All language subtitles for murphy_brown_s03e09_the_bummer_of_42

She's 42.

And when she graduated from high school,
I was one.

But that's no reason to make our lives
miserable.

Birthdays are peculiar creatures. The
glory of youth fading into distant

Another wrinkle seen in the mirror that
wasn't there yesterday.

Your wife buying you a barcalonger years
before your time.

singing in General Merriman at 4 p .m.
sharp.

Whoa!

What a haul!

There's more than last year. I think
we're going for a record here.

Hey, guys, I know that you all want to
wish me happy birthday in your own

special ways, but you're just going to
have to hold that thought. Some of my

gifts may be perishable.

come in big packages.

I really appreciate the thought, Carl,
but something tells me if I untied that

bow, both of us would regret it.

I wouldn't.

Find me at the end of the year. My
resistance is always down at the office

Christmas party.

Yes! I knew these French cut jeans would
get to her sooner or later.

This is your last chance, Frank. If you
want to chip in on the group gift for

Murphy, I'll be happy to take your money
now. Sorry, Miles. Murphy's my best

friend. I always get her something only
I would think of. I'm telling you,

Frank, you're going to regret not going
in with us. I hold in my hands the

perfect gift. That's right, Frank, and
it was my idea.

It was an ingenious choice, especially
for someone like Murphy who travels all

the time.

We got her a portable pants presser.

Uh, Jim, Corky, there's been a little
change in plan.

I decided not to go with the pants
presser.

I was in the store and I saw something
else. Better than a pants presser?

hard to believe.

We got Murphy a whole blood pressure
check kit.

It's great. A gift from the heart for
the heart.

Mike, you had no right to go against the
wishes of the group, Miles. We decided

on the pants presser. We wanted the
pants presser. Oh, no, we did not, Jim.

wanted the pants presser. I wanted to
give her the abdominizer. Hey, guys,

what Pete Rose made for me.

Brilliant idea that you come up with.
Not that anyone here would appreciate

I even amazed myself with this one.

I'd been racking my brain for months
trying to think, what do you get someone

who's got everything, right?

Finally, it came to me. I got Murphy.
Are you ready?

A sister.

A sister?

You mean like a nun?

No, not like a nun, like a sibling.

Murphy's an only child, right?

She once said to me she wondered what it
would be like to have a sister.

So I went to New York.

hired an actress to come here and be
Murphy's sister from noon till midnight.

Oh, this is the stupidest gift I've ever
heard of, Frank. You don't know how to

buy for women. I was going to say
something when you bought me that wiffle

set for my birthday, but now you've gone
too far.

Oh, come on. Murphy's gonna love it.
This actress has been researching every

detail of Murphy's childhood, her
family, everything.

The key is getting Murphy to loosen up
and get into it.

Now, if you guys want this to be the
best birthday Murphy's ever had, you'll

play along.

I can't believe it. The push has stiffed
me again this year.

Hey, Murph. Happy 42.

Hey, Frank. Haven't seen you in days.
Out shopping for my gift, maybe?

Oh, maybe.

Hey, Murphy. What have we here?

It looks like some sort of a birthday
gift. No, no, no. You can't shake it.

put it with the other smiles.

So just give me one hint, Frank.

Is it animal, vegetable, or four -wheel
drive with Italian leather interior?

I'm going to say is it's something
you've never had but have always

about. And you'll find out what it is at
noon sharp at Phil's.

We'll bring this to Phil's, too, won't
we, guys?

Phil, too heavy to be a toaster.

Okay,

Frank, at 12 o 'clock... Where it fills.
Where is it? I don't know, Murph. Maybe

this year's surprise is that there's no
surprise at all.

I hate that.

Okay, I think we've kept her in suspense
long enough.

Here it is, Murphy. From Jim, Corky, and
me. Go ahead, open it.

I guess I will, since Frank is keeping
me waiting for his mystery gift. I'll

just open this wonderful present that
three people with very large salaries

chipped in to buy me.

This is going to be great, I can tell.

Don't forget, Murphy, any gift you get
should probably be exchanged.

In fact, I'd even return it for you so
you don't have to stand in line.

The Pulse -O -Matic 2.

Guys, this is the best.

A fake box, extremely valuable.

What the hell is this?

It's a blood... Pressure unit for people
who love you and wish you a long and

happy life. Happy birthday, Murphy. See,
she loves it.

I can see what you're thinking.

You can't wait to try it out. Well, not
until I read the instructions.

You don't want anybody to get hurt. This
is not a toy.

Okay, Murphy.

Fasten your seatbelt. Time for your gift
from me.

All right, it's showtime.

That's right. And what would a birthday
be without family to help you celebrate?

So, all the... away from your hometown
of Philadelphia, it's your sister,

Maddie Brown!

Stinky!

Oh boy, someone I don't know just hugged
me. What's going on, Frank?

Wow, you really are surprised, aren't
you? But hey, I wasn't going to miss

It'll be two years Christmas since we've
seen each other. That's a crime, you

know that, but it doesn't matter. I'm
here now. God, you look gorgeous! Give

another hug!

I've never had and have always wondered
about.

Hi, I'm Maddie Brown, Murphy's sister.
Hello, Murphy's sister. Nice to meet

Maddie Brown from Philadelphia, Murphy's
sister.

You want to say something to Murphy's
sister, don't you, Jim, Miles, Corky?

Uh, yes, of course we do.

Hi, Maddie, I'm Corky. It was so
thoughtful of you to surprise Murphy

That's all I have to say.

I see the family resemblance. You have
the same eyebrows.

Hey, Stinky, you know what I was just
thinking of? Your 10th birthday.

Remember? Dad surprised you with that
treehouse in the backyard?

Very clever, Frank.

Except there was this one kid you would
never let in the treehouse.

Mary Beekman, the little brat. She hit
Murphy in the face with a 7 -up bottle.

17 stitches.

You are really good. She's really good,
Frank. But I'll bet you don't know what

happened in the treehouse on the
afternoon of July 4th, 1959.

That was the day we all came up with our
secret handshake.

You forgot. It's one long, two short,
and one long. I know. I was trying to

trick you. Wow.

know who this must be murphy's sister it
must be real nice to have your sister

here to share your birthday with you oh
you bet phil you know how i love family

yep murphy's always going on about how
she misses you sometimes when she starts

talking about the old days growing up
the whole bar gets quiet we turn off the

tv everybody gathers their chairs and
circle

We can listen for hours as Murphy
touches us all with poignant stories.

Her little sister, Maddie.

How am I doing?

I got goosebumps.

You can go now, Phil.

Good, because I'm running out of
material to feel like an idiot.

Happy birthday, Murphy. Here's a
complimentary salad with your lunch.

Well, this has been great, but I guess
it's time to get going.

Aw. Already?

Well, listen, thanks for everything. You
were really impressive.

And if you're going to be in any movies
or TV shows, drop me a line. I'll look

for you. Oh, don't worry, Murph.
Maddie's not going anywhere. She's here

midnight. Come on, guys. I'm sure the
two sisters have a lot of catching up to

do.

Wait a minute.

You're here until midnight?

Where are you going, Frank?

Oh, the fun you two are going to have?

Something tells me boys are going to be
discussed.

But this is a party for all of us.
There's complimentary salad. Don't go,

200 over 102.

What does that mean?

It means there's justice in this world
after all.

That's right.

Is he cute or what?

You know, if I wasn't married...

Speaking of which, you are not going to
believe your brother -in -law. He lost

20 pounds and got hair plugs in the
front. You know where he's receding?

show you a picture. Look, I know Frank
paid you until midnight, but you don't

have to do this. You can just go. We
don't have to tell him.

Oh, God.

You're firing me.

It's nothing personal.

It's just that the novelty's worn off
and I have a really short attention

Where did I lose you? It was the hair
plugs, right? I went too far. I knew it

soon as I said it. Look, I've really got
to go.

No, no.

Murphy, please, please, give me another
chance.

I can be whoever you want me to be. I
don't have to be your younger sister.

I can be your illegitimate sister.

Or I can do it with an accent, like Mom
and Dad sent me away to boarding school

in England, and I have this really
effective speech now.

Oh, Murphy, what do you say we take the
ponies out and go for a ride?

Well, as I said, good luck with
everything, and thanks again for all the

trouble. Wait, I know what it is.

You need an older sister.

You need to feel protected and cared
for. There you go again, running out,

-dressed when there's a flu going
around. Remember the time you had

I stayed home and took care of you? God
knows where Mother was. It was always up

to me. I still have a lot of them. And
I'll never understand why you were in

such a hurry to grow up. I'll never
forget your sweet 16 party when you

Mother's liquor cabin. I still think
that's when your problem started.

Frank!

Has anyone here seen Frank?

Oh, so this is where...

I didn't know Murphy had a sister.

Hi.

I'm Carl Wisnicki.

Hi, Carl. I'm Maddie Brown.

So, what is it you do here?

I'm camera two.

Gee, Murphy, I would have thought you
told her all about me by now.

Me and I aren't very close, Carl.

Frank, may I see you in my office,
please, alone?

Okay, Frank.

That's it. It was very clever and we all
had a good laugh, but I don't want that

woman following me around until
midnight. Tell me she isn't going to be

that, Frank.

Murph, I thought a sister would be the
greatest gift I could ever give you. You

were so passionate about it that night.

What night? What are you talking about?

A few years ago at Phil's. You and I
were closing up the place, then we

talking about family and my sisters.

Then you started sobbing uncontrollably
about not having any sisters. You don't

remember? I was drinking then, Frank. I
said a lot of things I didn't mean. I

probably said I wanted to sleep with
Larry Storch, too, but you didn't get

hits on my birthday.

Just listen to yourself, Murph. Can't
you just for one day forget you're a

reporter who brokers all day long in
reality and just let yourself experience

something you've never known?

Cut yourself loose. What do you say?

I'm gonna get you for this, Frank.

What a sad, sad statement. Well, I am
not calling her off. You know the rule.

Fontana gifts are unreturnable.

They're unreturnable because you can't
shop in a regular store like a normal

human being. You're a...

You're looking for your sister. She went
to the ladies' room.

All right, everybody, listen up. I'm
going to be in editing for the rest of

day. When my sister comes back, don't
tell her where I am and don't let her in

my office. I don't want to see her again
for the rest of my lifetime.

You got that?

Dear God, why won't that woman let
someone love her?

Don't even say it, Robin.

Don't make me tell you how many birthday
invitations I turned down because Frank

asked me to keep the day open.

Frank is no longer my friend.

It's his fault I'm eating fortune
cookies alone instead of birthday cake

Pacino.

What happened to Honey, I'm Home?

You know, I wish that you would call
when you're going to be late. I didn't

what time to put the cacciatore in.

Chicken cacciatore?

Oh, Eldon, is that what smells so good?

That's so nice of you.

Maybe this day can be saved after all.

Yellow 16 ,000, what do you get?

Another day over and deeper in debt. St.

Peter, don't you call me...

know how much you hated that happy
birthday to you song until your sister

me. Ellen, this woman is not my sister.

You said she'd say that.

Well, you brown girls play some weird
games.

Murphy, I have been cooking up a storm
all afternoon. I cannot believe you had

nothing, nothing in the house to eat. I
had to shop for everything, but that's

okay. That's what sisters are for.

What do you mean she's not your sister?
I mean, she's obviously got your

mother's arms. They're so delicate.

Not nearly as furry as yours.

I may love her.

Oh, God, I'm in a Stephen King movie.

Who is it?

Oh, hi, Mother.

Yeah, I got the birthday card you sent.
Thanks a lot.

You want to speak to who?

Mother, you don't have another daughter,
and I'm really getting sick of this.

No, I will not put her on the phone.

She wants to talk to you.

to see me.

No, I don't think she's gay in any way.
Why? Did she look heavy to you when you

were here?

This isn't funny, Mother. You had way
too much time on your hands.

I better go now, Mother.

All right, I'll tell her.

Goodbye.

Oh, God. She wants us to come home for
Christmas.

Believe me, I hate the idea as much as
you do. She insists on making that

disgusting cranberry mold, and then we
sit around the table while she trashes

Daddy. Maybe we should just take a
stand... not do Christmas at her house

year. Oh, who am I kidding? I don't have
the guts.

You know, look at this. You know, it is
so nice to know someone in your family

can cook. Unlike you, she walked right
into the kitchen and recognized it

immediately.

Is that fresh rosemary on the chicken?

Uh -huh.

I made the sauce from scratch.

Okay. Okay, well, just eat and that's
all. And then after we eat, that's the

end. It's finished. You're leaving.

Boy, you really must have cried the day
Mom and Dad brought that home from the

hospital.

Come on, speed it up.

Gandhi didn't eat as slow as you two.

Murphy was always a very fast eater.

Daddy used to say, you should never
touch Murphy while she's eating.

My father never said that.

You know, this dinner was excellent.

And you are very charming.

You know, I was recently hurt by a
woman.

Okay.

That's it. You know what that means.

Right. I'll go get dessert.

Dessert? No dessert. There was no
dessert in this deal.

Look, I can't tell how I'm doing here.

Do you think I was being too obvious
when I said I could furnish her with a

complete medical history?

Would you go find out? I'll wait right
here.

It's 10 o 'clock. Do you know where your
airplane is?

Dessert is part of dinner, Murphy, and I
won't hear any arguments about it.

We're going to make brownies just like
we did the day Paul quit the Beatles.

Look, I've tried to be nice. Now I'm
going to bring out the artillery. If you

aren't out of here in three minutes, I
will personally, physically throw you

out.

Okay.

You win. I'll go.

It's obvious I can't make this work for
you.

Thank you.

Look, all of this food is yours.

Why don't you take it with you?

Boy, it's just staring me in the face,
isn't it?

Actress.

Who am I kidding?

Oh, no, don't start that on me. Just
rap.

Deep down inside, I guess I've always
known my limitations.

I haven't had a lot of success as an
actress.

You know that TV commercial where the
singing peanuts go marching into that

peanut butter jar and there's that one
peanut who refuses to jump in because

doesn't think she's up to their high
standards?

That peanut was you?

No, that's how I feel about my career.

I guess what makes it all sink in is
seeing where you are in life.

Famous, successful, respected.

Yeah, well, it's not all it's cracked up
to be.

Ever since I was a little kid, I dreamed
of being a great actress.

I used to dress up like Katharine
Hepburn, and I used to dress my dog up

Spencer Tracy, and we'd act out Adam's
Rib.

What?

I used to pretend the kitchen strainer
was a microphone, and I'd get the kid

next door to be Richard Nixon, and I'd
nail him after the checker's speech.

I know.

All right.

The difference is, you made it, I
didn't.

Yeah, but it didn't come easy.

After I got out of college, I thought I
was going to be the greatest broadcast

journalist of my generation.

I had this audition tape, and I begged a
friend to get it to Howard K. Smith. To

me, he was the best. What broadcast
journalism was all about, I wanted to be

Howard K. Smith in a dress.

So, I waited and waited for a response.

A month, six weeks.

Nothing. Finally, I called my friend.

And he told me that Howard Kaye had, in
fact, seen my tape.

His only comment was, her work stinks,
but she's got a knife. Push.

I felt like someone had hit me in the
face with a brick.

My idol was telling me I couldn't cut it
as a journalist.

The only other thing I knew how to do
was lip sync to records, and back then

wasn't a real profession like it is now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, no
matter what it is you want to do, you've

got to go after it. No matter what other
people say about you, it's always going

to be hard.

No matter if you're 21 or 42.

Oh, God, I'm 42.

Oh, that's okay.

You look really good.

You know, I never told anybody that
story.

Really? Yeah.

I guess it's really the kind of thing
you only tell... A sister?

Yeah.

A sister.

You know, I had this other experience
when I was a correspondent in London.

I've never been to London. I always said
I'd get there. What happened?

Well, I'd rented this little flat a
couple of blocks from Oxford Street.

One day I was coming out of the...