All language subtitles for murphy_brown_s02e07_whose_garbage_is_it_anyway

Whoa.

Oh, mercy, mercy me.

Oh, things ain't what they used to be.

Where did all the blue skies go?

Poison is the wind that blows from the
north.

Oh,

mercy, mercy me.

Oh.

Dr.

Sikora, as one of our leading
environmental scientists, you've given

frightening facts and figures this
evening.

But let's make this more personal.

It's the year 2050 in America.

If we've made no changes in our
attitudes or behavior, what is life

Well, I hope you're ready for this.

Say you wake up on a summer day.

First off, you'd find the Mercury's
already over 100 degrees.

There have been a lot more of these hot
days due to the greenhouse effect.

And the air is so dirty, school children
are not allowed to play outside most

days of the year.

Maybe you want to seek relief at the
beach.

But hotter temperatures have caused
rising sea levels.

Many of our beaches are gone forever.

And even if you can find a beach, the
water's been off limits for three

due to pollution.

So you head indoors.

As you walk, you're assaulted by the
sight and smell of garbage.

It's everywhere.

We ran out of places to dump it decades
ago.

Dr. Sakura, I'd like to bring this
segment to a close by asking you, is it

late to turn things around?

Not yet.

But we Americans have got to stop living
in a waste mentality.

We throw out twice as much garbage per
person as the average Japanese or

European. And our air pollution, half of
it comes from our own tailpipes.

Thank you, Dr. Sakura.

So, will this be how the human race goes
out?

Killed off by our own wasteful
lifestyles.

We must put aside these petty comforts
and conveniences, for we are living in

the last chance decade.

Let us keep in mind this Native American
proverb.

We do not inherit the land from our
ancestors.

We borrow it from our children.

Jim.

Murphy, thank you.

And thank you all for joining us this
evening. This has been a special edition

of FYI. Good night.

Here's that glass of water you asked
for. Thanks.

Did you see FYI tonight?

Interesting information.

People very often ask for water in
restaurants just out of habit.

You probably don't realize, but it takes
three glasses of water to serve one.

One to wash, one to rinse, and one for
the ice.

Yeah, right.

Drink the water.

Sorry I'm late, but the switchboard was
going crazy.

342 positive calls and only one
negative.

Yeah. Who would make a negative call?

Exxon.

They said we should lighten up.

Guys, I think this is one of our best
efforts.

To the A -team.

Here, here. Yeah.

Oh, please, don't look now.

Oh, no, Jerry Gold. Like there isn't
enough pollution.

Shouldn't he be rounding up guests for
next week's show?

Or did the world run out of white
-swapping skinhead transvestites?

I don't know what it is about him. He
gets to me like no one else can. Makes

so mad. Every time, I just can't... The
words don't... I could just...

Oh, no, he's coming over here. He always
touches me.

Hide, hide, hide.

Oh, hey, look who's here. My old pals
from FYI.

Mind if I join you?

Right now, it's going to get good.

So, how you doing, sweetcakes?

Yeah, I saw your show tonight.

Do you mind a few suggestions from a
colleague?

Oh, when a snowball in hell freezes over
and pigs drive.

Take a pass on the critique, Jer. We're
not big on pointers from a guy whose

last interview was wearing nipple
clamps.

I forgot you're the only real news
people around here. I'm just some poor

schnook with 30 million viewers a week.

You know, let me tell you something.
It's pretty easy sitting around telling

American public all the stuff they
should give up to save the planet. While

Brown, fire up your gas -guzzling sports
car to go to the dry cleaners two

blocks from here. Hey, man, you know you
can't come in here pointing fingers at

her. Set him straight, Murphy.

I may have done it once.

Okay, twice. It looked like it was going
to snow.

Uh -huh.

Frankie saw you at the gym last week.

You were at the gym?

Yeah, I like to watch the babes do squat
thrusts.

Anyway, Fontana, what was that, like a
20 -minute shower you were taking? I

mean, all that hot water.

I have an oily scalp.

And Jimmy, when's the last time you
carpooled, huh?

You just don't make you say me stop it.

Well, I guess that just about sums it
up.

Look, this has been a lot of fun.

As always, see you around. Not so fast,
nature boy. Before you race back to your

roach motel, I think we'd all love to
hear what you do for the environment.

Yeah.

You want to know what I do for the
environment?

Well, I heat my pool 365 days a year,
and I don't even swim.

And when I fill my tank, it's nothing
but leaded gas for me.

A man's gas.

What am I going to do with the future?
Leave it to my kids? I don't even leave

them my foreign address.

But at least I don't sing one tune in
public and then dance to another at

What are you saying, Gold? That I'm a
hypocrite? Is that what you're saying?

That I'm a hypocrite?

Bingo! Tell the lady what she's won,
Phil.

You and Robert Redford and your whole
band of wimpy tree -huggers are all the

same.

You're always picking on the little guy.

Tell him how he's supposed to live his
life.

I'll bet you right now in front of
everyone, if you had to live without

conditioners and your limos and your
cushy little lifestyles, you wouldn't

two weeks.

Excuse me.

Am I understanding you correctly?

Are you saying that the best news
organization in the business couldn't

together for two weeks of recycling and
conserving? Is that it?

That's it.

So? I'll take you up on that. It's a
deal.

Free.

If you guys lose, Murphy has to do a
personal appearance on my show.

You're on.

Murphy Brown on the Jerry Gold Show. I
love this.

And I know the show for you, too. Hope
you look good in edible panties.

Thank Mrs.

McMurray from Ladies for Lelies
Castration.

And I want to thank you too, Bert. Sorry
if we cut you short.

Anyway, before we wrap this thing up
here today, I want to remind you again

about our Murphy Watch. Now, this is a
big opportunity for our Washington, D

viewers. We're offering 50 bucks to
anybody who spots one of those FYI

hypocrites throwing their cans and
bottles out with the regular trash.

And if you catch them with their car...

too clean wasting the water our
grandkids deserve i'll give you a

the biggie a thousand simoleons for a
snapshot of one of those guys

riding alone in the carpool lane and
don't forget our special murphy watch

number 1 -800 -i -saw -her everybody get
out of here

The maggot went national with this. He's
trying to humiliate us. I'd like to see

the rock he crawled under from out in a
short walk off a low... Easy, big guy.

Miles, did you see Jerry Gold? The whole
building saw it. That little twerp from

graphics followed me to the elevator
waiting to catch me tossing this in the

trash. I'm afraid to put it down.

Well, I say let them watch. You know
what they'll see? A highly organized and

efficient system of waste management
starting with this.

Okay, everybody, listen up.

From now on, we're starting a recycling
stack.

And do we really need four separate
newspapers where we could share one?

And look at this. It's like an
industrial waste dump. All these napkins

paper plates and these plastic forks
that we use once and then throw away.

And no more disposable cups.

From now on, I want everyone to bring
their own mug.

We'll just make up a little schedule and
take turns washing them.

I'd like to volunteer for the first
shift.

The devil's styrofoam. We'll all be dead
and gone, but this stuff will still be

around fresh as the day it was made.

I say no more ordering takeout food from
places that use polystyrene until they

find a practical way to recycle it. All
right.

Hey, here's something else.

Starting tomorrow, we carpool.

Yes. Murphy, you don't live that far
from me. What do you say I pick you up

tomorrow morning, 7 a .m.? You leave for
the office at 7 a .m.? I'm a morning

person. Come on, Murphy. Are you with me
on this or not?

Yeah.

Okay, you got it.

Carpooling is happening.

Carpooling is good. All right. And I
could use the extra time to get a jump

my research on the Census Bureau story.

You know, Jim and Frank and I could ride
in together.

I could pick you up first, Jim, and then
we could take the expressway to get

Frank. Can I count on you to be
downstairs on time, Mr. Fashion Crisis?

I'll be there.

I'll be there. Gee.

Okay, everybody, get cracking. Go
through your trash and take out all your

recyclable paper, aluminum cans, and
glass bottles. We can do this.

Yeah.

Thanks for driving again, Miles.

You know, I realized something.

So much of my attention comes from
sitting behind the wheel. It's nice to

passenger for a change.

Hey, no problem.

I love to drive.

I just flip on my tape player and
cruise.

By the way, those 60 tape gears are kind
of neat.

And did I actually hear you singing
along to Love Child?

You know, I think there's hope for you
yet.

And that's where Bressalyn and I had it
out. Right on the Branch Avenue off

-ramp of the Beltway.

That'll always be a special off -ramp
for me.

Hi, you guys are in early. Yeah, I've,
uh, I got a morning edit session, and

and Corky were good enough to bend their
schedule. Thanks again, guys, and, uh,

sorry you had to honk for me.

Oh, what's an extra 15 minutes, as long
as you have the right time.

I'm still not sure.

You know, this is really fun.

I think I've learned more about Jim in
one week than I have all year.

It's funny, but... When you've been a
part of this city as long as I have, a

simple ride to work becomes a
kaleidoscope of memories.

My first formal ball at the Woodrow
Wilson House.

My first live remote at the old pension
building.

Do you know those are the largest
Corinthian columns in the world? Yes, we

know that.

I'll tell you something.

At first, I just wanted to show off
Jerry Gold. But it's so much more than

winning some bet.

I mean, look at us.

In our own small, personal way.

We're making a difference.

Hey.

My cup's dirty.

That's my fault. It was my turn to wash
the mugs last night, but I was really

struggling to finish my research on the
Census Bureau.

I guess I didn't get to your mug, Miles.

Murphy, forget about it.

Just a mug with some old coffee and a
wad of gum in it.

I can't listen to myself.

Thanks a million, Miles. I tell you
what, I'll wash the mugs again tonight,

you a night off.

Sure, of course.

That's what this is all about.

Being flexible, making compromises,
learning to adapt, right?

expect me to do, Murphy? Go through the
truck?

Maybe you didn't realize it, Miles, but
that funny round thing you hang on to

while you're driving is a steering
wheel. You turn it so you can go around

slow traffic instead of sitting there
while the decade changes.

Oh, well, I don't drive like you,
Murphy. I don't hurtle towards the

light at warp speed and then slam on my
brakes when the light turns red.

causing my passenger to lurch forward
and scream in terror.

And I visit my points of vehicles on the
expressway, laughing maniacally when I

score a 50 for cutting off a Cadillac.
I'll tell you something else, but if

you're going to sing along to my music,
get the words right, okay?

It's Love Child Never Meant to Be, Love
Child Take a Look at Me, not Take a Look

or Three. What the hell does that mean?

All I'm saying is if you had to take
your cat to the vet this morning, put it

a carrier. Don't let it crawl all over
the car. and under people who then have

to spend their morning picking Mr.
Puffy's hairs off their dark blue suit.

Well, Jim, why don't you just chalk it
up as one more amusing story in your

to go along with all the other amusing
stories in your life so you never run

of amusing stories to tell people while
they're trapped in a car with you while

you amuse them with your story after
story after story.

Oh,

what a rush.

My house to work, 17 miles.

You know, that long curl around the
ellipse.

I got this searing pain in my right
hamstring.

I'm telling you, I just about lost it.
But I kept saying to myself, one more

mile. It's for clean air. You can do it.
It's important.

Give it up, Frank. Your car passes
during 65 miles an hour on the

Avenue exit. Your bike was on the rack
and you were spraying yourself with

water.

You cheater!

Well, give me a break, will you? I need
my car tonight. I finally got a date

with that CNN producer.

A great romantic evening we'll have
squeezing the backseat of Corky's car

Mr. Puffy brings up a hairball.

That's it. I don't want the cheater in
my car.

Great. Take Captain Breakpedal there.

No way. I'm allergic to cats.

Oh, well, fine. I'll ride with them. Oh,
no, you won't. Forget about it. Oh,

well, what a wonderful... attitude. Do
you have any idea what I've been going

through? Every night I've got Jerry Gold
viewers combing through my trash.

I've got so much garbage on my front
lawn it looks like a goat exploded.

So I've got guys at the gym watching to
see how long I shower.

I don't like guys watching me shower.

I'm funny that way, okay? I've had it
with this whole thing.

Ellen,

go see if that food delivery guy is
coming. I haven't eaten all day and I'm

starving.

And are we too weak to add a simple
please?

Give me a break, Rialdon. It's the last
day of the stinking bed and I've got an

8 a .m. deadline.

If that food doesn't get here soon, I
may have to eat the wood in the

Here's a wild thought. Buy groceries.

I went to the market, Eldon. I spent two
hours... hours picking out pesticide

-free produce and non -colored toilet
paper. I made the clerk go through every

box of detergents until he found one
without phosphates. And then, after

Jerry Goldoids, who stalked me through
the aisles with their Instamatics, I had

to leave everything there.

And do you know why?

Because all they had were plastic bags
that weren't recyclable.

So then, after I finished putting
everything back on the shelves, I was

just... Food!

Yes! Go get that for me, will you
please, Elvin?

You know...

This is going to be okay.

I'll have my dinner. I'll finish my
piece. In a few hours, that swine bucket

Jerry Gold will be eating his words.

Give me, give me.

Oh.

Oh, no.

This can't be happening.

I asked them, Eldon.

I asked them specifically if they used
polished iron containers.

They said no.

That's what they said.

Well, back it goes.

We gotta let these restaurants know that
we mean business. Right. That's what we

have to do. Just let me take a peek at
the food, Eldon.

To see if they screwed up the order on
top of everything else.

They got it right.

Spaghetti carbonara.

You know how sometimes the egg gets all
clumpy in the sauce?

It wasn't. And there was garlic toast.

Crispy, crusty, soft in the middle.

Sprinkling of imported Parmesan cheese
on the top. I'm eating this.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Don't give me any grief, Eldon. This
stupid stuff's been manufactured

There's nothing I can do about that.
Maybe you've given up on the miracle of

reproduction.

But I would like to think one day
there'll be a little Eldonette.

And I hope, I hope she'll have a place
to frolic.

While her father, now more famous than
Picasso, sits on the deck of his beach

house, painting a breathtaking sunset,
while his wife, Susan Anton,

looks on.

Forget it, Eldon. Why is it up to me
anyway? I've done my share. More.

I'm not the one deforesting the planet.
I'm not the one causing acid rain.

One lousy container isn't going to make
a difference from this generation to the

next.

Planet killer.

Who's going to see?

Who's going to know?

Yes. Would you return this to the
restaurant for me, please?

You make me very proud.

Okay, okay, that's enough.

Well, folks, I bet a lot of you are
expecting to see Murphy Brown on our

today. But it ain't happening, gang.

Hey, you let me down.

You didn't get one thing on her or her
band of FYI do -gooders. So guess what?

I take it on the chin.

But hey, that's okay.

I admit when I've lost a bet.

And I'll read a statement that Ms. Brown
said I wouldn't be man enough to read

on the air.

I, Jerry Gold, must apologize.

I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

I totally misjudged you, Murphy.

You are a woman of integrity and
commitment.

And I, Jerry Gold, must learn to stop
shooting off my loud,

arrogant, obnoxious, ash can of a mouth.

At best, I am a worm.

Okay, somebody want to recycle this?

Really, two weeks? I tell you, it seemed
like two years. Yes, but it was worth

it. That bombastic, big -mouthed
blowhard bungled the bed and blew his

to bits.

She's back!

Okay, people, let's get back to the
story meeting.

Let's not forget what we're here for.
We've got a show to fill up.

Murphy, your piece in the Census Bureau
is very strong. I'd like to anchor the

show with it. So what we need is a hot
opening.

Well, you know, I've been doing some
digging until all the emergency rooms

down. Could be something. Tell me on it.

Well, everybody's pointing fingers at
everybody else. The doctors, the

companies, the government.

Bottom line is, you get injured, you're
in trouble.

So, I was thinking if we were to...

Hold on

a second, will you guys?

Anyway, as I was saying...

I think emergency room care is something
we should give priority to because

people are really in trouble.