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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,221 --> 00:00:07,380 [intro music] 2 00:00:07,460 --> 00:00:11,541 [Frank] Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express! 3 00:00:11,621 --> 00:00:16,581 Come and watch pikeys making a mess of the lives they were given 4 00:00:16,661 --> 00:00:19,061 by him upstairs. 5 00:00:19,140 --> 00:00:22,381 And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs. 6 00:00:22,460 --> 00:00:28,861 What sounds on earth could ever replace kids needing money or wives in your face? 7 00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:31,901 Cos this, people reckon, and me included, 8 00:00:31,980 --> 00:00:36,260 is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented. 9 00:00:36,341 --> 00:00:40,940 To calm us all down and stop us going mental. 10 00:00:41,021 --> 00:00:45,220 These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials. 11 00:00:45,301 --> 00:00:49,381 We are worth every penny for grinding your axes. 12 00:00:49,461 --> 00:00:53,860 You shit on our heads, but you pay the taxes. 13 00:00:57,421 --> 00:01:00,741 Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers 14 00:01:00,821 --> 00:01:03,421 who'd come on your face for the price of a beer. 15 00:01:03,501 --> 00:01:07,621 Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now! 16 00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:11,780 Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now! 17 00:01:11,861 --> 00:01:13,060 [laughing] [cough] 18 00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:15,341 Scatter! 19 00:01:15,420 --> 00:01:16,821 Party! 20 00:01:31,461 --> 00:01:34,181 [Karen] We live in an age of no accountability. 21 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:37,101 Banks, celebrities, politicians. 22 00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:39,661 "It weren't my fault, a big boy did it and ran away." 23 00:01:40,821 --> 00:01:42,181 Mea culpa. 24 00:01:42,261 --> 00:01:44,261 It was my fault. 25 00:01:44,341 --> 00:01:46,060 Not afraid you wear too much nowadays. 26 00:01:47,220 --> 00:01:51,261 But now and again, you have to accept it was your fault. 27 00:01:51,341 --> 00:01:54,661 Whatever happened, happened because of you. 28 00:01:54,741 --> 00:01:57,341 And I know guilt is just God's way of controlling us, 29 00:01:57,420 --> 00:01:59,580 reminding us that what we do has consequences. 30 00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:00,461 [knock at the door] 31 00:02:03,541 --> 00:02:05,741 Fucking works, though. 32 00:02:05,821 --> 00:02:07,940 Makes you sick to your stomach 33 00:02:08,021 --> 00:02:11,100 knowing something you've done could hurt someone else. 34 00:02:14,021 --> 00:02:16,141 I wouldn't give you a hand shandy for counterfeit this bad. 35 00:02:16,221 --> 00:02:19,021 Time was a forger took pride in his work. 36 00:02:20,621 --> 00:02:21,941 Prat! 37 00:02:28,621 --> 00:02:30,581 [knock at the door] 38 00:02:30,661 --> 00:02:31,861 [door opens] 39 00:02:40,301 --> 00:02:42,421 -That for me? -Yeah. 40 00:02:42,501 --> 00:02:44,461 Thought wou could do with cheering up. 41 00:02:49,141 --> 00:02:50,781 Come and give us a kiss. 42 00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:53,540 [Mandy] Aw... 43 00:02:55,941 --> 00:02:59,100 Whatever happens between you and Jamie, I'm here, yeah? 44 00:02:59,181 --> 00:03:00,661 No sides. 45 00:03:03,181 --> 00:03:04,221 Come on, you. 46 00:03:07,341 --> 00:03:09,781 -Say bye-bye to Auntie Karen. -Bye-bye. 47 00:03:09,861 --> 00:03:11,621 [Mandy giggles] 48 00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:12,700 [sad piano] 49 00:03:20,420 --> 00:03:21,820 [laughing] 50 00:03:27,621 --> 00:03:28,941 What? 51 00:03:29,021 --> 00:03:30,980 Look, if you two are a couple of dolly divers, 52 00:03:31,061 --> 00:03:33,301 -Don't you think it's time you came out? -We're not gay. 53 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:34,941 Yeah? Prove it. 54 00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:39,100 -Thought not. -Can give you a list of names 55 00:03:39,181 --> 00:03:40,540 -if you want. -No, no need. 56 00:03:41,820 --> 00:03:44,621 It's all written on the bog walls of The Jockey toilets. 57 00:03:46,341 --> 00:03:49,140 [Debbie] You did check that's not Stella's eating money? 58 00:03:49,221 --> 00:03:50,540 Oh, fuck. 59 00:03:54,221 --> 00:03:56,061 [Frank] You're all right, Liam's school. 60 00:03:58,061 --> 00:04:00,221 -They want see you and Mum. -How? 61 00:04:01,221 --> 00:04:02,540 Monica Gallagher? 62 00:04:03,221 --> 00:04:04,901 Hologram to the stars? 63 00:04:05,540 --> 00:04:07,901 -Liam! -Your sister's gay. 64 00:04:09,021 --> 00:04:10,741 And her butch mate, Max. 65 00:04:16,901 --> 00:04:19,060 Heard you rattling about downstairs all night. 66 00:04:19,141 --> 00:04:21,141 -Couldn't sleep again? -No. 67 00:04:21,221 --> 00:04:22,941 Maybe you should take her out for a coffee or something? 68 00:04:23,021 --> 00:04:25,461 I don't tell you how to run your marriage, do I? 69 00:04:26,740 --> 00:04:28,381 Despite the obvious problems. 70 00:04:30,461 --> 00:04:31,901 [Mimi sighs heavily] 71 00:04:53,341 --> 00:04:54,341 Paddy? 72 00:04:59,821 --> 00:05:02,940 -Paddy I've got your tea. -Yeah, well, I've just... 73 00:05:04,341 --> 00:05:05,821 Och... Wait a minute. 74 00:05:06,821 --> 00:05:09,541 [handle rattles] 75 00:05:11,541 --> 00:05:14,141 Thanks. Thought you were going out. 76 00:05:14,221 --> 00:05:15,221 I changed my mind. 77 00:05:16,861 --> 00:05:19,101 Open the door. Open the fucking door. 78 00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:22,821 [tense music] 79 00:05:28,821 --> 00:05:31,221 How am I going to help you if you keep lying? 80 00:05:31,301 --> 00:05:34,101 -I'm dealing with it. -Jacking up in secret? 81 00:05:35,421 --> 00:05:36,940 Argh! 82 00:05:39,021 --> 00:05:41,141 Punch as many walls as you like. 83 00:05:41,221 --> 00:05:43,940 If you think for one minute I'm going to leave you alone 84 00:05:44,021 --> 00:05:48,341 to fucking kill yourself, then you've got another thing coming. 85 00:05:50,341 --> 00:05:53,380 From now on, wherever you go, I go. 86 00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:57,821 And if you want to shoot this shit into your system, 87 00:05:59,740 --> 00:06:03,221 then at least, I'll be here to pick up the pieces. 88 00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:08,541 [door slams] 89 00:06:10,341 --> 00:06:14,461 They wouldn't call your parents in on a Saturday for touching a girl's breast. 90 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:15,541 Try again. 91 00:06:16,341 --> 00:06:19,781 Imelda Ford got her arm stuck down the drain trying to get a CD she dropped. 92 00:06:19,861 --> 00:06:22,380 [hips] Everyone took a little pee on her. Could be that. 93 00:06:22,461 --> 00:06:24,940 -Pissed on a girl? -No, I faked it. 94 00:06:25,021 --> 00:06:26,541 Story of my life. 95 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:29,101 -When was this? -About three months ago. 96 00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:30,620 It's not that, is it? 97 00:06:30,701 --> 00:06:33,781 It's not fair. That's everything I've ever done since I was, like, five. 98 00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:35,901 -Right, you, get up, stand in the door. -What? 99 00:06:35,981 --> 00:06:38,380 Stand in the door and turn around. 100 00:06:41,221 --> 00:06:45,461 Right, anybody here heard that Liam's smoking at lunchtime... 101 00:06:45,541 --> 00:06:46,380 raise their hands. 102 00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:50,141 Ooh, very illuminating. 103 00:06:52,541 --> 00:06:54,461 -Anything to tell us, Liam? -All right. 104 00:06:54,541 --> 00:06:56,940 But it was just those two times I smoked, 105 00:06:57,021 --> 00:06:59,820 and I only did it then cos I would have got a kicking if I didn't. 106 00:07:00,661 --> 00:07:01,901 Oh, that's very helpful. 107 00:07:01,981 --> 00:07:05,901 And this isn't toast, it's bread with a mild fucking suntan. 108 00:07:06,541 --> 00:07:08,180 And what is that smell? 109 00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:11,701 -What? -[Max] It does pong. 110 00:07:11,781 --> 00:07:12,901 Like a haddock's codpiece. 111 00:07:12,981 --> 00:07:15,861 -What do you expect? I'm a fishmonger. -Fishmonger's apprentice. 112 00:07:15,940 --> 00:07:17,221 I'm earning a living. 113 00:07:19,820 --> 00:07:24,101 -Oh, gosh, Carl! -Fuck off, you're a vegetarian. 114 00:07:26,541 --> 00:07:28,301 Norma... What are you doing later? 115 00:07:29,221 --> 00:07:31,141 Well I thought I'd... [sniffs] 116 00:07:31,221 --> 00:07:33,141 ...end starvation in Africa. 117 00:07:33,221 --> 00:07:37,421 You know, broker a peace deal between Israel and Palestine. A light lun. 118 00:07:39,421 --> 00:07:41,221 Whatever it is, no. 119 00:07:43,541 --> 00:07:44,740 Good luck. 120 00:07:46,301 --> 00:07:47,981 What? 121 00:07:48,060 --> 00:07:51,260 Dave. My top's in the wash, mate, have you got a spare one? 122 00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:53,781 Fuck's sake. 123 00:08:07,380 --> 00:08:08,620 What are you doing? 124 00:08:10,541 --> 00:08:11,541 Fresh air. 125 00:08:26,341 --> 00:08:28,101 Oi! I don't think so, young lady. 126 00:08:30,101 --> 00:08:33,340 -Do you think I wouldn't notice? -I wouldn't have to if you paid us. 127 00:08:33,421 --> 00:08:36,421 -You get paid. -You're talking pocket money. I'm 17. 128 00:08:36,501 --> 00:08:37,621 Going on 13. 129 00:08:38,340 --> 00:08:40,861 -[Meena sighs] -Keep your hands out of the fucking till. 130 00:08:42,820 --> 00:08:43,661 Bit harsh. 131 00:08:44,821 --> 00:08:47,301 You're the last person I'd come to for advice on mothering. 132 00:08:48,181 --> 00:08:50,340 And take them off, you look like Ozzy fucking Osbourne. 133 00:08:58,021 --> 00:08:59,861 She doesn't mean anything by it. 134 00:09:00,621 --> 00:09:02,181 She enjoys it. 135 00:09:02,261 --> 00:09:04,460 The only reason she had us was to push us around. 136 00:09:04,541 --> 00:09:07,340 That's not true. It's not easy being a mum. 137 00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:12,061 Come to ours for a brew. Your oestrogen's pumping. 138 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:17,381 -Don't you mean adrenalin? -No, love, that's for headaches. 139 00:09:25,741 --> 00:09:29,061 -Can I give you a hand? -No. 140 00:09:29,141 --> 00:09:31,741 Have you got any change for the bandit, then? 141 00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:36,381 -We're not open yet. -Go on, it'll keep me out your hair. 142 00:09:41,941 --> 00:09:43,261 What do you think? 143 00:09:49,061 --> 00:09:50,621 [coins tinkling] 144 00:09:58,621 --> 00:10:02,340 -Get all that stuff down to the cellar. -My shift doesn't start for five minutes. 145 00:10:02,421 --> 00:10:03,980 -All right, mate? -Yes. 146 00:10:18,421 --> 00:10:21,141 -Pass me one of them, please. -Get it your fucking self. 147 00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:23,941 Excuse me. I am half crippled here. 148 00:10:24,021 --> 00:10:26,781 You're always going to be if you sit on your arse and get served. 149 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:29,621 Bye, Rog, love. Regards to the missus. 150 00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:40,980 -Yes, love? Can I help you? -Can I come in, please, lady? 151 00:10:42,421 --> 00:10:43,541 Rodney! 152 00:10:44,821 --> 00:10:45,860 Hiya, Mam. 153 00:10:50,220 --> 00:10:52,220 Jamie, lager's off. 154 00:10:53,421 --> 00:10:54,860 -I'm on me break. -It's lunchtime. 155 00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:57,421 And I get a statutory 30 minutes. 156 00:11:03,941 --> 00:11:06,100 -Not anymore, you don't. -What? 157 00:11:06,181 --> 00:11:08,740 You're sacked. Go and find somewhere else to work. 158 00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:13,261 -Says who? -Karen Maguire, licensee. 159 00:11:14,220 --> 00:11:17,141 -How long have you been planning this? -I could ask you the same question. 160 00:11:17,220 --> 00:11:20,541 You may be the licensee, but if memory serves, 161 00:11:20,621 --> 00:11:23,941 it's less than 12 months since our names went on the mortgage for this shitehole. 162 00:11:24,021 --> 00:11:26,220 -So? -So you're going to have to buy me out. 163 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:28,220 Bollocks. 164 00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:30,340 Where am I going to find 40 grand? 165 00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:32,781 Not my problem. 166 00:11:33,621 --> 00:11:36,421 But if you don't find a buyer, I will. 167 00:11:45,941 --> 00:11:48,100 Last warning, Worzel. 168 00:11:48,181 --> 00:11:50,220 Wind in your pop eyes, or I'm off. 169 00:11:52,220 --> 00:11:56,220 It's just distracting, seeing you in Monica's gear. 170 00:11:56,301 --> 00:11:59,541 Well, I don't have owt mumsy in my wardrobe. 171 00:11:59,621 --> 00:12:01,381 I'd hardly call that mumsy. 172 00:12:02,901 --> 00:12:04,261 Eyes front! 173 00:12:06,021 --> 00:12:10,061 What if they ask us about... dates of birth, middle names? 174 00:12:10,141 --> 00:12:12,181 Make it up. I do, no one ever notices. 175 00:12:12,261 --> 00:12:15,141 -What's his teacher's name? -Who the fuck am I, Magnus Magnusson? 176 00:12:15,220 --> 00:12:16,860 [door opens] 177 00:12:16,941 --> 00:12:18,501 Mr and Mrs Gallagher? 178 00:12:22,301 --> 00:12:23,941 Do you want to come through? 179 00:12:24,021 --> 00:12:25,261 [upbeat piano music] 180 00:12:27,541 --> 00:12:29,301 [Lillian] Have a good long soak, son. 181 00:12:40,421 --> 00:12:43,340 -So, what's the story in Balamory? -He seems different. 182 00:12:43,421 --> 00:12:45,340 No, I mean the very fact that you've got a son 183 00:12:45,421 --> 00:12:48,220 has just come in on the wires for most of us. 184 00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:51,860 He never saw eye-to-eye with Brendan. When he was 16 he were out the door, 185 00:12:51,941 --> 00:12:53,941 off to London, streets paved with gold and all that. 186 00:12:54,021 --> 00:12:56,141 -Teenage runaway? -No, he didn't run away. 187 00:12:56,220 --> 00:12:58,220 I tossed him out by the scruff of the neck. 188 00:12:58,301 --> 00:13:01,340 -There were a lot of violence, you see. -Tough on him, was he, Brendan? 189 00:13:01,421 --> 00:13:05,220 No, I used to batter lumps out of the pair of them. Always bickering. 190 00:13:05,301 --> 00:13:06,701 Keep up, will you? 191 00:13:10,980 --> 00:13:14,620 I suppose I could have had more patience and been more understanding. 192 00:13:14,701 --> 00:13:18,941 -Teenagers are hard work, Lillian. -This could be my second chance. 193 00:13:21,541 --> 00:13:24,740 Oi, gropey. Mitts off. 194 00:13:24,821 --> 00:13:27,501 -I was only trying to help. -Don't fucking bother. 195 00:13:27,581 --> 00:13:29,061 Job's already taken. 196 00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,941 -I... I asked her. -What? 197 00:13:32,021 --> 00:13:34,261 She... She doesn't take any shit... 198 00:13:35,661 --> 00:13:38,261 and you indulge me. 199 00:13:38,340 --> 00:13:41,261 [scoffs] I indulge you? 200 00:13:41,340 --> 00:13:43,701 Just for a couple of hours a day. 201 00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:47,261 It'll take the pressure off. I'll pay her myself. 202 00:13:47,340 --> 00:13:49,541 Your private 17-year-old masseuse? 203 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,301 [scoffs] 204 00:13:51,381 --> 00:13:53,181 I've got my eye on you. 205 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:02,821 If I lose The Jockey, I lose everything. 206 00:14:04,021 --> 00:14:07,301 My home, my job. Future. 207 00:14:07,381 --> 00:14:10,421 Have you tried the bank? Your mum? 208 00:14:11,541 --> 00:14:14,460 "Hiya, not spoken to you for nigh on two years." 209 00:14:14,541 --> 00:14:16,181 "Lend us 40 grand, would you?" 210 00:14:21,141 --> 00:14:22,740 He's such a prick. 211 00:14:23,620 --> 00:14:25,661 Yeah, but he's your prick. 212 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:28,500 You don't have to go through with it just to save face. 213 00:14:28,581 --> 00:14:30,421 Marriage is more important than that. 214 00:14:33,421 --> 00:14:35,740 That's exactly why I do have to go through with it. 215 00:14:36,620 --> 00:14:40,220 If he's prepared to just walk, am I supposed to fight to keep him? 216 00:14:43,740 --> 00:14:45,141 [mysterious music] 217 00:14:48,141 --> 00:14:52,381 Carl, I will give you money not to come in here when you smell like that. 218 00:14:52,460 --> 00:14:53,740 It's my job! 219 00:14:56,821 --> 00:14:58,021 You cannot give in. 220 00:14:58,740 --> 00:14:59,740 It's my marriage. 221 00:15:00,821 --> 00:15:03,821 If you back down now, you'll be pussy-whipped forever. 222 00:15:04,541 --> 00:15:07,421 She'll be wearing the trousers, and you'll be "her indoors". 223 00:15:08,620 --> 00:15:11,781 I just don't want wounded pride to paint us into a corner, that's all. 224 00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:13,941 Listen, let me tell you something about women. 225 00:15:14,021 --> 00:15:17,261 They only challenge you is so that you'll put them in their place. 226 00:15:17,340 --> 00:15:21,460 It's primal. They want you to master them. That's why you've got the balls. 227 00:15:21,541 --> 00:15:24,661 How come she holds this licensee thing like a sword over my head? 228 00:15:26,541 --> 00:15:28,301 Just telling you the way it is, mate. 229 00:15:28,941 --> 00:15:33,340 We recently ran tests to identify pupils with natural leadership qualities. 230 00:15:33,421 --> 00:15:36,340 And Liam's score was off the scale. 231 00:15:36,421 --> 00:15:39,141 Maths, IT, English. 232 00:15:39,220 --> 00:15:42,141 He's at least two years ahead of his peers. 233 00:15:42,220 --> 00:15:44,541 With your permission, we'd like to suggest Liam 234 00:15:44,620 --> 00:15:48,421 for the Kofi Annan multifaith accelerated learning scheme. 235 00:15:49,141 --> 00:15:50,421 -Right. -Right. 236 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:53,021 Based in Caracas, it is an educational charity... 237 00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,620 [alluring voice] running intensive academic workshops 238 00:15:56,701 --> 00:15:58,220 for kids from all over Europe. 239 00:15:58,301 --> 00:15:59,701 [teacher giggles] 240 00:15:59,781 --> 00:16:00,901 Interviews start tomorrow, 241 00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:05,100 with a three-month residential end of the year. Oh! 242 00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:06,181 [giggling] 243 00:16:09,220 --> 00:16:12,620 Children who complete this programme often go on to top universities, 244 00:16:12,701 --> 00:16:14,941 well-paid jobs. I've got a brochure. 245 00:16:18,860 --> 00:16:22,701 Timetable of classes, past student record. 246 00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:25,661 I can arrange an interview, if you like. 247 00:16:29,301 --> 00:16:30,340 Any questions? 248 00:16:31,021 --> 00:16:33,620 Um... how much does it cost? 249 00:16:34,421 --> 00:16:37,021 Given Mr Gallagher's health issues... 250 00:16:38,541 --> 00:16:42,421 -Gulf War Syndrome, isn't it? -Yes. Bonfire night, I'm in bits. 251 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:45,541 Well, you'd be eligible for a 100% bursary. 252 00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:48,141 Travel, hotels, expenses. 253 00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:52,860 If you don't mind me saying, you don't seem particularly enthused. 254 00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:57,941 [Both] No, no, we're just... 255 00:16:58,021 --> 00:17:00,261 Overwhelmed. Aren't we, love? 256 00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:05,100 Bye, then. Good luck. 257 00:17:07,021 --> 00:17:08,741 I said no touching. 258 00:17:10,940 --> 00:17:12,461 ♪ La Cucaracha ♪ 259 00:17:12,541 --> 00:17:14,021 ♪ La Cucaracha ♪ 260 00:17:14,981 --> 00:17:16,940 [plays arpeggio] 261 00:17:17,021 --> 00:17:20,261 -That's not Venezuelan, it's Mexican. -So? It's all Spanish. 262 00:17:21,301 --> 00:17:22,620 Ow! 263 00:17:22,701 --> 00:17:23,940 It could be broke, you know. 264 00:17:24,021 --> 00:17:28,420 Good. I've scrubbed myself raw, and I can still feel your clammy hand on us. 265 00:17:29,940 --> 00:17:31,701 Anyway, we can't afford it. 266 00:17:31,781 --> 00:17:34,420 -I thought it were paid for. -I'm talking about clothes, 267 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:37,341 suitcases, phone cards for when he's away. 268 00:17:37,420 --> 00:17:40,061 It won't be that much, Debs. I could chip in. 269 00:17:40,141 --> 00:17:41,940 No! He can't just get cos he wants. 270 00:17:42,621 --> 00:17:45,861 Easy there, less-than-supernanny. This is a chance for the kid. 271 00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:48,420 To do what? Show off? 272 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:49,861 Make himself a target? 273 00:17:50,781 --> 00:17:52,301 What if they don't look after him? 274 00:17:52,381 --> 00:17:56,180 -I thought it would be good fun. -Yeah, Debs, he's up for it. 275 00:17:56,261 --> 00:17:59,940 Education is a right, not a privilege. 276 00:18:00,541 --> 00:18:03,900 My sainted mother fought all her days for that. 277 00:18:03,981 --> 00:18:09,741 [articulating] Hey, we are exercising our right 278 00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:12,381 to give the kid a good start. 279 00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:16,341 He still has to get through the interview. 280 00:18:20,021 --> 00:18:21,221 [Carl] Debs! 281 00:18:22,221 --> 00:18:23,221 [knocking] 282 00:18:23,940 --> 00:18:24,900 Come in. 283 00:18:32,541 --> 00:18:34,341 Do you want to tell me what's this about? 284 00:18:35,021 --> 00:18:36,861 -What? -With Liam. 285 00:18:36,940 --> 00:18:40,021 "We can't afford it. Will he be safe? Will he be spoilt?" 286 00:18:40,821 --> 00:18:42,021 That is not like you. 287 00:18:44,420 --> 00:18:45,861 Well, maybe it should be. 288 00:18:45,940 --> 00:18:48,061 We never got chances. We were bright. 289 00:18:48,141 --> 00:18:49,621 -I wasn't. -I was. 290 00:18:51,621 --> 00:18:54,940 Year 5, week's trip to Lisbon to look at tiles, 291 00:18:55,021 --> 00:18:56,821 or Cork, or something, I can't remember. 292 00:18:57,541 --> 00:18:58,660 I could have gone free, 293 00:18:58,741 --> 00:19:01,940 but Mum and Dad lost the form. By the time they admitted it, it was late. 294 00:19:02,021 --> 00:19:04,821 -So Liam shouldn't get to go on this? -Year 9. 295 00:19:05,621 --> 00:19:07,141 Two weeks in Russia for history. 296 00:19:07,821 --> 00:19:11,660 -Oh, no parents available for signature. -Year 9? You could have forged it. 297 00:19:11,741 --> 00:19:13,341 That's not the point! 298 00:19:14,180 --> 00:19:17,221 You know what? Fair enough. You're right. 299 00:19:18,141 --> 00:19:21,301 Why should he get to go to Venezuela? Selfish bastard. 300 00:19:23,301 --> 00:19:24,541 [tense music] 301 00:19:26,660 --> 00:19:27,700 What'll you do now? 302 00:19:29,180 --> 00:19:31,781 I've had enough of London. I'll stay up here for a bit, 303 00:19:31,861 --> 00:19:32,940 I reckon. 304 00:19:33,541 --> 00:19:36,660 Sleep rough at first, but get on my feet in a year or two. 305 00:19:36,741 --> 00:19:39,261 -Stay here for a bit. -I wouldn't want to impose. 306 00:19:39,341 --> 00:19:41,541 You wouldn't be. I owe you that at least. 307 00:19:43,420 --> 00:19:46,461 -Yeah, I suppose you do. -Might find a girlfriend, settle down. 308 00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:51,741 -Are you already set up? -What was it you used to say? 309 00:19:52,741 --> 00:19:54,621 Ever want a girlfriend, go to the blind school. 310 00:19:54,700 --> 00:19:56,461 [Kelly snorts] 311 00:19:56,541 --> 00:19:59,221 Why tell him he's Brad Pitt with a mirror in the house? 312 00:20:01,940 --> 00:20:03,861 So you've never had a girlfriend? 313 00:20:05,420 --> 00:20:06,940 32 and still got me cherry. 314 00:20:07,021 --> 00:20:07,900 Uh... 315 00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:12,381 Kelly, love. 316 00:20:15,741 --> 00:20:16,940 [funny music] 317 00:20:17,861 --> 00:20:21,021 Don't worry if it's over quick. Everyone's the same first time. 318 00:20:24,221 --> 00:20:25,621 Oh! 319 00:20:30,141 --> 00:20:31,420 [soft moan] 320 00:20:36,541 --> 00:20:38,341 [squealing] 321 00:20:44,621 --> 00:20:47,461 -Not a fan of London, then? -[high-pitched voice] Not as such! 322 00:20:48,541 --> 00:20:49,700 [intense squealing] 323 00:20:51,061 --> 00:20:53,061 What did you do to earn a crust? 324 00:20:53,141 --> 00:20:55,940 Worked at the palace as a footman. 325 00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:57,781 Then I were a bouncer at Stringfellow's. 326 00:21:03,541 --> 00:21:05,981 This ain't doing it for me. 327 00:21:06,061 --> 00:21:07,021 Mind if we do doggy? 328 00:21:07,940 --> 00:21:09,621 ♪ Would I lie to you? ♪ 329 00:21:10,420 --> 00:21:14,141 ♪ Don't you know it's true, girl There's no-one else but you ♪ 330 00:21:14,221 --> 00:21:17,301 ♪ Would I lie to you baby, yeah? ♪ 331 00:21:17,381 --> 00:21:19,461 I found it in a skip. Fish. 332 00:21:19,541 --> 00:21:20,621 Fishmonger. 333 00:21:22,141 --> 00:21:23,301 [Carl] Cool. Nice one. 334 00:21:24,141 --> 00:21:25,141 Have a drink? 335 00:21:31,940 --> 00:21:33,221 -Drink, dovelet? -Yeah. 336 00:21:34,021 --> 00:21:37,180 Karen? Pint of lemonade, large voddy, one for the wife. 337 00:21:38,341 --> 00:21:39,541 [Karen] No fella? 338 00:21:39,621 --> 00:21:40,741 Work. 339 00:21:41,420 --> 00:21:43,581 -Feathering his nest? -Eh? 340 00:21:44,420 --> 00:21:46,341 [Mimi] Doing overtime. Getting ready for kiddies. 341 00:21:46,420 --> 00:21:47,741 [Mandy] Bit soon for this chat. 342 00:21:47,821 --> 00:21:50,940 Nobody knows what's in the future, Mandy. 343 00:21:51,021 --> 00:21:52,541 Take your happiness while you can. 344 00:22:00,541 --> 00:22:03,021 Front of the queue when they dished out dobbers, eh? 345 00:22:04,021 --> 00:22:06,460 I didn't think blokes could get a stiffy while peeing. 346 00:22:06,541 --> 00:22:08,660 They probably didn't have a pretty girl holding them 347 00:22:08,741 --> 00:22:09,940 when they did that experiment. 348 00:22:10,541 --> 00:22:12,621 I'm sure my son can manage that on his own. 349 00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:15,021 He'd be doing it if he could. 350 00:22:15,621 --> 00:22:18,341 Could shake it off a little bit next time, please? 351 00:22:19,741 --> 00:22:20,741 Mum. 352 00:22:28,861 --> 00:22:32,141 -I'm just taking a piss, for fuck's sake. -And I'm keeping you company. 353 00:22:37,301 --> 00:22:39,541 Karen, do us a favour. 354 00:22:39,621 --> 00:22:41,940 Have Katie with you tonight. Joe's coming over. 355 00:22:42,541 --> 00:22:43,541 Course. 356 00:22:48,541 --> 00:22:49,541 Cheers. 357 00:23:04,180 --> 00:23:05,301 Hello? 358 00:23:13,221 --> 00:23:14,261 Get done for that. 359 00:23:16,541 --> 00:23:19,381 Polite society, we usually wait until they're conscious. 360 00:23:19,460 --> 00:23:21,221 -I wasn't doing owt. -Whatever. 361 00:23:22,141 --> 00:23:24,501 -Look, wait... -Don't bother me if you're a flamer. 362 00:23:24,581 --> 00:23:25,821 I'm not. 363 00:23:32,341 --> 00:23:36,341 I've got a lump. On me balls. 364 00:23:36,420 --> 00:23:38,460 I was just checking to see that Carl's was the same. 365 00:23:38,541 --> 00:23:41,101 And you didn't think to wait till he's awake and ask him? 366 00:23:41,180 --> 00:23:44,021 It's not the sort of thing lads talk about, is it? 367 00:23:44,101 --> 00:23:47,821 -Plus, I'm barred from me GP's. -What's it like, this lump? 368 00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:49,381 A pea. 369 00:23:49,460 --> 00:23:51,141 No, gristle. 370 00:23:51,221 --> 00:23:53,660 Like a ball of dead hard snot. 371 00:23:53,741 --> 00:23:56,341 -Where? -Sort of like... 372 00:23:57,621 --> 00:23:59,900 -You can have a feel if you want. -I'll pass, ta. 373 00:24:05,940 --> 00:24:07,781 It's probably nothing. 374 00:24:07,861 --> 00:24:11,021 But tomorrow, straight down to the medical centre, get it checked. 375 00:24:16,420 --> 00:24:18,141 [piano music] 376 00:24:26,621 --> 00:24:27,541 [door opens] 377 00:24:32,021 --> 00:24:33,341 [wood cracking] 378 00:24:44,621 --> 00:24:46,741 [police sirens in the distance] 379 00:24:52,221 --> 00:24:54,061 [door creaking] 380 00:24:56,341 --> 00:24:58,301 -Fuck's sake. -Ssh. 381 00:24:58,381 --> 00:24:59,981 -Where's Mandy? -She's asleep. 382 00:25:00,061 --> 00:25:01,301 What you doing? 383 00:25:04,861 --> 00:25:07,141 -No way. Get out. -Come on. 384 00:25:09,021 --> 00:25:11,021 You want it just as much as I do. 385 00:25:12,940 --> 00:25:17,061 She's my best mate. I can't. 386 00:25:17,141 --> 00:25:18,501 You can. 387 00:25:21,621 --> 00:25:23,021 [dog barking in the distance] 388 00:25:27,700 --> 00:25:29,141 [suspenseful music] 389 00:25:36,420 --> 00:25:37,741 [both pant passionately] 390 00:25:50,021 --> 00:25:51,940 [calm music] 391 00:26:05,861 --> 00:26:06,861 Karen? 392 00:26:08,381 --> 00:26:09,460 [door closes] 393 00:26:09,541 --> 00:26:10,861 Karen? 394 00:26:10,940 --> 00:26:12,021 [retching] 395 00:26:21,021 --> 00:26:22,061 Cheers, Mum. 396 00:26:22,741 --> 00:26:23,781 Fuck the tea. 397 00:26:24,821 --> 00:26:28,700 I carried you in my belly for nine months and wiped your arse for years after. 398 00:26:28,781 --> 00:26:31,141 I have a right to insist on being heard. 399 00:26:33,341 --> 00:26:36,061 If you love her, if you love her, 400 00:26:36,141 --> 00:26:39,541 don't be steamrollered to the point of no return by your mates, 401 00:26:39,621 --> 00:26:43,341 or by that stupid stubborn streak you've had in you since you were knee high. 402 00:26:43,420 --> 00:26:46,220 If there's something in your marriage worth fighting for... 403 00:26:47,101 --> 00:26:48,021 then do it. 404 00:26:49,341 --> 00:26:51,781 And you were right with your smart-arse comments 405 00:26:51,861 --> 00:26:53,220 about problems in my marriage. 406 00:26:54,021 --> 00:26:55,940 That's why you see me padding up and down here 407 00:26:56,021 --> 00:26:58,021 like a fucking tea lady-cum-night nurse. 408 00:26:59,621 --> 00:27:01,581 Because there's something worth fighting for. 409 00:27:06,220 --> 00:27:08,220 Stop moping around like a big fanny. 410 00:27:08,301 --> 00:27:11,581 Sort your head out. Make a decision. 411 00:27:13,141 --> 00:27:14,220 That's all. 412 00:27:24,940 --> 00:27:29,220 [Frank] Right. OK. This is as far as I go, son. 413 00:27:30,220 --> 00:27:32,460 Parents got to make themselves scarce, you know. 414 00:27:32,541 --> 00:27:35,501 See how you cope under the scrutinising eye of the examiner. 415 00:27:35,581 --> 00:27:37,781 It's not an exam. It's an interview. 416 00:27:39,021 --> 00:27:40,541 Yeah, I know. I'm just... 417 00:27:46,021 --> 00:27:47,101 Why the long face? 418 00:27:47,180 --> 00:27:48,541 Said the jockey. 419 00:27:49,940 --> 00:27:52,261 Look, son. You've got a chance to do something interesting. 420 00:27:52,341 --> 00:27:54,460 If you get it, great. If not, fuck it. 421 00:27:54,541 --> 00:27:55,861 [Man] Excuse me. 422 00:27:55,940 --> 00:27:57,061 What? 423 00:27:57,660 --> 00:27:59,301 Yes, that was the F word. 424 00:27:59,381 --> 00:28:02,420 Used as an active verb in an idiomatic context. 425 00:28:05,940 --> 00:28:08,940 God! I loved this place. 426 00:28:09,021 --> 00:28:10,220 Taught me a lot. 427 00:28:11,940 --> 00:28:14,541 -You went to uni? -Well, not exactly. 428 00:28:14,621 --> 00:28:17,220 I was about your age, a bit older maybe. 429 00:28:20,021 --> 00:28:21,741 Began me education here. 430 00:28:21,821 --> 00:28:23,501 Broadened me horizons. 431 00:28:25,541 --> 00:28:27,261 Yeah, I learned the value of books. 432 00:28:28,621 --> 00:28:31,341 -Spent a lot of time in the library. -What about Debbie? 433 00:28:31,420 --> 00:28:33,980 Look, she'll support you, son. 434 00:28:34,940 --> 00:28:38,420 She's just going through a cranky... 435 00:28:39,541 --> 00:28:40,541 decade. 436 00:28:43,220 --> 00:28:46,021 I'll be around, yeah? 437 00:29:12,021 --> 00:29:13,061 Fuck me! 438 00:29:19,220 --> 00:29:21,141 [Sarah] I'll be in the lecture hall. 439 00:29:21,220 --> 00:29:23,341 -Sure you'll be all right, son? -Yeah. 440 00:29:23,420 --> 00:29:26,061 Becoming quite the reader, aren't you? 441 00:29:26,141 --> 00:29:27,141 [giggles] 442 00:29:36,741 --> 00:29:38,621 [interviewer] So, Liam. 443 00:29:39,700 --> 00:29:42,061 Why do you think you should get this chance? 444 00:29:42,141 --> 00:29:43,220 Dunno. 445 00:29:45,621 --> 00:29:48,821 You've been recommended by your school. Must be clever? 446 00:29:49,420 --> 00:29:50,501 Suppose. 447 00:29:53,621 --> 00:29:55,940 Why is education important in society, Liam? 448 00:30:00,821 --> 00:30:04,180 How could I collect? His dog kept trying to shag me leg. 449 00:30:04,261 --> 00:30:05,940 Had its lipstick out and everything. It was massive. 450 00:30:06,021 --> 00:30:08,381 The dog, or his lipstick? 451 00:30:10,141 --> 00:30:11,980 -The dog. -Not good enough, Micky. 452 00:30:12,061 --> 00:30:14,301 Men not fit to wipe my arse laughing at us. 453 00:30:14,381 --> 00:30:17,741 It's time to let them know [shouts] I'm back... in town. 454 00:30:18,821 --> 00:30:21,660 So, love of my life, how do I look? 455 00:30:21,741 --> 00:30:24,341 -Like on our wedding day. -I won't let you down. 456 00:30:29,821 --> 00:30:31,541 Thought I'd come for the ride. 457 00:30:34,420 --> 00:30:35,460 Grand. 458 00:30:44,940 --> 00:30:45,940 [sensual music] 459 00:30:46,581 --> 00:30:47,660 [unzips trousers] 460 00:30:47,741 --> 00:30:48,940 Relax. 461 00:30:54,621 --> 00:30:55,460 Look. 462 00:30:56,420 --> 00:30:58,301 -Your leg, it's moving! -[Shane moans] 463 00:30:59,381 --> 00:31:00,541 How good am I? 464 00:31:01,341 --> 00:31:02,341 [faster thumps] 465 00:31:04,420 --> 00:31:06,061 Did you have contact when he were in London? 466 00:31:06,141 --> 00:31:07,261 First couple of years. 467 00:31:07,341 --> 00:31:10,141 I was so proud of him working in the Prime Minister's office at 18. 468 00:31:10,821 --> 00:31:13,621 -Thought it were the palace? -Palace? Don't be soft. 469 00:31:20,141 --> 00:31:22,861 -What's going on? -It's, um... massage oil. 470 00:31:23,861 --> 00:31:25,741 I... can move my leg. 471 00:31:26,420 --> 00:31:30,141 No, enough. Twice is plenty for one morning. 472 00:31:30,220 --> 00:31:33,940 -What? I'm the boss's son. -Not slow out of the blocks, is he? 473 00:31:34,581 --> 00:31:36,420 For someone who's just broke his duck. 474 00:31:42,021 --> 00:31:43,101 [harmonica music] 475 00:31:43,180 --> 00:31:44,301 [man groans in pain] 476 00:31:44,940 --> 00:31:45,940 Come on. 477 00:31:49,940 --> 00:31:51,141 Thank you. 478 00:31:51,220 --> 00:31:52,940 And the small sweetener we discussed. 479 00:31:55,261 --> 00:31:56,781 [Paddy groans] 480 00:31:57,420 --> 00:31:58,301 [Paddy coughs] 481 00:32:06,141 --> 00:32:08,740 Ever disrespect this family, 482 00:32:08,821 --> 00:32:10,660 and I'll hunt you down 483 00:32:11,381 --> 00:32:14,341 and chop off your cock with a rusty blade. 484 00:32:14,420 --> 00:32:15,821 Do you fucking hear me? 485 00:32:16,420 --> 00:32:18,940 -[groans] -Now fuck off! 486 00:32:25,940 --> 00:32:27,220 [harmonica music] 487 00:32:29,541 --> 00:32:33,621 Yes. I think we've seen enough, Liam. Thank you. 488 00:32:37,621 --> 00:32:39,341 -What in the name? -Sorry, sir. 489 00:32:39,420 --> 00:32:43,021 This man's was stealing from the library. Says his son's being interviewed here. 490 00:32:44,381 --> 00:32:46,061 It's all a mistake, kid. 491 00:32:46,141 --> 00:32:47,781 -What did he steal? -A book. 492 00:32:47,861 --> 00:32:49,861 I didn't steal it. I liberated it. 493 00:32:49,940 --> 00:32:52,021 Knowledge shouldn't be kept under lock and key. 494 00:32:52,101 --> 00:32:53,021 Give it back, Dad. 495 00:32:54,381 --> 00:32:55,821 Where is the book? 496 00:33:01,781 --> 00:33:03,261 The Joy Of Sex? 497 00:33:03,341 --> 00:33:05,420 It's a standard text. 498 00:33:06,341 --> 00:33:09,781 An intelligent sex manual that is serious without being solemn. 499 00:33:09,861 --> 00:33:12,980 If you won't put him on the programme because of this, it's your loss. 500 00:33:13,621 --> 00:33:15,501 How much difference will make for some kid 501 00:33:15,581 --> 00:33:18,420 who gets dropped off at a grammar school in a 4x4 every morning? 502 00:33:18,501 --> 00:33:20,940 An experience like this could change Liam's life. 503 00:33:21,021 --> 00:33:23,141 He hasn't exactly set the heather on fire. 504 00:33:24,541 --> 00:33:27,420 Education, from the Latin "educare", 505 00:33:27,501 --> 00:33:33,301 is important in society because more than money, more than status or wealth, 506 00:33:33,381 --> 00:33:36,940 it frees a person from the physical circumstances of their life 507 00:33:37,021 --> 00:33:38,940 and lets them come to their own opinion. 508 00:33:39,541 --> 00:33:42,541 And you can stop looking down your noses at us, 509 00:33:42,621 --> 00:33:46,141 because education isn't a gift for you to give or hold back. 510 00:33:46,220 --> 00:33:49,821 And if I don't get it here, I'll... get it somewhere else! 511 00:33:54,501 --> 00:33:57,101 You were doing so good up until that last bit. 512 00:34:03,581 --> 00:34:04,821 Can we talk? 513 00:34:05,740 --> 00:34:07,261 Please? 514 00:34:07,341 --> 00:34:08,901 -About what? -Everything. 515 00:34:10,740 --> 00:34:11,700 Before it's too late. 516 00:34:13,820 --> 00:34:16,381 I hope you don't mind, but we brought our own. 517 00:34:16,461 --> 00:34:19,340 -Celebrating? -Hmm. A toast. 518 00:34:19,421 --> 00:34:20,621 To? 519 00:34:22,660 --> 00:34:24,860 Me. Your new partner. 520 00:34:24,941 --> 00:34:27,101 -No fucking way. -He offered. 521 00:34:28,621 --> 00:34:30,621 He's my boyfriend. What was I gonna do, not tell him? 522 00:34:31,541 --> 00:34:33,340 -You're buying me out? -I was gonna ring, 523 00:34:33,421 --> 00:34:35,501 but Mandy thought it better face-to-face. 524 00:34:35,581 --> 00:34:37,021 You wanted out. He's got cash. 525 00:34:37,101 --> 00:34:39,700 -What the fuck do you get out of it? -It's a little estate. 526 00:34:39,780 --> 00:34:42,180 Pubs can earn a mint as long as they're run right. 527 00:34:42,260 --> 00:34:45,141 -We don't want it. -I'm afraid it's not up to you. 528 00:34:45,220 --> 00:34:46,260 Jamie? 529 00:34:48,421 --> 00:34:49,820 Does my name go on the licence? 530 00:34:57,141 --> 00:34:58,181 It's yours, mate. 531 00:34:59,820 --> 00:35:00,780 Jamie! 532 00:35:00,860 --> 00:35:02,340 [door closes] 533 00:35:02,421 --> 00:35:06,741 Don't worry, Karen. I promise to be more of a... sleeping partner. 534 00:35:16,340 --> 00:35:18,701 [Debbie] How could The Joy Of Sex mean a lot to you? 535 00:35:18,780 --> 00:35:21,541 Don't jump to conclusions, smartarse. 536 00:35:22,421 --> 00:35:24,701 Something profound happened. 537 00:35:27,141 --> 00:35:28,701 [woman gasp and groans] 538 00:35:43,141 --> 00:35:44,221 Was it Gran? 539 00:35:44,820 --> 00:35:46,780 Wash your mouth out! No. 540 00:35:47,421 --> 00:35:51,181 It was just... two horny students avoiding their revision. 541 00:35:54,141 --> 00:35:56,141 [Frank] It was an epiphany. 542 00:35:56,221 --> 00:36:01,741 It made me realise that there's more to life than books. 543 00:36:01,820 --> 00:36:04,181 That's what books taught me. 544 00:36:08,381 --> 00:36:09,741 [Security] OK, will do. 545 00:36:11,581 --> 00:36:14,621 -Apparently, you can go. -Oh, great. 546 00:36:14,701 --> 00:36:18,300 -Er... what about...? -I wouldn't hold your breath. 547 00:36:21,021 --> 00:36:22,221 Come on, son. 548 00:36:24,101 --> 00:36:25,340 [Debbie sighs] 549 00:36:31,780 --> 00:36:33,181 [vacuum cleaner noise] 550 00:36:36,780 --> 00:36:39,101 [Max] What did the doctor say? 551 00:36:39,181 --> 00:36:40,221 Well... 552 00:36:40,300 --> 00:36:43,221 -Micky, for fuck's sake! -Yeah, it's, er... 553 00:36:43,300 --> 00:36:44,461 [tense music] 554 00:36:46,701 --> 00:36:49,021 -Fuck off! -I'm an auxiliary nurse. 555 00:36:49,101 --> 00:36:51,621 I've seen more cocks than George Michael's Jacuzzi. 556 00:36:52,941 --> 00:36:54,860 Ah! Bit of delicacy! 557 00:36:56,461 --> 00:36:57,741 Nowt on that one. 558 00:36:57,820 --> 00:37:00,541 Micky, those DVDs are shit... Fucking hell. 559 00:37:00,621 --> 00:37:02,741 -It's not what it looks like. -No. 560 00:37:02,820 --> 00:37:04,501 You might want to close the door. 561 00:37:06,501 --> 00:37:08,101 -Look what you've done now! -Me? 562 00:37:08,181 --> 00:37:10,941 -Thinks we're at it! -Fuck off. 563 00:37:11,860 --> 00:37:15,501 There is no lump, is there? -I'm not a poof. 564 00:37:15,581 --> 00:37:17,101 Argh! All right! 565 00:37:17,181 --> 00:37:20,421 But if Carl knows owt he'll suss I've been looking at his knob. 566 00:37:20,501 --> 00:37:23,340 -As knobs go, I've had worse. -You've had him? 567 00:37:25,380 --> 00:37:27,300 -I'm confused. -How come? 568 00:37:27,380 --> 00:37:30,340 I don't know if I've got a semi-on cos I'm thinking about Carl, 569 00:37:30,421 --> 00:37:33,421 -or cos you're fondling me bollocks. -Oh! 570 00:37:33,501 --> 00:37:34,860 [intense music] 571 00:37:37,101 --> 00:37:40,380 Feel that's what we've got. Un-re-quitted lust. 572 00:37:40,461 --> 00:37:46,221 I've had mine requited. Could do with a bit more requiting. 573 00:37:46,300 --> 00:37:48,780 -You sure about this story? -Yes. 574 00:37:56,461 --> 00:37:59,581 -Let me know if I'm being a gooseberry. -She was wanking me off. 575 00:37:59,661 --> 00:38:02,701 Needed a few quid. Nurses' pay is shite. 576 00:38:03,581 --> 00:38:04,820 I didn't enjoy it. 577 00:38:05,661 --> 00:38:06,901 Me neither. 578 00:38:14,340 --> 00:38:16,581 -He's a good-looking lad. -Yeah, he is. 579 00:38:17,181 --> 00:38:18,901 Christ, he smells like an hooker's gusset. 580 00:38:19,701 --> 00:38:21,941 -I thought we were gonna gip. -[laughs] 581 00:38:29,981 --> 00:38:32,661 -I was trying to help. -Next time, don't bother. 582 00:38:34,541 --> 00:38:35,380 Can't win with you. 583 00:38:36,701 --> 00:38:39,981 If I help you're in a strop. If I don't you're still in a strop. 584 00:38:40,061 --> 00:38:42,820 You of all people should know the shit that you've just dropped me in. 585 00:38:42,901 --> 00:38:44,181 Meaning what? 586 00:38:44,261 --> 00:38:48,421 Meaning Joe's gonna be on me fucking back. Just like he's on yours. 587 00:38:48,501 --> 00:38:50,860 Don't dare insult me by denying it again. 588 00:38:50,941 --> 00:38:52,141 [tense music] 589 00:39:03,581 --> 00:39:06,981 We're out of tonic. I'll pop out and get some. 590 00:39:11,901 --> 00:39:13,101 Mimo. 591 00:39:13,780 --> 00:39:15,421 What? 592 00:39:15,501 --> 00:39:16,461 [sighs] 593 00:39:17,581 --> 00:39:18,661 I need time on my own. 594 00:39:27,141 --> 00:39:28,300 [groans] 595 00:39:31,380 --> 00:39:34,300 I thought I could do this, but my head's exploding and... 596 00:39:40,541 --> 00:39:43,621 I need some relief. Just ten minutes is all I'm asking. 597 00:39:45,701 --> 00:39:46,701 Do it, then. 598 00:39:47,300 --> 00:39:48,380 But I'll be there. 599 00:39:54,780 --> 00:39:55,661 [exhales] 600 00:39:57,181 --> 00:39:58,701 [breathes in heavily] 601 00:40:02,421 --> 00:40:03,340 [exhales] 602 00:40:06,860 --> 00:40:08,661 [whispers] I didn't want this. 603 00:40:09,661 --> 00:40:10,780 I know. 604 00:40:11,541 --> 00:40:12,701 I had no choice. 605 00:40:14,261 --> 00:40:15,101 Hush now. 606 00:40:16,061 --> 00:40:16,981 Forgive me. 607 00:40:19,780 --> 00:40:21,101 I already have. 608 00:40:23,340 --> 00:40:24,780 It's all her fault. 609 00:40:27,181 --> 00:40:28,860 Should never have fell for her. 610 00:40:28,941 --> 00:40:30,101 [tense music] 611 00:40:30,181 --> 00:40:31,340 She did this. 612 00:40:32,780 --> 00:40:34,221 She did this... 613 00:40:34,300 --> 00:40:37,300 [voice echoes] She did this... She... She... 614 00:40:37,380 --> 00:40:38,981 She did this... 615 00:40:56,581 --> 00:40:59,021 Squeeze. Go on, hard. 616 00:40:59,820 --> 00:41:03,581 -Harder, now really go for it. -[Kelly] Don't fucking think so! 617 00:41:04,380 --> 00:41:07,820 -Just doing his exercises. -I'll exercise your fucking face! 618 00:41:07,901 --> 00:41:10,701 Kel, no! Look, me hand. 619 00:41:10,780 --> 00:41:12,300 I can... I can move it. 620 00:41:14,901 --> 00:41:18,380 Not sure whether to hug you or hack you to bits, fucking tramp. 621 00:41:18,461 --> 00:41:21,901 -I got no pleasure out of it. -[imitating] "Hard. Harder! Again!" 622 00:41:21,981 --> 00:41:25,181 -It was a bit of encouragement. -[Kevin] She did fix my hand, Kel. 623 00:41:29,581 --> 00:41:33,141 Get him walking again, I'll double what he's paying you. 624 00:41:33,221 --> 00:41:37,461 But no shagging. Groping strictly with clothes on. 625 00:41:39,181 --> 00:41:40,380 Sound. 626 00:41:40,461 --> 00:41:41,701 [knock at door] 627 00:41:47,941 --> 00:41:49,181 Looking for Rodney Tyler. 628 00:41:58,421 --> 00:41:59,941 Thought you might like this. 629 00:42:07,501 --> 00:42:10,780 You don't look too happy for a man who's just been given 40 grand. 630 00:42:12,380 --> 00:42:14,421 Just never thought it would come to this. 631 00:42:15,380 --> 00:42:16,701 It's what she wanted, mate. 632 00:42:18,541 --> 00:42:20,021 Look after her, will you? 633 00:42:31,621 --> 00:42:33,380 Shit! 634 00:42:33,461 --> 00:42:34,421 Butterfingers. 635 00:42:44,701 --> 00:42:47,021 Last night - fucking ace, or what? 636 00:42:48,701 --> 00:42:49,941 It never happened. 637 00:42:51,380 --> 00:42:52,820 She's me best mate. 638 00:42:52,901 --> 00:42:55,340 Her little girl in my room while I fuck her bloke. 639 00:42:57,021 --> 00:42:58,820 What sort of a cunt does that make me? 640 00:43:00,501 --> 00:43:01,581 The best sort. 641 00:43:03,181 --> 00:43:05,741 -Wet. -It stops now. 642 00:43:08,340 --> 00:43:09,701 [tense music] 643 00:43:13,300 --> 00:43:15,461 This... belongs to me now. 644 00:43:17,101 --> 00:43:18,181 End of. 645 00:43:32,820 --> 00:43:34,181 [laughter in background] 646 00:43:37,380 --> 00:43:38,701 [Kelly] Pensioners! 647 00:43:38,780 --> 00:43:42,300 In Wigan! Think they'd have enough misery in their lives living in Wigan 648 00:43:42,380 --> 00:43:44,261 wi'out you robbing them of their savings! 649 00:43:44,340 --> 00:43:47,141 -How could you, Rodney? -It's all a misunderstanding, Mum... 650 00:43:47,221 --> 00:43:49,221 Don't even fucking go there! And you? 651 00:43:49,300 --> 00:43:53,221 Might have told me that the fucking Elephant Man here were a pathological liar 652 00:43:53,300 --> 00:43:55,221 before I took him upstairs and humped him. 653 00:43:55,300 --> 00:43:57,461 -He said he'd changed. -That's what liars do! 654 00:43:57,541 --> 00:43:58,701 I should go. 655 00:44:03,181 --> 00:44:06,101 -Thanks for not turning us in. -Don't try the pathetic act with me 656 00:44:06,181 --> 00:44:08,340 or you'll have your bollocks for paperweights. 657 00:44:09,300 --> 00:44:12,461 Wait. I can't see you out in t'street empty-handed. 658 00:44:15,981 --> 00:44:19,541 -Are you mental? -I have a responsibility as a mother. 659 00:44:23,300 --> 00:44:24,300 Nice one, man. 660 00:44:30,261 --> 00:44:33,501 You are one soft touch, Lillian. 661 00:44:33,581 --> 00:44:34,581 It's the counterfeits. 662 00:44:35,181 --> 00:44:36,621 -What? -The forged bank notes. 663 00:44:36,701 --> 00:44:40,221 I have a responsibility. I can't have him going round robbing old ladies. 664 00:44:40,300 --> 00:44:42,900 As soon as he starts to spend that, he'll get lifted. 665 00:44:42,981 --> 00:44:44,900 You crafty cow! 666 00:44:44,981 --> 00:44:48,141 I'm doing it because I have to, not because it makes me happy. 667 00:44:56,141 --> 00:44:57,661 [knock on door] 668 00:45:00,701 --> 00:45:01,701 Can I come in? 669 00:45:09,181 --> 00:45:10,981 Hand-delivered it. 670 00:45:11,061 --> 00:45:14,741 -Open it, then. -I'll burn it, you know... if you want. 671 00:45:14,820 --> 00:45:16,941 Why would I want you to do that, idiot? 672 00:45:17,021 --> 00:45:22,421 Cos you're scared I'm gonna go away, get a big head and never come back. 673 00:45:22,501 --> 00:45:26,021 No, I pray for that every night! 674 00:45:26,101 --> 00:45:27,701 I'm so proud of you, Liam. 675 00:45:29,820 --> 00:45:31,421 You open it. 676 00:45:43,581 --> 00:45:47,221 You got it! You got it! [shrieks happily] 677 00:45:47,300 --> 00:45:50,261 [Debbie screaming] Carl! Ian! He got it! He got in! 678 00:45:50,340 --> 00:45:52,380 -[Debbie] Dad! -[Frank] What? 679 00:45:52,461 --> 00:45:53,581 No way. 680 00:45:53,661 --> 00:45:54,820 [Frank] Stop shouting! 681 00:45:54,900 --> 00:45:56,181 Yes! 682 00:45:56,261 --> 00:45:57,300 [Gallaghers celebrate] 683 00:45:57,380 --> 00:46:00,021 [Karen] We're always happy in life, always, 684 00:46:00,101 --> 00:46:03,941 to accept responsibility and plaudits for the good things that happen. 685 00:46:04,021 --> 00:46:05,900 But when it comes to the bad, 686 00:46:05,981 --> 00:46:08,981 we start casting around for whose fault it is. 687 00:46:09,061 --> 00:46:13,261 My advice? Have a look in the fucking mirror. 688 00:46:13,340 --> 00:46:17,621 We're each responsible for our own actions and the consequences that result. 689 00:46:17,701 --> 00:46:21,900 It's a 21st-century disease, avoiding responsibility. 690 00:46:21,981 --> 00:46:23,261 Well, not me. 691 00:46:24,581 --> 00:46:27,661 Mea culpa... mea culpa. 692 00:46:27,741 --> 00:46:31,061 Mea maxima culpa. 693 00:46:31,141 --> 00:46:34,501 And let the chips fall where they may. 694 00:46:34,581 --> 00:46:35,860 -[screams] -[Jamie] Jesus Mand! 695 00:46:35,941 --> 00:46:38,380 -What's with the bruises? -It's what you think! 696 00:46:39,780 --> 00:46:44,261 Walk out that door now and disappear or I will disappear you. 697 00:46:44,340 --> 00:46:45,261 -[screams] -[groans] 698 00:46:45,340 --> 00:46:48,141 Over my dead body is that lad going back inside. 699 00:46:48,221 --> 00:46:51,860 [Policeman] Mimi Maguire, I'm arresting you on suspicion of assault. 700 00:46:51,941 --> 00:46:55,061 If you can't party on a fiver when you're young and gorgeous, when can you? 701 00:46:55,141 --> 00:46:56,141 [cheering] 702 00:46:56,221 --> 00:46:58,141 There's something you can do for me. 703 00:46:59,541 --> 00:47:02,621 -[panting] What next? -Twisting. 704 00:47:40,061 --> 00:47:43,340 So, Jenny, this is what you really want! Is it not? 705 00:47:43,421 --> 00:47:45,621 -[panting] Yes, really! -[Frank pants] 706 00:47:45,701 --> 00:47:47,541 Really! 707 00:47:47,621 --> 00:47:51,221 -Good... Cos' I'm only on page 23. -[Jenny moans] 708 00:47:52,261 --> 00:47:53,421 [Norma gasps] 709 00:47:54,701 --> 00:47:56,541 Argh... Bastard! 79296

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