All language subtitles for Murphy Brown s10e03 Ectomy, Schmectomy

Previously on Murphy Brown.

Dr. Gaddis, Murphy Brown.

I don't understand.

Is an appointment really necessary?

Can't you just give me the results over
the phone?

Doctor?

Uh, never mind. I guess you already
have.

What just happened here, Merv? What's
going on?

The mammogram I had yesterday, Frank.

They found something.

There wasn't supposed to be anything.

But it is.

Morning, GM. What's got you glued to the
tube?

I'm watching the satellite feed from New
York.

Dan Rather's cowlick is standing at full
attention. He has a news brief in two

minutes. They're friends.

Uh -huh. Let's start the story meeting.
They grant everything. Water, gel,

mousse. Uh -oh, here comes a big gun.
Aquanet.

Look at the size of that kid.

They're going to open a new hole in the
ozone layer.

You know the rules, Jim. No TV until
after the story meeting. Look, it's

to blow.

Going, going.

Yes, it's a blue alfalfa.

Jim!

And where's everybody else?

Well, we know Murphy's not here yet. She
always drills little pencil holes in

the doughnuts until she strikes jelly.

And I didn't see Frank's car in his
space when I pulled in this morning.

They were going to join us last night at
Build, but they never showed up.

That is weird.

So, am I the only one who's going to say
it out loud?

What do you mean?

You know, best friend, the late night,
the quiet office, the gesture of a

their eyes meet, a moment of blurred
vision, their hearts beat as one, a

ignites, the flame of passion, and
then... So you're saying that neither

you has a dirty part of your brain that
you peek into every once in a while?

I'd rather picture my cousin Austin and
his relationship with Luann.

Who's Luann? Another cousin?

No, his pet pig.

He'd always drag out all her blue
ribbons like that was going to make it

okay.

Oh, you didn't mention she was a contest
winner, Austin.

Sweet mother of God, how many of those
stories could you possibly have left?

Okay. You obviously don't know Murphy
and Frank very well. There's no way they

would sacrifice their friendship for a
little roll in the hay.

Look at that. It's a whole barnyard
theme this morning. All right, fine. Get

away, you smutty little thought
balloons.

Shoo, shoo.

All right,

something came in over the wire this
morning about another military base

closing, and I... Hi. Hi.

Oh, look who's here. Hey, kid.

And practically coming in together,
Murphy and Frank. Together, but not

Any particular reason why you're both
late this morning, Murphy and Frank?

My filling fell out.

Really?

Taylor, I'll be right back. I'm just
going to check my mail.

Damn, I keep forgetting it's over here
now.

I'm going to help her check her mail.

How you doing?

Did you get any sleep?

Oh, about 20 minutes. How about you?

I never even made it home.

When I left your place, when was it,
around 3? I just drove and drove. I went

around the Beltway twice.

You know, Frank, it was great of you to
be there with me last night.

Boys, you get hit with something like
this, and, well, it's great to have

someone who understands your shorthand.
You know, someone who understands what

you're going to say without making you
say it. You know, I keep thinking, I

just... I can't stand by and let this
happen to you, so I have made a

I'm going to quit my job and take care
of you. I'm going to make you well

I just know I can do it.

Oh, Frank, I appreciate this thought and
everything, but I'm not going to let

you take care of me.

You can't take care of your own socks.

Next summer, they'll find me stuck
behind the cushion on the couch.

You always think you can handle
everything by yourself.

Because I can.

No, you can't, and I'm not going to let
you shut me out. I was just wanting

something as long as you come and say,
hey, what do you think I was doing? I

like I would.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's just that it's barely been 12
hours. I just need to stand back and get

perspective on it. Look, I understand
that, but this is no time to dawdle.

is cancer.

It's cancer, and you're...

You know, in your boobie, Frank.

Well, actually, I was going to say ta
-ta.

Oh,

it can't be possible.

Murphy and Frank can't be.

And I suppose it's just some crazy
coincidence that Frank is wearing the

clothes he was wearing yesterday?

I'm not convinced they're the same.
There are a thousand shades of gray.

That's the beauty of gray.

You know, I once spent a Christmas
season working as a store detective at

Macy's. P .S. Never date a Santa.

I became a keen observer of human
behavior. In my year here, I have yet to

Frank wear the same clothes two days in
a row.

You know, he has 37 pairs of shoes.

That's more than I have.

By five.

I'd rather picture my parents on
Christmas morning doing it in a crash in

of the Walmart.

Is there no relief from you?

Look, I can't talk about this anymore,
Frank. Shouldn't we get to the story

meeting? Wait, are you going to tell the
guys?

No, it's too soon.

Oh, come on, Murph. They should know.
They're your friends. They love you.

And besides, I might need someone to
talk to.

Okay, Frank, we'll tell them, but that's
it.

Thanks.

God, they are sleeping together. I hope
Frank doesn't feel the need to talk

about it like he does with everything
else. There's nothing to talk about.

They're not having an affair, and that's
all there is to it.

Guys, um, Murphy and I need to talk to
you about something. Could you come

inside for a sec, please?

Sure.

Dear Lord.

It's the third sign of the apocalypse.

Woman's gonna eat him alive.

I bet he cried afterwards.

Okay, here's the deal.

I just thought all of you should know
the mammogram that I had yesterday,

was something on it. Murphy has breast
cancer.

And you slept with her?

Murphy! Oh, I'm so sorry.

Thanks, Jim.

You know, you shouldn't even be at work
today. You said you're going to be

taking more time off.

I told you last night that's the last
thing I want.

Whatever you need, you've got.

In a couple of minutes, I'm going to
need a neck brace, Corky.

Oh, I'm just afraid, but if I let go,
I'll just fall to pieces.

I'm willing to take that chance.

don't we start the story meeting because
i've got a doctor's appointment in a

couple of hours everything's going to be
fine i made it through bosnia beirut

and avery's second grade production of
showboat i can make it through this

go good idea sweater i

want you to know

Hey, Murphy.

Now, look, I'm no babe in the woods
here. I've got too many friends who've

through this, and I've read more than my
share of reports on this disease, so

let's just cut to the chase. I've got a
two -centimeter tumor. The question on

the table is, do I get a lumpectomy or
just go ahead and remove the entire

breast?

Did you say hello?

Hi, Nancy. How are you doing? Fine.

How's the new house coming? Great. I
finally found the tile for my upstairs

bath.

You don't really care, do you?

Oh, I really wish I did.

Okay.

Just jump ahead a little bit.

Yes. You have a two -centimeter lesion,
which is not huge, but it's not small

either.

All right, I'm thinking about the
mastectomy. Just lop it off, end of

I'll have a much higher chance of
survival, right?

Not necessarily.

Okay, so then I should have the lump
back to me, just take out the bad and

the good? Is that my best course of
action?

Not necessarily.

Well, what do we do now? We already
covered Hello and your remodel.

I have new pictures of my grandkids.

They went to Epcot.

Listen, Murphy, this morning I did some
research and found the most recent

studies. From what I saw...

There is no difference in survival rates
between those women who've had

lumpectomies and those who have chosen
to have mastectomies.

Well, they can't be the same.

I mean, one's got to be better than the
other, even if it's by just this much.

You know, the crazy thing, Nancy, is I
don't feel sick at all. In fact, I feel

great. I'm in the best shape I've ever
been.

Last Tuesday, I chased Alan Greenspan
around the Federal Reserve Building.

They've got marble floors. It's like
running on sand.

Still, I nailed him hiding behind the
penny sorter.

How could I be sick? This just doesn't
make any sense.

It never does.

You know, I had a dream last night.

Avery and I were rushing out of the
townhouse. We got outside. There was

gigantic body of water in front of the
house. So, I don't know, we were in a

hurry. I didn't know what else to do, so
I parted it.

Avery was so proud of me.

And Moses was there. He was getting into
his car or something, and he said, wow.

How about that?

I impressed Moses.

That is a great attitude.

Murphy, you have to remember, breast
cancer is doable, okay?

Okay, so it's doable.

Now, I've got to consult a breast
surgeon and who else? A medical

surgical oncologist, a surgical
pathologist, and maybe a hairdresser.

fullness around your face. It's just me,
I know.

Most women still get total mastectomy as
their initial treatment for breast

cancer. But total mastectomy is a
misnomer because we can never be certain

that... Well, only 30 % of women with
breast cancer need mastectomy.

...mastectomy, which requires several
weeks of radiation. There are two types

chemotherapy. Some experts say a woman
in her... Stop

it! Stop it! Stop it! I've had just
about enough of this! I don't have any

answers and have to...

give me contradicts itself.

Nurse. How is anybody supposed to know
what the hell to do? Where's the black

white, the right or wrong, the yes or
no? Nurse.

Here's an idea, Doc. We put all of you
guys in one big arena, send out for a

of Chinese food, and lock the doors.
Nobody comes out until you come up with

definitive course of treatment so that
people like me know exactly what to do.

Nurse. You know, I've still got a lot of
things on my to -do list, Doc, so can

you at least tell me this? If I buy
green bananas, will I still be around to

them ripen?

Oh, Jim, I'm sorry I skipped out on the
story meeting, but I had all these

doctors to see this morning. I'm telling
you, I've seen every doctor in the

District of Columbia, and not one of
them validates. Oh, doctors, well, the

story meeting went very well. Of course,
that Corky is an impeccable source in

the FDA.

And Kay has some great ideas about
graphics. I'd tell you more about them,

don't want to steal her thunder.
Goodbye.

Not now, Corky.

Ah, Murph, how did it go? What did the
doctor say?

Oh, they said a lot and they didn't say
anything.

It's like following the Whitewater money
trail.

I've got all this information and I
don't know what the hell to do with it.

so, uh, I guess this is a bad time to
show you all this breast cancer research

hanging off the internet.

Right. And, uh, here, I got it from
Georgetown University Hospital.

You know, this disease isn't going to
kill me. I'm going to die under an

avalanche of brochures and pamphlets and
print out some graphs.

So I guess you really don't want to see
the slideshow, huh?

Thank you for your help in this
decision, but right now I'm kind of

toward eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Listen,
everything I read says that before you

decide between a lumpectomy and a
mastectomy, you should consult a

reconstructive surgeon. Now, I've gone
over it, and I've got the name of the

best breast man in Washington. House or
Senate?

I'm serious, and we can go this
afternoon, and I'll go with you.

I can't do that. I've got work to do.
I'm so behind. Can't we talk about this

tomorrow? Well, tomorrow would be too
late, but now would work.

What do you mean, now would work?

Well, I sort of made an appointment for
you.

We better get going pretty soon. As a
matter of fact, we should go right now.

You see, it's the doctor's anniversary,
and he's staying late because it's you.

Go on.

Well, I...

I sort of promised him an autographed
picture of you for his wife. But lucky

us, he didn't get her a present yet.

She's a huge fan.

So I sort of promised her that you'd
give her a tour of the studio.

On a Saturday.

And your wife's name is what again?

Rosemary. But Rose is fine.

I call her Rose.

Just right, Rose.

Looking forward to meeting you on
Saturday.

There you go.

Thank you.

Now, Murphy, I want you to know, if you
choose a mastectomy, there have been

incredible advances in breast
reconstruction.

Besides prosthetic devices, we can use a
woman's own body fat to reconstruct a

breast. Body fat?

That is if I had any.

Okay.

May I say something?

Murphy is about to embark on a journey
of self -discovery.

If she should decide to pursue the
option of mastectomy, it's very

her that she feel no less of a woman.

Because for women, the breast means so
much.

It is perhaps the most symbolic of all
the female...

Extremities.

Really, Frank? You've given this a great
deal of thought, haven't you?

Oh, yeah.

You should know that prosthetic devices
can provide a great deal of latitude.

Let me show you what I'm talking about.
I think you'll be quite impressed.

Hey there, party doll. Come here often?

to be out any second. Well, come on.
Isn't this symbolic? Doesn't she have a

nice set of symbols?

Put that down.

What's the matter, Frank? Would you be
more comfortable with a two -drink

minimum and a $10 cover charge?

You are playing very fast and loose with
someone else's breasts.

There we go, Murphy.

And keep in mind, you have the option of
going up a cup size or two.

Well, what do you think, Frank? Should I
go with Demi Moore or Elsie the cow?

As you can see, they are very realistic
to the touch.

It's okay. You can squeeze it.

Let me show you some examples of my
work.

Oh, wow.

Look at that.

Hey, these are great.

Hey, Murph, those would go great with
your blue dress.

Now, don't be too hard on him.

If I had a dime for every man who made a
fool of himself over press.

Well, actually, I do.

How are you doing?

How am I doing?

Spinning off the planet.

lumpectomy, mastectomy. I mean, I like
my breasts fine, but they're not worth

dying over.

I hear you.

They're just breasts. It's not like they
do anything. They can't read. They

can't clean the bathtub.

I did use them once to steer my car over
the 14th Street Bridge.

Oh, I slipped into a pair of pantyhose.

Although I did hit the guardrail twice,
so I'm not sure how vital they are.

Well, think about what you're saying,
ladies. You may not want to admit it,

but... You use them a lot more than you
think.

Oh, I don't know about that. I'm past my
childbearing years. I don't date that

much. I'll probably never get married.

Now, Murphy, there's always ho.

That's just the cancer talking.

Shut up, cancer.

You know, Corky might be right.

I do occasionally use them, like, you
know, in a restaurant trying to get a

better table.

Oh, excuse me, sir.

Is that table available over there?

How about that booth over there?

Susan and Sharon.

My breasts.

Susan and Sharon.

I named them after the twins Hayley
Mills plays in The Parrot Trap.

I'm sure you have never used Woodward
and Bernstein to get anything.

Come on, Murphy. We all know how men
respond to them. It's primal. Well,

no denying they do have a certain effect
on men.

I remember once I went to a press club
dinner. I was surrounded by Henry

Kissinger, Oliver Stone, Arthur
Schlesinger, and four of the 12

walked on the moon. I had them eating
out of my hand. They were just hanging

my every word. Then Anna Nicole Smith
walked in, and I practically heard their

vertebrae snap as they swung around to
get a look at them.

When she asked Kissinger what it was
like on the moon, I took my leave.

You know, someday soon, there's going to
be a woman president.

But I bet she won't be flat -chested.

I guess the Secret Service won't have to
worry about her drowning.

Yeah, her slogan would be, you voted for
boobs before, now get the real thing.

Well, I don't know if any of this has
helped you, Murphy. It hasn't.

Just trust your instincts.

They've always been true.

I don't know.

It can't come down to vanity.

what men think or how you look in a
bathing suit. God knows that's the

thing from my mind.

But I've got a life, a son, and a
mortgage, and I'd like to be around for

three.

I've got two options, and they both
stink, but I've got to choose one.

So I've got to choose the one that gives
me the most hope.

I'll tell you what, sis. What if, in an
act of solidarity, we each make a big

decision, too?

Oh, I like that, Kay.

All right, I'm going to make a decision.
Here goes.

I'm 35 years old.

I don't have any children.

I'm on my second marriage.

My husband lives in another city.

So, even though it goes against
everything my family believes in, I'm

therapy.

I'm going to do whatever it takes to get
myself together.

If it takes going five or six times, so
be it.

Your turn, Kay.

All right, I'm going to leave Mr.

Woo. Who? Woo. Who's Woo?

Lou Woo.

He's the man I've been involved with for
a very long time, and I'm sick of his

mind games.

It's time to end it.

Oh, I feel like a yoke's been lifted
from my neck.

Good, good for you, Kate. Oh, and
listen, by the way, here's Lou's card,

He's an excellent psychiatrist.

And giving him a referral will soften
the blow of my leaving.

Can I get you ladies anything else?

I'll have a decaf coffee.

Regular coffee, slice of peach pie.

How about you? Have you made up your
mind?

I'm going to have to go on back to me.

We've got 20 seconds to air. Don't tell
me you can't get this clump of hair

done. Hurry, hurry.

No brothers watching me on the feed.

You'd use the gel, the spray, the non
-dairy creamer, anything.

Is there a glue gun backstage?

No time, no time.

Go tighter.

Go tighter.

Good evening, this is Jim Dial, and
welcome to FYI.