All language subtitles for Murphy Brown s01e18 Funnies Girl

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

So you're predicting a continued decline
in the savings and loan industry.

Well, clearly we're headed toward
consolidation of a large portion of it.

believe in the end that the nation's
financial system will emerge stronger

ever before.

Survival of the fittest in an economic
jungle.

Thank you, Dr. Keller.

We'll be back with the wrap -up after
this.

And we're clear.

Okay, everybody, remember the new
closing.

Jim will say, this is another edition of
FYI, blah, blah, blah.

And while credits roll, I want you to
get up, act casual, start chatting in a

friendly manner.

Let's show the audience that at FYI, we
are more than colleagues, we're buddies.

This idea stinks.

Are you through, Frank?

I'm through.

All right, look alive, people. Here we
go.

Coming back in five, four, three, two...
Be with us

next week when Murphy Brown interviews
New York Mayor Ed Koch, Frank Fontana

investigates fraud in the FDA, and Corky
Sherwood goes to dinner with the Van

Patten family.

Until then, this has been another
edition of FYI. Good night.

So, Jim, how would you like to join me
after the show? We can get a bite to eat

and then beat up Miles in the parking
lot.

Yes, that sounds like an excellent idea.

We can throw a blanket over him. He'll
never know who it was.

I really enjoyed your interview, Murphy.
I didn't think an economist could be so

fascinating. Yeah, he's fascinating, all
right. We're talking Major League Hunk.

He's got principle.

I've got the interest.

And we're out.

Nice show. people. Go spend a little
quality time with your loved ones.

So, Miles, was that friendly enough for
you?

I can't believe what you did.

You had to fool around, didn't you? You
couldn't do it straight like I asked you

to. What are you making such a big deal
about?

You called Dr. Keller a hunk. It went
out live.

What? How can that be? We took our mics
off.

Quirky.

What's that?

watches those end credits, they're all
in the kitchen getting something to eat.

Come on. How many of you people watch
those credits?

Oh, sure.

You just want to see your names. That's
why.

You never liked my idea, did you?

At the production meeting all week long,
you had to fight me.

Well, now you're being punished.

Maybe you'll remember this thing of
embarrassment the next time you choose

score on one of my ideas that I work
late into the night to come up with.

missing dinner, skipping meals,
canceling a date with... Vicki, I'll do

for a promotion, Anderson.

I hope you're happy.

Another day at the Crazy Lady's.

Good morning, handiwork.

Papa's home.

I'm going to tell you something right
now, Eldon. I've had it with old man

Quentin. He swiped my newspaper again.

You know, he thinks he can... Whoa,
whoa, whoa. Just a minute here. I got

paper.

Oh. I guess I'll have to replace his car
antenna.

They were all out of your favorite
Colombian blend.

So I got your second favorite.

Cinema Mocha Decaf.

Which brings me to a subject I'd like to
discuss with you.

Now, I know you've become very
accustomed to this little morning ritual

but I think it's about time you invested
the little big bucks you're supposed to

make into a decent coffee maker.

Styrofoam cups are not biodegradable.
Personally, I don't know how much longer

can participate in this careless
disregard for the environment, not to

it spills all over my truck.

Great. Nothing about last night. Nothing
at all.

You didn't hear a word I said.

Sorry, what?

Forget it.

Here, let's sit back and celebrate the
moments of our lives.

Ooh, the funnies. I love the funnies.

Especially Mary Worth. You know, that
old broad's full of good advice.

What?

This new cartoon bullseye cracks me up.

Today there's this lady in this tight
cowgirl outfit. She's chasing this guy

with a lasso in one hand and a
microphone in the other. She says, I got

hankering for a hunk.

Melvin, may I see that, please?

In due time. I'm not finished yet.

But I really want to see it. You got a
whole paper there.

Give me that.

Oh.

Adventures of Mouthy Brown?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. The hair.

The mouth.

That real big head.

That could be you.

That is you!

I can't believe this. It doesn't even
look like me. What kind of hair is that?

And nobody's mouth is that wide. This
O'Shea guy can't even draw.

Well, I can see why you're mad.

You do everything big but your chest.

Well, this is an interesting challenge.

I have two choices.

I can let it bother me, or I can be
flattered.

I'm flattered.

You don't see him lampooning Leslie
Stahl.

I'm more well -known. See, when you get
to be in my position, you have to

develop a sense of humor about these
things.

I guess I'd better get ready for work.

Good morning, Murphy.

Did you happen to see today's paper?

Yes, I did, Jim. And as I've already
explained to Craig, the clarking

Ernie, the janitor, and Murray at the
newsstand, I'm okay with it. In fact, I

thought it was funny.

Oh, good for you.

I have to admit, I thought it was funny,
too.

You, a floozy in hot pants, chasing some
madonnas with your lariat.

Darn, it just tickled me.

And your lips like some giant plunger.

Well, Murphy, I edited Hunk from the
West Coast edition.

I also checked all the major papers, and
none of the critics picked up on it. I

guess you don't read the funnies.

What's with him?

You didn't see it?

See what?

No big deal.

Pat O'Shea, that new cartoonist at the
Post, is getting some mileage out of

night's show.

Oh, this is terrible.

The Adventures of Mouthy Brown.

It's okay, Miles.

You can laugh. I did.

Murphy, you must be furious.

I was just downstairs in the coffee shop
reading the newspaper, and there it

was, your face like some giant blowfish
in every paper in this country. Look at

the size of that mouth.

It's okay, Corky. I can dish it out. I
can take it. You know, if you expect to

be in this business a while, you better
learn how to laugh at yourself.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a lot
of research to do.

Hi, Kirky. Hi, Miles.

Hi, Malfi.

Gee, I kind of hope to see you in your
cowgirl outfit today.

I guess you'd need a 20 -gallon hat for
that head.

Can I have everyone's attention, please?

For the last time, I am not bothered by
this.

If you want to know the truth, I'm
honored. It's not every day you get to

out with Dick Tracy.

In fact, if I were home, this would go
on my refrigerator.

Now, if you'll excuse me, Mouthy Brown
has work to do.

Miss Brown, I'm Jerry Barton. I'm the
new secretary you asked for.

Oh, hi, Jerry. Nice to meet you.

Thanks. I read the cartoon about you in
the paper today. I didn't know you had

that kind of reputation.

I don't.

Uh -huh.

It's a joke.

Teasing.

Right.

So, Jerry, come on.

Busy day.

Now that I've got you here, let's start
with some dictation in my office.

Murphy, you missed your good night last
night.

I'm kind of busy.

You know, Murphy.

There was a time when you wouldn't have
taken this so well. You certainly are

setting a standard of behavior for all
the young people around here. I'm

proud of you.

Two. One to man the life raft, and the
other to set the ships on fire.

Jerry, I'm behind on my profile of Larry
McMurtry. We've got to stay late

tonight. Oh, boy.

Miss Brown, I think we have to have a
talk.

Why? What's the problem?

I've noticed the way you look at me.

Like yesterday, when you asked me to get
the file on the shuttle program, the

file in the bottom drawer so I'd have to
bend over to get it.

Jerry!

Look, Miss Brown, I know you're a big
star and I know you're used to getting

what you want, but when I finally give
myself to a woman,

it's going to be for love.

But I do love you Jerry.

And I'm not wearing any underwear.

that you'd want to have it as a
souvenir.

Frank, could you close the door? Sure.

I can't stand it! I've been white
-slipped on TV!

White -slipped for ten years and
suddenly I'm the laughingstock of

What's wrong with people? I got awards,
Frank, citations. Now all I want to do

is look at this stupid cartoon!

What's the matter with them?

Is this a bad time?

guy takes the cake. If I wanted this
kind of ridicule and abuse, I could have

run for vice president.

Hey Frank, Murphy, I thought you'd
appreciate this. This is too great.

I just got a call from the affiliate in
Miami.

He wants to know if Murphy would be a
judge for the Mr. Swimsuit contest.

What's so funny, Miles?

I don't think that's funny. The only
thing I think is funny is the image of

eating a t -shirt, 42 long, all...

18th already.

I've had it with these moronic cartoons.

I thought I could be a good sport, but
I've learned something.

I'm not a good sport. I am a bad sport.

I am a very, very, very, very, very bad
sport.

The only thing left for me to do is to
call up this O'Shea character and get to

meet him. Now, wait a minute, Murphy.

If you go in there with your guns
blazing, you'll give this guy even more

ammunition to use against you.

Will you give me a little credit? I want
him to meet me, get to know me. You'll

see there's a real person here, not just
some bigger -than -life personality.

It's hard to take shots at someone you
like. You're forgetting something,

What you just described requires a
certain amount of self -control on your

I have self -control.

I do.

Good morning.

Pat O'Shea, please.

Hi, Phil.

Not crazy, Beetle Bailey.

It's okay, Phil. Enjoy it while you can.
I'm about to meet the man who created

Mountie Brown.

Aw, gee, Murphy.

It's the height of a lunch hour.

If a fight breaks out that's anything
like the one you had with Vaughn Hall, I

could lose my life.

I've changed in the past year.

No. I have to.

Murphy Brown.

I'm Pat O'Shea.

Ah, hello there, Pat.

At last we meet.

Why don't we go sit down?

Okay. You know, I wasn't so sure that
this was such a good idea.

I've never come face to face with
somebody that I've lampooned in my

Well, I was looking forward to meeting
you and I thought today would be a good

time to get to know each other.

Then you aren't upset about the comic?

Upset? Me?

No.

Look who's here.

Guys,

what a surprise.

There's somebody I want you to meet.
Frank Fontana, Jim Dial, Pat O'Shea.

Pat O'Shea.

The cartoonist. That's right.

You know, Murphy and I have been friends
for a long time.

I'd hate to think somebody was making
fun of her. Frank. You know...

I'm a real big fan of yours.

Really? Man, the piece you did on
organized crime when you infiltrated the

ranks?

Dangerous stuff.

Yeah, well, I guess it comes with the
territory.

Somebody has to get those people off the
street.

So, you're Pat O'Shea, huh?

I love your work.

And you're Jim Dial.

This is a real thrill to meet you. I've
been watching you for years.

You know, when I was a teenager, I
worked as a copy boy in the same office

the editorial cartoonist. What a
colorful man.

First day, he ordered me into his office
and told me to get three ink dryers

before deadline.

I spent the entire day racing from one
office to the other, looking for those

darn things.

Well, you know there are no such things
as ink dryers. Just a gag you like to

pull on the new copy boys.

Naive boys.

Hardworking boys.

Boys for whom this new job meant
everything. That mean, vindictive, dirty

man.

Cartoonists are like that.

Guys, we were having a little talk here.

Pleasure meeting you. Thank you. Nice
meeting you.

So, Pat, I'd be fascinated to hear how
you got started at the cartoonist.

Well... Hey, Murphy.

Hello, Miles.

And this must be Pat O'Shea.

I'm Miles Silverberg, executive producer
of FYI. Oh.

Here to grab some lunch.

I eat here almost every day at this
time.

So I thought I'd come by for lunch, like
I do almost every day.

Great, Miles. Well, then you know all
about the fire ordinance. You're

the aisle.

Murphy's got a great sense of humor.

She could laugh at herself.

You know, it's the really secure ones
who can do that, Patrick.

Well, I don't want to interrupt two
people who are getting to know each

You know, Pat, we're a lot alike.

We both take big people and cut them
down to size.

But it's real important to know when
enough's enough.

Sure, sometimes I've gone too far.

But if you're not careful, people are
going to stop thinking you're clever and

just start thinking you're mean.

No, I never looked at it that way.

I just never worried about hurting a
person's feelings.

Especially someone like you. I didn't
think it was possible.

Neither did I.

Look, I can't tell you how much I
appreciate you taking time to meet me.

I mean, why would somebody in your
stature with a guy just starting out?

Thanks for the advice.

And thanks for Mouthy.

May she rest in peace.

Thanks.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Miles, have you seen this morning's
paper?

No, not yet. Well, take a good look.

Our friend the cartoonist has found a
new target.

I open up the darn thing and there I am.

Drawn like some doddering has -been.

Hunched over the news desk in an ill
-fitting cardigan.

The old gas bag of broadcasting.

Now, come on now, Jim. Calm down.

Try to have a sense of humor about it.
It's only a cartoon.

Only a cartoon?

Look closer, Miles. Anything familiar
about that little dog in Murphy's lap?

The one with the glasses and the little
blue blazer?

What's your point, Jim? That's you.

That's not me.

How can that be me? It doesn't even look
like me. Come on, Miles.

Wake up and smell the Alpo.

Have you guys seen this?

I would like to know why I am in every
newspaper from Fort Lauderdale to

Vancouver dressed like some Robin Hood
in a tri -cornered hat, a feather boa,

and that striped leotard number. Just
what's that supposed to mean?

And what is he getting at when I say I
prance for justice?

as mine, Frank.

Are you kidding? At least that dog looks
like you. What are you talking about?

I don't have ears like that. But the
eyes are good.

Well, looks like Mr. O'Shea has finally
shown his true colors.

Unbelievable.

I can see I'm going to be real popular
with the guys at the gym.

We've got to get this guy.

You better believe it. Wait a minute. I
thought we were supposed to have a sense

of humor and keep some self -control.

I want him dead.

We've seen it. Everyone's seen it.

Murphy, I have worked long and hard to
gain the kind of acceptance you enjoy in

this business.

And when I saw myself dressed up like a
pom -pom girl in a nationally syndicated

strip, I said, Corky Sherwood, you have
finally made it.

I tell you, I got goose flesh.

I could have cried. And I would have if
it wasn't for Frank's picture.

Nice tights, Frank.

I know I told you we should be
flattered, but this isn't flattering.

It's a put -down.

But the pom -poms.

The megaphone.

The Miss America sash.

This is all your fault, Fido.

Whoa, what are we doing? O'Shea's the
one we're mad at.

I'm going to be the voice of reason
here. I understand exactly how you're

feeling, but it's important to remember
that O'Shea is slime and we have to rise

above him. Besides, there's nothing we
can do to this guy that won't make us

look small.

I don't mind that. It's only one time.

Small's okay.

I'll give it some thought.

A visit.

Oh, that's nice. But if you don't mind,
I've got a deadline.

I just figured out what FYI means.

Four yakking imbeciles.

And I'm drawing them on the yellow brick
road. And I have to finish the monkey

swooping down to get Miles.

Gee, it almost seems as though we never
had our little chat yesterday.

Okay, so I lied to you. But if you think
I'm going to stop now, you're nuts.

You are the best thing to ever happen to
my career.

Now, I may be new in town, but I've been
around long enough to know that you are

a big star with a public image to
protect.

You can't do anything to me.

You are new in town.

It ain't doing me a real favor here. I
was afraid I was going to run out of

material, but boy, you are a veritable
fountain of it.

I'm just sorry that I wasn't around
before you checked into Betty Ford.

You know something?

You're just mean.

Yeah.

I'm real good at it.

I can put people anywhere, have them say
anything.

The ultimate power.

You want to know the best part about it?

I'm going to get rich doing it.

You know something?

I came over here to let you have it.

You know what this is?

A balloon filled with motor oil.

Forty weight.

Here, catch.

And here's one I really am fond of.

Guess what's in this box?

Bean.

Big beans.

Bad beans.

Problem beans.

And here's my personal favorite.

Recognize this?

I was going to bronze it and add it to
my collection next to Spiro Agnew's and

Anita Bryant's.

But you know, listening to you changed
my mind.

Your sentence is having to live with
yourself.

So go do what you want.

I feel sorry for you.

You're pathetic and what you do is
pathetic.

My satisfaction is in knowing I'm the
kind of person who doesn't need to crawl

in the gutter with you.

Ah, what the hell.