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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,221 --> 00:00:07,380 [intro music] 2 00:00:07,460 --> 00:00:11,541 [Frank] Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express! 3 00:00:11,621 --> 00:00:16,581 Come and watch pikeys making a mess of the lives they were given 4 00:00:16,661 --> 00:00:19,061 by him upstairs. 5 00:00:19,140 --> 00:00:22,381 And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs. 6 00:00:22,460 --> 00:00:28,861 What sounds on earth could ever replace kids needing money or wives in your face? 7 00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:31,901 Cos this, people reckon, and me included, 8 00:00:31,980 --> 00:00:36,260 is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented. 9 00:00:36,341 --> 00:00:40,940 To calm us all down and stop us going mental. 10 00:00:41,021 --> 00:00:45,220 These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials. 11 00:00:45,301 --> 00:00:49,381 We are worth every penny for grinding your axes. 12 00:00:49,461 --> 00:00:53,860 You shit on our heads, but you pay the taxes. 13 00:00:57,421 --> 00:01:00,741 Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers 14 00:01:00,821 --> 00:01:03,421 who'd come on your face for the price of a beer. 15 00:01:03,501 --> 00:01:07,621 Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now! 16 00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:11,780 Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now! 17 00:01:11,861 --> 00:01:13,060 [laughing] [cough] 18 00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:15,341 Scatter! 19 00:01:15,420 --> 00:01:16,821 Party! 20 00:01:26,021 --> 00:01:29,621 [Frank] A good friend once said to me, Bob the Bullshit, I think: 21 00:01:29,700 --> 00:01:33,541 "Everybody's at it. And if they're not, they should be." 22 00:01:35,341 --> 00:01:39,901 Meaning, I suppose, that nobody is actually who they seem. 23 00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:46,500 We're all of us deceiving each other, and ourselves, most of the time. 24 00:01:46,581 --> 00:01:49,821 -[door knocking] -Pretending to be something, or someone, 25 00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:50,901 that we're not. 26 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,301 And nothing is what it seems. 27 00:01:56,381 --> 00:01:58,420 Do you ever give up, Tom? 28 00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:00,780 Please, not now. 29 00:02:00,860 --> 00:02:02,541 Don't flatter yourself. 30 00:02:02,621 --> 00:02:04,420 -Where's Frank? -What's he done now? 31 00:02:09,820 --> 00:02:11,060 Jesus! 32 00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,581 -[Frank grunts] -Leave it out! 33 00:02:15,661 --> 00:02:17,260 -What are you doing? -He's wanted. 34 00:02:17,341 --> 00:02:19,301 Does he look like he's ever had a credit card? 35 00:02:19,380 --> 00:02:22,260 Over 20 grand owed on his Visa. 36 00:02:22,341 --> 00:02:26,341 Another 12 on a new car, two on a plasma, four on a fortnight in Dubai. 37 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,061 Hello? Sunkissed? 38 00:02:29,141 --> 00:02:31,941 -Three different addresses. -And Frank's details on them all. 39 00:02:34,141 --> 00:02:35,100 [Frank] Sorry. 40 00:02:35,861 --> 00:02:37,141 Well done, Dad. 41 00:02:38,181 --> 00:02:40,540 -It'll be a mistake. -There's no need to manhandle him. 42 00:02:40,621 --> 00:02:42,260 [Liam] Why the bad manners? 43 00:02:42,341 --> 00:02:43,341 We know it wasn't you. 44 00:02:43,421 --> 00:02:45,380 So why the brutality? 45 00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:47,741 Yeah, harassment. 46 00:02:48,581 --> 00:02:51,461 Lorraine Kelly here going all Regan and Carter. 47 00:02:52,181 --> 00:02:53,901 Your identity was stolen. 48 00:02:54,980 --> 00:02:56,100 My identity? 49 00:02:56,181 --> 00:02:59,100 -Have a look at this. -[sighing] Is nothing sacred? 50 00:02:59,181 --> 00:03:00,260 It's your civic duty. 51 00:03:01,021 --> 00:03:04,221 You ignored three summonses. We had no choice but to collect you. 52 00:03:04,301 --> 00:03:06,461 Duh! I'm exempt. 53 00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:10,581 Special dispensation, by-product of a colorful existence. 54 00:03:10,661 --> 00:03:12,181 You haven't got a criminal record. 55 00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:16,661 I haven't. I haven't? Of course I haven't! 56 00:03:16,741 --> 00:03:18,501 Not now, anyway. 57 00:03:18,581 --> 00:03:22,100 The system crashed and was unable to differentiate where the ID theft began. 58 00:03:22,181 --> 00:03:24,061 Couldn't specify which crimes were yours. 59 00:03:24,941 --> 00:03:25,980 So they all got wiped. 60 00:03:26,061 --> 00:03:28,581 [Stan] You're a very lucky man. Clean slate. 61 00:03:28,661 --> 00:03:30,980 [Tom] A whole world of employment opportunities. 62 00:03:31,901 --> 00:03:34,341 And eligible for jury service. 63 00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:44,661 All right, Frank? 64 00:03:45,420 --> 00:03:46,301 All right, Dessie. 65 00:03:49,861 --> 00:03:51,181 Hiya, Frank! 66 00:03:51,260 --> 00:03:52,461 All right, Phil. 67 00:03:59,581 --> 00:04:02,700 [Shane] Step this way, lads, for the Amazing Madchester Music Tour. 68 00:04:02,781 --> 00:04:04,181 Guaranteed to see some stars. 69 00:04:05,140 --> 00:04:06,501 Easy money, mate. 70 00:04:06,581 --> 00:04:07,901 This clip's banging. 71 00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:10,661 MC Tunes in the pink limo crib. 72 00:04:10,741 --> 00:04:13,301 Manchester vibes in the area! Let's 'ave it! 73 00:04:13,380 --> 00:04:14,820 -Fuck's sake! -[whistling] 74 00:04:14,901 --> 00:04:16,300 How do you spell "provocateur"? 75 00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:17,701 Oi, got punters out here. 76 00:04:20,540 --> 00:04:22,261 You know, like, in the posh knickers? 77 00:04:22,341 --> 00:04:23,221 All right? 78 00:04:23,821 --> 00:04:25,661 These babies will reach all your parts. 79 00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:27,740 ["Wrote For Luck" by Happy Mondays playing] 80 00:04:27,821 --> 00:04:29,381 Make yourself comfy. 81 00:04:32,701 --> 00:04:34,381 [Micky] Don't drive too fast! 82 00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:43,060 [car stereo blares] 83 00:04:44,981 --> 00:04:47,221 Hacienda. Used to love it in there, me. 84 00:04:47,301 --> 00:04:48,461 [boy 1] Those flats? 85 00:04:48,541 --> 00:04:52,180 The Sex Pistols played there in the '60s, and loads of other bands saw them. 86 00:04:52,261 --> 00:04:54,620 Not 1976? The Free Trade Hall? 87 00:04:56,180 --> 00:04:57,461 Nah. That's an hotel. 88 00:04:57,541 --> 00:04:59,500 Where's Canal Street from here? 89 00:05:00,221 --> 00:05:01,861 What do you want to know that for? 90 00:05:06,661 --> 00:05:09,180 [sighing] It was terrifying the first time. 91 00:05:10,861 --> 00:05:13,421 -It's a sensitive area. -It's my role though, Pat. 92 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:17,581 This could be my last chance. I'm a good mother. It's what I excel at. 93 00:05:17,661 --> 00:05:20,021 Loads of men have them reversed. 94 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:22,581 Realise they've made a mistake. 95 00:05:22,661 --> 00:05:25,661 It wasn't a mistake. We've had enough for a hurling team. 96 00:05:25,740 --> 00:05:26,661 And lost one. 97 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,940 We don't want any more at this stage in our life. 98 00:05:30,021 --> 00:05:31,940 We should be content with our grandchild. 99 00:05:32,021 --> 00:05:34,620 -But she's not here. -She's two doors away, Mimi. 100 00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:36,581 -[baby cries in distance] -[Paddy] Listen. 101 00:05:37,261 --> 00:05:39,581 But it doesn't feel like enough, Paddy. 102 00:05:40,141 --> 00:05:41,620 Why's she always crying? 103 00:05:41,701 --> 00:05:44,620 God knows what that Liam's doing when Mandy's not looking. 104 00:05:44,701 --> 00:05:48,421 That was a definite error of judgement forging a union with that pikey gene pool. 105 00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:50,101 Mercy, she's such a doll. 106 00:05:50,180 --> 00:05:51,740 [baby cries louder] 107 00:05:54,301 --> 00:05:55,581 They'd be better off here. 108 00:05:55,661 --> 00:05:57,060 There's hardly the room. 109 00:05:57,141 --> 00:06:00,261 I'd happily kick out Scooby or Shaggy. 110 00:06:00,341 --> 00:06:02,981 Maybe that's what I need to stop the yearning. 111 00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:06,261 And if you're shirking your genetic responsibility. 112 00:06:06,341 --> 00:06:08,341 Hey, I've been a prolific provider. 113 00:06:08,421 --> 00:06:11,380 She might come home here. Her and the baby. 114 00:06:12,341 --> 00:06:14,221 What do you think? It could be a plan. 115 00:06:15,861 --> 00:06:17,901 Why's Shane dressed like Buddy Holly? 116 00:06:21,021 --> 00:06:23,301 [barrister] The seriousness of these accusations 117 00:06:23,380 --> 00:06:25,380 cannot be overestimated. 118 00:06:25,461 --> 00:06:29,180 Selling counterfeit merchandise is indicative of the insidious methods 119 00:06:29,261 --> 00:06:33,180 criminal networks employ to fund their illegal activities... 120 00:06:33,261 --> 00:06:35,541 Pay attention! 121 00:06:35,620 --> 00:06:37,781 And don't you dare drool on me. 122 00:06:37,861 --> 00:06:41,060 [puffs] He's a scouser. 123 00:06:41,141 --> 00:06:42,740 All day. 124 00:07:03,421 --> 00:07:05,261 [woman clears throat] 125 00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:06,861 Yeah. 126 00:07:10,940 --> 00:07:14,500 -Came prepared? -As always. 127 00:07:14,581 --> 00:07:16,141 Helen. 128 00:07:16,221 --> 00:07:17,180 Frank Gallagher. 129 00:07:17,260 --> 00:07:19,981 -First time? -Bored off my tits. 130 00:07:20,060 --> 00:07:22,180 It can get tedious. 131 00:07:22,260 --> 00:07:25,301 -You're familiar with the surroundings? -I come whenever I can. 132 00:07:25,380 --> 00:07:28,101 But only the public gallery. 133 00:07:28,180 --> 00:07:29,981 Yeah, been a regular myself. 134 00:07:30,060 --> 00:07:33,260 Only the cheap seats, though. If you know what I mean. 135 00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:44,581 [barrister] I would imagine if I were selling counterfeit goods 136 00:07:44,661 --> 00:07:48,141 to raise funds for a terrorist cell or a drug cartel, 137 00:07:48,221 --> 00:07:51,781 I would also be afraid to assist the police in their enquiries. 138 00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:56,701 ["Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before" by The Smiths playing] 139 00:07:56,781 --> 00:07:57,981 This is where The Smiths met. 140 00:07:58,861 --> 00:08:02,060 They sometimes come back round here for inspiration and whatnot. 141 00:08:02,141 --> 00:08:03,500 [Micky] Look! There he is. 142 00:08:03,581 --> 00:08:04,541 That's Morrissey. 143 00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:05,981 -No way! -Wow. 144 00:08:11,301 --> 00:08:12,620 Bloody hell! 145 00:08:14,101 --> 00:08:14,981 [giggling] 146 00:08:16,461 --> 00:08:18,221 [Micky] Did you see him? I told you... 147 00:08:18,301 --> 00:08:21,380 I just don't know who you might run into round here if you're lucky. 148 00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:28,260 -Way! -[boy 2] What! 149 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,901 This is mental. All right? 150 00:08:29,981 --> 00:08:31,500 -[boy 2] Hello, mate. -All right. 151 00:08:31,581 --> 00:08:32,980 [camera shutter] 152 00:08:35,541 --> 00:08:37,820 What's that knobhead waving at? 153 00:08:39,460 --> 00:08:41,261 [indistinct chatter] 154 00:08:41,340 --> 00:08:43,940 Liam's good as gold! He's brilliant with Katie. 155 00:08:44,021 --> 00:08:45,100 [Paddy] I'm sure he is, sweetheart. 156 00:08:46,021 --> 00:08:49,421 Your mother's just feeling sensitive. We hear Katie crying a lot. 157 00:08:49,980 --> 00:08:52,061 It's what happens when children compete. 158 00:08:52,781 --> 00:08:55,181 She's just going through a phase. 159 00:08:56,340 --> 00:08:57,980 Talking about having another baby. 160 00:08:58,061 --> 00:08:59,541 [puffs] No danger there. 161 00:08:59,621 --> 00:09:02,100 But she's got this notion that you and Katie moving in 162 00:09:02,181 --> 00:09:03,581 will be an adequate surrogate. 163 00:09:06,141 --> 00:09:08,421 There's no space. She's in her own bed. 164 00:09:08,501 --> 00:09:09,901 I understand. 165 00:09:10,541 --> 00:09:13,860 [kiss] But you know your mother. She wants her little girls home. 166 00:09:15,901 --> 00:09:18,781 That looked a bit serious. Daddy and his princess getting along? 167 00:09:18,860 --> 00:09:20,100 Would you move back home? 168 00:09:22,421 --> 00:09:24,741 -I might need a favour. -All right. 169 00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:33,141 [all] ♪Ooh, aah, ooh, aah! ♪ ♪ Ooh, aah, Cantona! ♪ 170 00:09:33,220 --> 00:09:35,781 ♪ Ooh, aah, the Cantona! ♪ 171 00:09:35,860 --> 00:09:39,701 [giggling] Yeah, man. Yeah, me mate can get you tickets. 172 00:09:39,781 --> 00:09:44,100 Yeah. That's who he named the band after. As well as the ginger pubes on his head. 173 00:09:44,980 --> 00:09:48,340 He still visits his family round there. These were his local shops. 174 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,061 -[boy 2] Where's he live now? -How should I know? 175 00:09:51,141 --> 00:09:52,781 [boy 2] I've heard he's got a place in Milan. 176 00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:53,701 Wit woo. 177 00:09:53,781 --> 00:09:57,021 Simply Red wasn't exactly Madchester, though. 178 00:09:57,100 --> 00:09:57,980 Who says? 179 00:09:58,061 --> 00:09:59,181 Well, everybody. 180 00:09:59,781 --> 00:10:00,621 Go, go, go! 181 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:02,581 [boy 1] Neither was Morrissey, as it happens. 182 00:10:02,661 --> 00:10:03,941 He definitely was. 183 00:10:04,581 --> 00:10:09,021 Look! Look! Take some photos! Mick Hucknall in the area! 184 00:10:09,980 --> 00:10:11,021 [Micky] Two out of two. 185 00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:14,501 Did you see him? That was ace. Tell all your mates. 186 00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:15,941 -[boy 1] No way! -[boy 2] Kerching! 187 00:10:16,021 --> 00:10:16,941 [boy 1] Wow! 188 00:10:18,821 --> 00:10:20,860 [barrister] With offices around the country, 189 00:10:20,941 --> 00:10:25,501 invariably pointing to sellers like this being involved in something more sinister. 190 00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:28,541 The higher up the chain of supply we're able to venture... 191 00:10:32,061 --> 00:10:34,581 -There's a strong case against him. -[puffs] 192 00:10:34,661 --> 00:10:39,061 Liverpool. City of Vultures. The whole town's counterfeit. 193 00:10:39,141 --> 00:10:41,901 They all wear fake clothes? 194 00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:44,661 No, it's a simile. But probably. 195 00:10:44,741 --> 00:10:48,941 Chipmunk-Cilla's features. Tarby's "humour"? 196 00:10:49,021 --> 00:10:51,501 "Community spirit in the face of adversity." 197 00:10:51,581 --> 00:10:54,021 How many of them actually work? 198 00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:59,421 Dark Side Of The Moon while smoking weed, playing Xboxes all day long. 199 00:10:59,501 --> 00:11:02,501 Nothing is as it seems down the East Lancs... 200 00:11:02,581 --> 00:11:07,021 Fake football shirts, Helen, are the tip of his particular iceberg. 201 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:10,460 The slave trade. The Three Graces. 202 00:11:10,541 --> 00:11:13,021 Icing on the crown of the Scouse nation. 203 00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:15,340 -My dad's from Liverpool. -No offence. 204 00:11:15,421 --> 00:11:16,661 It's okay. 205 00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:20,860 I never really thought of it like that. 206 00:11:21,901 --> 00:11:23,860 [snickering] 207 00:11:27,621 --> 00:11:28,980 [Carrie moans] Oh! Yes! 208 00:11:29,061 --> 00:11:32,541 [passionately] Oh! Yes! Yes! Yes! 209 00:11:32,621 --> 00:11:35,460 [Bill moans] 210 00:11:35,541 --> 00:11:37,701 [Bill] Bingo! [sighs deeply] 211 00:11:43,740 --> 00:11:47,181 -You're on lates? -Still got plenty to do. 212 00:11:47,261 --> 00:11:48,460 Coffee? 213 00:11:58,381 --> 00:12:00,340 Sorry about any confusion yesterday. 214 00:12:14,781 --> 00:12:16,661 [Tom] Frank? Frank, come on. 215 00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:22,781 [Maxine grunting] 216 00:12:25,581 --> 00:12:27,141 Frank, you've got a lift to court. 217 00:12:31,701 --> 00:12:34,340 -Frank! -Let him have it! Let him have it! 218 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:37,980 -What is your problem? -Stalker! 219 00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:40,740 [Frank] Been reading Catcher In The Rye? 220 00:12:40,821 --> 00:12:43,340 It's a misunderstanding. I just came to give him a lift. 221 00:12:43,421 --> 00:12:47,141 Is that a copper's job? Or has he been fast-tracked to judge? 222 00:12:47,220 --> 00:12:50,541 And to apologise for yesterday. Being rough. 223 00:12:50,620 --> 00:12:54,781 Get past it, Tom. We're o-v-e-r. 224 00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:57,021 You're freaking me out now. 225 00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:03,381 [car stereo blares] 226 00:13:03,460 --> 00:13:05,740 -No, thanks. -It's all right. 227 00:13:05,821 --> 00:13:08,340 It's not really my thing. 228 00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:11,220 But it makes the tour more real if you know what I mean. 229 00:13:11,301 --> 00:13:14,220 Without these little beauties, there wouldn't be a Madchester! 230 00:13:14,301 --> 00:13:16,220 I said, I'm not interested. 231 00:13:27,021 --> 00:13:28,220 [woman] Check! 232 00:13:30,821 --> 00:13:32,301 [officers giggling] 233 00:13:37,261 --> 00:13:38,301 How's that funny? 234 00:13:41,261 --> 00:13:43,181 [Stan laughing] Can't you take a joke? 235 00:13:48,421 --> 00:13:50,021 Do you think that's funny, Bill? 236 00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:52,821 Men taking advantage of pubescent girls? 237 00:13:54,541 --> 00:13:55,421 All the same. 238 00:13:58,340 --> 00:14:00,381 [Stan] I was just trying to lighten the mood. 239 00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:01,581 Make you smile. 240 00:14:03,821 --> 00:14:06,620 But you shouldn't have gone round there this morning. 241 00:14:06,701 --> 00:14:08,381 It won't do either of you any good. 242 00:14:08,460 --> 00:14:10,740 I mean, Frank can't expect a--Urgh! 243 00:14:11,860 --> 00:14:13,261 -What's that? -[Tom laughs] 244 00:14:13,340 --> 00:14:15,141 -You cheeky little-- -Touché. 245 00:14:15,220 --> 00:14:18,181 -You don't know what you've started. -What I started? 246 00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:32,821 [Micky grunts] 247 00:14:35,381 --> 00:14:37,141 -What you up to? -It's a free country. 248 00:14:38,381 --> 00:14:39,901 -Who are these? -Mates. 249 00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,381 -You two okay? -They're sound. 250 00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:42,541 I asked them. 251 00:14:44,220 --> 00:14:45,100 [Carrie] Girls? 252 00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:47,901 [girl] We're fine, thanks. 253 00:14:51,541 --> 00:14:54,220 Can't switch off. Needs a truncheon up her--Aaagh! 254 00:14:54,301 --> 00:14:56,421 Not the day for it, Maguire. 255 00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:59,421 Agh, fuck! 256 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,220 [Frank] The classic syndrome, Helen. 257 00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:05,500 Rob their pensions, medical cover... And who ends up with the yacht, 258 00:15:05,581 --> 00:15:08,381 -Ferrari and Spanish villa? -Scousers? 259 00:15:08,460 --> 00:15:10,421 Scou... 260 00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:13,701 Well, yeah, sometimes it's scousers, the rich ones, 261 00:15:13,781 --> 00:15:18,460 but whoever it is, I guarantee they won't come from places like we did. 262 00:15:18,541 --> 00:15:20,701 I've never met anyone who talks like you. 263 00:15:21,781 --> 00:15:24,620 I can't believe I'm here, in the beating heart, 264 00:15:24,701 --> 00:15:27,901 with such wonderful people, and actually getting money for it. 265 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:32,220 Well, my pearls falling on appreciative ears 266 00:15:32,301 --> 00:15:34,581 -has helped numb the tedium. -That's nice. 267 00:15:37,581 --> 00:15:40,581 [sighs] Home beckon... What do you mean: "getting money for it"? 268 00:15:40,661 --> 00:15:44,661 You must have been asleep. The expenses. Match your wages. Fantastic! 269 00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:56,581 -Why are we still here? -We're ready now. 270 00:15:57,781 --> 00:15:59,500 Look! Frank Sidebottom! 271 00:15:59,581 --> 00:16:01,661 -[girl] Who? -Frank Sidebottom. 272 00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:04,141 -What does that mean? -Him, there. Off the telly. 273 00:16:04,220 --> 00:16:05,541 [slams] 274 00:16:13,781 --> 00:16:15,061 -What? -[girl] Refund. 275 00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,100 -Why? -Look, 276 00:16:16,181 --> 00:16:18,380 we didn't say anything to that policewoman, 277 00:16:18,460 --> 00:16:20,581 but aside from trying to force drugs on us, 278 00:16:21,301 --> 00:16:22,860 this is a total crock of shit! 279 00:16:26,061 --> 00:16:27,701 [Kelly] Where you going? 280 00:16:28,860 --> 00:16:30,500 It'll be me they come looking for. 281 00:16:30,581 --> 00:16:31,860 -[girl shouting] -Shouldn't be so stupid. 282 00:16:32,781 --> 00:16:33,781 Hurry up! 283 00:16:40,141 --> 00:16:41,100 Let me guess. 284 00:16:42,941 --> 00:16:45,421 Hey, Yvonne, how much do you pay your workers? 285 00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:47,460 You've got no chance. 286 00:16:47,541 --> 00:16:49,661 -It's not Remploy. -I shall ignore such slander 287 00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:51,860 in the interests of my business proposition. 288 00:16:51,941 --> 00:16:52,901 Lend us that. 289 00:16:54,541 --> 00:16:56,460 -Jury expenses. -How much? 290 00:16:56,541 --> 00:16:59,061 Just leave that to me. Started the job yesterday. 291 00:16:59,141 --> 00:17:00,380 80/20 split. 292 00:17:31,981 --> 00:17:34,061 [indistinct police radio chatter] 293 00:17:34,141 --> 00:17:34,981 [car door closes] 294 00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:56,501 [Carrie screaming loudly] There's no way out! 295 00:18:11,701 --> 00:18:14,701 [loudly] Make it easy on yourself, and I'll make it easier on you. 296 00:18:19,660 --> 00:18:21,101 Back-up's on the way. 297 00:18:28,781 --> 00:18:31,261 Ripping innocent people off again? 298 00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:33,981 You lot never learn. 299 00:18:35,021 --> 00:18:36,261 [wood creaking] 300 00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:43,981 I've called the dogs, 301 00:18:44,981 --> 00:18:49,180 so, if you don't want an Alsatian's teeth around your member... 302 00:18:49,940 --> 00:18:51,061 [Micky] Oh! 303 00:18:51,141 --> 00:18:52,621 [Micky screams] 304 00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:54,180 I'm blind! 305 00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:57,501 I'm blind! My eyes! 306 00:18:58,180 --> 00:18:59,660 [Micky] What was that for? 307 00:18:59,741 --> 00:19:01,821 [Carrie] Right, get up, Saul. I'll support ya. 308 00:19:02,741 --> 00:19:04,741 -[Carrie] Come on! -[Micky struggling] 309 00:19:06,261 --> 00:19:07,141 [Carrie screams] 310 00:19:08,141 --> 00:19:11,700 -What's happened? -What's it look like? [sobbing] 311 00:19:11,781 --> 00:19:15,821 -I can't see! -Stop whining and pull me out! 312 00:19:18,021 --> 00:19:20,021 -[grunting] -You're stuck. 313 00:19:22,501 --> 00:19:23,461 [Micky] Argh! 314 00:19:25,301 --> 00:19:29,221 [judge] I shall now ask the jury to retire, and consider their verdict. 315 00:19:44,101 --> 00:19:47,700 Does anybody have any specific desire to take the role of foreman? 316 00:19:52,861 --> 00:19:53,861 Hmm, all yours. 317 00:19:57,660 --> 00:20:01,541 Well, can I suggest we start with a quick show of hands? 318 00:20:01,621 --> 00:20:03,180 I presume we're all feeling the same. 319 00:20:03,261 --> 00:20:05,180 Probably be out of here in no time. 320 00:20:05,781 --> 00:20:08,461 So, all those who think the defendant's guilty? 321 00:20:17,021 --> 00:20:19,501 And all those who think the defendant's not guilty? 322 00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:28,741 Looks like we'll be back in the morning. 323 00:20:32,621 --> 00:20:33,501 [Micky groaning] 324 00:20:33,581 --> 00:20:35,741 [Carrie] I can't find the keys. Now stop rubbing! 325 00:20:35,821 --> 00:20:39,101 -[Micky] Just let me go and get some help. -[Carrie] You won't come back. 326 00:20:39,180 --> 00:20:41,821 Well, I'll just phone me dad to bring the bolt cutters then. 327 00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:43,221 Woo woo! 328 00:20:44,061 --> 00:20:45,621 I would leave you here, anyway. 329 00:20:50,420 --> 00:20:52,461 -I bet there's spiders. -So? 330 00:20:52,541 --> 00:20:53,461 [sucks teeth] 331 00:20:54,541 --> 00:20:58,141 I'm making a complaint about you on unnecessary force. Again! 332 00:20:58,700 --> 00:20:59,900 [mobile phone rings] 333 00:21:02,741 --> 00:21:03,940 [Micky grunting] Aaagh! 334 00:21:09,261 --> 00:21:10,660 [door opens] 335 00:21:10,741 --> 00:21:12,940 -Where's my baseball bat? -In your wardrobe. 336 00:21:18,301 --> 00:21:20,501 -[Monica sighing] -[Stella crying] 337 00:21:20,581 --> 00:21:21,861 [Katie] Mummy! 338 00:21:24,781 --> 00:21:26,261 That's Stella waking Katie. 339 00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:30,781 [Katie] Mummy! 340 00:21:36,301 --> 00:21:38,061 [screams in despair] 341 00:21:39,981 --> 00:21:41,141 [door slams] 342 00:21:42,461 --> 00:21:43,700 [Katie] Mummy! 343 00:21:47,460 --> 00:21:52,061 -[Katie cries in distance] -[Stella cries in distance] 344 00:21:57,741 --> 00:21:58,700 That's it! 345 00:22:13,341 --> 00:22:16,180 -Mimi! -What's the mad bitch up to now? 346 00:22:16,261 --> 00:22:17,981 -Show some respect. -Ow! 347 00:22:18,061 --> 00:22:19,741 -It's stuck. -What's going on? 348 00:22:19,821 --> 00:22:20,900 [Paddy] I don't know. 349 00:22:20,981 --> 00:22:25,180 If I just make room, and clear it, she'll come! 350 00:22:25,261 --> 00:22:26,141 Mum! 351 00:22:26,221 --> 00:22:28,180 Whoa, whoa, whoa, not Butch! 352 00:22:28,261 --> 00:22:33,660 It's for you, babe. Please come home! I can't bear what they're doing to Katie. 353 00:22:33,741 --> 00:22:34,940 [Debbie] What who's doing? 354 00:22:35,021 --> 00:22:37,261 Damien over there, and who knows who else. 355 00:22:37,341 --> 00:22:38,621 Watch what you're saying! 356 00:22:38,700 --> 00:22:39,900 -What's it got to do with you? -Leave it. 357 00:22:39,981 --> 00:22:42,861 -No, we love Katie. -So why's she so unhappy? 358 00:22:42,940 --> 00:22:45,460 Stella cries, Katie cries sometimes. It's a small house. 359 00:22:45,541 --> 00:22:48,981 That's the point. We would love you to come home. 360 00:22:51,981 --> 00:22:53,061 [Frank] This'll do. 361 00:22:54,420 --> 00:22:56,700 [Kelly screams in fear] 362 00:22:56,781 --> 00:22:58,741 -[metal clattering] -[indistinct shouts] 363 00:23:01,420 --> 00:23:02,861 Maybe the pub. 364 00:23:06,861 --> 00:23:08,021 Usual, Karen. 365 00:23:08,101 --> 00:23:12,821 One for yourself, and... your dearest. 366 00:23:12,900 --> 00:23:14,261 Someone's in a good mood. 367 00:23:14,341 --> 00:23:18,861 Well, it's nice to share the wealth when fortune smiles on the brave. 368 00:23:18,940 --> 00:23:22,940 And a tipple for my delectable other half as well. 369 00:23:23,021 --> 00:23:26,821 So, did the Scouser get a guilty? 370 00:23:26,900 --> 00:23:30,460 -Well, I may have been a tad hasty. -Oh, quelle surprise! 371 00:23:30,541 --> 00:23:33,700 They're much maligned, you know, Liverpudlians. 372 00:23:33,781 --> 00:23:35,061 Cousins, really. 373 00:23:35,141 --> 00:23:37,460 Many a worthy contributor for the general good. 374 00:23:37,541 --> 00:23:38,541 You reckon? 375 00:23:38,621 --> 00:23:41,301 -Oh, definitely. -Such as? 376 00:23:42,700 --> 00:23:46,900 Ehm... You know... Grobbelaar? 377 00:23:46,981 --> 00:23:48,381 Hatton! 378 00:23:48,460 --> 00:23:51,821 -There was a heavyweight in his field. -He's a welterweight from Stockport. 379 00:23:51,900 --> 00:23:53,940 No, Derek. 380 00:23:54,021 --> 00:23:55,341 -So? -[Frank squeaks] 381 00:23:55,420 --> 00:23:57,781 Who was the dizzy-looking bitch? 382 00:23:57,861 --> 00:24:00,101 -Who? -[slams] 383 00:24:00,180 --> 00:24:01,061 What? 384 00:24:01,141 --> 00:24:06,581 Oh, um, you know... the thingy... Foreman of the jury on her way to hers. 385 00:24:06,660 --> 00:24:08,381 Bit mental. 386 00:24:08,460 --> 00:24:09,541 [Carrie] What are you doing? 387 00:24:09,621 --> 00:24:12,900 [puffs] Smoking the evidence. 388 00:24:12,981 --> 00:24:14,581 [Carrie sneezes] Stop it! 389 00:24:14,660 --> 00:24:18,021 Better than being gassed. Have some. 390 00:24:18,101 --> 00:24:20,301 -It's illegal! -So? 391 00:24:20,381 --> 00:24:22,781 -I'm a policewoman. -Everybody does it. 392 00:24:22,861 --> 00:24:24,821 But I don't. 393 00:24:24,900 --> 00:24:28,660 -Never tried? -Never! 394 00:24:28,741 --> 00:24:30,460 Don't know what you're missing. 395 00:24:32,101 --> 00:24:34,261 [inhales deeply] 396 00:24:34,341 --> 00:24:35,861 Stop! 397 00:24:35,940 --> 00:24:38,061 Might chill you out. 398 00:24:38,741 --> 00:24:39,621 [Carrie gibbering] 399 00:24:45,101 --> 00:24:47,301 Dunno what all the fuss is about. 400 00:24:48,821 --> 00:24:52,221 -So why do you keep laughing then? -[both giggle] 401 00:24:56,141 --> 00:24:57,061 [sirens wailing] 402 00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:02,261 [Carrie] How come I've never seen you with a girlfriend? 403 00:25:03,700 --> 00:25:05,381 I've never seen you with a boyfriend. 404 00:25:06,541 --> 00:25:07,381 So? 405 00:25:09,581 --> 00:25:11,141 I don't want one at the moment. 406 00:25:11,940 --> 00:25:13,700 I'm concentrating on my writing. 407 00:25:14,381 --> 00:25:16,101 -Can't you write? -Course! 408 00:25:16,781 --> 00:25:19,061 I mean... stories and that. 409 00:25:19,660 --> 00:25:22,420 Yeah? What kind of stories? 410 00:25:25,660 --> 00:25:26,541 Erotica. 411 00:25:26,621 --> 00:25:28,821 [coughing] 412 00:25:34,420 --> 00:25:35,821 -Sorry. -It's all right. 413 00:25:37,781 --> 00:25:41,821 Personally, I think it's overrated. 414 00:25:42,581 --> 00:25:44,180 -Erotica? -Sex. 415 00:25:44,861 --> 00:25:45,821 You reckon? 416 00:25:46,660 --> 00:25:49,341 -I prefer a good arrest. -Typical Dibble. 417 00:25:49,420 --> 00:25:53,501 Hardly typical! One day I'll be far from here. 418 00:25:53,581 --> 00:25:56,501 Chief Super, [sighs] somewhere fitting. 419 00:25:56,581 --> 00:25:58,061 Yeah. I will too. 420 00:25:59,341 --> 00:26:01,261 -What? -Be far from here. 421 00:26:01,341 --> 00:26:02,581 Yeah, right. 422 00:26:02,660 --> 00:26:04,460 -Stretford? -No! 423 00:26:09,141 --> 00:26:10,021 Go on then. 424 00:26:10,541 --> 00:26:12,101 Where do you want to be? 425 00:26:12,180 --> 00:26:13,141 I don't know. 426 00:26:15,101 --> 00:26:15,981 Maybe California. 427 00:26:16,061 --> 00:26:18,061 Writing novels in a cabin by the ocean? 428 00:26:18,141 --> 00:26:22,700 Not a cabin. One of them steel and glass minimum houses. 429 00:26:22,781 --> 00:26:25,621 -Hollywood starlets round the pool. -Defo. 430 00:26:25,700 --> 00:26:30,180 Dancing all day, plenty of weed, rubbing sun cream on each other. 431 00:26:30,261 --> 00:26:32,420 [sighs] Sounds like one of your stories. 432 00:26:32,501 --> 00:26:35,541 Yeah, tanned and toned. [excitedly] Proper hard bodies. 433 00:26:35,621 --> 00:26:36,741 Easy. 434 00:26:36,821 --> 00:26:37,861 You'll get me going. 435 00:26:38,700 --> 00:26:40,341 Well, it'll be wasted on you anyway. 436 00:26:41,781 --> 00:26:42,621 Don't know. 437 00:26:43,940 --> 00:26:44,781 Sounded good. 438 00:26:44,861 --> 00:26:46,861 You can't be totally frigid then. 439 00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:48,900 Watch it! 440 00:26:50,621 --> 00:26:53,420 -You must be a bit. -Why? 441 00:26:53,501 --> 00:26:55,660 "Sex is overrated". You said it. 442 00:26:55,741 --> 00:26:59,501 Well, it is. Better channelling the energy into work. 443 00:27:00,220 --> 00:27:01,101 Or the gym. 444 00:27:02,420 --> 00:27:03,460 What about... 445 00:27:05,700 --> 00:27:06,861 orgasms? 446 00:27:08,381 --> 00:27:09,301 What about 'em? 447 00:27:09,381 --> 00:27:10,460 Ever had one? 448 00:27:10,541 --> 00:27:11,621 Course. 449 00:27:14,061 --> 00:27:16,301 -I reckon. -You'd know if you had. 450 00:27:18,101 --> 00:27:19,381 I bet I can give you one. 451 00:27:20,061 --> 00:27:20,900 Watch it! 452 00:27:20,981 --> 00:27:21,861 No! 453 00:27:22,700 --> 00:27:23,821 I mean with this. 454 00:27:25,261 --> 00:27:26,220 This is my new one. 455 00:27:26,981 --> 00:27:29,460 -Don't be mental. -Don't you believe me? 456 00:27:29,541 --> 00:27:31,180 -Course not. Do you wanna bet? 457 00:27:34,660 --> 00:27:36,501 -Won't it be embarrassing? -No. 458 00:27:37,460 --> 00:27:38,341 Just... 459 00:27:40,460 --> 00:27:42,101 Just chill and get in the mood. 460 00:27:47,501 --> 00:27:49,501 [indistinct chatter] 461 00:27:51,301 --> 00:27:53,660 -[indistinct chatter] -[rock music over the radio] 462 00:27:57,861 --> 00:27:59,541 [all in silence] 463 00:28:02,301 --> 00:28:04,821 Got to take such responsibilities seriously. 464 00:28:05,700 --> 00:28:07,101 You know, massive stakes. 465 00:28:07,700 --> 00:28:09,700 Someone's liberty here. 466 00:28:10,381 --> 00:28:12,700 Cost to the taxpayer of miscarriages of justice? 467 00:28:12,781 --> 00:28:15,660 -[scoffs] It's astronomical. -[car horn outside] 468 00:28:18,700 --> 00:28:21,981 It's probably just thingy, your foreman. 469 00:28:28,141 --> 00:28:30,220 [foreman] The prosecution's adamant 470 00:28:30,301 --> 00:28:33,261 that almost every time they follow the chain of counterfeit goods, 471 00:28:33,341 --> 00:28:35,700 such as those football shirts, back to its source, 472 00:28:35,781 --> 00:28:40,381 it's in some way implicated into a much larger criminal framework, 473 00:28:41,061 --> 00:28:46,460 invariably linked to drugs, guns, people-smuggling or terrorism. 474 00:28:47,460 --> 00:28:50,341 If that boss-eyed Mickey Mouser is Al-Qaeda, 475 00:28:50,900 --> 00:28:55,341 then, I'm... [stammering] Al... Alcohol-free! 476 00:28:55,420 --> 00:28:56,781 [people giggling] 477 00:28:56,861 --> 00:28:59,180 His name's Graeme McEwan. 478 00:28:59,261 --> 00:29:00,581 [scoffs] 479 00:29:00,660 --> 00:29:04,581 Well, isn't it enough that our Graeme's admitted possession and... 480 00:29:05,460 --> 00:29:08,980 selling snide gear? Eh? 481 00:29:09,061 --> 00:29:11,101 He'll get a hefty fine for that anyway. 482 00:29:11,180 --> 00:29:12,501 Rightly so! 483 00:29:12,581 --> 00:29:17,700 But, as he swears, isn't it possible that he was ripped off 484 00:29:17,781 --> 00:29:20,061 and didn't know the football shirts were fake? 485 00:29:20,141 --> 00:29:22,741 Would he risk openly selling them on Longsight Market 486 00:29:22,821 --> 00:29:24,980 if he honestly thought they were snide? 487 00:29:25,061 --> 00:29:29,741 Hey, I'd give Mr McEwan ten years just for selling United kits, 488 00:29:29,821 --> 00:29:31,141 but, hey, that's personal. 489 00:29:32,501 --> 00:29:33,660 [Frank] Ah! 490 00:29:34,381 --> 00:29:35,621 [relieved] Ah! 491 00:29:35,700 --> 00:29:37,581 [man clapping] Fantastic! 492 00:29:40,301 --> 00:29:44,101 [Micky] "Her truncheon probed his balls as he flicked his tongue 493 00:29:44,180 --> 00:29:46,741 through the black lace of her best La Senza knickers... 494 00:29:46,821 --> 00:29:47,660 [Carrie sighs] 495 00:29:47,741 --> 00:29:49,900 'Spread 'em,' her deep voice whispered, 496 00:29:50,501 --> 00:29:51,861 as she removed the handcuffs 497 00:29:51,940 --> 00:29:54,061 to allow him access to her youthful beast." 498 00:29:54,861 --> 00:29:55,741 Spelling again. 499 00:29:56,460 --> 00:29:59,541 "Youthful breasts, and moist loins. 500 00:29:59,621 --> 00:30:01,581 She grabbed the cell bars, 501 00:30:01,660 --> 00:30:04,381 trousers round her ankles, La Senza's to the side, 502 00:30:04,940 --> 00:30:07,741 hat perched cheekily on her short brunette hair. 503 00:30:08,460 --> 00:30:09,781 The prisoner stood. 504 00:30:09,861 --> 00:30:13,301 Ten years of press-ups had given him the body of an Adonis, 505 00:30:13,381 --> 00:30:16,781 a decade of yearning and the fullest pair of bollocks she'd ever seen... 506 00:30:16,861 --> 00:30:17,741 [moaning] 507 00:30:18,781 --> 00:30:20,501 That's really well put, Micky. 508 00:30:21,821 --> 00:30:24,861 "He slapped her pert buttocks with enough force 509 00:30:24,940 --> 00:30:27,021 -to hint a threat of pain." -Oh! 510 00:30:27,101 --> 00:30:29,821 "He gazed at the window, dreaming of his release, 511 00:30:29,900 --> 00:30:32,220 and cried out in glory: 'Agh!'" 512 00:30:32,301 --> 00:30:33,180 Agh! 513 00:30:34,061 --> 00:30:39,940 "And plunged his throbbing member, deep and hard, into the grateful copper." 514 00:30:40,021 --> 00:30:41,460 [moans] 515 00:30:51,261 --> 00:30:52,581 [moaning increases] 516 00:30:54,501 --> 00:30:57,700 [moaning] Oh my... 517 00:30:58,301 --> 00:31:00,301 fucking word! 518 00:31:00,381 --> 00:31:02,581 -Language! -Give me that. 519 00:31:05,061 --> 00:31:06,940 -[wood creaking] -[Carrie] No! 520 00:31:07,021 --> 00:31:08,980 Nooooo! 521 00:31:09,061 --> 00:31:11,381 -Hey! [moaning] -A double? 522 00:31:12,141 --> 00:31:14,900 -[Carrie] No! -Yes! See what I've started? 523 00:31:14,980 --> 00:31:17,021 Someone's nicking my boots! 524 00:31:18,301 --> 00:31:20,621 -[Carrie grunts] -[wood creaking] 525 00:31:20,700 --> 00:31:22,261 -[both scream] -[rumbling] 526 00:31:25,541 --> 00:31:27,341 -[Carrie coughing] -[Micky grunting] 527 00:31:27,420 --> 00:31:29,061 [both spitting and coughing] 528 00:31:33,220 --> 00:31:34,621 How long you been down here? 529 00:31:34,700 --> 00:31:36,861 -[man giggles] -[Carrie] I'm nicking ya! 530 00:31:38,460 --> 00:31:39,781 [Carrie] Oi! Oi! 531 00:31:39,861 --> 00:31:40,980 [Micky laughs] 532 00:31:42,341 --> 00:31:45,021 -Buzzin'! -[Carrie laughs] 533 00:31:47,581 --> 00:31:49,420 [Paddy] One, two... 534 00:31:50,180 --> 00:31:53,301 three, four, five. 535 00:31:53,821 --> 00:31:54,781 She loves it here. 536 00:31:54,861 --> 00:31:58,940 I know she does, and I do too. And it's a treat for us all. 537 00:31:59,021 --> 00:32:02,220 -But it'd be different if it's permanent. -Why would it? 538 00:32:02,301 --> 00:32:04,861 -Why do you think that? -It's about my confidence, too. 539 00:32:04,940 --> 00:32:07,180 Moving home would feel like moving backwards. 540 00:32:07,261 --> 00:32:09,740 You can't stay in that shithole for ever! 541 00:32:11,821 --> 00:32:13,541 That's why I'm moving in with Jamie. 542 00:32:14,700 --> 00:32:15,781 You can't! 543 00:32:16,460 --> 00:32:18,420 Won't that just be treading water? 544 00:32:18,501 --> 00:32:20,141 I can help out, and earn extra cash. 545 00:32:20,220 --> 00:32:22,220 At least it'll feel I'm achieving something. 546 00:32:22,301 --> 00:32:23,420 We can help with money. 547 00:32:23,501 --> 00:32:26,420 I know you can, Dad, but it's also about my independence. 548 00:32:27,141 --> 00:32:29,141 [knocking] 549 00:32:30,061 --> 00:32:34,220 [Mimi] A pub's a terrible environment to be bringing up a little girl. 550 00:32:35,021 --> 00:32:38,940 And what sort of example is that spoon-faced slag gonna be setting? 551 00:32:41,861 --> 00:32:44,420 -Here you are, lad, 30 quid. -Nice one. 552 00:32:46,980 --> 00:32:50,740 Ninety-nine, a hundred. Coming, ready or not... 553 00:32:52,101 --> 00:32:53,781 [Frank] It's the grey market. 554 00:32:53,861 --> 00:32:58,381 No one can tell what's fake any more, cos it all comes from the same suppliers. 555 00:32:58,460 --> 00:33:00,781 You sound like a conspiracy theorist. 556 00:33:00,861 --> 00:33:02,700 Pardonnez-moi, who wouldn't be? 557 00:33:03,261 --> 00:33:06,581 Classic smokescreens, diverting suspicion... 558 00:33:06,660 --> 00:33:09,541 [clears throat] Thingy's name... Er, Saint Bob. 559 00:33:10,341 --> 00:33:13,101 New album every Live Aid. Pro Bono. 560 00:33:13,821 --> 00:33:16,940 Always opposing those in charge? I bet you'd do better. 561 00:33:17,021 --> 00:33:20,220 Probably legalise drugs, prostitution. 562 00:33:20,301 --> 00:33:24,900 It isn't just Baghead Billy recording 50 DVDs at once. 563 00:33:26,700 --> 00:33:28,660 [Frank] Baghead Billy comes in The Jockey 564 00:33:28,740 --> 00:33:32,381 with a rucksack of pirate DVDs every Saturday. 565 00:33:32,460 --> 00:33:37,460 Often, the big boys are in on it, so they can wholesale cheaper. 566 00:33:37,541 --> 00:33:41,980 I don't think legitimate companies would deal with grey-market manufacturers! 567 00:33:42,061 --> 00:33:47,341 What? It's the same people! China, India, Philippines, Mexico... 568 00:33:47,420 --> 00:33:50,180 The lot, churned out of sweatshops. 569 00:33:50,740 --> 00:33:54,460 Little baby immigrants knitting their fingers to their widgies 570 00:33:55,261 --> 00:33:58,420 for ten pence a day, to make your handbags. 571 00:33:58,501 --> 00:34:05,061 Globalisation condemning billions to... disability and potlessness. 572 00:34:05,141 --> 00:34:06,581 You're diverting attention. 573 00:34:06,660 --> 00:34:08,260 I'm still to be convinced 574 00:34:08,340 --> 00:34:11,421 that Graeme McEwan isn't part of a wider team! 575 00:34:11,501 --> 00:34:13,421 I'm still to be convinced he is! 576 00:34:13,501 --> 00:34:16,021 [Frank] Okay. Okay. 577 00:34:16,101 --> 00:34:19,101 Let's forget the free-trade conundrum, 578 00:34:19,180 --> 00:34:23,621 and concentrate on poor Graeme, right? 579 00:34:23,700 --> 00:34:30,180 He's admitted possessing and selling counterfeit goods, and he'll be punished. 580 00:34:30,260 --> 00:34:34,260 Regarding the bigger accusation, let's suppose... 581 00:34:34,340 --> 00:34:39,780 that Graeme does know where the shirts came from. 582 00:34:39,860 --> 00:34:44,021 Even if he knew, does that mean he's closely involved 583 00:34:44,101 --> 00:34:46,820 in the workings of a bigger criminal network? 584 00:34:46,901 --> 00:34:48,101 The police say so. 585 00:34:48,180 --> 00:34:50,541 Picture the scene. 586 00:34:50,621 --> 00:34:55,260 The boss-eyed Scouser sells a fake shirt down the market 587 00:34:55,340 --> 00:34:57,541 to another lickle immigrant. 588 00:34:57,621 --> 00:35:03,501 What if the punter also knows, deep down, 589 00:35:03,581 --> 00:35:04,981 that it is a fake? 590 00:35:07,300 --> 00:35:12,981 Isn't that... some degree of culpability... 591 00:35:15,661 --> 00:35:16,860 Edith? 592 00:35:18,461 --> 00:35:19,860 I suppose. 593 00:35:19,941 --> 00:35:22,581 [Frank] Wouldn't that imply, by extension, 594 00:35:22,661 --> 00:35:25,581 that the punter who buys the shirts off Boss-Eye 595 00:35:25,661 --> 00:35:28,381 is also part of a bigger criminal network? 596 00:35:30,101 --> 00:35:37,061 What if the punter was a young woman who bought a pair of "Gucci" sunglasses, 597 00:35:37,141 --> 00:35:38,981 and she only pays 20 quid for them, 598 00:35:39,061 --> 00:35:42,221 so there's no way she could have mistaken them for the real deal? 599 00:35:42,300 --> 00:35:47,461 Does it then follow that any of these regular punters, 600 00:35:47,541 --> 00:35:50,981 or any of us who've ever bought "designer" clothes, 601 00:35:51,061 --> 00:35:56,421 you know, at a car boot, are we also members of a terrorist cell? 602 00:35:56,501 --> 00:35:58,701 Or a Colombian cartel? 603 00:35:58,780 --> 00:36:01,181 Sex-trafficking triads? 604 00:36:01,261 --> 00:36:06,461 The halting of which is a massive reason to legalise prostitution, by the way. 605 00:36:06,541 --> 00:36:12,340 Not forgetting the brand probably copied more than any other on the planet, 606 00:36:12,421 --> 00:36:16,101 the fake Louis Vuitton handbags. 607 00:36:17,741 --> 00:36:19,021 Oh! 608 00:36:19,101 --> 00:36:23,901 This is real, you stinking, smart-arsed tramp! 609 00:36:35,381 --> 00:36:36,581 Hey. 610 00:36:40,461 --> 00:36:41,701 One condition. 611 00:36:48,221 --> 00:36:49,421 Not quite. 612 00:36:53,340 --> 00:36:54,661 That's two. 613 00:37:00,661 --> 00:37:02,701 [Helen] Let's vote again, then. 614 00:37:02,780 --> 00:37:05,380 All those who think Boss-Eye's innocent. 615 00:37:10,941 --> 00:37:15,661 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight... 616 00:37:15,741 --> 00:37:17,300 nine. 617 00:37:17,380 --> 00:37:18,981 Majority! 618 00:37:19,061 --> 00:37:20,380 The Scouser's free! 619 00:37:21,221 --> 00:37:22,701 -We're free! -[Frank] Whoa, whoa! 620 00:37:22,780 --> 00:37:23,741 Hang on a minute! 621 00:37:25,061 --> 00:37:29,981 Yeah, it's coming back to me now. Something the prosecution mentioned. 622 00:37:30,061 --> 00:37:32,061 [stammering] It's a niggling doubt. 623 00:37:33,340 --> 00:37:35,501 Oh, how stupid! 624 00:37:36,541 --> 00:37:38,421 Forgot all about it. 625 00:37:39,541 --> 00:37:42,101 -I'm going to have to sleep on it. -[all sighing] 626 00:37:42,981 --> 00:37:45,181 No. Better not count mine just yet. 627 00:37:45,981 --> 00:37:47,181 Abstained! 628 00:37:56,261 --> 00:37:58,141 [Bill] What's got into you tonight? 629 00:38:08,701 --> 00:38:09,820 [moaning passionately] 630 00:38:16,261 --> 00:38:17,701 -Read it to me. -Why? 631 00:38:18,340 --> 00:38:20,421 [kiss] Just read it to me. You'll see. 632 00:38:21,421 --> 00:38:22,300 Hang on. 633 00:38:22,380 --> 00:38:23,461 Specs. 634 00:38:23,541 --> 00:38:25,581 -Since when? -Only sometimes. 635 00:38:29,860 --> 00:38:30,981 Don't you like 'em? 636 00:38:35,340 --> 00:38:36,181 [sighing] 637 00:38:36,820 --> 00:38:38,621 [boy on TV] I wanna be a cowboy! Look... 638 00:38:38,701 --> 00:38:39,541 Mum, Mum! 639 00:38:40,901 --> 00:38:42,261 [kids laughing on TV] 640 00:38:43,461 --> 00:38:47,101 [Mimi on TV] Let him join in, Shane, stop being a horror. Come on. 641 00:38:53,581 --> 00:38:55,261 -Brew? -Yeah. 642 00:39:00,621 --> 00:39:01,581 I've been thinking. 643 00:39:03,300 --> 00:39:06,221 Please mum, I know you're unhappy, but don't drag us down too. 644 00:39:06,300 --> 00:39:07,621 I've made my mind up. 645 00:39:08,300 --> 00:39:09,141 It's okay. 646 00:39:10,021 --> 00:39:10,901 What is? 647 00:39:11,901 --> 00:39:12,741 Open it. 648 00:39:17,581 --> 00:39:19,141 Me mam handed it down. 649 00:39:19,221 --> 00:39:21,300 Bits and bobs from when I was growing up. 650 00:39:22,621 --> 00:39:25,820 And I carried it on, with stuff from when you were a baby. 651 00:39:34,261 --> 00:39:36,741 I think it's time you started collecting for Katie. 652 00:39:42,181 --> 00:39:45,141 Right, here we go. Do you want a seat? What do you want? 653 00:39:45,221 --> 00:39:46,380 -Malibu and Coke. -Okay. 654 00:39:47,860 --> 00:39:51,221 Karen, pint, Malibu and Coke and an E. 655 00:40:00,581 --> 00:40:01,860 [Karen] Back room. 656 00:40:05,300 --> 00:40:06,380 Stick it on the slate. 657 00:40:11,181 --> 00:40:14,101 [chuckling] These make me want to sing and dance. 658 00:40:15,780 --> 00:40:17,661 -[glass tinkling] -Are you married, Frank? 659 00:40:19,860 --> 00:40:21,541 Yeah. 660 00:40:21,621 --> 00:40:24,221 Kind of. She might pop by later. 661 00:40:24,300 --> 00:40:26,261 -You? -Engaged. 662 00:40:26,340 --> 00:40:30,421 Hank Jake Johnson III. Never get to see him, though. 663 00:40:30,501 --> 00:40:33,621 Because of his long hours, or your courtroom fetish? 664 00:40:33,701 --> 00:40:35,380 [giggling] He's in Alabama. 665 00:40:35,461 --> 00:40:39,061 -Oh, would be. Online romance? -Just letters. 666 00:40:39,141 --> 00:40:43,421 Ah! Billet-doux! Traditional! I'm all fingers and thumbs with computers. 667 00:40:43,501 --> 00:40:46,461 Oh, I can use one. So can Hank Jake. 668 00:40:46,541 --> 00:40:49,340 He's just not allowed to, on Death Row. 669 00:40:49,421 --> 00:40:51,541 -[Helen] Oh! -[tense music] 670 00:40:52,901 --> 00:40:54,421 Isn't he handsome? 671 00:41:01,340 --> 00:41:02,261 What did he do? 672 00:41:02,340 --> 00:41:06,141 Butchered, barbecued, and ate 24 homeless homosexual junkies 673 00:41:06,221 --> 00:41:08,701 in San Francisco, over an eight-year period. 674 00:41:09,941 --> 00:41:11,380 But I know he's sorry now. 675 00:41:15,541 --> 00:41:16,581 You want another drink? 676 00:41:16,661 --> 00:41:21,221 I'm going for a candlelit vigil with the local church next month. 677 00:41:21,300 --> 00:41:23,581 Should get another postponement. [chuckling] 678 00:41:26,021 --> 00:41:28,021 -[Helen groaning] Well... -[Frank squealing] 679 00:41:33,181 --> 00:41:36,860 [door opens and closes] 680 00:41:41,981 --> 00:41:43,621 [Paddy] Did you give her the box? 681 00:41:45,261 --> 00:41:46,581 No tears? 682 00:41:48,701 --> 00:41:50,221 No painful adjustments 683 00:41:50,300 --> 00:41:52,380 of my reproductive organs being considered? 684 00:41:54,780 --> 00:41:57,221 No, she's right, Pat. And you're right. 685 00:41:58,380 --> 00:41:59,541 They need to fly. 686 00:42:01,101 --> 00:42:02,541 And I've had enough. 687 00:42:03,461 --> 00:42:04,780 Kids, that is. 688 00:42:09,261 --> 00:42:11,061 [mellow music] 689 00:42:11,141 --> 00:42:14,021 -[dog whining] -[Mimi excitedly] Aw! 690 00:42:14,901 --> 00:42:17,021 Look at you! 691 00:42:17,741 --> 00:42:20,860 -Oh! -[loud kiss] 692 00:42:22,300 --> 00:42:24,021 Guess it must be the sense of danger. 693 00:42:25,061 --> 00:42:27,061 I just love the thrill of that threat. 694 00:42:27,981 --> 00:42:29,860 Certain men exude it. 695 00:42:30,901 --> 00:42:32,061 You exude it, Frank. 696 00:42:32,860 --> 00:42:35,820 You're intelligent, but I know you're unpredictable too. 697 00:42:37,421 --> 00:42:39,860 -Thank you. -It excites me. 698 00:42:39,941 --> 00:42:42,820 It turns me on, not knowing what you're gonna do next. 699 00:42:44,981 --> 00:42:46,941 Surprise me. 700 00:42:47,021 --> 00:42:49,061 Show me something dangerous. 701 00:42:51,221 --> 00:42:53,101 -Like what? -Anything, Frank. 702 00:42:54,901 --> 00:42:55,780 Now? 703 00:42:55,860 --> 00:42:58,661 Right here, right now. Whatever you want. 704 00:42:58,741 --> 00:43:02,061 [sighing softly] Be dangerous, Frank. 705 00:43:06,860 --> 00:43:08,941 Agh! 706 00:43:09,021 --> 00:43:10,380 [Helen moans] 707 00:43:12,461 --> 00:43:16,021 Forgive me, Hank Jake, I know not what I do. 708 00:43:16,101 --> 00:43:20,021 Harder, Frank, harder! 709 00:43:20,101 --> 00:43:22,300 -Bang to rights! -[cheering] 710 00:43:22,380 --> 00:43:23,941 [laughing hysterically] 711 00:43:28,981 --> 00:43:30,981 ["Wild Thing" by The Troggs starts playing] 712 00:43:31,061 --> 00:43:32,701 [all cheering] 713 00:43:32,780 --> 00:43:34,261 [Helen squeals] 714 00:43:36,981 --> 00:43:38,061 Yeah, baby! 715 00:43:38,141 --> 00:43:40,101 [all cheering and whistling] 716 00:43:41,941 --> 00:43:43,860 [Helen squeals] 717 00:43:49,820 --> 00:43:52,461 [all cheering and whistling] 718 00:43:57,061 --> 00:43:58,780 [Frank laughs] 719 00:43:58,860 --> 00:44:00,501 [all cheering and whistling] 720 00:44:00,581 --> 00:44:02,501 [Frank shouts] Party! 721 00:44:07,501 --> 00:44:10,340 ♪ Wild thing, I think you move me ♪ 722 00:44:11,701 --> 00:44:14,380 ♪ But I wanna know for sure ♪ 723 00:44:14,461 --> 00:44:15,780 [Helen] Wohoo! 724 00:44:15,860 --> 00:44:18,621 ♪ Come on, hold me tight ♪ 725 00:44:20,181 --> 00:44:21,261 [thud] 726 00:44:21,340 --> 00:44:22,941 ♪ You move me ♪ 727 00:44:23,021 --> 00:44:24,701 [rooster] 728 00:44:25,780 --> 00:44:29,621 [Frank] So, Bob the Bullshit had a point, didn't he? 729 00:44:29,701 --> 00:44:32,340 Whether we're aware of it or not, the fact is, 730 00:44:32,421 --> 00:44:35,461 unless we're asleep, we're probably talking shit. 731 00:44:35,541 --> 00:44:37,421 I'll stay. 732 00:44:37,501 --> 00:44:38,780 Stay! 733 00:44:44,900 --> 00:44:47,820 Frank, where's your girlfriend? 734 00:44:47,900 --> 00:44:49,221 In a coma. 735 00:44:49,300 --> 00:44:50,780 All right... 736 00:44:52,501 --> 00:44:55,701 I intend to present... 737 00:44:55,780 --> 00:44:59,300 a case for the defense. 738 00:45:00,701 --> 00:45:01,900 Go on, then. 739 00:45:01,981 --> 00:45:05,621 What chance does he have in a society 740 00:45:05,701 --> 00:45:10,340 that worships material wealth to such a degree? 741 00:45:12,701 --> 00:45:17,421 It's not what's inside that counts anymore. 742 00:45:17,501 --> 00:45:22,380 How shiny you appear on the outside 743 00:45:22,461 --> 00:45:26,461 is all that matters to the youth from today. 744 00:45:26,541 --> 00:45:29,941 -Let's have a vote. -Great. 745 00:45:30,021 --> 00:45:31,421 Guilty? 746 00:45:31,501 --> 00:45:33,221 -[all] Guilty. -Yes. 747 00:45:33,300 --> 00:45:37,421 [Frank] So when somebody wants to shake on it, have this as your motto: 748 00:45:37,501 --> 00:45:39,701 Me hand's me heart, me head's me arse. 749 00:45:39,780 --> 00:45:41,181 Guilty. 750 00:45:41,261 --> 00:45:42,181 [thud] 751 00:45:42,261 --> 00:45:43,860 [people laughing] 752 00:45:43,941 --> 00:45:45,221 [theme song] 753 00:45:47,061 --> 00:45:47,941 The fuck you doing? 754 00:45:48,021 --> 00:45:51,101 I still need love. Seven kids I've given you! 755 00:45:51,181 --> 00:45:52,501 When have I ever cast it up? 756 00:45:52,581 --> 00:45:54,380 You really are a useless prick, aren't you? 757 00:45:54,461 --> 00:45:55,900 -I'm not. -You're going to lose her. 758 00:45:55,981 --> 00:45:57,941 -I can't piss. -Clinic. 759 00:45:58,021 --> 00:45:59,741 And I'm itching so much that I'm scratching myself raw. 760 00:45:59,820 --> 00:46:03,061 I do this two days a week until they can get me full-time at McDonald's. 761 00:46:03,141 --> 00:46:06,300 -What are you doing? -I am helping. 762 00:46:06,380 --> 00:46:11,141 Fine! I'll stay in, again! Like the Prisoner of fuckin' Zenda! 763 00:46:11,221 --> 00:46:12,380 -[people cheering] -[kiss] 764 00:46:12,461 --> 00:46:15,541 He's not the possessive type, if that's what you're wondering. 765 00:46:15,621 --> 00:46:16,741 I've only got chlamydia. 766 00:46:16,820 --> 00:46:18,021 [theme song] 767 00:46:59,141 --> 00:47:00,261 [knocking] 768 00:47:08,900 --> 00:47:12,661 [indistinct chattering] 769 00:47:12,741 --> 00:47:14,461 I'll take a 1,000. 770 00:47:14,541 --> 00:47:16,261 [indistinct laughing and chattering] 771 00:47:18,461 --> 00:47:22,101 -[loading gun] -[indistinct conversation] 772 00:47:24,421 --> 00:47:26,380 Go. 773 00:47:26,461 --> 00:47:29,541 Hey, what's going on? What's up with this guy? 774 00:47:29,621 --> 00:47:31,181 Crazy bastard! 85600

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