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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:56,634 --> 00:00:58,102 Mmm. 2 00:00:59,837 --> 00:01:01,405 -My husband! -Mmm? 3 00:01:02,206 --> 00:01:03,374 Thank you for last night. 4 00:01:16,987 --> 00:01:18,189 (GASPS) 5 00:01:19,056 --> 00:01:20,591 Thank you for last night. 6 00:01:30,768 --> 00:01:31,869 (TIRES SCREECHING) 7 00:01:40,043 --> 00:01:41,645 Thank you for last night. 8 00:01:44,482 --> 00:01:45,483 (CHUCKLES) 9 00:01:50,354 --> 00:01:53,491 * I'll keep you my dirty little secret 10 00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,426 * Dirty little secret 11 00:01:55,526 --> 00:02:00,764 * Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret 12 00:02:00,864 --> 00:02:03,301 * Just another regret Hope that you can keep it 13 00:02:03,401 --> 00:02:08,606 * My dirty little secret Dirty little secret Dirty little secret 14 00:02:08,706 --> 00:02:10,274 * Who has to know 15 00:02:10,374 --> 00:02:12,443 -(BANGING) -(BELL RINGING) 16 00:02:12,543 --> 00:02:14,278 Hey, what do you think you're doing? 17 00:02:15,913 --> 00:02:17,348 Shit! 18 00:02:18,316 --> 00:02:19,350 (TIRES SCREECHING) 19 00:02:21,084 --> 00:02:22,820 (TRAIN HORN BLOWING) 20 00:02:24,722 --> 00:02:25,889 (SCREAMING) 21 00:02:31,662 --> 00:02:34,498 Today, these visually-impaired senior citizens 22 00:02:34,598 --> 00:02:37,435 will fulfill a lifelong dream. 23 00:02:40,070 --> 00:02:41,939 To swim with dolphins. 24 00:02:42,039 --> 00:02:43,407 (DOLPHIN SQUEALING) 25 00:02:44,308 --> 00:02:45,576 BOY: Hey, check this out. 26 00:02:46,677 --> 00:02:47,911 What is that? 27 00:02:48,011 --> 00:02:51,682 Careful. That is four years of research. 28 00:02:51,782 --> 00:02:53,016 A technological breakthrough, 29 00:02:53,116 --> 00:02:55,353 which might just save a life or two. 30 00:02:55,453 --> 00:02:57,321 -What's it for? -It's a device to prevent 31 00:02:57,421 --> 00:02:59,357 the beaching of cetaceans. 32 00:02:59,457 --> 00:03:01,191 That's "whales" to you and me. 33 00:03:01,292 --> 00:03:04,728 Cetaceans, huh? That's a pretty big word for a man-whore. 34 00:03:07,565 --> 00:03:09,433 I'm not a man-whore. 35 00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,503 I'm a fish enthusiast. 36 00:03:12,603 --> 00:03:14,472 I stopped man-whoring when I met my wife. 37 00:03:14,572 --> 00:03:16,940 My mom said your wife got eaten on your honeymoon 38 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:18,776 because you tried to feed the sharks. 39 00:03:18,876 --> 00:03:21,845 You tell your mom I was trying to feed the turtles! 40 00:03:21,945 --> 00:03:22,913 I didn't realize there was 41 00:03:23,013 --> 00:03:24,114 meat sauce on the lettuce. 42 00:03:24,214 --> 00:03:26,350 Whatever. I bet that thing doesn't even work, 43 00:03:26,450 --> 00:03:27,851 you stupid he-bitch. 44 00:03:27,951 --> 00:03:30,521 -Come on, I got it! -Hey, you little bastards. 45 00:03:30,621 --> 00:03:32,590 Hey, give that back! That's not a toy! 46 00:03:34,458 --> 00:03:36,727 WOMAN: That's the one. That's your grandma. 47 00:03:36,827 --> 00:03:38,962 Gimme... Come on! Gimme! I... 48 00:03:39,062 --> 00:03:40,364 (HIGH-PITCHED SOUND) 49 00:03:42,099 --> 00:03:43,601 (CROWD SCREAMING) 50 00:03:44,134 --> 00:03:45,369 (SCREAMING) 51 00:03:47,004 --> 00:03:49,172 (SCREAMING) 52 00:03:49,273 --> 00:03:51,074 Something... Something seems to be going wrong. 53 00:03:51,174 --> 00:03:52,543 I'm not sure what's happening. 54 00:03:52,643 --> 00:03:54,812 -Yee-haw! -(BANGING) 55 00:03:54,912 --> 00:03:55,913 Oh! 56 00:03:56,013 --> 00:03:57,548 I gotcha! I gotcha! 57 00:04:01,285 --> 00:04:04,388 * Here's wishing you the bluest skies 58 00:04:04,488 --> 00:04:07,925 * Hoping something better comes tomorrow 59 00:04:09,327 --> 00:04:11,729 Hey, everybody. I'm home. 60 00:04:11,829 --> 00:04:14,064 * And the very best of choruses to 61 00:04:14,164 --> 00:04:15,699 * Follow all the doubt 62 00:04:15,799 --> 00:04:18,369 Hi, Kate. I missed you today. 63 00:04:19,537 --> 00:04:22,039 The prototype's almost working. 64 00:04:22,139 --> 00:04:24,141 All it needs is a few minor adjustments. 65 00:04:24,241 --> 00:04:29,079 * Here's hoping all the days ahead won't be as bitter * 66 00:04:29,179 --> 00:04:30,781 MALE REPORTER: This is Wes Takahashi in Malibu, 67 00:04:30,881 --> 00:04:32,983 where three blind swimmers are still missing. 68 00:04:33,083 --> 00:04:35,853 I hope that man rots in hell! 69 00:04:35,953 --> 00:04:38,856 It was some weird guy. He tried to touch my ba... 70 00:04:39,590 --> 00:04:40,824 (PHONE RINGING) 71 00:04:46,997 --> 00:04:50,067 Hello? 72 00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:51,902 -T.J.? -I'm in Amsterdam! 73 00:04:52,002 --> 00:04:54,472 Man, you'd love it over here. It's like Disneyland 74 00:04:54,572 --> 00:04:56,974 for college students. You wouldn't believe this shit. 75 00:04:57,074 --> 00:05:00,110 Why don't you come on over and let your old friend T.J. show you a good time? 76 00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:01,812 Oh, that's crazy. I can't. 77 00:05:01,912 --> 00:05:04,682 Look, it ain't like you got somethin' better to do over there. 78 00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:06,950 Amsterdam is so far away. 79 00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:09,086 Police have just released a sketch of a man 80 00:05:09,186 --> 00:05:11,288 wanted for questioning. Witnesses report 81 00:05:11,389 --> 00:05:15,192 he is goofy-looking and probably a virgin. 82 00:05:15,292 --> 00:05:18,161 On the other hand, far away could be good. 83 00:05:18,261 --> 00:05:19,863 (PLANE TAKING OFF) 84 00:05:21,832 --> 00:05:23,434 Is my wife gonna be okay in there? 85 00:05:23,534 --> 00:05:24,568 ATTENDANT: She'll be fine, sir. 86 00:05:24,668 --> 00:05:26,704 DEUCE: All right. 87 00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:28,639 WOMAN 1: (ON PA) Ladies and gentlemen, flight 10 from Helsinki is 88 00:05:28,739 --> 00:05:31,542 -now arriving at Gate A-12. -Excuse me. I think there's been a mix-up. 89 00:05:33,210 --> 00:05:35,345 Oh, sorry! Sorry. 90 00:05:35,446 --> 00:05:38,348 That's okay. I've always wondered what it would feel like to be a white woman. 91 00:05:39,182 --> 00:05:40,117 Can I borrow it? 92 00:05:40,217 --> 00:05:41,585 Gimme that! 93 00:05:42,786 --> 00:05:44,254 Hold on! 94 00:05:44,354 --> 00:05:46,023 WOMAN 2: (ON PA) All rows now boarding for Amsterdam. 95 00:05:46,924 --> 00:05:49,927 -Ow! -Ow! 96 00:05:50,027 --> 00:05:51,962 -Oh! -Oh! 97 00:05:52,696 --> 00:05:54,197 Oh! 98 00:05:54,297 --> 00:05:57,134 (WHISPERING) Excuse me. Okay. 99 00:06:05,943 --> 00:06:08,111 DEUCE: Hey, how many people get to do this on their honeymoon? 100 00:06:10,047 --> 00:06:11,982 You're sure it's safe to feed the turtles? 101 00:06:12,082 --> 00:06:15,919 You have nothing to worry about! I'm a fish expert, remember? 102 00:06:17,187 --> 00:06:19,657 What is that over there? 103 00:06:19,757 --> 00:06:21,492 Oh that's just some kid with a fin on his back 104 00:06:21,592 --> 00:06:22,826 trying to scare us. 105 00:06:22,926 --> 00:06:24,394 Are you sure? 106 00:06:24,495 --> 00:06:27,164 Yeah! Do you think the hotel would let us swim out here 107 00:06:27,264 --> 00:06:28,599 if there were sharks? 108 00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:33,070 Come on. This is Mexico! 109 00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:36,707 They know what they're doing. 110 00:06:36,807 --> 00:06:38,175 (LAUGHING) 111 00:06:39,577 --> 00:06:41,545 (GASPING) 112 00:06:49,019 --> 00:06:51,021 This shirt's gonna be a great icebreaker. 113 00:06:51,121 --> 00:06:54,492 MAN: Fuck you, American. You imperialist bastard! 114 00:06:54,592 --> 00:06:57,728 I love America! I love President Bush! 115 00:06:57,828 --> 00:07:00,130 Thank you for bringing democracy to Iraq! 116 00:07:00,230 --> 00:07:01,465 MAN: Shut up! 117 00:07:01,565 --> 00:07:03,166 -WOMAN: Oh, shit! -(SPLASHING) 118 00:07:04,735 --> 00:07:06,203 Oh, hello! Sir! 119 00:07:06,870 --> 00:07:08,539 Is this okay? 120 00:07:08,639 --> 00:07:10,007 You did miss a spot. 121 00:07:16,213 --> 00:07:17,948 Did I get it? 122 00:07:18,048 --> 00:07:19,449 Put some elbow in it! 123 00:07:22,853 --> 00:07:23,954 Sorry, honey. 124 00:07:29,226 --> 00:07:31,529 Huh. What's with all these red lights? 125 00:07:32,863 --> 00:07:34,865 I wonder if they know their curtains are open. 126 00:07:38,068 --> 00:07:39,503 Oh, man. 127 00:07:42,205 --> 00:07:43,206 Ahoy there. 128 00:07:44,642 --> 00:07:46,577 Big Deucey in Amsterdam. 129 00:07:46,677 --> 00:07:47,911 (LAUGHING) 130 00:07:48,011 --> 00:07:49,112 Man, get on over here. 131 00:07:50,347 --> 00:07:51,649 Deucey. 132 00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:54,918 -Look at this boat. -Check this out. 133 00:07:57,287 --> 00:07:58,922 (RAP MUSIC PLAYING) 134 00:07:59,890 --> 00:08:01,124 T.J.: You like that? 135 00:08:06,129 --> 00:08:07,497 (MUSIC STOPS) 136 00:08:07,598 --> 00:08:09,132 I couldn't be happier for ya. 137 00:08:09,232 --> 00:08:11,935 -Come on, let me show you my float crib. -Okay. 138 00:08:12,035 --> 00:08:14,137 -Yeah! Lookin' like money. -Yeah! 139 00:08:14,237 --> 00:08:17,007 So, you're gonna have a good time, man. Huh? 140 00:08:19,442 --> 00:08:21,579 Well, it ain't much, but it's home. 141 00:08:22,846 --> 00:08:24,114 Oh. 142 00:08:24,214 --> 00:08:27,050 It's nice. I like what you've done with it. 143 00:08:27,150 --> 00:08:28,919 Now if you gotta use the bathroom, 144 00:08:29,019 --> 00:08:32,623 lift up the toilet seat. This is where I live, it's my home. 145 00:08:32,723 --> 00:08:34,925 Don't want nobody pissing on my toilet seat. 146 00:08:37,194 --> 00:08:40,363 What do you think of the float crib, you feelin' it? Huh? 147 00:08:40,463 --> 00:08:43,200 T.J., I think you got a bad leak here. 148 00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:44,902 Naw, naw, naw. It's just high tide. 149 00:08:46,469 --> 00:08:49,006 Is that what I think it is? 150 00:08:49,106 --> 00:08:52,009 Yeah. I brought Kate. 151 00:08:52,109 --> 00:08:54,845 I really wanna show her a good time. Ya know? 152 00:08:54,945 --> 00:08:56,546 Maybe buy her a wooden shoe. 153 00:08:58,816 --> 00:08:59,817 Deucey. 154 00:09:01,151 --> 00:09:04,421 Keepin' that leg is kind of creepy. 155 00:09:04,521 --> 00:09:07,024 -You gotta move on with your life. -LIL' KIM: T.J.! 156 00:09:10,460 --> 00:09:13,563 -Hey, Lil' Kim, what's up? -I no more man-whore. Too much danger. 157 00:09:16,299 --> 00:09:17,968 Excuse us for a moment, Deucey. 158 00:09:20,470 --> 00:09:23,741 Listen up, Lil' Kim. When your little, bony ass had SARS, 159 00:09:23,841 --> 00:09:25,575 who got ya out of quarantine? 160 00:09:25,676 --> 00:09:27,645 Go make me some money. 161 00:09:27,745 --> 00:09:30,714 No way! I take my three inches elsewhere. 162 00:09:32,182 --> 00:09:34,251 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 163 00:09:34,351 --> 00:09:36,253 (BELLS TOLLING) 164 00:09:36,353 --> 00:09:38,421 So I thought I'd come over here and make a killin'. 165 00:09:38,521 --> 00:09:40,824 Got myself a houseboat, some hos. 166 00:09:40,924 --> 00:09:44,828 The only thing a woman love more than a man-ho is a floatin' man-ho. 167 00:09:44,928 --> 00:09:46,129 Makes sense. 168 00:09:46,229 --> 00:09:48,398 Then all these man-whore murders started. 169 00:09:48,498 --> 00:09:50,500 My he-bitches got too scared to go to work. 170 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,369 What kind of world do we live in 171 00:09:52,469 --> 00:09:54,271 where the streets ain't safe for male prostitutes? 172 00:09:55,806 --> 00:09:58,709 SERVER: Here's your hashish. Enjoy. 173 00:09:59,710 --> 00:10:01,812 -Hashish? -Yeah. 174 00:10:01,912 --> 00:10:04,514 -No. -Yo-ho-ho-ho. 175 00:10:04,614 --> 00:10:06,416 I thought you said this was a coffee shop. 176 00:10:06,516 --> 00:10:09,252 Let me break it down for ya, Deucey. You're in Amsterdam. 177 00:10:09,352 --> 00:10:11,655 If you want coffee, you go to a cafe. 178 00:10:11,755 --> 00:10:14,858 If you want marijuana, ganji or some freaky-deaky, 179 00:10:14,958 --> 00:10:16,193 you go to a coffee shop. 180 00:10:16,293 --> 00:10:19,296 That's where you is now. Mmm-hmm. 181 00:10:20,831 --> 00:10:22,165 (LAUGHING) 182 00:10:26,069 --> 00:10:29,139 Put that away! Cops! Cops! 183 00:10:29,239 --> 00:10:30,808 Hold it right there. 184 00:10:38,581 --> 00:10:40,751 Now, that joint looks loose. 185 00:10:40,851 --> 00:10:42,185 If you want, I'll roll the next one. 186 00:10:43,220 --> 00:10:44,688 Have a good evening, huh? 187 00:10:46,456 --> 00:10:48,692 Oh, don't worry about it, Deucey. This is Amsterdam. 188 00:10:48,792 --> 00:10:51,294 It's perfectly legal over here. You want a hit? 189 00:10:51,394 --> 00:10:53,396 No. I'm not smokin' nothin'. 190 00:10:53,496 --> 00:10:55,165 Oh, come on, man. 191 00:10:55,265 --> 00:10:57,134 Deucey don't smoke. 192 00:10:57,234 --> 00:11:00,037 Suit yourself. Well, well, well, if it ain't Heinz Hummer, 193 00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:02,405 the gigolo with the most below. 194 00:11:02,505 --> 00:11:03,941 What do you want, T.J.? I'm busy. 195 00:11:04,041 --> 00:11:06,476 I wanna introduce you to my friend, Deuce Bigalow. 196 00:11:06,576 --> 00:11:08,311 He's a gigolo from America. 197 00:11:08,411 --> 00:11:09,780 Hi. 198 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:11,014 (LAUGHING) 199 00:11:13,817 --> 00:11:16,353 Sometimes you're really funny, T.J. 200 00:11:16,453 --> 00:11:18,321 How much you gettin' for a Filthy Ramirez these days? 201 00:11:18,421 --> 00:11:20,023 Because I could get you more. 202 00:11:20,123 --> 00:11:21,892 HEINZ: A Filthy Ramirez? Where have you been? 203 00:11:21,992 --> 00:11:23,794 Nobody pays for that shit anymore. 204 00:11:23,894 --> 00:11:25,662 See ya around, T.J. 205 00:11:25,763 --> 00:11:26,997 Hey, the Man-whore Awards are comin' up. 206 00:11:27,097 --> 00:11:28,698 Don't you wanna win the Golden Boner? 207 00:11:28,799 --> 00:11:31,969 I already won it twice. Just ask your ex-fiance. 208 00:11:33,436 --> 00:11:35,205 Man, why you gotta bring up Delisha like that? 209 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,609 I can't believe prostitution's legal here. 210 00:11:39,709 --> 00:11:42,445 Oh, yeah, it's big business. They got a union, dental plan. 211 00:11:42,545 --> 00:11:45,315 Man, if I had a he-bitch like Heinz Hummer, 212 00:11:45,415 --> 00:11:46,984 put me back in the game. 213 00:11:47,617 --> 00:11:49,586 Is he that good? 214 00:11:49,686 --> 00:11:51,288 Is he that good? They don't call him "Lord of the Wangs" for nothin'. 215 00:11:52,489 --> 00:11:53,924 Man, what I wouldn't give... 216 00:11:55,225 --> 00:11:56,760 For Heinz's wang? 217 00:11:56,860 --> 00:11:58,461 Naw, I don't want Heinz's wang. 218 00:11:58,561 --> 00:11:59,963 I want him as a client. 219 00:12:01,464 --> 00:12:03,033 Hey, man, keep your voice down. 220 00:12:03,133 --> 00:12:06,536 Talkin' about me wantin' Heinz's big, juicy wang. 221 00:12:06,636 --> 00:12:08,839 People would think I'm gay. 222 00:12:08,939 --> 00:12:11,241 Now, a pimp's only got one thing in this world. 223 00:12:11,341 --> 00:12:12,910 His reputation. 224 00:12:13,010 --> 00:12:15,412 Here you are, gentlemen. Fresh today. 225 00:12:15,512 --> 00:12:16,980 Bon appetit. 226 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:18,048 What is this? 227 00:12:18,148 --> 00:12:19,249 Spacecake. 228 00:12:20,550 --> 00:12:22,119 Why do they call it that? 229 00:12:22,219 --> 00:12:24,221 You know, it's what the astronauts eat. Like Tang. 230 00:12:28,491 --> 00:12:29,893 I'm starving. 231 00:12:32,695 --> 00:12:34,097 It's a little dry. 232 00:12:34,197 --> 00:12:37,000 -Keep eatin'. It gets better. -Hmm. 233 00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:39,469 -Ya sure you don't want any? -No. 234 00:12:39,569 --> 00:12:41,872 Never been high, never gonna be. 235 00:12:44,141 --> 00:12:47,377 It's pretty good cake, though. Fuckin' excellent. 236 00:12:54,351 --> 00:12:57,187 * Nights in white satin 237 00:12:58,355 --> 00:13:02,325 * Never reaching the end 238 00:13:02,425 --> 00:13:03,593 (T.J. LAUGHING) 239 00:13:03,693 --> 00:13:06,429 * Letters I've written 240 00:13:06,529 --> 00:13:08,465 Whoo! 241 00:13:08,565 --> 00:13:10,834 * Never meaning to send 242 00:13:13,470 --> 00:13:17,474 * Beauty I'd always missed 243 00:13:17,574 --> 00:13:21,111 * With these eyes before 244 00:13:23,546 --> 00:13:25,015 You. 245 00:13:27,684 --> 00:13:29,152 Come on in here. 246 00:13:29,252 --> 00:13:31,354 You, you want me to... 247 00:13:31,454 --> 00:13:32,956 Yes, you. 248 00:13:35,425 --> 00:13:39,963 * Yes, I love you Oh, how I love you 249 00:13:45,402 --> 00:13:48,972 * Oh, oh Oh, how I love you * 250 00:13:52,009 --> 00:13:53,643 Maybe you can help me. 251 00:13:53,743 --> 00:13:55,345 Really? 252 00:13:55,445 --> 00:13:58,115 I don't want a man who is chiseled, and sculpted. 253 00:13:59,549 --> 00:14:02,252 I like soft and weak. 254 00:14:02,352 --> 00:14:03,553 You do? 255 00:14:03,653 --> 00:14:07,024 I want a man who is unemployed, 256 00:14:07,124 --> 00:14:09,859 and went to a community college. 257 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,195 I am! And I did! 258 00:14:12,295 --> 00:14:14,364 And you know what really turns me on? 259 00:14:14,464 --> 00:14:16,299 What? 260 00:14:16,399 --> 00:14:20,703 It's thinking about him in his tighty-whiteys, sitting at his computer 261 00:14:20,803 --> 00:14:23,740 and visiting different porn sites, and taking 262 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:27,877 the free tour, with no intention of ever joining. 263 00:14:27,978 --> 00:14:29,179 I don't have a credit card! 264 00:14:30,047 --> 00:14:31,314 Kiss my chest. 265 00:14:31,414 --> 00:14:32,882 Okay. 266 00:14:34,284 --> 00:14:36,053 Harder! 267 00:14:36,153 --> 00:14:37,387 -Bite me! -You sure? 268 00:14:37,487 --> 00:14:38,655 Harder! Bite me harder! 269 00:14:38,755 --> 00:14:41,024 (SCREAMING) 270 00:14:41,124 --> 00:14:44,161 -Get off of my titty, you doped-up cracker! -Huh? 271 00:14:46,663 --> 00:14:49,099 No more Spacecakes for you. 272 00:14:52,135 --> 00:14:56,573 Hey. I'm sorry about that, T.J. I must have gotten a contact buzz. 273 00:14:56,673 --> 00:14:58,841 What did I tell you about making me look gay? 274 00:14:58,942 --> 00:15:00,743 Not 10 minutes go by, and you got your sloppy mouth 275 00:15:00,843 --> 00:15:02,679 all over my breasteses. 276 00:15:02,779 --> 00:15:04,447 My nipple's ruined! 277 00:15:04,547 --> 00:15:06,449 You're lucky I was born with a spare. 278 00:15:09,686 --> 00:15:11,788 There go one of my hos. 279 00:15:11,888 --> 00:15:14,091 The old guy in the walker's one of your hos? 280 00:15:14,191 --> 00:15:17,594 Yeah. Why ain't his ancient ass out there makin' me my money? 281 00:15:17,694 --> 00:15:21,031 Kaiser! Get your old ass back in the booth! 282 00:15:21,131 --> 00:15:23,700 Deucey, meet me back at the float crib. 283 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:27,004 Bitches out here act like they never seen a pimp before. 284 00:15:27,104 --> 00:15:30,573 I raise my hand, they look at it like it's a goddamn croissant. 285 00:15:30,673 --> 00:15:34,077 Then, bam! Feel my pimp hand. 286 00:15:37,114 --> 00:15:38,448 Where's the boat? 287 00:15:52,029 --> 00:15:53,630 (LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) You scared me. 288 00:15:55,498 --> 00:15:59,402 Hey. Do you know who I am? I am Heinz Hummer. 289 00:15:59,502 --> 00:16:02,372 I'm the gigolo with the most below. Okay? 290 00:16:02,472 --> 00:16:05,242 I can give you a Filthy Lopez like you never had before. 291 00:16:05,342 --> 00:16:07,977 I could give you a Cambodian Creamsicle 292 00:16:08,078 --> 00:16:10,280 that will make you scream all night. Okay? 293 00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:14,217 But not now, 'cause I'm busy. So leave me alone, bitch. 294 00:16:14,317 --> 00:16:18,255 Ugh! Wait a second. Do I know you? 295 00:16:21,891 --> 00:16:28,598 New... Jizz... Wizz... Wer... Burger king... 296 00:16:29,866 --> 00:16:31,168 (MAN WHISTLING) 297 00:16:42,879 --> 00:16:44,181 Heinz. 298 00:16:51,254 --> 00:16:53,323 Man, are you wasted. 299 00:16:58,461 --> 00:17:00,097 I gotcha. 300 00:17:01,698 --> 00:17:03,666 Coming up next, more weather. 301 00:17:03,766 --> 00:17:05,602 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 302 00:17:05,702 --> 00:17:06,669 DEUCE: What's this? 303 00:17:08,871 --> 00:17:10,507 Hey, hey, Heinz, wake up. Check this out. 304 00:17:12,775 --> 00:17:13,743 Holy shit! 305 00:17:15,845 --> 00:17:19,582 Europe just got a little better. Whoo! 306 00:17:19,682 --> 00:17:23,120 Damn. That old Kaiser's got legs. 307 00:17:23,220 --> 00:17:25,088 You gotta keep your bitches in line. 308 00:17:25,188 --> 00:17:26,689 Yeah. 309 00:17:26,789 --> 00:17:27,924 What's he doin' here? 310 00:17:28,024 --> 00:17:29,726 I found him passed out in the alley. 311 00:17:29,826 --> 00:17:32,028 I couldn't just leave him there. 312 00:17:32,129 --> 00:17:33,863 I put in a good word for ya. 313 00:17:33,963 --> 00:17:36,099 Thanks, Deucey. Much appreciated. 314 00:17:36,933 --> 00:17:39,536 I knew you'd come around. 315 00:17:41,338 --> 00:17:44,474 Oh, shit. Heinz ain't passed out. Heinz is dead. 316 00:17:46,176 --> 00:17:48,478 No. He can't be. 317 00:17:49,312 --> 00:17:51,414 I'm tellin' you Heinz is dead. 318 00:17:51,514 --> 00:17:52,649 See for yourself! 319 00:17:58,488 --> 00:17:59,522 Watch this. 320 00:18:05,595 --> 00:18:06,763 Maybe he's just a heavy sleeper. 321 00:18:14,003 --> 00:18:16,139 I can't believe you brought a dead man-whore in my home. 322 00:18:16,239 --> 00:18:17,407 What were you thinkin'? 323 00:18:17,507 --> 00:18:19,209 I didn't know you could die from pot. 324 00:18:19,309 --> 00:18:21,244 This is no pot-related fatality. 325 00:18:21,344 --> 00:18:22,912 This is no ganja accident. 326 00:18:23,012 --> 00:18:24,881 This man was murdered. 327 00:18:27,684 --> 00:18:29,386 The Man-whore Killer did this? 328 00:18:32,455 --> 00:18:34,657 -We gotta call the police. -No, no, no! Hey, hey! 329 00:18:35,292 --> 00:18:36,659 Damn, white boy. 330 00:18:36,759 --> 00:18:39,061 You think the police gonna believe a stoned black pimp 331 00:18:39,162 --> 00:18:41,764 had nothin' to do with a dead prosti-dude in his float crib? 332 00:18:52,575 --> 00:18:54,777 Before I toss your dumb ass in the canal, 333 00:18:54,877 --> 00:18:57,247 I just wanna say, for the record, under T.J.'s management 334 00:18:57,347 --> 00:18:58,648 this would have never happened. 335 00:19:03,085 --> 00:19:05,522 I just gotta see what all the fuss was about. 336 00:19:11,027 --> 00:19:15,031 God damn! No wonder Delisha never came back. 337 00:19:15,131 --> 00:19:17,734 That shit's the real Loch Ness Monster. 338 00:19:19,902 --> 00:19:22,305 (CROWD EXCLAIMING) 339 00:19:24,474 --> 00:19:26,509 What the shit is this? 340 00:19:26,609 --> 00:19:28,845 What you lookin' at? Turn off them damn cameras! 341 00:19:29,646 --> 00:19:31,348 I ain't gay! 342 00:19:31,448 --> 00:19:33,082 I was only lookin' down his pants 'cause I heard his 343 00:19:33,182 --> 00:19:36,919 schlong was so big and juicy. Wait a minute, that didn't sound right. 344 00:19:38,255 --> 00:19:41,924 Gimme them damn cameras! Whoa! 345 00:19:42,024 --> 00:19:43,893 Where is he? 346 00:19:43,993 --> 00:19:46,896 MAN: (ON TV) We now interrupt Naked Seinfeld for this special report. 347 00:19:46,996 --> 00:19:49,366 The suspected Man-whore Killer has been spotted 348 00:19:49,466 --> 00:19:52,335 on the Prinsengracht Canal, attempting to dispose 349 00:19:52,435 --> 00:19:53,570 of his latest victim. 350 00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:55,605 -(GASPING) -I ain't gay! 351 00:19:55,705 --> 00:20:00,209 The suspected killer has been identified as Tiberius Jefferson Hicks. 352 00:20:00,310 --> 00:20:01,778 You idiot. 353 00:20:01,878 --> 00:20:03,513 He is still at large and extremely dangerous... 354 00:20:03,613 --> 00:20:06,683 -POLICEMAN: Hold it! -Hey! Hey, guys! How's it goin'? 355 00:20:06,783 --> 00:20:08,485 -GASPAR: Where is he? -I don't know. 356 00:20:11,354 --> 00:20:14,591 -Where is he? -I swear, I don't know. 357 00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:18,194 Your loyalty is impressive, sir. 358 00:20:18,295 --> 00:20:21,564 You've once been arrested for man-whoring, were you not? 359 00:20:21,664 --> 00:20:23,666 Look, I wasn't really man-whoring... 360 00:20:23,766 --> 00:20:27,970 Please, Mr. Bigalow. I've heard this a thousand times. 361 00:20:28,070 --> 00:20:30,273 You were cold. You were frightened. 362 00:20:30,373 --> 00:20:34,811 He took you under his arm and fed you. He made you feel sexy. 363 00:20:34,911 --> 00:20:38,214 He told you how to hide money in every orifice. 364 00:20:38,315 --> 00:20:41,851 But your friend is obviously a killer. 365 00:20:41,951 --> 00:20:44,186 T.J.'s not a killer. 366 00:20:44,287 --> 00:20:47,290 If he isn't a murderer, then what was he doing 367 00:20:47,390 --> 00:20:50,026 checking out a dead man's penis? 368 00:20:50,126 --> 00:20:55,131 I guess he was curious. He heard it was big and juicy 369 00:20:55,231 --> 00:20:58,501 and wanted to see for himself. 370 00:20:58,601 --> 00:21:00,303 Lot of guys do that. 371 00:21:02,472 --> 00:21:04,674 No. They don't. 372 00:21:07,076 --> 00:21:08,445 Okay. 373 00:21:09,412 --> 00:21:11,280 T.J.'s gay. 374 00:21:11,381 --> 00:21:16,819 -Really? -Not normal gay, but, ya know, crazy gay. 375 00:21:18,888 --> 00:21:20,690 Musical theater gay. 376 00:21:23,092 --> 00:21:28,431 Is that why he puts lipstick on all his victims? 377 00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:35,372 Wait a minute. In the alley, I heard someone whistling. 378 00:21:36,373 --> 00:21:40,810 And I saw someone. A woman... 379 00:21:42,879 --> 00:21:44,981 ...in a leopard coat. 380 00:21:46,282 --> 00:21:48,184 People see a lot of crazy things 381 00:21:48,284 --> 00:21:50,286 when they're high on spacecake. 382 00:21:50,387 --> 00:21:52,655 There's drugs in spacecake? 383 00:21:52,755 --> 00:21:56,793 Mr. Bigalow, I will find your pimp whether you help me or not. 384 00:21:56,893 --> 00:21:57,860 (DOOR CLOSES) 385 00:22:03,265 --> 00:22:04,701 T.J., thank God you're here. 386 00:22:04,801 --> 00:22:06,168 How'd you find me? 387 00:22:06,268 --> 00:22:07,904 It's the only chicken and waffles place in all of Holland. 388 00:22:08,004 --> 00:22:11,073 So a black man's gotta be at a chicken and waffles place? 389 00:22:11,173 --> 00:22:13,342 That's racist. 390 00:22:13,443 --> 00:22:16,613 -But you are here. -Yeah, but figuring it out is racist. 391 00:22:19,115 --> 00:22:20,383 It's a nice place. 392 00:22:20,483 --> 00:22:22,752 Did you know Holland invented chicken and waffles? 393 00:22:23,152 --> 00:22:24,754 Really? 394 00:22:24,854 --> 00:22:26,989 Before that you could only get chicken or waffles, 395 00:22:27,089 --> 00:22:30,560 but they were the first to put 'em together. 396 00:22:30,660 --> 00:22:32,595 Black people all over the world would be forever 397 00:22:32,695 --> 00:22:34,464 grateful to the Dutch for that. 398 00:22:34,564 --> 00:22:37,133 You do know the Dutch started the slave trade. 399 00:22:37,233 --> 00:22:38,901 Those motherfuckers! 400 00:22:44,106 --> 00:22:47,043 What? Who let 'em print this? 401 00:22:49,278 --> 00:22:51,481 We're gonna prove that you didn't kill anyone. 402 00:22:51,581 --> 00:22:53,115 I don't give a damn about that. 403 00:22:53,215 --> 00:22:55,284 It's the "extremely gay" part that's botherin' me. 404 00:22:55,384 --> 00:22:57,954 I mean, if I'm a murderer, they'll welcome me home with open arms. 405 00:22:58,054 --> 00:22:59,956 Get out of jail and become a huge rapper. 406 00:23:00,056 --> 00:23:02,759 But a gay pimp? Think where I'm goin'. Vermont? 407 00:23:02,859 --> 00:23:06,663 Look, T.J., I think I saw the real killer. 408 00:23:06,763 --> 00:23:07,830 It was a woman. 409 00:23:09,298 --> 00:23:11,300 Some She-John went on a he-bitch killin' spree 410 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,670 'cause she wasn't satisfied with a Filthy Lopez. 411 00:23:13,770 --> 00:23:14,837 What's a Filthy Lopez? 412 00:23:14,937 --> 00:23:16,473 40 bucks. Same as downtown. 413 00:23:16,573 --> 00:23:18,975 Look, all we got to do is find the She-Johns that went out with 414 00:23:19,075 --> 00:23:20,610 the dead gigolos. One of 'em is our killer. 415 00:23:20,710 --> 00:23:22,912 -Makes sense. -You gotta get back on the horse. 416 00:23:23,012 --> 00:23:24,146 Horse? What horse? 417 00:23:24,246 --> 00:23:25,782 The man-whore horse. 418 00:23:25,882 --> 00:23:27,617 We gonna use your tight, little white ass as bait. 419 00:23:27,717 --> 00:23:29,652 Bait? No, I'm not man-whoring. 420 00:23:29,752 --> 00:23:31,187 We're gonna find the killer using your twat-cicle. 421 00:23:32,321 --> 00:23:34,857 Twat-cicle? Gross. No. 422 00:23:38,628 --> 00:23:39,762 Give this to my mama. 423 00:23:41,163 --> 00:23:43,099 Tell her I'm sorry I was a disappointment to her. 424 00:23:43,199 --> 00:23:45,101 Tell her I'm sorry I called all her friends 425 00:23:45,201 --> 00:23:48,404 in the middle of the night when I was pleasurin' myself. 426 00:23:48,505 --> 00:23:51,574 And tell her she don't have to worry anymore about her baby. 427 00:23:53,910 --> 00:23:55,612 Even if I wanted to, 428 00:23:55,712 --> 00:23:58,247 how are we gonna find a dead gigolo's customers? 429 00:23:58,347 --> 00:24:00,783 T.J.: We'll go to the Man-whore Union. But we gotta be careful. 430 00:24:00,883 --> 00:24:01,818 They'll be lookin' for me. 431 00:24:04,954 --> 00:24:10,927 Meeting of the royal order of European man-whores is now in session. 432 00:24:11,027 --> 00:24:14,163 T.J.: These are the highest paid he-bitches in Europe. 433 00:24:14,263 --> 00:24:16,833 That. That's Rodrigo. He's from Spain. 434 00:24:16,933 --> 00:24:19,001 He can tie shoelaces with his tongue. 435 00:24:19,101 --> 00:24:21,137 -Ew. -That. That's Enzo. 436 00:24:21,237 --> 00:24:25,041 He's Italian. His nut sack is insured for a million dollars. 437 00:24:25,141 --> 00:24:26,776 DEUCE: That's 500 grand each. 438 00:24:26,876 --> 00:24:29,345 Check it out. That's Assapopulus from Greece. 439 00:24:29,445 --> 00:24:31,814 He can actually kiss you with his butthole. 440 00:24:33,082 --> 00:24:34,684 I'd like to never see that. 441 00:24:34,784 --> 00:24:38,187 I'd like to say a few words about our fallen comrade, 442 00:24:38,287 --> 00:24:40,222 -Heinz Hummer. -DEUCE: Who's the blonde guy? 443 00:24:40,322 --> 00:24:43,593 Chadsworth Buckingham. Comes from a long line of hos. 444 00:24:43,693 --> 00:24:47,029 His great-great-great grandmother gave Henry VIII crabs. 445 00:24:47,129 --> 00:24:50,567 But I know Heinz would like to be remembered for most 446 00:24:50,667 --> 00:24:52,501 was being a male prostitute. 447 00:24:52,602 --> 00:24:53,636 ALL: Hear, hear. 448 00:24:53,736 --> 00:24:56,138 He was also a supercilious cunt. 449 00:24:57,607 --> 00:24:59,508 -Who's that guy? -Gian-Carlo. 450 00:24:59,609 --> 00:25:01,377 Silverback he-bitch. 451 00:25:01,477 --> 00:25:04,146 Heinz Hummer was undercutting all of us. 452 00:25:04,246 --> 00:25:05,848 (CROWD JEERING) 453 00:25:05,948 --> 00:25:08,918 Yes. He was charging the same price for straight sex 454 00:25:09,018 --> 00:25:11,487 as he was for a Turkish Snow Cone. 455 00:25:11,588 --> 00:25:13,189 (CROWD MURMURING) 456 00:25:13,289 --> 00:25:18,294 Oh, yes. He was also charging the same price for a Belgian Steamer 457 00:25:18,394 --> 00:25:21,698 as he was for a Portuguese Breakfast. 458 00:25:21,798 --> 00:25:22,865 (CROWD MURMURING) 459 00:25:22,965 --> 00:25:26,502 As we sow, so shall we reap. 460 00:25:26,603 --> 00:25:29,839 Thank you, Gian-Carlo, for those kind words. 461 00:25:29,939 --> 00:25:31,908 Until this insane killer is apprehended, 462 00:25:32,008 --> 00:25:35,511 the union is going to institute a new security measure. 463 00:25:35,612 --> 00:25:39,248 This ring locks snugly over your va-guy-na 464 00:25:39,348 --> 00:25:43,319 and then communicates directly with a global satellite system. 465 00:25:43,419 --> 00:25:48,024 There are rings of all sizes are available, smaller for our Asian members. 466 00:25:48,124 --> 00:25:52,829 Y'all know me. My name is McManus. 467 00:25:52,929 --> 00:25:57,634 I joined this union some 20-odd years ago for two reasons. 468 00:25:57,734 --> 00:26:00,737 To have intercourse in exchange for cash, 469 00:26:00,837 --> 00:26:03,572 and two, to protect my rights as a man-whore. 470 00:26:03,973 --> 00:26:05,742 But 471 00:26:05,842 --> 00:26:11,914 three years ago, when this union told we man-whores 472 00:26:12,014 --> 00:26:16,719 that we were to stop having intercourse with underage girls, 473 00:26:16,819 --> 00:26:21,590 I strongly disagreed. But I did not stand up. 474 00:26:21,691 --> 00:26:25,094 I'm ashamed to say, I stood down! 475 00:26:25,194 --> 00:26:30,967 And then three months later, this union told we man-whores 476 00:26:31,067 --> 00:26:36,372 that we were to begin washin' our private areas between customers. 477 00:26:36,472 --> 00:26:40,076 Our private areas. 478 00:26:40,176 --> 00:26:44,280 And once again, I'm ashamed to report to you gentlemen, 479 00:26:44,380 --> 00:26:46,649 I stood down! 480 00:26:46,749 --> 00:26:51,921 But now, sir, for what am I to tell my eight-year-old boy 481 00:26:52,021 --> 00:26:58,294 when he comes to me, and he says, "Daddy. Daddy. What's that thing 482 00:26:58,394 --> 00:27:01,664 "hanging off of your he-pussy?" 483 00:27:02,498 --> 00:27:04,667 How am I to tell him, sir? 484 00:27:04,767 --> 00:27:06,202 (CROWD CHEERING) 485 00:27:11,207 --> 00:27:13,810 Deucey, you can do this. 486 00:27:13,910 --> 00:27:18,748 Due to high demand, each member will be only allowed two tickets 487 00:27:18,848 --> 00:27:22,551 -to this year's Man-whore Awards. -How's it goin'? 488 00:27:22,651 --> 00:27:27,256 I'm Deuce Bigalow. I'm a gigolo from America. 489 00:27:27,356 --> 00:27:30,426 My friend Tiberius Jefferson is not the Man-whore Killer. 490 00:27:30,526 --> 00:27:33,129 MAN: Homo! 491 00:27:33,229 --> 00:27:38,768 Now, I'm convinced that the real killer is a She-John. 492 00:27:40,937 --> 00:27:43,172 Which means any one of you could be next. 493 00:27:44,941 --> 00:27:47,276 Now, there are a couple hundred gigolos in this room. 494 00:27:47,376 --> 00:27:51,848 Now, if we all work together, we can find out who the real killer is. 495 00:27:53,916 --> 00:27:55,317 What do you say? 496 00:27:55,417 --> 00:27:57,186 (SCREAMING) 497 00:28:02,591 --> 00:28:04,226 How come you didn't tell 'em I wasn't gay? 498 00:28:04,326 --> 00:28:06,462 Did you not just see me get thrown through a window? 499 00:28:07,864 --> 00:28:09,665 -What do we do now? -T.J. has an old friend 500 00:28:09,766 --> 00:28:11,667 who just might be able to help us out. 501 00:28:11,768 --> 00:28:13,102 Come on. Watch your step. 502 00:28:15,671 --> 00:28:17,206 HOST: Right this way, please. 503 00:28:18,274 --> 00:28:19,708 ANTOINE: Deuce! 504 00:28:21,811 --> 00:28:23,846 Antoine? 505 00:28:23,946 --> 00:28:27,249 -Sit down. -It's good to see ya. It's been a long time. 506 00:28:27,984 --> 00:28:29,285 Ah! (GASPS) 507 00:28:33,355 --> 00:28:36,458 This is the list from the Man-whore Union. 508 00:28:36,558 --> 00:28:40,062 It's got all the clients that went out with the dead gigolos. 509 00:28:40,462 --> 00:28:42,064 Awesome. 510 00:28:46,002 --> 00:28:49,538 Please be quiet. I went through a great deal of trouble to get this. 511 00:28:49,638 --> 00:28:51,640 Sorry. 512 00:28:51,740 --> 00:28:54,676 Now, if you want to compete with the European man-whores, 513 00:28:54,777 --> 00:28:58,447 you need to learn how to really please a woman. 514 00:28:58,547 --> 00:29:00,216 I should write some of this down. 515 00:29:00,316 --> 00:29:04,453 Go ahead. You must be able to pleasure a woman with... 516 00:29:06,388 --> 00:29:09,926 -...with your... -Pleasure her with... 517 00:29:10,893 --> 00:29:11,961 Oh. 518 00:29:13,362 --> 00:29:14,330 (ANTOINE GURGLING) 519 00:29:14,430 --> 00:29:15,865 Do you want me to try? 520 00:29:15,965 --> 00:29:17,900 (GAGGING) 521 00:29:20,636 --> 00:29:24,173 -Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh! -Ah, ah, ah. 522 00:29:25,041 --> 00:29:27,309 All right. Ah! Ah! Ah! 523 00:29:27,409 --> 00:29:28,777 Women really like that? 524 00:29:40,056 --> 00:29:41,323 Man-whore down! 525 00:29:42,124 --> 00:29:43,325 (LAUGHING) 526 00:29:46,162 --> 00:29:48,130 Get the list. It's in his pants. 527 00:29:48,230 --> 00:29:49,631 All right. 528 00:29:49,731 --> 00:29:50,967 I think I got it. 529 00:29:56,939 --> 00:29:59,008 Can't a brother stick his hand down another man's pants 530 00:29:59,108 --> 00:30:01,010 without settin' off the faggot alarm? 531 00:30:03,913 --> 00:30:06,248 DEUCE: This Marlene Alsmere. She went out with Diego and Heinz. 532 00:30:06,348 --> 00:30:07,984 What am I gonna do if she tries to kill me? 533 00:30:08,084 --> 00:30:09,986 You distract her with your magic she-nis. 534 00:30:10,086 --> 00:30:13,355 I'll look for evidence. The lipstick and the leopard coat. 535 00:30:14,556 --> 00:30:15,491 (DOORBELL RINGING) 536 00:30:18,127 --> 00:30:22,264 All right. Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow. Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow. 537 00:30:22,364 --> 00:30:25,834 Hi, I'm Deuce biggest lady I've ever seen. 538 00:30:25,935 --> 00:30:27,136 Ah! 539 00:30:27,236 --> 00:30:28,504 T.J.: That's a huge bitch! 540 00:30:32,574 --> 00:30:34,243 Hi. 541 00:30:37,179 --> 00:30:38,714 Cute kids. Are they yours? 542 00:30:38,814 --> 00:30:41,283 Those pictures, they come with the frames. 543 00:30:41,383 --> 00:30:43,685 I'm unable to have children. 544 00:30:43,785 --> 00:30:46,422 I'm so sorry. That must be very hard for you. 545 00:30:56,132 --> 00:30:59,535 Evidence. Mmm-hmm. 546 00:31:01,737 --> 00:31:03,572 That big ho got food everywhere. 547 00:31:05,141 --> 00:31:08,744 You are a nice man. Now, take off your clothes. 548 00:31:08,844 --> 00:31:11,447 Don't you wanna talk a little more? You seem very interesting. 549 00:31:12,414 --> 00:31:13,615 Take them off! 550 00:31:16,352 --> 00:31:17,954 Hmm. "Dutch Bride." 551 00:31:41,177 --> 00:31:45,948 Baby, walk to Mommy. Come, come. 552 00:31:46,548 --> 00:31:48,684 No! Like baby! 553 00:31:48,784 --> 00:31:51,220 Baby, walk to Mommy. 554 00:31:54,423 --> 00:31:56,425 Good baby. 555 00:32:01,830 --> 00:32:03,565 Come to Mommy! 556 00:32:07,336 --> 00:32:08,337 Oopsie. 557 00:32:09,805 --> 00:32:13,142 Oh, baby hungry? Want booby? 558 00:32:15,277 --> 00:32:17,213 Baby never eat again. 559 00:32:29,558 --> 00:32:32,094 You like them big hairy balls, don't ya? 560 00:32:33,595 --> 00:32:34,596 (MEOWING) 561 00:32:34,696 --> 00:32:36,065 (SCREAMING) 562 00:32:47,743 --> 00:32:50,012 Bad pussy! Bad pussy! 563 00:32:54,183 --> 00:32:56,752 Hold it! Hold it right there. 564 00:32:56,852 --> 00:32:58,720 Is this truck full of marijuana? 565 00:32:58,820 --> 00:33:02,358 Is this truck full of marijuana? Can't you read the sign? 566 00:33:02,458 --> 00:33:05,927 No unloading pot in the red zone! 567 00:33:06,028 --> 00:33:09,465 -Write him up. -But, sir, it's my daughter's birthday. 568 00:33:09,565 --> 00:33:11,400 -She's turning 13. -Inspector. 569 00:33:11,500 --> 00:33:13,535 -What? Oh, God. -MAN: We need all this pot for the party. 570 00:33:13,635 --> 00:33:16,905 Inspector. I got these lipsticks from Marlene Alsmere. 571 00:33:17,005 --> 00:33:19,441 She was a customer of Heinz Hummer. She's big and strong. 572 00:33:19,541 --> 00:33:20,576 She could easily be the killer. 573 00:33:20,676 --> 00:33:23,579 The lipstick the killer uses is a very rare one. 574 00:33:23,679 --> 00:33:28,550 Shimmer Lavender Love number 66. Discontinued in 1984. 575 00:33:29,851 --> 00:33:32,121 But, but... 576 00:33:32,221 --> 00:33:35,691 Sir, I also have a list of the women who went out with the murdered gigolos. 577 00:33:35,791 --> 00:33:37,659 -Will you stop doin' that? -Will you stop playing 578 00:33:37,759 --> 00:33:39,795 these games and tell me where T.J.'s hiding? 579 00:33:39,895 --> 00:33:43,565 -T.J.'s innocent. -Oh, don't make me laugh. "T.J.'s innocent." 580 00:33:45,267 --> 00:33:47,536 Uncle! You forgot your lunch. 581 00:33:47,636 --> 00:33:49,571 Ah! That's very nice. Thanks. 582 00:33:50,472 --> 00:33:51,440 (SNEEZING) 583 00:33:55,744 --> 00:33:58,280 Let me, let me help you with that. 584 00:33:58,380 --> 00:33:59,581 Thank you. 585 00:34:01,717 --> 00:34:03,619 Excuse me for askin', 586 00:34:03,719 --> 00:34:05,587 but why did you slap yourself like that? 587 00:34:07,689 --> 00:34:09,158 Promise you won't laugh? 588 00:34:09,825 --> 00:34:11,059 I promise. 589 00:34:12,628 --> 00:34:17,466 Uh, I, I have obsessive compulsive disorder. 590 00:34:17,566 --> 00:34:21,437 I have these little rituals that I can't help doing. 591 00:34:21,537 --> 00:34:25,141 I can't touch doorknobs, I snap my fingers when I see a bus. 592 00:34:25,241 --> 00:34:28,043 And when someone sneezes, I slap myself three times. 593 00:34:28,144 --> 00:34:30,279 I've heard of that. That's not so bad. 594 00:34:30,379 --> 00:34:32,714 -(BICYCLE BELL DINGING) -Ow! 595 00:34:32,814 --> 00:34:35,251 I'm, I'm, I'm sorry. Bells make me do that. 596 00:34:36,252 --> 00:34:37,719 It got me kicked out of school. 597 00:34:37,819 --> 00:34:40,589 It's okay. Everyone's got a few weird habits. 598 00:34:40,689 --> 00:34:44,226 Actually, I've got about 130. 599 00:34:45,594 --> 00:34:46,795 So you're above average. 600 00:34:47,763 --> 00:34:48,764 I mean... 601 00:34:48,864 --> 00:34:49,865 I'm Deuce. 602 00:34:51,367 --> 00:34:52,634 I'm Eva. 603 00:34:54,236 --> 00:34:55,837 Is that a Sudanese sweetlips? 604 00:34:55,937 --> 00:34:56,972 How did you know? 605 00:34:57,072 --> 00:34:59,675 It's, like, my top five favorite fish. 606 00:34:59,775 --> 00:35:02,544 They have one here at the aquarium. 607 00:35:02,644 --> 00:35:03,879 DEUCE: I heard this place is incredible. 608 00:35:08,350 --> 00:35:10,286 It's the doorknob? 609 00:35:12,421 --> 00:35:14,290 I'll get it. Okay. 610 00:35:15,324 --> 00:35:17,359 Oh, thanks. Oh, thank you. 611 00:35:18,627 --> 00:35:19,861 He's beautiful. 612 00:35:20,762 --> 00:35:22,631 That's really good. 613 00:35:22,731 --> 00:35:24,266 Thank you. 614 00:35:36,645 --> 00:35:41,650 Excuse me, but in America they don't allow smoking in aquariums. 615 00:35:41,750 --> 00:35:45,187 Ah. Well, in Europe, we don't unilaterally attack 616 00:35:45,287 --> 00:35:47,155 a country just to steal their oil. 617 00:35:48,290 --> 00:35:50,192 What? 618 00:35:50,292 --> 00:35:54,763 "What?" Did I offend you? Are you going to shock and awe me? 619 00:35:54,863 --> 00:35:57,699 Maybe you should check my pockets for weapons of mass destruction! 620 00:35:57,799 --> 00:35:59,134 What are you talking about? 621 00:35:59,235 --> 00:36:00,436 I just asked you to put your cigarette out. 622 00:36:00,536 --> 00:36:01,903 And then what is next? 623 00:36:02,003 --> 00:36:04,573 Take wine away from my children? 624 00:36:04,673 --> 00:36:07,409 I put out this cigarette. God bless America. 625 00:36:10,812 --> 00:36:13,282 The nicotine in that cigarette is poisonous. 626 00:36:13,382 --> 00:36:16,485 -So they say. -It could kill every fish in that tank! 627 00:36:16,585 --> 00:36:17,919 Poor little fishy. 628 00:36:20,922 --> 00:36:23,725 Hey. Why are you with that loser? 629 00:36:34,336 --> 00:36:35,837 You have a nice ass. 630 00:36:39,708 --> 00:36:41,810 I think this belongs to you. 631 00:36:41,910 --> 00:36:43,479 Merci beaucoup. 632 00:36:45,447 --> 00:36:46,448 (GASPS) 633 00:36:47,949 --> 00:36:49,918 DEUCE: You dick! 634 00:36:50,018 --> 00:36:52,288 I would like to take you from behind. 635 00:36:56,292 --> 00:37:01,363 My penis is uncircumcised. No head. 636 00:37:02,598 --> 00:37:03,965 It's like a torpedo. 637 00:37:05,367 --> 00:37:06,368 You pig! 638 00:37:06,468 --> 00:37:09,671 Oh! Are you tired of swimming? 639 00:37:09,771 --> 00:37:12,240 Did the little fishies not want to play with you? 640 00:37:24,019 --> 00:37:25,754 MAN: Fuck off, ya Yank! 641 00:37:29,358 --> 00:37:31,360 I'm only staying with my uncle for the summer 642 00:37:31,460 --> 00:37:33,829 and then I go back to art school in Brussels. 643 00:37:33,929 --> 00:37:35,531 Could I take you out for coffee sometime? 644 00:37:36,465 --> 00:37:37,666 You mean, like a date? 645 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:39,968 Well, yeah. 646 00:37:40,068 --> 00:37:41,770 -(SIREN WAILING) -(EVA SCREAMING) 647 00:37:44,673 --> 00:37:46,942 Oh, the, the siren. 648 00:37:48,844 --> 00:37:51,447 Right. Right. Siren. 649 00:37:51,547 --> 00:37:54,149 Before I can go on a date, I have to collect 650 00:37:54,249 --> 00:37:56,918 five different-colored tulips, eat two herring 651 00:37:57,018 --> 00:37:58,887 and drink a beer from a wooden shoe. 652 00:37:59,988 --> 00:38:01,357 Well, that sounds doable. 653 00:38:05,260 --> 00:38:07,028 (ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYING) 654 00:38:07,128 --> 00:38:08,730 What is it? 655 00:38:12,368 --> 00:38:13,969 -The accordion player? -Mmm-hmm. 656 00:38:17,639 --> 00:38:18,807 Whoo! 657 00:38:19,441 --> 00:38:21,343 Whoo! Whoo! 658 00:38:21,443 --> 00:38:23,345 The Smelly Finger dance. 659 00:38:23,445 --> 00:38:24,913 (ALL CLAPPING) 660 00:38:27,949 --> 00:38:29,017 (INAUDIBLE) 661 00:38:29,117 --> 00:38:30,352 (CAR HORN HONKING) 662 00:38:33,889 --> 00:38:38,193 Hey guys, I need a quick gigolo fix, what do you say? 663 00:38:38,293 --> 00:38:41,797 Uh, I'm judging a sandcastle building competition this afternoon, 664 00:38:41,897 --> 00:38:43,331 so, I can't help you. 665 00:38:44,165 --> 00:38:47,469 Um, the dog ate my penis. 666 00:38:51,106 --> 00:38:53,008 You don't have to walk me any further. 667 00:38:53,108 --> 00:38:54,443 I just work over there. 668 00:38:54,543 --> 00:38:57,312 -I don't mind. -I'm kind of embarrassed of my job. 669 00:38:57,413 --> 00:39:00,416 I'm kind of embarrassed of my job too. What do you do? 670 00:39:01,683 --> 00:39:03,685 Bye, Deuce. 671 00:39:03,785 --> 00:39:08,089 Well, well, well. If it isn't Deuce Not-So-Big-Below. 672 00:39:08,189 --> 00:39:09,558 (CACKLING) 673 00:39:11,827 --> 00:39:13,061 It's Bigalow. 674 00:39:13,161 --> 00:39:15,531 What's your going rate, douche? 675 00:39:15,631 --> 00:39:18,500 Well, I was getting $10. 676 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,869 Ooh! 677 00:39:20,969 --> 00:39:25,106 Okay, gigolo. Do you even know when a woman is having an orgasm? 678 00:39:25,206 --> 00:39:27,676 Sure I know. It's when she says, 679 00:39:27,776 --> 00:39:33,949 "Please stop. It's okay. You tried. Now, get off me." 680 00:39:34,049 --> 00:39:35,651 (LAUGHING) 681 00:39:38,420 --> 00:39:41,523 I bet he doesn't even know how to give a Sneaky Castro. 682 00:39:41,623 --> 00:39:45,594 Well, that depends. If she wants it regular sneaky or extra sneaky. 683 00:39:45,694 --> 00:39:48,029 There is no such thing as an Extra Sneaky Castro. 684 00:39:50,532 --> 00:39:51,967 Is there? 685 00:39:54,970 --> 00:39:59,741 It's pretty convenient, your friend killing off all the competition. 686 00:39:59,841 --> 00:40:02,911 I've got my eye on you, Small-Below. 687 00:40:03,011 --> 00:40:04,412 (LAUGHING) Small-Below. 688 00:40:07,115 --> 00:40:08,684 (BUZZING) 689 00:40:09,618 --> 00:40:11,019 LILY: I'll be right down. 690 00:40:17,493 --> 00:40:19,928 Okay. 691 00:40:20,028 --> 00:40:23,499 This is the woman that went out with Heinz the night before he was murdered. 692 00:40:23,599 --> 00:40:24,633 (WHIRRING) 693 00:40:26,868 --> 00:40:29,971 Don't worry about it, Sherlock Ho. I ain't gonna let you out of my sight. 694 00:40:34,409 --> 00:40:36,945 Hi, you must be Lily. I'm Deuce. 695 00:40:37,045 --> 00:40:38,647 (ROBOTIC VOICE) Nice to meet you. 696 00:40:41,182 --> 00:40:42,984 (ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYING) 697 00:40:49,190 --> 00:40:51,993 Huh, would you like some bread? 698 00:40:52,093 --> 00:40:54,429 Oh, I can't have bread. 699 00:40:54,530 --> 00:40:58,534 It makes my esophageal lining swell up and could block my throat hole. 700 00:41:00,602 --> 00:41:01,770 Excuse me for a second. 701 00:41:01,870 --> 00:41:02,871 Sure. 702 00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:06,642 (AMPLIFIED NOSE BLOWING) 703 00:41:09,277 --> 00:41:13,048 -Pardon me. I had to clear. -Yeah. 704 00:41:15,316 --> 00:41:17,753 -So, what do you do? -I just got fired. 705 00:41:17,853 --> 00:41:20,455 -I'm sorry. -I was a phone-sex operator. 706 00:41:20,556 --> 00:41:22,658 (DEVICE SCRAMBLING) 707 00:41:22,758 --> 00:41:27,729 I only lasted a week. They were jealous of me. 708 00:41:27,829 --> 00:41:30,666 I heard that Heinz Hummer had a bit of a jealous streak. 709 00:41:30,766 --> 00:41:32,734 I bet you're glad he's dead. 710 00:41:32,834 --> 00:41:37,939 Heinz was the most gentle man I ever knew. 711 00:41:38,039 --> 00:41:41,209 I miss him and his man-gina. 712 00:41:41,309 --> 00:41:43,011 (DEVICE SCRAMBLING) 713 00:41:43,945 --> 00:41:45,046 MAN 1: I can't take it anymore! 714 00:41:46,982 --> 00:41:50,051 Oh. I'm sorry. I can see that you really liked Heinz. 715 00:41:51,853 --> 00:41:53,054 Here, let me get that for you. 716 00:41:53,154 --> 00:41:54,690 Thanks. 717 00:42:01,730 --> 00:42:02,664 WOMAN: Let's go. 718 00:42:02,764 --> 00:42:04,432 MAN 2: I think I'm gonna puke! 719 00:42:04,532 --> 00:42:07,869 I started smoking again when I lost my job. 720 00:42:07,969 --> 00:42:10,005 If I don't find another one pretty soon, 721 00:42:10,105 --> 00:42:11,773 I'm gonna lose my house. 722 00:42:11,873 --> 00:42:13,541 Well, we'll just have to find you a new one. 723 00:42:15,243 --> 00:42:18,179 -Relax. Have some wine. -Thanks. 724 00:42:22,984 --> 00:42:25,186 Oh! Oh! Oh! 725 00:42:25,987 --> 00:42:27,022 Oh! 726 00:42:28,389 --> 00:42:30,058 (YELLING) 727 00:42:32,027 --> 00:42:34,663 I don't normally drink red wine, so... 728 00:42:34,763 --> 00:42:36,131 (CHUCKLING) Oh! 729 00:42:36,231 --> 00:42:37,733 (LAUGHING) I have hiccups! 730 00:42:38,667 --> 00:42:40,669 (LAUGHING UNCOMFORTABLY) 731 00:42:40,769 --> 00:42:43,571 -Go down the wrong hole, I think. -Check, please. 732 00:42:45,373 --> 00:42:47,142 Deuce, 733 00:42:47,242 --> 00:42:49,044 I can't thank you enough. 734 00:42:49,144 --> 00:42:50,145 It's good for you. 735 00:42:50,245 --> 00:42:51,379 It's good for them. 736 00:42:51,479 --> 00:42:52,714 I'm just glad it worked out. 737 00:42:54,750 --> 00:42:58,153 -I'd better get to work. -I'll be hearin' from ya. 738 00:43:02,223 --> 00:43:06,594 LILY: (ON PA) The white zone is for loading and unloading of vehicles only. 739 00:43:06,695 --> 00:43:09,097 There is no parking in the white zone. 740 00:43:09,197 --> 00:43:13,601 Thanks, Deuce. I had fun last night. The white zone... 741 00:43:15,003 --> 00:43:17,172 I am Rodrigo Bollas de Madera. 742 00:43:18,874 --> 00:43:22,944 I am here for my 12:30 ass-hair bleaching. 743 00:43:23,044 --> 00:43:24,646 Okay. How blond do you wanna go? 744 00:43:26,514 --> 00:43:27,849 Gwyneth. 745 00:43:28,449 --> 00:43:29,818 Good choice. 746 00:43:41,596 --> 00:43:46,768 Oh, hey. I got a real Janeane Garofalo situation back there, so go for it. 747 00:43:53,074 --> 00:43:57,846 So, Enzo. Got any She-Johns lined up for tonight? 748 00:43:57,946 --> 00:44:01,717 Well, I did a Chili Rainbow last night so... I'm exhausted. 749 00:44:01,817 --> 00:44:05,120 What about you, Assapopulus? 750 00:44:05,220 --> 00:44:08,456 I've got the herpes, so, what are you gonna do? 751 00:44:08,556 --> 00:44:10,291 (LAUGHTER) 752 00:44:11,026 --> 00:44:12,393 Liar! 753 00:44:12,493 --> 00:44:13,695 -Mahmoud! -Huh? 754 00:44:13,795 --> 00:44:14,896 What's your excuse? 755 00:44:15,563 --> 00:44:18,934 I just realized I'm gay. 756 00:44:20,736 --> 00:44:22,804 Any of you guys want a blowjob? 757 00:44:25,306 --> 00:44:26,441 I do! 758 00:44:28,443 --> 00:44:33,815 Well, okay, then. I'd better go put that penis in my mouth. 759 00:44:34,883 --> 00:44:37,118 You're all afraid of the Man-whore Killer! 760 00:44:37,218 --> 00:44:38,787 ALL: No, we're not! 761 00:44:38,887 --> 00:44:40,355 -(GUNSHOT) -Get down! 762 00:44:40,455 --> 00:44:42,157 I don't wanna die! 763 00:44:42,257 --> 00:44:45,126 You really should find a better hiding place. 764 00:44:46,261 --> 00:44:47,763 Oh, you haven't heard? 765 00:44:48,529 --> 00:44:50,766 Rodrigo's been killed. 766 00:44:50,866 --> 00:44:53,468 -No! -ASSAPOPULUS: Oh, my God! Why? 767 00:44:53,568 --> 00:44:55,170 He was just having his ass hair bleached! 768 00:44:55,270 --> 00:44:57,505 He got much more than that, I can assure you. 769 00:44:57,605 --> 00:44:58,840 Bonne chance. 770 00:45:01,176 --> 00:45:04,012 GASPER: (ON TV) Ladies and gentlemen, very happy that Scotland Yard 771 00:45:04,112 --> 00:45:08,349 has now joined the search for the gay killer, Tiberius Jefferson. 772 00:45:08,449 --> 00:45:09,818 Thank you very much. 773 00:45:11,086 --> 00:45:14,489 So how about this next one? Svetlana Revenko. 774 00:45:14,589 --> 00:45:17,258 The Russian women are a little freaky down below. 775 00:45:17,358 --> 00:45:20,996 Hair start in the front, don't end till it get to the back. 776 00:45:21,096 --> 00:45:23,098 So if you gotta give a little mouth-to-south, 777 00:45:23,198 --> 00:45:24,900 put a clothespin on your nose. 778 00:45:25,801 --> 00:45:27,202 I'll keep that in mind. 779 00:45:29,838 --> 00:45:31,739 Wish me luck. 780 00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:34,742 Garcon. You mind changin' that to The Weather Channel? 781 00:45:35,510 --> 00:45:37,612 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 782 00:45:37,712 --> 00:45:39,080 T.J.: It's gonna be cold tomorrow. 783 00:45:41,817 --> 00:45:44,085 I have been waiting for you, Mr. Bigalow. 784 00:45:48,589 --> 00:45:52,527 Aren't you afraid to work with the Man-whore Killer on the loose? 785 00:45:52,627 --> 00:45:53,962 What do you know about it? 786 00:45:54,062 --> 00:45:57,565 Apparently, there's some maniac who's killing them all. 787 00:45:57,665 --> 00:46:00,201 Some people say they deserve it. What do you think? 788 00:46:00,301 --> 00:46:04,139 I think everything happens for reason. 789 00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:07,042 You're probably wondering why I'm wearing this veil. 790 00:46:07,142 --> 00:46:10,846 I wasn't. But if you want to talk about it, cool. 791 00:46:10,946 --> 00:46:16,284 -I grew up in Chernobyl. -Chernobyl. Huh. What a pretty name. 792 00:46:16,384 --> 00:46:20,822 My mother, she work in nuclear reactor when she was pregnant with me. 793 00:46:21,689 --> 00:46:23,959 Instead of a nose... 794 00:46:24,059 --> 00:46:26,294 ...I was born with an appendage on my face. 795 00:46:27,595 --> 00:46:29,330 A male appendage. 796 00:46:32,633 --> 00:46:35,003 No shit! 797 00:46:35,103 --> 00:46:39,440 I have always been a little self-conscious about it. 798 00:46:39,540 --> 00:46:41,943 Well you shouldn't, I mean... 799 00:46:42,043 --> 00:46:45,380 ...a lot of women would love to have a guy's dick 800 00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:47,382 on their face. 801 00:46:47,482 --> 00:46:49,350 Yours is just permanent. 802 00:46:51,719 --> 00:46:54,089 You are sweet... 803 00:46:54,189 --> 00:46:56,091 ...and very handsome for an American. 804 00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:00,228 Hmm. 805 00:47:00,328 --> 00:47:01,596 I like you. 806 00:47:06,067 --> 00:47:07,102 (GIGGLING) 807 00:47:09,704 --> 00:47:12,240 I would love to hear some Latin music! 808 00:47:13,174 --> 00:47:14,375 I'll see if the penis knows any. 809 00:47:16,544 --> 00:47:21,182 I mean, the pianist! Uh, the guy playing the piano! 810 00:47:21,282 --> 00:47:22,617 (MUSIC PLAYING) 811 00:47:22,717 --> 00:47:26,154 Oh! The band has started. Aren't we lucky? 812 00:47:27,388 --> 00:47:28,423 Whoa! 813 00:47:29,057 --> 00:47:31,026 (BAND PLAYING) 814 00:47:46,141 --> 00:47:48,143 Damn, no lipstick! 815 00:47:48,243 --> 00:47:49,911 You smell nice. What is it? 816 00:47:50,011 --> 00:47:52,013 It's Old Nice. 817 00:47:52,113 --> 00:47:54,815 It's a knockoff of Old Spice. 818 00:47:54,916 --> 00:47:59,187 I like it, but, I think it makes me sneeze. 819 00:47:59,287 --> 00:48:00,621 What happens when you sneeze? 820 00:48:01,422 --> 00:48:03,558 (SNEEZING) 821 00:48:03,658 --> 00:48:06,061 -Oh, Jesus! I'm sorry! -(SNEEZING) 822 00:48:06,161 --> 00:48:09,564 Oh, good Lord! Now's a good time to turn. 823 00:48:11,266 --> 00:48:13,068 -(SNEEZING) -Oh! 824 00:48:21,309 --> 00:48:22,443 Hi! 825 00:48:22,543 --> 00:48:24,345 * Here comes your man 826 00:48:26,447 --> 00:48:28,283 * Here comes your man 827 00:48:30,251 --> 00:48:32,453 * Here comes your man 828 00:48:34,956 --> 00:48:36,958 How long are you going to be staying in Holland? 829 00:48:37,058 --> 00:48:39,694 Only until I can prove my friend T.J.'s innocent. 830 00:48:39,794 --> 00:48:41,929 Is there someone waiting for you back home? 831 00:48:43,264 --> 00:48:44,699 It's kind of hard to explain. 832 00:48:46,034 --> 00:48:47,268 Would you like to meet her? 833 00:48:48,436 --> 00:48:50,171 She's here in Amsterdam? 834 00:48:51,206 --> 00:48:52,307 It's my wife. 835 00:48:55,110 --> 00:48:57,178 I got her right here in my duffel bag. 836 00:49:02,950 --> 00:49:06,654 Kate, this is my new friend, Eva. 837 00:49:06,754 --> 00:49:09,757 She passed away a couple years ago, and... 838 00:49:09,857 --> 00:49:11,526 ...it's all I have left of her, and I... 839 00:49:17,398 --> 00:49:23,504 Nice to meet you. She was very lucky to have someone so devoted to her. 840 00:49:26,107 --> 00:49:28,076 * Here comes your man 841 00:49:29,910 --> 00:49:33,814 * Here comes your man 842 00:49:33,914 --> 00:49:36,251 * Here comes your man... 843 00:49:41,189 --> 00:49:43,558 DEUCE: Hey, uh, can I see you when you get off work? 844 00:49:43,658 --> 00:49:46,994 Oh, you know, I'd really love to, but I'm going to be so tired. 845 00:49:47,695 --> 00:49:49,430 -Bye! -Okay... 846 00:50:02,210 --> 00:50:05,012 Eva! Eva! 847 00:50:05,113 --> 00:50:07,515 Did you just kiss me nine times because you're OCD? 848 00:50:07,615 --> 00:50:10,285 (GIGGLING) No. It's because I like you. 849 00:50:11,219 --> 00:50:12,787 Oh... 850 00:50:12,887 --> 00:50:14,355 Excuse us, coming through. 851 00:50:17,192 --> 00:50:19,494 Uh, what are they doing in there, anyway? 852 00:50:20,661 --> 00:50:22,430 They're making a movie. 853 00:50:22,530 --> 00:50:24,799 Cool. What kind of movie? 854 00:50:24,899 --> 00:50:27,102 (WOMAN MOANING) 855 00:50:27,468 --> 00:50:28,703 Oh... 856 00:50:30,338 --> 00:50:33,040 -I better get to work. -Okay. 857 00:50:33,141 --> 00:50:36,411 In there? You work in there? 858 00:50:36,511 --> 00:50:39,514 -Yeah. Well... -Hi, Eva. Great work yesterday! 859 00:50:39,614 --> 00:50:41,582 Thank you. 860 00:50:41,682 --> 00:50:45,686 Eva. Eva. Listen, we really need you on the set. All the guys are waiting. 861 00:50:45,786 --> 00:50:48,589 -All the guys? -Yeah. I can't keep them waiting. 862 00:50:49,390 --> 00:50:51,359 Bye, Deuce. 863 00:50:51,459 --> 00:50:53,128 ASSISTANT: I don't see your name on the list. 864 00:50:55,730 --> 00:50:57,365 MAN: I'm very good, yes. 865 00:50:57,465 --> 00:50:59,467 (CHATTERING) 866 00:51:03,871 --> 00:51:05,773 (BRAYING) 867 00:51:10,245 --> 00:51:13,614 Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back of the line, buddy. 868 00:51:13,714 --> 00:51:16,217 (CHUCKLING) Trust me. She's worth the wait. 869 00:51:20,521 --> 00:51:24,925 -It's a closed set. You can't come in here, sir. -Like hell I can't. 870 00:51:25,025 --> 00:51:27,395 -Get off her, you little freak! -Huh? 871 00:51:28,763 --> 00:51:30,398 Aah! 872 00:51:35,403 --> 00:51:37,104 Eva, you don't have to do this! 873 00:51:39,740 --> 00:51:42,443 Hey, I agreed to one midget, not two! 874 00:51:43,511 --> 00:51:45,613 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 875 00:51:45,713 --> 00:51:46,681 EVA: Deuce? 876 00:51:48,516 --> 00:51:50,151 Eva, you don't have to do this. 877 00:51:50,851 --> 00:51:52,253 Do what? 878 00:51:52,853 --> 00:51:54,489 -This. -What? 879 00:51:56,591 --> 00:51:57,625 This... 880 00:52:01,028 --> 00:52:05,166 -You painted that? -I'm a scenic artist. 881 00:52:05,266 --> 00:52:06,567 So that's what you do here! 882 00:52:10,905 --> 00:52:15,009 Hey, little friend. I guess I owe you a big... Oh! Oh... 883 00:52:15,109 --> 00:52:16,411 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 884 00:52:16,511 --> 00:52:18,646 Stoner Steve here! Who wants to get high? 885 00:52:18,746 --> 00:52:20,315 T.J.! T.J.! Is that you in there? 886 00:52:20,415 --> 00:52:22,016 Quiet, you dumb prosti-dude! 887 00:52:22,116 --> 00:52:24,485 I've went out with every girl on that list that lives in Holland. 888 00:52:24,585 --> 00:52:26,053 Then you need to find the rest of those bitches. 889 00:52:26,153 --> 00:52:27,722 The rest of those women live in other countries. 890 00:52:27,822 --> 00:52:29,224 Goddamn, white boy! 891 00:52:29,324 --> 00:52:32,059 Pack up that snatch bow and go find the real killer! 892 00:52:32,159 --> 00:52:35,863 Stoner Steve! Stoner Steve Cafe! 893 00:52:35,963 --> 00:52:38,799 * Step right up and don't be shy 894 00:52:41,302 --> 00:52:44,505 * Because you will not believe your eyes 895 00:52:44,605 --> 00:52:48,843 * She's right here behind the glass 896 00:52:48,943 --> 00:52:52,447 * You're gonna like her 'cause she's got class 897 00:52:54,549 --> 00:52:58,519 * You can look inside another world 898 00:52:58,619 --> 00:53:03,023 * You get to talk to a pretty girl 899 00:53:03,123 --> 00:53:06,927 * She's everything you dream about 900 00:53:08,763 --> 00:53:11,466 * But don't fall In love 901 00:53:12,767 --> 00:53:16,971 * She's a beauty * She's one in a million girls 902 00:53:17,071 --> 00:53:19,540 * She's a beauty 903 00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:21,876 * Why would I lie? 904 00:53:23,944 --> 00:53:27,682 * Why would I lie? 905 00:53:27,782 --> 00:53:30,751 * You can say anything you like 906 00:53:33,288 --> 00:53:36,357 * But you can't touch the merchandise 907 00:53:36,457 --> 00:53:39,760 * She'll give you every penny's worth 908 00:53:39,860 --> 00:53:41,161 (BURPING) 909 00:53:41,262 --> 00:53:44,599 * But it will cost you a dollar 910 00:53:46,267 --> 00:53:49,437 * You can stand outside your little world 911 00:53:50,571 --> 00:53:54,975 * You can talk to a pretty girl 912 00:53:55,075 --> 00:53:58,779 * She's everything you dream about 913 00:54:00,815 --> 00:54:04,419 * But don't fall in love 914 00:54:04,519 --> 00:54:09,357 * She's a beauty, she's one in a million girls 915 00:54:09,457 --> 00:54:11,492 * One in a million girls 916 00:54:11,592 --> 00:54:14,962 * Why would I lie? 917 00:54:15,930 --> 00:54:17,865 * Why would I lie? 918 00:54:17,965 --> 00:54:19,400 * But don't fall in love 919 00:54:19,500 --> 00:54:21,802 Oh, ho! 920 00:54:21,902 --> 00:54:25,906 * She's a beauty, she's one in a million girls 921 00:54:26,841 --> 00:54:28,843 * One in a million girls 922 00:54:28,943 --> 00:54:33,047 * Why would I lie? 923 00:54:33,147 --> 00:54:34,982 * Why would I lie? 924 00:54:35,082 --> 00:54:37,518 * But don't fall in love 925 00:54:38,886 --> 00:54:40,287 T.J., there you are! 926 00:54:40,388 --> 00:54:42,289 Hey, the girl with the giant ears overheard Heinz 927 00:54:42,390 --> 00:54:46,293 talkin' about some photo in the Man-whore Society. We gotta get in there. 928 00:54:46,394 --> 00:54:48,663 -Why aren't you in disguise? -I'm in disguise. 929 00:54:50,164 --> 00:54:53,701 -I'm in blackface. -But you're black. 930 00:54:53,801 --> 00:54:58,138 -Yeah, but I'm disguised as a different black guy. -Well, you look the same. 931 00:54:58,238 --> 00:55:01,075 -What you tryin' to say? We all look alike? -No, that's not it. 932 00:55:01,175 --> 00:55:04,579 You're such a racist! You know, I got half a mind to stop helping you save me. 933 00:55:04,679 --> 00:55:06,447 Come on. Let's go! 934 00:55:13,253 --> 00:55:16,791 Excuse me. This is a private club. Man-whores only. 935 00:55:16,891 --> 00:55:19,860 Hey, I'm a real good man-whore. Just go ask your mama. 936 00:55:22,062 --> 00:55:24,832 Still. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. 937 00:55:24,932 --> 00:55:27,502 That's what your mama said after I bang her. 938 00:55:27,602 --> 00:55:29,003 (LAUGHING) 939 00:55:30,104 --> 00:55:31,338 Okay, that's it. 940 00:55:31,439 --> 00:55:32,740 Go, go, go! 941 00:55:32,840 --> 00:55:34,575 Ah! 942 00:55:38,479 --> 00:55:41,015 Hey, your mama is in here! 943 00:55:41,115 --> 00:55:44,585 It's okay, I know what I'm talking about. If you're going to stick two in there, 944 00:55:44,685 --> 00:55:46,621 you're gonna need a lot of lubricant. 945 00:55:46,721 --> 00:55:50,057 I know what I'm talking about, huh? Okay, I gotta go now, Ma. 946 00:55:52,893 --> 00:55:54,361 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 947 00:56:16,183 --> 00:56:17,585 Oh! 948 00:56:19,019 --> 00:56:20,087 Hey, this thing is locked! 949 00:56:29,630 --> 00:56:30,931 Man. 950 00:56:31,031 --> 00:56:33,033 I only heard about this place. 951 00:56:33,133 --> 00:56:35,035 This is where man-whorin' all started. 952 00:56:37,472 --> 00:56:38,773 Check it out! 953 00:56:38,873 --> 00:56:40,841 You know who this is? 954 00:56:40,941 --> 00:56:43,678 He was the first guy to keep from shootin' his load by thinking about sports. 955 00:56:46,246 --> 00:56:49,750 This guy here? Baron Von Doggystyle. 956 00:56:49,850 --> 00:56:52,319 Led a pimpin' expedition to the Arctic Circle. 957 00:56:52,419 --> 00:56:55,222 Froze to death sixty-nining a moose. 958 00:56:55,322 --> 00:57:00,495 The only thing left of him is this stick, which he used to bitch-slap Eskimos. 959 00:57:06,467 --> 00:57:08,903 Now this brother here, Coulter Cunt-Licker. 960 00:57:10,337 --> 00:57:11,972 He's the Jackie Robinson of ass eating. 961 00:57:16,076 --> 00:57:20,314 Vladimir Suck-Me-Off, the first man-ho in space. 962 00:57:20,414 --> 00:57:23,150 They were studying the effects of zero-gravity on the reach-around. 963 00:57:23,250 --> 00:57:24,485 All right, will you cut it out? 964 00:57:24,585 --> 00:57:26,220 I'm sorry. This is my Graceland. 965 00:57:29,990 --> 00:57:32,459 Hey, wait a minute. Hey, check this out. 966 00:57:33,761 --> 00:57:35,996 That's the blonde lady with the leopard coat. 967 00:57:36,096 --> 00:57:37,231 This must be the killer. 968 00:57:39,634 --> 00:57:41,569 So, what are you going to wear to the Man-whore Awards? 969 00:57:41,669 --> 00:57:46,974 Ah. I thought I'd just go with a tux and satin chaps with my ass-plug cuff links... 970 00:57:47,074 --> 00:57:50,477 -Assapopulus, you left the trophy case open again. -Whoa, papa, that wasn't me. 971 00:57:50,578 --> 00:57:52,747 -(WHISPERING) Deucey. -(WHISPERING) Shh. 972 00:57:52,847 --> 00:57:55,415 -(WHISPERING) I gotta fart. -(WHISPERING) You gotta what? 973 00:57:55,516 --> 00:57:58,252 -(WHISPERING) I gotta fart! -(WHISPERING) Well, hold it. 974 00:57:58,352 --> 00:58:01,488 -(FARTING) -Shh! I hear something... 975 00:58:01,989 --> 00:58:03,157 (FARTING) 976 00:58:05,192 --> 00:58:07,895 I think the building is squeaking. 977 00:58:08,796 --> 00:58:10,130 CHADSWORTH: Maybe it's a bird. 978 00:58:10,230 --> 00:58:11,699 (FARTING) 979 00:58:12,867 --> 00:58:13,901 Ooh... 980 00:58:14,001 --> 00:58:15,636 (LOUDER FARTING) 981 00:58:16,871 --> 00:58:18,238 You idiot! 982 00:58:18,338 --> 00:58:19,707 (SCREAMING) 983 00:58:22,176 --> 00:58:23,243 -Bigalow! -Go now! 984 00:58:24,845 --> 00:58:26,981 -CHADSWORTH: Security! Stop them! -Oh! 985 00:58:28,983 --> 00:58:30,050 T.J.! 986 00:58:30,150 --> 00:58:31,786 (ALARM BLARING) 987 00:58:42,396 --> 00:58:43,831 (SCREAMING) 988 00:58:43,931 --> 00:58:45,332 MAN 1: Through the curtain! MAN 2: What the hell? 989 00:58:45,432 --> 00:58:47,034 TJ: Somebody smoked a he-bitch! 990 00:58:49,870 --> 00:58:52,206 -Enzo? He kill Enzo! -No, no, I didn't do it. 991 00:58:52,306 --> 00:58:53,774 What is that? 992 00:58:55,810 --> 00:58:58,212 Uh, that is not a dick in my hand. 993 00:58:58,312 --> 00:59:01,716 Anybody got some antibacterial gel? I got burnt dick on my hand. 994 00:59:10,390 --> 00:59:13,427 -Eva! Eva! -I'm in the shower! 995 00:59:13,527 --> 00:59:17,464 -T.J.'s been arrested. -I can't hear you! I'll be out in a minute! 996 00:59:17,564 --> 00:59:21,068 In his gayest murder yet, the homosexual Man-whore Killer 997 00:59:21,168 --> 00:59:24,571 murdered famed gigolo, Enzo Giarraputo. 998 00:59:24,672 --> 00:59:28,408 Our meteorologist Truce is sick today, filling in is Hank the Bear. 999 00:59:28,508 --> 00:59:30,344 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 1000 00:59:57,805 --> 00:59:59,306 (EVA WHISTLING) 1001 01:00:14,855 --> 01:00:15,923 EVA: Hi! 1002 01:00:16,023 --> 01:00:18,025 Hi. 1003 01:00:18,125 --> 01:00:20,961 What's the matter? Why are you looking at me like that? 1004 01:00:21,061 --> 01:00:22,663 -Like what? -(GIGGLING) 1005 01:00:25,232 --> 01:00:26,233 Oh! 1006 01:00:31,772 --> 01:00:33,373 -(GASPING) -Ah! 1007 01:00:33,473 --> 01:00:36,343 I'll get that. I was a Boy Scout for almost a week. 1008 01:00:38,813 --> 01:00:41,048 So, uh, is your uncle home? 1009 01:00:41,148 --> 01:00:44,719 No, we're completely alone. 1010 01:00:44,819 --> 01:00:47,021 -Ah! -Would you like some cheese? 1011 01:00:47,121 --> 01:00:50,157 -I'm lactose-intolerant. -Why are you so jumpy? 1012 01:00:51,826 --> 01:00:53,260 Maybe I can help you relax. 1013 01:00:58,165 --> 01:00:59,666 You're shaking. 1014 01:01:01,601 --> 01:01:04,371 -Maybe it's because I'm cold. -I can fix that. 1015 01:01:05,439 --> 01:01:06,874 Why don't you pour us a drink? 1016 01:01:12,579 --> 01:01:16,150 So, uh, I guess we're all alone, huh? 1017 01:01:16,884 --> 01:01:17,818 Ah! 1018 01:01:17,918 --> 01:01:18,953 Yes. 1019 01:01:20,855 --> 01:01:22,923 Deuce. You're scaring me. 1020 01:01:23,958 --> 01:01:25,025 Eva... 1021 01:01:27,627 --> 01:01:30,697 Listen. Everything I'm about to do 1022 01:01:30,798 --> 01:01:34,101 -is because I really care for you. -Oh, Deuce. 1023 01:01:35,002 --> 01:01:36,370 Now, I don't know why... 1024 01:01:38,372 --> 01:01:39,974 I don't know why you've done this, 1025 01:01:40,074 --> 01:01:42,209 but I'm gonna give you everything I've got. 1026 01:01:42,309 --> 01:01:44,244 * Baby, grind with me 1027 01:01:44,344 --> 01:01:47,848 * Relax your mind Take your time with me 1028 01:01:47,948 --> 01:01:51,251 * I'll love you deeper if you cry for me 1029 01:01:51,351 --> 01:01:54,755 * Now come and kiss me till your body gets weak 1030 01:01:54,855 --> 01:01:58,425 * Just grind with me Baby, grind with me 1031 01:01:58,525 --> 01:02:01,628 * Relax your mind Take your time with me 1032 01:02:01,728 --> 01:02:04,264 * I'll love you deeper if you cry for me * 1033 01:02:09,603 --> 01:02:10,805 EVA: Deuce? 1034 01:02:20,815 --> 01:02:24,318 -Don't go in there. Stop! -Gaspar! Gaspar! I know who the killer is! 1035 01:02:24,418 --> 01:02:25,886 I know who the killer is. 1036 01:02:33,160 --> 01:02:36,463 -I know who the killer is. -I knew, sooner or later, someone would figure it out. 1037 01:02:42,669 --> 01:02:44,338 Sorry I have to be the one to tell ya. 1038 01:02:50,110 --> 01:02:51,178 It's Eva. 1039 01:02:52,880 --> 01:02:53,981 It's Eva? 1040 01:02:56,450 --> 01:02:58,953 You mean my niece, Eva? 1041 01:02:59,053 --> 01:03:02,389 I know it sounds crazy, but I found the lipstick. 1042 01:03:02,489 --> 01:03:06,193 The same lipstick the killer used. Shimmer Lavender Love, Number 66, 1043 01:03:06,293 --> 01:03:08,195 at your house. 1044 01:03:08,295 --> 01:03:12,399 And you found it in the pocket of a trench coat hanging in the closet? 1045 01:03:12,499 --> 01:03:16,303 Exactly! Plus, I heard her whistling the same song I heard the killer whistle. 1046 01:03:16,403 --> 01:03:17,437 Like... 1047 01:03:17,537 --> 01:03:19,974 (WHISTLING) 1048 01:03:23,577 --> 01:03:25,479 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 1049 01:03:25,579 --> 01:03:29,216 And you tell me, why would anyone but the killer be whistling that specific song? 1050 01:03:29,316 --> 01:03:31,051 I mean, the odds would be astronomical. 1051 01:03:31,151 --> 01:03:33,087 Maybe the song got stuck in her head 1052 01:03:33,187 --> 01:03:35,322 because she overheard the real killer whistling it 1053 01:03:35,422 --> 01:03:37,024 and maybe the real killer is someone... 1054 01:03:39,026 --> 01:03:42,096 ...very near and dear to her, though she doesn't realize. 1055 01:03:43,697 --> 01:03:45,265 Sure. 1056 01:03:45,365 --> 01:03:48,335 Or maybe the Hamburglar did it and escaped with the Great Pumpkin. 1057 01:03:48,435 --> 01:03:52,806 Look, I understand this must be very difficult for you to be out-thunk 1058 01:03:52,907 --> 01:03:54,341 by a civilian like myself. 1059 01:03:54,441 --> 01:03:56,343 But we have to put our egos aside right now 1060 01:03:56,443 --> 01:03:58,145 and do what's best for Eva. 1061 01:03:58,245 --> 01:04:00,447 She's clearly ill, and she needs our help. 1062 01:04:00,547 --> 01:04:02,216 You're absolutely right. 1063 01:04:02,316 --> 01:04:05,219 You know, the only thing I can't think of is motive. 1064 01:04:05,319 --> 01:04:07,621 Now, what could she possibly have against man-whores? 1065 01:04:07,721 --> 01:04:10,090 Maybe because they represent a decline 1066 01:04:10,190 --> 01:04:12,592 of this once-glorious city... 1067 01:04:12,692 --> 01:04:14,561 ...which has now become a new Sodom and Gomorrah 1068 01:04:14,661 --> 01:04:17,297 for rich college kids to smoke hash, 1069 01:04:17,397 --> 01:04:20,667 to fornicate with Venezuelan hookers or to defecate 1070 01:04:20,767 --> 01:04:23,470 on our historic cobblestone streets. 1071 01:04:23,570 --> 01:04:25,272 They don't defecate on the streets. 1072 01:04:30,244 --> 01:04:31,678 Hey. 1073 01:04:31,778 --> 01:04:33,880 Well, how do you know he's a tourist? I mean, he could be a local. 1074 01:04:40,220 --> 01:04:43,290 -Where is Eva now? -Oh, she's at your house. 1075 01:04:44,524 --> 01:04:45,559 Good. 1076 01:04:53,433 --> 01:04:55,702 Do you really think you need all those weapons? 1077 01:04:55,802 --> 01:04:59,539 She doesn't seem that dangerous. You're not gonna hurt her, are you? 1078 01:04:59,639 --> 01:05:01,308 You can never be too careful. 1079 01:05:04,078 --> 01:05:05,312 That poor guy. 1080 01:05:05,412 --> 01:05:08,515 What a dipshit. 1081 01:05:08,615 --> 01:05:11,751 Tonight, the sexually inadequate men of Europe can breathe easy, 1082 01:05:11,851 --> 01:05:15,922 safe in the knowledge that all of the continent's finest gigolos 1083 01:05:16,023 --> 01:05:19,493 are right here under one roof, all asking, 1084 01:05:19,593 --> 01:05:23,730 "Who is gonna walk away with the Golden Boner?" 1085 01:05:23,830 --> 01:05:27,501 In this car, we do, we have Assapopulus and his date for the evening... 1086 01:05:27,601 --> 01:05:29,469 -Oh, damn it. -...his mother. 1087 01:05:29,569 --> 01:05:33,273 She's the woman that, uh, made me start into prostitution, 1088 01:05:33,373 --> 01:05:34,774 made me go into prostitution. 1089 01:05:34,874 --> 01:05:36,676 I wanted to become a doctor, but... 1090 01:05:36,776 --> 01:05:37,944 EVA: Uncle, you home? 1091 01:05:39,679 --> 01:05:44,018 What a beautiful couple, mother and man-whore. 1092 01:05:44,118 --> 01:05:47,754 -Man-whore Awards? -MAN: (ON TV) Please welcome your host for this evening, 1093 01:05:47,854 --> 01:05:51,091 -Johnny Vaughan. -JOHNNY: Thank you very much, indeed. 1094 01:05:51,191 --> 01:05:54,094 Can I just say, ladies, gentlemen, man-whores, 1095 01:05:54,194 --> 01:05:58,798 a night where we celebrate those guys who can get wood, no matter what. 1096 01:05:58,898 --> 01:06:02,469 -Do you know, they have gay-pride days... -Oh, my God. 1097 01:06:02,569 --> 01:06:03,670 GASPAR: Yes. 1098 01:06:06,173 --> 01:06:08,642 I'm going to kill them all. 1099 01:06:08,742 --> 01:06:11,978 -But why? -Don't you see what's happening to our country? 1100 01:06:12,679 --> 01:06:14,648 Whoo-hoo! 1101 01:06:17,617 --> 01:06:19,753 But it's murder. 1102 01:06:19,853 --> 01:06:21,755 (CHUCKLING) 1103 01:06:21,855 --> 01:06:26,560 During the final gala number, when all these man-whores are gathered on stage, 1104 01:06:26,660 --> 01:06:30,064 I push this little button, and poof! 1105 01:06:30,164 --> 01:06:35,635 Bye-bye, gigolos. Shouldn't be that hard to pin the crime on your good friend, 1106 01:06:35,735 --> 01:06:37,171 Deuce Bigalow. 1107 01:06:37,271 --> 01:06:39,173 -I won't let you! -Ah-choo! 1108 01:06:41,341 --> 01:06:42,542 If you wanna stop me... 1109 01:06:46,146 --> 01:06:48,648 ...it's as simple as touching this doorknob. 1110 01:06:55,189 --> 01:06:58,158 -Where's Eva? -Eva's gone to the Man-whore Awards. 1111 01:06:58,258 --> 01:07:00,427 -I'm going there too. -I'm comin' with you. 1112 01:07:01,528 --> 01:07:04,564 Yes. Yes, you should be there too. 1113 01:07:19,313 --> 01:07:21,815 Now, let me give you all the lowdown on T.J. 1114 01:07:21,915 --> 01:07:27,154 In Thailand, I got a job in a carnival sideshow, eatin' broken glass. 1115 01:07:27,254 --> 01:07:31,191 We did six shows a day. That's a lot of broken glass. 1116 01:07:31,291 --> 01:07:33,460 And it's all collected in the linin' of my anus. 1117 01:07:35,195 --> 01:07:38,398 My ass is like one big, nasty cheese grater. 1118 01:07:40,800 --> 01:07:42,702 Here to perform his signature move, 1119 01:07:42,802 --> 01:07:48,142 the Chili Rainbow, would you please welcome Assapopulus Mariolis. 1120 01:07:48,242 --> 01:07:49,476 (ALL CHEERING) 1121 01:07:56,883 --> 01:07:58,051 Ah! 1122 01:07:58,152 --> 01:08:01,455 * Ma-ya-hi Ma-ya-hu 1123 01:08:01,555 --> 01:08:07,227 * Ma-ya-ho Ma-ya-ha-ha Ma-ya-hi 1124 01:08:07,327 --> 01:08:12,532 * Ma-ya-hu Ma-ya-ho * 1125 01:08:12,632 --> 01:08:17,137 -EVA: Deuce! Deuce! Right here! -Hey, Eva's right behind us. 1126 01:08:17,237 --> 01:08:18,605 EVA: Deuce, stop! 1127 01:08:20,540 --> 01:08:22,108 What are you doin'? She's right back there. 1128 01:08:22,209 --> 01:08:26,180 -Deuce! He's the killer! -What? 1129 01:08:26,280 --> 01:08:28,748 -You're with the killer! -I'm with the dealer? 1130 01:08:28,848 --> 01:08:31,618 -EVA: He's the Man-whore Killer! -Eighteen-wheeler? 1131 01:08:32,752 --> 01:08:35,222 My uncle is the killer! 1132 01:08:35,322 --> 01:08:38,258 Oh. I'm with the... You're the... 1133 01:08:38,358 --> 01:08:42,128 She says that I am the killer, you stupido. 1134 01:08:42,229 --> 01:08:45,365 -(TIRES SCREECHING) -(EVA YELLING) 1135 01:08:47,467 --> 01:08:50,003 But why? What did man-whores ever do to you? 1136 01:08:50,103 --> 01:08:53,139 What did they do to me? Ha! 1137 01:08:53,240 --> 01:08:56,576 All my life, I dreamed of being one thing. A gigolo. 1138 01:08:56,676 --> 01:08:59,179 Yes, me. Gaspar Voorsboch. 1139 01:09:00,647 --> 01:09:03,850 I'll never forget that day. Never. 1140 01:09:03,950 --> 01:09:06,953 It was my first semester at Man-whore University. 1141 01:09:07,053 --> 01:09:13,360 Now, today, class, we shall learn how to give a lady a proper Portuguese Breakfast. 1142 01:09:13,460 --> 01:09:16,263 Ya take an egg, and ya crack it. 1143 01:09:16,363 --> 01:09:22,068 Ya mix 'em up. Now, this is a good chance to sweet-talk the client. 1144 01:09:22,168 --> 01:09:24,971 -And? -And we pour that in there. Beautiful. 1145 01:09:25,071 --> 01:09:27,974 -Very nice, now. And, uh... -Don't forget the Canadian bacon. 1146 01:09:28,074 --> 01:09:30,076 EARL: The Canadian bacon, of course. I was just gettin' to that. 1147 01:09:30,176 --> 01:09:32,446 -What are you doing? -It's a penis enlarger. 1148 01:09:32,546 --> 01:09:34,681 It says just a few pumps, and it gets your thing bigger. 1149 01:09:34,781 --> 01:09:36,783 You mind if I give myself a few pumps? 1150 01:09:36,883 --> 01:09:38,718 -Go nuts. -There we go. 1151 01:09:39,653 --> 01:09:40,754 So there ya have it. 1152 01:09:40,854 --> 01:09:44,190 Tell me. How was your Portuguese Breakfast? 1153 01:09:44,291 --> 01:09:45,425 Delicious. 1154 01:09:46,059 --> 01:09:47,494 -Elsa? -Gaspar? 1155 01:09:49,863 --> 01:09:50,864 (BURSTING SOUND) 1156 01:09:51,665 --> 01:09:52,632 (LAUGHING) 1157 01:09:55,435 --> 01:09:57,237 They knew she was my fiance. 1158 01:09:57,337 --> 01:09:59,273 And tonight, I will get my revenge. 1159 01:10:06,880 --> 01:10:07,881 Leave it! 1160 01:10:15,489 --> 01:10:16,890 (EVA YELLING) 1161 01:10:19,959 --> 01:10:22,996 I'm from Canada and I'm wasted! 1162 01:10:25,231 --> 01:10:27,000 -Are you all right? -Yeah. Are you okay? 1163 01:10:27,100 --> 01:10:30,437 Stop! Stop! Police business. 1164 01:10:30,537 --> 01:10:32,306 -Come, we gotta stop him. -Yeah. 1165 01:10:33,707 --> 01:10:36,075 Stop! Stop! Man-whore business. 1166 01:10:36,175 --> 01:10:39,078 Before we present the award for Man-whore of the Year, 1167 01:10:39,178 --> 01:10:41,681 let's take a moment to honor those gigolos 1168 01:10:41,781 --> 01:10:43,283 who have recently passed. 1169 01:10:44,150 --> 01:10:45,652 (ALL CLAPPING) 1170 01:10:47,487 --> 01:10:51,358 * Every rose has its thorn 1171 01:10:53,493 --> 01:11:00,266 * Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song 1172 01:11:01,134 --> 01:11:02,669 * Every rose... 1173 01:11:02,769 --> 01:11:04,638 Hey, Daddy. I was lookin' in your underwear drawer 1174 01:11:04,738 --> 01:11:06,506 and I found this bracelet. 1175 01:11:07,874 --> 01:11:11,110 Holy mother of God. That's not a bracelet, boy. 1176 01:11:11,210 --> 01:11:14,514 That is a device that your daddy has to wear on his he... 1177 01:11:15,148 --> 01:11:18,552 His he... His he... 1178 01:11:20,420 --> 01:11:23,357 -Happy birthday, son, ya got a bracelet. -Ha-ha. Great. 1179 01:11:25,759 --> 01:11:28,828 -Let's go. Come on. -JOHNNY: And now, the award you've all been waiting for, 1180 01:11:28,928 --> 01:11:30,564 the Man-whore of the Year. 1181 01:11:30,664 --> 01:11:32,466 All right, listen. You go get help. 1182 01:11:32,566 --> 01:11:33,833 I'll get all the gigolos off the stage. 1183 01:11:33,933 --> 01:11:35,602 Okay. Good luck. 1184 01:11:36,803 --> 01:11:38,204 Excuse me. 1185 01:11:38,304 --> 01:11:40,574 You have to get off the stage right now, or you'll all be killed! 1186 01:11:40,674 --> 01:11:43,176 Get the hell out of here, douche, before I have you thrown out. 1187 01:11:43,276 --> 01:11:44,578 There's a bomb on the stage! 1188 01:11:44,678 --> 01:11:49,015 -You idiot. -You're all gonna die! 1189 01:11:49,115 --> 01:11:52,185 I'm the Man-whore Killer! This is a bomb! Everybody out! 1190 01:11:52,285 --> 01:11:53,720 -(ALL SCREAMING) -Everybody get out! 1191 01:11:54,854 --> 01:11:56,356 -You gotta get out of here! -Ugh. 1192 01:12:02,061 --> 01:12:04,864 You'll die with the rest of them, Bigalow. 1193 01:12:07,100 --> 01:12:10,570 Those gigolos robbed me of my manhood. 1194 01:12:10,670 --> 01:12:12,372 I was never able to satisfy a woman. 1195 01:12:12,472 --> 01:12:14,774 I'll see to it that they won't, either. 1196 01:12:20,013 --> 01:12:24,117 You don't have to kill anyone, Gaspar. Because you can please a woman. 1197 01:12:25,819 --> 01:12:27,887 Those gigolos don't know what they're talkin' about. 1198 01:12:27,987 --> 01:12:29,389 Is he talking about us? 1199 01:12:34,260 --> 01:12:38,465 Do you really think all a woman wants is some guy to give her a Mud Pretzel 1200 01:12:38,565 --> 01:12:41,635 or a Turkish Snow Cone or an Irish Facial? 1201 01:12:42,969 --> 01:12:46,305 -Yes, they do, liar. -WOMEN: No. 1202 01:12:46,406 --> 01:12:49,843 A woman wants a guy who'll ask her about her day and really listen to her. 1203 01:12:49,943 --> 01:12:51,778 Or at least pretend to. 1204 01:12:51,878 --> 01:12:54,548 -Yes. -What? 1205 01:12:54,648 --> 01:13:00,620 When she's hurting, ask her how she feels. Cry with her. 1206 01:13:00,720 --> 01:13:03,790 -CROWD: Yeah! -These gigolos are just ripping women off! 1207 01:13:05,291 --> 01:13:07,794 I've never had any complaint from any of those freaks! 1208 01:13:11,130 --> 01:13:12,966 I faked it. 1209 01:13:15,068 --> 01:13:17,604 A woman doesn't care if you wear a Rolex watch 1210 01:13:17,704 --> 01:13:20,474 or have a gigantic schlong like Heinz Hummer. 1211 01:13:21,274 --> 01:13:22,642 This guy knows his shit. 1212 01:13:26,279 --> 01:13:27,747 What are you doing? 1213 01:13:29,683 --> 01:13:31,084 Anyone else? 1214 01:13:36,690 --> 01:13:38,492 If you let a woman really know you care about her, 1215 01:13:38,592 --> 01:13:40,193 maybe she'll give you an Irish Facial. 1216 01:13:50,570 --> 01:13:53,573 We will die together, man-whore. 1217 01:13:53,673 --> 01:13:55,108 (GASPING) 1218 01:13:55,208 --> 01:13:56,610 You don't have to do this. 1219 01:13:56,710 --> 01:13:59,813 -They ruined my life! -Give me the detonator. 1220 01:13:59,913 --> 01:14:00,914 No. 1221 01:14:01,948 --> 01:14:03,650 My penis exploded. 1222 01:14:05,184 --> 01:14:07,153 Okay, that's a tough one. I'll give you that. 1223 01:14:09,022 --> 01:14:12,592 But having a penis is way overrated. Trust me. 1224 01:14:14,861 --> 01:14:17,997 -No. No. -Gaspar! 1225 01:14:18,097 --> 01:14:19,132 Hmm? 1226 01:14:25,271 --> 01:14:26,806 (CHEERING) 1227 01:14:27,574 --> 01:14:28,875 Are you okay? 1228 01:14:31,645 --> 01:14:32,879 We did it! Oh! 1229 01:14:37,851 --> 01:14:39,218 ALL: Oh! 1230 01:14:39,318 --> 01:14:40,286 That's the grossest thing 1231 01:14:40,386 --> 01:14:41,688 I've ever seen. 1232 01:14:41,788 --> 01:14:44,190 And I've seen some pretty gross things. 1233 01:14:44,290 --> 01:14:45,625 POLICEMAN: In the car. Head down. 1234 01:14:45,725 --> 01:14:48,828 I'll be seeing you again, man-whore. 1235 01:14:48,928 --> 01:14:51,497 CHADSWORTH: Deuce, you saved the Man-whore Society. 1236 01:14:53,232 --> 01:14:55,268 The Golden Boner belongs to you. 1237 01:14:55,368 --> 01:14:57,537 Thanks. I... That's very... 1238 01:14:58,938 --> 01:14:59,906 This belongs to you too. 1239 01:15:02,108 --> 01:15:03,242 Hang it to the left. 1240 01:15:04,778 --> 01:15:06,412 You gonna eat that? 1241 01:15:06,512 --> 01:15:08,181 -Knock yourself out. -Thank you. 1242 01:15:11,985 --> 01:15:15,188 So... I guess this means you're a real gigolo now. 1243 01:15:15,288 --> 01:15:17,123 I don't want you to treat me any differently. 1244 01:15:17,223 --> 01:15:19,826 How much would you charge me for a kiss? 1245 01:15:19,926 --> 01:15:21,628 Well, first one's always free. 1246 01:15:25,231 --> 01:15:28,534 -Mmm. Deuce! -What? 1247 01:15:29,669 --> 01:15:31,270 Oh, no! 1248 01:15:31,370 --> 01:15:32,906 No, it's, it's just this. 1249 01:15:33,006 --> 01:15:34,641 * And that's the way I like it 1250 01:15:36,242 --> 01:15:37,911 * My garden's a secret 1251 01:15:41,080 --> 01:15:42,882 * And that's the way I like it 1252 01:15:42,982 --> 01:15:49,322 * So please, baby, please 1253 01:15:51,224 --> 01:15:53,627 * Open your heart 1254 01:15:55,394 --> 01:15:58,297 Deucey! Whoo! Thank you, Jesus. 1255 01:15:59,833 --> 01:16:01,267 Did anybody hurt you in there? 1256 01:16:02,636 --> 01:16:04,370 Oh, you askin' if I got ass-punked. 1257 01:16:04,470 --> 01:16:05,905 Is that's what's happenin' right now? 1258 01:16:06,005 --> 01:16:07,406 Not if you don't wanna talk about it. 1259 01:16:07,506 --> 01:16:10,543 Well, turns out, I'm not that attractive. 1260 01:16:10,644 --> 01:16:12,445 Well, you should know you've been cleared of murder, 1261 01:16:12,545 --> 01:16:13,880 but people still think you're gay. 1262 01:16:13,980 --> 01:16:16,449 Hey, hey, hey. Don't tell nobody I'm not gay. 1263 01:16:16,549 --> 01:16:20,620 Look at it: T.J., the gay man's pimp. 1264 01:16:20,720 --> 01:16:22,088 I mean, I'm gonna corner the market, man. 1265 01:16:22,188 --> 01:16:23,289 Check out my new bitches. 1266 01:16:23,389 --> 01:16:24,624 -Hello, darling. -Hi, sweetie. 1267 01:16:24,724 --> 01:16:26,292 -Hi. -MAN: Love you. 1268 01:16:27,360 --> 01:16:29,228 Mmm-hmm. 1269 01:16:29,328 --> 01:16:30,997 Let's get some chicken and waffles. My treat. 1270 01:16:31,097 --> 01:16:33,499 Oh. You sayin' the first thing a brother wants when he get out of prison 1271 01:16:33,599 --> 01:16:34,901 -is chicken and waffles. -DEUCE: Oh, come on. 1272 01:16:35,001 --> 01:16:36,803 Hey, get your sheet cocks back to work. 1273 01:16:37,937 --> 01:16:40,907 * Step right up and don't be shy 1274 01:16:42,776 --> 01:16:46,312 * Because you will not believe your eyes 1275 01:16:46,412 --> 01:16:50,784 * She's right here behind the glass 1276 01:16:50,884 --> 01:16:54,754 * And you're gonna like her 'cause she's got class 1277 01:16:56,255 --> 01:17:00,493 * You can look inside another world 1278 01:17:00,593 --> 01:17:04,898 * You get to talk to a pretty girl 1279 01:17:04,998 --> 01:17:08,634 * She's everything you dream about 1280 01:17:10,837 --> 01:17:13,306 * But don't fall in love 1281 01:17:14,473 --> 01:17:15,942 * She's a beauty 1282 01:17:16,042 --> 01:17:18,878 * She's one in a million girls 1283 01:17:18,978 --> 01:17:21,380 * She's a beauty 1284 01:17:21,480 --> 01:17:25,952 * Why would I lie? 1285 01:17:26,052 --> 01:17:27,921 * Why would I lie? 1286 01:17:28,021 --> 01:17:30,056 * But don't fall in love 1287 01:17:31,858 --> 01:17:33,459 * She's a beauty 1288 01:17:33,559 --> 01:17:35,661 * She's one in a million girls 1289 01:17:36,295 --> 01:17:38,832 * She's a beauty 1290 01:17:38,932 --> 01:17:40,199 * Why would I lie? 1291 01:17:46,840 --> 01:17:48,842 * One, two, three, four! 1292 01:17:54,948 --> 01:17:57,250 * I said no, no, never 1293 01:17:57,350 --> 01:18:00,486 * We don't go together 1294 01:18:00,586 --> 01:18:03,957 * Oh, I really couldn't take anymore 1295 01:18:06,425 --> 01:18:09,228 * Now, it's two weeks later 1296 01:18:09,328 --> 01:18:11,831 * I feel such a traitor 1297 01:18:11,931 --> 01:18:15,835 * Oh, I let you in my back door 1298 01:18:18,304 --> 01:18:21,340 * You're the one who's creepin' 1299 01:18:21,440 --> 01:18:23,810 * Rough love's so deceivin' 1300 01:18:23,910 --> 01:18:27,113 * I said never again, but here we are 1301 01:18:30,216 --> 01:18:32,986 * A pure, pure sweetness 1302 01:18:33,086 --> 01:18:35,688 * You're my only weakness 1303 01:18:35,789 --> 01:18:39,759 * I said never again, but here we are 1304 01:18:44,964 --> 01:18:46,866 * Now, I don't rush in 1305 01:18:46,966 --> 01:18:50,837 * I bite my lip and let you know 1306 01:18:51,871 --> 01:18:54,407 * I really like the game you play 1307 01:18:55,875 --> 01:18:58,878 I'd be better off without you 1308 01:18:59,813 --> 01:19:02,281 * But I can't live without you 1309 01:19:02,381 --> 01:19:07,020 * No, am I ever gonna break away? 1310 01:19:07,120 --> 01:19:08,454 * Ooh, yeah 1311 01:19:08,554 --> 01:19:11,424 * You're the one who's creepin' 1312 01:19:11,524 --> 01:19:13,993 * Rough love's so deceivin' 1313 01:19:14,093 --> 01:19:18,064 * I said never again, but here we are 1314 01:19:20,633 --> 01:19:23,402 * A pure, pure sweetness 1315 01:19:23,502 --> 01:19:26,305 * You're my only weakness 1316 01:19:26,405 --> 01:19:30,443 * I said never again, but here we are 1317 01:19:32,846 --> 01:19:34,881 * Yeah 1318 01:19:34,981 --> 01:19:38,985 * I try to run, but I don't get too far * 1319 01:19:40,353 --> 01:19:46,159 * 'Cause I can't let go I can't take no more 1320 01:19:46,259 --> 01:19:51,965 * Boy, I want you so Oh-Oo-Oh 1321 01:19:52,065 --> 01:19:57,803 * No, I can't let go I can't take no more 1322 01:19:57,904 --> 01:20:01,941 * And I want you so Oh-Oo-Oh 1323 01:20:03,076 --> 01:20:05,144 * One, two, three, four! 1324 01:20:05,244 --> 01:20:07,847 * You're the one who's creeping 1325 01:20:07,947 --> 01:20:10,349 * Rough love's so deceiving 1326 01:20:10,449 --> 01:20:14,520 * I said never again, but here we are 1327 01:20:17,056 --> 01:20:22,261 * A pure, pure sweetness You're my only weakness 1328 01:20:22,361 --> 01:20:26,832 * I said never again, but here we are 1329 01:20:28,734 --> 01:20:31,037 * You're the one who's creeping 1330 01:20:31,137 --> 01:20:34,240 * Rough love's so deceiving 1331 01:20:34,340 --> 01:20:38,377 * I said never again, but here we are 1332 01:20:40,779 --> 01:20:45,985 * A pure, pure sweetness You're my only weakness 1333 01:20:46,085 --> 01:20:49,588 * I said never again, but here we are 1334 01:20:52,258 --> 01:20:55,528 * I said never again, but here we are 1335 01:20:58,164 --> 01:21:02,601 * I told you never to play your new guitar * 99262