All language subtitles for Held.Up.1999.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TRIMARK PICTURES

[MUSIC PLAYING]

* TIE A YELLOW RIBBON
AROUND THE OAK TREE *

* BA BA DUM DUM...

THIS IS GREAT,
THIS IS TIGHT, BABY.

THIS IS A TIGHT SONG.

UH-UH.

YOU AIN'T FEELING IT.

I COULD JUST
FLIP THE TRACK.

FLIP IT TO LIKE
THE 90s VERSION, LIKE

* TIE IT UP, TIE IT UP

* YELLOW RIBBON,
TIE IT UP, UH *

UH!

YOU SPENT $5,000
FOR THIS CAR

AND YOU DON'T EVEN
CHECK TO SEE IF
THE RADIO WORKS?

COME ON, GIRL,
YOU GOTTA REALIZE

FOR ONE, THIS IS NOT
A CD PLAYER, OK?

THIS IS NOT A CD PLAYER,
YOU CAN'T BE BANGING IT
LIKE THAT.

THIS IS HISTORY,
THIS IS ORIGINAL
EQUIPMENT,

IT'S AN 8-TRACK TAPE.

WELL, I'M GONNA
DESTROY SOME ORIGINAL
DAMN EQUIPMENT

IN ABOUT TWO MINUTES.

THERE YOU GO.

EVERY TIME SOMETHING
SETS YOU OFF,

YOU WANNA GO SWINGING
AT THE DING-A-LING.

I DON'T KNOW WHY
WOMEN WANT TO DO THAT.

ALWAYS DING-A-LINGS
SWINGING.

I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW,

YOU CAN SWING MY
DING-A-LING BACK TO
CHICAGO.

OH GOD...

YOU GETTING SICK?

YEAH.

UH, LOOK,
AIM IT OUT THIS TIME.

MICHAEL, STOP IT.

YOU CARE MORE ABOUT
THIS CAR THAN YOU DO
ABOUT ME.

NO I DO NOT.

YES YOU DO.
COME ON.

YOU KNOW
I LOVE YOU, GIRL.

IT'S JUST THAT IT COSTS
A LOT OF MONEY TO GET
THESE SEATS CLEANED

AND I HAVEN'T EVEN
SPENT ONE NIGHT WITH
THE CAR YET.

OOH...

YOU GETTING SICK?

HONEY?

YOU'RE GETTING SICK,
HUH?

OUT, OUT, OUT, AIM OUT.

NO, HONEY,
I DON'T HAVE TO
THROW UP.

WHAT YOU GOTTA DO?

I GOTTA...

MMMMM....

IN, IN, HOLD IT IN.

DRIVE FASTER,
I'VE GOTTA GO TO
THE BATHROOM!

I'M DRIVING.
HONEY,
DRIVE FAST!

I'M GOING.

I'M GONNA TURN
THE MUSIC UP SO
YOU DON'T FEEL IT.

OK.

* TIE A YELLOW RIBBON

I GOTTA GO!

TIE A YELLOW RIBBON
AROUND YOUR ASS.

OK, BABY.

* TIE A RIBBON AROUND
THE OLD OAK TREE *

Man: BALL 3!

Announcer:
HE TAKES BALL 3.

PHOENIX IS UP BY ONE
IN THE FIRST INNING

OF THIS STATE
CHAMPIONSHIP GAME.

THE WINNER GOES ON
TO THE NATIONALS.

ALL RIGHT, PETE.
THIS IS THE PITCH.

NO PRESSURE, BABE.
NO PRESSURE.

GOOD EYE, GOOD EYE.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S DROP
A QUARTER IN THIS CAROUSEL.

[CAR ALARM]

STRIKE THREE!
YOU'RE OUT!

Announcer: EVERYONE,
PLEASE STAY IN YOUR SEATS WHILE
THE OFFICIALS SORT THIS OUT.

HUH?

OH, YOU MUST BE SMOKING.

HEY, HEY, WHAT'S
GOING ON WITH MY--

CHILDREN OF THE CORN...

YOU STRUCK OUT MY HITTER
WITH 3 MEN ON BASE.

STRUCK OUT YOUR HITTER?

OH, YOU TALKING ABOUT
THE LITTLE GAME.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, MY BAD.

MICHAEL!

YEAH?

I HOPE SHE DON'T
THINK THAT'S A JOHN.

THAT FILLED UP LAST SEASON.

EWWW...

HONEY!

OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH..

HI, LOOK, I'M SORRY
FOR WHATEVER HE DID.

I DID?

BUT COULD YOU PLEASE
TELL ME WHERE I COULD
FIND A BATHROOM?

WELL, MOST BUSINESSES
AROUND HERE ARE CLOSED DOWN

BECAUSE OF OUR LITTLE GAME.

BUT YOU MIGHT TRY THE ZIP.

TWO MILES OUT ON MAIN.

OK, HONEY,
COME ON, GOTTA GO.

YEAH, I'M COMING.
JUST HOLD ON.

I GOT SOME MAN STUFF
I GOT TO DISCUSS--

PLAY BALL!

HONEY I GOTTA GO.

I GOT TO DO
SOME MAN STUFF.

DOGGONE!

[ENGINE STARTS]

HEY, HOLD ON A SECOND.

MY DAMAGES
AND EVERYTHING.

LET'S GO PLAY SOME DEFENSE.

WHAT YOU LOOKING AT,
TINY?

[CAR HORN]

RAE!

RAE! RAE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WAIT, WAIT OH!

[RADIO PLAYING]

SEE? IT WORKS.

THERE JUST WEREN'T ANY
RADIO STATIONS IN THE DESERT.

COME ON, COME ON,
COME ON, COME ON!

GO, GO, GO, GO.

I SEE SOMETHING PEEKING.

YOU DROPPED SOMETHING.

LET YOUR
BAG OF TOOLS GO, GIRL

HIGHWAY ROBBERY.

I-I-I'M SAYING THE PRICES
ARE HIGHWAY ROBBERY.

I WASN'T REFERRING
TO YOU GUYS

THAT Y'ALL WERE ROBBERS
OR NOTHING LIKE THAT.

I'M SURE Y'ALL
NICE CHRISTIAN FOLK.

Man on intercom: IS THAT
THE CAR McCANN HAD FOR SALE
DOWN IN PHOENIX?

UH, YEAH, YEAH IT IS.

UH, YOU KNOW YOUR
PUMP IS BROKE.

WHAT'D YOU DO TO IT?

I DIDN'T DO
NOTHING TO IT.

IT WAS WORKING FINE
BEFORE YOU GOT HERE.

YEAH, WELL, NOW THAT
I'M HERE IT AIN'T--

FORGOT TO LIFT THE HANDLE,
DIDN'T YOU? HA HA...

HA HA, YOU FORGOT
TO KISS MY BLACK ASS.

YEAH, WELL, LOOKS LIKE
THAT STUDEBAKER'S STILL
GOT THAT WIRING PROBLEM.

LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT
A NOSY AS HELL PROBLEM.

[CAR ALARM]

I'M AMAZED THAT OLD CAR RUNS
AT ALL WITH ALL THAT ELECTRONIC
JUNK McCANN STUCK ON IT.

I'M AMAZED SOMEBODY
AIN'T RAN IN THERE
AND KICKED YOUR ASS

WITH ALL THAT TRASH
YOU'RE TALKING.

I HOPE YOU DIDN'T PAY
THE FULL 18 THOU HE WAS
ASKING FOR.

THAT'S NONE OF YOUR
DAMN BUSINESS.

[ALARM STOPS]

$18,000?

HUH?

YOU TOLD ME WE PAID 5.

IS THAT WHAT I SAID?

YES!

I TALKED HIM DOWN.

YOU KNOW, MICHAEL,
WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE GOOD,

BUT YOU AIN'T THAT GOOD.

NOW LET ME SEE
THE CHECKBOOK.

OH, YEAH, WELL
THE CHECKBOOK IS RIGHT--

RIGHT IN,
RIGHT IN YOUR HAND.

YOU GOT IT IN YOUR HAND.

I WANTED TO MAKE
SURE YOU COULD SEE.

IT WAS KIND OF DARK
WHEN THE TRANSACTION
WENT DOWN.

OH, MY GOD.

MICHAEL!

RAE, I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE THINKING.

$15,000?

BUT IT'S A '57
GOLDENHAWK CLASSIC.

HONEY, THAT WAS
OUR HOUSE MONEY!

DID I TELL YOU
IT WAS SUPERCHARGED?

MICHAEL, YOU LIED TO ME.

OH, COME ON, YOU'RE
GETTING ALL EMOTIONAL.

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE
YOU'RE IN A SOAP OPERA.

IS IT YOUR
TIME OF THE MONTH?

WHAT?

IS THAT WHAT'S GOING ON?

I MEAN, 'CAUSE
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
BLOATED LOOKING.

LITTLE KANGAROO PATCH,
AND I DIDN'T WANT TO
SAY ANYTHING.

YOU KNOW,
I SHOULD WHUP YOUR ASS.

EXCUSE ME?

RAE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THESE PEOPLE
COULD BE DANGEROUS.

OH, YOU BACK OFF!
I CAN BE DANGEROUS.

HI, I NEED TO GET
TO AN AIRPORT.

WE AREN'T TAKING SIDES.

AIRPORT?
COME ON, RAE.

AN AIRPORT?
THAT'S CRAZY.

OH, YOU AIN'T SEEN
CRAZY YET, EITHER.

Man on intercom:
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR AN AIRPORT?

YEAH.

YEAH, ACTUALLY,
HI, I AM.

YEAH, I TOLD YOU ONCE
TO STAY OUT OF OUR BUSINESS.

Man on intercom:
LAS VEGAS IS JUST A SHORT
DRIVE AROUND THE CANYON.

OH, THANK YOU,
THANK YOU.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

AFTER ALL THAT I'VE DONE.

TRYING TO PUT TOGETHER
A NICE LITTLE VACATION.

AND THIS IS
THE WAY YOU ACT?

YOU CALL THIS
A NICE VACATION?

AND NOW WE'RE SPENDING
THE REST OF OUR TIME
DRIVING BACK TO CHICAGO

TO LOOK FOR A HOUSE
THAT WE SUDDENLY
CAN'T AFFORD?

Man on intercom:
THAT MONEY WAS FOR A HOUSE?

YES!
CAN YOU BELIEVE HIM?

AND HE BOUGHT
THIS STUPID PIECE
OF SHIT BATMOBILE.

YOU KNOW,
I-I'M OUT OF HERE.

THAT'S IT.

RAE--IT'S NOT
A BATMOBILE, BRO.

RAE, WHERE YOU GOING?

AWAY FROM YOU.

LOOK, DON'T
MAKE ME CALL OUT
YOUR NAME, GIRL.

I WISH YOU WOULD.

I'LL CALL OUT YOUR NAME.

I'M GONNA
CALL OUT YOUR NAME.

MMM-HMMM.

I'LL CUSS YOU.

GIMMIE THIS BAG!

GIMMIE! YOU BETTER!

YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE GETTING,

YOU'RE GETTING STRONG.

YOU AIN'T GOTTA TAKE IT
OUT ON THE CAR, EITHER.

HEY! DON'T
DISRESPECT ME, WOMAN.

HONOR THINE BOYFRIEND,

LIKE IT SAYS
IN THE BIBLE.

THERE'S A FLIGHT TO CHICAGO
LEAVING VEGAS AIRPORT
TONIGHT AT 6:00.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU
WEREN'T TAKING SIDES.

I DIDN'T KNOW
IT WOULD BE SO EASY.

Man on intercom:
MICHAEL, SPENDING THAT MONEY
VIOLATED A TRUST, A BOND.

I'M GONNA SNATCH SOME
WIRES OUT YOUR ASS.

Man: WE'RE HEADED
THAT WAY, MA'AM.

AND YOU'RE SURE WELCOME
TO RIDE WITH US.

AS LONG AS YOU DON'T MIND RIDING
IN THE BACK WITH THE BOYS.

THE BOYS?

OH, MAN.

HOWDY.
HI.

THEY DON'T
WANT YOU, RAE.

THEY GOT SPURS THAT
JINGLE JANGLE JINGLE.

THEY GOT ROPES
AND NO STEERS.

THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.

LOOK, RAE, LISTEN.

LISTEN, COME ON,
NOW BLACK PEOPLE DON'T
DO THIS KIND OF STUFF.

ALL RIGHT,
MOUNTAIN CLIMBING,

GETTING LOST
IN THE FOREST

AND TAKING RIDES WITH
PEOPLE WE DON'T KNOW.

WE DON'T DO THAT.

SO LET'S
JUST CHILL, OK?

GOOD-BYE, MICHAEL.

I'M LEAVING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU'RE LEAVING?

I CAN'T DO THIS.

YOU CAN'T DO WHAT?

I CAN'T BE WITH
YOU ANYMORE, MICHAEL.

YOU ARE
REALLY TRIPPING.

OH, NOW YOU'RE GONNA
GIVE THE RING BACK.

OK, COME ON.

WELL, I SPENT A LOT
OF MONEY ON THE RING.

NO, I DIDN'T MEAN IT
LIKE THAT, RAE. LOOK--

I MAY NOT BE AN EXPERT,
MICHAEL, BUT WOMEN LIKE
TO FEEL IMPORTANT.

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS,
LIKE SENDING THEM FLOWERS
FOR NO REASON,

OR LEAVING LITTLE NOTES
IN THEIR SOCK DRAWERS.

UNCLE FESTER,
IF YOU DON'T GET UP
OUT OF HERE--

OK, LOOK, RAE, YOU DONE
HAD YOUR LITTLE FUN,

YOU AND THE
BEVERLY HILLBUDDIES
AND EVERYTHING,

BUT I'M GONNA COUNT TO 3

AND I WANT YOU TO GET
YOUR NARROW TAIL OFF
OF THIS TRUCK.

ONE...

TWO...

I'M AT TWO, RAE.

THIS IS TWO.

OK, WELL, GO ON THEN.

I DON'T NEED YOU.

I'M JUST PLAYING, RAE.

RAE, I'M PLAYING.

WHAT ABOUT MY RING?

I'LL FED EX IT TO YOU!

AND DON'T TRY TO CALL
MY MAMA'S HOUSE.

GIRL, YOUR MOTHER LOVES ME.

WHAT?

I'LL CALL IF I WANT TO.

WHAT THE HELL?

OH!

Man:
TOUGH BREAK, MAN.

HUH?

PRETTY STUPID TO LOCK
YOUR KEYS IN LIKE THAT.

WASN'T STUPID, MAN.

I WAS JUST IN A HURRY.

YOU GOT TO BE CAREFUL,
THIS IS A CLASSIC CAR.

DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

I CAN OPEN IT,
YOU KNOW.

YOU CAN?

50 BUCKS.

50 BUCKS, PARTNER,
WHO YOU TRYING TO FOOL, MAN?

$50 AND I CAN
GET IN HERE MYSELF.

HEY, I HEARD SOME OF
THEM COWBOYS SAY

YOUR GIRLFRIEND
HAD A CUTE BUTT.

IS THAT WHAT THEY SAID?

MMM-HMMM.

IT WAS THE TALL ONE,
WASN'T IT?

KICK HIS ASS.

LOOK, ALL RIGHT,
THIS IS 50.

IT'S ALL I'VE GOT.

BUT YOU GET IT AFTER
YOU GET IN HERE, OK?

YOU OPEN IT,
THE MONEY'S YOURS.

LET'S GO.

WELL, I'M GOING
TO NEED A HANGER.

I CAN'T DO IT
WITHOUT A HANGER.

OK, I'M GOING TO RUN IN
AND GRAB YOU A HANGER

AND A WET NAP TO GET YOUR
SLUSH PUPPY-NESS OFF MY RIDE.

FOR 50 BUCK, YOU SHOULD
HAVE YOUR OWN HANGER.

Man on intercom:
* BEAUTIFUL DREAMER...

YES!

* STARLIGHT A BOO BOO...

UH, EXCUSE ME, BING,
DO YOU WORK HERE?

NO, I JUST LIKE
WEARING PLAID.

OK, LOOK, I NEED TO GET
A HANGER FROM YOU.

AND I NEED $14.75
FOR THE GAS.

LOOK, I'M IN A HURRY,
THIS IS ALL I GOT.

BETTER GET
SOMETHING ELSE THEN.

ALL RIGHT, $14.75 FOR THE GAS,
$35.25 FOR A HANGER.

YOU DON'T NEED A HANGER.

NO, I DO NEED A HANGER.

LOOK, IF YOU WAS IN MY
BUSINESS LIKE YOU WERE EARLIER,

YOU'D UNDERSTAND
THE LITTLE MAN OUT THERE

CAN'T GET INTO MY CAR
WITHOUT A HANGER.

YOU WANT TO BET
THAT 50 BUCKS?

I WILL DOUBLE DOWN
ON THE 50 BUCKS.

AND THE PLAID SHIRT.

HEY! HEY!
GET OUT OF MY RIDE!

OH, I'M GONNA KICK
YOUR LITTLE ASS!

YOUR LITTLE ASS IS KICKED!

I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!

DAMN!

* BEAUTIFUL DREAMER
WAKE UNTO ME *

* STARLIGHT AND DREAMLIGHT...

I NEED A PHONE.

SHERIFF'S NUMBER'S
ON THE SIDE.

I NEED TO GET A QUARTER
FROM YOU, BOSS.

[CASH REGISTER DOOR]

I AIN'T GOT NO QUARTERS.

WHAT KIND OF A STORE
AIN'T GOT NO QUARTERS?

HEY, LOOK HERE,
PARTNER,

WHAT DO I GOT TO
DO TO GET A QUARTER
AROUND HERE?

I KNOW WHERE YOU CAN
MAKE A QUICK 100 IF YOU
LIKE WEARING TIGHTS.

COME ON, MAN.

I AM IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

WHAT YOU NEED, OPIE?

ARE YOU PUFF DADDY?

DO I LOOK LIKE
PUFF DADDY TO YOU?

UM, YOU GOT A QUARTER?

UH-HUH.

I AM PUFF DADDY.

IT'S AMAZING HOW YOU
SAW THROUGH MY DISGUISE.

LOOK, I NEED TO MAKE
A CALL 'CAUSE I GOT TO
CALL MY RECORD COMPANY

AND CHECK ON MY--

YOU KNOW THEY'RE GOING
BACK TO 8-TRACKS?

DO YOU RAP?

YEAH.

YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU
COULD BE 2 SHORT.

JOSE!

YOU KNOW,
VANILLA 2 SHORT.

[TELEPHONE]

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]

SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

Michael: I NEED TO
REPORT A STOLEN CAR.

OH, BUMMER.
SHERIFF'S NOT HERE,

HE'S AT
THE BASEBALL GAME.

DAMN, WHY DON'T
THAT SURPRISE ME?

I CAN HAVE RICK DROP BY.

OK, YOU CAN HAVE
RICK DROP BY?

DOES RICK HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH
LAW ENFORCEMENT?

DOES HE CARRY A GUN,
A BADGE, OR SOME SHIT
LIKE THAT?

HE'S THE DEPUTY.

COOL. SEND RICK
ON OVER HERE THEN.

WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M AT THE UH,

THE PIZ AND PIZ.

NO, I'M SORRY,
THE SIP AND ZIP.

WHEN YOU SEE HIM,
TELL HIM WILMA SAYS HEY.

OK, I'LL TELL HIM
YOU SAID HEY.

YOU WANT ME TO PICK UP SOME
HIS AND HER T-SHIRTS, TOO?

NAH, JUST HEY.
BYE.

ALL RIGHT, HEY, HEY,
DON'T YOU NEED TO KNOW MY NAME?

DUH, FIGURE YOU'LL BE
THE ONE WITHOUT THE CAR.

OK, ALSO I HAVE ON
A--HELLO?

YEAH, WELL, THEY SAID
THEY'RE GONNA SEND SOMEBODY
NAMED RICK OVER.

THIS IS COOL.

ALL RIGHT,
I GOT 50 BUCKS,

MINUS THE $14.75 FOR GAS.

AND HIS QUARTER.

OK, I GOT $35.

AND I GOT 6 HOURS TO
MAKE IT TO THE AIRPORT.

JOSE'S DAUGHTER'S TAKING
A LOAD OF GRAPEFRUIT
TO THE AIRPORT.

SHE COULD TAKE YOU.

CAN SHE GET
ME THERE BY 6:00?

ANTES DE LA SEIS?

NO ES PROBLEMA.

OH, MAN, TELL HIM,
I'LL TELL HIM.

THANK YOU MAN,
YOU'VE SAVED MY LIFE-AY.

UH, I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO THANK YOUR-EZ.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

HE SAYS THE $35
WOULD BE NICE.

THE $35.

ALL RIGHT,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL GIVE HER HALF
WHEN SHE GETS HERE,

I'LL GIVE HER THE OTHER
HALF-AY WHEN WE GET
TO THE AIRPORT-O.

MEDIO DE MEDIO.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

TACO BUENO.

HE SAYS OK,

EXCEPT YOU LOOK LIKE
THE GUY WHO STOLE HIS STEREO.

BUT I'VE NEVER MET YOU.

COME ON WITH THE JOKES.

HE DON'T NEED
TO STEAL ANYTHING.

HE'S PUFFY.

THAT'S RIGHT.
I DON'T NEED TO STEAL.

I'M PUFFY.

GIVE IT TO ME BRO.
YOU GOT MY BACK.

WE BAD.

EVERYTHING GOING
TO BE ALL RIGHT.

WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS,

WHAT DO YOU DO?

I LIKE TO MAKE A LIGHT
HOLLANDAISE SAUCE WITH
A SALMON FRAPPE.

SOUNDS GOOD.

YEAH, HELL, I'M STARVING.

Boy: FLAP, FLAP, FLAP!

NO! TO THE RIGHT!

MAN, YOU SUCK.

IT'S A STUPID GAME ANYWAY.

GO TO COLLEGE.

UH, MR. DADDY?

YEAH?

CAN YOU SIGN MY HAT?

UH...

YOU WANT PUFF DADDY'S
AUTOGRAPH, HUH?

YEAH!

UH, WELL, YEAH,
WH-WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

RUSTY.

TO RU--WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S TOO SOFT.

YOU GOT TO BE,
"TO BUSTIN' RUSTY," HUH?

UH, "RECOGNIZE."

UM, "HUGS AND KISSES,
PUFFY."

THERE.

OH, THIS IS DOPE.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
YOU GOT TO PUT
THE HAT RIGHT.

SEE, YOU GOT TO
PUT IT LIKE THAT.

NOW YOU'RE SUAVE,
SEE?

GET YOUR SHIRT RIGHT.

WHAT ARE THESE,
GAUCHOS?

LET YOUR GAUCHOS HANG.

NOW YOU CAN HANG
WITH THE HOMEBOYS.

IN DA HOOD?

IN THE WHAT?

IN DA HOOD.

YEAH, WHERE ELSE
WOULD YOU BE?

OF COURSE YOU'D BE
IN THE HOOD.

ARE YOU A WARRIOR?

YEAH.
ARE YOU DOWN?

YEAH!
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.

YOU GOT TO BE A WARRIOR
TO HANG OUT WITH PUFFY.

[BANG]

GET DOWN,
THEY'RE SHOOTING.

I DIDN'T WANT
THIS FOR YOU.

YOU'RE TOO YOUNG.

OH, MY GOD,
ARE YOU BLEEDING?

AFTERNOON, JACK.

HELLO, MARY.

Boy: YOU BUSTIN'
A MOVE ON ME, PUFFY?

YEAH, UH, THAT'S JUST
A LITTLE REFLEX.

YOU KNOW, YOU GOTTA
BE READY WHEN YOU'RE
IN THE STREETS.

WOW.

YOU EVER KILL ANYBODY?

UH, UH, YEAH,
I PROBABLY HAVE.

BUT I DIDN'T STICK
AROUND TO SEE.

YOU KNOW, I'M JUST
TOUGH LIKE THAT.

Mary: ARE THESE
DONUTS FRESH, JACK?

Jack: FRESH AS USUAL.

HMM.

ARE YOU HER?

WHAT?

THE LADY WITH THE MELONS?

WHAT?

THE LADY WITH
THE GRAPEFRUITS.

ARE YOU HER?

HELLO?

YOU AIN'T HER.

¿QUE PASA, CABRON?

Michael:
THAT WAS QUICK.

THANKS, JACKIE.

MAYBE I CAN RETURN
THE FAVOR ONE DAY.

* BEAUTIFUL DREAMER...

MY BAD.

HEY, YOU
LOOKING FOR ME?

WHAT?

HOW YOU DOING?

YEAH, I SAW THE CRATE
ON THE BACK,

SO I FIGURED
YOU HAD TO BE HER.

WHAT? YOU KNOW
ABOUT THE CRATE?

YEAH, WELL HE
MENTIONED A CRATE.

Jack: WHIPPED CREAM,

DOG FOOD, DOUCHE?

YOU SURE YOU WANT
THE SPRING-SCENTED DOUCHE?

THEY SAY FRESH AND NATURAL
BEATS IT ALL TO HELL.

THIS IS WHAT I SAT
ON THE FRIGGIN' COUNTER,

SO THIS IS WHAT I WANT.

YOU GOT IT.

Michael: SO I'LL GIVE
YOU HALF OF IT NOW

AND I'LL GIVE YOU
THE REST OF IT LATER.

HEY, JACK, HOW ABOUT
SOME HOT DOGS?

Jack: UH, HOT DOGS
NOT DONE YET.

Whisper: Rodrigo!

Michael: SOME DONUTS?

THEY'RE DONE.

Rodrigo!

Shut up!

WELL, RODRIGO,
THAT'LL BE $9.57.

QUARTERS, IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I'D APPRECIATE IT.

UH...OK! NOBODY MOVE!

COOL.

WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU DOING IN HERE?

MAN, I CAME TO GET A
HOT DOG, I WAS HUNGRY--

WHO THE HELL IS HE?

HE'S YOUR GUY.

HE AIN'T MY GUY.

LOOK, I'M NOBODY'S GUY.

HE KNOWS ABOUT THE CRATE.

OH, JESUS, HE KNOWS
ABOUT THE CRATE.

HOW DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT THE CRATE?

WELL, SOMEBODY TOLD ME--

YOU ALL RUNNING
GRAPEFRUIT, HUH?

HE DON'T KNOW SHIT,
RODRIGO.

WOULD YOU STOP
USING NAMES?

IS THAT WHAT
I SAY TO YOU?

I SAID NOT TO USE NAMES,
RIGHT?

IS THAT WHAT
I SAID TO YOU

OR WAS THAT SOME
OTHER FRIGGIN' IDIOT
IN THE CAR?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
TALKING TO TRINA.

HEY, SAL!

OH, GREAT!

NOW EVERYBODY
GOT THAT?

I'M RODRIGO,

THAT'S TRINA
OVER THERE,

AND THE BIG MOUTH
IS FRIGGIN' SAL.

Sal: I'M SORRY,
BUT HE KNOWS ABOUT THE CRATE.

Rodrigo: OK, SHUT UP!

EVERYBODY HANDS UP!

SAL, SEE IF HE'S
GOT A WEAPON UNDER
THE COUNTER.

COME ON.

HEY, LOOK, I SEE YOU
GOT A LOT ON YOUR MIND
RIGHT NOW, MAN.

I GOT SOMEWHERE
I GOT TO BE.

I'M GONNA GO AHEAD
AND GIVE YOU THIS TO
START YOU OUT,

'CAUSE I COULD GO
OVER HERE AND MIND MY
OWN DAMN BUSINESS...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MAN?

GIVE HER THE SHOTGUN!

[SCREAMS]

WATCH WHAT YOU'RE
DOING, HUH?

HE TOLD ME TO DO IT.

MA'AM, THAT, UH,
THAT SHOTGUN HAS
A HAIR TRIGGER.

WHAT IS THAT?

HI-YAW!

HEY!

YOU KNOW WHO
YOU'RE FOOLING WITH?

THIS IS PUFF DADDY!

HE THE MAN.

CHILL, LITTLE MAN.

THIS IS NOT THE TIME
NOR THE PLACE TO BE
A WARRIOR, ALL RIGHT?

HE'S HOT. IT'S SO HOT
IN HERE, HE'S LOSING IT.

PUFFY IS ROUGH,

HE IS TOUGH,

AND HE WILL KICK
YOUR ASS WEST-SIDE!

HEY, HEY, HEY!

WERE YOU RAISED
IN A FRIGGIN' ZOO WITH
A MOUTH LIKE THAT?

HUH?

YOUR PARENTS DON'T
TEACH YOU NOTHING?

I GOT A GUN, MAN,
WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU THINKING?

USE YOUR HEAD!

SON, THAT GUN COULD
PUT A HOLLOW POINT

THROUGH A 2-INCH
STEEL PLATE AT 50 YARDS.

I'D DO WHAT HE SAYS.

Rodrigo: OK,

GIVE ME WHAT YOU GOT
IN THAT THING. COME ON!

16 BUCKS.

I-I-I DON'T
BELIEVE THIS SHIT!

ALL YOU GOT IN HERE
IS 16 BUCKS!

CHECK BACK AFTER LABOR DAY.

THAT'S OUR BIG WEEKEND.

AY, RODRIGO.

CHECK IT OUT.

¡AY DIOS MIO!

¡AY DIOS MIO! WE'RE ON
CANDID FRIGGIN' CAMERA.

SAL, WHIPPED CREAM!

TAKE CARE OF IT.

[YELLING IN SPANISH]

YOU TOLD ME
TO DO IT!

WHEN I SAY TAKE CARE
OF THE CAMERA,

THIS IS WHAT I MEAN.

HE'S...

HE LIES, HE'S JUST...

HE'S JUST AN IDIOT,
YOU KNOW?

YES, MA'AM.

AND I TRY REALLY HARD.

CHEW?

HERE YOU GO.

IT'S BETTER IF YOU
DON'T SWALLOW IT.

IT'S GOOD,
AIN'T IT?

LET ME SEE THE PURSE.

LET ME SEE THE PURSE.

WHOA.

SOMEBODY GOT
THE JUMBO PACK.

HEY, LET'S SEE
THE RING.

OH, COME ON, MAN,
LEAVE HER RING ALONE.

WHO ARE YOU NOW, EH?

BEVERLY HILLS COP?

NO, I'M NOT
A HILLS COP.

LOOK, LOOK AT HER.

THE RING PROBABLY
AIN'T EVEN REAL ANYWAY.

YES IT IS REAL.

GIVE ME THE RING.

OK. FINE.

IT'S INSURED.

VAMOS, RODRIGO.
SAL!

CHECK OUT
LEATHERHEAD.

COME ON,
EMPTY THE POCKETS.

THEY ARE EMPTY.

HE SAYS THEY'RE EMPTY.
VAMOS.

SAL!

I DON'T TRUST
HIM, MAN.

Michael:
LOOK, BRO.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST
MINIMIZE ALL THE PAIN

AND QUIT WITH
THE ANTICS.

JUST ASK HIM
ABOUT THE SAFE.

THEY GOT A SAFE?

I KNOW THEY GOT A SAFE.

SHOW ME THE SAFE.

I SWEAR TO GOD,
I'LL WASTE HIM IF YOU DON'T.

OH, THAT'LL TEACH ME.

OK, HOW ABOUT HER?

HUH?

Michael:
COME ON, MAN.

TAKE IT EASY
WITH THE GUN.

YOU SEE THE GIRL
IS SCARED.

YOU NEVER SHUT UP?

IS THAT WHY YOUR
OLD LADY DUMPED YOU?

Jack: ACTUALLY,
SHE SAID HE WAS
AN EGOTISTICAL,

SELF-CENTERED JACKASS.

SHE DID NOT
SAY ALL THAT.

I'M PARAPHRASING.

Rodrigo: AHA...

I TOLD YOU, TRINA.
HE GOT MONEY.

I GUESS I CAN BREAK
THAT 50 FOR YOU NOW.

HA, YOU GOT 50.

[INAUDIBLE]

Jack: HEY, YOU WANT
A BAG FOR ALL THAT?

YEAH, PLEASE.

GET IT, TRINA.

SHIT! THE COPS!

WHAT?

WHO CALLED
THE COPS?

WHO CALLED
THE FRIGGIN' COPS?!

HE DID.

NO, WELL, YEAH,
I DID CALL THE COPS

MY CAR
GOT JACKED.

WHY THE HELL DID YOU
COME IN HERE TODAY?

I DIDN'T KNOW IT
WAS STICKUP DAY.

WE'RE GOING TO JAIL,
RODRIGO.

SHUT UP! NOBODY'S
GOING TO JAIL!

WE GET RID OF
THE COP.

JUST PRETEND WE'RE
IN LINE, ALL RIGHT?

JUST BE COOL.
DON'T TRY NOTHING.

OR I PUT A BULLET
IN HIS BACK.

OK, IN
EVERYBODY'S BACK.

Sal: I HAVE TO
GET OUT OF HERE.

YOU'RE NOT GOING
ANYWHERE.

CHECK OUT THOSE
DORITOS OVER THERE.

GO!

JUST KEEP READING.

HEY, KID.

Boy: WHAT?

PLAY THAT GAME
SOME MORE.

FINE.

TRINA. FIX UP ONE OF
THEM HOT DOGS.

HOT DOGS
AIN'T DONE YET.

THROW THE FRIGGIN'
THING IN THE MICROWAVE.

DO IT, TRINA!

I CAN'T DO IT!
I CAN'T DO IT!

JUST DON'T LOOK AT HIM.

YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT IF
YOU DON'T LOOK AT HIM.

HOWDY, JACK.

HELLO, BEAU.

[BAG POPS]

Beau: WHICH ONE OF YOU'S
GOT THE STOLEN CAR?

YEAH, UH,
YOU MUST BE RICK.

DEPUTY BEAUMONT.

WILMA TOLD ME
TO TELL YOU "HEY."

DID SHE?

ALL RIGHT,
I GOT SOME PAPERWORK

IF YOU WANT TO FOLLOW ME
OUT TO THE CRUISER.

YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I WOULD LOVE
TO FOLLOW YOU...

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I CAN'T RIGHT NOW.

I CAN'T EVEN DO IT.

I GOTTA STAY IN HERE,

BACK IN LINE WHERE
THE OTHER PEOPLE ARE,

'CAUSE THEY WERE
WITNESSES.

YOU TWO TOGETHER?

NO. MATTER OF FACT,
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM.

HOW YOU DOING, MAN?
MIKE, MIKE DAWSON.

HOW YOU DOING?

Beaumont: ALL RIGHT,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL GO OUT TO THE CAR
AND I'LL GET SOME FORMS,

AND I'LL COME BACK IN,
AND WE CAN DISCUSS IT
HOWEVER YOU LIKE.

I THINK HE BOUGHT IT.

Mike: YEAH, SURE,
HE SEES A BLACK MAN
BUYING DOUCHE EVERY DAY.

HOW IN PERDITION
CAN YOU CALL HIM OUT
[PHONE RINGING]

WHEN HE DROPPED
THE DADGUM BALL?

YEAH?

NO, IT'S THE MAYOR...
RICK BEAUMONT.

WHAT IS IT, BEAU?

HE DIDN'T BUY IT,
RODRIGO.

RODRIGO, HE AIN'T
BUYING IT!
SHH!

WHAT'S HE DOING IN THERE?

HE'S PROBABLY WONDERING
WHY WE'RE LOOKING
SO RIDICULOUS.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO BE DOING?

I DON'T KNOW.

BUY SOMETHING.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO PAY FOR IT?

I STILL CAN'T
BREAK THAT $50.

NEED ANYTHING ELSE?

HORACE!

I GOT AN EMERGENCY.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
TAKE OVER AS COACH.

OK.
WHAT DO I DO?

TAKE IT EASY ON HIM.

Mike: THIS IS MY
HOME PHONE NUMBER.

IF MY GIRL ANSWERS,
MAN, PLEASE HANG UP
THE PHONE UP...

Beaumont: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
MR. DAWSON, THAT'S PLENTY.

I'LL GO GET THIS
ON THE HORN,

AND WE'LL SEE WHAT
WE CAN COME UP WITH.

[POP]

MARY.
RICHARD.

HE BOUGHT IT.

VAMONOS.

HASTA MANANA.
JUST KIDDING.

OH, SHIT!

THE COP SET US UP!

[SCREAMS] HE BROUGHT
THE WHOLE FRIGGIN' TOWN!

Sal: VAMOS!

Rodrigo: THE CRATE! THE CRATE!

LEAVE THE DAMN CRATE!

NO, NO, NO!
HELP ME!

LET'S GO.

NO, NO!
WE CAN'T LEAVE HIM!

WE GOT THE MONEY! GO!

SAL! TRINA!

[SIRENS WAILING]

Sheriff: DAMN IT, BEAU.
WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!

WAHOO!

Officer: GET 'EM BOYS.

[GUNSHOTS]

THOSE GUYS ARE CRAZY!

NO SHIT.

YOU FELLAS HOLD OFF.

AIN'T NO POINT IN
SHOOTING UP PUBLIC PROPERTY

IF IT AIN'T NECESSARY.

PUBLIC PROPERTY, MY ASS.
I OWN THIS PLACE!

THIS IS SHERIFF ELI PEMBRY
OF NORTH BUTTE COUNTY.

WE'VE GOT YOU SURROUNDED,

SO YOU MIGHT
JUST AS WELL GIVE UP

BEFORE THIS THING
GETS OUT OF HAND.

NO, NO, NO, FORGET IT.
FORGET IT, MAN!

Sheriff: NOBODY OUT HERE
WANTS TO HURT YOU.

FORGET IT, MAN!

Rodrigo: YOU GRINGOS IS CRAZY!

I GOT YOU DEAD,
DIRTBAG.

Sheriff: WE JUST WANT YOU
TO WALK OUT NICE AND SLOW.

GIVE YOURSELF UP.

THAT'S IT.

YEAH, I GOTCHA!

[GUNSHOT]

I'M A HOSTAGE!

GIVE ME THAT!

ALL YOU OTHER PECKERWOODS,

DON'T FIRE UNLESS
YOU'RE FIRED UPON.

MAN, THOSE REDNECKS
ARE CRAZY!

NO SHIT.

BACK OFF OR...

BACK OFF, OR I START
THROWING OUT BODIES!

SOMEBODY GET ME THE BOOK!

IT'S GOT ALL THE ANSWERS.

TED, I NEED FOOD
AND COFFEE. ASAP.

RIGHT.

I NEED
THE BLUEPRINTS
FOR THIS STORE...

AND I NEED THEM
YESTERDAY.

YES, SIR.

DALE, GO DOWN TO
THE SURPLUS STORE

AND SEE WHAT
THEY'VE GOT IN
THE WAY OF TEAR GAS.

TEAR GAS?

COME ON.

BEAU?

YES, SIR.

CALL THE CHIEF
OF POLICE IN VEGAS--

HE'S AN OLD FISHING
BUDDY OF MINE--

TELL HIM WE NEED
TO BORROW A SWAT TEAM.

GOT IT.

AND WILL SOMEBODY
KINDLY FIND OUT

WHO'S WINNING
THE DAMN BALL GAME?!

"BEVERLY HILLS COP",
YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.

HOLD ON, MAN.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WE'RE BOTH MINORITIES.

JUST SHUT UP YOUR FACE.

THIS AIN'T EXACTLY
THE RAINBOW COALITION
OUT HERE, MAN.

THEY'RE GONNA
SHOOT US BOTH.
SHUT UP!

Officer: HE'S GOT A GUN.

YOU'RE THE SHERIFF?
OH, SHIT.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE TURNING
INTO ONE MAJOR PAIN IN
THE ASS FOR ME, SON.

WHAT THE HELL
DID YOU DO TO HIM?

I DIDN'T
DO NOTHING TO HIM.

THE HELL HE DIDN'T!

HE STRUCK OUT MY
BEST HITTER WITH TWO OUTS
AND THE BASES LOADED!

OH, NOW HE'S
YOUR BEST HITTER?

AI-YI-YI, YOU AIN'T
WORTH NOTHING AS
A HOSTAGE.

WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

I GOTTA GET IN LINE
TO SHOOT YOU.

WELL TAKE A NUMBER.

OK, LISTEN UP.

YOU GET THOSE HICKS
OVER HERE TO MOVE
THIS CRATE.

MAN, DON'T
CALL THEM HICKS.

WHILE YOU'RE IN THERE,

CHECK TO SEE HOW
MANY HOSTAGES HE'S GOT
AND HOW MANY GUNS.

READY?

ON THREE...ONE...

UH-OH!
NO WAY, COMPADRE.

YOU GUYS AIN'T
COMING IN HERE
WITH NO GUNS!

MAKE THEM TAKE
THOSE BELTS OFF.

ALL RIGHT, TAKE THEM OFF.

OK, NOW, EVERYBODY,
NO PANTS.

NO PANTS?

I DON'T WANT
NO SURPRISES.

THAT'S A SURPRISE.

NOBODY COMES IN HERE
WITH PANTS ON.

DO IT.

OH, NO SHIRTS, NEITHER.

DO IT.

OH, NO, NO!

SHERIFF, I GOTTA
GET OUTTA HERE, MAN!

LOOK, MY NAME
IS MIKE DAWSON.

MY GIRLFRIEND'S NAME
IS RAE SWANSON.

SHE WAS ON HER WAY
TO THE AIRPORT.

WAIT A MINUTE. MIKE DAWSON?
ARE YOU THAT BOXER?

NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S MIKE TYSON.

ARE YOU SURE? YOU LOOK
SOMETHING LIKE HIM.

WELL SINCE THEN
I LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT,
AND I'M A VEGETARIAN...

COME ON, MAN!

THAT'S MIKE TYSON?

COOL.
I THOUGHT HE WAS IN JAIL.

EXCUSE ME. CAN I SAY
SOMETHING, PLEASE?

HELLO, SHERIFF.

HELLO, MARY.

COULD YOU LET SONNY KNOW

THAT I MIGHT BE A LITTLE
LATE GETTING HOME TONIGHT?

YES, MA'AM.
WE'LL DO IT RIGHT AWAY.

GO TELL SONNY
WHAT'S GOING ON.

YOU KNOW WHERE
TO FIND HIM.

SORRY TO
BOTHER Y'ALL.

ANYBODY ELSE GOT
SOME MOVIES TO RETURN

OR SOMETHING REAL
IMPORTANT?

Sheriff: ALL RIGHT,
SON, JUST CALM DOWN.

COME ON!
BRING IT IN!

WATCH IT.
WATCH THE CURB.

WHOA!

YOU GOT
SOMEPLACE COLD?

THE FREEZER.

TAKE IT IN BACK.

SLOW DOWN. SLOW DOWN.

SWAT TEAM'S
ON ITS WAY, SHERIFF.

HEY, GRAB ME A DOVE BAR.

OK, GET A TWO-SHOT
OF THE SHERIFF AND ME,

AND I WANT TO USE
THE CARS AS A BACKDROP.

I THINK YOU'RE
GONNA WANT THIS.

OH, MAN! WE GOT
THE FRIGGIN'
TV NEWS, TOO?

HEY, I THOUGHT THAT THING
WAS ONLY HOOKED UP TO
THE SECURITY CAMERA.

WELL, I GOTTA KEEP UP
WITH GENERAL HOSPITAL.

YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD SHOW.

News Anchor:...CONVENIENCE
STORE IN NORTH BUTTE.

THE INFORMATION WE HAVE
IS STILL SKETCHY, BUT--
WAIT A MINUTE.

ONE OF THE SUSPECTS IS
APPROACHING THE DOOR,

POSSIBLY TO SURRENDER
TO THE POLICE.

[POP]

[GUNFIRE]

MARY!

Sheriff: HOLD YOUR FIRE!

Mike: I'VE BEEN HIT!

OH, THEY FRIGGIN'
SHOT HIM, MAN!

OH, MAN.

HOLD YOUR FIRE.

HOLD YOUR FIRE.

Mike: HOLD ME.

IT'S OK, MICHAEL.

I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH
A WHITE GIRL BEFORE.

IT'S OK. IT'S THE LAST
MINUTE. NOBODY'LL KNOW.

OH, IT'S OK.
IT REALLY DOESN'T
LOOK THAT BAD.

AY, DIOS MIO!
IT LOOKS BAD.

IT DOES, MY BROTHER?

YOU GOTTA GET THAT
SHIT CLEANED OUT, BRO'.

I KNOW I DO.

OK, HOW ABOUT SOME
ALCOHOL TO CLEAN IT?

JACK, WHAT THE HELL'S
GOING ON IN THERE?

YOU GOT ANY CASUALTIES?

[CRIES]

YOU NEED A DOCTOR IN THERE?

Rodrigo: BE STRONG.
IT LOOKS REAL BAD NOW.

I KNOW IT DOES!

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES
WARRIORS GET NICKED
IN THE HEAT OF BATTLE.

CARRY ON, MY
CAUCASOIDIAN BROTHER.

Kid: SOME WARRIOR.

PEACE, BE STILL.

OK, MAYBE I SHOULD
GET SOME ICE.

I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS.

ICING THE AREA COULD
DAMAGE THE OPTIC NERVE

IF THERE'S A FLUID BUILDUP
IN THE OCULAR CAVITY.

MY CAVITIES ARE FILLED.

Mary: OK, WELL, THEN
WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

FIRST WE'VE GOT TO DETERMINE
IF THE EYE IS DISLOCATED

OR IF IT'S MERELY
PROTRUDING FROM THE SOCKET.

THAT MIGHT BE HARD.

HE ALWAYS LOOKED
A LITTLE COCKEYED TO ME.

YOU GOT A STERILE CLOTH?

HOW STERILE?

OK, WHO'S GOT
STEADY HANDS?

LET ME.

Mike: WAIT A MINUTE.

I'VE SEEN THIS.
I'VE BEEN TO JAIL.

I KNOW WHAT Y'ALL
ARE TRYING TO DO.

I THINK I FEEL
SOME PEEWEE ACTION.

FORCEPS.

DO GOOD.

[YELPING]

OH, MY GOD!

A HUNK OF GLASS?

[SNAPS]

A DORITO.

BARBECUE
OR COOL RANCH?

COOL RANCH.

WHAT KIND OF GUN SHOOTS...

[BELL DINGS]

ACCORDING TO POLICE SOURCES,

MIKE TYSON--THAT'S RIGHT,

THE FORMER BOXING
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION--

IS AT THIS MOMENT ENGAGED
IN THE FIGHT OF HIS LIFE

INSIDE THIS CONVENIENCE STORE.

TYSON IN BELIEVED TO BE ONE
OF THE HOSTAGES INJURED...

WHAT CAN I
GET YOU, HONEY?

UM...JUST A CUP
OF COFFEE, PLEASE.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU COULD
USE SOMETHING STRONGER

THAN A CUP OF COFFEE.

OH, NO. I DON'T DRINK
HARD LIQUOR.

ALL RIGHT. LET ME GUESS.

HE DUMPED YOU
FOR SOME YOUNG THING

WITH A LOOSE TOP
AND A TIGHT BOTTOM.

NO, ACTUALLY IT WAS A CAR.

SOUNDS LIKE
MY SECOND HUSBAND.

OH, HE HAD
A THING FOR CARS?

NO, HE HAD A THING
FOR PRISON MOVIES
AND YOUNG BOYS.

HURT JUST THE SAME.

SHERIFF! SHERIFF,
EMERGENCY CALL.

YEAH?

YOU'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO SPEAK UP!

TELL JEREMY TO KEEP
HIS PITCHES LOW.

JOHNSON IS A SUCKER
FOR A LOW BALL.

HOWARD? ALICE?
WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU TWO DOING HERE?

I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'VE
GOT MIKE TYSON IN THERE.

I'D LIKE TO TELL HIM
THAT I LOST A BUNDLE
ON THAT DOUGLAS FIGHT.

YEAH.

WHEN YOU PULLING
A POTATO CHIP OUT
OF YOUR ASS...

IT JUST PUTS EVERYTHING
IN PERSPECTIVE.

THE MOCCAI INDIANS OF PERU

BELIEVED THAT
A NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE

CLEANSES THE SPIRIT
AND IMPARTS WORLDLY WISDOM

OTHERWISE GAINED ONLY
THROUGH VAST YEARS OF
INTENSIVE STRUGGLE.

OF COURSE,
THEY ALSO EAT BUGS
AND SACRIFICE VIRGINS.

EVER EATEN A BUG?

I HAD A BUG-EYED VIRGIN.

[BEAUTIFUL DREAMER PLAYING]

JACK, JACK, COME ON!

DO YOU MIND PLAYING
SOMETHING ELSE, MAN?

[BEAUTIFUL DREAMER CONTINUES]

I THINK I GOT IT,
SHERIFF.

WELL, LET'S GIVE IT
TO HIM.

WAIT, I THINK THIS IS IT.

HEY!

WE GONNA DO THIS TODAY?

Jack: THERE GO THE DOVE BARS.

YEAH!
[CHEERING]

WELL, WHAT NOW,
SHERIFF?

WE WAIT.

Alice: YOU'D THINK
THAT CUTTING THE POWER

WOULD HAVE A LITTLE
MORE EFFECT AT NIGHT.

Howard: THAT'S TRUE.

WHERE THE HELL
IS MY SWAT TEAM?

WHERE THE HELL
IS NORTH BUTTE?

[BEAUTIFUL DREAMER PLAYING]

BIG J, J-MONEY,
DO YOU MIND?

I MEAN, DO YOU KNOW
SOME OTHER SONGS?

Jack: I KNOW PLENTY.

THANKS.

I LIKE ONE.

[RESUMES BEAUTIFUL DREAMER]

* REASONS,
THE REASONS THAT WE HEAR *

* THE REASONS THAT WE FEAR

* OUR FEELINGS WON'T
DISAPPEAR, OH *

COME ON, JACK, GO WITH ME!

* AND AFTER THE LOVE GAMES
HAVE BEEN PLAYED *

* ALL OUR ILLUSIONS
WERE JUST A PARADE *

* AND ALL OUR REASONS
START TO FADE *

* REASONS

* THE REASONS THAT WE HEAR

* THE REASONS THAT WE FEAR

* OUR FEELINGS WON'T DISAPPEAR

* OH-HH...

[GUNFIRE]

YOU WANT MUSIC?
GO TO CHURCH.

Officer: I GOT A TAPE
RIGHT HERE, SHERIFF.

[MUSIC PLAYS]

WHAT'S ON
THE LIST, BEAU?

WELL, IT SAYS HERE
THE NEXT STEP IS
TO NEGOTIATE.

WE ARE READY TO LISTEN
TO YOUR DEMANDS.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Rodrigo: BETE, GRINGO!

WHAT THE HELL
DID HE SAY?

MAYBE YOU COULD HEAR HIM

IF YOU HADN'T
CUT OFF THE POWER.

THAT WAS PRETTY
STUPID, SHERIFF.

I MEAN,
HOW'RE WE SUPPOSED
TO TALK TO HIM NOW?

OOH! [LAUGHING]

Y'ALL...CLUTE'S COMING...

AND HE AIN'T
WEARING NO PANTS.

Sheriff: YOU IN THERE.

I'M SENDING IN
ONE OF OUR BULLHORNS

TO REESTABLISH COMMUNICATION.

REMEMBER,
IT'S GOVERNMENT PROPERTY

AND YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE
FOR ITS SAFE RETURN.

[KNOCKING]

YOU JUST PRESS
THE BUTTON--

I KNOW HOW TO USE
THE FRIGGIN' THING,
ALL RIGHT?

HEY!

DAMN!

GET YOUR ASS
BACK THERE. GO!

Rodrigo: [SPEAKING SPANISH]

THAT KID'S LUCKY I DIDN'T
EXECUTE HIS DUMB ASS.

NEXT TIME, I AIN'T
GONNA BE SO GENEROUS.

YOU WANT TO SHOOT
AT SOMEBODY, HUH?

Rodrigo: MICHAEL,
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

MICHAEL, GET BACK HERE!

YOU'RE NOT
GONNA SHOOT ME, MAN.

I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR EYES.

MICHAEL!

[GUNFIRE]

YOU GOT LYIN' EYES.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
SHOOTING AT IN THERE?

YOU WANT TO BE
A TERRORIST, HUH?

WELL YOU GOT
YOUR CHANCE. COME ON.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WE'RE ABOUT
TO NEGOTIATE. COME ON!

OK, BUT YOU TALK
TO HIM.

SHERIFF...

LOOK, I'M SICK
OF THIS, MAN!

I'VE BEEN ROBBED,
KIDNAPPED, SHOT AT...

I COULD'VE STAYED
IN CHICAGO FOR THIS SHIT!

AND ALL YOUR TRIGGER-HAPPY
"BOSS HOGG" ASS CAN DO

IS TURN OFF
THE AIR CONDITIONING.

I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, TYSON?

OK, HE'LL RELEASE
ALL OF THE HOSTAGES

IF YOU'LL PROVIDE
TRANSPORTATION

TO THE LAS VEGAS AIRPORT
BY 6:00.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

LOOK, YOU NEED TO
GET TO MEXICO, RIGHT?

I NEED TO GET TO RAE.

OK, LISTEN UP.

SOMEBODY IS GOING
WITH ME.

SOMEBODY BESIDE HIM.

[LAUGHING]

LISTEN, HE NEEDS TO GET
TWO PLANE TICKETS

AND WE NEED TO GET
TRANSPORTATION TO
THE VEGAS AIRPORT BY 6:00,

AND IF HE DON'T GET
ALL OF THAT...

IF HE DON'T GET
HIS DEMANDS MET, THEN...

YOU DIE.

THEN WE ALL DIE.

YEAH, EVERYBODY DIES!

6:00, AND I TAKE THIS
AND...BOOM!

BRAINS EVERYWHERE!

I'M SERIOUS.

Mike: THEY KNOW
YOU'RE SERIOUS.

BLOOD AND GUTS.

BLOOD AND GUTS.
SERIOUS SHIT!

HE'S JUST HOT.
IT'S HOT. IT'S REAL HOT.

FIND OUT HOW MUCH
ALL THIS IS GONNA COST.

SHERIFF.

THIS IS OUR FIRST
TRIP TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW WHAT
I DIDN'T REALIZE?

I DIDN'T REALIZE
THAT SHE HAD NEVER BEEN
ON A PLANE BEFORE.

SO I SAT THERE
WITH HER AND I SAID,

"LOOK, ORDER
WHATEVER YOU WANT."

SHE LOOKS UP
AND SEES THE FLIGHT
ATTENDANT BUTTON

WITH THE LITTLE SPEAKER
BY IT, SO SHE GOES,

BEEP. "COULD I GET
A DIET COKE?" RIGHT?

SO EVERYBODY STARTS
LAUGHING, YOU KNOW,

BUT I'M LIKE,
"HEY, DON'T LET HER
OFF THE HOOK."

SO SHE SITS THERE
A LITTLE LONGER

AND THE DIET COKE
AIN'T CAME,

SO SHE GOES,
"OH, THESE PEOPLE."

BEEP. "I SAID COULD
I GET A DIET COKE,
PLEASE?"

AND IT WAS
JUST HILARIOUS, MAN.

SHE WAS
JUST SO INNOCENT.

WHY WERE THEY LAUGHING?

I'M NOT EVEN
WASTING MY TIME.

THAT'S MY LITTLE RAE, MAN.
LITTLE RAE OF SUNSHINE.

THAT'S REALLY PRETTY.
WHERE IS THAT?

IT'S MEXICO.

YEAH,
IT'S TOPOLOBAMPO.

DAMN, BROTHER.
YOU'RE A TRAVELING MAN.

NO, I WAS BORN THERE.

HOW DO YOU SAY IT?

TO-PO-LO-BAMPO.

Jack: NEVER HEARD OF IT.

Biker: IT'S A SMALL PORT
CITY 20 MILES SOUTH
OF LOS MOCHIS.

IT'S KNOWN FOR ITS TEMPERATE
CLIMATE AND GUAVA BEAN EXPORTS.

OH, REALLY?

YEAH.

OH...SEE RIGHT HERE?

WE'D BE SEEING
EACH OTHER FOR
A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

WE HADN'T EVEN KNOWN
EACH OTHER THAT LONG,
YOU KNOW.

OH-HH...

I'M TELLING YOU,
GLORIA, WE WERE LIKE...

WE WERE LIKE
THE PERFECT FIT.

THE FIRST NIGHT WE WERE
TOGETHER, MAN...

OH, MAN. HUMPTY DUMPTY
SAT ON THE WALL.

WE COULD JUST TALK FOR HOURS
AND HOURS ABOUT EVERYTHING.

SHE WOULD TALK FOR HOURS
ABOUT NOTHING,

BUT I DIDN'T MIND
LISTENING.

Sheriff: HELLO IN THERE...

WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A LITTLE
BIT OF A PROBLEM OUT HERE.

MICHAEL, COME ON.

UH...WHAT PROBLEM?

WELL, WHAT WITH
THE COST OF PUTTING UP
THE NEW SCOREBOARD

AND FISCAL CUTBACKS,

THE MAYOR SAYS
THERE'S NO WAY THAT
WE CAN CHARTER A PLANE.

WE CAN SEND YOU
ON A BUS, THOUGH.

IT GOES DOWN THROUGH
NOGALES AND YUMA.

IT'S A LOT OF PRETTY
SCENERY DOWN THERE.

Biker: HOW ABOUT
FIRST CLASS SEATS?

Sheriff: IT'S A DAMN BUS!

I GUESS WE COULD PUT YOU
CLOSER TO THE CRAPPER,
OR SOMETHING.

Bike: WHAT
ABOUT DINNER?

UH...IS THERE A MEAL?

WE GOT A BROCHURE HERE,
SHERIFF.

"A DELICIOUS PORTION
OF MESQUITE-ROASTED
LONGHORN STEAKS,

SMOTHERED IN A COLORFUL
VEGETABLE MELODY,

BAKED POTATO OR RICE PILAF--"

BOY, THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

OK, I'LL GO.

THAT'S COOL.

Sheriff: OK, TYSON,
YOU GOT A DEAL.

WE GOT A DEAL.

AGREED.

HEY--WAIT...

WAIT. ONE MORE THING.

I NEED A DOZEN ROSES, NO--
MAKE THAT TWO DOZEN ROSES

SENT TO THE VEGAS
AIRPORT RIGHT NOW.

FIND OUT HOW MUCH
THAT'S GONNA COST.

SO WHY COME
IN HERE AND ROB
A CONVENIENCE STORE?

THERE AIN'T
NO MONEY IN THAT.

WHY DON'T YOU GO
TO, LIKE, A BANK,

OR SOMETHING
MORE LUCRATIVE?

OH YEAH. LIKE I'M
VERY GOOD AT THIS SHIT.

YOU COULD HAVE
FOOLED ME.

YOU COME IN HERE,
YOU'RE WAVING YOUR
GUN, AND SHIT.

"BILLY BAD-ASS."
"OK, NOBODY MOOOVE!"

I THOUGHT YOU WAS
DOIN' IT.

REALLY?

YEAH.

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME.

NO! GET OUT.

YOU STUD--MAN,
YOU ON YOUR WAY.

HOW MUCH DOES THIS
TEAR GAS COST?

IT'S SORT OF FREE.

WHEW.

GOOD JOB, DALE.

SHERIFF,
DALE'S BACK.

GET ANY TEAR GAS?

WELL...SORTA.

SORTA?

CLUTE,
GOOD BUDDY,

I GOT AN IMPORTANT
JOB FOR YA.

ME AND YOU, BABY.
DREAM TEAM.

WHAT THE HELL DOES
THAT MEAN? SORTA?

THAT'S A NICE GUN,
DALE.

LOOKS MIGHTY POWERFUL.

SHERIFF'S ORDERS.

Sheriff on Radio:
CLUTE, HOW'S IT COMING?

WHAT'S THAT, SHERIFF?

Sheriff: WHAT IS YOUR STATUS?

THE FUSE IS LIT.

I REPEAT, THE FUSE
HAS BEEN LIT.

HOW LONG IS THIS
GONNA TAKE?

WELL, I REALLY
HAVE NO IDEA.

WHERE THE HELL
IS MY SWAT TEAM?

Driver: WHO ORDERED
THE BURRITO WITH EXTRA CHEESE?

Mike: WHAT'S YOUR DAY JOB?

I MEAN, WHAT DID YOU DO
BEFORE THIS?

MIGRANT WORK.

WHAT?

MIGRANT WORK.

MIGRANT WORK.
REALLY?

NO, I'M PRESIDENT
OF DISNEYLAND.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

THINGS WEREN'T GOING
THAT WELL IN MEXICO,

SO...ME AND MY OLD MAN
COME OVER HERE,

HOOKED UP
WITH A COUPLE OF
HARVESTING COMPANIES.

BENT OVER 10 HOURS
A DAY FOR $2 AN HOUR.

YOU JUST WORK, AND WORK...
AND WORK AND WORK.

AND THEN, YOU DIE.

WOW...WOW...
YOU'RE RIGHT.

WHAT DID YOU PICK?

SQUASH...

BEETS...

Mike: BEETS?

STRAWBERRIES.

STRAWBERRIES.

MELONS.

OH, YEAH...MELONS.

I'M WAY
AHEAD OF YOU.

WHAT?

Man: GET OUT, GO.
FIRE HIT YOUR BACK. COME ON.

Cop: GET INSIDE,
CIVILIAN. GO.

Civilian:
AYE-AYE, SIR.

IT'S ABOUT GOOD
GODDAMN TIME!

SHERIFF PEMBRY.
YOU ORDER'S MY
ORDER, SIR.

GIVE HIM WHAT
HE NEEDS, BEAU.

WHAT DO YOU NEED?

SONNY!

Rodrigo: HEY, MARY,
MARY. NO, NO, NO, NO.

NO, DON'T DO ANYTHING
STUPID, PLEASE.

[RADIO PLAYING LOUD ROCK MUSIC]

HI, SONNY.

Pembry: GOT A LITTLE
BIT OF A SITUATION
HERE, SONNY.

SO, MAKE
IT SHORT, OK?

ALL RIGHT.

Sonny: HOW YOU DOING, MARY?

IS HE TREATING
YOU ALL RIGHT?

HE'S TREATING
ME FINE.

WHERE WERE
YOU, SONNY?

I--I CAME RIGHT OVER
SOON AS CLUTE TOLD ME.

BUT CLUTE GOT BACK
A LONG TIME AGO.

NOW, MARY,
I RUSHED RIGHT OVER.

AIN'T THAT RIGHT, CLUTE?

Clute: HE SURE DID, MARY.

HEY, CLUTE,
WHERE WAS SONNY
WHEN YOU FOUND HIM?

NOW YOU JUST WAIT
JUST A SECOND,
DARLING', OK?

I KNOW WHERE
YOU WERE, SONNY.

WHAT, YOU THINK
I'M THE ONLY PERSON

IN THE WHOLE DAMN
TOWN WHO DON'T KNOW?

SHH. TURN THAT DOWN.

[TURNS OFF RADIO]

SWEETIE, THIS IS
ALL A LITTLE PRIVATE,
DON'T YOU THINK?

DON'T YOU EVEN WHAT
TO KNOW WHY I MAKE
YOU WEAR THEM RUBBERS

EVEN THOUGH I'M
ON THE PILL, HUH?

YOU SAID YOU WANTED
TO KEEP THE REAL FEELING

SPECIAL FOR OUR WEDDING.

OH, GROW UP, SONNY.

I DID IT BECAUSE I KNOW
THAT YOU'RE SCREWING
PAMELA RIDGEWAY,

AND I DIDN'T WANT
TO CATCH SOMETHING.

NOW, MARY,
YOU JUST SHUT UP--

HEY! HEY, DON'T TALK
TO HER LIKE THAT.

HEY, THIS AIN'T
YOUR FIGHT, BOY.

HEY, DON'T YOU
YELL AT HIM.

I'M SORRY.

YOU KNOW
WHAT, SONNY?

I'M GOING TO MEXICO.

BYE.

I THINK YOU'D
BETTER LEAVE, SONNY.

MAYBE YOU WANT
THIS BACK.

MAN...

YOU KNOW WHAT
SONNY TOLD ME?

HE PAID $700
FOR THIS THING.

I FOUND THE RECEIPT
AND IT WAS LIKE 40 BUCKS

ON ONE OF THOSE
TELEVISION SHOPPING
CHANNELS, YOU KNOW.

DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY OF
THOSE TELEVISION SHOPPING
CHANNELS IN MEXICO?

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE
ANYTHING TO WEAR.

WHERE I LIVE?
YEAH.

WE DON'T
HAVE NO TV.

OH.

AH, BUT MY
GRANDPARENTS HAVE.

DO YOU GUYS GET
GENERAL HOSPITAL?

BECAUSE I LOVE
GENERAL HOSPITAL.

WE HAVE AN
ANIMAL HOSPITAL.

DO YOU NEED ONE?

WAITING ON
YOUR ORDERS, SIR.
WE'RE IN POSITION.

SHERIFF, LOOKS LIKE
THE TEAM'S HERE.

[CROWD CHEERING]
WHAT IS GOING ON?

JUST WAITING FOR
YOUR ORDER, SIR.

WE WON! YES, WE WON.

Pembry: WE'RE GOING
TO THE NATIONALS.

[PEMBRY CHEERING OVER RADIO]

I'M NOT READING YOU
TOO CLEARLY, SIR.

SIR, SHOULD
I TAKE THAT SHOT?

ARGGHH!

[GUNFIRE]

EVERYBODY BACK IN
THE BUS. STAY IN THERE.

DROP THE GUNS.
OPEN THE DOOR.

YOU DROP THE GUNS OR
I BLOW HIS HEAD OFF.

WHAT THE HELL'S GOING
ON IN THERE, CAPTAIN?

SOUNDED LIKE
GUADALCANAL.

SHERIFF, WE GOT
ANOTHER PROBLEM.

OH, JUST ONE.

THINGS ARE LOOKING UP.

YOU KNOW LOLA GLASPIE?

YEAH,
THE TOWN TREASURER.
WHAT ABOUT HER?

WELL, REMEMBER LAST YEAR
THERE WAS A BIG DEAL

ABOUT HER WINNING
A TRIP TO FRANCE.

WELL, SHE DIDN'T
EXACTLY WIN THE TRIP.

THEY GOT HER DOWN AT
THE MAYOR'S OFFICE NOW
CONFESSING UP A STORM.

HOW MUCH WE GOT?

WELL, WE DON'T HAVE
ENOUGH FOR THE CHARTER
AND TWO DOZEN ROSES.

GIVE IT TO ME
STRAIGHT, BEAU.

WELL, WE CAN RENT
A TOUR BUS FOR
ABOUT AN HOUR.

WHAT ABOUT
THE FLOWERS?

WELL, THERE WAS
FUNERAL DOWN IN VEGAS.

AND THEY GOT
AN F.T.D. PICK-ME-UP
BOUQUET LEFT OVER,

AND THEY SAID WE COULD
HAVE IT FOR HALF-PRICE.

GUESS THAT'LL
HAVE TO DO.

I TOLD YOU KIDS TO
GET DOWN IN THERE.

GET THEM KIDS DOWN.

GET DOWN, GET DOWN.

Rodrigo: SHERIFF!

GET DOWN, YOU
PIECE OF SHIT.

I BEEN STRAIGHT
WITH YOU.

I DIDN'T HURT
NOBODY IN THERE.

AND YOU SEND
THIS ASSHOLE
TO MESS WITH ME?

JUST TAKE IT EASY,
WE'VE MADE A MISTAKE.

YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT
YOU MADE A MISTAKE.

GET BACK
INSIDE, MICHAEL.

HOLD ON. WHAT ARE
YOU COMING AT HIM
LIKE THIS FOR?

YOU GONNA MESS AROUND
AND GET EVERYBODY
IN HERE KILLED.

THE BUS IS ON
ITS WAY RIGHT NOW.

GET THE HELL
OUT OF HERE.

JUST TAKE IT EASY, SON.

I AIN'T YOUR
FRIGGIN' SON.

THERE'S A BODY
IN THERE, SIR.

THIS IS
GETTING GOOD.

Michael: LET IT GO,
COME ON. LET IT GO.

Michael: WHAT THE HELL?

GET AWAY FROM HIM.

GET THE HELL
AWAY FROM HIM.

MARY...

HON.

HE'S NOT COMING.

NOW, TRUST ME HONEY,
THEY ALWAYS COME.

Man: EXCUSE ME

I'M LOOKING FOR
SOMEONE NAMED RACHEL

WHO'S FLYING TO CHICAGO.

THAT'S ME.

HOW PRETTY.
WHO ARE THEY FROM?

THERE'S A CARD.

LET ME SEE.
WHAT'S IT SAY,
LET ME SEE.

"OUR DEEPEST
SYMPATHY ON THE LOSS
OF YOUR LOVED ONE.

MIKE TYSON."

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

ANSWER THE PHONE.

HELLO.

Mary:
UM, YES HE IS.

IT'S FOR YOU.

IS IT RAE?

UM-HMM.
IT'S YOUR FATHER.

MY FATHER?
UM-HMM.

GIRL, MY FATHER
IS DEAD.

HELLO.

Beau: DEPUTY BEAUMONT.

OH, DAD. HEY, DADDY.

GIRL, WHEN YOU SAID
"FATHER", I THOUGHT
YOU MEANT MY PRIEST.

YEAH, MY PRIEST
IS DEAD.

GOD BLESS HIM.

YEAH.

Beau: I KNOW YOU CAN'T
TALK FREELY IN THERE.

WHEN I ASK
YOU A QUESTION,
I WANT YOU TO SAY,

"THE WEATHER IS FINE"
IF THE ANSWER'S YES.

IF THE ANSWER'S NO,
I WANT YOU TO SAY,
"IT LOOKS LIKE RAIN."

YOU UNDERSTAND?

UM-HMM. OH,
YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT,
AS A MATTER OF FACT,

THE SUN JUST
POPPED OUT.

Beau: OK,
HERE'S THE DEAL.

WE WANT YOU TO HELP
US TAKE HIM DOWN.

YOU WILLING
TO PLAY BALL?

UH, ACTUALLY
IT'S STARTING
TO LOOK LIKE RAIN.

NOW YOU DO YOUR PART,

AND WE'LL MAKE
SURE THAT PLANE
STAYS ON THE GROUND.

WE GOT A DEAL?

THE WEATHER IS NICE.

Beau: OK, HERE'S
WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.

YOU GET HIM TO RELEASE
EVERYBODY ELSE.

AND THEN I WANT YOU
TO WALK OUT THERE WITH HIM.

NOW, YOU KEEP YOUR
EYES ON THE SHERIFF,

BECAUSE HE'S GOING
TO ASK YOU SWING AWAY.

HAND ACROSS THE HAT,
THEN ACROSS THE CHEST

AND THEN WHEN YOU SEE
HIM DO THAT, I WANT
YOU TO HIT THE DIRT.

AND WE'LL TAKE
CARE OF THE REST.

YOU GOT THAT?

OK. WELL, OK,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
DAD, I'LL HOLLER.

ALL RIGHT,
OK, BYE BYE.

YEAH, THAT'S MY DAD.

HE'S AN OLD
RETIRED WEATHERMAN.

OH.

I WANT YOU TO TAKE
HIM OUT WITH THE FIRST
SHOT, BEAU.

LET'S GET THOSE
KIDS OUT OF HERE.

YES, SIR.

WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED.

Pembry: HELLO IN THERE.

WE GOT THE BUS OUT HERE.

IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO LIVE UP
TO YOUR END OF THE DEAL.

LET'S DO IT.

LET'S CLEAR THESE
CIVILIANS OUT OF HERE.

YES, SIR.

ALL RIGHT, FOLKS,
I NEED YOU ALL
TO MOVE BACK.

GO.

Beau: LET'S MOVE
BACK BEHIND THE CARS.

FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.
COME ON, MOVE IT,
LET'S GO.

WHAT'S GOING ON, ELI?

JUST A
PRECAUTIONARY
MEASURE.

YOU WANT US TO MOVE?

OH, NO. YOU FINE
RIGHT THERE.

CLARENCE, THAT'S ONE
YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR.

THIS IS YOURS.

THANKS.

Jack: FOR GOD'S SAKE,
SIMMS, GET THAT--

IT'S 116 IN THE SHADE.

Rodrigo: WAIT, WAIT.

NO GUNS.

Pembry: ALL RIGHT,
LET'S PUT THEM DOWN.

LET'S GO.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, MARY.

IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

ARE YOU OK?

NO, SHE'S NOT OK.

SHE DON'T LIKE BEING
AROUND A KILLER.

I DIDN'T KILL ANYBODY.

THEN WHAT ABOUT
THE DEAD BODY IN
THE CRATE.

WHAT ABOUT THE WHAT?

THE BODY.

THE BODY IN THE CRATE.

IT'S MY FATHER.

I'M TRYING TO TAKE
HIM BACK TO MEXICO.

DON'T STOP MOVING,
DON'T STOP MOVING.

AH!
Rodrigo: MARY!

DROP YOUR WEAPON!
DROP IT.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

DROP THAT GUN
OR I'LL FIRE.

I JUST WANT TO GO
BACK TO MEXICO.

DROP IT NOW.

OH, NO. WAIT
A MINUTE, SHERIFF.

MOVE OUT OF
THE WAY, TYSON.

SHERIFF, HE'S
NOT A KILLER.

Pembry: IF YOU
WANT US TO HOLD
THAT DAMN PLANE,

YOU WILL MOVE
YOUR ASS OUT OF
THE WAY RIGHT NOW.

WHAT'S GOING
ON, MICHAEL?

MAN, THEY TRIED TO GET
ME TO SET YOU UP.

YOU DID A PRETTY
GOOD JOB.

LEAVE HIM ALONE.

AW, HELL.

MARY, YOU DROP THAT WEAPON
AND BACK AWAY FROM HIM.

HE'S GOT A DEAD
BODY IN THERE.

I KNOW. IT'S HIS
FATHER AND HE'S TRYING
TO TAKE HIM HOME.

WELL, THAT DON'T
SEEM TO MAKE A BIG
DIFFERENCE.

HE'S UNDER
ARREST ANYWAY.

Michael: AW,
COME ON SHERIFF.
FOR WHAT CHARGE?

WELL, FOR ATTEMPTED
MURDER FOR THAT SHOT
HE TOOK AT YOU.

ATTEMPT--WELL, LOOK,
IF YOU CHARGE HIM WITH
ATTEMPTED MURDER,

THEN YOU GOT TO CHARGE HIM
WITH ATTEMPTED MURDER, TOO,

WITH HIS BARNEY FIFE ASS.

ALL RIGHT, MEN, PUT
AWAY YOUR WEAPONS.

WHAT IS IT
YOU WANT, TYSON?

I WANT WHAT YOU PROMISED.

FIRST OF ALL, I NEED
TO GET THIS DUDE TO MEXICO

SO HE CAN TAKE CARE
OF HIS FATHER.

WE CAN'T DO THAT.

WE DON'T HAVE
ENOUGH MONEY.

WHAT? YOU DON'T
HAVE ENOUGH MONEY?

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

LOOK AT ALL THESE
TAXPAYING CITIZENS
AROUND HERE.

YOU GOT SOME
MONEY IN HERE

COME ON, DON'T
BULLSHIT ME.

TOWN'S BROKE.

Man: WE ARE NOT.

Michael: 50.

OH, COME ON, TYSON,
DON'T DO THIS.

THAT'S 50.

THAT'S A START.

ANYBODY ELSE? HUH?

YOU DA MAN.

GIVE ME SOME.

THERE WE GO.

ANYBODY ELSE?

I'VE GOT 50.

WELL, THIS HAS BEEN
ABOUT AS GOOD AS GOING
TO A MATINEE.

THERE WE GO. THANK
YOU, MR. BOJANGLES.

THIS DEFINITELY
QUALIFIES AS MY
RAINY DAY.

MR. JACK HAD THE
MONEY IN HIS SHOE.

LOOK OUT,
NOW EVERYBODY,
PLEASE, QUICKLY.

THANK YOU, PEOPLE.
COME, CHILDREN.

OH, LOOK AT THESE
HAPPY, GIVING FACES.

COME ON DOWN, COME
HITHER, FEEL THE LOVE.

YES, I'M LIKING THAT.

SHERIFF, ALL I NEED
IS ONE MORE FAVOR.

I NEED TO GET A RIDE
TO THAT AIRPORT.

WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD.

WE DIDN'T HOLD THE PLANE.

SO YOU JUST
STRAIGHT UP LIED.

IT'S IN THE BOOK.

Announcer: FLIGHT 664
TO CHICAGO NOW BOARDING...

IS THAT YOU?

YEAH.

HE'S NOT COMING.

I'M SORRY, HONEY.

YEAH, THAT'S OK.

THANKS, GLORIA.

BYE BYE, BABY.
OH, HERE NOW, DON'T
FORGET YOUR FLOWERS.

HERE YOU GO.
THANKS.

I'LL SEE YOU.

BYE BYE.
BYE.

GRACIAS A TODOS.

I THINK
I OWE YOU ONE.

HEY, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT IT, MAN.

HEY, I'M REALLY
SORRY ABOUT YOUR
GIRLFRIEND AND ALL.

SHE PROBABLY WOULDN'T
TAKE ME BACK RIGHT
NOW ANYWAY.

THEN SHE'D
BE A FOOL.

YOU THINK?
UM-HMM.

OH, A LITTLE LOVE.
WATCH THIS ONE, WATCH HER.

SHH.

OK, IF YOU'RE
EVER IN MEXICO--

WELL, IF YOU'RE EVER
IN CHICAGO ROBBING
A CONVENIENCE STORE,

I HOPE THEY POP
A CAP IN YOUR ASS.

Clarence:
MICHAEL.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I'VE JUST HAD ONE HELL
OF AN UNLUCKY DAY, MAN.

ONCE UPON A TIME,
THERE WAS A WISE WARRIOR

IN A TRIBE
WHO FOUND A HORSE.

AND EVERYBODY SAID
WHAT A LUCKY MAN HE WAS.

THEN ONE DAY
THE HORSE THREW HIM
AND HE BROKE HIS LEG

AND EVERYONE SAID
WHAT AN UNLUCKY MAN
HE WAS.

THEN THERE WAS
A GREAT BATTLE.

ALL THE YOUNG MEN DIED
EXCEPT THE WISE WARRIOR

WHO COULDN'T GO BECAUSE
HE HAD A BROKEN LEG.

DEEP.

DEEP AS USUAL,
STRANGE AS HELL.

BUT DEEP.

GET ON OUT OF HERE, MAN.

HEY, MICHAEL.
YEAH.

DID I MENTION
I KNEW A GIRL IN
TOPOLOBAMPO ONCE?

YEE-HAW!

SORRY ABOUT
YOUR STORE, JACK.

THANKS, MICHAEL.

PLEASE COME AGAIN.

HEY--I...

Michael: HEY, WAIT UP!

Jack: THAT'S JOSE'S PLANE.

ALL RIGHT!

HEY, MICHAEL, THIS MAY BE
YOUR LUCKY DAY AFTER ALL.

Michael: MAYBE I CAN
MAKE IT STILL.

WOW.

Michael: GRAPEFRUIT
LADY, YOU'RE MY RIDE.

WE ONLY GOT 10 MINUTES.

YEAH, WE CAN
STILL MAKE IT.

ARE YOU SURE?

YEAH. IT'S JUST
A SHORT FLIGHT
OVER THE CANYON.

A CONDOM WITH GLASSES.
ALL RIGHT.

WAIT. YOU GOT
THE 35 BUCKS?

AT LEAST "HALF-AY".

35. COME ON, PLEASE.

THIS CANNOT BE
HAPPENING TO ME.

CONSIDER THAT
A LOAN, TYSON.

HAVE A NICE TRIP.

THANKS, MAN.

I'M A LITTLE SENSITIVE
ABOUT MY MONEY.

SI, SI.

GET ME THERE.

Michael: DAMN!

HOW LONG YOU'VE
HAD YOUR LICENSE?

Pilot: WHAT IS THIS
LICENSE? [LAUGHS]

IT'S KIND OF SHAKY, HUH?

AH, THIS IS OK.
GO, WE NEED TO GO!

¡AMORES ADELANTE!

Announcer: THIS IS
THE DEPARTURE OF ALTA AIR
FLIGHT 664 TO CHICAGO

IS READY FOR FINAL BOARDING.

ALL CONFIRMED PASSENGERS SHOULD
BE ON BOARD THE AIRCRAFT.

HEY! THAT'S MY CAR.

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY RIDE?

KEEP IT, YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE.

Woman: DID YOU SEE
THE EXCITEMENT ON
THE TV TODAY?

IT WAS LIKE COPS
WITHOUT THE COMMERCIALS.

YOU'RE NOT KIDDING.

EARL AND I WERE
GLUED TO THE SET.

WHEN THEY CAME OUT OF
THERE IN THEIR UNDERWEAR,
I HAD TO TAKE A PILL.

BUT HOW THEY COULD
MISTAKE THAT SKINNY GUY

FOR MIKE TYSON,
I'LL NEVER KNOW.

Pilot: YOU GIVE ME THE OTHER
HALF RIGHT NOW, OK?

OK?

Michael: AARGH!

RAE! RAE!

HAS ANYONE SEEN
A BLACK LADY?

Man on TV: NORTH BUTTE
SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT,

SHOWN HERE BOMBARDING
THE CONVENIENCE STORE,
ISSUED AN APOLOGY.

Rae: HEY, TYSON!

RAE? GIRL!

OH, HONEY.

OH, YOU WAITED FOR ME.

OH, I KNEW YOU'D BE LATE;
ARE YOU EVER ON TIME?

OH, LET'S GO HOME.

OH, HONEY.

COULD I GET
A DIET COKE, PLEASE?

HELLO? COULD I GET
A DIET COKE, PLEASE?

DON'T MAKE ME GO
FOR THE DING-A-LING.

DON'T MAKE THE
DING-A-LING GO FOR YOU.

[PEOPLE YELLING]

WHAT IN THE HELL?

OK! NOBODY MOVE!

MICHAEL.
MICHAEL.

HEY HEY!
HEY HEY!

**

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
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