All language subtitles for Murphy Brown s08e01 Altered States

Oh, gotta get away from you, fast as I
can.

Too much for me, baby, more than my
heart can stand. Like a kid behind a

you've been reckless with my heart.

If I stay around, you'll surely tear it
all apart.

Said the road's got to end.

We've come to the end of our road.

Oh, jeez, more presents? You know, it's
not fair that married people get all

this stuff.

Single people need things, too.

I've been using the same three towels
since college.

Um, Frank, there's something I've got to
tell you.

Sure, what's up?

Well, I guess there's no easy way to say
this.

You know, the other night after the
bachelor party,

Peter and I decided not to get married.

Oh, really?

Geez, I'm sorry, Mark. I don't know what
to say. That's really, uh...

Surprising? I don't know.

Inconceivable?

Incomprehensible? Out of the blue? Yeah,
that's the one.

What are you holding?

Oh, uh, Jim, listen, I've got some
pretty shocking news for you, and I'd

you hear it from the horse's mouth.

Certainly, Slugger. What's going on?

Peter and I have decided to call off the
wedding.

Jeff, it's a done deal.

It's not going to happen.

Oh, I see.

That is shocking.

I thought for a moment that you'd said
something entirely different, something

not shocking in the least, but you and
Peter are not getting married.

That is completely different.

Hey, everybody.

Hi, guys. Morning.

Well...

We have got a pretty surprising
announcement to make.

Save your breath. You've got a bigger
reaction from an oil painting of Al

What's the big announcement?

You tell. No, you tell. No, you tell.

Let's both tell. Okay.

Ready? One, two, three.

We're married.

So, you guys, Friday night at Peter's
bachelor party, when did you have time

get married?

It was the most incredible... Oh, you go
ahead. No, you go ahead. No, you go

ahead.

I was just so romantic.

When Miles took my hand and we ran out
of the club together that night, it was

like I could hear all the pieces of my
life just clicking into place.

And I was hearing the exact same noise,
only if I was more of a whore, it was

like... Anyway, all my life... I've done
the expected thing. Always tip 15%.

Never topped off my tank. Always waited
an hour after eating before going into

the water. Well, at the time, I didn't
wait. I ate a big sloppy sandwich and

a cannonball right into the deep end.
Guess what? No crabs.

And I was sick of always listening to
that voice that said, stop. I wanted to

listen to the one that said, go, go, go,
go. So he kept on going.

To the airport, to the Cayman Islands,
to the beach, to a luau. To a

gastroenterologist, to a justice of the
peace. Back to the airport, right back

here.

make a great team or what? All that is
sweet, kind, and gentle about her? All

that's crazy, wild, untamed about me?

People should bottle us. Oh, if they
did, I'd spritz them on me right now.

Congratulations.

Thank you. So, come on, come on. Out
with it. How long before the betting

starts? Betting pool?

If anyone else had done this, we'd be
betting on how long before the big

breakup. Come on. Miss A -seed and Mr.

Predictable rush out and get hitched. I
mean, how long is that going to last?

Okay, okay. The betting pool. Hey,
everybody. I got 20 bucks. They don't

two months. Two months? Why? Give them
two weeks. Two weeks? I'll try today.

Oh, come on, come on. Let's go tell
Business Affairs. I want to see their

when they hear this individual tax filer
will be filling out a joint return next

year. They're going to think we're nuts.

We're nuts?

You guys.

I got two months. Two weeks. Two days.

Did someone tell me what the hell they
were thinking? They're not ready for

marriage. Of course not. They jumped
into this way, way too fast.

Doris and I courted four years. Four
years of getting to know her. Four years

her getting to know me.

Four years of convincing her father that
just because a man owns a set of bongos

doesn't make him a beatnik.

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm
against Miles and Corky getting married.

It's just that if this works out, I'm
going to have to rethink other things,

like John Tesh albums, label piercing.

For every parent who's ever had some...
Oh, hi. I'm Murphy Brown. You must be my

new secretary.

Oh, this is hard.

I guess the whole lawyer thing didn't
work out.

That's a tough break.

Could you file this for me? Actually,
Murphy, I was just writing you a note. I

came over to bring you this wedding
present, but they told me that the whole

thing had been called off, so... This is
how rumors get started.

A present for me?

You Kennedys are so thoughtful and
generous.

I wonder what it is.

I think you're really going to like it.

What the hell is this?

It's a copy of George. It's the new
political magazine I'm editing. I had

guys in the art department mock up a
cover with you on it. It's pretty great,

huh?

That's it?

No, no.

There's a... one -year free subscription
with a card.

Gee, I hope you didn't have to sell the
compound.

Okay, fine, if that's your attitude, but
don't come crying to me when you have

to pay full newsstand price.

Listen up, everybody.

Listen up. Corky and I were just
talking, and we would like to share our

with all of you.

So, after work, down at Phil's, you're
all invited to a little celebration, our

treat. Oh, my.

Oh, well, before I forget, Doris and I
would like to get you a little gift.

We have to get them a gift?

Just a little something, really, but
we'll need to know where to send it.

it to my place.

Oh, honey, I just thought they should
send it to my apartment since I assume

that's where we'll be, you know, living.

Really? I thought we might be living in
my condo.

Wait a minute. You two are married. You
don't even know where you're going to

live yet? Well, no. There really hasn't
been time.

But either is fine.

Yeah. Oh, and Han, my place has a rec
room with a ping pong table and a fresco

machine.

True. But mine has plantation shutters.

Oh, yeah. This is going to last.

Murphy,

what did you mean by that?

Mean by what?

What did you mean by... Oh.

Yeah, this is gonna last.

Oh, what did I mean by that?

Um... Well, you know, that was a joke.

A joke?

Yeah, yeah, it was a joke. It was a
joke. I was joking, you know.

Remember how we were joking out there?
We were joking, and Frank said, Hey, I

give this to once, and then she said,
Too much? Well, I give it two weeks.

I said, Two weeks? Try two days. And
then everybody laughed, because, you

I tell a joke really well.

Why don't you tell us what you're really
saying? That you think Miles and I were

stupid to get married. Yeah, we're
stupid.

Okay. Okay, fine. You want to know what
I really said?

Okay.

What I really said was that... Oh, God,
I get it now.

This is all a thing. I mean, all right,
you're getting married. I can't believe

I fell for that. I mean, that whole
pathetic trip to the Cayman Islands and

whole, you tell me, you tell me, you
tell me, that cheesy engagement ring

Courtney's wearing.

one who thinks this was stupid, okay?

All right, Jim, get in here.

Come on. All right, cat's out of the
bag.

They know we think they're getting
married with stupid, so just tell them

we said out there before, and then we
can all get on with our lives.

I have no idea what you're talking
about. Yes, I resent the implication.

Well, best of luck.

You know,

Murphy, we heard about you and Peter,
and we're sorry, but just because your

marriage didn't happen doesn't mean you
have to rain on our parade.

Yeah, our parade.

Come on, Mrs.

Silverberg. With pleasure, Mrs.

Silverberg. Oh, but don't call me that.

Call you what?

Mrs. Silverberg, I'm not sure I'm taking
your name.

You're not?

You took Will's name.

And Sherwood Silverberg is a heck of a
lot better than Sherwood Forrest.

Okay, I don't have a lot of time. Why
don't you two start beating each other

and then I'll finish off whoever's left
standing. Oh, come on. If anyone has a

right to be angry at someone, it's us.

Oh, please.

Not since Rolf blew that whistle and the
sound of music have I witnessed such a

betrayal.

What were we supposed to do? We have to
work with those two. Indy, telling the

Pope his little beanie is uncrooked is
one thing, but telling Miles and Corky

that they shouldn't have gotten married,
that's just not kosher.

You heard me.

Well, I'm glad it's out. At least I
spoke my mind. I don't know how you two

live with yourselves. Oh, come on,
Murphy. It's not like I don't agree with

It was crazy, idiotic, foolish. Ladies
and gentlemen, the Brighton Group!

You decided to come after all. Oh, yeah.
I'm surprised to see you here.

Well, I thought about what you guys
said, and I realized you had a point. So

here. I'm ready to put on a smile and
shower my co -workers with love and

affection. Hey, that's the spirit.

What you got there?

Oh, that's your doorknob. I just trashed
both your offices.

Hey there, Murphy.

Hey, Phil.

So, word has it you don't approve of the
happy couple.

Do you have any idea how many bad
marriages old Phil could have stuck his

into over the years?

John and Martha Mitchell.

Senator and Rita Jenrette.

John Warner and Liz Taylor.

But I didn't. And why didn't I?

I don't know, Phil, why.

No, I'm asking you.

Why didn't I?

Just think of all the years.

Pain and misery. I could have spared
those poor little loonies.

People wonder why I don't sleep at
night.

Oh, by the way, there's someone in the
storeroom I think you should talk to.

Oh, no, Phil. The last time you wanted
me to talk to someone in the storeroom,

ended up getting cold -cocked by Jean
Kirkpatrick.

Hey, I was as surprised as you were.

Who knew the woman could hoist a keg
over her head like that?

Hello? Jean?

Hi.

Hello, Murphy.

Surprise to you here, given how stupid
you think my marriage is to Miles.

Look, Murphy, I know you're mad at me,
and I don't blame you.

That's it?

That's the big apology I get?

After you ridiculed the most important
decision of my life? The one that

makes me feel whole?

I was out of line before.

What you and Miles do is your own
business. I shouldn't have said what I

I'm sorry.

But you said it, Murphy.

You said our marriage wasn't going to
last.

I did. You said Miles and I were stupid.

I did.

You said that we got married without
really knowing each other. I didn't say

that. Well, I didn't say it to your
face.

I said what?

There are a lot of things I don't know
about Miles.

I don't know where he likes to sit in a
movie theater.

I don't know if he likes his socks bald
or...

You guys haven't had sex yet?

Now, I don't really know what that is,
but Jerry's figured I was showing it

week, and I really think I could fake it
if I had to. What do you think?

Um, I don't think you should be asking
me. I think you should be asking your

husband.

Ow, Bertie.

You're hurting me.

Bertie?

Where have you been? I've been looking
all over for you.

Are you okay? What did you do?

Oh, Miles.

What is it, then?

Is it the money?

Is it the crowd?

Is it the noise?

Is it the heat?

Is it the fact that we rushed into the
biggest decision of our lives and made a

horrible, horrible mistake and there's a
room full of our closest friends and

coworkers out there waiting to toast us
and we don't have a single idea in the

world why we did what we did or what
we're going to do about it?

Look, Earth is going on. Yeah, we saw
you drag Miles into the storeroom. Is

Corky in there with him? Yeah, there.

You know, it's really not my place to
say. Well, I'll say is they're talking

something over. Something, by the way,
that will make me look very, very good

and you look very, very bad.

Well, divorce.

It all seems so quick.

I never thought I'd be divorced twice.

The only person I ever knew who was
divorced twice was Vera Williams.

I used to follow her around town, call
her slut, throw rocks at her windows.

Probably wasn't the best way for my
church youth group to spend it

I did keep them off drugs.

Well, there is a bright side to all
this. Only being married for three days

means we don't have a lot of community
property to divide up.

Tell you what, you know that Cayman
Islands is for lovers T -shirt we bought

the duty -free shop?

You can have it.

Well, I just want to say it was fun
while it lasted.

It sure was.

I can't remember a better weekend.

I was just going to say that, I don't
know, maybe our problem

wasn't so much being married.

As how fast we got married.

Yes, exactly.

I mean, okay, maybe we rushed into this.

But maybe what we rushed into was right.

Uh -huh. And if we just went back and
took things slower, maybe everything

work out.

So maybe we can stay married, but just
date for a while.

You know, until we know if everything's
right.

I think I like that plan. Me too.

like going to the movies on the
weekends, and then if that works out, we

to the next logical step.

Legit theater?

No, I was thinking more like a midweek
dinner.

Okay, okay. But if things progress and
it feels right, we may

want to take things to the next level
and move in together.

Absolutely.

Which brings us to the whole question of
sleeping together.

Guess that wouldn't be a fan.

That's right.

I just feel that way.

It's just better if it comes from them.

Wait a second. I know what it is.

Corky and Miles are leaving FYI, aren't
they? No, they're not coming. I know.

One of them's...

I'll bet Corky's pregnant.

Trust me.

Corky's definitely not pregnant.

Then what is it?

Come on.

All right, fine.

You can't wait. You really have to know.
Yes.

Corky and Miles are getting a divorce.

Are you happy now?

That's right. They realized... I was
right. They appreciated my honesty, even

leaned on me for support. Me, the one
everyone accused of being unsupportive.

So I think there are more than a few
people in here who owe me an apology,

think if you look in your hearts, you'll
realize who you are, Frank Jamgarth.

Excuse me.

Excuse us.

Hey, everybody.

Having a good time?

Hey, some of these glasses look a little
empty. Anybody need a refill?

It's okay, Miles. You don't have to put
up a front. I already told them.

Told them what?

That you guys are getting a divorce.

Oh, we're not getting a divorce, Murphy.

We're married. And we're staying
married.

And we couldn't be happier.

What about that amnesia and Jerry
Springer and all those sockballs?

What about those sockballs?

I can't believe it. That's it.

Get a ride for Marv. I'm on his way
home.

Hey, good idea.

Well, see you tomorrow.

Okay.

Say, Miles, as long as you've got room,
I could use a lift home. Sure, hop in.

Splendid.

Bye, everyone.

Well,

I still play there crazy.

Yeah, you're right.

Maybe you have to be crazy.

I mean, Miles and Corky? Couldn't put
those two together in a million years.

But they rolled the dice. Who knows?
Maybe it'll work.

What are you saying, Frank? Are you
saying I made a mistake not marrying

Wait a minute. When did this become
about you?

When isn't it about me, Frank?

Still haven't answered me.

What, you and Peter? No, you didn't make
a mistake.

Really?

Absolutely not a doubt in my mind.

Wait a minute. Didn't you tell me last
week I was doing the right thing to get

married? Oh, yeah.

Well, I guess maybe I was telling you
what I thought you wanted to hear. Oh,

now? Same deal.

Maybe we're just not the type of people
who are meant to get married.

Um, what do you mean, we, ma 'am?

Are you seeing anyone, Frank? No.

Interested in anyone?

No. Willing to go on another blind date?

No, I mean we, Frank.

You know, if I didn't get married, it
wouldn't be a tragedy.

I mean, I'm not worried about ending up
alone.

It would just be nice not to have to.

You know what really worries me? What if
there is a right person out there for

me and I've already met her? I mean,
what if I was...

tired that day or I had a bad commute or
I made one wrong turn at the wrong time

and that person walked out of my life
forever.

What then?

Then you'd be sitting on a stoop on a
beautiful night in a beautiful city

talking to your best friend.

Murph, remember that vow we made a few
years ago?

You mean that Janet Reno secret admirer
thing? Didn't we do that already?

No, I kind of had the wrong word.

promised that if we reached 40 and we
weren't married yet, we'd marry each

other. Yeah, then we hit 40 and we moved
it to 45.

We hit 45 and we pushed it off to 50.

You know, Murph, we're almost 50 now.

Well, maybe we'll just get adjoining
plots.