All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls - S06E19 - I Get A Sidekick Out of You.eng

Very good. Not too spicy.

I pack it very tightly.
It strangles the spice.

Well, it's perfect. And we're
doing very good on time.

At 4:00, we move
on to dumplings!

I'm going to open
another window.

Boy, there's a lot of
activity down here.

It's going very well. Your Aunt
June is a wizard with the kimchi.

-Well, is there anything I can do to help?
-No. Go back upstairs.

Read the Bible
passages I've underlined.

Lane!

[ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY]

Enough now! Back to work!

Back to work! All of you.

And she will have
children in the proper time!

-You, upstairs.
-But, Mama...

You come down,
cooking stops. Up!

But it's hot up there, Mom. And
you know what rises with the hot air?

The smell of 10 pounds of
kimchi. I'm getting woozy.

Well, pull your sweater over
your face. Just get back upstairs.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Vera Wang calling! Wow,
you can almost see that smell.

-Is that the dress?
-It is, indeed.

Wonderful! Lane, the dress.

-Well, come on. Let's see it.
-Okay.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hold that thought.

You couldn't
have set it on fire?

Dude, there's not enough
lighter fluid in the world.

I hope you made a
matching blindfold

so Zach doesn't have
to actually see me in it.

Now, come on. You're
gonna look beautiful.

You have a very pretty face
and you have hands and feet.

For some guys, the stuff
in between is just annoying.

-Mama? Are you okay?
-Yes. Fine.

-What are you doing here?
-I brought the dress.

-What dress?
-My wedding dress, Mama?

-Oh. Yes.
-I was just about to show it to you.

Right. Go ahead.

Now, there were a couple of
stains on it, just probably from age,

so I had to make a few minor adjustments,
but I think you'll see, all in all,

that the integrity of the
dress has remained intact.

Fine. How much do I owe you?

Nothing. Consider
it a wedding gift.

Okay. I have to go back to work.

-I will see you and Luke at the wedding.
-Yes, you will.

I mean, you'll see
me. Luke is out of town.

But I'm gonna take pictures and
make him feel really bad he missed it.

-It's a thing we do.
-Whatever. Goodbye.

-Did she see it?
-I held it up right in front of her face.

But she didn't yell. It's got
a waist and she didn't yell.

Well, don't question it. Take
the dress upstairs and hide it

till you're walking down the
aisle. And even then, walk fast.

-Thank you.
-Okay!

Lorelai! Wait! Come back!

-What do you mean Luke's out of town?
-Well, I mean, Luke's left town.

He's gone far away from town.
Town's there and Luke's over here.

-He's not coming to the wedding with you?
-No.

You mean you're coming
alone, unescorted?

-Well, Rory'll be there, so.
-No, she won't like it.

-Who won't?
-You can't come alone!

An unmarried woman, of
a certain age, unescorted,

wearing the clothes
you tend to wear.

People will think
things. Bad things.

Like what?

Like you're a tramp.
And possibly for sale.

Wow. Suddenly, Footloose
not seeming so silly.

What are we gonna do?

Well, I guess first of all,
we should agree on a price.

You have to find someone to
bring you. You have to find a man.

In one day? Are you kidding me?

It took me this
long to find Luke.

My daughter wants
you at her wedding, fine.

But if you're to come, then
you need to come with a man!

And Kirk does not count!

Lorelai Gilmore. Disappointing
mothers since 1968.

Phones are ringing,
people! Answer them!

Who knows, it could be
someone calling with a story!

Wouldn't that be neat?

I thought I told her to
cut the second paragraph.

Stacey, I thought I told you
cut the second paragraph!

-I forgot.
-Good work, Stacey!

-A.K., time?
-3:15.

Okay, everyone, just a
reminder that I'm leaving at 3:00,

which is 15 minutes ago,

so if anyone needs anything
from me, too bad till Monday.

-My pro-tenure piece.
-Okay, thank you.

-And my anti-tenure piece.
-Paris, come on.

-Just hear me out.
-No.

When I first started writing,
I believed, passionately,

that tenure was reward
for excellent service

and a way for a
school to attract

the very best teachers
from all over the country.

-Sold. Let's go with that.
-But once I finished writing,

I started thinking about the
other side of the argument.

I mean, money and employment for
the rest of your life no matter what?

Where's the incentive to
keep the standards high?

I mean, remember Professor Levers?
He got tenure and lost all interest.

Just sat there,
doughy and sleepy.

It was like being taught
by Jimmy Kimmel.

Anti-tenure. Stamp it, ship it.

I was thinking maybe
you could print both pieces.

-What?
-Side-by-side. Like a point counterpoint.

You want me to print
a point counterpoint

where both points are
written by the same person?

-Bold, huh?
-You have five minutes to pick a side.

-A.K., time?
-3:17.

How very All the
President's Men. Exciting.

-Just the girl we were looking for.
-We have a wonderful idea.

We are going to Costa Rica.

-What?
-We're gonna fly out tonight

and meet the guys at the
end of their river rafting trip.

We thought we'd set
up a fabulous camp,

dress up like natives in
grass skirts and coconut bras,

and meet the boys with food,
fresh booze, and shaving cream.

What do you think?

I think you should
double-check your guide books,

'cause I don't think
the Costa Rican natives

-wear grass skirts and coconut bras.
-Oh, who cares?

There's only a small window of time
where a girl can pull off a coconut bra.

-Well, thanks for the invite, but I can't.
-What? Why?

Don't you wanna see Logan
after six days without a shower?

Or styling gel?

I have a wedding to go to and I'm
leaving in a minute to head home.

-Rats!
-Logan will be very disappointed.

Well, I'll hide the soap and the Kiehl's
and we can reenact it when he gets back.

I'm feeling a chill
from the north.

Okay, well, if you change your mind,
and please change your mind, call my cell.

-We leave at 10:00.
-Have a safe flight.

Woodward, Bernstein.

Okay, and that's
it. Layout's done!

-A.K.?
-3:20.

I'm outie. Jill, proof
Paris' piece when it's in.

I can't pick a side. Either
way I look at it, I'm right.

I'll see you Monday, Paris.

MICHEL: You know, I hear the weather's
supposed to be beautiful tomorrow.

How big a wedding
do you think it will be?

I don't know.

Well, I hope it's a big
wedding. I love big weddings.

What time are you
picking me up tomorrow?

-Noon.
-Oh, noon is fine.

That will give me plenty
of time to get ready.

You know, I hope you
don't stay out too late tonight.

-You'll be tired for tomorrow.
-I will not be tired.

I wouldn't drink too much,
either. You'll be puffy.

Okay, I'll keep it to a
half a box of wine, max.

I'm just saying, tomorrow
is a very special day.

You need to be perfect.

-Okay, I'm not getting married, Michel.
-Oh, I know that.

But you are going to be with
me, and I'm going to look fantastic,

and you know that who you are
with is always a reflection of yourself.

And I don't want my reflection to look
like Judy Garland, the Mark Herron years.

Michel, stop.

Now, I'm going to be
wearing my blue pinstripe.

So if you wear something in
an ice blue or... Oh, yes! Silver.

That would look amazing!

No one would take
their eyes off of us.

And how delighted
the bride will be.

Now, let's discuss dancing.

As you know, I am a fabulous
dancer, Deney Terrio level,

and I intend to dance a lot.

It's what I do at parties to compensate
for the elevated calorie intake.

-I just shake it all off.
-Well, I promise to duck.

I don't understand
your attitude!

After all, these are your
friends. I don't even know them.

-SOOKIE: Lorelai!
-Yeah?

Lorelai, help! Lorelai!
Oh, my God! Little problem.

-Something went very, very wrong.
-Wrong with what?

Remember the dirty cookies I was
baking for the bachelorette gift baskets?

Well, they expanded in the oven.

Expanded? What do you mean?

-Oh, dear!
-I know.

Hello, Tommy Lee.

I don't know what
happened. Too much yeast?

Well, I cannot put those in the bags
with the shiny tiaras and the bubble wands.

I know, I know, I know. I'll go
try and figure something out.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Okay.

-Hello?
-CHRISTOPHER: Lor, you got a minute?

You see? This is
what you're up against.

-Yes, I have a minute.
-I just got Rory one of those Sidekicks.

Actually, I got it for her
a couple of days ago,

so she already has it.

And then I realized it's
probably one of those things

I should've run past you.

So I'm running it past
you now. Is that okay?

'Cause if it's not,
I can take it back.

I'll just say I read something in
Consumer Reports about radiation levels.

Chris, honey, we are way past the
point where you have to get my permission

to buy your own daughter a gift.

-We are?
-Yes! Didn't you get the memo?

Well, you know what
a mess my desk is.

I think it's nice that
you bought Rory a gift.

Good.

-So, how are you?
-I'm great.

Yeah? How's G.G.?

She's... Well, hold on a sec.

-You hear that?
-No.

Exactly.

Oh, come on. It's nap time.

Not until 4:00, my friend.

Then she's holding her breath
until you buy her a Porsche.

She is in her room, playing with her
toys, shining her halo as we speak.

Well, well, well, look
who's cracking the whip!

I gotta tell you, that "no"
word is pretty awesome.

I can't wait to try out
the "you're grounded."

So... [POPULAR
ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Anyway.

-Lane, I'm here and I...
-Move!

-Lane, hi. I...
-Coming through!

-Am I here early?
-Sorry. Hi! Glad you're here.

What's going on? And
where's all your stuff?

My grandma's coming.

Well, geez, how big is she?

She hasn't been out
of Korea in 45 years

because she refuses to travel, so
we figured there's no way she'd come.

But she called today
and she's coming.

So, that's nice. Right?

-Help me!
-Coming.

Whoa! Big Buddha.

-Save the commentary. Grab the feet.
-Okay.

Be careful! Don't let it drop.

-What happens if it drops?
-It breaks!

-Oh, you ask a stupid question...
-Down! Here.

I'll have the boys next
door bring the other one in.

Did you get the crucifixes
out of the kitchen?

-No!
-Go! Both of you! Go, go!

Going!

And don't forget the
Christ's feet tea towel!

Okay, seriously, you have got to
fill me in or I've gotta call my lifeline.

What is with the Buddha?

Apparently, my
grandmother's a Buddhist.

-Go hide these in your room.
-Closet?

Floorboards!

I don't understand. So your
grandma's Buddhist. Why are we...

-Oh, my God. She doesn't know?
-Nope.

Your mother's mother does not
know she's a Seventh-Day Adventist.

And it would be a very
big deal if she found out.

-That is so weird!
-Tell me about it.

I just discovered today that I'm simply
the latest link in a chain of Kim women

who hide their real lives under
floorboards, away from their mothers.

-Lane! She's here!
-I want all boys!

Praise Buddha!

-That's your mom's mom?
-Yep.

[SPEAKING IN KOREAN]

I see the resemblance.

[SNIFFING]

What was that all about?

Three complaints, two insults,
and a hefty dose of religious guilt.

-What are they doing now?
-The ritual of 108 bows.

Should be called 108 "ows."

Oh, my mother
would've liked that one.

It's kind of hypnotizing if
you stare at it long enough.

Oh, shoot. We have to go.

Mama?

Mama, we have to go.
The bachelorette party?

We're meeting the
others at Doose's.

Eighty-eight to go.

Okay, so, I'll see
you later. Bye.

Ladies! Ladies, please,
I need your attention.

Very serious subject here.

Now, I need to do a quick check to
make sure we've got all of our supplies.

Rory, read off the list.

-Beer.
-Check!

-More beer.
-Check.

-Pretzels and beer.
-Check.

Various chocolatey treats,

alternative alcohol for
those who don't like beer,

-and beer.
-Check!

-List complete, Sarge.
-Excellent.

Now, we are about to commence
the first leg of our evening.

Our dear friend Lane
is about to get married,

and it is our job to make sure we
give her one night and one headache

-she will never forget!
-Hear, hear!

Now, our first stop is the Black,
White and Read Bookstore,

where we will sneak in our booze,
our treats, and proceed to get drunk,

and watch tonight's
feature, American Gigolo.

Featuring a little full frontal
from Mr. Gere himself.

All right, let's
go to the movies!

To the movies!

Wait for me! Sorry I'm late.

I had to wait for Mother and
the two Mrs. Kims to sleep

before I can climb
down tree to meet you.

Luckily, all that bowing
makes them sleep like dogs.

It's okay, Kyon. We
were just leaving.

Oh, good. I had
to get out of house.

Stinks of kimchi and
incense. You can't breathe!

There's Buddhas
everywhere staring at you.

What?

When did you start double
dressing and... Avril Lavigne?

Avril Lavigne rocks!

You are such a snob. If it's
not Joy Division, you no like it.

Well, you can't
dance to Joy Division.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

They're crazy. My
whole family is crazy.

Well, welcome to the
club. We'll get sweatshirts.

-Secret admirer?
-It's Dad.

He gave me this thing
as a gift, you know.

However, he also
got himself one,

and since then, he's been
texting me every five minutes.

It's insane.

You should've told him "no"
when he ran this past you.

I think it's nice you have a real
daddy-daughter thing going on here.

Oh, yeah, he's shopping
for celery at the supermarket.

-They're running a special.
-He's just excited.

Yeah, well, now he's in
the canned peas aisle.

Apparently, he doesn't like
peas, but he does like pea soup.

Interesting, no?

-No!
-All right. Give me that.

Okay. "Your daughter is about
to see Richard Gere's penis."

"Enjoy your celery." That
should shut him up for a while.

[RETCHING]

That's gotta be
some sort of record.

I don't understand. I checked
the time of the movie twice.

Well, the paper probably
printed it wrong again.

We could've just gone in.

No, too risky! No way to know
if we'd missed the money shot.

And American Gigolo without
the gig-o-down-low is pointless.

So what should we do now?

Oh, well, we could kill some
time till the next showing.

Sure. That's only 45 minutes.

-So, where should we go?
-We could get some coffee.

Par-tay!

Well, maybe we could play a game.
I do that with the kids and time flies.

I don't really think
peekaboo's gonna fly, Sookie.

Well, we could make it
more adult, you know.

"Peekaboo, take a
shot." That could be fun.

-Hey!
-Hey.

Didn't expect to
see you guys here.

Well, we were gonna see
American Gigolo, but we missed it.

-I swear I checked the time twice.
-We believe you, Sookie.

-What are you guys doing here?
-We just came from Del's bar.

It closed early 'cause it's
Del's wedding anniversary.

Del's is closed? Shoot. We were
gonna go there after the movie.

Well, we could go to
the Chimney Sweep.

-No. Burned down last week.
-Ironic.

We could drive
over to Beacon Falls.

-Anything open there?
-No.

We could go to my aunt's house.
She's got a rec room with a record player.

No way. That's completely lame.

Which one's American Gigolo?

Is that the one where you
see Richard Gere's Johnson?

'Cause that seems a little
weird for a bachelor party.

No! We are not doing this!

-Doing what?
-We are supposed to be getting wild

at separate bachelor
and bachelorette parties.

We cannot be bumping
into each other all night long.

Lady's right. Come on, men.
Let's go find something wild to do.

-Yeah!
-All right!

Okay, you guys. We
are looking pathetic now.

All right? We are young,
temporarily-single girls on the prowl.

There's plenty to do tonight that
we can be mortified about tomorrow.

Well, t-shirts and
tiaras are a start.

Exactly. All right, ladies, come
on. Let's go find us some fun!

[ALL CHEERING EXCITEDLY]

Five more seconds.

-That's it. Anyone?
-Nope.

-Nope.
-Let's do it.

Hi, are you Brian's aunt?

Oh, you must be Lane. The boys
are downstairs in the rec room.

-Sounds like they have foosball!
-Foosball's fun.

-Bachelorettes in the house!
-Hey, boys!

-Dad's feet are two different sizes.
-Oh, for the love of...

Hey, which one says, "Hi, I'm
not a whore, enjoy your day"?

-The pink one.
-Thank you.

[PHONE RINGING]

Do not talk. We're
going to be late.

I talk fast. It's my gift.

-Hello?
-I just got tickets to Celine Dion!

-What?
-My friend Tessa just called

and told me she has front row tickets
to Celine Dion and I am going with her!

Well, that's great.

I have been waiting forever
to get this close to Celine.

Oh, my God! I'm
shaking like a leaf.

What should I wear? What
would Celine like me in?

I don't know, Michel, but I'm
on my way to pick you up, so...

Oh, no. Don't bother. I'm
not going to the wedding.

-What? Why not?
-Because I am going to Celine Dion!

Hello, what have I
been saying to you?

No, Michel, you have
to go to the wedding.

Oh, sorry, I cannot.

But, you've already
seen Celine Dion.

Only five times, and
never in the front row.

I was in the balcony with the riffraff
and the people who sneak in pot.

Michel, you have to
go. I need an escort.

Find someone there. That's
why single women go to weddings.

I am not single! I'm engaged!

Lorelai, I'm sorry. In the future
I owe you some kind of a favor,

but tonight you're on your own.

-Michel...
-I must go.

I'll bring you a
mouse pad. Bye-bye.

Michel is going to the
Celine Dion concert.

-Bummer.
-What am I supposed to do now?

Mrs. Kim made it very clear that I
was not to show up without a guy.

This is ridiculous. And
even when I have a man,

I'm still the girl who
doesn't have a man!

This sucks.

I've known Lane since
she was a little kid.

She spent more time at
our house than at her own,

and now I'm gonna miss her
wedding? Fraking Celine Dion!

You want me to see if
Dad can go with you?

-What?
-I've got him right here.

He's turning left on Main and
he found a Buffalo Head Nickel

in his glove compartment.

No. I don't know. It's
Saturday. I'm sure he's busy.

He just left the hardware store and
now he's parked on the side of the road

trying to decide how
many tacos he wants.

I vote three 'cause two
just never seems enough.

Okay, fine, so he's not busy. But
the wedding is starting in 45 minutes!

-He can be here in 20.
-Seriously?

Wow. Four tacos!
Quite a man, my father.

So? What do you think?
Should I pull the trigger?

-Tell him to bring me a taco.
-Will do.

-"T-P-T-D-I."
-What's that mean?

"Totally psyched to do it."

He's making up his own acronyms?

Yeah, and he just learned
how to make the happy face.

Sorry, kid. What can I say?
He was really hot in high school.

-Hey.
-Hi!

Sorry I'm late.

Forget it. I can't
believe you're doing this.

My pleasure. Wow, you
look great. Do I look okay?

This is the jacket I
had with me in the car.

-Yeah, you look fine.
-Hey, check it out. Buffalo Head Nickel.

-Oh, great. Let's go.
-Go where?

Excuse me. Hi. Mrs. Kim? I'd
like you to meet Christopher Haden.

He's Rory's father and a man.

Did that really
need clarification?

She instructed me
to bring a man today.

I just wanted to show her
that I can take direction well.

You never know
who knows Spielberg.

Why'd you have to bring a man?

Because an unmarried woman, alone,
of a certain age, dressed the way I dress,

apparently is Korean
for Jenna Jameson.

-Where's Luke?
-Out of town with his kid.

Oh. Well, then, lucky me. I always
wanted to meet Jenna Jameson.

-There they are.
-Yes, all nice and proper.

-Hey.
-Hey!

-This is very impressive.
-It's a Buddhist wedding.

-Is the Dalai Lama coming?
-Yes, he's having the chicken.

It must be starting. You
guys should stand over there.

-Okay, we'll wait for you after.
-Did you not get it?

"He's having the chicken"?
Dalai Lama's a vegetarian,

so, obviously, he's
not having the chicken.

Sorry. Should I have
texted it to you instead?

[SOFT ORIENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[SPEAKING IN KOREAN]

[MRS. KIM AND GRANDMA
KIM ARGUING IN KOREAN]

[SPEAKING LOUDLY IN KOREAN]

The universal sounds of family.

Go!

-Hey!
-What the hell is happening?

Are there bulls
coming out of there?

We would've heard
the china breaking.

-My God!
-Why aren't you running?

-Why should we be running?
-To get to the church!

-For what?
-For the wedding.

I thought this was the wedding.

This was the grandmother's wedding.
Now we do the mother's wedding.

-But why do we have to run?
-Because there's 58 seats and 62 Koreans!

Oh, boy. Go!

Don't slow down.

-My shoes are slippery.
-Suck it up!

Hey. Hi, Christopher!

Chris, you remember
Sookie and Jackson?

-Yeah. Nice to see you again.
-You, too.

-Nice day for a wedding.
-Beautiful.

-Perfect weather.
-Why are we running?

Fifty-eight seats, 62 Koreans.

-Block for me, baby!
-I'm on it!

What do you see? Do
you see anything open?

We'll take two and
two. Two and two is fine.

-We can find four together.
-I don't think we can!

Wait, I see
something. Patty! Patty!

Oh, hi, honey.
What a pretty dress.

Oh, the things you can
pull off with that body.

-These all taken?
-No, I just thought I'd save some in case.

Here, come sit.

It's a madhouse in here. How did
you get all these seats together?

Honey, I've been here all night.

-You're kidding. Why?
-Fifty-eight seats and 62 Koreans?

Please. Carrot sticks?

-God, look at me. I look like a bride.
-You are a bride.

-I feel so weird.
-I want a picture.

Of me feeling weird?

No, of me standing next to
you while you're feeling weird.

-Everything all right?
-Yeah, Mrs. Kim, everything's fine.

The dress looks different.

Really? Does it?

Everything looks different
through the eyes of a bride.

-Rory, can you excuse us a moment?
-Sure. I'll be right outside.

Mama, is something
wrong? 'Cause the dress...

Forget the dress.
Sit down, please.

Lane, I have something very
upsetting to talk to you about.

-What?
-It concerns the wedding night.

-Oh, boy.
-Yes. Oh, boy.

Marriage is a job, Lane.

There are rewards that come with
this job, but there are also sacrifices.

There are things you're
going to have to do.

-Things?
-Terrible things.

-Mama, you don't have to...
-You need to hear this.

You need to know what
to expect. It will start early.

-What will?
-The man's expectations.

It starts early. At
the wedding, actually.

At the wedding you're
going to have to kiss him.

-Mama...
-You will then be expected

to share a bed tonight.
And when you're in that bed,

-you're expected to...
-Mama, please.

You're going to have to
do it with this boy, Lane.

You're just going
to have to do it.

Hopefully, if you're lucky like
me, you'll only have to do it once.

[WEDDING MARCH PLAYING]

You know, I remember
the day I met Lane.

It was Rory's first
day of kindergarten,

and she insisted on wearing
my Chico and the Man t-shirt,

which I thought would
either elicit confused shrugs

or label her as the
weird '70s sitcom kid.

And we walked in the classroom
and Lane came running up to her

and offered to share her crayons
with her. And I was so grateful,

'cause I thought even if Lane turned out
to be a psycho-bad-seed-serial-killer kid,

at least Rory had a friend.

Who knew it would turn
out to be a lifelong friendship.

Well, they're young.

There's plenty of time for them to
have a stupid fight and screw it up.

[SPEAKING IN KOREAN]

This is the first one of
Rory's friends to get married.

Yeah?

You know, Rory could be next.

Yeah.

-Congrats, man.
-Thanks, man.

That's just the way I like them. Short
and in a language I can't understand.

I thought it was beautiful.
What an elegant dress!

Oh, yeah, the dress
did look nice, didn't it?

-I'm gonna go call the babysitter.
-I'll go with you.

We have this new babysitter.

She's 17, sweet as can be, perfect
student, references up the wazoo.

She seems absolutely
perfect in every way!

Well, she's probably
a crack head.

-Thank you. I'm calling right now.
-I'll go with you.

-Let's go find the bar.
-Right behind you.

It was awesome, man.

Just flowed right down to the
ground. Majorly comfortable.

There's a reason
Buddhists are so peaceful.

You have to see it.

Hey, I'm just happy to have
another married guy around.

Hey, just 'cause
I'm married now,

doesn't mean we're gonna
have any Dr. Phil moments.

Just wait, my friend.

Just wait till the first time you
don't bring home the dry cleaning.

Dude, this is my day. Can
we not talk about dry cleaning?

-Absolootie.
-Thank you.

So this robe, it must be
made of silk 'cause it is so soft.

Silk, huh? Bet it's
hand wash only.

Well, that definitely
was not the bar.

-Maybe it's over there.
-No, that's the gift table.

-Did we try behind the church?
-Twice. There has to be a bar.

We called Darla, if that is her real
name, and apparently, everything's fine.

-Hey, where's the bar?
-We were just wondering that ourselves.

There you guys are.

I was very proud of the lack of
heckling coming from your section.

Yeah. We were real
good. Now where's the bar?

Don't say that so loud.

What? No. No way! No
bar? Are you kidding?

-Mom.
-What? They don't have to drink it.

[CLATTERING]

Well, if we can't drink, we might
as well go get something to eat.

-That food is not for you.
-What?

Hold on. Is this the "not
married" thing again?

Did you tell them I'm engaged?

Engaged has got to
be worth a spare rib.

What the hell are they doing?

Well, there's something
you don't see every day.

-Wow. We just made it!
-Yes. They really cleaned us out.

Let's see the bag. Nice haul.

I can't believe your friends
gave me all this money.

They are good people.
They know you're a good girl.

-Lester Shin probably stiffed you.
-That's okay.

I can take those checks back
home. Put them in the safe for you.

Sure. That'd be great.

-It was a very nice ceremony.
-It was.

-The second one.
-I know.

Thank you for doing
two ceremonies.

It was very important
to your grandmother.

It was fun! Made my wedding
seem a little more special.

Well, it's good
you see it that way.

All right, well, all my guests
are gone. I'm going home.

-Are you sure?
-Yes. I'm very tired.

I'm going to go home
and go straight to bed.

Okay.

And I'm going to
wear earplugs tonight.

The good ones that expand in your
ear, so I won't be able to hear anything

that might be going on out in
the street at all hours of the night.

Thank you, Mama. For
everything. And look at it this way.

You're not losing a
daughter, you're gaining a son

who likes to wear a dress.

-He had better make you happy.
-He will.

Don't let him take
pictures in that thing.

We're on, boys!

Excuse me. Where
do you want it, sir?

Close, dude.
Really, really close.

Roger, Wilco. Drop
it and stock it, boys!

Excuse me. Hold on a second.

There's something wrong
with your dress here.

Got it!

Yes! My wife's got legs,
so let's get this party started!

[PEPPY MUSIC PLAYING]

Two Manhattans, extra cherries.

-Excuse me, Rory?
-Yeah, Kirk?

I have to ask you something.

Do you think he's yummy enough?

-Who?
-Troy.

-The bartender?
-Yes.

See, I put this company together

for the sole purpose of
bringing truly yummy bartenders

to the lonely women
of Stars Hollow.

But they really
have to be yummy.

I'm talking mouth-watering,
tasty morsels of manhood.

Which, by the way, was the
original name of the business,

but it was already taken
by a firm in Woodbridge.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Now, when I first met Troy,

I thought he was the epitome
of "yummy," you know?

But now I see him in the
moonlight and I'm not so sure.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about it,
Kirk. I think Troy is plenty yummy.

-You do?
-Yeah, I really do.

-Can I go now?
-Yes. Thank you. Enjoy your evening.

Yes, hi, is Sookie
or Jackson there?

No. All right, well, just
tell them Lorelai called.

Thank you.

-Well?
-She didn't sound drunk at all.

But she sounded like
there was a guy there, right?

-No.
-What about a pimp? Did you hear a pimp?

Yes. I heard a pimp. But he
sounded like he had a heart of gold.

I don't understand.
She's too perfect.

-Who's too perfect?
-You are. Oh, extra cherries. Cheers!

Cheers.

Rory, your father has
something he wants to tell you.

Yes. I just wanna apologize
for my Sidekick stalking.

I realize now that
I have a problem.

Which is the first
step to recovery.

The second step is that he's
now given the Sidekick to me.

-No!
-Yes!

That's worse!

"Hi, Rory? What are you
doing? What are you wearing?"

"What are you thinking? What
about now? Do you miss me?"

"Do you think I'm pretty?
Where do babies come from?"

-Thanks a lot, mister.
-Hi!

Hi! Well, hello there.

Kudos on the hot
dogs, by the way.

-Zach's idea.
-Lane came up with the fries, though.

You are so perfect together.

-You having fun?
-Yes. A little too much fun.

We actually thought we
should make the rounds

before we're too toasted
to remember who you are.

And who are you?

Zach, this is my dad,
Christopher. This is Zach.

-Congratulations, man. Nice weddings!
-Thanks, dude.

Hey, I wanna take a picture of
everyone with Lane and Zach.

Oh, God, I hate the paparazzi.

Come on, get in the
picture. Say cheese.

Cheese!

-Thank you.
-Okay.

We should go. We have
six more tables to hit.

If we forget to say it later,
we are really glad you came.

-Later.
-Bye.

I'm out.

-Let me see the picture.
-No, you'll delete it.

-Not if it's good.
-You erase every picture I take of you.

No. Only the ones
where I look like Rhoda.

-You never look like Rhoda.
-Occasionally, I look like Rhoda.

Fine, here.

-Wow, you have a lot of pictures.
-I like proof, okay?

Whoa! Go back!

-What?
-Flip back! Who's that?

That's me with April.

When did you meet April?

When I went to Philadelphia
for Jess' open house.

Jess? Philadelphia?
What am I missing here?

Nothing. Jess' work had an open
house, I was invited and I went.

And Luke showed up there
with April. It was a total fluke.

I... God! I didn't know
you were seeing Jess.

Well, I'm not seeing
him. We're just friends.

-Does Logan know you went to see Jess?
-No, Logan was in Costa Rica.

-I swear. Nothing happened there.
-Okay.

Just met April, took a picture
together? Like you're pals.

I swear, Mom, it was
a crazy coincidence.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I
just... I felt so weird about it.

Oh, sure. I get it.

Look, it's not like Luke was
trying to introduce her to me.

I walked in, they were there.

Yeah, right. Okay. Fluke.

-Are you okay?
-I'm fine.

I'm gonna get another
drink. Do you want anything?

Okay. I'll be right back.

What's up, Stars Hollow!

Who likes my robe?

Thanks. I'm liking it myself.

Okay,

tonight is not only the night I
married the coolest girl on the planet,

it is also the world premiere

of the newly-reunited Hep Alien!

It feels great to be back.

[SINGING POPULAR SONG]

I swear. Nothing happened.

I know what I saw. He put
fruit in your drink. Lots of fruit.

I asked him for the
fruit. I was hungry.

Attention, party-goers
and revelers!

As I have just recently fired
all of the "Yummy Bartenders,"

from now on, the
bar is serve yourself.

-Kirk!
-Too yummy. Way too yummy!

Kirk, this is crazy! Why
are you acting like this?

Boy, I tell you, if you have to
get married, this is the way to do it.

"Have to get married"? Oh
my, so cynical and jaded.

-Well, we can't all be cool like Zach.
-I think they're really happy.

Good, that's the way
it's supposed to be.

-I'm glad I came to this thing tonight.
-Me, too.

-So, where's Logan?
-Oh, he's in Costa Rica.

Costa Rica? Work? Play?

-Play. Always play.
-Really? What's he doing?

Oh, he's gonna
jump off something

and raft down somewhere,
climb up a thing,

swing around on a
vine, stuff like that.

Listen, I want you to
know that I like him.

I like him and I like you and
I like you and him. Together.

Well, good.

I just want you to
know that I approve.

Dad, it's not like
we're getting married.

But if that changes, I
just want you to know...

-That you approve.
-Yes.

You know, it's been a
while since I partied like this.

I used to be much better at it.

Well, maybe Logan can give
you some tips when he gets back.

[ALL CHEERING]

Hi. I'm Brian Fuller, bass player
for Hep Alien and best man.

All right. I wanna say a
few words about Zach.

I've known Zach for most of my
life. I've been his roommate and friend

and I just have to say, I think Lane
has something very, very wrong with her.

Boo!

-Time for the toasts. Excuse me a minute.
-Absolutely.

-We are doing shots.
-For 20, apparently.

Pass the salt.

You know, I'm a respectable man, Lorelai.
An upstanding citizen. I'm a father.

-I know. This is how you became one.
-Well, you got me there.

So, in closing, Lane, if you ever
wanna see a picture of Zach trying

to shove 14 ping pong
balls in his mouth, I have it.

To Lane and Zach, may
they stay together forever.

Otherwise, Hep Alien is screwed!

To Lane and Zach!

-To Lane and Zach!
-To Lane and Zach.

-Great toast, Bri.
-Yes. Excellent.

Seriously, dude, I need
those pictures back.

Hi, everyone. I'm Rory
Gilmore. I'm the maid of honor.

-To Rory!
-To Rory!

I'm not one for speeches.

And I don't have any incriminating
pictures of Lane to share.

But, I do have this letter.

This letter was written
in 1995 by one Lane Kim.

It was slipped into my hands during
a spelling test in Miss Matteo's class.

I was so shocked by its contents
that I missed the word "automobile."

O-T-T-O-mobile. That's
right, Lane. I remember.

I will now share with you
the contents of this letter.

"Dear Rory. How was
your lunch? Mine was bad.

"Did you have ham again? If you
did, I am sorry. But mine was worse.

"I thought you should
know that today at recess

"I decided that I'm going
to marry Alex Bacos."

"He has a very nice head"

"and his ears don't stick
out like Roddy Winston's do."

"I will love him forever, no matter
what. See you at Brownies. Love, Lane."

I'm sorry, Lane. I just thought that
Zach should know that in your heart,

he will always be second
place to Alex Bacos

and his well-proportioned ears.

It's true.

-Come on. You're behind.
-Oh, I'm gonna sit this one out.

Well, that's fun.

But the bottom line is, I love
you, Lane. Congratulations.

To the bride and groom!

-To the bride and groom!
-Bride and groom!

-Where you going?
-I wanna give a toast.

Congratulations.

Hello. Everybody, hello.

Some of you know
me as Lorelai Gilmore.

And some of you know me as Cher.

But either way, I wanted to
say a few words about our girl.

I have known Lane forever

and I'm just so incredibly happy

that she has gotten married.

I mean, I am just so happy

that this adorable
22-year-old girl

has gotten married.

Because it's amazing, you know?

It's really hard to get married.

Believe me, I should know.

I mean, seriously,
because Lane is married

and next thing,
it'll be my daughter,

and then my
granddaughter, but not me.

I'm not getting married.

No. It ain't for me.
It's not in the cards.

But, hey, do you know what
date I'm not getting married?

June 3rd. Do not save the date!

Do you hear me? Do
whatever you want on June 3rd,

because there's nothing
at all happening on that day.

If there's anything you
need to book or anything,

it's totally safe to
book it on June 3rd!

So, congratulations,
Lane and Zach.

Who else here had eight shots
of tequila? Anybody? Hands.

No?

Oh, my gosh! Who misses
the Yummy Bartenders?

I know. Me, too.
They were so great.

I was gonna ask them to not work
on June 3rd on my not wedding.

They just thought
that would be so fun.

Hi, Chris.

Hi, Rory. Hi.

-How about some coffee?
-What? Okay.

Well, I guess we're
going over here.

Totally perfect wedding.

Get her over to the couch.

Man, I must say,

when your mom does
something, she commits.

Just prop her up. I'm
gonna make some coffee.

You know, hon, if the two gallons we
poured down her throat at the wedding

didn't do anything, I'm not
sure what two more cups will.

Hey, no one knows how to wrangle
the full powers of the coffee bean

like a Gilmore.

Just prop her up. She
hates to get pillow face.

Pillow face. Got it.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Logan's hurt.

-What? What do you mean? Is he all right?
-I don't know.

That was Colin and the line was
bad. Something happened on the trip.

They're airlifting him to
a hospital in New York.

-Oh, boy.
-Well, I gotta go.

I wanna be there
when he arrives.

Yes, go. I can take
care of your mom.

Leave her a note that I'll
call her from the hospital.

-I will. Go.
-I'm going.

All right, Calamity
Jane, let's get you to bed.

-No.
-Yes.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Hey.

What time is it?

Yeah.

I...

No, Luke, it's fine.
I'm glad you called.

Yeah, the wedding was
great. She looked beautiful.