All language subtitles for Murphy Brown s08e21 When A Lansing Loves a Woman

Hi, I'm Murphy Brown, and you must be my
new secretary.

Hi, John Rowan. And just so you know, I
plan on being around for a long time.

Yeah, well, we'll see.

Donut? No, I mean I plan to live a long
time, and I don't think a donut would

fit into that strategy.

You see, I follow a very strict health
regimen. No meat, no dairy, no sugar.

Guess how old I am. I'd really rather
not. Oh, no, go ahead. Or are you scared

to find out that you've been living the
wrong way?

You're 43.

What?

I don't look 43.

I look 27.

There's no way I look 43.

How old are you? 43.

But I don't look 43.

Because if I did, that would mean I've
wasted the last 18 years depriving

of anything that even remotely
stimulates my taste buds.

You know, now that I get a closer look,
maybe you could pass for 27.

Really? You think?

Well, And just one donut won't hurt.

Don't break the box.

Murphy, these are for you.

Ooh, flowers for Murphy.

Who sent them? I don't know.

The card isn't signed.

What does it say?

It's a love poem.

Ooh, a love poem for Murphy.

Can I see?

Who would send me a love poem?

I don't know, but he even found a rhyme
for Murphy.

Astro -turfy?

I wonder what it could be.

Ooh, a mystery man.

Oh,

geez, more flowers?

They're beautiful.

Wow, Murphy really does have a secret
admirer. I can't believe it. Why, is

so hard to believe?

Well, you're not exactly the warmest.

I mean, on the surface, you seem kind
of... I'm surprised it doesn't happen

often.

It's wonderful when a man buys a woman
flowers just to show he loves her.

Even if he forgets to say it. Because he
sees her so often that he's beginning

to take their relationship for granted.

I'm gonna go make a phone call.

And who do you think this guy is, Murph?
I don't know, but it shouldn't be too

hard to figure out. All we have to do is
put together a list of everyone who's

completely and utterly infatuated with
me.

Oh, God, we don't have that kind of
time. Come on, thanks for helping me get

these gloves into my office.

These came for you, too.

package for you there's more you know
this is starting to remind me of that

secret of mario you once had remember
frank no sure you do remember you kept

getting all those gifts but it turned
out you were really just sending them to

yourself because somebody commented that
had been a really long time since you

had a girlfriend and you told me never
to tell another soul so what's inside

that box oh wow look this is amazing
it's me

I wish somebody cared enough about me to
put my face on a light bright. I gotta

go to the toy store.

Well, whoever sent this, Murphy, must
like you an awful lot.

I'm dying to know who's behind this.

Hello, FYI.

I just stopped by to... Wow, look at all
the pretty flowers.

Boy, what could they be for?

Corky? Frank?

You, Miss Brown?

Uh, yeah.

Apparently Murphy has a secret admirer,
Andrew.

Really?

Well, whoever it is, he must be one very
special fella.

And what's this?

Why, Miss Brown, it's you.

And what an incredible likeness.

Uncanny. Yeah.

Uncanny.

Well, it's pretty clear who Murphy's
secret admirer is. No doubt about it.

George Clooney. What?

George Clooney, that's who my secret
admirer is. We ran into each other last

month. He told me he thought I was very
bright, bright, bright, bright. See,

it's George Clooney. It all connects.
I'm going to call George. Oh, Murphy,

it. Now, you know it's Andrew.

Okay, it's Andrew.

God, I vote Republican once in a minor
election, and this is what happens to

So, Miss Brown, whoever sent you these
flowers, were they to your liking?

Um, well, yeah, I guess they're nice.

Oh, that's so wonderful.

For whoever might have sent them.

What I mean is, they're nice now, but
once they start to rot, they'll probably

remind me of the fleeting nature of
life, and I might have to hold that

whoever might have sent them to me.

Oh, I see.

So if this lovestruck fool knew what was
good for him, he wouldn't send you any

more flowers?

No, he wouldn't. He'd send you something
more permanent, something everlasting,

something from Tiffany's.

I hope this brief -bending Lothario
knows your correct ring size. Good day,

Brown.

Wouldn't be the one spending the entire
interview treading water.

Murphy, are you listening?

I'm sorry, Jim.

So, how are things at the ICN network?

Well, even though a pipe burst and
flooded our studio, Bill Bradley still

to go ahead with his interview.

What does he care? He's 6 '6". He
wouldn't be the one spending the entire

interview treading water.

Murphy, are you listening?

I'm sorry, Jim.

So, how are things at the ICN network?

Oh, Lord, Slugger, I've been through
this blasted story three times. What's

your mind?

Oh, I've got this problem. I don't know
what to do about it. I've been

getting... Gifts from a secret admirer.
Oh, come now.

Starry -eyed man infatuated with a
beautiful woman. What could be more

Dear God, fourth sign of the apocalypse.

Murphy, there you are.

Oh, hi, Stan.

Hello, Stan.

What was that? It sounded like a voice.

A voice from beyond the grave.

Oh, come now, Stan. Surely you're still
out holding a grudge. There it is again.

Oh, come on, Stan. I know... or upset
that Jim quit, but can't you at least be

civil to him?

Of course I can.

So, how is that decaying dung heap of a
network you work for, you traitorous

dog? If you were going to ICN, it's
doing fine. Thank you very much, Dan.

Congratulations. That must mean that
your anchor with the acne finally got

braces off.

You've been watching our broadcast.

You'd like to think so, wouldn't you?

I'll talk to you later, Murphy.

I can see this conversation is going
nowhere.

Yeah, just like your career.

I go back to ICN dial. You're nothing.
You hear me? Nothing. You are

nothing.

Have you noticed how bitter Jim has
become recently?

Listen, I need some advice about my
nephew, Andrew.

And I figured I'd talk to you because
you two are so close.

Close? I want to kill myself after I've
been in the same room with him for more

than five minutes.

Five minutes? I have seen people throw
themselves from moving buses after only

five seconds.

Anyway, Andrew is acting weird lately.

Weirder than usual.

Now, it wouldn't bother me normally,
but...

It's affecting his work. I mean,
Andrew's great value to me has always

he doesn't feel remorse or pity or cold
or a paperweight thrown

at his head.

But he's losing his edge that he needs
to be a great hatchet man.

Stan, I think Andrew has a crush on me.

Don't even joke about that.

I'm not joking, Stan. He's been sending
me flowers and candy.

Well, it was in candy. It doesn't mean
anything.

And a light bright with my face on it.

Sweet mother of God.

It's starting all over again.

Murphy, you have to do something about
this. Do you have a plan?

Well, I don't know. I was just sort of
counting on it blowing over.

An Andrew crush never blows over.

But if you confront Andrew with it now,
perhaps we can smother this sick...

Three minutes infancy. Couldn't I just
smother him?

If only it was that easy.

A man can hold his breath for upwards of
30 minutes.

All right.

Good. But do it quickly. We have this
network theme night coming up, and

really is the only one who can coerce
all the other shows to take part in

Far Out Friday.

He's selling some deodorant.

Jim, you're nothing! You're one!

I'm sorry, just somebody who resembles
Jim.

Jamie Far Out Friday.

Hello, Miss Brown. Who's this?

Uh, nobody.

Don't go far.

So, Uncle Stan said you wanted to talk
to me.

All right, Andrew, I know what you've
been up to, and I want it to stop.

But it's too late, Miss Brown. The
satellites are already in position.

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about all these gifts I've
been getting.

Oh, that.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Come on, Andrew. We both know you're my
secret admirer. Me?

Your secret admirer?

Oh,

that's a good one, Miss Brown. Laugh
with me.

All right, it was me.

Oh, Andrew, this crush of yours is very
flattering in an of mice and

men sort of way, and you're hardly the
first man to be swept away by my... Oh,

well, it's just... say it, bewitching
feminine charms, but I'm just not

interested in you romantically.

You're not?

No. Not even a little? Not even a
little.

Well, I hope this doesn't offend you,
Miss Brown, but I'm not interested in

either. The truth is, I cooked up this
whole campaign just to get you to fall

hopelessly in love with me so I could
impress Uncle Stan.

What? Yes. You see...

Lately, I've been on the outs with him,
and I thought I could help my image by

dating such a powerful and important
woman.

So you're not infatuated with me? No.

Not even a little?

Not even a little.

So you've been callously manipulating my
emotions just so you could use me as a

prop in your selfish rise to corporate
power?

I'm afraid so.

Thank God.

That, and to try to get you to go with
me to Uncle Stan's swanky exclusive

party. What party? Only the biggest
party of the social season.

It was my vain hope that all the invited
kings, past presidents, heads of state,

and Armando Sante would see me trolling
arm in arm with a glamorous, world

-renowned journalist such as yourself.

Oh, what a fool I was.

Armand DeSante?

Yes, Armand DeSante.

But what's it matter?

You would never dream of going to that
party now, would you?

Well, it does kind of conflict with my
plans.

What plans?

To not be seen with you ever.

Well, what if we didn't go together?
What if we both just happened to be

alone? No.

What if we didn't even talk to each
other?

No.

What if I never look directly at you and
I never get within three feet of you?

Five feet and you never breathe a word
of this to anyone.

Oh, thank you, Miss Brown. Thank you,
thank you. You saved my career.

Yes. Well, off to help others.

Thanks again, Miss Brown.

See you at the party.

Andrew. Oh, right.

Are you sure I'm not early? Early?

Why, I find the very idea of Madam being
early amusing.

Wait until I tell the staff that Madam
thought she was early.

Oh, how they'll laugh.

So where's Andrew?

Hello!

Welcome to Uncle Stan's party, Miss
Brown. Look, I brought you a corsage.

let me pin it on you. Five feet, Andrew.

Here, let me toss it to you.

Oh, very well.

Oh, my.

Uncle Dan has really outdone himself
this year, don't you think, Miss Brown?

Yeah. Andrew, I don't mean to nitpick,
but where is everybody?

That's an excellent question.

Hendricks, were there any messages?

None, sir. Are you sure?

Oh, yes.

How forgetful of me.

These came for him.

Ah, Armand called from the set to say
he's running a little late.

Oh, and the Chinese have severed all
diplomatic ties with the U .S. again, so

Ambassador Chang won't be attending.

And everyone else is.

Hendricks?

All roots.

What the hell is going on here? Where's
Stan?

I don't know.

Hendricks, go find Uncle Stan. Tell him
his guests are arriving, and he'd better

get down here now!

And away I go.

See, Miss Brown, we'll be here. Five
minutes, Andrew. He doesn't show, I'm

Fair enough, Miss Brown.

Well, while we're waiting, let's find
our tables, shall we?

Oh, look.

Here you are.

Table number 12.

Oh, here I am, too.

Oh, happy day.

Isn't this nice?

No one between us, but...

Hubert Humphrey.

Hubert Humphrey? Hubert Humphrey's dead.

He is?

Uncle Stan will be devastated.

All right, that's it. I'm out of here.
Wait, Miss Brown. Please don't go.

miss the big surprise Uncle Stan had
planned.

that funny little dance I used to do for
you? Huh?

But I'll see Mr. Frank Fontana. Oh,
thank God.

Frank, what are you doing here? You're
going to ruin everything.

I happened to be in the neighborhood and
I thought I said, hey, a party. I

didn't know you were having a party.
Where is the party?

Ms.

Brown and I were enjoying a quiet moment
alone.

Did you hear me, Frank?

Alone.

Come on, Frank. Let's go.

Wait. Please let him go. We were meant
for each other. Listen, you little

cretin. The only thing you and I were
meant for is a restraining order. Now

this into your missile -shaped noggin.
You and I are never going to be

Never.

Come on, Frank. Let's go

before we discover the bridge has been
washed out and we have to stay the

No, and since when do you care so much
about Andrew?

Herb, the guy just had his heart stepped
on.

Oh, please, you're just afraid he's
going to blame you for this. No, I'm not

afraid he's going to blame me for this.
I'm afraid he's going to kill me for

this. I'm going to go find him and talk
to him. Fine, Frank, do what you think

is right. I say he got what he deserved.

What are you pips staring at?

We've been at this for three and a half
minutes. Can't we just say we tried and

go home? No, he's got to be here
somewhere.

You know, you're right. We tried. Let's
go home. What's in there, Frank?

Nothing. Nothing at all. Out of my way.

Oh, my God.

It's a shrine.

To me.

I don't think we should be in here,
Murph.

Where did he get all this stuff?

Newspaper clippings, photo...

Look at this.

A little Andrew and Murphy doll. Oh,
jeez.

Miss Brown, Frank, what are you doing
here? Andrew, explain this. This? Well,

actually, it's quite easy to... I think
I hear our guests arriving.

Andrew, it's me, Armando Sante.

It's Armando Sante. Come, let me
introduce you. Andrew, Armando Sante

here. He's not?

No. Oh, boy. First Hubert Humphrey, now
Armando Sante. Asante?

This party's a bust.

Hey, what happened to my head?

Andrew, you swore to me the other day
that you had no romantic feelings for me

whatsoever.

All right, I lied.

I love you, Miss Brown.

I thought I could change your mind with
a little atmosphere, a little music, a

little dancing.

You know, change my mind is a little
lobotomy.

Murphy, let me... Listen, Andrew... I
don't know exactly how to

put this, but I don't think things are
going to work out between you and

Why, Frank? What did I do wrong?

I don't know. Sometimes these things
happen.

Is it me? Is it my fault?

No, it's not you, Andrew. It's...

It's

not that...

That Murphy doesn't like you. She does.

But she likes you more as a friend.

A friend?

But I love Miss Brown.

I always have.

She's so strong.

So forceful.

So commanding.

Can you imagine what it feels like,
Frank?

How it feels to know the woman you love
despises you?

Won't let you see her. Can't stand to be
in the same room with you. Gets

choleride D so she never has to talk to
you again. Thank you, Frank.

Look, Andrew.

I'm sorry, but this is never going to
happen.

Never? Never.

What was I thinking?

How could a miserable wretch like me
ever expect to live up to your awesomely

high standards?

Oh, now, come on, Andrew. Don't sell
yourself short.

You've got some good qualities. I do?
Like what?

Oh, I'm... You're punctual.

Well -groomed.

And you're a nonconformist. You do
whatever you think is right, no matter

or anyone else or even Amnesty
International might say.

Thank you, Miss Brown. That's very kind
of you.

Well, goodbye, Andrew. And don't worry.

I'm sure there's a woman out there for
you.

You're right.

There is a woman out there for me.

Thank you, Miss Brown.