All language subtitles for Murphy Brown s01e21 The Bickners

Nothing, nothing without a woman or a
girl.

You see, made me the car to

take us over the road.

of the heavy load.

This is a man's, man's, man's world.

But it won't be nothing, nothing.

Not a woman or a man.

Morning.

Oh, jeez.

Where is everybody?

Every Thursday morning at 10 o 'clock,
we have a meeting.

Not a surprise, not a new idea.

But is anybody ever here, in their
seats, ready to go?

At least you're here, Frank.

At least someone appreciates the
importance of... Frank?

What?

Frank, are you all right?

Oh, I'm fine, Miles.

No, you're not.

You're using Jim's cup.

What, are you crazy?

I just got a call, something I forgot
about.

Locked it out, I guess, but there it
was.

My dentist appointment.

I tell you, all the blood left my head.

I knew I wouldn't pay to be on time. The
meeting hasn't even started yet.

Frank, how come your head's all white?

Dentist appointment.

Oh. Oh, my God, isn't that Jim's cup?

You know, tardiness is a sign of
hostility.

I don't deserve this. Sorry I'm late,
everyone.

Although it looks like I haven't missed
anything.

I leaned against the sink in the men's
room. Got the front of my pants all wet.

Tell me if it looks funny.

Fine, really.

Here we are.

You just sit for as long as you want.
Use the phone. Am I walking too fast?

Murphy!

I was just in a car accident with these
people. What? Oh, my God. Are you all

right? Yes.

Yes, we are.

This is the fender bender. A cat ran
into the street. Mr. Bickner stopped. I

behind him. This is Myrna and Bob
Bickner. This is... Oh, Murphy, you

to introduce them. We watch you on
television every week. Yes. We know who

of you are.

You're the one with the lovely voice.

Oh, you're always doing something
dangerous.

You're the other blonde one.

We don't know you.

Miles Silverberg, executive producer of
FYI. How nice.

He's not on the show.

Now, there's a phone right here.

Oh, yes, we just have to call the
church.

And tell them that we'll be late for the
senior citizen's car wash.

I'm in charge of the chamois.

I'm stuck behind him for six blocks
while we move along at parade speed.

But do I get impatient?

No. I tell myself, I don't always have
to be in a rush. I can drive to work a

little slower today.

All of a sudden, he stops. I slammed on
the brakes, but there wasn't anything I

could do.

It's a miracle you were all able to walk
away.

Well, it's not such a big deal. I just
tapped his bumper.

I could have fixed it myself with a tire
iron, but Bob was afraid I'd damage my

reproductive organs.

I want to pay for everything, you just
give me a call. You are such a nice

I know that I'm going to have to make
you a batch of my special butternut

cookies. Well, Murphy, I'm glad we ran
into each other.

meeting rolling.

That's odd.

It's always right here.

People, I know there was some unexpected
excitement this morning, but we've got

a lot to cover. Buckle down, all right?

Frank, isn't that Jim's cup?

Oh.

I guess it is.

Well, that's enough work for now. Let's
take a pint.

Just one more cookie. I really mean it
this time.

That's it.

Boy, these are great. That little Mrs.
Bickner sure knows how to bake.

Oh, no.

Not again.

Why do you do this to yourself, Robert?
Why do you keep coming back? Can't you

just accept the fact you don't have what
it takes to be my secretary?

The last time you were here, we had to
talk you down off the Xerox machine.

No, Miss Brown.

That was the old Robert. You are looking
at the new, improved Robert. No more

stuttering, no more fumbling, no more
voices telling me to dress up like you.

I have been to therapy.

Oh, really?

Robert, I have six letters waiting to be
typed, a call to be made turning down

Noriega's request for an interview, and
I need research done on every pesticide

study in the last 20 years. Domestic or
international?

Maybe I'm the crazy one, but I'll give
you one more try. One. You won't be

sorry, Miss Brown.

Hi, Murphy.

I was just upstairs and I heard the
news.

Tough break.

I'm really sorry.

Who would have guessed, huh?

I just came down here to let you know
that we're all behind you 100%. If

anything I can do for you, just let me
know.

Miles, what are you talking about?

Nothing. Wait a minute.

What's going on here?

Well, you know that nice elderly couple
who've been sending you cookies all

week? Yeah.

The ones who invited us all over for
dinner and charades next Thursday? Yeah.

They're suing you for $1 .5 million.

I'm glad you were able to meet with me.
I thought it was important that we have

a chance to talk face to face without
any lawyers.

You know, they see a celebrity involved
in an accident, and before you know it,

they've talked nice people, people like
yourselves, into doing things they

ordinarily wouldn't. Oh, Howie's not
like that. Howie? Our grandson.

Your grandson is your lawyer? We're very
proud of him.

Don't you think Howie is making a
little... too much out of this? After

wasn't there. He didn't see how I just
tapped you. Don't worry, dear. You don't

have to pay the 1 .5 million. Your
insurance dies.

We wouldn't take it from you.

That's not the point.

Insurance is for people who really need
the money.

Admit it.

You're not really hurt now, are you?

Well, we're suffering from loss of
consortium.

Excuse me?

We haven't been able to have sex at all
since the accident.

Come on.

Has it really been that different for
you?

Oh, yes. We have sex every day.

Wait a minute.

You're going to tell me you have sex
every day?

You don't. Oh, yes.

Every day?

Until the accident.

I'm afraid I haven't been able to uphold
my conjugal duty.

It's the damnedest thing. I get all
ready to go, and then I remember the

of that white car of yours coming at me
in the rearview mirror.

And so you're... I mean, you think this
is worth... Come on, $1 .5 million?

You don't know Bob.

Nothing like this has ever happened to
us before.

We've been playing the lottery for three
years. Haven't won fit.

And now, now we'll be able to travel and
redecorate the house. I've had my eye

on a table, sir.

You look, Mr.

and Mrs. Bickner, you seem to have the
idea that suing me is going to

doctor's appointment.

Then we're going to test drive a Range
Rover.

Goodbye, dear.

Goodbye.

Frank, you can't drive home from the
dentist.

Because you don't have a car. Remember,
I dropped you off.

Yes, I'm sure Jim still loves you.

Frank, honey, it's spelled just like it
sounds. F -O -N -T -A -N -A.

I'll see you in a few minutes.

Yes, I'll tell her. Thank you.

Oh, good morning, Miss Brown.

No, Robert, it isn't. I was just sitting
in my car listening to a radio call -in

show. The topic was Murphy Brown, should
her license be revoked.

600 people paid 50 cents a piece to vote
against me.

Miss Brown, the phone... has been
ringing off the hook. The Times, the

public safety organizations, and a few
concerned citizens.

I told these people you had no statement
at this time. These are referred to

your publicist, and these I took the
liberty of reporting to the police.

Robert, I'm impressed. Today's mail, hot
tea.

Did you sleep with a hat on or
something?

No.

Have you seen the world globe?

Under your picture, it says, stay out of
her way if you're old and gray.

There's six more stanzas inside.

What's wrong with my hair?

It's flat.

God, when did they take this picture?

You yell at a parking attendant one
time.

Murphy, this is getting way out of hand.

Now, are you ready to listen to me and
talk to our lawyers?

You know, I... I remember a time when
you didn't need a lawyer before you

breathe. Back when Jacoby and Myers were
just a couple of kids sitting around a

go -kart track waiting for a pileup.

You've got your reputation to think
about.

Okay, okay. I just want to scare off
this Howie character. The way he's put

dollar signs in the Bickner's eyes, they
really think they're going to get this

money. Yeah, too bad. They really are
sweet people.

I hate this hair.

the last time I go to Ted Koppel's
barber?

Hello, sweetheart.

Oh, don't you look nice.

Miss Brown?

Hi, I'm Howard Sudhoff.

I'm representing Grampy, uh, Mr. and
Mrs. Bickner.

Hello, Mr. Sudhoff.

Please, Howie.

Howie. This is my attorney, Roger
Moreland and his associates.

Wow.

Associates. Great.

I brought some homemade cookies. I
didn't know there'd be so many of you. I

there's enough for everyone.

So we get started.

I stood behind you in a bank once.

You probably don't remember.

No, the nature of your compensatory
claims will require serious scrutiny by

parties concerned.

And certainly a lengthy litigious
confrontation would be both painful and

embarrassing for Mr. and Mrs. Bickner.

We have precedence. You tell him, Howie.
Right, right.

Oh, here's one.

Case in Philadelphia.

Kirkham v. Campbell, 1981.

Plaintiff was struck from behind in a
one -way residentially zoned area,

suffered reoccurring nightmares,
extensive psychoanalysis, blah, blah,

blah, blah.

Plaintiff was awarded...

1 .75 million. Wow.

Interesting,

Counselor, but I believe in that
particular case the defendant was

speed limit, which would negate it as a
precedent in this case.

Great response, Rog.

Okay, the other case has to do with a
guy right here in D .C.

He suffered post -traumatic stress
disorder that resulted in a loss of

consortium after a T .A. kind of like
this one.

Do you believe my grandparents?

They did it every day.

Don't forget Wiggins versus Hofstadter.
I know, Grandma.

It has to do with a woman who was a
sudsucker like Murphy.

I'm sorry. What did you say?

What did she say?

Sudsucker. It's kind of like a hooch
hound.

We'd hate for Howard to have to bring
all that up in court.

But he would.

Hold on here. I haven't had a drink in
almost a year. Mr. Sudoff, the issue

isn't relevant in my client's case.

That's what I thought, too, Rog.

But as luck would have it, people keep
seeing her coming in and out of Phil's

bar. Now, all I got to do is raise a
little doubt and, well, you know the

routine, huh?

You know, we haven't really explored an
out -of -court settlement. What?

This is a good idea. I think we should
talk about it.

No, no. We want our 1 .5 million.

And if you won't do it, Howie, we'll
find a lawyer who will.

What are you trying to do to me, you
greedy little leeches?

I've had it with you and your stupid
cookies.

There must be a stick of butter in each
one. What are you trying to do, kill me?

I think it would be a good idea if we
left now.

And another thing. I think there's
something a little sick about people who

sex every day.

Get yourselves a hobby, you bitters.

Jim?

Jim? Frank's here.

I know your nose is still out of joint,
but I'm worried about him.

He disregarded doctor's orders to stay
home. and he took a cab here.

I think he's been into the pain pills.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Jim?

Jim? Jim?

Jim? Jim?

Jim?

supposed to stay home today?

I was. I was at home, sitting there,
watching the fish tank.

And then I thought, boy, I wish I had a
fish.

Pleasant chatting with you. Jim, I got
something for you at the fish store.

They wouldn't sell me any actual fish.

This is for you.

gesture from someone who's obviously
trying to heal a relationship which he

treasures very very much oh darn it all
how can

i stay mad at such a pathetic display
thank you for the mug oh jim i love you

i think i'm gonna throw up

magazine called. They wanted to know if
they could get a picture of you next to

the skid marks.

I can't pick it anymore.

Everyone hates me.

I've tried not to let it bother me.
People have hated me before, but I dealt

with it better. I was younger.

I was tougher.

I was drinking.

Oh, come here.

This is all going to pass.

No, it isn't. I saw a car in the parking
lot that had a bumper sticker that

said, I break for Bickners.

That's right.

You just let it all out. We'll hold your
phone calls. No one can bother you in

your office.

Thank you, Robert.

What would I do without you?

Did you ever think you'd hear me say
that?

Well, actually, that's something I
needed to talk to you about. I'm

What? Why?

I've been offered another job. A network
job.

Network job? What kind of network job?

Vice President of Comedy Development.

What?

I know. When I applied for it, it was
just another exercise in positive

thinking, but...

Before I knew it, they were taking me to
lunch, telling me they liked how I

dressed, saying I had an interesting
spin on things.

Whatever that means.

Well, look, um... I'd love to stay and
talk with you some more, but I'm meeting

with the Charles brothers in 20 minutes.

They're pitching me some new idea about
a bunch of accountants.

I don't know. I think workplace comedies
are dead, but...

Why so glum?

Let's see that smile.

Maybe I can help.

Everyone who's facing a lawsuit, take
one step forward. Not so fast, Murphy.

Don't play with me, Miles. I've hit old
people. I've got nothing to lose.

Listen to this.

Our lawyers pulled some district files
and found out that the Bickners had

gotten three fix -it tickets in the last
six months for faulty brake lights. So?

So, that means we can show contributory
negligence on the part of the Bickners,

which means the Bickners' case is
severely undermined, which means...

The Bickners have reconsidered and are
dropping the suit.

You're kidding.

Nope. It's all in the works. Just a few
signatures back and forth and it's over.

This is great.

The Gray Panthers will quit sending me
hate mail.

I don't have to wear a Jane Paul.

you I don't love you, tell you that
we're through.

And I've tried, but every time I see
your face, I get all choked up inside.

When I call your name, oh boy, it starts
to flame.

Binding in my heart, tearing it apart.

Everybody now, sugar pie. Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Aretha.

Give it a rest.

Eldon, I had a great day. You want to
know why?

Because evil doesn't always win out.
Because I beat some people at their own

game. Yes, I pulverized the Vickners to
ruthless, despicable monsters of greed,

and I beat their stinky little brains
out.

We're going to celebrate with some
microwave brownies. Ha!

Information.

Yeah, I need the number of that Betty
Ford place.

Bob, this is Myrna.

We're the Bickners.

Oh, the Bickners.

We just dropped by to say hello to Miss
Brown.

Melvin, who was that at the door? The
Bickners.

What are you doing here, Bickners?

Myrna made you a blueberry pie.

I crimped the edges.

You did hear from Howie, didn't you? You
do understand that this lawsuit is

over. Oh, yes, we know that. We just
wanted to make sure there's no hard

feelings. That pie there looks pretty
heavy. Maybe I ought to take that. Oh,

well, thank you, young man. Aren't you
an angel?

Here's a quarter.

Oh.

My nanny used to give me quarters.

Murphy, we mostly came by to say
something.

Well, Myrna and I thought it over, and
life's too short to hold grudges. So, we

forgive you. Excuse me?

Just because you squelched any hope for
financial security in our golden years,

that's no reason for us to harbor
resentment.

Look, let me explain something to you.

What you tried to do was wrong.

These kind of lawsuits hurt everyone. We
all end up paying for it with higher

insurance premiums to the point where a
lot of people, people like yourself,

can't even afford car insurance at all.

That's a very good point, Murphy.

But with 1 .5 million in our pocket,
higher premiums wouldn't have been a

problem for us.

Well, Bernard and I have got to be on
our way.

Yes. Now that this nasty lawsuit is off
Bob's shoulders.

His manliness has returned.

Why, all day, he's been pawing me like a
dog in a kennel.

I can see why.

Well, you've got to go.

So long, Murphy.

Now, try to get a little rest.

You look dead tired.

Bye.

Well, thank heaven they spared us our
lives.

Bob?