:50,261 --> 00:45:52,340
[emotive music]
728
00:46:00,621 --> 00:46:02,340
[clanging]
729
00:46:17,141 --> 00:46:19,741
[Debbie]
Information is a dangerous commodity.
730
00:46:19,820 --> 00:46:24,261
If it's misused and misunderstood,
it can have real consequences.
731
00:46:24,340 --> 00:46:26,780
But information is only words.
732
00:46:26,860 --> 00:46:31,101
Actions speak louder. Much louder.
733
00:46:43,141 --> 00:46:44,621
[Debbie moans, breathes heavily]
734
00:46:47,021 --> 00:46:48,541
[Mark grunts]
735
00:46:51,421 --> 00:46:52,501
Help! Somebody!
736
00:46:53,581 --> 00:46:55,501
Sorry I'm late, Sister.
737
00:46:55,581 --> 00:46:57,380
Me fucking child benefit's been stopped!
738
00:46:57,461 --> 00:46:59,941
Restart. Now!
739
00:47:00,021 --> 00:47:01,741
-[manager] Stop!
-I'm pregnant.
740
00:47:01,820 --> 00:47:03,181
Don't know who's it is, do ya?
741
00:47:03,261 --> 00:47:06,900
-I'm not angry.
-Just get the fuck away from me.
742
00:47:06,981 --> 00:47:08,221
[Maureen screams]
743
00:47:08,300 --> 00:47:11,101
But meself a new motor.
Probably score more birds.
744
00:47:11,181 --> 00:47:13,581
So, you get yourself a car and fuck off!
745
00:47:17,061 --> 00:47:18,621
Are you Maureen?
746
00:47:20,661 --> 00:47:22,461
[screams] Don't!
747
00:48:02,780 --> 00:48:04,860
[Lillian]
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
748
00:48:04,941 --> 00:48:08,021
I've been having impure thoughts, Father.
749
00:48:08,101 --> 00:48:12,141
-[Frank in deep voice] Ooh, about whom?
-[Lillian] Is it necessary to say?
750
00:48:12,221 --> 00:48:14,501
If one wishes the Lord's forgiveness...
751
00:48:14,581 --> 00:48:18,501
Well, it's Frank. Frank Gallagher.
752
00:48:18,581 --> 00:48:20,380
He sends a quiver through me loins.
753
00:48:20,461 --> 00:48:22,021
[rattling]
754
00:48:22,101 --> 00:48:23,621
Father?
755
00:48:24,541 --> 00:48:26,701
Father?
83097
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