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1
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Murphy, as a medical professional, I
feel it's my duty to tell you if you
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stop eating so much, the next time I
weigh you, it's going to be down at the
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zoo.
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00:00:23,970 --> 00:00:25,510
Oh, sure. Blame me.
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You're the one that has a giant bowl of
carrot clusters in the waiting room. By
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00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:30,980
the way, it needs refilling. Now,
listen.
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The worse shape you're in, the harder
your delivery's going to be. Haven't
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talked about that in your Lamaze class?
9
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Oh, right, the Lamaze class. You know, I
was going to sign up, and then I
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00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:44,120
started thinking, this whole natural
childbirth thing doesn't seem very
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practical. We're both busy women. So I
just thought maybe we should go ahead
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schedule a cesarean right now.
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00:00:51,820 --> 00:00:54,900
Let me get this straight. You want to
schedule a C -section?
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Uh -huh. Now, my due date is the 17th,
but that's a Sunday, and all the good
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stores are closed, which means I'll wind
up with a room full of junk from the
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hospital gift shop. So I thought maybe
we could do it on Monday, the 18th, and
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I'm not really a morning person, so
could we do it after lunch?
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Why not wait until after dinner? I'm
always a little looser after a couple of
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glasses of Chardonnay.
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Murphy, we do not schedule C -sections
unless there's a solid medical reason
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it. I'm surprised at you. I would have
thought you would want the whole natural
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childbirth experience.
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All right, the unforgettable thrill of
passing a bowling ball. Oh, boy, sign me
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up.
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Look, Murphy, if you didn't want to go
through the harvest, you shouldn't have
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let that farmer plant your field.
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Gee, to get yourself a partner and sign
up for one of those Lamaze classes as
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soon as possible.
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Okay, okay, but I still say it's a waste
of time.
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I already know how to breathe, and I'm
the last person in the world that needs
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to learn how to push.
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Yeah, tell me about it.
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Hey, Mer, how's it going?
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Working at the old computer, huh?
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Good.
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Just thought I'd drop by.
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See how things went at the doctor today?
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176 pounds, Frank.
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00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:09,400
Unbelievable. Earl in the mailroom wins
the pool again.
40
00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:15,060
Frank, I have to ask you something.
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It's kind of silly, and I'll understand
if you say no, but I signed up for one
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of those natural childbirth classes
where you need a coach, and I was
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would you... Are you kidding?
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Of course I'll do it. I mean, to
actually help bring a child into the
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I... I can't imagine anything that would
be more incredible.
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And the fact that it's your kid.
47
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Oh, Murph, I can't tell you what this
means to me.
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Great. The first class is this Saturday.
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I can't make it. What do you mean you
can't make it?
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00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:46,800
I've got to be in Connecticut for the
closing of that naval shipyard. But I
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make all the rest of the classes. You
just take notes and I'll catch up when I
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get back.
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I don't know, Frank.
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I don't think this is going to work. I'm
taking one of those compressed classes
55
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that covers everything in two weekends.
You'll miss too much. Oh, man.
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My best friend, a once -in -a -lifetime
experience, and I won't be there.
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Murph, I'm going to make this up to you.
I'm going to find somebody to take my
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place, somebody who's not out of town
half the time.
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What about Jim?
60
00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:12,900
Okay, it's worth a shot. Why not?
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Jim, buddy, guess what?
62
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Murphy just stepped back from the
doctor, and she has got some great news
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you, don't you, Murph?
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Well... I won the pool!
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Yes! And Earl in the mail room said 200
pounds was over the top.
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Jim, Jim, you didn't win the pool.
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Murphy wants you to be her Lamaze
partner.
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Oh.
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Oh, my.
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What an unexpected surprise.
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Oh, Jim, I didn't mean to embarrass you.
It's okay. It was just a stupid idea.
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No, no, no. Murphy, I'm deeply
flattered. It's just that...
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I come from a generation that doesn't
handle this sort of thing very well,
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honestly.
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Doris and I were married five years
before we stopped undressing in the
76
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It's okay, Jim. I understand.
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No, I'm sorry, Murphy, but if there's
anything else you need, you can count on
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me. Why, I'll even drive you and the
little fellow home from the hospital, as
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long as we can find some way to protect
my upholstery against any unforeseen
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baby leakage.
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As a matter of fact, I think the seats
are already treated, and if they're not,
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perhaps there's still time. Why don't I
call my dealership and find out right
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now?
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All right, so Jim's out. There are a lot
of other possibilities.
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What about Miles?
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He's used to dealing with pressure.
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Miles, come here, sir.
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Go ahead, ask him.
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Ask me what?
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Miles, would you like to be my Lamaze
partner?
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Oh, my God.
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Oh, my God.
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Murphy, that you would ask me to do
this?
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It means so much.
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This isn't something you ask your boss.
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This is something you ask a friend, a
close friend, someone you really...
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couldn't do it, right?
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Scheduling problems.
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It's okay, I understand.
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I mean, you've known each other since
you got here. But the fact that you
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pick me second, that is still so... Jim
was second, wasn't he?
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Kyle, first choice, third choice, who
cares?
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The point is, you're the one who's going
to do it. You're the one she's going to
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be depending on.
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That's all that matters.
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You're right, Frank. I was just being
selfish.
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This isn't about me. It's about Murphy.
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Hi. What are you all talking about?
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Miles is going to be Murphy's Lamaze
partner.
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Really?
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Oh, Miles, that is so wonderful.
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Sharing an experience as incredible as
this.
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Holding her hand through those long
hours of labor.
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Cooling her forehead as the contractions
build.
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when the baby's head actually emerges
from the breast. Oh,
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I envy you.
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Gee, it is going to be amazing, isn't
it, Murphy?
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You and me?
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Can you imagine that first story meeting
after the baby's born?
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Oh, I'll look across the table and I...
I won't just see Murphy Brown, hard
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-nosed journalist and colleague.
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No, I'll see a woman whose innermost
secrets were spread out in front of me
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a buffet table.
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Maybe we should just forget about this.
I'm going to spend the rest of my life
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trying.
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Okay, this is not a problem.
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We've still got lots of options.
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Of course you do.
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And one of them is standing right here.
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Who better than a woman to give you the
compassion you'll need in your time of
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trial?
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And don't forget, Murphy, I was brought
up on a farm.
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I've had my arm in a cow all the way up
to here.
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Ellen?
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Ellen, are you here?
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Ah, you're home.
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You will be very happy to know that I
adjusted the angle of that prism that I
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hung in the nursery window.
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Tomorrow morning, the room will be
flooded with rainbows.
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And I think I got rid of that reflection
that caused that trash can fire next
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door.
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Do you have a minute? I wanted to talk
to you about something.
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Sure. Great. Why don't we just go sit on
the sofa, put our feet up, and have a
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chat, okay?
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Okay.
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Comfy?
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Why are you being so nice? Oh, God, did
you hit my truck again?
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Ellen, isn't it funny how when you have
a problem and you don't think there's a
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solution, Sometimes you look in front of
you and you see that the answer has
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been there the whole time.
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Eldon, what I'm trying to say is...
Eldon, I want you to be my Lamaze
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Oh.
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So... My moment of truth has come at
last.
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You know, for some reason, I never
pictured it like this.
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I thought we'd be in the kitchen. I
don't know why.
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I know we're kind of an unlikely pair,
but... Since you've been so excited and
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concerned about this baby, I thought
this might be something you'd want to
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So did I. I mean, wow, I always figured
that when this tiny
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person took its first breath that I
would be there. But now that it's
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happening, I realize, well, we're
talking major commitment here. You know,
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always been a free spirit. I'm a
rambling man. I don't stick around in
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very long. Melvin, you've been painting
my house for four years.
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Okay. Okay, but I could have left if I
wanted to. See, that's my point.
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If I do this, then I'm part of something
much bigger than I am.
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And maybe I'd never be able to leave
again.
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Wow, is that something I really want?
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All right, all right, I understand.
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As a matter of fact, I don't even know
if I'm going to take this class myself.
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I'm only doing it because my doctor
wanted me to.
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It'd probably be a complete waste of
time.
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Wait, wait, wait a minute.
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What are you saying, that you're going
to go into this thing totally alone and
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unprepared? You know what a screamer you
are.
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You'll probably alienate everyone at the
hospital, create an environment of
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hostility, bitterness.
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I can't let a child be born into a room
with that kind of energy.
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Eldon, are you telling me you'll do it?
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I'll take the class and see how it
feels, but that's all I can promise
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now. Thank you.
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I know what a big step this is for you.
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What are you kidding? The last time I
made this kind of commitment, I had to
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four albums a year at regular club
prices.
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Now, before we begin, I want to
congratulate you all on choosing Natural
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Childbirth.
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It's going to be one of the most magical
and profound experiences of your lives.
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All you need is your innate ability to
love.
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And support each other?
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Oh, sure, take the cop aside. Serious
crimes are being committed, and he
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his days stopping pregnant women from
minor traffic violations.
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You made a U -turn across four lanes.
How else was I going to get that parking
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space? Hi, I'm sorry we're late.
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Oh, it's no problem. We were just
getting started.
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Honey, it's Murphy Brown.
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Hey, how about that?
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We got a celebrity in the class.
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Maybe we should get started.
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Murphy, why don't you and Mr. Brown take
a seat? Whoa, whoa, whoa. My name is
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Eldon Bernicke. I am not her husband.
199
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I'm the house painter.
200
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Hey, it's okay, man.
201
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As long as you love each other, right?
202
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Oh, what a series of strange and twisted
events that has brought me to this
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place today.
204
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I'll be teaching you techniques to help
alleviate the anxiety surrounding the
205
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birth process.
206
00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:13,720
One technique is to visualize something
that makes you feel secure or happy.
207
00:11:14,020 --> 00:11:15,840
What are some of the things you'd
visualize?
208
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:22,120
Elizabeth? Well, I would picture our
beautiful and brilliant new baby asleep
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her custom -made crib with sheets by
Laura Ashley.
210
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:27,520
Good answer.
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00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:31,240
Practical, stylish, emotionally
arresting. How many points do we get for
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not keeping score, Jonathan.
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00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:40,600
Lisa? Well, I think I'd like to
visualize our little dog, Pepper,
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way he wags his tail when it's dinner
time.
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That's a great image.
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00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:51,080
Sally? My rose garden on a sunny day
with the beams of light sort of dancing
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the red and pink petals.
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Wonderful. And what are you seeing,
Morphy?
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A big fat IV full of painkillers.
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00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,420
Karen, you're a little bit of fear.
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After all, this is a life -altering
experience. It's natural to have some
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concerns. Let's express our fears now
and confront them. Anyone?
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00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,080
Well, actually, we do have some fears.
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This is our first baby.
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Dave and I always concentrated on our
careers, and I was going to say that.
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And? Well, at our age, we know it won't
be easy, but we're a team, and we're
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going to face this thing together.
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Excuse me, Dave.
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Together? What exactly do you mean by
that? You'll push out the baby for a few
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hours while Sally strolls across the
street to the driving range to hit a
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of balls?
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00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,480
I just want to remind everyone I'm not
her husband.
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Murphy, I think all Dave is saying is
that he wants to do whatever he can to
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make it easy for his wife.
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In committing to this process, the birth
coach takes on tremendous
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responsibility. The mother may become
completely dependent on him, looking to
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him to help her through the most
challenging hours of her life.
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Yes, Elvin?
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Uh, yeah, I have a few questions.
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Is the baby slippery when it comes out?
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00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:18,780
And will I be wearing a glove or some
sort of mitt to catch the baby?
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00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,380
Has anyone ever dropped a baby?
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00:13:21,780 --> 00:13:26,940
And can a baby see, like, if I was to
take off? And would it remember that
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00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:27,940
in life?
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00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,340
You're going to do fine, Alvin. Huh?
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00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,840
Touch relaxation is a way of reducing
anxiety.
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00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:44,600
Light stroking of the hair should be
done in a gentle, even rhythm to achieve
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00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:45,600
calming effect.
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00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,080
practicing a relaxation technique.
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00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:10,560
Well, geez, why don't you just toss me a
biscuit and check my belly for tics?
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00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:17,380
You know, I don't understand this. I'm
the only one who's doing any work here.
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00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:20,900
Oh, why should I work? Everything
they're teaching is just common sense.
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00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,800
When the time comes, the baby will be
born, and that's it.
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00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:25,860
Sorry for the delay.
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00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:27,700
I was on the phone with Robin.
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00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,100
He and Lisa had their baby.
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00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:31,920
Oh, wait a minute.
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00:14:32,420 --> 00:14:33,840
What do you mean they had their baby?
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00:14:34,220 --> 00:14:35,900
She's not due until the week after I am.
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00:14:36,380 --> 00:14:40,200
This might be a good time to remind
everyone that a due date is just an
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00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:43,360
approximation. The important thing is
that Robbie and Lisa came through with
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00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,239
flying colors.
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00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,460
Oh, yeah? Let's hear some specifics. How
long did it take?
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Not unusually long for a first baby.
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00:14:49,820 --> 00:14:52,420
Well, what does that mean? 10 hours? 15?
20?
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00:14:53,340 --> 00:14:54,340
39?
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00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:56,920
Did you hear that?
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00:14:57,700 --> 00:15:00,320
39 hours. That's a bus ride to Boise.
269
00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:03,390
This may be tougher than we thought.
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00:15:03,630 --> 00:15:04,549
Gee, no kidding.
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00:15:04,550 --> 00:15:07,310
Tell me, Dave, have you ever tried to
get out of your car through the exhaust
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00:15:07,310 --> 00:15:08,310
pipe?
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00:15:08,970 --> 00:15:11,870
Why don't we practice the breathing
techniques we learned last week?
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Let's start with the pattern for active
labor.
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Okay, what do we do?
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Oh, I see. You don't pay attention. You
don't read the literature. Then expect
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00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:22,250
me to come to your aid.
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00:15:22,650 --> 00:15:23,710
Eldon, would you please?
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00:15:25,230 --> 00:15:26,250
Okay, you do this.
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00:15:26,830 --> 00:15:28,310
Heat, heat, heat.
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00:15:28,550 --> 00:15:29,550
Hold it.
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00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:31,820
Come on, that can't be right.
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00:15:35,140 --> 00:15:36,140
What are you doing?
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00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:41,400
Stop watching me.
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00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,260
Chris, she's copying us!
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00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:50,660
I was not. I was simply admiring their
technique.
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00:15:50,940 --> 00:15:54,740
Maybe there's something I can do to show
you how important all this is. Get
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00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:55,740
comfortable, everybody.
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00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,600
The first sensations are felt.
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00:16:12,140 --> 00:16:15,620
You're about to begin your labor of
love.
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00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,160
Hang in there, honey. You're doing
great.
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00:16:26,740 --> 00:16:28,340
She's beautiful, honey.
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00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:30,180
And so are you.
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00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,780
So there you have it. The birth
experience.
295
00:16:38,730 --> 00:16:39,629
Close and personal.
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00:16:39,630 --> 00:16:43,810
It's one thing to talk about it in
theory and another to actually witness
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00:16:43,810 --> 00:16:46,510
process with all its wonders and its...
What the...
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00:17:16,460 --> 00:17:19,960
the breathing exercises right now. And
after that, I need to review the
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00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:23,319
positions. I can't remember if you...
Hey, come on. We covered that stuff
300
00:17:23,319 --> 00:17:27,200
already. You know, Dave, you've got an
awful lot to say for somebody without a
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00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,580
uterus. All right, now let's buckle down
here.
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00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,860
Transition labor. Who can tell me what
that is?
303
00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:37,140
I'm sorry, Murphy.
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00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:40,220
It's almost 5 o 'clock. Time to call an
end to our training.
305
00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:44,700
I hope you all found the class helpful,
and I wish you the best of luck. Luck?
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00:17:45,770 --> 00:17:48,670
for this class. If this was about luck,
I'd be having this baby on the crap
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00:17:48,670 --> 00:17:50,450
table at Caesars. Are you not dreaming?
308
00:17:50,750 --> 00:17:51,890
I have a lot of questions.
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00:17:52,370 --> 00:17:53,790
Thanks a lot, Chris. I learned a lot.
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00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:57,990
Okay, okay. During active labor, I can
stand, walk, sit in a rocking chair...
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00:17:57,990 --> 00:18:00,830
Well, I'll tell you how it all goes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I'm at four
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00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:04,390
centimeters, I have how many minutes...
You are an excellent teacher, Chris. I
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00:18:04,390 --> 00:18:05,410
feel totally prepared.
314
00:18:05,830 --> 00:18:08,030
Will you stop sucking up? I'm in the
middle of a question.
315
00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:11,850
I'm going to videotape the whole thing.
I'll send you a copy.
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00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,050
Great.
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00:18:19,950 --> 00:18:23,390
you should take another class. Yes,
another class. That's exactly what I
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00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:24,450
When are you teaching again?
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00:18:24,890 --> 00:18:26,770
Murphy, may I tell you something?
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00:18:27,650 --> 00:18:31,290
I'd rather give birth to a two -ton
flatbed truck than to go through another
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00:18:31,290 --> 00:18:32,290
class with you.
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00:18:32,490 --> 00:18:33,970
No, no, that's not enough.
323
00:18:34,170 --> 00:18:36,210
A two -ton truck loaded with farm
equipment.
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00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:40,310
No, no, no. Loaded with one of those big
tractors they use to pull the space
325
00:18:40,310 --> 00:18:41,610
shuttle under the launch pad.
326
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,580
It was nice meeting you, and good luck.
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00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:53,620
You're gonna need it.
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00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:58,880
Oh, Doug.
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00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:04,300
This... This is incredible.
330
00:19:06,220 --> 00:19:10,080
For the past eight months, I've been
going along saying, I'm fine.
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00:19:11,220 --> 00:19:12,920
But this is really gonna happen.
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00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:16,100
Eldon.
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00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:19,160
if I'm ready for this baby.
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00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,280
Well, you don't know. What about me?
335
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,160
I mean, I came to this class expecting
to figure some things out.
336
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:30,120
And look at me. I can't even figure out
how to get this baby out of this stupid
337
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:31,120
sweater.
338
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,500
You know, I always act like such a jerk.
339
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:37,100
Making fun of love and togetherness and
all that stuff.
340
00:19:38,780 --> 00:19:40,180
I guess it just makes me uncomfortable.
341
00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:43,820
I've always done things on my own.
342
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:45,880
And usually...
343
00:19:46,870 --> 00:19:47,870
It's been okay.
344
00:19:49,850 --> 00:19:52,630
But I don't know.
345
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:59,650
Maybe I'll finally hit that place in my
life where it's time to admit I need
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00:19:59,650 --> 00:20:00,650
somebody.
347
00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:05,430
Alvin, I'd like that somebody to be you.
348
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:18,680
As an artist, I tend to look at people
as works in progress.
349
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:24,940
Some don't turn into very much, and
others can really surprise you.
350
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:30,780
You know, when I first met you, I
thought, well, you had some interesting
351
00:20:30,780 --> 00:20:36,840
colors, but I have to be honest, I
really wasn't very impressed.
352
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,900
But lately, those tones have been
getting much deeper.
353
00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:49,300
It's a real nice look for you.
354
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:54,440
What are you saying, Eldon?
355
00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:57,360
Are you saying you'll do it? You'll be
there for me?
356
00:20:58,560 --> 00:20:59,560
Oh, God.
357
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:02,760
Oh, God.
358
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:07,440
Okay.
359
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:10,600
Thank you.
360
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:12,960
Come on, I'll take you home.
361
00:21:15,210 --> 00:21:17,530
I'm still pretty scared about this whole
thing, you know.
362
00:21:17,770 --> 00:21:18,770
I know.
363
00:21:18,910 --> 00:21:20,510
Just breathe.
364
00:21:23,370 --> 00:21:28,310
Hang in there, honey. You're going to be
just fine.
365
00:21:28,550 --> 00:21:30,170
Honey? It was in the movie.
366
00:21:36,330 --> 00:21:39,770
Up next on Roseanne, there's trouble at
the Connor household.
367
00:21:40,170 --> 00:21:42,530
Alien lifeforms have invaded and they're
taking over.
368
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:44,680
Good Lord, they're after the corn.
369
00:21:44,900 --> 00:21:48,140
Actually, we're just messing with you.
That's not what happened at all. They're
370
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:49,440
really after the broccoli.
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00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,600
Roseanne is next on Nick at Night.
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