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1
00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:07,400
Oh, Corky, any new auction items?
2
00:00:07,660 --> 00:00:10,100
Oh, yeah, they've been coming in all
week. I think Saturday night's going to
3
00:00:10,100 --> 00:00:10,979
a big success.
4
00:00:10,980 --> 00:00:14,320
Oh, now, keep in mind, I am particularly
interested in anything from Tipper
5
00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:16,320
Gore, Liddy Dole, or Patsy Mink.
6
00:00:17,140 --> 00:00:20,100
Powerful women, demeaning nicknames. The
lure is irresistible.
7
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:24,100
Okay. Ever since I started tagging
items, you've been buzzing around me
8
00:00:24,100 --> 00:00:25,180
flies around a fish head.
9
00:00:25,420 --> 00:00:28,000
You're going to be there, aren't you?
Oh, no, no, no, no. I can't.
10
00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:30,920
Auctions bring out the compulsive side
of my personality.
11
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:34,600
You know, the sound of the gavel, the
waving of the paddle, the dizzying blur
12
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:38,360
merchandise. Ooh, that bone would look
great in my bathroom.
13
00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:41,020
Wow. You really do have a problem.
14
00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:45,100
Oh, tell me about it. All I have to hear
is going once, going twice, and I get
15
00:00:45,100 --> 00:00:46,100
goosebumps.
16
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:49,500
Please come. We're raising money for the
National Zoo. All you have to do is bid
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00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:51,300
on one thing. Something you really want.
18
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:56,560
Corky, you promised me you'd have this
stuff out of here. Can't you make any
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00:00:56,560 --> 00:01:00,720
more room in your office? No, my office
is jammed. I've already got my computer
20
00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,440
resting in Socks the Cat's old litter
box.
21
00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:05,459
Really? What would something like that
go for?
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00:01:06,980 --> 00:01:07,980
Please clear a path.
23
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:09,800
Sorry.
24
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:15,220
Oh, no. Not you. Not in my chair.
25
00:01:19,470 --> 00:01:20,750
the place of work, remember?
26
00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:23,910
So how about we do something crazy like,
I don't know, work?
27
00:01:24,190 --> 00:01:24,929
Hey, guys.
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00:01:24,930 --> 00:01:27,910
Oh, great. More people. It's like a
clown car in here.
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00:01:29,070 --> 00:01:32,850
Rumor has it that Clinton himself is
going to bid on a day on the links with
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00:01:32,850 --> 00:01:35,230
Frank Fontana. Can you imagine me
playing golf with the press?
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00:01:35,450 --> 00:01:38,350
Trust me, Frank, the only reason he's
interested is because he thinks the
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00:01:38,350 --> 00:01:39,590
are stuffed with spicy pork.
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00:01:41,270 --> 00:01:42,270
Work, work, work.
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00:01:42,490 --> 00:01:45,670
Going once, going twice. Oh, goosebumps,
goosebumps.
35
00:01:47,970 --> 00:01:48,970
What's this?
36
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:52,290
Oh, the Virginia Symphony is donating a
chance for some lucky bidder to conduct
37
00:01:52,290 --> 00:01:53,290
a performance.
38
00:01:53,590 --> 00:01:57,790
Oh, well, now that's a decent item,
conducting an orchestra. I'd like to do
39
00:01:57,790 --> 00:01:59,550
that. That's a lot of power.
40
00:01:59,790 --> 00:02:01,350
Like you don't have enough power
already?
41
00:02:01,590 --> 00:02:03,010
Yeah, but I don't get to wave a little
stick.
42
00:02:03,610 --> 00:02:06,590
I want this. How about you just let me
have it?
43
00:02:07,270 --> 00:02:09,169
All right, I'll bid $20.
44
00:02:09,669 --> 00:02:12,770
$20? What's that going to buy the zoo?
One bag of monkey chow?
45
00:02:12,990 --> 00:02:17,050
No. You're bossing around 60 people and
getting applause for it. You know, I can
46
00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:18,050
see that.
47
00:02:19,020 --> 00:02:22,400
You know, it's funny. When I first got
diagnosed, I thought about all the
48
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,460
I wanted to do with the rest of my life,
like climb Mount Everest.
49
00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:29,800
But now I find that it's the personal
things I want to do. I learned the
50
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:34,980
to American Pie. I learned how to
juggle. And now, I want to conduct an
51
00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:35,980
orchestra.
52
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,880
And I hope you get the chance to do it.
I hope I can do it for $20.
53
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,080
Oh, Murphy, they dropped off your one
-day contract.
54
00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:46,640
Well, I wouldn't want to keep the boys
upstairs waiting.
55
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:50,720
And, Corky, here's my silent bid for the
autographed copy of Churchill's
56
00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:52,420
memoirs. Oh, thanks, Tim. Good luck.
57
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:55,780
Well, how did you get to do a silent
bid? Corky wouldn't let me bid ahead of
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00:02:55,780 --> 00:02:58,760
time. I won't be attending the auction
this year. Why not?
59
00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:02,300
Well, you know, Doris will be there.
She's on the board of directors for the
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00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:03,520
zoo. It's her night.
61
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:07,720
And besides, with Doris and me being
separated, it'd be awkward to be
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00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:08,740
in a social setting.
63
00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,980
You've seen each other in the last six
months, haven't you? Of course I have.
64
00:03:12,180 --> 00:03:14,720
Why, I dropped over just the other day.
We had a charming visit.
65
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:18,240
I said, here's your lady's home journal.
It was forwarded to me by mistake. And
66
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,880
she said, thank you. Would you call the
plumber? The boiler's making a gurgling
67
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:22,040
sound. It was all very pleasant.
68
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,560
This is silly. You're going. We'll go
together.
69
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:28,220
Besides, Corky's going to be doing math
in her head. That's always fun to watch.
70
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,820
Our next item, dinner with Cal Ripken,
Jr.
71
00:03:36,630 --> 00:03:40,290
Dinner with Cal Ripken Jr. I love him.
Kay, what are you doing here? I thought
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00:03:40,290 --> 00:03:43,230
you weren't going to let yourself
anywhere near this auction. I wasn't,
73
00:03:43,230 --> 00:03:45,470
I started thinking about those adorable
little zoo animals.
74
00:03:45,830 --> 00:03:49,750
Am I really doing them any good staying
at home? I was just being selfish. You
75
00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:50,750
know how I love animals.
76
00:03:51,350 --> 00:03:52,990
Sweet mother of God!
77
00:03:54,430 --> 00:03:56,230
I have got to get that big deer head.
78
00:03:57,790 --> 00:04:00,030
Kay, let's start the bidding at $250.
79
00:04:01,030 --> 00:04:02,030
$275.
80
00:04:02,230 --> 00:04:03,890
No, Kay, you can start at $250.
81
00:04:06,369 --> 00:04:09,750
300. You don't even know what sport Cal
Ripon Jr. plays.
82
00:04:10,530 --> 00:04:11,530
He's an athlete?
83
00:04:11,910 --> 00:04:12,910
400.
84
00:04:16,950 --> 00:04:20,529
Oh, Jim, here's my baton. Quick, I don't
want anybody else to bid on the
85
00:04:20,529 --> 00:04:21,529
conducting thing.
86
00:04:21,890 --> 00:04:23,690
I will not hide this for you.
87
00:04:23,990 --> 00:04:25,370
But I really want it.
88
00:04:25,750 --> 00:04:28,390
Well, then, by all means, just take it.
That's how the world works.
89
00:04:28,610 --> 00:04:31,810
Here, you want this presidential
footstool? I'll put it in my pants. Let
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00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:32,679
ahead.
91
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:33,860
All right, all right, I'll give.
92
00:04:34,220 --> 00:04:38,240
Hey, guys, guys, it's confirmed. Clinton
is bidding on me. So is Orrin Hatch.
93
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,020
There's going to be a bidding war right
down party line.
94
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:43,320
Yeah, Frank, it'll make the health care
debate look just like a pillow fight.
95
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:44,400
Jim?
96
00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:50,620
Oh, it's Doris. I'd forgotten. Green is
her color.
97
00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:54,720
Well, she's standing over there by
herself. Why don't you go over there and
98
00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:56,460
to her? Oh, I don't think so.
99
00:04:56,660 --> 00:05:00,260
Talk? to her. If you're pushing, he said
he doesn't want to. Oh, Frank, I mean,
100
00:05:00,260 --> 00:05:03,620
he's Jim, she's Doris, so they're
separated. That doesn't mean he can't
101
00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:07,160
her. Talk to her, Jim. You know you want
to. Murphy, Jim can make up his own
102
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,960
mind. No, Frank's right. It's your
decision, Jim.
103
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:12,280
Doris, hi.
104
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:14,380
Look who's here, Jim.
105
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,400
Murphy? You look great, Jim.
106
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,440
Doris? Jim.
107
00:05:24,860 --> 00:05:25,860
How nice to see you.
108
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,320
I was hoping you'd be here.
109
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:31,740
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
110
00:05:32,140 --> 00:05:33,160
Don't be. It's fine.
111
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:34,800
You always liked my eyes.
112
00:05:36,220 --> 00:05:37,219
You're looking well.
113
00:05:37,220 --> 00:05:39,460
Thank you. And you're looking very fit.
114
00:05:39,980 --> 00:05:43,740
My hotel has a health club in it. So
now, rather than not use the exercise
115
00:05:43,740 --> 00:05:46,060
bicycle in our bedroom, I don't use an
entire gym.
116
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:49,480
Here you go. Oh, thanks.
117
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:54,440
Jim, I'd like you to meet Jeffrey
Carlson. Jeffrey, Jim Dial.
118
00:05:55,130 --> 00:05:58,310
Jim Dowell, very nice to meet you. Yes,
nice to meet you, too. Yes.
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00:05:58,610 --> 00:05:59,469
Yes, it is.
120
00:05:59,470 --> 00:06:03,730
I was just keeping Doris company in your
absence, but now you're no longer
121
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:04,730
absent.
122
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,090
Doris, Jeffrey.
123
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:10,530
Who was that, Jim?
124
00:06:10,790 --> 00:06:11,910
Presumably, it's Doris' date.
125
00:06:12,570 --> 00:06:15,610
Oh, Jim, I had no idea. I would never
have sent you over there.
126
00:06:20,570 --> 00:06:22,910
Poor Doris. She looks bored out of her
mind.
127
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:25,470
And her poor date, born without a chin.
128
00:06:25,870 --> 00:06:26,870
No.
129
00:06:27,050 --> 00:06:30,570
Now, of course, it's allowed to date.
Now, what do you say we take our seats?
130
00:06:30,750 --> 00:06:33,210
Your chance to conduct an orchestra is
about to be auctioned off.
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00:06:39,270 --> 00:06:40,270
Well, no.
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00:06:40,950 --> 00:06:41,950
Nothing.
133
00:06:42,170 --> 00:06:43,170
Nothing at all.
134
00:06:43,610 --> 00:06:48,190
Next up, conductor for a day. We have an
esteemed symphony orchestra donating
135
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:49,930
time for this worthy cause.
136
00:06:50,190 --> 00:06:52,190
This is going to be so much fun. I'm
going to bid like this.
137
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:58,180
Remember, all proceeds go to the Friends
of the National Zoo. So please, think
138
00:06:58,180 --> 00:07:01,640
of the animals. Think of all the
endangered species your money will
139
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:03,560
We'll begin the bidding.
140
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:04,840
$20!
141
00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:09,620
Lucky, it's for the animals. Think of
all those cuddly pandas.
142
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,280
All right, the pandas.
143
00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:12,560
$25!
144
00:07:13,180 --> 00:07:15,680
$500! What happened to $26?
145
00:07:16,540 --> 00:07:20,500
All right, the bid stands at $500. Do I
hear $550? $550!
146
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:23,240
$550! But I get to keep the baton.
147
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,120
$600. $600? Who is doing that?
148
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:28,660
$650. $700.
149
00:07:29,060 --> 00:07:32,920
All right, this is getting ridiculous
and expensive. Time out. Murphy, there's
150
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:33,940
no time out in auction.
151
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,200
Yeah, well, there is now.
152
00:07:35,380 --> 00:07:36,840
All right, who's doing that?
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00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,620
Is it you? Because I could take you.
154
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:40,660
Is it you?
155
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,360
$700? I don't think so.
156
00:07:44,060 --> 00:07:47,500
I just want you all to know that I
really, really want to conduct this
157
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,260
orchestra. So do I.
158
00:07:53,499 --> 00:07:58,300
Olivia, we have a bid on the floor for
$700 from Olivia Newton -John.
159
00:07:58,860 --> 00:08:02,920
Murphy, I have $700 that says that I'm
going to conduct that orchestra.
160
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,620
Olivia, this is my town and my zoo.
161
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:07,520
Have you ever been to your zoo?
162
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:10,920
Oh, yeah, I must have. I remember it
smells, but it's a good smell.
163
00:08:11,140 --> 00:08:12,480
Murphy, go away.
164
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:17,080
I heard about your breast cancer. I know
you're going to be fine.
165
00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:18,900
$800.
166
00:08:19,330 --> 00:08:21,690
Thanks. So far, so good. $850.
167
00:08:21,970 --> 00:08:25,490
But nobody knows better than you that
you beat breast cancer one day at a
168
00:08:25,590 --> 00:08:26,590
You got that right.
169
00:08:26,870 --> 00:08:30,370
$900. Now you're just throwing that
grease money around.
170
00:08:33,690 --> 00:08:34,690
$900 at the bed.
171
00:08:35,049 --> 00:08:38,909
You've never forgiven me for calling
Helen Reddy Australia's songbird, have
172
00:08:40,610 --> 00:08:41,770
$1 ,000.
173
00:08:42,650 --> 00:08:43,789
$1 ,000?
174
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,470
Are you out of your mind?
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00:08:46,670 --> 00:08:49,390
$2 ,000. And that's for giving us the
Bee Gees.
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00:08:50,590 --> 00:08:54,250
$10 ,000 going once, going twice.
177
00:08:58,870 --> 00:09:00,590
Sold to Murphy Brand.
178
00:09:01,150 --> 00:09:03,110
Did you hear that? Sold to me.
179
00:09:03,330 --> 00:09:04,570
Good for you.
180
00:09:04,990 --> 00:09:08,610
I'm on the board of Friends of the
National Zoo, and nobody thought that I
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00:09:08,610 --> 00:09:10,850
ever get you to pay $2 ,000.
182
00:09:21,079 --> 00:09:24,640
All right, that was a good practice,
Bid. Now let's start the real thing.
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00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:25,920
Wait up!
184
00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:33,740
I couldn't believe all the treasures I
came back with. I like my Watergate room
185
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,540
key, but I love this.
186
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:39,980
Justice Scalia's robe. There is
something about the power of this
187
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:43,820
I was wearing it this morning while I
was trying to decide between useless and
188
00:09:43,820 --> 00:09:45,940
Rice Krispies. I went with Rice
Krispies.
189
00:09:46,590 --> 00:09:48,130
Could I have done it without the robe?
190
00:09:48,450 --> 00:09:49,450
Who knows?
191
00:09:51,070 --> 00:09:52,950
And we truly appreciate your support.
192
00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:56,250
Now, just write a check out to Friends
of the National Zoo for the amount of $6
193
00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:58,230
,000. $6 ,000?
194
00:09:58,630 --> 00:09:59,630
That's crap.
195
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:01,490
You've got to be kidding.
196
00:10:01,770 --> 00:10:05,590
No, I'm not. You bought it. Now you owe
$6 ,000, so pony up.
197
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:07,170
Okay, okay.
198
00:10:07,530 --> 00:10:08,530
Oh,
199
00:10:08,950 --> 00:10:10,130
Jim, that suit is beautiful.
200
00:10:10,450 --> 00:10:11,450
Well, thank you.
201
00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:13,170
You know what would go good with it?
202
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,690
A scarf from the Richard Gephardt
collection.
203
00:10:16,290 --> 00:10:19,170
Seventy -five bucks are your best offer.
I'm going to have to duck out of our
204
00:10:19,170 --> 00:10:20,530
meeting today. I have a lunch date.
205
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:21,750
A date?
206
00:10:22,130 --> 00:10:23,130
Really, Jim?
207
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:25,370
So that explains why you're wearing your
Christmas clothes.
208
00:10:25,610 --> 00:10:27,410
Oh, and who's the lucky young miss?
209
00:10:27,610 --> 00:10:31,290
Well, you must know I'm seeing Doris.
She phoned and... She phoned?
210
00:10:41,260 --> 00:10:44,760
I'm simply having lunch with a woman.
Let's not make more of it than it is.
211
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,080
right, Jim, I respect that.
212
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:50,320
Okay, I've pushed editing back. I've got
my first orchestra rehearsal at 1. It
213
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:53,040
shouldn't take too long, unless, of
course, they want me to tour with them.
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00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:55,680
Jim, could I see you in my office for a
second? Certainly.
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00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:04,820
Now, Jim, I know you didn't want to tell
the others about Doris because it's
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00:11:04,820 --> 00:11:07,280
none of their business. Your personal
life is your own.
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00:11:07,770 --> 00:11:09,010
So what's happening with Doris?
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00:11:09,850 --> 00:11:13,910
Our conversation didn't feel forced or
awkward. It was like old times.
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00:11:14,110 --> 00:11:15,350
Oh, Jim, that's great.
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00:11:15,650 --> 00:11:17,370
Yes, yes, it is. And do you know what
she said?
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00:11:17,770 --> 00:11:21,410
She said that seeing me at the auction
made her realize that we were being
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00:11:21,410 --> 00:11:23,570
foolish to let this continue on like
this.
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00:11:23,790 --> 00:11:27,790
Oh, Jim, I always knew you'd get back
together again. No, no, it's not
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00:11:27,890 --> 00:11:32,010
but it's pretty great, isn't it? Oh,
yes, it is great. The two of you back
225
00:11:32,010 --> 00:11:33,010
together again.
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00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:37,110
Lately, it's been hard to believe in
happy endings, but I've always believed
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00:11:37,110 --> 00:11:41,660
you. Oh, she's here. Right on time.
That's my Doris. Always punctual. That's
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00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:42,499
I married her.
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00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:46,040
Well, punctuality and the fact that she
can eat an entire Cornish game hen
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00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,140
without disturbing the carcass.
231
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:49,860
Yes, she's quite a dame.
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00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:51,560
You don't want to keep her waiting.
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00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:52,880
Thank you, Slugger.
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00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:53,900
Thank you.
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00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:02,320
Doris, welcome.
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00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,180
Thanks. Jim, these offices are gorgeous.
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00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,120
And is that a cappuccino machine?
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00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:08,700
Yes, I drink them now.
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00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:12,840
Hi, Doris. Oh, Murphy, you look
wonderful.
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00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:16,700
Oh, I appreciate it, and thank you for
your note of support. Oh, anything I can
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00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:17,700
do. Thank you.
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00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:18,780
Doesn't Jim look great?
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00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:22,620
He looks great when he's cleaning the
rain gutters. No, no, ladies, I'm in the
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00:12:22,620 --> 00:12:23,620
room.
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00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:26,840
You two have a nice long lunch. We will.
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00:12:27,660 --> 00:12:29,000
Oh, and good luck with the rehearsal.
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00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:30,300
Yeah, see you.
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00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:35,860
I've made reservations at Rive Gauche.
You still like French food? Of course.
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00:12:36,350 --> 00:12:38,710
You know, seeing you Saturday night was
such a treat.
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00:12:39,810 --> 00:12:40,810
For me as well.
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00:12:41,250 --> 00:12:42,250
Shall we?
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00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:47,590
Now, I was afraid it was going to be
tense, but once again, you put me
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00:12:47,590 --> 00:12:51,790
completely at ease. And you were so
right on the phone. It's foolish to go
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00:12:51,790 --> 00:12:55,270
like this. Oh, I'm glad you feel the way
I do. Oh, absolutely. We're on the same
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00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:56,890
page. Oh, good. I'm so relieved.
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00:12:57,250 --> 00:12:59,670
Sometimes these things can drag on
forever. Oh, yeah.
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00:12:59,950 --> 00:13:02,950
This way we can just file for divorce
and move on with our lives.
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00:13:04,410 --> 00:13:05,410
Yes, divorce.
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00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:07,500
You took the words right out of my
mouth.
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00:13:08,380 --> 00:13:09,380
Divorce.
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00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,020
Good afternoon.
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00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,740
I'm Murphy Brown, and I'm going to be
your conductor.
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00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,420
So, all aboard!
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00:13:30,670 --> 00:13:34,330
a little play on words, you know,
because there's conductor toot -toot and
265
00:13:34,330 --> 00:13:36,250
there's conductor ba -ba -ba -ba.
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00:13:39,750 --> 00:13:42,330
Excuse me. Excuse me.
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00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:46,850
How do I get them to pay attention?
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00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,610
Tap the baton. Oh, really?
269
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,270
Wow. This really works.
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00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:02,640
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very excited
about Friday night. I think we're going
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00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:06,500
to have a lot of fun, but we better get
started because you have a lot of
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00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:07,500
rehearsing to do.
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00:14:10,060 --> 00:14:11,060
Excuse me.
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00:14:11,540 --> 00:14:17,240
We do this a lot, you know, donate our
services to a worthy cause, so we're
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00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:20,100
pretty used to amateurs stepping onto
the podium.
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00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,620
Really? Good. So then how does it work?
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00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:27,700
Well, the way it works is, we play a
familiar Mozart piece, you wave your
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00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:32,520
around, and then you take a bow, and
everybody will cheer your musical
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00:14:34,020 --> 00:14:38,060
Well, sounds like somebody woke up on
the sarcastic side of his bed this
280
00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:39,060
morning.
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00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,920
And which piece of Mozart will I be
conducting?
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00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,920
Eine kleine Nachtmusik.
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00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:45,240
Hmm?
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00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:47,280
You know.
285
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:50,640
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum. Ow!
286
00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:54,400
Oh, right, of course. I thought you said
Nick Laman Flockmussen.
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00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,380
Open your music, please.
288
00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:01,020
Excuse me.
289
00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:05,460
We normally don't use music for our
celebrity conductors.
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00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:07,300
Well, that's a little sloppy, isn't it?
291
00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:12,140
No, it's not sloppy. You see, we're
playing music that we're familiar with.
292
00:15:12,420 --> 00:15:14,040
Oh, forget it. Open your music.
293
00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:16,220
Doesn't have to be right. Side up.
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00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,800
Let's take it from the top. I always
wanted to say that.
295
00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:36,860
Stop it!
296
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:37,900
Stop it!
297
00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:39,580
What just happened?
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00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,980
You tell me. What does the music say?
299
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:47,100
Touché. As you may have surmised, I
don't read music.
300
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,900
Well, if you like, I'll wait while you
learn.
301
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:54,900
It only took me 12 years of private
lessons, six years of Juilliard, but I'm
302
00:15:54,900 --> 00:15:56,000
sure you can pick it up in an afternoon.
303
00:15:56,340 --> 00:15:59,820
How hard could it be? Mickey Mouse did
it in Fantasia, and he only had four
304
00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:00,820
fingers.
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00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:06,780
I paid for the chance to conduct an
orchestra, and that's what I'm going to
306
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:11,600
This means a lot to me for a lot of
personal reasons. So I'm going to lead,
307
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:15,080
you're going to follow, and in the words
of that great philosopher, Pepe Le Pew,
308
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:17,160
we're going to make beautiful music
together.
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00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:19,520
Okay.
310
00:16:20,660 --> 00:16:21,960
You heard the conductor.
311
00:16:22,700 --> 00:16:24,280
She's in complete control.
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00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,000
Leave it.
313
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:56,480
I'm really going to do that.
314
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,600
Frank?
315
00:17:00,660 --> 00:17:02,040
Frank, where are you mumbling?
316
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,119
March 23rd, 2003.
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00:17:04,660 --> 00:17:08,540
That's the first open golf date the
president has. Only then, he won't be
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00:17:08,540 --> 00:17:11,960
president. He'll be the ex -president.
You know, if I wanted to play golf with
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00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:15,099
retired guy, I would have asked my
father. Only then, after the round, my
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00:17:15,099 --> 00:17:16,180
would have watched my golf flows.
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00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:21,880
Anybody hungry for Italian?
322
00:17:22,220 --> 00:17:23,300
Hey, look at this.
323
00:17:23,589 --> 00:17:26,470
Murphy, you finished editing in record
time. You'll be able to tweak in that
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00:17:26,470 --> 00:17:28,230
last rehearsal before your big concert
tonight.
325
00:17:28,530 --> 00:17:29,530
Your subject.
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00:17:29,830 --> 00:17:31,510
Oh, how come?
327
00:17:33,290 --> 00:17:37,530
It's a joke. I'm not really conducting.
I'm drying my nails in front of a band
328
00:17:37,530 --> 00:17:38,610
playing German music.
329
00:17:39,510 --> 00:17:41,350
Look on the bright side.
330
00:17:41,630 --> 00:17:44,050
At least the auction got Jim and Doris
back together.
331
00:17:44,410 --> 00:17:49,490
I mean, maybe it's a good omen for us
all. But let's face it, bad marriage
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00:17:49,490 --> 00:17:51,370
has put a curse on us at FYI.
333
00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:55,930
Well, I had a great marriage. Murphy, it
ended five days later. Nothing lasts
334
00:17:55,930 --> 00:17:56,930
forever.
335
00:17:58,230 --> 00:18:02,510
Well, I know I kid a lot, but my first
marriage was the greatest thing that
336
00:18:02,510 --> 00:18:03,670
happened, ever, to anybody.
337
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:08,330
Really? We got married the day after we
graduated high school. We backpacked
338
00:18:08,330 --> 00:18:09,269
through Europe.
339
00:18:09,270 --> 00:18:12,530
Oh, we had some extraordinary times.
340
00:18:13,410 --> 00:18:15,370
Kay, I never heard this story.
341
00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:16,970
What happened to him?
342
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:18,530
He died.
343
00:18:20,110 --> 00:18:21,110
Vietnam.
344
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:22,320
Okay, I had no idea.
345
00:18:22,580 --> 00:18:25,580
Okay, um... No, no, it was a long, long
time ago.
346
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:28,720
Well, I mean, what was his name?
347
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,760
Charles, Charlie. He had the biggest
heart, the broadest shoulders.
348
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:35,620
He also had a small head. I made him
wear hats.
349
00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:37,900
Good thing he had big ears.
350
00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:42,140
So, see, I know that some marriages do
work.
351
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,320
Well, that's Jim and Doris. You bet it
is.
352
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:47,540
I'll see you later at the concert,
Murphy.
353
00:18:47,740 --> 00:18:48,740
Yeah.
354
00:18:51,020 --> 00:18:51,819
Hey, Jim.
355
00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:56,120
Murphy? Hey, Jim, how about you and
Doris join me for dinner after the
356
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:59,240
tonight? It'll be your treat. It'll be
your way of thanking me for getting you
357
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:00,240
and Doris back together.
358
00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:06,620
Um, look, Slugger, I've been hiding it
all week. Maybe it was my pride or... or
359
00:19:06,620 --> 00:19:10,080
it was the fact that you were so hopeful
about it, but I just couldn't tell you.
360
00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:11,820
Doris wants a divorce.
361
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:14,500
No.
362
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,000
You... you can't do this.
363
00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:18,920
I need the two of you together.
364
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,560
You're the one stable force I have.
365
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,740
How dare you put me in this position? I
can't live my life for you.
366
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:26,680
Oh.
367
00:19:27,660 --> 00:19:28,559
I'm sorry.
368
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:29,560
No, I'm sorry, Jim.
369
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:31,780
This is what Doris wants?
370
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,540
Oh, is this what you want?
371
00:19:35,460 --> 00:19:36,840
Yeah. No.
372
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,480
I've loved Doris more than half my life.
373
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,580
Well, then fight for her, Jim. Win her
back.
374
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,079
It's too late.
375
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:48,340
Do whatever it takes. Send her flowers,
write poetry, tell her what's in your
376
00:19:48,340 --> 00:19:49,340
heart.
377
00:19:49,470 --> 00:19:50,470
Well, we'll see.
378
00:19:51,370 --> 00:19:53,190
Oh, just don't leave it too long, Jim.
379
00:19:53,630 --> 00:19:58,590
At a certain point in life, you realize
that all the time in the world isn't all
380
00:19:58,590 --> 00:19:59,590
that long.
381
00:20:00,190 --> 00:20:01,230
You think I can do it?
382
00:20:03,050 --> 00:20:06,750
I'm going to win my wife back, and I'm
going to start by buying every single
383
00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:08,070
rose in the District of Columbia.
384
00:20:10,790 --> 00:20:11,790
Jim,
385
00:20:17,370 --> 00:20:18,370
wait up.
386
00:20:20,590 --> 00:20:22,250
Some magic wand you got there.
387
00:20:29,590 --> 00:20:29,990
Are
388
00:20:29,990 --> 00:20:37,710
you
389
00:20:37,710 --> 00:20:38,710
sure about this?
390
00:20:38,810 --> 00:20:41,690
Trust me, this is one piece of music I
know better than you.
391
00:21:04,590 --> 00:21:05,590
What you want?
392
00:21:06,350 --> 00:21:07,590
Baby, I got it.
393
00:21:08,470 --> 00:21:09,490
What you need?
394
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:11,910
Uh -huh, I got it.
395
00:21:12,790 --> 00:21:16,470
All I'm asking for is a little bit.
396
00:21:16,690 --> 00:21:18,090
You know what I am talking about?
397
00:21:18,830 --> 00:21:19,890
Give it to me, baby.
30379