All language subtitles for Murphy Brown s08e07 The Feminine Critique

That's the world according to the dial.

For all of us at FYI, good night.

And we're clear. Oh, boy. This is one
week I am glad to see end.

Hey, last one over to Phil's. Bye, first
round.

So, Murph, you coming?

I'm sorry. Are you talking to me?

Not this again.

Hey, my college is giving me an honorary
doctorate. I don't think it's too much

to ask, but everyone addressed me as Dr.
Brown. I still say it sounds like cream

soda. There's one that tastes like
celery, too. Who drinks it? It really is

an honorary degree. They hand those out
to everyone these days. Why, if I'm not

mistaken, it's even Dr. Heather Locklear
now.

Why do you think people were so jealous?

I still don't understand why you're
getting this degree in the first place.

knows it's not like you made it. any
generous donations. Well, despite the

obvious Humboldt Awards, Emmy Awards, my
impish charm, I was also instrumental

in forcing the school to establish a
women's studies program.

So, how many of you are coming up for
the ceremony?

I'm delivering a speech.

Mike, we don't get to hear you give one
of those every day.

okay? Yeah, the set was clear, Miles. No
one was hurt. Thank God. Oh, but if my

insurance company calls, you never heard
that.

Oh, my God. Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Hey, is this where they do Regis and
Kathy Lee?

I don't believe this.

They told us that window was
indestructible.

Of course, I suppose nothing is
indestructible when you drive a Mack

through. Well, that's been my
experience.

This is what you get when you put a big,
stupid window right on street level

where any moron can smash into it.

No offense.

Actually, there is. You drove through
our building, for God's sake.

Can you imagine if this had happened a
few minutes ago?

We'd all be dead. My last words would
have been about celery soda.

My chair.

It's my chair.

I would have been right here.

And here.

And here.

Oh, God.

What a close call. I can just see the
headlines.

Dr. Brown crushed by truck.

Really, sucker? You were sitting right
here. The truck would have missed you

entirely.

Yes, you're right.

So the headline would have read, Dr.

Brown narrowly missed by truck, others
crushed.

What?

I still can't believe it. Murphy gets an
honorary degree, so we have to do an

FYI on campus.

Need I remind you, there's a truck in
our studio.

We had to broadcast from somewhere.
Well, why can't we share someone else's

studio, like the evening news?

Are you serious, Dan Ratter? Share?

Man's his territory. It was a junkyard
dog.

Where is Murphy? I want you to tell us
to meet her here.

Well, I think doing an FYI on the road
was a very smart, creative solution.

Thank you, Corky.

You're not just saying that because I'm
your husband, are you?

Maybe.

You all should be viewing this as an
opportunity.

Frank gets to report on campus activism.

Corky will be examining new sexual
attitudes. This is all good.

Until now, our show has virtually
ignored Generation X.

And why shouldn't we, Starbucks -willing
slackers?

Which brings us to this hall.

The very hall I used to walk down on my
way to class and on my way back from

class.

What a day. It's like I'm on an
archaeological dig, learning all the

secrets of Murphy Brown.

The co -ed years.

Lord have mercy.

All the questions are being answered.
All the buried riches of her past

revealed.

Well, you know, as much as I'd love to
continue this journey back to the

Murphozoic era, I've got to work. Hey,
you're going to miss my dorm room. And

I'd love to stay, Slugger. I should
really go talk to some students for my

commentary. You know, groomed on where
their heads are at.

They don't use that phrase anymore, Jim.

In fact, I don't think they ever did.

Oh, I suppose that's some new hep
slacker phrase.

All right, well, let's start with... You
know, Murphy, I think we might have

enough color of you by now. What are you
talking about?

Oh, I don't know. I just think the six
hours we shot of where you used to sit

the library, where you used to sit in
the dining hall, where you used to sit

English class, and where you used to sit
in psych class will probably suffice

for the Where Murphy Used to Sit
segment.

Miles, we're talking about my dorm room
here.

My dorm room.

Where I learned and laughed and... And
loved and cried, I know. It's a dorm

room, not the tomb of Tutankhamen.

For the love of God, Miles, we haven't
come this far to turn back now.

Okay, okay, we'll go in. But this is it.

And a picture of this family I've never
seen before.

So, this is what a fancy Ivy League
college room looks like, huh?

Boy, for 20 grand a year, you'd think
there'd be a hot tub or something.

Murphy, you're not having some kind of a
drug flashback, are you?

Uh, hi?

Oh, hi. I'm sorry.

The door was open, and we just kind
of... Oh, God. My parents sent you,

they? Well, I don't care. You can tell
them if I want to major in art history

and date an African -American guy. That
is my business. We're not doing a story

on you, and your parents didn't send us.
Oh, well, what the heck are you going

to do with an art history major?

Hi, I'm Murphy Brown. This used to be my
room. Really? Yeah.

Huh. I always heard it was Diane Sawyer
who lost her virginity here. During

finals, and that's that. But I guess it
was you. I'll give you $200 for it,

chance.

that story is not entirely true.

Nope, it was more like midterms and it
was Jane

Pauley.

I can tell you how excited I am about
going to a women's studies class with

Murphy. I haven't been exposed to
feminism that much. Well, except for the

America pageant by Miss Rhode Island,
but I think you would classify that as

more of a come on.

Prepare to have your eyes opened. When
did your consciousness raise, Corky?

kind of class represents the sort of
thinking that made me the woman I am

But I practically created the whole
program, so it's like, I don't know,

Shakespeare sitting in on English class
or something.

Hi. We were told we could sit in today.

This is Corky Sherwood, and I'm Dr.
Murphy Brown. Hello.

I'm Susan.

Well... Thank you for having us, Susan.

I'm not sure if you're aware of this,
but I am partly responsible for there

being a women's studies program here.
Yes, I believe that was mentioned in the

press release you sent us.

So where's the class? I thought it
started at 1 .30. It does.

But one of the negative traits of the
patriarchy is a rigid adherence to

schedules, so we don't follow them that
closely.

Ah, yes, the patriarchy. Hear that,
Perky?

Good afternoon, everyone.

We'll be having two guests with us
today.

Murphy Brown and Corky Sherwood.

Actually, that's Dr.

Murphy Brown, but thank you for letting
us observe.

I'm not sure if you realize this, but
I'm partly responsible for their

They got the press release, too.

Great. Well, I'm just so proud to see
you, my sisters, carrying on the cause.

and pretend we're not here.

Unless, of course, the name Sylvia Plath
comes up, and I might not be able to

resist sharing some insights from my
senior thesis with you.

So, has anyone had an ouch experience
since the last class that they feel

comfortable sharing?

What's an ouch experience?

An ouch experience is when someone's
been a victim of sexism.

Oh, right, right. I think we had another
term for it. Um, an ouch trip, maybe. I

don't know why.

We try to maintain a safe space in the
classroom so that silenced women feel

free to speak out in a secure,
gynocentric ambiance.

I've never been a big fan of gynocentric
ambiances. They always seem to end with

my feet up in the stirrups.

Someone was about to share an ouch
experience.

Well, I was walking across campus
yesterday when I passed a large group of

playing football in the quad, and I was
victimized.

A bunch of jocks attacked you? No, they
didn't physically assault me.

Oh, thank goodness.

No, but they verbally attacked her,
Corky, and that kind of harassment isn't

more acceptable.

No, they didn't verbally assault me
either.

Oh, well, what'd they do then?

They played football.

And even though I wasn't victimized
directly or in any perceptible way, I

victimized.

And it was an absolutely horrifying
experience.

I got an obscene phone call last night.
Oh, no, not again.

Uh -huh.

It was the wrong number. And when I told
him it was the wrong number, he said,

thanks, honey.

And I felt victimized.

Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt and
these stories are all fascinating, but

I thought this was a seminar on women's
literature.

No, this is an ovular on women's
literature.

Seminar is an offensively masculine
term.

I don't get it.

Seminar. Amen.

Well, I get that.

No,

I mean, I don't understand why this
class is so preoccupied with personal

stories and victimization. I mean,
where's the educational value in that? I

agree. Can we talk about my period?

Ask Murphy, and feminist consciousness
is a consciousness of victimization.

I'm a feminist, and I'm not a victim.
Just a fashion one.

Just kidding, Murphy.

Actually, she has some really nice
clothes.

The fact that you're not aware you're a
victim only shows that you've bought

into a patriarchal system where men
strive to subjugate you. Right, but

okay. Your consciousness probably isn't
raised enough to realize it.

My consciousness is very raised, and I
don't need your patronizing. Thank you.

wasn't patronizing.

I was matronizing.

Well, I for one want to thank you for
speaking up, Murphy.

Not all of us see men as the problem.

Or view shaving our armpits as a
political statement.

Oh, good, it's the ship chicks.

Hey, I want to get married and have a
family and a career, and I'm sick of

ostracized for that.

And you shouldn't be. I just want to
avoid all the mistakes that you made.

Excuse me?

You know...

How you gave up a personal life and
sacrificed your femininity to get where

are. It's really sort of unattractive.

Well, you know, if it weren't for women
like me, young feminists like you,

wouldn't be sitting here today with any
choices. Oh, I'm not a feminist.

What are you talking about?

Don't you believe in equal rights?

Equal pay?

Reproductive freedoms?

Yeah. Well, then you're a feminist. As
for you, I don't know what the hell you

are. What do you want, anyway?

To unite women in principled hostility
to the males who seek to hold fast to

their patriarchal privileges.

And it purges the curriculum of white
male bias.

Who are you and what have they done with
your Y chromosome?

Well, I'm Adam.

And I'm an obnoxious male.

up for this class?

I wanted to meet girls.

Sorry, sorry, women.

I wanted to meet women.

Although I'm not sure why anymore.

Okay, look, I know what it's like to be
20 and think you know everything, but

feminism is a lot more about how you
live your life than, say, protesting an

astronomy class because you find the
term Big Bang offensive.

I'm feeling diminished by her sarcasm.
Boy, there you go again, taking

everything personally.

Murphy, we respect your right to
participate, but please follow the rules

this classroom and let people talk
without interruption.

Okay, fine, but it just seems like a
waste of time to let someone finish

when you know what they're going to say
is stupid.

Yes,

I may.

You all have good points to make.

You think you're right, that women are
oppressed, and sometimes they still are.

And you think you're right, that women
shouldn't be criticized for wanting to

have families, and they shouldn't. And
Murphy thinks she's right because...

Well, she always thinks she's right.

But why do we have to let these
differences divide us? I mean, we're all

We're all in this together.

Boy, they've got you wearing the high
heels and the miniskirt. All you need is

dog collar and a leash and your
subjugation ensemble is complete.

I like what she's wearing.

Are those shoes Balducci?

Excuse me, but I am not subjugated.

Yes, they are.

If we want to continue the progress
feminism has made... Oh, please.

Any progress has been an illusion.

Face it, your feminism is a failure. And
you're not married either, so that's

kind of a drag all around.

Hey, talk to me when you've lived in the
real world.

Bella Abzug has hats with more life
experience than you.

Susan, Mark is creating a power
relationship and trying to dominate

the room.

The most oppressive of male traits.
Well, that's what happened. when you

surrender your femininity.

Oh, please. That is the biggest bunch of
malarkey I've ever heard.

Oh, excuse me, female arty.

Everyone, I think we're getting off
track.

Thank you.

Now, can we talk about my period,
please?

Can't you discuss that with your doctor
or something?

Don't silence her!

You are all missing the point. While we
sit here arguing, the radical religious

right is working to take away everything
we fought for. Open your eye!

What the hell is that?

God, that is annoying.

I thought I might find you here.

Actually, I thought I might find you a
lot of places, but I already checked the

other hundred or so special spots you
showed us on campus, and let me tell

those steam tunnels are a little creepy
at this hour.

So what are you doing?

Sometimes when I was a student, I'd sit
here late at night and stare out the

window trying to imagine a future.

Now when I think how hard I worked for
that future, only to end up with those

ungrateful turncoats. Well, Murphy, a
lot of young women look at you and they

don't see someone who sold out to the
patriarchy or sacrificed her femininity.

They look at you and they see a role
model.

You know, if it hadn't been for you, it
never would have even occurred to me

that I could do what I'm doing.

Yeah? Are you kidding?

Around my house, all women's rights
meant was that Daddy let Mama use the

bathroom longer than anyone else.

And he wouldn't have let her do that if
he'd known she was sitting in a tub

crying about what her life might have
been if she hadn't turned down that date

with Conway Twitty.

Growing up, your world did not exist for
me.

You know, Corky, sometimes I forget how
far you've come.

It's nice to know I might be a little
responsible for that.

Oh, it's you again.

I locked the door this time. You did. I
never turned in my key.

Look, you know, why don't you just take
the room for the weekend, okay?

I'll crash my boyfriend's. Oh, thanks.

And if he buys you dinner, it doesn't
mean you're oppressed, okay?

Yeah, whatever.

Oh, you were right, Jim. They're here.
Ha!

Told you, Frank.

Tattoo parlor.

It's possible they are very big on
campus now.

Let's go, Murph. Were you like MacArthur
returning stateside after the war?

No. I was more like Mussolini having his
body dragged through the streets.

It was horrible. Frank, they hated me
and everything I stood for. Well, I'm

afraid it's inevitable, Slugger.

Once you're a generation or two removed,
you're like foreign creatures to them,

just as they are to us.

You and I are a generation or two
removed, Jim. I don't seem foreign to

I? Do you have fond recollections of
Buck Rogers' cereals, Uncle Miltie, or

M .G. Convertible?

Not really.

You might as well be a Chinese woman
from 12th century Shanghai.

You know, it's funny, but when I picture
myself, even after all I've done, I

always see myself as college age.

And then it's not until I look at
someone who actually is that age that I

realize how far away from that time I
really am.

I know.

It's the same for me.

Oh, please, you are college age.

Hey, I have been out ten years now, and
I understand what you're saying.

You think you don't change, but then you
pick yourself at Harvard, jumping into

the Charles River naked, and all you can
think about are all the parasites you

might have picked up, and you realize,
I've changed.

You know, I can remember a time when
dating a college girl was a big deal. It

represented all that was mature and
sophisticated in life.

Then you hit 40 and realized you were
making a fool of yourself.

She was a grad student, and she was wise
beyond her years.

I don't know. Maybe it's me.

I got lazy and forgot the fight.

I mean, the ERA loses enough times, and
finally you just get used to it.

I might have disagreed with them, but
those college kids had a passion that

maybe I just don't have anymore. College
is a time of passion.

My God, we used to stay up until the wee
hours discussing everything.

Politics, philosophy, art.

And it mattered. Everything mattered.

I miss that passion.

The kind where you'd stay up all night
with friends and ponder the world and

universe and what it all meant.

But then, I guess life happens, and
before you have a chance to figure out

place in the world, you're in it.

And then you die.

Sorry, it's just where I go sometimes.

Good night.

You know what would lift our spirits and
maybe even make us feel like we're back

in college again?

Pizza and Esquire magazine.

Pizza and beer. Pizza and ice cream.
Pizza and Motown.

Well, I was going to say a bong and some
righteous weed.

But pizza's good, too.

Okay. Okay.

But energy and matter can't disappear,
right?

So our... Well, okay, let's call them
souls.

have to go somewhere.

They can't just disappear when we die.

It's not physically possible.

You're saying reincarnation may not be
quite so beyond the pale as it seems.

Interesting. I wonder if they give a
fellow a choice.

But there's none of those people in
history to be reincarnated to everyone

alive now.

Animals. You're forgetting the animals.
They're, let's call them souls, have to

go somewhere too, don't they, Miles?

Assuming they have souls.

State Cart didn't think so. But I'm
inclined to go the other way.

We must trust the perfection of the
creation so far as to believe that

curiosity the order of things has
awakened in our minds, the order of

satisfy. Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Wow, Frank, that's really impressive. I
can't believe I remember that. It's like

being on campus just brought it all
back.

Logarithms. I remember logarithms.

I still don't understand them, but I
remember them.

Oh, oh my.

Would you look at that? It's dull
already.

We've stayed up all night having this
rap session, as the kids say. Kids don't

say that anymore, Jim.

I don't care. I say it.

And I enjoyed it.

I should be exhausted. I feel
invigorated.

Well, we must have some of that long
-forgotten passion after all.

Maybe we do with that. I've got to
admit, tonight I almost feel 21 again.

Don't you mean it?

Well, uh... Ow!

So, we're not 21 anymore.

But that's okay.

Because, you know, we were 21 once.

That's right.

Yeah, but you know what still bugs me?

This nagging feeling that my time has
passed. Oh, come on, Murph. You're a

-famous journalist. You're at the top of
your profession. What are you talking

about? Yeah, but I have no relevance to
this next generation.

And they're the ones who are going to be
framing the debate.

My opinions have had whatever impact
they're going to have, and whether I

it or not, it's time to hand over the
bullhorn.

Boy, those are some inspiring words for
when I accept my doctorate.

You're not going to use any of that in
your speech, are you? Well, does it

matter? Anything I have to say to this
generation of women is just going to

on deaf ears anyway.

So what are you going to do?

And if you think about it, it's all so
simple.

Equal right, equal opportunities.

We have no right to expect more. We
can't afford to accept less.

Sure, some might say men are the
problem, but that isn't a solution.

Nor is it right to give up the fight,
for it is not yet won.

The only hope we have is to respect each
other and join together in making this

a better place for men and women alike.

Thank you.

It's polite to clap, class.

What's a redneck? Tune in for the Jeff
Foxworthy show and find out. Damn

straight. The show premieres Saturday,
July 23rd with a two -hour block of four

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