All language subtitles for Murphy Brown s09e10 Nobodys Perfect

Well, well, what have we here?

My crack news team hard at work an hour
early, and the boys in the lab said

those miracle work pills weren't ready
for human testing.

Ashley Kay, we're just here trying to
get some work done before Frank shows up

and starts talking our ears off about
how great his girlfriend is. Oh, that's

right. Frank's not here.

I'll just have to up his dosage.

It's really getting quite annoying.

Ever since Frank rekindled his romance
with his college sweetheart, it's been

Dana this and Dana that.

Remember the good old days when all we
had to do was listen to Frank complain

about not having a life?

Do you know that yesterday he actually
followed me into the ladies' room just

give me a rundown of all the pet names
she has for him? I know. I was the one

flushing over and over again so I
wouldn't have to hear anything past

Tushy.

Jeez, it's Trishy Boy. Hey, guys.

I had the most unbelievable night last
night. Do you want to hear about it? No,

the chair. No, no, no, no, no. It's
really great.

I'm on the phone with the director of
the CIA talking about this undercover

piece I'm working on. Oh, this is about
work? Oh, go ahead. Great.

So, I'm on the phone.

I look up, and the fluorescent light is
hitting Dana's head. It's just killing

me.

Murph, can I have a word with you?

Sure, Frank. As long as that word isn't
Dana.

Well, it was going to be, but I guess it
doesn't matter.

Murph, I've never been this much in love
before, so I think I'm going to have to

break up with her.

God, I hate when you do this. I tell you
I don't want to hear you talk about

something, and then you say something so
bizarre that I want to hear more.

All right, in ten words or less, tell me
why you want to break up with Dana.

Well, Murph, she's smart.

pretty, so I don't see any point in us
going on.

Okay, a little bit more.

Well, lately she's been dropping hints
about us moving in together, and I...

commitment. Gotcha.

Okay, you can go now.

I don't know what to do, Murph. I'm
crazy about her, but I'm just not sure.

No, really, it's okay. You can go. Bye
-bye.

I want to do the right thing, but I
think maybe I'm a little too close to

situation, so I was wondering, maybe...

Maybe you could go out to lunch with
Dana and then after you could come back

tell me what you think.

Okay, I'll do that. Really?

Yeah, only do we have to have lunch?

Maybe we could go to Vermont for a week,
you know.

Do each other's hair, take long walks in
the woods.

Put the hibernating bear with a sharp
stick so he can put me out of my misery.

Why don't you help me with this? I
thought you were my friend.

I am your friend, Frank, but I've been
through these lunch tests with some of

your other women before, and they're
always a disaster.

Or did you forget Sarah?

Oh, come on. She wasn't that bad.

Frank, she asked me to stop at a
convenience store, and then she jumps in

car, throws a ski mask and 20 cartons of
cigarettes in the back, and tells me to

gun it.

I am just asking you for one lunch.
Please, Murph, please.

Okay. Great.

But I'm warning you, she so much as
looks at me funny, I'm carrying pepper

and I'm not afraid to use it. Hey, you
don't have to tell me. I was with you

when you bought the stuff. The last
thing I remember hearing was, hey,

think fast.

Come on, Murph, would you put this away?
Dana's going to be here any minute.

Look, Frank, I don't even know why we're
doing this. I can tell you exactly how

it's going to go.

I have lunch with her. I tell you I
don't like her. You ignore me. Then

weeks later, she dumps you. I tell you
there's plenty of other fish in the sea.

You feel better. Then you loan her $3
,000 in a desperate attempt to sleep

her one last time.

So can I go?

Yeah.

Sure, you can go.

I mean, why should I expect any
happiness in this nutty, mixed -up,

of a world we live in?

frank not the nutty mixed up crazy quote
of a world speech all right

i'll do it i'm there for you because
bottom line i'm your friend and you know

you can always depend on me okay miss
brown i think i got the signal down you

give me one of these and i run over and
tell you the joint chiefs of staff just

called they need you at the pentagon
right away that was just a joke oh

dana hi

Uh, Dana, you remember Murphy?

Yes, of course. Hi, Murphy. Hi, Dana.

Now, Murph, make sure you put this on my
tab, huh?

Don't worry, Frank. You'll definitely be
paying for this.

Wow, I'm glad that we finally get a
chance to do this. It feels great to get

spend a little time together.

Yeah. Could you order? It's not that I'm
in a hurry or anything, but the veggie

platter is great. Everything is pre
-cut. Hey, can we order? Oh, before I

forget, I brought you something. You
don't have a snake in there, do you?

Because I've been down that road before.

No, it's something that I thought you
might like.

Oh.

Oh, the collectible Thurber.

Oh, this is great.

But it's a first edition.

Wow, where did you get this?

Well, I work at an antique bookstore.

Oh, well... Well, this is terrific.

Thank you. And the best part is it
doesn't have to be detonated in an open

by a squad of demolition experts.

It doesn't, does it?

Well, that all depends on how you feel
about Thurber.

Well, this is very thoughtful. Thank
you.

I have to say, you're really not
anything like the other women Frank has

Frank's not like anyone I've ever dated
either. He's very special.

Yeah, he sure is.

You know, I have to admit I was a little
nervous.

You know, your opinion means so much to
Frank. And if that's not pressure

enough, how about having lunch with a
woman who's one of the top reporters in

all of journalism?

Oh, well.

You know, Frank's very lucky to have a
friend like you.

I remember his best friend from college
was so selfish and egotistical and self

-absorbed. Well,

he's come a long, long way.

Now, when you say top reporter, you're
talking living or dead, right?

Junior said they left two hours ago.
Something is bad here. Something is very

bad. Oh, come now.

Frank, Dana's with Murphy. What's the
worst that could possibly happen?

You call the emergency rooms. I'll
telephone the police. Frank, do you have

piece of Dana's clothing for the dogs to
sniff?

I know.

By the time, what's not seen like the
thing to do? But how cool could it have

really been if Shauna not played there?
And country doing the fishing. What was

that?

Where have you two been? I have been
worried sick about you. Oh, gee, Dad,

didn't we get the car back on time?

We were just doing a little shopping. We
didn't mean to worry you, smushy

-tushy. A little shopping? Don't be so
modest, Dana. At one point in

Bloomingdale's, we had so many
commissioned salespeople following her

thought we'd have to get a parade
permit.

You can really throw the plastic around,
little lady.

Oh, go on. Well, I better get back to
work if I'm going to pay for all this.

Oh, Murphy, any time you want to do this
again, just give me... Right -a

-rooney. Thanks, Dana. It was fun.

Shopping, giggling, right -a -rooney.

I've never seen her could be a
girlfriend before.

It's kind of spooky.

Indeed. It's one of those things you
know is entirely possible, yet when it

happens, your mind simply screams that
it's not right.

Like the first time you see that RuPaul
in person.

He's gone.

You can drop the act you hated, don't
you?

I knew it.

What are you talking about, Frank? It's
no act.

She's smart, charming, funny. You
finally got yourself a winner.

I do?

You're not just saying this now to make
me feel good.

First of all, when was the last time I
said something just to make you feel

good?

And second of all, she's perfect for
you, Frank.

If you don't scoop this one up, you'll
be making the biggest mistake of your

life. You really mean it?

Yes, I do.

Thanks, Martha.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to move in
with Dana.

Oh, Frank, it's pretty straightforward.

Maybe I'll just hold off for a little
while.

What? Why?

I don't know, Murph. I just feel like
maybe, you know, I'm making this

too fast. I mean, look, what if I jump
into this and I find something out about

her later that makes me regret it?

Like what?

Well, I don't know.

What if she can't swim?

What? What if she can't swim? Swimming
is a very important thing in a mate.

Yeah. You're a salmon gearing up for a
big night of spawning.

I do. I spent your whole life looking
for Little Miss Perfect. Well, you're

never going to find her because you know
what?

Nobody's perfect. I know that.

How do you think Dana's going to feel
when she finds out about your little

idiosyncrasies? I pretty much told her
everything.

Oh, like how you won't kiss a woman
who's eaten broccoli until she brushes

teeth first?

Yep.

How you can't watch Pinocchio without
crying?

Already told her.

The 15 years of therapy?

Well, that sort of came out during the
Pinocchio discussion.

So let me get this straight, Frank.
You're in here talking to me while some

other guy who doesn't have four months'
worth of underwear piled up in his

bedroom could be out there sweeping her
off her feet. If you really think I

should go through with this... The pile
is taller than me, Frank.

I'm going.

I'm going.

Say, did you guys get invited to the
dinner party at Frank and Dana's next

Sure did. You know...

Dana's really a good influence on Frank.
It'll be nice to finally go to one of

Frank's parties and not have to bring
our own soap and toilet paper.

Indeed. I'm just grateful to get an
invitation from Frank that for once does

involve a sporting event, pornographic
pay -per -view, or him weeping into my

chest and thanking me for not leaving
him alone on his birthday.

It's just so weird, isn't it?

After all... these years, Frank is
finally in a committed relationship and

a really nice woman.

Well, it wouldn't have happened if it
hadn't been for me. Yep. Before I

in, Dana was headed for the old
girlfriend graveyard.

Maybe I should go into the matchmaking
business because I really seem to have a

knack for it.

Wait a second.

Aren't you the one that fixed up Bob
from Legal with Esther from Human

Resources? Yeah.

Gay Bob?

I see. And if it weren't for me, Bob
would have been living a lie for the

ten years. And from what I understand,
he and Chuck and shipping are very happy

together.

Morning, everyone.

Morning. What are we talking about? Oh,
we were just discussing Frank and Dana

and the dinner party that they're not
having at all.

Or rather, that they could have one day
soon, if they chose to do so. Don't

worry, Jim. I got an invitation, too.
And it would be great having you there.

Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late.

Oh, you got our invitations. Great.
Well, I hope you're all coming. Ooh,

So, Frank, moving in together, throwing
dinner parties, if I ever allowed myself

to show any interest in the personal
lives of my underlings, I'd pretend to

happy for you.

Thanks.

We're all happy for you, Frank.

I'd put them together, you know. You?

Aren't you the one who put Gay Bob
together with...

Well, I'm just glad you're all going to
be there. Oh, by the way, can somebody

give me a lift home tonight? My car's in
the shop.

Sure, Frank. What's wrong with it? Oh,
nothing.

Dana's cigarette just burned a hole in
the upholstery.

Cigarette? I didn't know Dana smoked.

Neither did I. But that's okay, because
we're going to get some of those air

purifiers. You know, who knows? Maybe
they'll even suck up some of the smell

from the cat box.

Oh, she has a cat?

I hate cats.

Now, dogs I like.

They're loyal, obedient, and you know
they can be trained to tear open a human

throat with a single word?

I just wish Dana had told me earlier
that the cat has to sleep in the bed

night, but, hey, nobody's perfect,
right, Murph? That's right, Frank. I'm

of you. Why, the old Frank would have
let a dirty ashtray and a couple of

hairballs bring down an entire
relationship.

Yeah, well, the old Frank is gone, and
the new Frank's life is just beginning.

Thanks, Murph.

It's like I said, I just have a knack. I
can't control it. I can just try to use

my powers for good instead of evil.

Say, Patrick, have you ever thought of
asking Sherry out?

No. Well, ask her.

I really... Ask her.

It's a gift.

Would you stop picking?

I'd like to arrive at Dana and Frank's
with one leaf of lettuce left in the

bowl. Okay.

Ooh, crouton.

Murphy, I thought we were all...
supposed to bring something?

Yeah, I did.

Dessert.

Well, since your hands are free, hold it
for a minute.

Hi, guys.

Hi, Frank. Ooh, nice place.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, look, this looks like you really
went to a lot of trouble.

Yeah, well, at least some of us did.

Murphy!

Just make yourself comfortable. We're
going to be eating in just a few

Well, thanks, Jim. Oh, Jim, Jim, Jim.

You've got to check out this new
recliner. It's got a built -in massager.

thank you, Frank. I'm sure it's very
nice, but truth be told, I prefer the

-fashioned lazy boy with no modern
gizmos or gimmicks or... Oh, baby.

Wow, Frank. You have some really nice
things in here.

I mean, really, really nice.

Well, you know Dana and her shopping.
Once she starts, it's kind of hard to

her.

Well, she did a great job decorating. I
don't see anything of yours.

Hi, Dana.

Jim, I see you're trying out the new
massage chair. Yes, it's wonderful. Can

go any faster?

Bless you, woman.

Anybody anything to drink? Oh, no,
thanks.

You know what?

I didn't need to use the little girl's
room.

Is it in here? No, no, no.

I thought you said she just had a couple
of cats.

You know Dana, she has such a good
heart. She sees a stray on the street,

has to bring it home.

Well, yeah, maybe a little, but like you
said, Murph, nobody's perfect.

I know, I said that, Frank, but... Well,
I've got to get that.

Would you hold Laverne?

Sorry I'm late.

I would have come earlier if I'd known I
was going to have to catch my own food.

Okay,

do you want to introduce me to your
date?

Not her date.

That's true, he isn't. Although, coming
up in the elevator, he did suggest that

we stop in between floors and do the
deed.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait a second. Who are you, kid?

Who am I?

I'm the kid who's about to kick your
ass.

Hey, Ma.

Ma? Frank, did you know she had a kid?

No, Murph. Uh, Dana?

How come you didn't tell me anything
about this?

Oh, I didn't? Well, I...

Well, I'm sure I did. Trust me, this is
the kind of thing I would have

remembered.

Well, Frank, I'd like you to meet my
son, Danny. Danny, this is Frank.

Hi.

Hi. I'm still going to kick your ass.

Danny, I was really surprised, but I
thought you were visiting with your

I was, but the warden said that Dad had
sort of started a riot.

Oh. And, you know, they don't exactly
allow visitors in the home.

Oh, Jesus, Father's in prison? Frank,
did you know that? No, Murph.

I work and I'm busy with a pig.

Dana McCall lived here.

Well, she's a little busy right now. Can
I help you with something?

Yeah, you can get the hell out of our
way. We've got some things to pick up.

Hey, what's going on here?

Repossessing for failure of payment.

She's been sent four notices.

Whoa.

That's one hell of an ugly baby you got
there, lady.

Okay, pops.

Fun's over.

What do you say you and me go into the
bedroom and hit the sheets?

I'd love to, Danny, but my parents would
never accept you.

But this lady over here told me that she
thinks you're kind of cute.

Oh, a chick with a pig?

What the hell?

I'm supposed to have him back in the
bedroom.

Hey, that's right. We got to get the
bedroom furniture, too.

Dad,

you busted out.

Oh, God.

Hey, Ben.

Is it okay if me and my friends crash
here tonight?

Okay.

This is the guy who's putting moves on
Mom.

Yeah? I'm going to kick your ass.

Here you go, Frank.

Can I get you anything else? Anything at
all?

Oh, I'm okay.

Hey, thanks for being here, Murph.
You're a real friend.

Well, I gotta say, Frank, you're taking
this very well. I mean, you haven't

blamed me for any of this.

Well, it's okay. I mean, you're just
trying to help.

Well, that's... true, and you were the
one who forced me to have lunch with

Dana, so if you think about it, I'm not
really the one to blame. It would be

more of your... Oh, shut up.

Oh, man.

Here she comes.

She's probably here to tell me her pig
gave me anthrax.

Hi, Dana.

Hi, Frank.

Dana?

Um, I just have to get, uh, Phil Jr.
wanted... Oh, what the hell?

I just don't want to be here for this.

Are you still speaking to me, Frank?

If you're not, I'd understand.

I really don't know what to say, Dana.
It's like I never really knew you. It's

like everything I thought we had wasn't
real.

That's not true, Frank. How we felt
about each other really was real. I

know about you, Frank, but I haven't
felt this way for a long, long time.

Dana, why couldn't you tell me about
some of this stuff? I would have

understood. Yeah, right. That I have a
troubled 17 -year -old and an

uncontrollable spending problem, and I
was once arrested for stealing a car.

Wait, you stole a car?

Well, it was one of those four -wheel
drive things that Lindsay Wagner does

commercials for, and I didn't have any
money, and she's such a convincing

spokesperson. Anyway,

I was afraid to tell you all that. Well,
you could have told me.

I mean, you broke up with your last
girlfriend because she put too much

the manicotti.

Come on, that ruins the whole thing.

I guess I see your point.

Look, I know I have a few problems.

Okay, I have a lot of problems.

But if, um... I don't know if there was
ever anyone worth working with.

say, do you think we could work on my
problems together?

I'd like that.

So, is it safe to come back?

It sure is.

We're going to give it another shot,
Murph. Isn't that great?

What?

I can't help myself. I love her.

No offense, Dana, because I really like
you, and I'd love to have lunch with you

again sometime, but Frank, if you do
this, you're nuttier than she is.

Well, maybe so, but you know what they
say, Murph.

But he's perfect.

Let's go home, sweetheart.

Oh, do you think we should go out the
back way?

Why? Well, my husband's standing outside
and he'd still like to kick your ass.

Big Breakfast Burrito.

Where did Danny get the TV?

He said a priest gave it to him.

This NYPD rule is totally not real.

That is not how you shove a guy's hand
into a garbage disposal.