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1
00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:10,120
Guys, guys, I was just watching C -Span
and Newt Gingrich gave an entire speech
2
00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:12,280
with a clump of oatmeal on the corner of
his mouth.
3
00:00:13,140 --> 00:00:16,020
Either that or his makeup people forgot
to wipe off the foam again.
4
00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:19,218
Hey, guys.
5
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:23,460
What brings our stage manager up to this
neck of the woods? Yeah, I didn't think
6
00:00:23,460 --> 00:00:25,160
your headset cord reached me on the
stage.
7
00:00:25,740 --> 00:00:29,120
I just want to stop by and tell
everybody I've got some sad news.
8
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:31,680
Jack Saunders passed away yesterday.
9
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:33,080
Oh, my God.
10
00:00:33,260 --> 00:00:36,940
Jack is a legend around here. He's been
with the show since day one.
11
00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:40,460
That is so sad, isn't it, Sam? Jack?
Jack who?
12
00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:43,580
Jack Saunders.
13
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:45,160
From the crew.
14
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,240
Oh, that Jack.
15
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:51,060
Jack Saunders from the crew. Oh, that's
awesome.
16
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:55,580
Wow. I mean, for him to just go suddenly
like that, what a shock.
17
00:00:56,399 --> 00:00:58,320
Actually, they expected him to die years
ago.
18
00:00:59,820 --> 00:01:00,820
Exactly.
19
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:04,000
Expected to die years ago and then gone
like that.
20
00:01:05,019 --> 00:01:07,000
And he had so much life left to live.
21
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,540
Well, not really. He was almost 80.
22
00:01:10,340 --> 00:01:11,340
Right.
23
00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:15,260
Well, it just shows you can't take your
loved ones for granted.
24
00:01:17,980 --> 00:01:20,160
Anyway, Miles, I have a story that I
want you to hear.
25
00:01:21,550 --> 00:01:25,270
When my family suffers a loss, and when
you live in gator country, that happens
26
00:01:25,270 --> 00:01:26,330
more often than you think.
27
00:01:27,010 --> 00:01:31,430
We all gather around a room and share
our personal memories about the
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00:01:31,770 --> 00:01:34,490
Helps to get out the grief we're all
feeling. Let's do it.
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00:01:34,750 --> 00:01:38,470
Actually, I kind of prefer to keep my
grief bottled up. What I'll always
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00:01:38,470 --> 00:01:39,470
remember.
31
00:01:39,930 --> 00:01:42,710
About Jack, it was my first night at
FYI.
32
00:01:42,930 --> 00:01:46,390
Murphy conveniently borrowed my lucky
Montblanc pen.
33
00:01:46,590 --> 00:01:51,530
I was in a panic until Jack was generous
enough to give me his naked lady pen
34
00:01:51,530 --> 00:01:53,050
with a disappearing bathing suit.
35
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,090
He loved those pens.
36
00:01:55,590 --> 00:01:59,610
I remember how Jack used to always give
me back rubs to loosen me up before the
37
00:01:59,610 --> 00:02:04,670
show. And not the creepy, icky kind full
of unspoken requests, but real nice.
38
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:06,460
Kind of like a grandpa.
39
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:12,080
You know, last winter, I had tickets to
the Kennedy Center Honors, and my car
40
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:18,020
wouldn't start. So Jack gets into his
Chevy and bumps me all the way there.
41
00:02:18,020 --> 00:02:23,580
he waits outside for three and a half
hours and bumps me all the way here.
42
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:25,680
Oh, boy.
43
00:02:27,420 --> 00:02:32,140
One night after a commentary when I
inexplicably mispronounced the name
44
00:02:32,140 --> 00:02:34,540
Nudsey, I was feeling rather blue.
45
00:02:34,740 --> 00:02:37,720
Well, Jack, sensing my mood, sat me
down.
46
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:42,820
And we ended up sharing a box of milk
duds and talking until the wee hours of
47
00:02:42,820 --> 00:02:44,020
the morning. Oh, gosh,
48
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:55,180
I remember so many things about Jack.
It's hard to pick just one.
49
00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:05,480
But I guess if I had to, it would be the
way he always carried
50
00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:06,940
that cable.
51
00:03:07,460 --> 00:03:08,880
My camera?
52
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:14,300
From the way you're talking, it almost
seems like you don't remember Jack at
53
00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:16,420
all. Of course, I remember Jack.
54
00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:20,140
I'd be a pretty terrible person if I
didn't remember Jack. Oh, come on,
55
00:03:20,140 --> 00:03:21,140
mean, it's not that big a stretch.
56
00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:24,440
I mean, you've got to admit, you're not
exactly buddy -buddy with the crew. Oh,
57
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:27,640
because I don't go out with them for
beers or bake them cookies at Christmas
58
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:30,560
time? No, because you don't speak to
them or address them by name.
59
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,180
I have a fine relationship with the
crew.
60
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,080
In the land of opposites, maybe.
61
00:03:37,420 --> 00:03:40,240
You can't be oblivious to your
reputation.
62
00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:44,580
Surely you're aware of the proliferation
of Murphy Brown jokes they have on the
63
00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:47,820
stage? Of course I'm aware of the jokes.
I love the jokes.
64
00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:49,380
Where are they going?
65
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:54,240
John, you told me the funniest one the
other day. Tell that one. Oh, I'd really
66
00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:55,239
rather not.
67
00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:58,700
Oh, it's okay, John. I can laugh at
myself. Come on, let's hear it.
68
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:02,340
How many Murphy Browns does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
69
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:04,780
How many? Shut up and just do it.
70
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:10,760
It's really not that funny.
71
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,700
No, it's not.
72
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:21,980
My point is, I know the crew.
73
00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:28,300
Each and every one of them. And a guy as
kind and caring as...
74
00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:31,200
This guy we've lost? Well, of course I
remember him.
75
00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:34,900
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm just going
to spend some flowers.
76
00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:38,440
Jack. Jack Saunders.
77
00:04:43,420 --> 00:04:45,660
May I have your attention, please?
78
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,720
FYI had suffered a loss.
79
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:54,580
But as we all know, Jack knew he
wouldn't be around forever.
80
00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:58,220
So he wrote down a few words before his
death and...
81
00:04:58,490 --> 00:04:59,730
John would like to share them with you
now.
82
00:05:00,370 --> 00:05:01,370
John?
83
00:05:03,690 --> 00:05:05,270
Dear people I work with.
84
00:05:05,470 --> 00:05:07,370
Oh, he always calls that.
85
00:05:09,210 --> 00:05:11,610
If you're reading this letter, I guess
I'm dead.
86
00:05:13,170 --> 00:05:16,790
I just wanted to thank all of you who've
meant so much to me over these past
87
00:05:16,790 --> 00:05:17,790
years.
88
00:05:17,970 --> 00:05:23,970
My fellow crew members, the producers,
the anchors, and most importantly, I'd
89
00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:26,530
like to thank the person who meant the
most to me here.
90
00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:28,560
And she'll certainly know why.
91
00:05:29,140 --> 00:05:30,140
Murphy Brown.
92
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:33,660
He signs it.
93
00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:39,180
Love, Jack. And that's it, folks. Let's
get ready for showtime.
94
00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:42,480
Oh, Murphy.
95
00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:47,820
I feel so awful. I had no idea you and
Jack were so close.
96
00:05:48,060 --> 00:05:50,000
Oh, Murph, all the things we said about
you and the crew.
97
00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:53,140
Yes, we were insensitive. This news must
have hit you harder than anyone.
98
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,300
You just kept it all bottled in.
99
00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,530
You... Great little soldier.
100
00:05:58,630 --> 00:06:00,090
Yeah. All right.
101
00:06:00,350 --> 00:06:01,350
Heads up, everybody.
102
00:06:01,530 --> 00:06:02,530
Come on.
103
00:06:02,690 --> 00:06:09,370
Here we go. In five, four, three, two...
104
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:10,410
Guys.
105
00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:13,650
Guys, look what I just stumbled across.
106
00:06:15,330 --> 00:06:18,070
Oh, Lester's staff and crew photos.
107
00:06:18,430 --> 00:06:21,930
How can you tell it's last year's? Every
year's the same. Yep, Murphy's sitting
108
00:06:21,930 --> 00:06:25,010
front and center with her big old head
blocking three people behind her.
109
00:06:26,190 --> 00:06:29,070
Hey, at least she's not making bunny
ears behind you like she does me every
110
00:06:29,070 --> 00:06:31,670
year. Seven years, not one photo I can
hang on my wall.
111
00:06:32,210 --> 00:06:35,650
You know the funny thing about this
photo? I just can't find Jack in it.
112
00:06:35,910 --> 00:06:38,510
Really? He's right there, Murphy, right
behind Bill the Boom Guy.
113
00:06:38,790 --> 00:06:41,430
Oh, sure, Bill the Boom Guy.
114
00:06:41,890 --> 00:06:43,630
Bill, Bill, Bill.
115
00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:45,610
Morning, Bill. What's everyone hearing?
116
00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:47,770
Oh, our crew photo.
117
00:06:48,590 --> 00:06:50,970
My, doesn't Jack look debonair?
118
00:06:51,910 --> 00:06:54,890
Doesn't his smile just ride on?
119
00:06:56,260 --> 00:06:59,440
Good Lord, Slugger, you made bunny ears
behind Miles again?
120
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,600
In seven years, not one photo I can hang
on my wall.
121
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,360
Mrs. Zonder!
122
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:11,080
What are you doing here? Oh, please,
Corky, you know better than that. Call
123
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:15,500
Louise. We are so sorry about your
husband. Jack was a man among men.
124
00:07:15,740 --> 00:07:19,280
If there is anything at all that we can
do... Well, actually, I'm here to see
125
00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:20,280
Murphy.
126
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:22,160
Louise!
127
00:07:26,789 --> 00:07:27,789
again, Louise.
128
00:07:28,970 --> 00:07:34,810
When was the last time you let me bake
up the wrap party? That was it. We stood
129
00:07:34,810 --> 00:07:36,990
next to each other in the buffet line,
am I right?
130
00:07:37,270 --> 00:07:38,270
We've never met.
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00:07:40,310 --> 00:07:45,110
That's it. Now I remember. You know,
Louise, I wanted to talk to you, too.
132
00:07:45,110 --> 00:07:47,130
don't we go into my office? Oh, all
right.
133
00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:53,430
Louise, I'm not sure if you know this,
but, um...
134
00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:59,900
Your husband mentioned me in his letter
and... Well, of course he did.
135
00:08:00,140 --> 00:08:04,700
Do you know not one day went by that he
didn't speak of you?
136
00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:07,660
That's why I thought you should have
this.
137
00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:12,460
A Phillips head screwdriver?
138
00:08:12,940 --> 00:08:15,000
This Phillips head screwdriver.
139
00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:19,100
I know it meant something special to the
two of you.
140
00:08:19,340 --> 00:08:22,200
Oh, boy, did it ever.
141
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:28,360
Let me tell you, this screwdriver is
just full of meaning.
142
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:34,260
Well, yes, Jack often said he considered
you the daughter we never had.
143
00:08:35,380 --> 00:08:38,940
Sorry for interrupting, but, Louise, I
was just wondering if there was going to
144
00:08:38,940 --> 00:08:41,980
be any sort of memorial, because we
don't like to pay our respects.
145
00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:45,680
Well, Jack wasn't real big on churches.
146
00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:50,800
I remember he always used to say,
Louise, I'm not real big on churches.
147
00:08:54,380 --> 00:09:00,580
We could have a memorial in someone's
home, but who has a house big enough to
148
00:09:00,580 --> 00:09:03,680
accommodate all those people whose lives
he touched?
149
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:13,440
Miles, what do you mean you're going to
be late? You're in charge of the
150
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:17,340
napkins. The only ones I have in the
house say bon voyage, and while I
151
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:20,760
appreciate the irony, it's possible
other people may find it in bad taste.
152
00:09:22,510 --> 00:09:24,150
There's the deli platter. I gotta go.
153
00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:29,030
Now, find some deepest sympathy napkins
and get your butt over here.
154
00:09:30,430 --> 00:09:34,810
Murphy Brown? Hi. Oh, uh, just put it
over there between the cheese and the
155
00:09:34,810 --> 00:09:35,810
crackers.
156
00:09:37,390 --> 00:09:38,390
Okay.
157
00:09:43,870 --> 00:09:46,390
Whoa! What is that?
158
00:09:47,030 --> 00:09:48,970
That? That's your beloved departed.
159
00:09:51,660 --> 00:09:55,060
I think there's been some mistake. You
see, I wasn't exactly expecting this.
160
00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:56,260
Nobody ever does.
161
00:09:57,820 --> 00:09:59,280
That's the true tragedy of it.
162
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,080
You sure you want him so close to the
dip? No, no, no.
163
00:10:03,340 --> 00:10:05,980
That would probably be some sort of
health code violation.
164
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:12,080
I guess, uh... You know, I have a
feeling the beloved departed would be
165
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,160
comfortable right here.
166
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:14,600
You have a nice day now.
167
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:17,600
Oh, jeez.
168
00:10:37,100 --> 00:10:38,100
You want me to say it?
169
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:43,720
Fine. I don't have the vaguest idea who
you are.
170
00:10:44,780 --> 00:10:46,800
There. Are you happy now?
171
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,700
You know, it's not exactly my fault.
172
00:10:51,060 --> 00:10:55,800
I mean, you were the one who died and
then named me as being this kind and
173
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:59,280
wonderful person, which obviously shows
you didn't know me very well.
174
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,260
Can you help me out here?
175
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,500
When did we meet?
176
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:09,840
When did we talk?
177
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:15,280
And what is the story behind that stupid
screwdriver?
178
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:17,920
Oh, God.
179
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:19,720
Who the hell are you?
180
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,000
Murphy!
181
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,140
Are we the first ones here?
182
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,980
Oh, this looks really nice.
183
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:34,160
Oh, man, I hate funerals. They always
remind me of death.
184
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:36,240
We're just doing a funeral.
185
00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:39,060
all the deceased would be present.
186
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:44,080
This is such a sweet thing for you to
do, Murphy.
187
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:48,320
Well, it's the least I could do
considering how close Jack and I were.
188
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,440
Did you put out a Bible? You know, in
case anyone wants to pray?
189
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,260
I don't think I have one.
190
00:11:55,180 --> 00:11:58,520
There may be some religious pamphlets
that were left at the door. I'll be
191
00:11:58,520 --> 00:11:59,520
back.
192
00:12:05,130 --> 00:12:07,730
Looks like old Jack's getting one hell
of a send -off.
193
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:12,190
If there were a Jack. Oh, man, we got
her.
194
00:12:16,150 --> 00:12:20,050
You filled it with popcorn?
195
00:12:20,330 --> 00:12:23,750
Dear Lord, what if she peeked inside you
to blow the whole thing? It was Larry
196
00:12:23,750 --> 00:12:25,310
the Prop Guy's idea. We couldn't resist.
197
00:12:26,690 --> 00:12:30,030
Has anybody else had the thought that
this might be a really mean trick to be
198
00:12:30,030 --> 00:12:31,030
playing on Murphy?
199
00:12:31,070 --> 00:12:32,070
Yes, Corky, I have.
200
00:12:32,430 --> 00:12:35,150
But it was shouted down by that other
thought that says, ooh, baby, she
201
00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:36,150
this.
202
00:12:36,490 --> 00:12:40,290
She's been asking for this for 18 years.
Look, the crew just wanted her to
203
00:12:40,290 --> 00:12:43,670
realize she doesn't know him. Nobody
thought it would go this far. Yeah, all
204
00:12:43,670 --> 00:12:46,970
had to do was admit she didn't remember
Jack, it would have all been over, but
205
00:12:46,970 --> 00:12:50,810
she is so stumped. She's also blonde,
loud, and cranky in the morning. Duh,
206
00:12:50,810 --> 00:12:51,810
Frank.
207
00:12:52,290 --> 00:12:56,290
Jim, I gotta hand it to you. Your take
when you looked at the urn was classic.
208
00:12:56,450 --> 00:12:57,870
Really, I thought it was a little big.
209
00:12:59,690 --> 00:13:01,990
You guys, I tell you, she is...
210
00:13:02,190 --> 00:13:05,610
Putty in our hands. I think we should go
all the way and tell her that Jack's
211
00:13:05,610 --> 00:13:07,490
last wish was to be buried in her
backyard.
212
00:13:12,890 --> 00:13:14,710
Introducing the Hulk. I think it's time
to begin.
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Places, people.
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Sorry, it's a habit.
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Oh, Murphy, sit here.
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I feel closer to Jack with you near me.
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Well, I think we all know why we're
here.
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To give somebody we work with exactly
what they deserve.
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I'd like to say a few words about Jack,
but there's someone here I feel who can
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express what we're all feeling better
than anyone.
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Murphy?
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No, thank you. Oh, please, Murphy.
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For me?
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Well, gee,
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I really wanted Miles to be here.
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Boy.
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Well.
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Well, what can you say about a man like
Jack?
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A man who touched all our lives.
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Yep.
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I know this week has been pretty rough
on me because, as you know,
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Jack touched all our lives.
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You said that already, Murphy. I know.
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I just don't think it can be said enough
because, you know, Jack touched all our
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lives. I think everyone here loved
Jack's smile.
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Why don't you say something about his
smile?
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Oh, his smile.
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Well, what can you say about a smile
like that?
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It just...
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lit up a room even without the teeth
yeah
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well that's why it lit up a room because
it was just so darn goofy murphy
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it'd be great if you could talk about
that lunch he always ate oh well i i
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like i've been hogging the floor and i
know a lot of you have memories you'd
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like to share so well Actually, I'd love
to tell the story of you and Jack and
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the Phillips head screwdriver.
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Oh, great.
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Oh, it is such a terrific story.
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You see, Jack and Murphy were... Oh, but
I won't do it justice.
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You tell me.
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Well, it all goes back to a day when
Jack was screwing something.
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Screwing something in, rather.
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And I asked him if I could borrow his
screwdriver.
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And he said yes.
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And so he gave it to me.
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And then I took it.
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And I'm sorry.
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I don't remember the screwdriver.
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I don't remember the story.
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And the truth is, I don't remember Jack.
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Murphy, it's funny you should say that
because, well, we all have something to
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tell you. No, no, no, just let me
finish.
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I'm ashamed to say this, but this man
who touched all your lives
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didn't touch mine at all.
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And I really feel a sense of loss
because you've painted a picture of a
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really wish I'd gotten to know.
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But he's gone now, and I blew it.
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But the only thing that makes me feel a
little better...
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is knowing that there was this man who
existed, who was simple and
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kind and good, and with whom, though I
don't remember it, I shared a
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moment.
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Gee, I thought this part would be a
whole lot funnier.
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Well, Murphy's speech was very touching.
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Don't you think we should all go now?
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who moves a foot leaves it here. Now,
what the hell is going on?
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Silverberg, talk.
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Uh, well, uh, I thought they told you,
uh, this
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whole thing, the, uh, uh, service and
the letter and, and everything, um, it
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like sort of a, a setup.
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Um, I brought napkins.
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technically jack isn't exactly dead and
who's in the
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urn jiffy pop i
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ran into 40 chairs for a tub of
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wanted to teach you a lesson.
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You've never taken the time to know any
of them, even though these decent, loyal
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people have been working with you for
the past 18 years.
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And I believe they've proven their
point.
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Point? I know the crew, and personally,
I find it an extremely poor taste to
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pretend that a great guy like Jack is
dead.
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Murph, there is no Jack.
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No Jack?
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We made him up.
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stinks. He was the only member of the
crew who liked me.
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We had no idea it was going to go this
far.
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Well, then you really have egg on your
faces, don't you? Because you spent all
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this time and effort trying to prove a
point that didn't need to be proven.
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Because I know everybody and frankly...
What's my name?
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Are we really going to do this?
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Okay, you're Joe the video guy.
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Close. Steve the cameraman.
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Well, you've got to admit, when you're
not standing behind a camera, you look a
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lot like Joe the video guy.
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I'm the video guy.
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My name's Tom.
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Well, what happened to Joe?
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There is no Joe.
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Okay, maybe there's a couple of people I
don't know. I'm Jeannie. And travel?
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We've talked a million times, but you
didn't know me.
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And the guy who brought you the urn?
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That was Dave, the construction foreman.
He's done community theater.
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I know the construction foreman has a
beard, and his name is Dale.
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I'm Dale.
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But you're Sam.
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Are you Sam?
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Is there a Sam?
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How about Mike?
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Where is Mike?
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Oh, come on. There's got to be a Mike.
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There's always...
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Hi, Marge. Jesse, have you got my mic?
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Gil, how are those four kids?
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Enjoying your golf game, Kenny?
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Okay, one more week and I'll have it, I
swear.
25202
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