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Because of tonight's Phil Silver
special, immediately following the
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00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:20,780
Silver show presented by the R .J.
Reynolds Tobacco Company and the Luxe
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00:00:20,780 --> 00:00:24,580
Playhouse, brought to you by Lever
Brothers, will not be seen. They will
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00:00:24,580 --> 00:00:27,320
next week at their usual times on most
of these stations.
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00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:41,200
The Pontiac Star Parade, brought to you
by Pontiac and your authorized Pontiac
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00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:46,470
dealer. who proudly sell the beautiful
59 pontiac america's number one road car
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00:00:46,470 --> 00:00:52,930
present for january phil silvers in keep
in step
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00:00:52,930 --> 00:00:59,570
also starring diana doors and paul ford
and special guest star sydney chaplin
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00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:16,240
That's a nice beginning.
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00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,360
Nice to be back again for the Pontiac
people. And isn't this a wonderful car?
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00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:24,160
Say, I hope the show is good tonight
because I have a hunch if it isn't,
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take the car back.
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And I've grown to love it. Look what
they did for me. Listen to this horn.
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Isn't that great? It's me. They've
captured the real me.
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00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:39,480
Well, should we get on with it?
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On with the wind.
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No.
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On with the place.
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On with the show.
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Hooray, hooray, hooray for Hollywood.
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00:02:18,140 --> 00:02:21,740
The people always having lots of fun
there around.
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Oh, cut, cut, cut, cut. Oh, come on.
Salud.
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00:02:26,340 --> 00:02:29,240
Where's the fire? Where's the spirit?
Don't you know you're supposed to be a
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00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:32,760
group of carefree, happy -go -lucky
playboys now? Where's the elegance?
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00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,200
the savoir -faire? Where's the gaiety?
Is that so hard?
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It's almost impossible after three hours
of latrine duty. All right, Spencer, no
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more food.
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00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:43,520
Wishes I don't need now. Come on. Let's
work on it. We only got two days before
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we open.
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Have you forgotten I promised the
Colonel this is going to be the greatest
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00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:51,410
show that Camp Fremont has ever seen? An
extravaganza? Some extravaganza. Shock
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theater with music. I heard that.
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One more crack out of you, I'll see that
you never work in show business again.
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Promise me. Oh, shut up. I'm going to do
it from the top. Now, look at that.
35
00:03:00,870 --> 00:03:01,870
All right, girls.
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Stop primping. We're taking the number
from the top.
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Beauties of the silver screen and sugar.
Watch the temples, will you? Don't rush
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00:03:07,170 --> 00:03:10,210
the actors, will you, please? From the
top. One, and two, and.
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00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:18,390
to serenade the lovely ladies we adore.
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The lovely ladies of a bygone day, a
bygone day.
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00:03:24,190 --> 00:03:30,910
They used to entertain us on the silver
strings of yore. I'd like to join you
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fellows, if I may.
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Let's take a little sentimental stroll
down memory lane and see those cinemamas
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00:03:41,670 --> 00:03:43,650
once again.
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00:03:45,650 --> 00:03:52,430
again who can set my heart on fire and
fill me with a man's desire
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00:03:52,430 --> 00:03:59,410
those lovely beauties of the silver
screen who could
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00:03:59,410 --> 00:04:06,150
make me wreck my life desert my kids and
leave my wife those lovely beauties
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00:04:06,150 --> 00:04:07,970
of the silver screen
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00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:17,970
Heaven seems much nearer when I look at
Norma's chair. And when Greta Garbo
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00:04:17,970 --> 00:04:20,029
speaks, the world is green.
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00:04:20,910 --> 00:04:27,650
Green with envy, who could make me jump
for joy? And make me glad that I'm a
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00:04:27,650 --> 00:04:31,770
boy? Ask me and I'll tell you who I
mean.
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00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:39,210
Those facts are hailing beauties of the
children's dreams.
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Beauty is a fleeting thing. It wasn't
meant to last.
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00:04:45,270 --> 00:04:47,850
Too soon it disappears into the void.
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00:04:48,650 --> 00:04:53,710
But we could keep our memories of those
beauties of the past as long as they're
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preserved and celluloid.
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00:04:56,950 --> 00:04:58,490
Romeo had Juliet.
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00:04:58,830 --> 00:05:00,850
Red Butler had Scarlet O 'Hara.
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00:05:01,090 --> 00:05:05,270
King Kong had Fay Wray. But we, we've
got Vita Farrah!
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00:05:31,180 --> 00:05:33,920
a pinnacle, a hardest, purest throw.
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00:05:34,740 --> 00:05:38,040
A bashful eye, she never played the top.
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00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:43,660
How soon we'd forgotten those golden
days of long ago, when Mary Pickpock was
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America's sweetheart.
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00:06:05,550 --> 00:06:07,130
This lady was the best.
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00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:09,930
Who remembers what Horace Greeley said?
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00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:12,870
There you are, young man. There you are.
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00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:56,400
Just like the bathtub gin they sold,
Clara's wiggle wasn't legal.
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00:07:33,710 --> 00:07:37,450
We jumped for joy because my mother had
a boy.
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00:07:37,710 --> 00:07:40,970
Ask me and I'll tell you who I mean.
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00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:45,410
Those bachelor ladies.
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00:07:45,790 --> 00:07:46,930
Aren't they lovely?
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Take a look at that. Aren't they
gorgeous?
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00:07:50,770 --> 00:07:52,670
Look at those lovely ladies.
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00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,920
Is that a feeling of nostalgia in it?
What? I don't know, Sarge. I don't know.
76
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:15,920
don't know. What's wrong?
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00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:19,180
Well, the colonel appropriated money for
real girls, the real entertainers. I
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00:08:19,180 --> 00:08:20,180
think he's going to be sore.
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00:08:20,340 --> 00:08:21,319
Oh, you.
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00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:22,320
Use your imagination.
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00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,860
Hensher, how did it feel to you? Like 30
days in the guardhouse.
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00:08:26,460 --> 00:08:28,960
Why didn't you think of that before I
brewed the money for this show on a six
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00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,360
-horse parley? Now you're becoming a
conscience -stricken man.
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00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:32,919
All right.
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00:08:32,919 --> 00:08:34,500
The whole number. All over again.
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00:08:36,539 --> 00:08:38,520
Oh, no, you don't, Bilko.
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00:08:38,820 --> 00:08:41,559
Colonel. Oh, well, we just got through
rehearsing, sir.
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00:08:41,799 --> 00:08:45,060
Kill the scenery. Get the lights off.
All right, girls, watch those costumes.
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00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:46,160
Hold it, men!
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00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:50,260
Sir, it's a little rough in spots, but
it's a lovely number, sir. I'm sorry you
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00:08:50,260 --> 00:08:52,180
missed it. I didn't miss a thing, Belko.
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00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:53,560
You didn't?
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00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:56,100
Where were you, sir? In the worst place
possible.
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00:08:56,340 --> 00:08:57,340
Out front.
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00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:03,000
Well, sir, believe me, we'll work on it,
sir, and you'll never know this number.
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00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:06,900
It'll have such a lift to it, sir.
You'll be so proud. I saw the whole ugly
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00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:11,340
mess. And that goes for Mary Pickford,
Peter Barra, and who are you?
98
00:09:11,780 --> 00:09:12,780
Bridget Vardo, sir.
99
00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:17,300
Are you wearing any yellow? No, just a
bikini, sir.
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00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:22,220
When we smooth the number out, you'll be
so proud. The men in the cab will be
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00:09:22,220 --> 00:09:25,820
talking about this for days. Bilko, I
appropriated funds for you to hire
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00:09:25,820 --> 00:09:29,520
professional entertainers. Where's the
money, Bilko? Well, so, this same show
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00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:32,620
with subdued lighting would be such a
thrill to the people. Where's the money,
104
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:35,520
Bilko? Maybe so, when they see the
prancing and the dancing, they're
105
00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:36,620
Where's the money, Bilko?
106
00:09:37,130 --> 00:09:38,570
One question at a time, sir.
107
00:09:38,830 --> 00:09:42,410
Bilko, I'm not only calling this show
off. I'm going to see to it that you pay
108
00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:43,990
back that money out of your salary.
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00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:47,410
Sir, I'm sure you'll reconsider. No,
I've had enough.
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00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:51,130
From now on, show business is out of
bounds at Camp Fremont.
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00:09:51,450 --> 00:09:56,510
And you, beauties of the silver screen,
back to the motor pool.
112
00:10:00,110 --> 00:10:01,110
Everybody's a critic.
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00:10:01,130 --> 00:10:03,350
I guarantee he wouldn't yell this way at
the theater guild.
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00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:07,120
Now what are we going to do?
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00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,200
Todd, now what are we... Stop! He's
getting an idea.
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00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:21,480
1971. What's that, Ernie? That's how
long it'll take me to pay the money
117
00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:25,800
Hey, Ernie, where do you see the ad for
the show? It's on the front page of the
118
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,000
camp newspaper. Get this.
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00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:32,140
Bilko's Brevity, the gay, witty,
scintillating, topical review featuring
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00:10:32,140 --> 00:10:34,600
most beautiful girls of the Golden West.
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00:10:35,130 --> 00:10:36,130
Pretty good, huh?
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00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:40,390
You know, Sarge, I'd go to see that show
if I hadn't already seen it. Oh, shut
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00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:44,190
up. Hey, Sarge, if you had him, your
worries would be over. Him? Who him? Who
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00:10:44,190 --> 00:10:47,870
him? Him, Lanny Langford. Listen to
this. Lanny Langford, writer, director,
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00:10:47,870 --> 00:10:51,470
star of the smash musical Melody Man,
has been recalled to active duty to
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00:10:51,470 --> 00:10:53,630
participate in a new army recruiting
drive.
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00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:56,310
He will star his tour of duty in San
Francisco on the 16th.
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00:10:57,010 --> 00:10:58,370
When's the 16th? Tomorrow.
129
00:10:59,250 --> 00:11:02,770
Gentlemen, I hope you're prepared to
welcome Private Lanny Langford to the
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00:11:02,770 --> 00:11:04,070
Campfield Motor Platoon.
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00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:08,040
Yeah, Fremont, but Sarge, it says he's
going on a recruiting tour. Wrong.
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00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:11,580
I'm going on a recruiting tour, and
Langford is going to be my first
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00:11:11,820 --> 00:11:15,320
I get it, Sarge. He's going to be the
star of Bilko's Brevity. This shoddy
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00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:16,420
little farce, are you kidding?
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00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:20,240
Langford's going to star in the greatest
soldier show since this is the Army, a
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00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:23,660
show worthy of his great name, Bilko's
Folly.
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00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,120
What floor is the Lenny Langford dress
conference on?
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00:12:15,660 --> 00:12:17,260
12th floor, this elevator, please.
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00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:19,120
Sodge.
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00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,040
Sodge. Do you think it'll work?
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00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:24,720
Not if you keep calling me Sodge.
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00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,400
Name is Holloway.
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00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,900
Lucius Holloway. San Francisco
correspondent from Playboy magazine.
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00:12:30,260 --> 00:12:31,260
Remember that.
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00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:33,360
Got enough flashbulbs? Yes, Luscious.
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00:12:33,860 --> 00:12:34,860
Lucius. Luscious.
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00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,300
Shake hands. Yeah, that's good. Great.
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00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,260
General, could you put your arm around
Lenny?
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00:12:43,099 --> 00:12:44,540
Okay, boys, that ought to do it.
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00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:48,220
Look, any of you folks care for a drink?
Now, just help yourselves.
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00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:51,420
Listen, I think we'd better get on with
the interview. We've got a deadline to
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00:12:51,420 --> 00:12:54,220
meet you now. Yeah, let's all sit down
and make ourselves comfortable, huh?
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00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:56,320
It's all yours. Just fire away.
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00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:59,720
Well, Mr. Lankford, how do you feel
about being recalled to Army duty?
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00:13:00,420 --> 00:13:03,800
Well, the Army's asked me to do a pretty
big job. I just hope I live up to their
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00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:04,800
expectations.
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00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,480
Excuse me, can you tell me where I can
find the Lanny Lankford press
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00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:09,439
Well, this is it.
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00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:10,239
Oh, splendid.
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00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,820
I'm Halloway. Labor magazine,
circulation, three million.
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00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,280
Oh, just sit down, Mr. Halloway. Hi
there, Lanny.
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00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,680
Greetings from Playboy's three million
readers.
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00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:20,120
No, not him, sir.
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00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:21,499
How's everybody?
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00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:25,320
Roll the presses. That's 30 for the
night. I love the expressions we use in
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newspaper, what we hear.
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00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,600
Nellie Bly, good to see you. How's
everybody?
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00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,460
Don't let me hold up anything. Fire
away.
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00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:35,390
Will you be getting a commission, Mr.
Langford? No, no, the Army feels I'll be
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00:13:35,390 --> 00:13:38,390
more effective in recruiting if I'm just
an ordinary private. Isn't that right,
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00:13:38,490 --> 00:13:39,570
General? That's right, Lenny.
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00:13:40,650 --> 00:13:42,370
Holloway, Playboy, I have a question.
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00:13:42,610 --> 00:13:43,609
Fire away.
174
00:13:43,610 --> 00:13:44,730
Where will you be stationed?
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00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,530
I think I can answer that, Holloway.
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00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:49,430
Private Langford will be stationed with
me in Washington.
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00:13:50,140 --> 00:13:51,140
Bravo, General.
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00:13:51,340 --> 00:13:52,400
That takes real courage.
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00:13:52,620 --> 00:13:53,279
What do you mean?
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00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:57,200
Well, a less courageous general would be
afraid of being accused of favoritism.
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00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:01,220
His first impulse would be to make a
play for a good press by sending a
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00:14:01,220 --> 00:14:06,980
celebrity like Lankford to some remote
post like Germany or Camp Fremont. But
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00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:07,980
not you, sir.
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00:14:08,020 --> 00:14:12,380
Well, I didn't think... Let the yellow
press cry favoritism. I'll protect you,
185
00:14:12,420 --> 00:14:14,760
sir and playboy, if it means tearing out
a pinup.
186
00:14:15,630 --> 00:14:16,589
and I have a question.
187
00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:18,470
Have you noticed that this is a tank for
starting?
188
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:19,690
Have you noticed?
189
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:23,410
Yes, I know your question. You want to
know why is General Wilson sending
190
00:14:23,410 --> 00:14:27,450
Private Langford to a plush hotel suite
in Washington, D .C., when ordinary
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00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:31,010
privates live 40 to a barrack in Camp
Tremont? Is that your question?
192
00:14:31,230 --> 00:14:33,330
That wasn't the question, but it's a
good point.
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00:14:34,330 --> 00:14:35,330
Oh,
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00:14:36,670 --> 00:14:37,930
let a minute lie me.
195
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:41,900
You don't have to qualify yourself for
these eager beaver scandal mongers. If
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00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:46,000
you want to wear Brooks Brothers custom
-made uniform, that's your privilege as
197
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,480
a pampered American president. Brooks
Brothers uniform!
198
00:14:49,460 --> 00:14:50,460
What?
199
00:14:51,460 --> 00:14:54,080
What? Who said that? Who said draft
doctor?
200
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:55,600
Draft doctor?
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00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:00,700
Do these people and by George, I'll be a
witness to you in any court in the
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00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:04,160
land. What's going on here? That's what
we'd like to know, General. Do we have a
203
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:05,560
democratic army or not?
204
00:15:07,630 --> 00:15:08,630
Just a minute.
205
00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:12,430
Must I remind you you're talking to a
general of the United States Army?
206
00:15:12,770 --> 00:15:13,770
Just a moment.
207
00:15:14,190 --> 00:15:18,530
Sir, what these journalistic jackals
want to know is simply this.
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00:15:18,950 --> 00:15:23,610
Is Langford going to spend his time at
the deluxe Stadler Hotel in Washington
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00:15:23,610 --> 00:15:26,450
in an ordinary bunk like any other
soldier at Camp Tremont?
210
00:15:27,430 --> 00:15:29,030
Now, just a darn moment.
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00:15:29,530 --> 00:15:34,710
Now, sir, even though your career hangs
in the balance, I know you will answer
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00:15:34,710 --> 00:15:36,070
with characteristic courage.
213
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:42,760
Ladies and gentlemen of the... Would you
speak a little slower? You're taking
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00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:46,100
shorthand here. I want this all down. Go
right ahead, sir. There is no question
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00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:50,320
in my mind that Private Langford is
going to be sent to Camp Fremont
216
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:57,320
immediately. Camp Fremont? That's a
scoop! Wait a minute. General, listen.
217
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:58,700
What about the recruiting?
218
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,940
Why, I think, there's no room in the
army for troublemakers.
219
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:03,420
Troublemakers?
220
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,140
The moment they heard that Lanny
Langford was on his way here, the wax
221
00:16:25,140 --> 00:16:29,740
wild, sir. It's really disgraceful. It
certainly is. Grown women acting like
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00:16:29,740 --> 00:16:30,800
scatterbrained kids.
223
00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:32,700
John. Oh, hello, Mrs. Hall.
224
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,400
Nell, what are you doing here?
225
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:38,680
John, has Lanny Langford arrived yet? I
want to invite him to dinner. Oh, Nell,
226
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:39,680
not you too.
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00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:42,480
But John, he's so cute. Nell, I'll see
you at home. I'm very busy. John, you
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will. I know exactly what he likes to
eat. I found it all in the fan magazine.
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I'll see you later.
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I'll see you later.
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I've never seen women carry on this way,
sir. The worst is yet to come. What do
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you mean, sir? You'll see. Wait until
Bilko's fan club swings into action.
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We're in luck, sir. It's only 11 o
'clock.
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00:17:01,530 --> 00:17:02,530
You're right.
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He won't be up for another two hours.
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00:17:05,230 --> 00:17:09,829
By that time, we can have Langford
processed and hard at work.
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00:17:10,770 --> 00:17:11,770
Come in.
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00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:18,460
I hope I'm not interrupting anything,
sir, but this is an emergency, sir. It
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must be to get you up before noon.
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00:17:20,319 --> 00:17:25,859
Oh, sir, you retain such a sparkling
wit. But, sir, there's a crisis, sir, a
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crisis at the motor pool. What's
happened now, Bilko? One of my key men
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injured, sir, and I must have an
immediate replacement, if you please,
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sorry, Bilko, there's nobody available.
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00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:37,340
Well, anyone will do. The greenest
recruit out of even this chap here,
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00:17:37,340 --> 00:17:38,700
Blonnie Langman, sir.
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00:17:38,980 --> 00:17:44,020
Bilko, you do as well as I do. It's not
Blonnie Langman, it's Lenny Langford.
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00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:46,900
Well, it doesn't matter. The name means
nothing to me. All I know is that poor
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00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,520
paparelli, sir. He's in agony.
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Come in, Dino.
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00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:50,900
Dino.
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00:17:52,740 --> 00:17:53,740
Sir,
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would you believe it? A few months ago,
this boy, this boy was the Artie Murphy
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of the grease gun, sir.
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00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:03,540
And now, now that shattered hand will
never lift the hood again, sir.
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00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:07,620
Please, sir, give me a replacement and
let this veteran get the rest he so
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00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,000
rarely needs, sir.
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00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:13,220
Sarge, please don't send me away. Maybe
I can learn to hold a screwdriver in my
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00:18:13,220 --> 00:18:14,220
teeth.
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Rest. Rest, brave warrior, rest.
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You'll campaign no more.
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00:18:18,780 --> 00:18:22,280
Paparelli, I'm sorry you're hurt. You
have 30 days sick leave coming if you'll
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00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:23,440
just sign this paper.
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00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,440
Oh, yes, sir. I'll get to it. What are
you doing?
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00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:30,640
Get out of here, Paparelli, while you're
still among the mocking moon.
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00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,140
You, you, you. You're a goldbreaker.
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00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:36,920
It's a hulk. I'm no part of it. Get out
of here. I just told him.
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00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,900
Out, out, out, out, out.
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00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,200
So far.
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00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,520
He repulsed the first wave.
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00:18:49,740 --> 00:18:52,160
Oh, but he'll strike again, sir.
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00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:56,260
Where can we put Langford so that Bilko
can't get his hands on him?
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00:18:56,620 --> 00:18:59,380
At the moment, I say we should store him
at Fort Knox.
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00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:01,220
Come in.
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00:19:01,460 --> 00:19:04,760
And we're going to settle this in front
of the colonel once and for all. Emma,
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00:19:04,820 --> 00:19:07,900
please, the colonel's busy. Oh, you'll
have to forgive her, sir. She hasn't
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00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:09,900
herself for the last ten years. Oh, shut
up.
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00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:11,360
Oh, shut up.
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00:19:13,130 --> 00:19:14,150
What's this all about?
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00:19:14,410 --> 00:19:16,590
It's about Bilko's poker game. That's
what it's all about.
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00:19:16,790 --> 00:19:20,370
Colonel, in the last three weeks, he's
lost his paycheck, our silverware, my
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00:19:20,370 --> 00:19:24,310
mother's pearl earrings, everything he
can lift, he's bet. Emma. Oh, don't you,
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00:19:24,370 --> 00:19:24,909
Emma, me.
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00:19:24,910 --> 00:19:29,390
You bet everything else, bet me. Look,
I'm a $5 poker chip. Bet me. You lose
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00:19:29,390 --> 00:19:30,770
everything else, you lose me.
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00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:32,590
I ain't got that kind of luck.
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00:19:32,950 --> 00:19:33,950
Oh.
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00:19:34,530 --> 00:19:38,870
Now you know the way he talks to me.
Please, please, Mrs. Rissinger, there
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00:19:38,870 --> 00:19:41,490
be some way to settle this. Yeah, in
Madison Square Garden.
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00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:48,100
I'll show everybody.
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00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,640
Look, everybody. You want to see the way
my husband hits me?
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00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,580
Mrs. Ritzig, I've had a very trying
morning.
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00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:59,260
What do you want me to do? I want you to
keep Bilko out of my sight, out of my
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00:19:59,260 --> 00:20:01,640
house, and out of my pocketbook. That's
what I want.
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00:20:01,860 --> 00:20:05,340
Very well. Sergeant Ritzig, from now on,
I want you to keep away from Bilko.
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00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,980
You're not to play poker with him.
You're not to talk to him. That's an
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00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,820
Thank you, Colonel. You're just
wonderful, and I can kiss you.
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00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,820
Don't. You've upset him enough already.
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00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:25,330
Grant George, I think I've solved the
problem of how to put Blankford out of
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00:20:25,330 --> 00:20:28,810
Bilko's reach. I'll put him in Ritzik's
platoon, and I'll quarter him in
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00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:29,629
Ritzik's house.
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00:20:29,630 --> 00:20:33,730
I see your strategy, sir. Bilko won't be
able to reach Ritzik during the day,
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00:20:33,770 --> 00:20:35,790
and he won't get past Mrs. Ritzik at
night.
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00:20:35,990 --> 00:20:36,990
That's it.
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00:20:41,350 --> 00:20:43,430
I'm frightened, Lance. I'm frightened,
Parker.
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00:20:44,230 --> 00:20:45,230
But why, sir?
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00:20:46,190 --> 00:20:47,750
I'm beginning to think like Bilko.
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00:20:49,710 --> 00:20:51,790
I can only end up in one of two places.
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00:20:52,570 --> 00:20:54,870
Chief of Staff or Alcatraz.
27050
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